if there is one set of lines that brings up so many emotions

11 writing problems and solutions

Writing is a craft. It takes time for anyone to learn and improve. But there are some shortcuts you can try, maybe adapt to your own needs. Here are 11 writing problems and their solutions, or hacks.

Too many ideas syndrome

Problem: You have too many equally good story ideas and can’t pick just one to write.

Solution: Select your top 3 favorite stories and write the first scene of all three. If you can’t decide, write the first chapter. The right project will be easier to work with, you’ll have fun writing it, you will be daydreaming about the story, you will love the characters. So, give away three chances instead of one.

Originally posted by gypsyastronaut

Outline spoiling the fun

Problem: Whenever you outline a story idea, it completely spoils your will to write it. The mystery is gone.

Solution: Instead of outlining the whole story, just make a clear goal on how your characters should end. Will they succeed? Will they fail? Will they be happy? Will they find redemption? Will they be wronged? Decide how your story should end and explore the plot as you go. Remember, no one will read your first draft, so just write.

Lost midway

Problem: If you are a pantser, you might get lost in the middle of the story, especially after the first plot point.

Solution: Give your story an ending. If you know where your characters will end up, you’ll have a better understanding of which routes to take. Always keep in mind how the story will end. Use it as the beacon of a lighthouse to guide you through stormy waters.

Creative block

Problem: You don’t have story ideas. Or nothing you have so far excites you enough for a novel.

Solution: Read a book or watch a movie completely out of your genre. This works like magic, I promise. I’m not a sci-fi person, but Akira has given me more story ideas than any movie and book from my own genre.

Originally posted by sunio

Writing anxiety

Problem: You are scared of writing, scared of starting a new story, or just scared of not doing a good job.

Solution: Write a fanfic. No one expects a fanfic to be a masterpiece (although many are). Fanfics are done for fun and for passion. So, write your book in fanfic format. You can even use fandom characters and aus in the process. When the story is completed, change back to original characters.

Editing as you write

Problem: You keep going back to previous paragraphs and editing instead of moving forward with your writing.

Solution: Write your novel by hand. This might sound like a lot of work, but it’s quite the opposite. The white screen of the computer urges you to review, to make it perfect, academic like perfect. The paper however, brings you back to the craft, to the urge of filling lines and pages. Handwriting also gives you the opportunity of sketching and doodling. 

Originally posted by kyoka-sui-get-su

Procrastination

Problem: Tumblr. Youtube. Email. Netflix. Bathroom. Fridge. Bed.

Solution: Go offline. Turn off your wi-fi. Use a device without internet connection. Or, if you keep fooling yourself and turning the internet back on, write your novel by hand. Give yourself a daily hour of internet, but live offline. And if you take unnecessary trips to the fridge or the bathroom, try the pomodoro technique.

Lack of plots

Problem: Nothing relevant is happening, your story looks kind of boring. Or the main plot is too weak for a whole novel.

Solution: Take a few days off. Just relax. When you are ready to go back, read what you have written so far. Maybe you were just tired. But, if the story really sucks, go back to basics. Ask yourself two questions. What type of story am I writing? How will this story end? Follow the answer like a map. Change what needs to be changed, even if you have to delete the whole progress. If you lack plots, don’t add fillers, just go back to basics.  

Weak main character

Problem: Your character lacks personality, voice and/or visuals.

Solution: Give your main character three things. An external battle. An internal battle. And an unique feature. The external battle is their goal, what they want to achieve, what they dream about. An internal battle is their fears, traumas, doubts, mental issues, prejudices and triggers to overcome. An unique feature is what sets them apart from other characters, maybe they have piercings, or tattoos, or pink hair, or lilac eyes, maybe they wear neon boots, or a mask, or mittens, maybe they are left-handed, or blind, maybe they have a scar, or a birthmark. Every amazing main character has external battles, internal battles and unique features.  

Originally posted by takeruandcaterpillars

Depression

Problem: You have no will to write. The passion is gone. You feel empty.

Solution: If you don’t have access to medical help, reading is a good way to reevaluate your career and regain your passion for the words. Read lots of books. Don’t worry about writing, just read. Lose yourself in fictional adventures. Read sci-fi, romance, horror, fantasy, crime, family saga, classics, foreigner fictions, fanfics, shorts, poetry. Immerse in literature. Literature can save lives.  

Strange dialogues

Problem: Dialogues seem too formal, or too much like the narration, or characters lack individuality.

Solution: Read your dialogues out loud while acting as your characters. You can find a quiet empty room for that. Be an actor. Go for the emotions. Record your acting sections, after all, you might improvise at some point.    

Originally posted by gmt1999

Dearest Jane Fans –

I want to begin this letter by telling you about the magic of Brett Dier.  He took a character – built from the beginning with secrets and moral lapses – and made him so likable, so funny, so sincere in all the right ways, that most of our writers’ room became #teammichael by the end of the first season.  And I honestly don’t think I’ll ever love a moment on our show as much as I loved Michael’s vows to Jane…  Which is to say, this was a devastating episode for us to write.

It was also a decision made very early on, when I thought about our story as a whole.  And even in season one, I knew it would be a hard thing to actually do, which is why there was a line (which many of you noticed) about how Michael would never stop loving Jane.  And the Narrator confirmed, “For as long as Michael lived, until he drew his very last breath, he never did.”  Honestly, I put that line into the script at the last minute to hold our feet to the fire, to make sure we went through with it.  Because even back then, the writers could all see the magic of Jane and Michael together.  Not to mention Rogelio and Michael!    

The other reason I put that line in the script was to prepare you… a little.  If the writers and actors loved Michael so much, then I knew it would be devastating for the fans.  So then, the only surprise we had left, was when…

And again – that goes back to the magic of Brett Dier.  Originally, I thought Michael would die earlier.  But Brett is such an incredible actor – he gave us such great comedy and drama and first-rate exposition delivery (!), often all in one scene.  And he and Gina… well, there’s that word again – magic.  So, we changed some things in the writers’ room.  Jane and Michael got married.  They had sex. They moved into their first home. And I’m so glad we did that and I’m so glad all those firsts for Jane were with Michael.  But this is a telenovela, as we so frequently remind you.  And we are only at our midpoint.

You’ll recall, back in the pilot, Jane was on a path.  Things were mapped out.  And then she was accidentally artificially inseminated and everything changed.  Well now, everything is changing again.  How does our romance-loving hero move on, how does she get back the light and the hope…?

Well, it’s certainly not quick.  And that’s why we’re now three years later in our story.  We’ll be flashing back to those three years and filling in gaps, but mining emotions realistically is something we work hard on and we knew the immediate pain of that loss would overwhelm our storytelling.  After talking to grief counselors, this felt like the right time to reenter Jane’s journey.  She’ll always feel Michael’s absence (and trust me, we will too), but it opens up our storytelling in new and exciting ways, while allowing for the light and bright Jane world that we love to write.  

Which brings me to something I feel really badly about.  The timing.  I’ve had so many tweets lately about how Jane is a bright spot these days. And I know you just watched a gut punch of an episode.  So, I just wanted to reassure you that Jane’s optimism will rise up.

Thank you guys so much for watching the show, for caring so passionately, and for going on our journey. And thank you so much to Brett. For his talent.  His passion.  His humor on set.  Michael will be missed in Jane’s world, just as Brett is already missed in ours.  

With love,

Jennie Urman

pjo musical: the rundown

so i went to see the lightning thief with @angelicomma yesterday and um. oKAY GUYS GALS AND NONBINARY PALS LEMME TELL U ABOUT THIS MOTHER!FUCKIN! SHOW!!!! because it was SO GOOD this is just like. the short list of what i loved about it because oh my god 

