if there is a bad pun to be made

One time in grade school, I was sitting around minding my own business, when some other kid walked up to me. I don’t remember anything about this kid– name, gender, anything. I only remember what happened next.

The kid said, “I won a pig.”

I didn’t have any context for this. I didn’t know this kid, and our school was in the city. It’s not like there were any contests going around where the prize was a pig. Not that I knew of, anyway. And if there were, why would it be any of my business? My mind didn’t really know what to do with this information.

So my mind did what it always does when it can’t think of anything else to do. It made a really pitifully horrible pun.

I said, “I TWO a pig.”

And the other kid went along with this, and said, “I three a pig.”

And we kept going, four a pig, five a pig, and so on–

–all the way until the other kid says “I seven a pig,” and I answer, “I eight a pig.”

And then I realize this was all a setup– one of those elaborate grade school jokes where you try to get someone to say something rude or embarrassing like “liquor and rubber buns” or “ICUP.” Yeah, very funny. I ate a pig.

And it wasn’t till years later that I realized how much of a leap of faith this kid took. They walked up to me with NO context and said “I won a pig,” just TRUSTING that I would carry the joke all the way to its natural conclusion.

Did they somehow know my pun-obsessed mind well enough to predict that I would make that specific pun on “won” and “one”? Even though I didn’t have any idea who they were?

Or did they actually forget that you’re supposed to explain the rules of the joke first (“okay, you repeat what I said, but with the next number!”) and did they just happen to get incredibly lucky?

Or maybe they actually freaking won a pig, and were just trying to tell me about it,  and
when I made a pun they just decided to run with it, and it was sheer coincidence that it just accidentally turned into a joke.

I want to find this kid, someday, and ask what the crap was going on. Too bad I have no idea who they were.

Headcanon that Keith starts making jokes all the time, but only when it’s just him and Hunk.

“No guys I swear he made a pun the other day,” Hunk sobs into Pidge’s unconvinced shoulder. 

“We’ll believe it when we hear it, Hunk,” Lance shoots back. 

Keith knows. he’s just messing with hunk at this point. they set off on a solo mission and he just smirks.

“If you like Shay so much, why don’t you Balmarry her?” he asks through the coms.

Hunk starts crying.

warm and soft like a fireplace….a heith….

Witchy Real Talk: Storebought, Man-Made, and “Not Powerful”

This topic comes up a lot in the witchy community. You’ll be browsing through articles about crystals and you’ll see something to the effect of “this citrine is laboratory grown! It doesn’t have any magickal properties! It has to be naturally grown for it to be worth anything in witchcraft!” And it’s not just citrine. I’ve seen this with amethyst, quartz (and not just clear quartz - the same arguments keep being made in regards to titanium quartz, aura quartz, et cetera), and even resin castings. Resin castings!

So… why am I writing this article? Because I’m a witch who attempts to live frugally who uses crystals and herbs and spices on a regular basis in my magics. And honestly, when it comes to magic, the most important part of what makes your spells tick is the relationship between intuition and intent. To see many witches bashing lab-grown crystals or spices kept in plastic containers honestly irks me just a little, and for a couple of reasons.

First, there’s the fact that there’s just a little bit of hypocrisy involved. Glass is man-made. Sure, it can happen naturally in the wild, but glass jars don’t form where lightning strikes silica rich sand. However, a good point can be made when it comes to the fact that plastic is more harmful to the environment. I can understand and relate to that. But what makes glass such an ideal container is that it is magically neutral, like clear quartz. You can cleanse it and charge it without any worry of it affecting your energy. Plastic, for many witches, has no magical significance. It’s not going to influence your magic, and honestly it can be cleansed just like glass.

So if you’re a new witch browsing through spices and herbs, feeling a bit dejected because the glass jar herbs are two to three times more expensive than the plastic containers, go for the plastic. Remember to recycle the containers, of course, but there is no reason magic should require you to spend an arm and a leg.

Sorry, couldn’t resist the pic after that… FMA fans get what I mean…

Crystals are even more of a source for contention when it comes to man-made objects. But what bothers me here is the fact that some crystals - especially citrine - are lab grown a good majority of the time. This is because the citrine we often find in crystal shops and metaphysical stores are vibrantly colored when naturally occurring citrine crystals are a lot less vibrant most of the time. Many witches also warn against dyed crystals for the same reason that “it has less power.”

Honestly, lab-grown crystals have many of the same properties as their natural counterparts. The only thing they lack (aside from the high prices of natural crystal) is the thousands of years worth of growing time in the earth’s crust. But I personally don’t see this as too much of a problem because this gives you a crystal which is a little more flexible and can be nurtured by the witch to realize its potential.

Where I see the danger in lab-grown and dyed crystals is if the witch is being scammed. Seeing that lovely piece of turquoise and buying it only to realize that it’s a different stone entirely, dyed to look like turquoise. Or when the witch is told that a crystal is naturally vibrant in color when it has been dyed, forcing her to spend her other arm and leg just to buy it.

