if that's what you wanted to do in the first place

I can’t stop thinking about the wisecrack carrie fisher would make about debbie reynolds dying a day after her: the joke about her family, always bringing the drama, the ‘she couldn’t stand to let me have all the attention even when I had just died. I want you all to remember that I did it first.’  

I like to imagine her in the afterlife adding material to her stand up: ‘I’m really disappointed to be here tonight, I was hoping I’d get to haunt george lucas for that metal bikini.’ ‘do you know how long the line for this place is? I flipped off nancy reagan and fidel castro on the way in. ’ ‘when I said dear lord please don’t let me live to see that orange buffoon be president I should have been a helluva lot more specific.’

playing to a sold out audience, her mother in the front row. bowie and rickman at a table in the back. 

soft palms good suit, realtor buy-the-house-after-one-room smile, he chuckles, “yeah, but,” sniffs in like he’s inhaling a sedative, “where do you hide the bodies in a place like this,” says: a place like this,

let me tell you about a place like this because under the trees and fresh paint and cars they get detailed with a toothbrush and windows that they cover with soap just to make sure ‘the cleaning people fully do their job’ (ha, ha, ha), let me tell you where they hide the bodies

let me tell you what their kids smell like, or maybe not, maybe your stomach isn’t strong enough. in our last week of junior year bella breaks down in the hallway and says, “i’m bulimic,” and i want to say, “no, you’re bella,” but instead i say, “why, why, why? you’re beautiful as it is,” bella’s history says: this is why, this is toddler in tiara turned young girl in tiara, turned teenager with too much baby fat on her to get anything but kicked out of beauty pageants (she hated them, she hated them, but what her mama wanted, her mama was gonna get), this is girl-on-cheer-squad looking down at her hands and thinking, “would i get a crown if they saw me today” and no, and no, and no, her body floats in a toilet bowl

let me tell you the body of justin with his chattering teeth who got straight-A’s but never stopped trembling with what we thought was caffeine: one day I caught him crying in a back room, he said, “please don’t tell, please don’t tell,” he said: anxiety. he said: self-harm. he said: been pushing myself too hard for too long and now it feels like everything is crawling down my throat and setting up camp on my vocal chords and sending little spiders through my bloodstream, now it feels like no matter what i do, i can’t feel anything. he said: look for my body next to the dean’s list, i have to make it, i have to make it.

where do they hide the bodies here? in senior year the captain of the football team killed himself when he didn’t get into the college his parents had pushed him for. randi’s stomach turned purple with the bruises her father gave her. david never got out of drugs after they made him drop art as his main subject. alex just wanted to be a boy in peace but his mother’s contempt refuses to acknowledge the “he” part of “she,” was struck down and suffocated by dresses and makeup. everybody wanted to be the best but only one person could be, which meant the rest of them were left upstream with nothing but fingers they rotted through while trying to catch their parent’s dreams.

oh, trust me, they murder plenty here, but they dress up the corpse and keep it running. wouldn’t want to ruin a long-term investment. wouldn’t want the neighbors to notice something bad is stinking up their jewel-green lawns, their soapy windows, their garden-by-the-pond. nothing different lives here, not for long. either you are one of their button-ups or you were made all wrong.

in a place like this, you got nothing but bodies. the houses are all too clean and the mothers drink too much and are overly friendly and the fathers don’t come home until way after their shifts are over. oh, sure, the kitchen floor is stunning and you gotta love the failing school system and you gotta love the community and you gotta love everything, just gotta, just gotta.

a place like this. a place like this. a place full of emptiness.