prepare for the longest post ever 

  • the set was such an aesthetic? it was all very metallic like there was scaffolding and greek columns with graffiti on them? it was very chb and very nyc and overall a Blessing 
  • every time they needed to show a different location they’d do it with the lights so like there were these lights lining the scaffolding that would change color ?? in the underworld they’d flash red, yellow and orange and were made to look like fire and near the ocean theyd be blue and if they were talking about trees itd be green and! if they wanted u to focus on a certain part of the scaffolding it’d be a different light color than any of the other parts which was rad af
  • the overhead lights were used really well too like when percy was singing about being the son of poseidon or when there was water the lights would be blue and when they were in the forest theyd be green
  • there is an entire song about how they hate new jersey and how they refuse to die in the garden state. know this
  • the show was very low budget like oh my god it was great
  • they didnt make some of their own props so sally walked in once with a trader joe’s bag and also the most important bag in the world (containing the master bolt) was a fucking jansport 
  • their representation of water was just to attach toilet paper rolls to leaf blowers and turn the overhead lights blue like what even
  • they covered the first 4 rows in toilet paper at one point 
  • also they fuckin deca-casted everyone except for percy (chris mccarrell, the light of my life actually he was so good) 
  • jonathan raviv played chiron, auntie em, random chb girl in a bike helmet and braids (?), random tractor guy (?), a bus driver, a train conductor, hades, and poseidon and im probably missing someone. he had very distinctive characters for all of them not to mention horse puns 
    • “the gods are kind of dicks”
    • medusa’s eyes were just light up swim goggles
  • sarah beth pfeifer, who probably has the best comic timing ive seen ever, played clarisse, katie gardner, a fucking squirrel?, mrs. dodds, lotus casino girl, random camper assistant to mr. d, and thalia 
    • *chases annabeth down a flight of stairs with a sword while screaming* 
    • “for their sixteenth birthdays my friends all got cars. I got a fern and a mason jar!” 
    • “ARROWS ARE MADE WITH WOOD. I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN AN ACTIVITY THAT CONDONES VIOLENCE AGAINST OUR ARBOR BRETHREN!”
  • they had the most roles and they were GREAT 
  • george salazar was such a wonderful grover and mr d oh man 
    • mr d’s whole gag was he’d kick a chair when he got pissed which was hysterical bc the camper assistant would start pouting every time and he also wanted to turn percy into a dolphin 
    • “grover, are you ever going to wear pants again?” “NOPE!” 
    • his solo song was about thalia and how he couldnt save her talk about EMOTIONAL he cried
    • dam jokes
      • we might have more drachmas if you didnt spend them on those DAM SNACKS” “HEY! IT WAS THE HOOVER DAM” 
  • let me talk about. carrie compere for like multiple hot seconds bc GODDAMN GIRL CAN SANG 
  • she was such a good sally. can she be my mom. she sang a song abt percy being special and wonderful and i got a lil teary 
    • “you saved my life, percy. It’s time i learned how to live it.” cryin g 
  • her silena was really funny? like very whiny but very funny.
    •  “every time i bring a boy home, my mom’s there in her nightie […] she steals my mascara and all my dates!” 
  • she also played sort of charon? underworld guide in this awesome gold dress (she looked SO GOOD) who smacked grover’s goat ass (?????) 
    • “you know, bringing people to the underworld isn’t my only job. I also have a band. wanna hear a demo?” “not really?” “sorry, i can’t hear you over this SWEET ASS RIFF” 
    • We got everyone! we got kurt kobain, we got beethoven. any requests?” “um, do you have josh groban?” “we will.” 
  • JAMES! HAYDEN ! RODRIGUEZ! was sO GOOD AS LUKE
  • THERE WAS A GOOD KID REPRISE AND I WAS SHOOKEN 
    • “being a good kid gets you nowhere at all” bruh 
  • they couldn’t have a scorpion onstage so luke just. fucking stabs percy in the back??? 
  • He was also a really funny ares and gabe!! 
  • ok and my gal KRISTIN STOKES 
    • fun fact abt me and kristin stokes ….. so we were walking in the same direction after stage door and so me and @angelicomma just walked with her….to the train…. she gave us dessert recs…… and talked about the show (she’s so salty about how rangey her big solo is but trust me she was so good on that song) and also waitress with us…. it was the best experience of all time she is so nice and cool and was wearing jurassic park leggings how rad is she oh my god
    • her annabeth? was awesome? she was witty and tough and aggressive and i was ABOUT IT 
    • she called out sexism all the damn time 
      • “annabeth, i get it. do you know how many schools i’ve been kicked out of?” “yeah, percy, but when boys mess up they get a second chance.” 
      • “hey, annabeth, who’s your dad?” “he’s a history professor.” “i thought everyone’s dad was-” “a god? that’s my mom. sexist.” 
        • longest yeah boi ever 
    • the moment where she betrayed luke at the end??? YES GIRL
  • chris mccarrell was such a perfect percy i am elated 
    • “Tartarus? LIKE THE FISH SAUCE???!!!?!?!” 
    • *swings riptide like a lightsaber while making lightsaber noises* 
    • *packages medusa’s head* “To Mount Olympus. Signed, Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase.” “the gods will think we’re impertinent!” “*winning smile* we are impertinent.” 
    • *pouts* “i know how to hold a sword! like this!” annabeth corrects him and he swings it “oh wow actually that’s a lot easier” 
    • in good kid he was like? running around the stage and climbing the scaffolding and shit? and i cried??? the no mom line was the WORST i wanted to actually scream and his voice is so pretty 
    • and he was so shook by his own powers oh man 
    • he was just. so good at the twelve year old thing it was fantastic he was all fidgety and Dramatic ™ god bless
    • he loves sally so much!!! all the demigods were salty af abt their parents and he was just quietly singing like “my mom loves hugs and scary movies” and i just. screamed quietly
  • there were rlly cute percabeth moments too. 
    •  percy’s knocked tf out the first time annabeth meets him (she infiltrates his dream a lil) and he sings a lil song abt how she’s beautiful and stuff and he wakes up and she’s all “YOU DROOL IN YOUR SLEEP” shook 
    • she shows up at capture the flag (percy hasnt officially met her yet) and he points at her and was just “gasps YOURE MY DREAM GIRL!” and annabeth side-eyes him hardcore and he goes “UM. THE GIRL. FROM MY DREAM.” 
    • “the god is my mom. sexist.” “NO NO I LOVE GIRLS!” annabeth is shook yet again and percy panics and is like “I MEAN UM THEYRE VERY NICE” 
      • percy gets serious side eye from luke
      • it’s great  
    • when percy gets stabbed they almost kiss and then grover RUNS ONSTAGE “HEY! here’s your ambrosia percy” goddamn it was DRAMATIC
  • im definitely missing shit but oh boy it was so so good
  • i’d kill a man for that soundtrack  
  • if you have the chance (and the money) it’s just. such an Experience and everything i could have ever dreamed of. the cast is great (and theyre all so freakin NICE s/o to kristin especially). 
  • i’d highly recommend it!!! A+ 1000/10
2

Harry Styles’ solo album might be the most anticipated debut this side of the millennium. Following years as the bullseye in the global behemoth that was One Direction, the singer is taking center stage with a self-titled effort that’s a classic cocktail of psychedelia, Britpop, and balladry. If it was a color, it would be the baby blue of Jimi Hendrix’s Fender Stratocaster or the soft pink of Mick Jagger’s suit when he performed on “Top Of The Pops” in 1971. It’s rock and it’s roll, but it’s also soft and sensitive. Produced by Jeff Bhasker (Kanye West, Fun.) it’s a record that could force the position of mainstream radio by ushering in a reprise of proper music — ensembles, verse-chorus-verse, rich instrumentation, or, basically, Adele’s bag of tricks.

Despite the red herring of lead single ‘Sign Of The Times’ (it clocks in at just under six minutes in length), the album is a short shrift 40 minutes and contains ten songs that are largely about women. Unlike Robbie Williams and Justin Timberlake before him, there’s a deepened millennial sensibility to being a leading man. Harry is a sensitive soul; A post-Drake phenomenon; A serious pop performer with enviable vocal chops and a gifted ability to convey a song’s emotional heft. He oozes class, ease and a sense of import without thrusting forth from the hips, or wreaking of a self-satisfied sense of boyband emancipation. Both respectful of his past and nervous for his future, “Harry Styles,” the album, looks both ways. - Variety

Read on for a track-by-track:

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anonymous asked:

I just need to comment how much I love the fact that they seem to now have separate spaces for filming and living!! I can't understand how weird it must've been to not have a place in their old house that was just theirs, and I'm happy to think they may get this privacy now (and if they do decide to share little bits of the upstairs part, then great. But I hope they do what makes them more comfortable!!)

They’ve made their upstairs a sanctuary and away from work while their downstairs is where they’ll record everything and I’m so happy about that because I can imagine how flustered dan and phil could’ve gotten in the london apartment having no space to themselves that didn’t remind them of making videos and to hide away IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM AND THE LONDON DUPLEX WILL BE GREAT

it’s funny how just a few lines from dnp’s own mouths about a certain issue can completely change the way you see something that you thought you’d fully thought through and had a grasp of before. i was quite certain that in this new place they would likely not film in their bedroom(s) because i thought i understood, on an intellectual level at least, how awful it must be to know that millions of people can constantly look into the places where you live/sleep and generally have all of the intimate, personal, human moments of your life. it just made no sense to me for two people who are so, so private and value that privacy so much. i’ve frequently thought about how they might have felt trapped in this house that they chose and the filming habits they developed when they were five years younger and more naive about the degree to which their audience would continue to grow and grow. but somehow it hit me in a more visceral way today, and in a sharper way, to hear dan talk about how they were going crazy in that house, not just for the somewhat silly/comedic reasons they listed in their announcement video but because their whole house was also their filming set. he talked about how the gaming office was also their actual office and their whole house is always full of cameras and lights. it made me think so much more deeply about what it must be like to live that way, in which the physical space that you occupy and that you treat as a haven and a sanctuary–the only place you’re ever away from prying eyes–is still constantly exposed to those same prying eyes all the time bc you have nowhere else to go. and shelling out money for another filming space (”an office” like many popular youtubers have started renting separately from their homes over the past few years) never seemed like a move dnp could make. they are apathetic and probably legitimately anxious in certain ways to leave their home,  and they seem to genuinely enjoy working from home and staying inside as much as they can. and shooting their vids in the place they live gives them a ton of flexibility– like the ability to film at 3am, which seems to have become habitual for them. 

basically. without rambling about this for too long. i’m emotional in the best way that they’ve found a place that presents a perfect solution to these issues that they’ve had to live with for so long. i’m just so so happy for them. they’ve created a way to continue working from home but to also have an actual home where they can be fully and authentically themselves and never have to worry about the fact that millions of people know everything about how they live. they can still show us that truer part if they want, but only on their own terms–through photos and very brief or occasional filming,,, whatever they want to do basically. but they are setting the expectation and standard from the get go that that portion of the house is theirs. and this speaks volumes to me. it’s such an immense show of commitment to their relationship and to their future–it shows that their life together (their personal life, not their professional one) is something that they think needs to be protected and nurtured and cherished and everything about that is so lovely <3  at the same time they have gone to great lengths to also ensure that we feel comfortable with this change–they’re making sure that their filming locations are set up in ways that we are familiar with, utilizing a lot of the decor and tidbits that we’ve grown to love and that also mean a lot to them. they’re not filming in some sterile location that is stripped of everything personalized and human. things like the sofa crease and the muse poster and phil’s bedspread and whatnot–items that were originally bought bc they meant something to dan and phil but that eventually also took on great meaning to the audience–those things will still form the backdrops to the content they make. but upstairs they’re giving themselves the chance to fill a new space with presumably new things and new memories that are all for them. i don’t know how anyone could think about that and not just feel a little bit faint about how much dnp clearly value each other and this life that they share. it’s enough to make my head spin haha :) i’m so happy for them, and so content when i think about the peace and promise that this move might be bringing to their lives.

Punk (Chap. 9)

Summary: You’re head over heels for your best friend Bucky and hate the nickname he gave you as it doesn’t exactly scream romance.

Word count: 3423

Warnings: Language, mission/war related violence and gore, shooting, enemy deaths, i think that’s all…*shrugs*

A/N: Chap.9  finally, I know!  This is a it of an information dump/setting the rest of the story arc up chapter.  I tried to dial down the angst since you lovies all told me how you cried on the last chapter :( and put some action and humour in instead.  I hope you like this one and I CAN’T WAIT to give you guys chapter 10 in a few days so please stick around through this one!  it’s worth the wait!

**I’m actually legit terrified that i peaked with the last chapter and nothing will ever be as good, especially this chapter, but i hope to give you guys a good story for the rest of the series.

Feedback fuels my life btw….and the picture is from google…i searched for beautiful things… ;]



“Kiddo, wake up we gotta go.”

Clint’s rough, scratchy voice woke you from an uneasy sleep.  Your head was pounding and your eyes felt sticky, as if they’d been glued together in the night.  “Mmm, wha—w’as happ’nin’?” you mumbled, rubbing a hand down your face. 

“Problem in Brooklyn, we gotta go.  Get dressed,” Clint replied.  He smacked your leg and the bed bounced as he got up and walked towards the closet.

“What about the desert? Nebraska?”

“New Mexico,” Clint clarified with a snort. “There’s no desert in Nebraska. Remind me to get you a map for your birthday.  Now, get—up.” He ripped the blanket away from you, causing you to squeal as cold air rushed over your legs.

“Gah!  I’m up! I’m up!”  You jolted upwards and scrambled out from the bed.  

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Evermore

Summary: Loosely inspired by the song “Evermore” from Beauty and the Beast. Bucky had it all planned out. He spent days planning the perfect proposal - the perfect proposal for the perfect girl, but things don’t always go according to plan. 

Word Count: 1,731

Warnings: Angst


Originally posted by trevanterhodes


Bucky fidgeted with the velvet jewelry box nervously, pausing every now and then to glance back at the door to his apartment. Any moment, Y/N would come walking through, her warm smile lighting up the apartment. Hers was the smile that somehow managed to steal into his melancholy heart, the smile that melted the layers of frost and gave way to spring, the one that nurtured the tiny, fragile seeds of love little by little until they blossomed.