What I’m getting at in this rant is that if you’re a new witch or a witch who’s trying not to spend all of her money, you should not feel railroaded into buying expensive materials. I have on my altar a citrine crystal that I know is most certainly dyed. I spent less than $5 on him because I felt that was a reasonable price for him. I have a piece of amethyst whose coloration is a bit drab and brown. That natural coloration makes her rather beautiful, but doesn’t make her any more powerful than the other amethyst I have whose color is a deep purple which I know to be enhanced by dyes.

In my pantry and cupboard, I keep a lot of spices in plastic containers and tins. Yes, some of them are in glass, but only when I know I can afford them or if there aren’t any alternatives. I use these spices in spells and cooking both, and feel no difference in energy between the two.

One of my coworkers who has an interest in crystal healing once said it rather perfectly. “It’s just a rock. It’s not going to do anything by itself. You have to give it the energy. You have to program it and direct it. So it doesn’t matter if it’s natural or not.”

Our crystals do have voices. They do interact with us. But it is up to us to direct energy into, through and from them.

Now, am I bashing the more expensive alternatives? Not at all. I have a lot of glass jars that I’ve collected over the years, and I have quite a few crystals that are a bit higher up on the price range than I usually spend. I’d be quite the hypocrite if I were bashing them. My ultimate point is that if you can’t drop that much money, then don’t. Work with what you have, or with alternatives which speak to you. I’d love to work with peridot, but because I don’t have the money to drop on it, I’ll stick to quartz, moonstone, and salt. There are always options. Don’t let yourself be limited!

Blessed Be! )O(

Dorky Otp Prompts

‘I caught you dramatically singing to your cat that laid on you stomach and it was honestly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen’

‘I saw you rollerskating and I thought ‘that person is cool’ but then you crashed jesus are you okay’

’I found you in the kitchen at 3 AM taking apart our cabinets with a crazed look in your eye ‘cause apparently you thought you heard a mouse are you insane what was tHAT’

‘You made a ‘pun jar’ it’s like a swear jar except every time i make a bad pun i have to put in a dollar looks like we almost have enough for a new aPUNment-fine ill put another one in’

‘I work at a pet shop and everyday you come in on your way to work and pet every single animal here you are the purest soul™ I’m so in love’

'Me and my friends are such memey shits and they made me send you one of those 'send your crush without context’ thing problem is you don’t use the internet much and don’t understand and I’m so embarrassed’

'Our parents work for rival companies and they don’t know we’re friends well my dad pissed me off the other night wanna pretend we’re dating and do like cute stuff in front of him to get on his nerve?’

'We’re at a karaoke bar and you went up as a joke but the lights are hitting you so perfectly and your voice is so angelic and wow I think I’m in love.’

'You had this giant ass ice cream but you were so excited that you dropped it and I’ve never seen a sadder person in my life please let me just buy you a new one’

'We keep awkwardly running into each other and people have started to ship us and I kinda like you ahaha oh god I need to stop blushing’

Klance - soulmate au

It happens for the first time when he is five.

He’s lying in bed with a cold, eating the chicken soup his mother made him, when he suddenly hears a bunch of children sing.

Lance recognizes the song immediately. It’s one of those they make you sing in kindergarten. He drops his spoon into the bowl and calls for his mom excitedly.

His soulmate must be around his age.


Keith almost falls off his bike from giggling.

He’s on his way home from school when his soulmate listens to some song about butts. It’s form him, he knows that.

It’s not what they usually listen to and it’s become kind of a habbit. They will listen to something with really weird lyrics at the most unexpected of times just to make Keith laugh. His parents find it a bit inappropriate at times but Keith doesn’t mind. He can feel his soulmate’s amusement each time and it makes him laugh even harder.

He likes to think about what his soulmate must be like. They mostly listen to pop-rock but sometimes classical music too. Keith likes it. It’s a nice contrast to his own undefinied taste in music. He also hears a lot of wedding and birthday songs so they must have a big family.

Their lives seem to be quite different but Keith likes to thinks that they complete each other.


Lance finds his soulmate’s taste in music weird. It’s not that he doesn’t like the songs, so far he liked all of them in some way. But there are so many different genres. He’s sure that his soulmate is one of those people who listen to everything as long as it sounds good in some way.

He keeps playlists. One playlist for every year since he turned 12. There are a lot of songs in them and they’re taking up a lot of memory but he refuses to delete anything.


When he’s 14 Keith is on edge. There have been no songs for over a week and he is starting to freak out. His soulmate usually listens to music every single day, so when there are no songs at all for that long… something must be very wrong, right?

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today in gaming

what I’ve learned so far playing FFXV:

Noctis: demisexual introvert, prefers animals to people, babytalks a stray cat he goes out of his way to feed but turns into Sullen Emo Child when forced to interact with adult humans. lowkey aware that Dino is hitting on him but has a -103 buff on flirting and a -50 buff on having his shit together in general. was probably Squall Leonhart in a former life, but has Rinoa’s dog. gay.

