if people treated doctors like designers

InterdictedKai’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex

I wrote this up in response to another post but it really should have its own post here on my blog. The topic? Sex scenes involving trans guys, how to write them, and how not to write them.

There’s been a lot of trans male headcanons popping up in fandoms lately. And that’s awesome! As a trans guy myself, I love seeing trans headcanons by both cis and trans people! And there’s been a lot of fics & art involving trans dudes having sex popping up lately. And that’s awesome too! Hell yeah we can get down and do the do! Unfortunately… many of these headcanons, art pieces, & fics don’t portray trans guys, their bodies, and their sex lives accurately. And that’s… not so awesome. There’s some pretty icky stereotypes and commonalities going around. So I’m here to shed a little light on trans men and how we get down.

First, I’d like to start by saying this content is of a mature nature, please exercise reader discretion before deciding to read it and follow your local laws & restrictions regarding such content.

Second, I’d like to note that my ask box is always open to questions if anybody wants to fact-check their trans fic with an actual trans dude. I’m more than willing to help educate.

Now, on to the lesson!

InterdictedKai’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex:

  • SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Trans guys come in all sexual orientations.
    • If a trans man is having sex with a man, whether that man is cis or trans, that is gay sex. They’re both men. Having gay sex.
    • If a trans man is having sex with a woman, whether that woman is cis or trans, that is straight sex. It’s a man and a woman. That’s straight sex.
    • Trans guys can most often be found fucking: gay men, bi/pan men, straight women, & bi/pan women. In other words: People who are attracted to men.

  • TERMINOLOGY: My number one issue with people who aren’t trans guys (eg: cis, nb, etc) writing about trans guys having sex is the words they use. Topping the chart: CALL IT A DICK, NOT A CLIT. Seriously.
    • Up top: The most standard term for talking about a trans guy’s chest is ‘chest’. A lot of pre-op & no-op trans guys are really not okay with having the lumps on their chest called ‘breasts’. So if you’re writing about trans men getting some action on their torso, you’re better off talking about his chest and nipples than his breasts and nipples. 
    • The pole: It’s a dick. It might be a small dick but almost universally every trans guy I’ve met calls it a dick or cock and either dislikes or is actively squicked by it being called a clit. I’ve had so many conversations with other trans guys where we salt about seeing cis people writing trans guys in fic & calling it a clit. Sure, there are exceptions, trans guys who use the word clit, but there’s also gay men who use the f-slur to describe themselves. That’s a personal use. It’s not the standard. It’s not the common term. It’s not okay if you’re someone who isn’t a trans dude writing about a trans dude having sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re cis, nb, or any other identity, call it a dick. It’s a dick. Call it a dick. It doesn’t matter if they’re pre-T, on T, or if they’ve had some sort of genital surgery. It’s a dick any which way. He is a man. He has a penis.
    • The hole: There is no standard term for what a trans guy is probably gonna call the hole he’s got in front. I know guys using: Cunt, vagina, pussy, front hole, front door, boy hole, bonus hole, and so on. Personally, I like cunt, it’s gritty and abrasive and feels the most ‘masculine’ to me personally. That said, whatever term you use, try to be respectful in using it and understand that not all trans guys want sex to involve that body part.

  • TO REPEAT: DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT.

  • COMING OUT: Coming out as trans is usually scary. Coming out as trans can be dangerous.
    • Trans guys who pass, meaning they are perceived as men by people they meet, will at some point have to come out to romantic and/or sexual partner(s).
    • Usually these conversations will take place well before anything gets hot and heavy but sometimes things get a little carried out of hand and things need to pause so they can talk.
    • The last place most trans guys want to be when disclosing they’re trans is in the bedroom with someone’s hand down their pants as an “oh, by the way”. There have been many of cases of trans guys getting attacked in these situations if their partner freaks out over it. General rule? Don’t write your coming out scene as happening in the bedroom.

  • BODY BOUNDARIES: Trans people in general have a different relationship to their body from cis people by virtue of being trans. So since we’re focused on trans guys, let’s get into that.
    • Not all trans guys have sex the same way. Not all trans guys are okay with using some or all of the body parts they have during sex. We each have different body boundaries.
    • I know guys who won’t get shirtless, guys who won’t take off their binder, and guys who strip shirtless without worry. I know guys who don’t want their chest touched and guys who are really into receiving nipple play.
    • I know guys who love getting blowjobs and guys who don’t want a mouth down there.
    • I know guys who don’t want their cunt touched, guys who are okay with only fingers in there, and guys who are all about taking things in the front door.
    • I know guys who don’t want any penetrative sex, guys who don’t care where you put it, guys who only want it in the front, guys who don’t want anything in their ass, and guys who are fine as long as it’s only going in their ass.
    • I know guys who exclusively top, never bottom, and have gorgeous collections of strap-ons to fuck their partner(s). Yes, that’s right, trans men can top!
    • These are just some examples and there’s no standard. Every trans man will have different body boundaries that they need to discuss with their partner(s).