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S4 Meta: Jasper’s Pranks and What He Means By Them

I got inspired to write this meta by a youtube comment on a clip of Jasper and Bellamy forest talk in ‘God Complex’. The comment was - “I think that Jasper is actually trying to be nice to Bellamy”. Which made me laugh because it’s actually true. I think that Jasper has been trying to be nice to people through most of S4, but because this comes through the filter of his drunken obnoxious madness, nobody is really getting it. Not the other characters or most of the viewers. And that’s really tragic. What’s more, I think Jasper’s trying to be especially nice to the people he has felt the most hurt by. I think this is part of Jasper’s process for letting go. Just as Jasper urges Bellamy not to waste his last ten days on his self-recrimination, Jasper also doesn’t want to waste his time on his negative emotions. I think Jasper’s pranks are his form of purging. He is trying to turn resentment into something positive. He’s trying to be nice.  

Prank One: Floating Jaha

Like all members of the 100, Jasper resents Jaha for sending them to die on the ground. All the hell they have gone through since they set foot on Earth is a hell that Jaha dropped them into. What’s more, the 100 were all waiting in cells to be floated on their 18th birthdays. Many had seen family and friends floated before their imprisonment. So with the mattress on the lake, Jasper gives Jaha a funny mock execution as a very public prank. Not only can Jasper laugh at Jaha, but anyone else who suffered under his merciless Arker laws can laugh too. Jaha’s executions were a serious matter, but hating Jaha for them won’t bring anyone back. Jasper’s prank renders Jaha powerless and makes him human again. It means a few days later Jasper can offer Jaha a drink and try to cheer him up with Dr Seuss poems. It means Jasper can be nice.       

Prank Two: Scaring Monty

This one is the toughest to explain because it’s obvious to any sane observer Jasper’s acid rain prank is very cruel. And sick and wrong. But to the less than sane Jasper, it’s meant to be a joke. I feel that this prank is deliberately aimed at Monty, the only one who tries to run out to save Jasper. Now Monty is actually the person Jasper cares about most. Monty is the one Jasper addressed his suicide note to and Monty is the one who Jasper is upset about being deemed expendable by Clarke’s list. So why is his prank on Monty the darkest? I think it’s because Monty is the person Jasper felt most hurt by. Because it hurts worse to feel betrayed by your best friend, your brother. Jasper mock dying of radiation poisoning in front of Monty after Jasper had to watch someone he loved really die of radiation poisoning is to purge the resentment he feels towards Monty for Maya’s death. With the acid rain prank Jasper is giving Monty a taste of that same pain. But he knows he can’t waste anymore time resenting Monty. It won’t bring Maya back. And sure enough after Jasper has had his mean little joke at Monty’s expense, they’re right back to being best friends and Jasper has talked Monty into playing pranks with him like old times.     

Prank Three: Foaming Clarke

I think fans overestimate how much Jasper resents Clarke. His prank on Clarke has nothing to do with Mount Weather or Maya. As Jasper said way back at the Dropship scene with Monty, he understands why Clarke did it. He understands that Clarke has no chill when it comes to survivalism. What Jasper resents are all the “pointless tasks” Clarke roped him into in the name of survival. His prank on Clarke is simple - Jasper just wants her to chill out. As he snarks to Monty, getting Clarke to chill would be doing her a favor. I think Jasper even feels sorry for Clarke’s total inability to have fun. Of course, the foam prank goes array as Jasper discovers the list just before it and is consequently given a new reason to resent Clarke. But after the list leaks out and Jasper has his own time to chill in the brig, not only does he let go of his anger at Clarke, but he offers her advice on how not to make everyone else mad at her too. Again, Jasper’s trying to be nice. His final line to Clarke is heartbreaking - “Some day when all this is over you’re going to realize that foam bit was funny”. To me, what Jasper is saying here is that after the radiation has passed, he expects Clarke will have survived while he will be dead and that he just wants for Clarke to remember him as the boy who squirted foam in her face and smile.      

Prank Four: Hijacking Bellamy

Jasper roping Bellamy into a pointless task of his own isn’t part of the Jasper prank season but it serves the same function. I’m sure Jasper has heard about Bellamy almost getting himself killed trying to save a delinquent and his dad lost in the woods during the acid rain. Jasper teases Bellamy’s desperate need to save everyone, the surviving 100 especially, by waltzing into the forest knowing Bellamy will have to chase after him and protect him. Jasper knows Bellamy is wallowing in self-loathing for the crappy things he’s done and all the people he’s failed to save. Jasper knows this because he’s wallowed for the same reason. And Jasper doesn’t really forgive Bellamy for his failings, anymore than Jasper forgives Clarke or Monty, or anymore than he forgives himself. He just knows that resentment and recrimination are pointless at the end of the world. It won’t bring anyone back. It doesn’t matter anymore. The clock is ticking and Jasper just wants his friend to be happy again. Embracing Bellamy’s old “Whatever the hell we want” motto is ironic considering that little S1 Jasper first hugged and started idolizing Bellamy after he’d stopped being their reckless rebel leader. Jasper is the reckless one now and he knows that Bellamy needs to let go. So Jasper does a nice thing by basically abducting Bellamy and forcing him to have a day off from hopelessly trying to save the world.

Tagging the usual people @jontyaxefive @insufficient-earth-skills @ginalou16  @dreamersscape @murphystartedthefire  @rosymamacita , etc, for your thoughts on Jasper’s end of the world fun.

My ECCC Experience

Warning – This turned into a book. I will put the bulk under a cut.

 Well, what a weekend that was. I see many people have shared their experiences & I wasn’t going to cause I didn’t want to be repetitive (plus I hate writing), but what the hell – here we go.

 It all started on Thursday night when my husband & I checked in at the Sheraton & then headed over to The Whisky Bar to meet up w/ about 25 other fans for whisky tasting & general mayhem. It was such a blast to meet other fans in the flesh & everyone was so lovely.

 Friday was very long & tiring, but also quite exhilarating. It started with waiting 3 ½ hours in line for the panel in VERY tight & warm conditions, but a good number of people had to wait in the cold rain, so I won’t complain. We ended up in the 8th row on the center aisle. We had a perfect view of the stage, but a bit far for any great pics from my camera phone, but I’ll share a couple here anyway.

 Since everyone saw the panel already, I won’t get into that except to say it was absolutely marvelous. Sam & Cait were glorious live & the energy in the room was palpable. Everything they said is pretty much a blur & I still need to rewatch it to make it all real.

 We went straight to the autographs after the panel, but they were already capped off, so we hung out for a bit & then headed to our dual photo-op w/ Sam & Cait. The organization was a complete shit-show and they had no idea what they were doing. We were moved all over the place & then smooshed all together against the wall to wait again while they figure it out. After about an hour, they got it together & we were on our way to stand in line.

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Time to get this post out before I die hyperventilating into my “Raven Reyes” paper bag because I honestly don’t know how to deal with her anymore, but here we go. You know that moment when Raven breaks down in front of her friends and how Bellamy then calmly speaks to her to build her up again?

I didn’t know how much I needed that type of scene until I saw it to be honest - I was fully unprepared let me tell yall lmao - but now that I’ve seen it and have witnessed in which context it unfolded itself it’s honestly become one of my favorite moments in the episode, because Raven gains back her strength through the presence of all her friends in that one minute of total weakness.

Like, the writers really do love to rough it up for our characters during very critical situations, but in this particular case it’s very touching because it’s seriously not a moment created for the kicks, but the kind of moment that wants to make room for “optimism” that brings this wild set of characters even closer.

And I love how we dial down through the stress there, especially when focusing on Raven, because her breaking point is the catalyst for the unity. I absolutely could go on and on about how significant that short conversation between Bellamy and Raven is for me alone, as he inspire her the same way he inspires Clarke or the others, but I am even more affected by the fact that Raven truly isn’t able to hide herself anymore, but, as I’ve said above, works herself out of her own insecurities with the help of her friends and gains back her strength.

I mean, just look at this moment when she gradually starts to snap while standing in the middle with everyone surrounding her, watching her: 

Or how she ends up so bound and buried deep inside her own fears that all she feels she can do is sit down and hate the situation she finds herself in:

It hurts and GOD I love it here, because Raven’s feelings carry the kind of realism that many can relate to, she hates failing and she hates not being able to pull things off so she puts distance between her and the issue by practically giving up. But the point of this scene as a whole is not that Raven isn’t smart enough - as she states - because she got rid of ALIE’s code in her brain. We are actually past that already. What this scene communicates on a fundamental level is that Raven comes to realize that she is not alone in this.

In fact, all of her friends are by her side:

The “We need you” line is so important for Raven (and me obviously), because it creates a very dramatic call-back to that one time when she wanted to leave camp in season one. You know that time when Finn - the boy she loved and pretty much considered her only family - couldn’t even see why she was doing certain things (like working on the bullets) and how useless she felt because of that reaction she got from him - essentially tried to shut herself completely off from everyone around her, because they, as she believed, didn’t *need* her. Bellamy though, our heart’s guy, is the one who reminds her that they do need her with intense honesty, twice - back in season one after her confrontation with Finn and now in 4x13 when she believes she is not enough.

Being faced with the full array of cards against you is one thing, Raven has been through that ever since she landed on the ground, especially thanks to Finn and how their relationship changed on earth, but actually coming to consciously develop a sense of “team culture” through emotional connection with her friends is something else for her since Raven used to have only one person to turn to and that person failed her back then. Bellamy does what Sinclair used to do. He doesn’t simply apply to Raven’s ego, instead the writer’s manage to open up a path to her heart through faith, love and understanding.

And that pushes her forward. That love she receives from Clarke, from Bellamy, hell even Murphy (4x09), that is the game changer for her in this moment. Raven loving herself and the things she’s capable of doing is otherworldly, but expanding that love and stretching it out over this little group of messy people - that’s what she really wants, not just for herself but for everyone in this lab:

So Raven goes for it. Through the presence of her friends she not only learns as much about having people to rely on and consider a family as she can, and resolves to continue operating in a way that not only shakes everyone free - which essentially creates this sense of teamwork because there is unwavering trust radiating from every important team player here and if ALIE, a computer, can do it, so can they - but it also makes her a leader in her own right.

She’s prepared to face these obstacles with them just in time, as she’s confronted with a more mature set of challenges with her friends - the emotional progression - and inspire everyone in the room to get back to work.

And it’s beautiful. In season one she came down for a single person, now in season four she goes up and back to space with and for all of her friends.

She’s more than just an awesome person. She’s a growing, dynamically self-improving one, someone who is able to establish these deep connections with all of these people, who can navigate and bring in optimism as well as pragmatism, who is still in the process of learning, and will only get better at doing what she does - not just by herself, but with her friends, her family.

“I Don’t Get Jealous”  Lucifer x Reader

Word Count: 1,754

Lucifer x Reader

Request from Anon: Jealous Lucifer x reader please! Maybe where reader helps another Angel groom their wings and doesn’t understand how intimate it is or why Lucifer is so jealous.

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, angst

A/N: omg I’ve never wrote Lucifer before, I hope you like this, I was very nervous to write it lol. also i prefer mark pellegrino as lucifer better so i’m gonna use him for the gifs


Originally posted by markpellegrinoworld

Being in a relationship was hard.