—  suburb kid // r.i.d
Some Things Are Unforgivable

Anakin’s Force Ghost: [exhausted and disheveled, rubbing his eyes] OK…read what we have so far back to me. 
Obi-Wan’s Force Ghost: [putting on reading glasses] All right. “One - steal his mask and then tell him he doesn’t get it back unless he does what you say”, “Two - catfish him online and attempt to siphon away money from the First Order until it dissolves”, “Three - tell him that the light side has hotter ginger guys if that’s what he’s into” – awww…Anakin…
Anakin: [winks] 
Obi-Wan:  – “Four - kidnap him and send him to one of those cult-deprogramming places” –
Anakin: …wouldn’t have worked on me.
Obi-Wan: – and “Five” – well, actually the next 15 lines just say “kick his ass”, which I don’t think we’re allowed to do anymore. 
Anakin: [throws his pen at the wall] But why can’t we just go kick his ass? That kid is out there, sullying my name… 
Obi-Wan: …well in fairness I think you really got the ball rolling there – 
Anakin: …and concealing a full head of Skywalker Hair. ON PURPOSE!
Obi-Wan: [clenching his fist] The man is a monster. He must be stopped. 

the difference between penelope’s and victor’s reactions to elena’s coming out though… penelope is such a great mom, even she had a little bit of a tough time getting used to the fact that elena’s a lesbian but she never, not even once, threw her own difficulty in dealing with that over her daughter’s shoulders as if it was her problem to solve. instead she went to her lesbian friend and asked for genuine advice bc she knew she wasnt being fair to elena and all she wanted was for her kid to feel safe, accepted and loved - which elena is. you know, it was a new thing to her, a big and fresh discovery, and she had her time to figure out how to be more comfortable about it and she got there. because she cares and loves elena, just like alex and lydia do (i mean lydia deadass ranted to herself about it until she realized she was totally cool with it no biggies). thats what good parenting is, trying to understand your child without hurting them, not throwing a tantrum and leaving in the middle of their quinceañera just before your dance together. thats just being selfish and an asshole, and both of those victor really was.

So… there are wildlife rescue centers in the urban fantasy settings, right?

A little Rosstrange fanfiction...
  • Doctor Strange: *calls Everetts phone*
  • Everett Ross: Hi, I mean, hello...doctor. Do you have any problem now? Do you need to talk to the King?
  • Doctor Strange: First, sweetie, dont call me doctor... Stephen or Strange, choose one of these two. And in the second place, do you really think that I want to talk to your silly boss dressed as a black cat? All I want is your booty right now. F*ck him.
  • Black Panther: What did that stupid said?!
  • Everett Ross: *blushed* Please, Doctor Strange, this number is for emergency porpusses only, thats why I gave it to you. And please, try not to offend our honorable King.
  • Doctor Strange: ...Well, your honorable king has called me stupid, my dear.
  • Everett Ross: *whispers* Have you drinked again?
  • Doctor Strange: ...No... Have I told you that I really really love you?
  • Everett Ross: Sadly, yes.
  • Black Panther: I didnt know you were gay.
  • Everett Ross: Im not gay!
  • Fred seeing you at platform 9 ¾ and following you into a compartment
  • you two talking the entire ride about your holidays and what is yet to come
  • being exhausted after your first day of school and finding George waiting for you in the common room
  • spending the evening with him and your friends, and him kissing you goodnight when you leave for your dormitory!!!
  • Fred wanting to sneak out on his first day of school and convincing you to do so
  • having a great time breathing in the autumn air on the weekends and genuinely enjoying a bit of free time with Fred 
  • meeting George in the hallways and him always having something to tell you
  • cozy evenings with George in the common room after an exhausting day of school!!!!!
  • Fred coming back from Quidditch practice on a rather cold and rainy autumn’s day and having a minor cold, so you take care of him 
  • George taking you to Hogsmeade and you two strolling around for ages
  • Fred suggesting you should look for a quiet place in the castle, whereupon the two of you almost get caught 
  • Me: I want to write something really messed up, and smutty. Something dark. No real plot, just like a bunch of porn. That would be fun to write.
  • Brain: Okay that sounds cool, but what if you add a really complicated sub plot in to it?
  • Me: I mean... that could make it interesting but I just really wanted to write smut—
  • Brain: Yeah but instead how about you forget about that and focus completely on the plot, and the details and the set up and forget completely about the smut and your original intentions?
  • Me: Why... why would I do that?
  • Brain: Cuz you gotta.
  • Me: Fuck, true.