  • BODY CHANGES: The body changes a lot on testosterone. So let’s get into some of those changes.
    • CHEST: Chest fat does lessen on testosterone, but not usually by much. That said, they do become a lot more limp due to binding over the years. Binding makes breast tissue basically wilt, break down, and go floppy. If a trans guy binds, his chest fat will become more limp over time. Easier to compress flatter, but also deteriorates skin quality for future surgery.
    • BODY HAIR: Holy hairy nipples, batman! Trans guys often get chest hair, just like cis guys. I’ve never once seen a fic talk about a trans guy’s chest hair. Trans guys also get happy trails, facial hair, thicker hair on our legs and arms, etc, and generally develop average male body & facial hair patterns. 
    • DICK: This is one of the most noticeable changes on T, and also the fastest. Most guys begin to notice their dick starting to grow within a few weeks of starting T. Most grow to around 1″-2″ when erect. There are many cases of guys getting as much as 3″ but these should be considered outliers and not average. It’s the trans dude equivalent of a cis dude with a 10″ dick: possible but uncommon. Wait, erect? Yep! It gets erect. You can definitely see when a trans guy has a boner if you’re looking at his dick! You can also notice that it has a foreskin just like an uncut penis! The labia may also become more coarse and similar in texture to a cis guy’s balls.
    • FLUIDS: Not all trans guys get dry downstairs on T. Some do. But I know a lot of guys who’ve gotten a lot more wet since starting T. It happens a lot. It’s a 50/50 shot, really. Bodies are weird. There are some sloppy, messy, slick trans guys and some trans guys who have to use lube daily so they don’t chafe or even use an estrogen cream down there.
    • SMELL: On Testosterone, the smell of a trans guy’s junk changes. You get Man Musk within the first 6 months. Anyone who’s been near a cis guy’s dick knows what I mean by that: that really sharp, earthy dick smell.
    • TASTE: After about 6-8 months on testosterone, a trans guy’s fluids down there stop tasting like going down on a cis girl and they start tasting a hell of a lot more like a cis dude’s precum. It’s a hormone thing. So giving a trans dude who’s been on T for a while a blowjob is gonna smell & taste a lot more like blowing a guy with a really leaky dick than going down on a girl. Cause that’s exactly what’s going on. 
    • ORGASMS: Orgasms also change on testosterone. Guys who could previously get multiple orgasms pre-T often can’t once they start testosterone. But they do usually report them being stronger and more intense

  • HAVING SEX: Trans men definitely don’t have sex like cis women. Because they’re not cis women. They’re men. They’re just men with a slightly different tool set in their tool belt.
    • Like I said under Body Boundaries, we use our bodies to have sex in many varied ways. Blowjobs, handjobs, rimming, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, vaginal sex, anal sex, I could go on for ages.
    • If a trans guy is taking a cis dude’s dick in his cunt, it’s still gay sex, not straight sex, and needs to be treated as such.

  • SAFER SEX & PREGNANCY:
    • Trans guys can get STDs like any other guy and should use condoms accordingly. Trans guys having risky or unprotected sex with cis men may be prescribed PrEP, an HIV-prevention medication designed to lower the risk of contracting HIV. 
    • Speaking of STDs, people can get gonorrhoea & chlamydia in their ass or throat via anal & oral sex. This will not show on a standard pee test. There are special swabs for the ass and throat. Most doctors do not routinely perform these tests. They really should. But, back to the point.
    • Some people think trans men can’t get pregnant. This is a myth. Some men think trans men can’t be on birth control. This is a myth. These myths are dangerous.
    • Trans men who are having sex with cis men can get pregnant unless they’ve had a hysterectomy. The risk of pregnancy is decreased but not eliminated by T.
    • Trans men on T cannot get estrogen-based birth control but they can be on progesterone-only birth control. Most large trans-affirming health clinics will recommend this for trans men who have sex with cis men. Generally, this comes in two forms: a daily pill known as the ‘minipill’ or a 12-week injection known as the ‘depo shot’.