Being a human in a relationship with an angel, let alone Lucifer himself, was even harder.

When you and Lucifer had met, you knew who he was, what he was. You’d been helping Sam and Dean hunt him down for god’s sake. You hated him to his gut, and wanted him back into the cage. That certainly didn’t change when you had first met.

He had taken you captive to hold you as bait for Sam and Dean, as you were their cousin and he knew that they would do anything for you. He kept you locked away in a room and only visited a few times a day when he would be giving you food. Those few times a day turned into several times a day, and the two of you started having meaningful conversations. You realized that he wasn’t as bad as everyone made him out to be- he just wanted to be loved by his dad, and he was honestly just hurt by the situation.

Lucifer eventually let you out of captivity, but you didn’t want to leave. You chose to stay there with him, much to Sam and Dean’s liking. But you couldn’t leave Lucifer. You felt like you had a connection with him, like you understood each other unlike anybody else.

Lucifer felt the same about you. When he had first taken you, he didn’t see you as anything but a piece of meat. You were beautiful, but you were nothing. Just a way to get Sam and Dean crawling into his lair so he could kill them, and then you. But once he started talking to you, he grew a liking towards you. He started to feel like he could trust you, which was something huge with him. He didn’t trust anybody. Eventually, when he realized that maybe his hiding place was too far out of reach for the boys, he decided he was going to let you go. He was genuinely sad once he realized that this woman that he had grown to like was leaving him, but that was immediately gone once you told him that you were staying.

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{PART 3} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; Thinking that you’re about to be fired, you start panicking about how you’ll survive with no job. Jungkook still can’t answer the many questions he has about you - and he questions himself in turn.

{Part 1} {Part 2} {Part 3} {Part 4}

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time)

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Hey guys! So, I wanted to make this post for a long time. Sometimes we are our own enemies and it’s so easy to get caught in fighting against yourself, and I want to be a new person and become someone that is content with who they are. A part of me wants to look back on this when I am feeling bad again and read everything I have written here, like a little reminder of my own, you know? With that, I hope you walk away feeling okay and content, like I hope to do, because that is my goal: for all of us to be okay with ourselves and our lives even on days when it feels like it won’t be.

Be proud of your art, because it matters.

Whatever you choose to create, know that is great and you should not look to others to find what is inside of yourself. So often, it is as if you look around and feel you are not good enough, because you may feel you are behind the curve of others you admire. But, in a way, that is perfectly okay to be behind the curve. Every writer, artist, poet, dancer, and singer did not start with an abundance of skill. They worked at what they loved to create to become your inspiration. Take personal notes from them and find who you want to be as a creator, on your own terms. And down the line, when you become who you want to be, you can become someone else’s inspiration. Where that begins is being proud of what you create, and finding the confidence within you to be your own great writer, your own great singer, or your own great poet. First and foremost, be your own inspiration. Be your first inspiration because it matters. Create your art because it matters.

It is okay to be alone.

For the longest time, alone and lonely have been exclusive to each other. And that is not true. Loneliness sucks. It is one of the worst feelings to have nobody to truly reach out to when you have a bad day, or even a great day. Loneliness is the feeling when you walk around and feel as though you are the only one in the world without someone to share your stories with, your words, your passions. But, aside from the pain of being lonely, you have the opportunity to be alone with yourself and love it. Find what makes you great on your own. I am not saying that you should not be understandably upset because you are lonely, but maybe it is a sign that you need to become the best version of yourself first. Find what is making you unhappy alone, and change it. That way, when you meet others, you will be the greatest you possible. Just remember, it is okay to be alone. It is okay to be alone at home on a Friday night, to eat at a restaurant alone, and to go to a movie alone. The best company is yourself, because nobody can or will know you better than you.

Don’t doubt your positivity/optimism.

There were so many moments in 2016 that questioned your faith, your beliefs, your hope, and your optimism. With everything that went wrong, personally or externally, it was hard to feel the space of your comfort being shaken, but that’s okay. You stayed strong through to this year, and that is what is important. Be optimistic for the future. Do not believe hope ends when there are moments of doubt and struggle. See the good in people, in unfortunate events, in life. Sometimes that space of comfort needs to be stirred to rattle that optimism inside you, to light the fire that keeps you optimistic, and to motivate you. So let it be stirred. Keep that fire alive.

It is okay to fail, or not achieve perfection.

Perfection is impossible. Nobody is perfect. You may look at someone from the outside and see perfection, but there is always something someone is fighting, no matter how small or big that thing is. And I understand. Failing sucks. It is horrible to feel inadequate at something or feel less than because you slipped and fell. It’s as though you can’t get up without the shadow of that failure beside you. Don’t believe in that. Your failures and imperfections are there to remind you that you are simply you and there is nobody in the world who does something once and instantly gets it right. That is impossible, just like perfection. Nobody is instantly great at everything they try at. And that is the whole point of failure: the act of trying. If you’re trying, you’re doing something.

Who you are throughout your life is not completely defined by what is out there.

I am talking about strangers, celebrities, media, and even family and friends. You are not your parents, or your friends, or celebrities. You have tons of opportunities to be your own person, with your own thoughts and feelings about what is going on around you. You have a way to make in the world, and it is only made through where you choose to go. Nothing in a magazine, movie, or someone else’s words can or should change how you feel about yourself, or change who you are as a person. When you wake up, you are yourself, so it is important to know who you are and not let things outside of your own influence take you down. It’s unhealthy and a disservice to yourself. Don’t rely so much on what is outside of yourself, because you live in one set of skin your whole life. Don’t spend it worrying about fitting into a box created by something or someone else.

They are out there.

Yes, they. The people that will understand you and love who you are. They will find you, or you will find them. It may take a bit of waiting, but it will be worth it. Maybe “they” are friends, or significant others, or maybe even family, but the point is to know that you won’t be alone forever. You’re not gonna keep your emotions, your passions, or your thoughts inside of yourself forever. You’ll find the ones that will be glad to listen, who will love to hear from you, and will be glad you are beside them. Like I said, it may take some waiting, but nothing worthwhile is instantly gratified.

You won’t notice it.

You won’t realize things have changed until they have already been changed. While sadness seems to remind you of its presence, happiness can blindside us. Once you’ve achieved what you want to achieve and done the things you’ve set out to do, you won’t understand it has gotten better and you have moved on until you’re already moving. As I said before, be patient; instant gratification is never as good as people say it feels. That moment where you look back and realize you’re in a better place than before is coming, and it’s gonna feel fucking great.

There will be shitty times. But, you are gonna be okay.

It’s easy to fall into believing things won’t be okay. Maybe it’s the day you’ve been having, or the people around you are bringing you down. And yes, things will be shitty for awhile. Whether that “awhile” is a few minutes, a few days, or a few months. But, you should not forget things will be okay, and you are gonna be okay. You have everything you need inside of yourself, even if it feels like you don’t in those shitty moments. Don’t let yourself fall into a space where you believe you won’t be okay, because you will. Things will be okay. For all of my hallmark advice and words that could be put on a self-help card, you will find the friends, moments, and everything in between that will remind you it all will be okay.