If you’re only showing kindness with the expectation of getting something in return then you aren’t showing true kindness. If your kindness, your support stops because you aren’t receiving what you wanted, what you expected, in return then it was never genuine. If you can’t be nice without it being reciprocated then you were never being truly nice in the first place. True kindness is given freely. Kindness should be a gift, not a loan.

I really don’t understand some of these antis like, If you’re so easily distressed at the sight of seeing a woman be challenged, go through some hardship and have her mind unwillingly read then maybe Star Wars isn’t for you. Hell, maybe you’re not even ready to see strong female leads with male antagonists in the first place because special treatment isn’t equality. “Oh she’s a woman, so the mere sight of a man mistreating her automatically means it’s abusive no matter the situation!!”

The screenwriters & director tried to make it clear that they wanted Rey to be seen as an equal that can take care of herself and to not be treated like some delicate flower by everyone around her.

“But he read her mind without consent & threw her into a tree!” Okay, if you were in Kylo’s position what would you have done differently? Yeah it was still a shitty thing to do on Kylo’s part but he is the antagonist/villain, it’s to be expected. It’s unrealistic of antis to think that he shouldn’t have done anything, I mean, really? What did they expect an antagonist to do? Oh I guess he should have just stared at her then, let her shoot him or use her newfound force powers and get away since she’s a woman and we’re apparently not capable enough to take care of ourselves without having a total meltdown. This is equality, Rey being seen as a worthy opponent and no “but you’re a girl” remarks or implications being made by Kylo. Plus we all know that if Kylo wanted to murder Rey he would have done it within seconds, we’ve all seen what he’s like when he’s ready to strike.

Literally this entire anti-rey/o discourse is “Oh this makes me uncomfortable and it should make you uncomfortable too! think like me or else!”. Not liking a Hero/Villain ship is fine, it’s not for everyone understandably. But when people start to behave like others should share their discomfort without question, that’s when it starts to become weird.

anonymous asked:

i really want to just stop having an fp but at the same time i love her (thats the how she became my fp in the first place) but whenever i stop loving someone, i just.. dont care that much about them anymore, like, i wont even text them to tell them things as often as before, i wont even be curious what they are up to, etc. however at the same time, i hate feeling dependent on her when she doesnt even need me that much (despite her not-through-words assurance that she also need me) also, i will

(2/2) feel bad if i stay away from her because she will be sad.. but my heart isnt strong enough to hold on.. do you have any suggestion..? (please tag as emms)

I wonder why and how you want to stop having an FP- like do you just not want this friend to be your FP anymore or do you want to work towards not needing an FP at all in the future? If you do not want to have this person be your FP right now, I can see how fearing the hurt of ending your relationship with her may be making it hard to consider cutting off your relationship with her. However, if you want to work on not needing and not having an FP in the future, that can be a gradual process and does not need to start by cutting this person out of your life. You could work on setting small healthy boundaries in your relationship instead of ending it, that way you can train your brain to see that it is possible to have a solid relationship and not need an FP. Of course that is going to feel uncomfortable, difficult and terrifying, but it is possible. 

 Whatever your motive is for not wanting an FP, have you considered, that despite how painful it may be, that there can be a balance where you still have this person in your life? Right now, all you are familiar with is the black and white view of either this person is my FP or this person is out of my life completely. Even if you may not have the motivation or desire to continue a friendship after you lessen your dependence on them, you can still try to maintain one, if not for your sake, perhaps for theirs. 
If you aren’t seeing a MH professional, I would recommend meeting with one to work on your interpersonal relationships and finding healthy boundaries, without needing an FP, if that is something you want to work towards. In the meantime, here are some links on setting healthy boundaries if you do decide you want to try to work on this with your current FP. Some of them are targeted for romantic relationships, but the concepts apply to most relationships. 