  • MEDICAL PROCEDURES: There are many routes trans guys can take in terms of medically transitioning.
    • For most trans people, the first step is hormone replacement therapy (HRT). For trans guys, this involves Testosterone therapy. Testosterone is usually administered via injection every 1, 2, or 12 weeks, depending on which kind, or via a daily cream/gel. 1 & 2 week shots are self-administered while 12-week shots are done by a professional. Trans guys who come out as kids or young teens may be prescribed hormone blockers to prevent or halt puberty until they can start T when they’re 15-18 (age varies with local laws & doctor’s discretion).
    • Another step for trans guys is usually top surgery. Guys with tiny chests (small B or less) can get periareolar (’peri’) or keyhole surgery. This leaves only a tiny scar around the nipple. Guys with larger chests usually get a double incision (’DI’) surgery which involves larger scars along the bottom of the pecs and nipple grafts or, less commonly, an Inverted-T or T-anchor surgery which involves the same scars under the pecs but an additional vertical scar from there to the nipple while eliminating the need for nipple grafts.
    • Trans guys usually get a total hysterectomy, removing the uterus, ovaries, cervix, and all the bits in between. A trans guy who has his ovaries removed must be on some form of hormone therapy (eg: testosterone) or else risks bone loss & osteoporosis.
    • Some trans guys may opt for genital surgery. These procedures and the reasons why some trans guys might or might not want one surgery or another is a whole complicated topic in itself. But if you’re curious, look into metoidioplasty (’meta/meto’) or phalloplasty (’phallo’). Tread carefully.

So, I’ll wrap this up with my most important point, again: If you are anything other than a trans guy (eg: if you are cis, nb, etc), DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SMUTTY, CALL IT A DICK.

And, as I said, anyone can feel free to message me if they have questions about writing trans guys having sex.

Tl;dr: Just be respectful and know your subject matter.

I was the “MY child will never walk around looking like that.” 

I was the “Her parents allow that?”

I was the “Don’t her parent’s care? Are they even in the picture?”

I was a lot of things. I was the purses clutched closer as I passed by. I was rude looks from an old man in aisle four of the local drug store. I was the target of pointing from adults with their right hands rather than their children, who’s hands they held in their left.  I was the “Mommy, I want blue hair like that girl when I’m older,” and the “I don’t think so, sweetie.” I was the “NOW HIRING” sign in the window, the “May I please see an application,” the overlook, and the “We’re not hiring” paired with a shake of the head. I was the “You were so pretty before you had that ring in your mouth,”and I still am the “We were friends like, two years ago. She’s just different now.”

I am the “We’d like to place your daughter in Chemistry, and advance her a year in math.” I am the 103 points on my World History Test. I am going to be the two AP classes my junior year, and I am the girl who helped an old woman gather her mail last week when she dropped it. I am the person who gave $20 to a homeless person in Atlanta, instead of spending it on another sweater I didn’t need. I am a granddaughter, a daughter, and a big sister.

My point is not what I am, what I was, what I could’ve been, and what I’m going to be. My point is that not only are my parents in the picture, but they are the ones who painted it. That this picture is not only as colorful as my appearance, but as my personality because the world is not black and white, and neither am I nor will I be. My point is that if you internally ask yourself if my parents allow me walk around like “that,” and by “that,” you mean with hair as colorful as your son or daughters imagination and perception of differences within the world, which you’re corrupting with your stereotypes of people who choose to alter their appearances, with confidence, and with happiness, then yes, my parents do allow me to walk around like that. My point is that you should not be the person who tells a child they can be anything: an astronaut, a superhero, a doctor, a fashion designer, an artist— just not with a body they’ve treated as their canvas. My point is not that we should all tell our children to dye their hair to look like rainbows, put holes and metal in their bodies, and cover their skin in art, but that people should do what they love not only in life but with their bodies, and love both what they do and create. My point is that sometimes pulling your child to the opposite side of you when someone with pink hair and a ring in their nose walks by says more to that child than telling them that people are different, and that that is okay. My point is that actions speak louder than words, and that with both our actions and our words, some of us are teaching the children of tomorrow to go backwards on a one way street that’s struggling to direct society forward. My point is that a human being is not their appearance. My point is the same point the world has been trying to make for years through speeches that people have been giving through microphones that were unplugged by society a long time ago. My point is a point I will stop having to prove if we teach our children that different is beautiful. That tomorrow needs to be beautiful, and that tomorrow needs to be different. Rather than that we as a whole need to work on only improving today, because before you know it, tomorrow is ten years from now, and people are still screaming into the same unplugged microphones they were losing their voices screaming into yesterday.

—  This Is About More Than The Color Of My Hair. (via. revises)

kwolfsbane-deactivated20150502  asked:

If a fellow medical student is homophobic, racist, or show characteristics that physicians shouldn't have, do I have the right to go to the school and voice my concerns?

Hmm, yes, but carefully.