{Special} College!AU Kihyun
  • major: drama + classics (concentration: greek civilization) 
  • minor: ancient greek 
  • sports: is running around campus in a toga considered a sport? he did that once as a part of an impromptu production,,,,,, 
  • clubs: poets society, theater club, hosts the bi-yearly ‘on campus olympics’, playwrights united, so many tbh,,,,,,
  • kihyun’s love for drama comes from his love for greek mythology. it all started with him watching an old film version of the odyssey when he was ten and afterwards he couldn’t stop parading around the street asking everyone to call him “odysseus ruler of ithaca” 
  • but instead of going into film as a major, kihyun had started reading the playwrights of sophocles, euripides, and agathon and had fallen for the sheer madness of greek tragedy 
  • his love for both acting, writing, and the culture of ancient greece made him want to learn the language (although he is rather clumsy with it) but inevitably he ended up majoring in both drama and the classics 
  • bringing together the two things he loves most: being on stage himself, while also learning about the art of his favorite kind of plays
  • and everyone in the drama major agrees that if they ever put on productions based off ancient greek plays that kihyun HAS to be the main role -
  • like for their production of hamlet, kihyun was fine playing horatio - he didn’t have to be the prince but when they put on oedipus rex well,,,,,let’s just say there was no question kihyun wanted the role
  • mostly because in the play oedipus ends up blind and kihyun came into practice with a blindfold on and proceeded to try and prove he could still do everything without seeing anything,,,,he ended up in the nurses office buT HEY HE GOT THE ROLE
  • all his classes that focus on playwriting / scripts kihyun has this need to only write twists on greek mythology, or make up stories using the gods
  • and in costume design he’s always like “my sketches are based on artemis!! see the dress is short, but comfortable with nature-themed colors because artemis was the goddess of the hunt-”
  • and you know the way some people are harry potter nerds or ,,,, gamers ,,,,, or you know kpop fans,,,,, kihyun is a fan of ancient greece. to put it simply
  • and he’s really smart about the civilization, he knows so many facts and so many philosophers and writers and political figures - even though it might seem like he’s a little messy at times 
  • which believe me, kihyun can give off the messy feeling because he’s really easily frustrated by a A LOT of things. like he always gets too much on his schedule and then fusses about how he can’t finish
  • and minhyuk loves LOVES L O V E S to tease kihyun when kihyun is trying to focus on his work
  • and it ends up with kihyun chasing minhyuk around the library waving around his copy of ‘hippolytus’ like a weapon
  • but also kihyun always drags minhyuk into his room to read through lines with him or give him his opinion on kihyun’s acting
  • and minhyuk is like whY ME ASK SHOWNU and kihyun is like i can’t shownu’s only reaction is ‘good’ ‘nice’ ‘very pleasing’
  • like minhyuk and kihyun are always bickering if they’re in the same room and minhyuk’s always like ROFL YOU’RE SO MAD YOUR EARS TURNED RED!!!! and kihyun is like THEY DID NOT CO M E HERE SO I CAN WHOOP-
  • but in the end minhyuk is always one of the first people kihyun invites to his productions and it’s cute it’s like cats and dogs w/them
  • on the other hand, with everyone else kihyun is sooooooo sly and he’s always like,,,,,like he always knows everyones secrets and no one knows how
  • like he leaned over to jooheon once and was like “i heard you failed your test in global finance” and jooheon’s fry fell out of his mouth because he was like WHO TOLD YOU I SHREDDED THAT TEST and kihyun is just like (—–: heard it thru the grapevine~
  • also jooheon is just an easy target for kihyun because he always slips up and tells kihyun exactly what he wants to know and everyone is like kihyun let him live and kihyun is like hehehehe,,,,NO
  • tries to matchmake all his friends on blind dates and stuff because he calls himself the ‘modern day eros’
  • it flops most of the time and everyone in monsta x is like stop trying to wingman us and kihyun is like that’s why you’re all single because you won’t listen to me - the actual god of love
  • and even though kihyun seems like this responsible, on-top of his work kind of person there are times where,,,,,,,that isn’t very true
  • because college makes people doubt their abilities and kihyun has never been the kind of person who’d go around asking for help or advice,,,he always just gives his support 
  • but when he needs it most ??? he shuts down
  • and you learn this because every time you’ve ever seen kihyun,,,,you’ve seen the happy and excitable kihyun. the kihyun who laughs with his whole body, who speaks his lines with so much emotion that people C R Y, who is always shining on and off stage
  • you’ve seen him like this ever since you started volunteering to paint backgrounds for the theater club
  • and never once,,,,had you see him look sad. you’d seen him angrily yelling out when things were getting messed up, how he gets a little on edge when people keep messing up lines,,,,,maybe even the way his ears get red when he’s rushing to get rehearsal started but,,,,,,
  • sad??? nope
  • so you can only describe it as pure shock when you think that everyone has gone for the day and you’ve set up the large white banner that you have to paint for an upcoming production but as you step back inside the dark theater with buckets of paints you hear ??? crying
  • and it isn’t like sobbing or anything but you hear someone sniffle
  • and you consider like turning around and leaving them in peace, but when you catch a glimpse of the pink hair,,,,,,,,the pink hair of the only person on campus who has that bright of a dye job
  • you freeze and think “kihyun?”
  • and at first you don’t believe it because no way. someone so outspoken and charismatic wouldn’t seclude themselves to crying in the theater ,,,,,
  • but then you see him get up from the corner he’s slumped again, a liter of paper scraps making a ring around his feet
  • and that’s when you notice that you’ve locked eyes. your wide, confused ones staring into kihyun’s that are rimmed with redness and the tear stains down his cheeks glisten even so far away
  • something about it leaves you even more shocked ,,,,, because even like this kihyun is handsome. hauntingly handsome,,,,,,wiping at his face with his sleeves and desperately moving his eyes away from yours
  • and you think he’s just going to run past you. leave
  • but he seems stuck too 
  • and for a while you two just stand there in a silence broken only by kihyun sniffling every now and then and you shifting the paint can in your hands
  • and then you hear him go “im sorry, this is painfully awkward for you isn’t it?”
  • something sounds a bit bitter in his voice,,, what it is you don’t know ? but you transfix your stare and shake your head simply going “no. you’re the one that looks like you’re going through something painful”
  • kihyun’s head snaps up to look back at you and again,,,,,,something about the browns of his eyes seem illuminated and glassy
  • he bites back his lip but sadly drops his shoulders “you’re right. it is painful.”
  • now it probably isn’t your place to go around meddling into his business, but it’s never nice to leave someone crying alone without at least trying to extend a helping hand so shakily you step forward. setting down your can of paint you keep your eyes on him 
  • “what’s wrong?”
  • kihyun seems to break at the sound of your question. a visible shiver runs down his body and before you know it he’s back to his knees on the floor, picking up the scraps of paper and crumpling them in his hand
  • without really knowing why you rush over and try to pull the scraps from him. you unravel one and read the disjointed sentences, the obvious dialogue mixed in with stage commands 
  • it’s a script,,,,,,for a play
  • putting together a couple of more scraps you make out names like ‘aphrodite’ and ‘eros’. the names of ancient greek cities. words you can’t decipher but that are most obviously distinct of an old langue 
  • you look up at kihyun and he stares blankly at the paper before clenching his teeth
  • “they won’t approve it. greek tragedy isn’t popular in our time, it’s only meant to be studied.” you tilt your head and kihyun continues with a sigh
  • “every time we have to submit a draft, the professor gives it back. says, “kihyun stop writing tragedies. stop putting in obscure greek references. kihyun,,,,,,,,,,,do something more modern.” but i don’t want to. im not majoring in modern theater. im majoring in the classics. so what if i want to rewrite them. so what if i want to make a play about ancient gods no one cares about. i care about them. i ,,,,,,,,”
  • he stops and his gaze meets yours. your trying to piece the paper back, you want to read the scene but you can’t. it’s so ripped up
  • kihyun takes the paper and without looking at it recites that characters lines. he sets the place for you, olympus and than a city off the skirts of athens. you listen, enchanted at how he’s added all this to his memory. the smallest details, the expression on his characters faces
  • it’s only one scene that he recites aloud, but you edge closer and ask “is there more?”
  • kihyun lets out a shallow laugh and shakes his head “the professor said to give it up. i need to re-write something more to their taste.
  • you sit back on your heels and then get up, taking the paint can beside your feet and dipping it in a sand colored mix, you begin to paint a long line
  • kihyun watches and blinks “what is that?”
  • you turn to him and smile “ancient greek cities had columns right?you mentioned the outskirts of athens-”
  • kihyun gets up and  puts his hand over your wrist. he shakes his head and goes “you don’t have to.”
  • but you yank your hand and continue to paint. “i want to.”
  • for a couple of minutes you continue to paint, trying to imagine the backdrop kihyun described as best you can.
  • “what about the background you’re supposed to actually be drawing?” he asks and you run your free hand through your hair to push it back from your eyes
  • “ill do it after. right now, i want to paint this. i want to see a part of your play in front of my eyes.”
  • kihyun seems taken aback but he sees your determination. he steps back and you think he’s going to leave, maybe find you inarguable and give up
  • but then you hear him walk back and forth, taking in your painting so far and then a smile pulls at his lips
  • “well ok see the column, cover it in slight vine. there’s also a market scene in my play so we should add in stalls and maybe an animal or two-”
  • you and kihyun paint for hours. maybe three. maybe four. you and kihyun. alone.
  • you both end up with stained hands, sweat on your foreheads, and a half finished piece of artwork
  • kihyun grins and turns to you, “thank you.”
  • you shrug your shoulders, the overalls your wearing have long been stained with paint but now there’s even more and you feel bad because kihyun’s gotten his fancy looking sweater dirty but he doesn’t look like he cares at all
  • he’s looking at the background with shining eyes and you’re happy because you can see that the redness from crying is gone, that bitter tone in his voice is gone
  • and you’re looking at the passionate boy you’ve always found so mesmerizing again
  • but as  you two realized it’s getting late you set out the large banner to dry in a vacant part of the backstage. kihyun suddenly takes your hand and pushes his phone into it
  • “put in your name and contact so we can meet up and finish this?”
  • you gladly oblige and kihyun reads your name aloud when you’re done, almost like he’s testing it out as a line to read on stage. you feel a slight blush cross your cheeks when he says it so boldly but you hide it with a “hopefully this all drys over night.”
  • kihyun walks out of the theater with you, insisting that he hold half the empty paint cans and a brush between his teeth that makes you laugh
  • as you wave goodbye and go separate ways the warmness in your heart stays with you all the way to your dorm
  • the next day,,,,,,,,,,,,that warmness is gone
  • because the director of the play you were supposed to draw the background for is livid to see that instead of their european snowy mountains request,,,,,,you’ve drown an ancient greek cityscape
  • “are you an idiot? can you not listen to directions? HAVE YOU EVEN READ THE PLAY? this isn’t some bullshit remake of ‘Medea’. throw this out no one is going to use it!”
  • the yelling makes you flinch and you reluctantly try to roll the banner up but the director puts a hand in your way
  • “what are you doing? rip this to shreds, it’s garbage.”
  • you clench your jaw and stand up, “it’s not garbage. it’s for another play. i need to make sure not to ruin it.”
  • with a cocked eyebrow the director folds their hands and snorts “what other play? since when were there any greek productions approved by the theater club? no one wants to s-”
  • “i want to see it. i want to see my friends greek tragedy and im not going to ruin the art we worked hard on so if you can please shut up and move your hand. ill get to work on your background, practice for it doesn’t even start till next week.”
  • passing the director whose looking at you with an open mouth you roll the banner up and heave it into your hands. it’s long and heavy, but you figure you’ll be fine if you walk slow
  • but just before you do, another set of hands wraps around the big roll of paper and you see a familiar pink head stick out from the side
  • “need help?”
  • you grin at kihyun and the two of you lift up the unfinished background. the director mutters something about of COURSE kihyun wants to put on a play copying the tragedies and it takes everything in you not to snap at them
  • kihyun’s reassuring smile keeps you stable and the two of you walk out of the theater and kihyun leans the rolled up paper against the wall
  • “well, i guess ill keep it in my dorm. although im not sure my roommate will be happy about it,,,,,,then again shownu never really cares that much.”
  • you apologize but kihyun leans over to ruffle your hair
  • “why are you sorry? i should apologize for distracting you from making that other background. that asshole really went off on you - do you think you can just quit and permanently work for me?”
  • you know he’s half-joking but you play with the idea in your head for a minute before putting your hands on your sides and going “you know what, i think i will quit.”
  • and with that you turn on your heel, back into the theater before kihyun can stop you, and you shout “i QUIT”
  • before returning to kihyun whose waiting outside with his eyes the  size of the moon
  • “you- why- you”
  • you laugh and shrug “i don’t want to work for an asshole, might as well put my skill to good use for people who actually appreciate it.”
  • kihyun bites back a big grin and throws his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him suddenly and squeezing
  • “you know i owe you a lot!” you blush because he’s warm, his chest is solid and you fit so perfectly into the crook of his hand but you just manage to shadow it with another chuckle “you do! anyway, you need to finish writing the play,,,,,,”
  • kihyun lets you go and rummages around in his backpack, pulling out a thick stack of papers
  • “i spent all night on it. i mean i already had half done, but i actually finished it. you really motivated me.”
  • the words are simple but they make you heat up again and you take the stack, eager to flip through it and finally read the whole thing. kihyun somehow hauls the entire roll of paper onto his back and says he’ll call you when he’s free so you two can finish this up and so you can tell him what you think of the play. you nod and watch as he struggles across the quad,,,,,,,