Prompto: confused bisexual puppy, why is everyone so pretty he cannot handle??? consistently distracted in battle because Gladio refuses to wear people shirts. will develop a crush on anyone if they stand still long enough. a Tidus/Zidane hybrid minus the tail and daddy issues. smol.

Ignis: highkey a Tired Gay, has no fucks left to give. why are his friends like this. runs on a potent mixture of snark, caffeine and exasperation. daydreams about putting Prompto in a child safety harness. talk shit get hit. doesn’t mind a few dings in his car, but touch his music presets and you’re a dead man. looks like Balthier, acts like Auron.

Gladio: aggressively pansexual but chivalrous as fuck. dedicated InstaGay. secret romance addict. instigator of bad puns, terrible car games and poor decisions made under the influence of alcohol. looks like Auron, acts like Balthier, and probably fucks like the Iron Bull minus the horns.     

Conclusion: this game is ridiculous garbage, and I love it.     

Okay but imagine: JLA group chat

-Bruce had originally made it for emergency use only, in case comms were down or whatever would warrant using civilian methods of communication
Naturally, it didn’t work out like that

-Barry uses it to send the team really bad puns and memes, as well as occasional science facts

-Clark sends pictures of animals he sees on the street (“look at this cute puppy I saw at lunch today” “Clark, this is for emergencies only” “Aw but look at its face”). He also will send advice and stuff, like once Barry stained his shirt and Clark gave him a quick stain remover recipe he learned from his mom

-In response to Clark’s animal photos Arthur will send pictures of various fish that he sees and will give extensive details about said fish (“this is an Acantholiparis opercularis, very nice fish”)

-Hal, who was originally excluded by Bruce but allowed in by literally everyone else, communicates almost solely through emojis

-Diana has threatened Bruce several times in the group chat while the others just sit back and watch the show

-Victor, who is also in a Teen Titans chat, is the one person who just doesn’t really say anything but will sometimes message at like 4 am with some random thing

-Since they’re all in different time zones, it can get really confusing as to when people are awake or working (but Bruce is always likely to respond since he’s all “no sleep, only justice.”)

-Sometimes they (mainly Barry and Hal) send selfies (“Just beat Captain Cold! #winning” “Barry, you are in costume, be professional” “Chill out B, it’s no biggie” “Did you just unironically say #winning?” “Okay Victor, nobody’s perfect”)

-Someone totally would have named it “Super Friends” out of nostalgia or like “The Super Seven”. Something really lame and cringey but amusing nonetheless

-Some backstory. We had just killed some Lizard people after getting drop out of an air ship. We need'ed information so they managed to keep one Lizard dude alive. So my fellow players, a Wizard and Paladin went to work TORTURING the HELL out of this Lizard guy. The Paladin/bad cop couldn't speak Daconic but the Wizard/good cop did. So there’s me, only offering question the Wizard to ask the Lizard man and a Monk looked on as these two went to town on this poor, poor Lizard man. After the game the Wizard made a post on Facebook that I HAD to share on here.-
 
“Learned two things from a game of Pathfinder.
1. I am armed with a ludicrous amount of reptile puns. Lizard Folk, beware.
2. To my great horror, I am perfectly willing to disregard the Geneva Convention’s laws regarding treatment of prisoners of war while engaged in the pursuit of loot and level-ups, provided that someone else does the beating.”

Things All INTPs Should Remember

- It’s okay to be absent-minded, but it’s not okay to be rude.

- Communicate with other people, because they can’t read your mind.

- There’s never a bad time to make a pun, and never a bad time to laugh at one, especially if you made it.

- Yes, people might call you vain for laughing at your own jokes, but if you didn’t think they were worth laughing at, why would you make them?

- Emotions aren’t the monsters they seem.

- It’s okay to let people know that you need alone time.

- If a child wants your attention, don’t brush them off.

- “Real” life skills are important. Don’t discount something because it’s not intellectual.

- Take a shower now and then. Please

- Also, eat something healthy.

- It’s bad for you to forget these things.

A List of 101 Jungkook/Jimin Recommendations

Since I began reading Jungkook/Jimin stories early last year, I’ve tried to keep track of all the ones that left a lasting impression. Unfortunately, I most definitely have missed out on other amazing stories that I have either not read or have not been able to recall (a lot of the ones on Tumblr I’ve unfortunately got no way of digging out of my 20,000+ likes).
Regardless, I hope you find something in this list :)
(List is in no particular order, and I’ve tried to include summaries as provided by the authors themselves. Also, please read the tags accordingly, as the list includes stories covering a wide array of topics)


Start a Riot by chihiro (Rating: E)

- Jeongguk and Jimin have been at this for a long time. The only difference now is that Jimin has grown up and Jeongguk sees no reason why he shouldn’t have what he has wanted since a long damned time.

sweet like honey by graseun (Rating: M)

- we’ve been making shades of purple out of red and blue

Nowhere We Can Really Be Free by bangswing (Rating: E)

- Jeongguk is awakened to the supernatural walking beside him, wearing an ugly sweater and the sweetest smile.

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