Take care,

anonymous asked:

Oh ok no hate on k*llura but I got a little worried you did. I mean even if you did, you do you but I... really dont ship k*llura since I really want a pretty alien female to ship her with instead. I never really do straight ships either. If youre still taking dirty voltron requests, what about Shiro/Keith/Lance with Keith getting spitroasted? If not thats cool, I still love the filth you draw. If it werent for word limit I'd go on about some gross shit w Keith sandwich. I love bottom keith.

i mean just let ppl ship whatever they want why does it matter in the first place  😟

So like that job interview thing was less of an interview and more of a “what can I do to get you to come a work for me” thing and holy shit I just got offered the job of my dreams but like?!?!?! Am I ready for that? Can I do this? Why does he believe in me? I don’t even believe in me? Like, he wants me to evolve into his kitchen manager? And like be his pastry chef? What is my life? I am so confused as to why he even wants me to work for him but I’m crying over the fact that I don’t know what to do.

*shows up like 8 hours late with a can of hairspray and a severe case of over exhaustion*

what up since i’m known for being critical of rick’s writing i figured it’s time to put in my two cents

**toa spoilers and sleep deprived ranting under the cut. this is a fairly negative post, you’ve been warned**

Keep reading

one night, after the group is hanging out, lucas offers to walk everyone home. mayas place is farthest away, so the two are walking side-by-side in silence when it’s merely the two of them. when they reach the stoop, maya turns to thank lucas, but he’s right behind her, so she crashes into them. “you really didn’t need to walk me all the way home.” maya protests, avoiding his eyes. “please don’t fight me on doing something when it’s already been done. i did it tonight, ill probably do it tomorrow night, too.” there was a moment of comfortable silence between the two; something lucas never really felt with riley. suddenly, an idea sparked in his brain. “you know, you haven’t done the whole ‘hur-hur’ thing to me in a while.” lucas said as maya shook her head as if she didn’t know what he meant. “the thing where you get really close to my face, and go–” lucas brought his face an inch away from hers, forcing her to look directly into his wide eyes. “hur-hur.” maya said softly, a faint smile on her lips. that was enough to give lucas the courage to kiss her right there on that very stoop. it gave him the courage to do it everyday after that, too.

jynersvs  asked:

Hey! I've been floundering over sending this for a couple weeks but I finally decided that I would. I noticed you're having a tough time right now and I'm really sorry. I wish I knew something better to say but I figured I could at least say this. I love your writing (specifically your emsider fics, for obvious reasons lmao). I really do. It's beautiful and thought provoking and honestly some of the best stuff I've /ever/ read. Anyway, I hope things get better soon. If not, I'm always here. :)


This message right here? This is the first thing to make me smile in days (besides my brother, but he always makes me smile, since he’s my best friend, so you’re in good company).

Thank you so much for this message, and for taking the time to send it, and for even wanting to send it for so long in the first place.

Thank you for reading what I write, and for liking it (I’m always pleasantly surprised when that happens).

Thanks for the well wishes, and for the offer of support. All these things I thanked you for really do help a lot. ♥

imagine; dave asking karkat to teach him about quadrants and karkat is so glad to, right? going over each of them first passively, then starting to get detailed and hes so expressive and makes all these gestures and hes so excited and dave is just enraptured but hes also discontent with it. hes got it bad for karkat, really really bad and as hes listening to these quadrants his heart is sinking lower and lower into his stomach because he cant place what he feels in just one.

dave who ends up upset about this and karka tkeeps pushing it asking whats wrong, whats the matter, why are you upset until dave finally just backs him into a wall w his forearms on either side of karkats head and his forehead pressed to karkats, eyes shut tight behind his shades and he apologizes. says hes sorry over and over and that he loves him, loves him so much, and he tried- he tried to figure out what quadrant because he knows thats what karkat would want but he cant and hes sorry. he cant put it in just one. 

and hes so fkn upset because karkats taught him to feel and to see what his life was before and what it is now, that hes loved now, that hes safe now and he doesnt always have to be on his toes- and he wants this, wants it so much he cant help the tears that slip out from behind his shades, but he cant do it right. he cant do right by karkat and e doesnt deserve him if he cant figure this out and hes so torn up about it..