  • you hold the play in your hands and think,,,,,it’s worth it. for him, it’s worth it.
  • you stay up reading it, even neglecting some studying to read it twice. from what you can figure out it’s a play on an greek romance tragedy where aphrodite meddles between a young girl and her secret lover,,,,,,,it’s kind of corny in some parts and over dramatic,,,but that’s the style that suits kihyun the best
  • and in the morning as you’re leaving for your first class you get a call 
  • kihyun’s excited voice on the other line calls your name and he says that if you have some free time to meet him in the art department soon. 
  • when you show up at the room kihyun told you about you see that all the desks are pushed against the wall and your unfinished background is spread on the floor surrounded by paint cans and brushes. kihyun is already on his knees, painting, wiping sweat away with one hand
  • but once he realizes you’ve come in he jumps to his feet and tugs you over by the wrist chattering about what he wants to add into the painting.
  • you guys paint together for horus, kihyun keeping the mood happy with jokes and stories and telling you more about the play he has in mind
  • at some point you two are sitting close together, shoulders basically rubbing up against each other
  • when kihyun leans over and you feel the tickle of a brush on your skin
  • and you look down to see kihyun painting a smiley face on your forearm
  • you retaliate by drawing a mustache on for him
  • he laughs and draws swirls on your cheeks
  • and the background is forgotten for a while as you both paint little things on one and other
  • kihyun covers you crooked flowers and scribbles of lines and you try to draw whiskers on his nose
  • and ,,,,,,,,, then you know kihyun is leaning in close
  • the brush he has is too big so he uses his finger to draw a pink petal on your forehead but then he makes the (good,,,,verY GOOD) mistake of looking into your eyes
  • and it’s still early afternoon with the sun peaking thru the blinds
  • of the empty classroom,,,,,
  • except,,,,,for you two,,,,,,,,,,
  • and your eyes are like,,,,,,,,,,,the most beautiful thing kihyun has seen in his entire life,,,,,your breathing both slowed,,,,,,,,your mouths inches apart,,,,,literally,,,,,
  • and both of you are thinking the same thing which is like ‘how soft are their lips,,,,,’
  • BUT ALAS NEITHER OF YOU DO ANYTHING AND INSTEAD PULL AWAY GOING BACK TO WORK EMBARASSED AS HELL
  • except kihyun cannot stop thinking about it and you keep touching your lips every second but ,,,,,,,,
  • kihyun just stops and goes “looks like we’re almost done!” in an effort to break the awkward air and you nod, adding some final details
  • and finally you get up and kihyun says you can leave it here to dry since no one is using this room today
  • and you don’t know why,,,,maybe it’s the leftover embarrassment, but you get your things and tell kihyun you have to go,,,,
  • but before you can make your escape kihyun calls out
  • “are you going to come and see my play?”
  • and you gasp because holy shit did he get it approved by the theater club????
  • but kihyun shakes his head and you’re like then how-??? and kihyun is like “just promise me, when i call you with an invitation you’ll show up right?”
  • and he puts out his pinkie and you’re like a bit confused but you link yours with his and promise
  • and kihyun reaches out like he’s going to ruffle your hair again but pulls back
  • and you leave,,,,,,,,,thinking about how kihyun is going to manage to pull off a play without the club but also,,,,,
  • your fingers touch your lips again,,,,,,but you’re like sTOP thinking about it let’s go do some homework or something instead!!!
  • ofc kihyun is in the room alone, staring down at the finished piece with his own hand over his mouth
  • before screaming out “YOO KIHYUN YOU ARE AN I D I O T” at himself and almost falling forward onto the damn background
  • but also like ,,,,,, two weeks passes and you don’t hear from kihyun. like you see him running around campus doing his usual thing, you see him teasing that other guy jooheon and hanging out with minhyuk
  • but everytime he turns and you think he might see you,,,,you duck behind a tree or pull up your hood
  • because ok you’re not going to admit it but,,,,,,,,,,,,you kind of are still embarrassed about the whole art room incident but,,,,,,you honestly though kihyun would have said or done something by now to show you it was all ok????
  • and you know it’s stubborn to not just text or call him first but you just caNT
  • and after it edges on three weeks you think well it isn’t worth it to care anymore. kihyun needed you around because you helped him with the painting. it didn’t really matter
  • but as you’re sitting in your dorm, watching some drama on your laptop your phone goes off and mindlessly you pick up w/o looking at the caller ID
  • and on the other line is,,,,,kihyun
  • who goes “you said you’d come if i invited you right? can you come down to the west dorms?”
  • and you sit up, almost knocking your laptop off your feet and you’re like “uh oh yes give me 5 minutes” and you can practically hear kihyun’s smile on the other end when he’s like ok great!
  • and that’s how you end up in kihyuns dorm,,,,,,, staring at the makeshift stage he’s made out of blankets on the floor and the familiar background you both painted taped onto his wall
  • and you’re not sure where kihyun is, but you can hear voices from the bathroom and suddenly ????? shownu comes out
  • wearing what you presume is a night sheet as a toga
  • and he starts off talking about his “daughter” who can’t find love and instantly you realize this is ,,,,, this is the script you read by kihyun
  • and then the ‘daughter’ runs out. it’s changkyun in a wig
  • followed by mischievous aphrodite played by minhyuk in another wig and a crown made out of plastic flowers
  • and the narrator in the back, who sits down in the corner is a very tired looking hyungwon
  • followed by the dashing young lover,,,,,,,,,,,, kihyun
  • (also in a night sheet toga)
  • and there’s music,,,,,,,every now and then provided by wonho with his ipod and jooheon who throws paper shavings everytime minhyuk appears since he’s playing a goddess
  • and the whole thing looks so,,,,,,,,so bizarre and silly
  • shownu pulls the script out of his toga to literally read off his lines and minhyuk is obviously improvising and when kihyun tries to hug changkyun changkyun almost smacks him away with his wig
  • and it’s,,,,,it’s a mess
  • but it’s kihyuns play. and you watch it: laughing and clapping and gasping when you need to
  • and finally, the last scene,,,,,,,,the last kiss between the girl and her lover,,,,,,
  • changkyun suddenly goes over to you and pulls you up, moving you toward his spot beside kihyun
  • whispering “he wanted it to be you, plus i don’t want to kiss him”
  • before sitting down where you were
  • and you’re looking at kihyun who says his last line before wrapping his arm around your waist and placing a gentle kiss right ,,,, on your lips
  • and you’re like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because oh god everyone is watching - was this kihyuns plan - he’s so soft and this kiss is so nice - wait oh god his friends are all watching
  • but then you can’t help it, your hand almost reflexively goes up to his neck to pull him closer
  • and hyungwon literaLLY clears his throat because AHEM this kiss is ‘short and sweet’ 
  • but when you two pull back it’s obvious the play is over and everyone in the room breaks into applause
  • but you’re star-struck staring at kihyun who just smiles and goes
  • “i’ve been waiting a long time to do that”
  • before turning to bow to the lone changkyun who is sitting where you were, pulling you down a bit so you bow too
  • and ,,,,,,,,,,, it’s crazy really
  • but somehow it feels right and you compliment everyone on their acting and helping and all of them crowd around to talk about how kihyun had bribed them to get them to do it
  • and it makes you laugh, hearing about how much effort kihyun put into this “play” just,,,,,,,,,,,,,,to show it to you
  • and once all his friends have filed out of the dorm. shownu leaving with jooheon to let you and kihyun be alone
  • you turn to him and go
  • “it was a good play, but you should really submit it to the theater club. it deserves more than just me seeing it.”
  • kihyun grins, kissing the side of your cheek and going “it’s ok. this play is special,,,,,,so special because it’s only meant for one person to see it.”
  • you: “me?”
  • kihyun: “the person i like.”
  • you: “so,,,,,,,,,me?”
  • kihyun: “pleASE i am trying to be romantic.”
  • you laugh again and kihyun collects you in his arms, pressing your foreheads together and wow yes kihyun asked you out by putting on a whole play for you and we ALL KNOW HE WOULD BE THIS EXTRA
  • but it’s cute,,,,,,,,,shownu comes back to find you and kihyun sitting in his bed reading through other stuff kihyun has written and shownu is like “id like to get some sleep but if you two plan on staying up giggling i will go make my bed somewhere else”
  • kihyun walks you back your dorm considering it’s dark out and you tell him that you’re serious though - he should get one of his plays put on by the theater club
  • kihyun just kisses you again and tells you you’re the best fan he’s ever had
  • and you hit him playfully because yes, fan but also -the best significant other???
  • and dating kihyun means literally just dating the most affectionate person in the world
  • from the moment you two meet up after your class to when kihyun has to leave you for practice ,,,,, kihyun is holding onto you
  • holding your hand, holding your waist, holding your face, literally just attached to your side
  • for that constant love and attention
  • and he’s even more passionate and dramatic than what you thought you knew
  • like he’ll get down on his knees with a rose in his mouth in front of your whoLE clASS on your 100 day anniversary
  • and he’ll insist on carrying you if you as much as scratch yourself on something
  • and he’ll serenade you outside your dorm window
  • and he’ll get his face printed on a t-shirt that says ‘i love kihyun’ as a gift for you
  • and oh gosh it sounds overwhelming but it’s all done with the best intentions because you best believe he makes himself a shirt that says ‘i love y/n’ with your face on it so he can wear it with pride
  • even though hyungwon sees this couple item and looks at you like please tell kihyun to burn these
  • but kihyun isn’t just passionate about you,,,,,,,,he’s passionate about your life too. he’s always cheering you up when you’re in a slump over course work or friends or family. and your family loves him because he literally is so polite and so well-mannered around them
  • and even on little holidays that most people overlook he’s like ‘let me call your family and thank them for bringing you into this world one again-’ and  you’re like PLEASE 
  • kihyun is also super smart,,,,,like he knows so much about ancient greek civilization and when he practices the language in front of you you’re like ‘you’re a genius’ and kihyun is like ‘i know, you’re lucky to be dating me. the next socrates’
  • and you’re like ok bye but he begs you to stay with many kisses
  • and he’s a drama major, and people think it’s easy but you know how kihyun stays up studying lines and then working on props that the club might need, and revising his own personal playwrights
  • and when you learn that he’s even taking a class on like lighting techniques??? for like stages???
  • you’re honestly like,,,,,,he is a genius and so hardworking,,,,,
  • so you’re always like giving kihyun a shoulder massage or helping organize his notes and he’s like “you really  care well for me”
  • and you play it off like WHAT would you do without me,,,,,but you’re just really proud of his hardwork
  • and that’s why when you hear that the club is looking of putting out another production you insist that kihyun submit one of his plays,,,,,but he gets all concerned again
  • so with confidence you submit a copy of it yourself and it gets picked?? and when kihyun finds out he runs to your first
  • and literally picks you up in a spinning hug because he’s like mY PLAY and you’re like I tOLD you TheY’D LOVE IT
  • and that one teacher that kept telling him to stop writing in that style,,,,,,well let’s just say he’s quite embarrassed when the whole drama department gets excited over seeing the club put on something modeled after the ancient greek play
  • and you ofc help to paint the background
  • and while kihyun is practicing, every now and then he’ll break his concentration to surprise you with back hugs and kisses on the neck
  • on opening night of the production,,,,, you have a front row seat along with the rest of monsta x
  • and it’s amazing,,,,,kihyun shines so powerfully with his performance
  • but watching him makeout with the other lead,,,,,well,,,,,let’s just say you force jooheon to cover your eyes for you
  • but after as you’re all congratulating all the student actors
  • you pull kihyun aside and just,,,,,,,,well just you kiss him with a bit more force than ever and kihyun pulls back like ‘is this a gift for my performance or are you trying to tell me something?”
  • and you blush because Shut UP but,,,,,also,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you’re like “kihyun let’s celebrate more,,,,,,,,alone,,,,,,,,in your dorm,,,,,tell shownu to spend the night somewhere else”
  • and kihyun’s ears go redder than blood and he doesn’t even have to open his mouth when you two show up in front of shownu
  • because kihyun’s hair is a mess already since you made out with him and his ears are blushing and you’re already nudging him in the side and shownu gets it
  • he’s like “ill comeback tomorrow, you two have fun. be safe”
  • let’s just say when shownu comes around in the morning he has to throw another blanket on top of you and kihyun LOL
  • and kihyun is amazing,,,,,,,at acting,,,,,,,at being a boyfriend,,,,,at ahem other things
  • BUT he’s also a good cook and when you find him at your dorm with late night snacks he made or just when you two have the time to use the communal kitchen
  • you’re just like im blessed,,,,he’s everything
  • and one summer kihyun surprises you with money he’s saved up for a trip to greece before the semester starts again and you’re like kIHYUN where did you get the money,,,,,,,,,,, and he just grins because apparently translating ancient greek for some older scholars is actually quite a well paying side job and you didn’t even know he was doing it
  • but ,,,,,,,,,,,, you guys go and it’s amazing. it’s short only a week, but it’s amazing and kihyun is like “if you hadn’t said all those thing, about how you wanted to watch my play no matter what,,,,,,i would have probably dropped out of drama as a major.” and you’re like what oh my god ,,, and he just grins 
  • and brings you close and nuzzles his face against yours because,,,,,,,,you motivated him so much and you continue to motivate him
  • and you’re like kihyun!!! you motivate me too!!! you keep me stable and positive
  • and it’s just romantic,,,,,,,,,,,,,kihyun makes everything so romantic
  • and once you get back and another semester of college starts and all of monsta x is so jealous of your ‘lovers getaway’ to greece
  • kihyun is like “hey, let me wingman you guys and sooner or later you’ll all be on your own lovers getaways ;)”
  • all of monsta x: no
  • kihyun: you all are missing out. like i have a s/o and you don’t think about that hMMMMMMM 
  • you: *face in your hands* why is he like this,,,,,,,,

college!vixx (here) & college!bts (here) & college!seventeen (here)

find special college!jb (here), college!mark tuan (here) college!youngjae (here), college!jinyoung (here) & college!jackson (here)

find special college!amber (here)

find special college!wonho (here) , college!im (here), college!hyungwon (here)

and please look forward to more special college!aus!

Opinions/Analysis of ACOWAR’s Queer Characters

Considering that I have been vocal about queer rep for this fandom, I wanted to discuss the four queer characters that we got in ACOWAR and go through the good and the bad for each. Please note that, especially in regards to Mor, I approach this from a representation standpoint, how the way queer characters and queer identities are discussed in relation to how queer readers will interpret them. Trying to discuss queer identities and characters from the character’s perspective would make this monster even longer than it already is, and I would prefer to leave those discussions to those from more abusive/homophobic backgrounds than my (healthy, more heteronormative than homophobic) background. @illyrianazriel has been discussing this pretty consistently, and I highly recommend this post in particular for a discussion of Mor’s queer identity as a character. Finally, please realize that I am only one person, and while I have tried to take into account the opinions of others I have talked to, it is impossible for one bisexual to speak for all bi/gay/pan people. This post is meant to be part of the discussion of queer rep, and I welcome other queer people adding your thoughts and opinions. (If you’re straight, please make sure that all engagement is respectful.) 

I didn’t really have any issues with Nephelle or Thesan. They were both highly respected, in loving same sex relationships. Nephelle in particular was viewed as a hero, an idol, whose actions are meant to be emulated and upheld by both the heroes and the reader. My only issue with either of them was the use of “lover,” particularly in the case of Thesan. I find “lover” to have a very sexual connotation which is uncomfortable when queer people are so often simplified to just what they do in bed. I realize that “lover” was also used in regards to straight relationships, but because of the sex-obsessed view of queer people, it still makes me feel uncomfortable. Though Nephelle’s “lover” eventually becomes “wife,” I was uncomfortable that Thesan’s “lover” isn’t referred to even as “partner,” which takes away the solely sexual connotation. They mentioned that their relationship was ignored UtM for what Amarantha would do to him, and so it is understandable then that he isn’t “consort” or “husband” yet, but in the spin offs that are after ACOWAR, if he’s brought up in that, I hope that one of those other terms will be used. Additionally, it bothers me that in the ACOTAR universe, there is still no mention of same sex mates. The mating bond in this world is very heteronormative, but it would be awful for SJM to make a world in which all Soulmates who experience True Love are heterosexual. If anyone has any additional information from something she said on tour, etc., please hit me up. 

While I (and many others) adored Helion, he very very narrowly escapes the “slutty bisexual” trope. Even our first contact with him in ACOWAR, the letter he sends accepting the invitation to the High Lord meeting–what should be solely professional correspondence–is said to be readable “between all the innuendo,” (293). Though he is mostly professional in the meeting itself, it isn’t long when meeting personally–without the “’swagging prick performance’” (450)–that he brings up sex. His sexuality is described to Feyre by Rhys as “Helion favors both males and females. Usually together in his bed” (450-451). While this alone would be enough to make him part of this negative trope, I believe it is avoided for a mix of four reasons. First of all, there are multiple other queer people in this book who are not viewed negatively (as above, with Nephelle and Thesan). Secondly, his sexuality, while joked about, isn’t insulted and is treated in a similar fashion as the jokes made about Cassian’s sex life in ACOMAF (this isn’t really possible to prove, per say, but it personally read as similar teasing to me). Thirdly, we are given proof of him being in love with, of having feeling and emotion for, a single person. It would have or could have been a true monogamous relationship if it was up to Helion, but the Lady of Autumn “’chose to stay’” (455). This removes part of this trope by showing that bisexuals can have romantic feelings for people and care about things other than sex. Finally, Helion is highly respected in the narrative/by the readers, perhaps only second to Rhys. This is shown multiple times. During the meeting of the High Lords, it is said that only three of the current High Lords were present for the last war against Hybern, being Beron, Rhys, and Helion (436). This in of itself sets Helion equal to Rhys in terms of experience, knowledge, and (at least political, if not magical) power. After the meeting, it is written in the narrative that “[Helion’s] muscled body was only a mask–-to hide the cunning mind beneath. I wondered if Rhys had picked that up from him” (452). Our Hero has this same trait–-a trait that the readers love him for–-and he learned it from Helion. Helion taught things to the Hero. I think that speaks for itself. Additionally, Helion is treated as a friend, invited to have dinner with the Night Court, as Kallias and Vivane are (459). Very specific battle plans are discussed between the Night Court and him, and he is intelligent and largely professional at the meetings. Then, in the final battle, it is said that “If Rhys[’s beast form] was a flying terror crafted from shadows and old moonlight, Helion was his daytime equivalent…. Together, my mate and the High Lord of Day unleashed themselves upon Hybern” (645-646). Once again, Helion is set as an equal to our Hero. Once again, this speaks for itself. Now, with all four of these factors at play, I would say that Helion avoids the damaging “slutty bisexual” trope. If one of these four were removed, I would argue he falls into that trope. As such, fandom should make sure that in the way we talk about Helion in the future does not remove the respect and complexity canon gives him. (I personally haven’t really seen anything that has made me uncomfortable yet, but if I do see an issue, I will call that person out on it.)

Now, on to Mor, by far the most controversial of the group. Her sexuality is told to Feyre as “I do find pleasure […] in both…. But I’ve known, since I was little more than a child, that I prefer females. That I’m… attracted more to them over males. That I connect with them, care for them on that soul-deep level” (589). I know there is currently a debate going on in the fandom over whether she is gay or bisexual, but I would like to say that this reads as bisexual to me. In fact, this is the only part of Mor’s queerness that I thought was well done: I, along with many other bisexuals I’ve talked to, identified with this description of her sexuality. I know that this is how I feel about my own attraction, and past that, it can be appreciated that there is a bisexual in media who is not viewed as “50/50″ like so many are, that can like both while still having a preference one way or another. Obviously this is a discussion that should be had among the bi and gay girls in this fandom but: people have called her lesbian. People have called her bisexual homoromantic. For the number of self-identifying bisexual women in this fandom who have said their attraction matches what is described here, I would call her bisexual. Though there are people who find the split between romantic and sexual orientations helpful, and there are bisexual homoromantic women in this fandom who identify with Mor’s description of her sexuality, I think that calling her bisexual homoromantic ignores the fluidity of sexuality that many bisexuals (myself included) feel. The discussion of labels is something that the fandom should continue to have, but in the fandom, if you are not bi/pan/gay, tread carefully when trying to name her sexuality. 

That description was the only good thing about Mor’s coming out. Everything else was, as my gay friend and I said while discussing it, A Heterosexual Mess. 

The scene starts off with Mor deciding to tell Feyre because Feyre got angry at her and Mor felt bad. That’s gross. No one should have to come out because their friend was shitty to them. No one should have to come out as a form of apology. No one should be coerced into coming out. And this might be a nitpick, but there is a line from this moment: “[Feyre] reached for [Mor’s] hand, prying it off her arm” (589). I know this was meant to be comforting, but a light caress on her hand to see if Mor was okay taking it would be a lot better than a straight person trying to force comfort on a queer person because They Are Understanding and Accepting. Later on in the scene, Feyre specifically says, and Mor agrees, that “’Rhys wouldn’t care–I don’t think anyone in Velaris would’” (592). But Mor continues to stay in the closet for the sake of Azriel’s happiness.  All of these things put straight comfort and happiness over queer health. All of these things make it seem as if queer people owe something to straight people. And we don’t. 

And then, at the end of the scene, Feyre says to Mor, 

“I’ll stand by you no matter what. Until then… Your secret is safe. I won’t tell anyone–even Rhys.”
“Thank you,” [Mor] breathed.
I [Feyre] shook my head. “No–thank you for telling me. I’m honored.” (592)

A queer person thanks a straight person for not outing her, which would negatively impact at the very least her mental health and relationships, if not her authority and power over her past abusers. The straight person replies that she is “honored.” Honored for what? That her friend has been hiding herself because of a homophobic society for 500 years and can only admit who she is to someone she’s known a matter of months? (I know some people find it easier to talk about these things with people they know less rather than more, but it shouldn’t be a big enough deal for Mor to be scared about it in the first place.) Honored that straight people have to be told that people they know are queer because otherwise they’ll assume everyone is straight? Coming out is not “honoring” someone. It’s telling someone, anyone that you trust to not hurt you, something about yourself. Coming out is a product of a heteronormative society. 

The fact that Mor has been hiding it for five hundred years is also disgusting. Considering that Helion’s, Thesan’s, and Nephelle’s queerness are all accepted, this would suggest then that the Night Court is homophobic while other courts/societies are not. There is no reason to make any place in fantasy homophobic. If you can write about a bunch of hot people with endless magic, you can write about a society where homophobia doesn’t exist. I was reading another meta about Mor earlier today by @my-name-is-fireheart, where she says that, with the Court of Nightmares being what they’re being, they would have made Mor’s life worse for her being queer. I don’t disagree. But then she says:

Realistically, I don’t know how Maas could have avoided Mor’s painful backstory given what we know of her family. The only answer is that Maas could have written Mor as out from the beginning, and…then what? Had the court of nightmares, in all its patriarchal glory, be okay with her as bi? Be fine with her preferring females? Be happy with a daughter who was LGBT? Sure that is all wonderful but…not realistic given who Keir is. So…the only way to really change Mor’s backstory is to change who her family is.