I think this is the saddest part of the episode because for the first time in decades and decades of stanford hating on stanley they finally talk like true friends again but then a second later Stanford starts asking for his house back and his name back and that Stanley can only stay because he has to look after the kids, once again leaving stanley in the dust after they have to leave, and he doesnt even get a thank you for saving his brother and getting his life back. Thats cruel, and all this for a stupid college that he could have gotten into with scholarship but he had to be the dumb one and baby about it for decades. While he is basking in his college money and ending up doing what he fucking wanted to do in the first god damn place. He dares get mad at stanley that just came back from living in his car and sometimes a shitty motel, living off of scratcn n wins, almost get kidnapped, and going to jail 3 times! And all that to try to regain the friendship he had with his brother so very long ago.

imagine riding ashtons thigh like at first you two were just getting really intimate and and you were beginning to get really needy and your core ached for ashtons touch. you started grinding on him to get some relief but he grabs you by the hips and stops you and says, “oh babygirl you’re so impatient” and you moan in response. he reaches down to your leggings and slowly inches them off you, leaving you in your pink lace panties. ashton licks his lips when he saw them. he picked you up by your hips and placed you on his thigh. you put your arms around him and bring him in for a very needy kiss. he starts bouncing his thigh and you realize what he wanted you to do. you started grinding on his thigh and you moan into his mouth, showing him how good it feels. he takes his hand and starts to rub your clit in figure eights. you start to feel your orgasm building. ashton whispers in you ear and says “let go pretty girl” and thats all it took for you to release everything you had onto his thigh. ashton smirks at you and says “round 2?”

I feel like im in limbo
Inbetween safe spaces
Running from bad places

“im sorry, im sorry”
Is that all they fuckin say?
Be original for fucks sake
Im dying here
Crying here
Losin my fuckin mind here
I dont have no fuckin friends
Or family
Or no fuckin 401K

Im young and im restless
Always with these messes
I dont wanna sense these senses
I numb myself evey night
I hate to hear their voices

GOD! PLEASE! Take it the fuck away from me!
I cant stand myself
I cant stand real life
The fuckin knife
My strifes my pride
You know the life I’ve lived
The price I’ve paid
To get to where I am today…

I told my nan,
“I feel like my whole life, I was born to be abused”
What a fuckin ruse,

How i feel is up for debate
And you know i hate
These dusty carpets
With all the shit thats been swept under it…

I’ve lost faith…

I love to sleep
I love that lull
That intimate and sleazy pull,
“Come unto me”
“Its going to fine”
“Just sleep it away”
Its promising
Its shiny
Its such a sweet deal
Up until i discover
Just how fuckin
- just how fuckin awful i feel

Being awake tries me
Like flyin in a blizzard
I can hear her
Im fearing her
Those fuckin times
They shake me
They grip me
Its here
Ever present and closing
Closing onto me
Hard to breathe
I dont wanna breathe
Those times do reek
Real bad and deep
Web MD
This shits a mess
Yeah, they cant help me…

I just wanna feel safe
In a safe place
Some place quiet
Without the booze
Or sleazy pills
I’ve had my fill
I’ve seen too much
Shits real tough
Trying to stay asleep
Hoping to stay alive
I dont wanna feel
I dont wanna hear
Or smell
Or see
Or taste my tears-
Fuck these fears
Theyre the shit keeping


From being me.

I want to forget
And i want to wake up
Return to the lull of living
Unafraid and unharmed
But for fucks sake, its so hard

These loud sounds
These echoing pounds
Those angry screams
They haunt me

Im here
So much fear
Waiting- and away from there
Thats good I guess
But time will only tell before i realize that my life’s a fuckin mess…

—  I finished this at 4:27 am, June 30, 2015