Yes, she could have written Mor as out from the beginning. She doesn’t need to change her family to do this. I’m not suggesting that Mor come out to her family while they still had physical power over her, but once she was in the Court of Dreams, she very well could have. It would just add another layer of hatred and resentment from her family towards her, her power over them, and her freeing herself from them. Also, you can come out to one group of people and not another. She could be out and free to the Court of Dreams, Velaris, and Prythian and not out to the Court of Nightmares. How would they find out? It’s not like she’s going to bring anyone she’s dating with her on her job (not until “dating” becomes “possibly engaged” or “married/mated” at least). Would she sit on the throne and make a proclamation of her sexuality? Maybe I’m the outlier in this community, but that’s certainly not how I did it. 

And I know, I know that coming out is hard. And that, as Mor says, you want to keep people from “shaming me, hurting me about this one thing that has remained wholly mine” (590). But by doing that, you are still putting fear above happiness. You are still putting straight comfort over queer health. And I really wouldn’t want a young version of me seeing this rep and doing that. Because I did it for a long, long while, and it nearly destroyed me. I don’t want it destroying another young queer girl, just coming into her sexuality. The scars and the pain of being queer fade generation to generation, but I will do everything in my power to end that pain altogether. And that means starting here, making sure that the media that failed me does not fail others.

With everything, I fully expect one of the spinoffs to be about Mor, her coming out to everyone, and her finding happy queer love. With all the pain Mor has gone through, she cannot pushed to a subplot as part of one of the other books–or worse, be pushed to the side to make room for a heterosexual ship. (And honestly, if this scene is gone back on and she ends up with Azriel, I will throw a fit. Because all that says is, “if you try hard enough, you can be happy with a man!” which is even worse than not having this at all.) If you are going to spotlight a queer character’s pain, you need to spotlight their happiness as while. And for future books and future queer narratives, the best way to prevent this would be to create a world in which homophobia does not exist, or doesn’t exist enough to force a queer character to stay in the closet. Because while coming out is a product of a heteronormative society, queer pain is a product of a homophobic society. Queer people aren’t tortured about their sexuality because of their sexuality, but because of how others view it. Yes, homophobia is something that needs to be worked through, but as a straight author writing about writing narratives of queer pain and homophobic societies in a fantasy book, you are perpetuating the very thing we are working to get rid of. You are contributing to the problem, instead of helping to fix it. And you are the one who is going to have to look yourself in the mirror every day and determine if you can live with that. 

*All page numbers taken from the US Target edition hardback.

Challenge Fifty Six

So today’s challenge is to create a safety plan or a self care plan.

So a self care plan would be something like this:
When I am feeling depressed/anxious/ other emotion that is hard to deal with, I will…
-Listen to soothing music
-Lay in bed and cuddle with my dog
-Talk to my best friend
-Meditate

A self care plan is aimed towards people who are suicidal or have been suicidal in the past. I haven’t ever had many suicidal thoughts, so my example might not be at all accurate to what you have experienced.

Part 1: Warning signs that a crisis might be developing (thoughts, moods, behaviors, images, situations)
-Thinking about suicide
-Planning ways to commit suicide
-High levels of depression
-Talking to others who are suicidal
-Self harming

Part 2: Internal coping strategies– things I can do to take my mind off my problems without having to contact another person (relaxation technique, physical activity).
-These would be things yoy could do for self care
-Coloring
-Listening to music
-Taking a bath
-Working out

Part 3: People and social settings that provide distractions
-Best friend (phone #)
-Parent (#)
-Other friends (#’s)
-Class
-Coffee shop

Part 4: People I can ask for help.
-Friends
-Family
-School counselor
-Religious leader

Part 5: Professionals and agencies I can ask for help
-Primary care doctor
-Therapist or psychiatrist
-National suicide hotline (US): 1-800-273-8255
-911 if you are actively worried you will commit suicide

Part 6: Making the environment safe
-Lock up firearms
-Lock up prescription drugs
-Move knives/ other danger items for you into a shared space
-If possible, ask people you share the space with to keep an eye out for you.

Again, I haven’t experienced suicidal thoughts, so my examples likely won’t line up with yours.

This should link you to the source I used; it is a pdf. I copied the parts/steps directly, and added my examples.

I know this isn’t my standard thing. I try to keep from doing too much mental health stuff, because I know not everyone is here for that. I, however, think mental health is extremely important and I will talk about it aaaalllllll day long.
One thing: If you are currently in therapy and are feeling suicidal, you may want to bring up a safety plan with your therapist before just doing it on your own.
I hope you all have a WONDERFUL day. If anyone wants to share one of there plans, you can submit it! Also, if you want to message it to me I can look, at it privately if you want to do that.
Have a wonderful day, lovelies!!

6

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT WHY THIS MOMENT IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME.

What Anakin’s saying here and the connections that are hinted at here–he’s feeling lost.  “What do you mean?” Padme asks.  Obi-Wan and the Council don’t trust him is his first response.  Let’s set aside that Anakin isn’t a reliable narrator in the best of times (because we have explicit confirmation that Anakin is wrong about this–Obi-Wan tells Mace and Yoda that Anakin won’t let him down, he never has, it’s obvious that Obi-Wan absolutely does trust him) because that’s not the point, but that he’s feeling lost and his first response to the question of why is to talk about Obi-Wan.  And the Jedi.  And how he wants more than what the Jedi are.  And that he knows he shouldn’t.

(Of course this is about how he wants more with Padme, he wants to be publicly married, he wants to have a public family, he wants to still be a Jedi, etc.  But this is also tied up with his feelings about Obi-Wan.)

I realize that i’m a shipper and so I’m not the most objective person about this. But, setting aside that it would never happen in canon, that for all that you can find some really eyebrow-raising moments re: evidence for Obikin, I know it’s not actually narratively intended.  SETTING THAT ASIDE, I kind of really do believe that Obi-Wan sleeping with Anakin would have saved him.  (Well, not just the act of sex itself, but the relationship that would have come with it.)

It would have opened up communication between them, it would have opened Anakin up and told Obi-Wan about all the secrets he was keeping and he would have understood that Obi-Wan loved him and wouldn’t turn him in and that Obi-Wan trusted him and, honestly, I think Obi-Wan would have seen that Anakin needed to find a new path in life, that the structure the Jedi Order provided that worked for so many didn’t really work for Anakin.  And Anakin wouldn’t have turned to Palpatine in desperation because he wanted a magic wand to fix everything and instead Obi-Wan could have sat him down and forced him not to panic.

It would have been complicated, because it then brings up the question of what Obi-Wan himself would do.  During the war, I think he could have bent his principles enough to have a relationship while still being a Jedi, because the war was grinding them down, there were no perfect choices, just difficult situations you made the best of.  But once the war was over… he would have had a choice in front of him.  Devoting his life to the Jedi Order or devoting his life to Anakin.

If Anakin were more stable and independent, I think Obi-Wan would stay a Jedi.  He is very much, through, and through, a Jedi at heart. But the Anakin we saw in ROTS?  Who was floundering and Padme was crumbling under the weight of everything that was going wrong, with the Republic and with Anakin? But the Anakin who desperately needed Obi-Wan to rein him back in?  The Anakin who was emotionally unstable and Obi-Wan understood how badly off he was?  Who so desperately loved Obi-Wan, loved him as much as he loved Padme, who benefited from being around him, who was so much happier when Obi-Wan was with him?

THAT Anakin, Obi-Wan would leave for, in a heartbeat.  If Anakin needed him, Obi-Wan would be there.

Because I really think that Obi-Wan tried to help Anakin be independent.  To be the Jedi Knight who stood on his own.  Obi-Wan, I think, tried to see too much of himself in Anakin.  Obi-Wan, who is much better suited to being the emotionally stable, independent, reserved one.  Obi-Wan who loves very much, but is, well, the more stable of their dynamic, for all that he can be incredibly reckless so very often.

And that’s what I think he was trying to train Anakin to, that same sense of being able to be the one others lean on.  And we see how well that went, with Anakin during ROTS.  He’s just really not made to be the emotional leader, despite that he feels he should be “that Jedi”.

He tries so hard to be that for Padme (who asks him, “Hold me, like you did on Naboo.”) and it tears him apart, his anxieties and fears consume him, his desperate push to try to be what he thinks he should be (the rock that she can lean on, the one who will save her, etc.) fails miserably because it’s just not in him, not like that.

This isn’t the same as being a leader in a war, because that he’s really good at!  But emotionally he wants someone to follow, someone to make things okay FOR him.  That’s why he follows Palpatine, because he wants that someone to fix things for him so very badly.  And I think if Obi-Wan knew that was a bone deep part of Anakin, something that could not be trained out of him, then he would fill that role.  If he knew how lost Anakin felt while pushing himself to be the Jedi he thought he was supposed to be, that he was floundering while trying to be the one who fixed things, then it would have changed everything.

So that line of “I’m not the Jedi I’m supposed to be.” always stands out to me.

Anakin very much is selfish and cannot let go, he’s obsessive about this love that he’s idealized in his mind.  He doesn’t given any consideration at all to what Padme would want (as it that she would NOT want him to go down this path to save her). Which is very, very selfish!  It’s absolutely about that just as much as anything else.

But I think it’s also his desperate attempt to be the strong one, to save the day and be who he thinks he’s supposed to be.  The Jedi he’s supposed to be, the husband he’s supposed to be, the friend he’s supposed to be.

All of which just goes down in rather literal flames, because that’s not who Anakin Skywalker is at his core.

Austin

Pairing: Jared x Reader

Word Count: 2,176

Warnings: some angst, lots of fluff

Prompt: Jared and Y/N move in together very early in their relationship. Y/N feels out of place and decides to leave abruptly, without telling Jared where she’s going. Ten months down the road, Jared has still hung onto her and still loves her and she realizes that she’s loved him all along. Based on the song “Austin” by Blake Shelton. 

A/N: This switches between Jared and the readers POV. Hopefully it’s not too confusing. There are lines when POV’s switch, it’s just never stated. 

When you moved out to Vancouver to follow Jared, the two of you had only been dating five months. It was a huge step in your relationship. Jared had gotten a job on a new TV show called Supernatural, and instead of leaving you behind in Austin, he asked you to come with him.

You hadn’t been able to find work in Vancouver, but you helped out around set as much as possible - mostly with cleanup or setup. It wasn’t hard but it wasn’t what you wanted to do in life. You had dreams of your own that practically begged to be fulfilled.

Jared got up early in the morning everyday to get to work. You shared a small apartment, just big enough for the two of you and his two dogs. It wasn’t much but it worked. Occasionally, Jensen was there too, in the spare bedroom, but when they left every morning, you were always completely alone.

You had already bought a plane ticket back home. It was a hard decision but after a long phone call with your brother and one with your dad as well, you decided it was right. You packed everything you needed, keeping it hidden from Jared - not wanting him to worry. Although, maybe it was a dumb idea to just leave him a note instead of calling him or talking to him face to face. But you were too afraid, and the plane would be leaving in a few hours, and it felt like the right thing to do, at the time.

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Sherlock Holmes on Elementary is definitely a jerk. But he’s also a good person with a deep sense of empathy. Let’s explore how Elementary fits into the legacy of Holmes Adaptions, and how the character is depicted in these complex, contradictory ways.

Transcript below the cut

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