First off, no one is perfect. Everyone is growing at a different pace. And there are LOTS of things that we do or say in private that we wouldn’t do or say in public. That may not show excellent character on our part, but it’s true.

I understand what you’re asking and I know it comes from a good place, but remember that we all have characteristics at one time or another that maybe a doctor “shouldn’t have”. Maybe you drink too much at parties. Maybe he smokes pot on his back porch. Maybe she becomes a reckless driver when she listens to Rush Limbaugh on the radio. But it’s a dangerous place when we designate ourselves as the doctor morality police. 

Doctors have private lives too, and the general public likes to hold us to a higher standard in our private lives than they do for themselves. I feel like politicians and preachers get treated this way too, as if because they hold positions of authority they are somehow supposed to live stainless lives.

All that is to say that people are also allowed to have their own opinions, political leanings, and religious beliefs, even if they don’t line up with what you think is right. For example, a person (yes, even a doctor) can be opposed to gay marriage or homosexuality on the whole. But if it doesn’t affect their treatment of their coworkers or patients, you gotta leave it alone (in an official sense, though you can discuss these views with them privately). Now if a doc pays their black nurses less than their white ones or gives a patient substandard care because he’s gay or Pakistani or a democrat or whatever, that’s unacceptable and should be addressed.  

So if you see a colleague being discriminatory toward a patient or a coworker, especially in a work environment, that should be reported to their superior. That’s unprofessional. There are codes of ethics and professionalism for medical schools and hospitals and sometimes state medical boards, and if you see a doctor breach those, it’s definitely appropriate to report it. Though you will find that in a lot of cases, they won’t see any more justice than a slap on the wrist, at least the first time.

But if they are privately a jerk (say they make off color jokes at dinner when they’ve had one too many), well, even though it’s not right, I’m not sure it’s actionable by their school or employer. That’s when it’s time for you, as a friend, to gently correct them.

MERS Update: June 4

And I’m back with a daily update post on what’s going on with MERS in South Korea as of June 4. If I get anything new after this post, I’ll just add it in a re-blog.

A doctor specializing in infectious diseases said today that MERS can be controlled through quarantine, and it shouldn’t be difficult for Korea to keep things under control now that quarantine efforts have been stepped up. So now that authorities have increased the circle of those isolated, the spread of MERS should slow down. He added that MERS is not airborne and can only be contracted through direct contact with an infected patient or medical staff who have treated infected patients. A simple measure to stop slow the spread is to isolate infected patients, people who are suspected of having MERS, and people who came in contact with MERS patients. Which is what is currently going on. (And should have been all along, if you ask me. >.<)

Everyone who has been confirmed with the virus up to this point is now at hospitals designated by the state specifically to treat MERS patients in isolation from other patients.

So, if you have not come in contact with someone who is infected with MERS or a doctor or nurse who just recently treated someone with MERS, you will not get MERS. Everyone with it is now in quarantine, and they are continuing to put more in quarantine just in case. There are likely to be more confirmed cases, however it will probably come from people who are already quarantined, which means it’s limited how far they may have spread it outside quarantine. Also, while the number of those quarantined is going up, there are also a lot of people who are being released because they tested negative and have shown no symptoms for at least 14 days.

Also, doctors said the virus poses no risk to people who are healthy because their immune systems are strong enough to fight it off. If you are healthy and do not have a weakened or compromised immune system, you do not have to worry about MERS.

There are currently 35 confirmed cases of MERS. Two of the five new cases announced today are medical staff who were treating patients. So far, only two patients have died – the two reported last week in Suwon. There are over 1,300 currently in quarantine. These are all people who came in contact with someone who has been diagnosed with MERS, as there have been about four cases of tertiary transmission.

Last night it was reported that a Korean Air Force officer in Osan was suspected of having MERS after it was discovered he had been in a hospital that received MERS patients while recovering from a fracture. He and 80 other soldiers are now in quarantine at military hospitals while awaiting the CDC to confirm whether they are infected or not. The U.S. Air Force base in Osan is now also taking its own measure to prevent an outbreak and has set up procedures for its on-base hospital in case anyone should become infected. 

As of now, it looks like things are finally starting to get under control now that the quarantine measures have been stepped up. The outbreak is not as scary as some have made it out to be. If you are healthy and have been no where near a person who is infected with MERS or a hospital that treated MERS patients, you are fine and the possibility of you contracting MERS is very, very slim.

Also, those who died already had serious pre-existing medical conditions. Most patients seem to be fighting it off normally like any other flu or cold virus, for the most part.

My last word is a warning to be careful about what information you share on the internet specifically about MERS in South Korea that has come from social media. The NPA arrested two men today for spreading “false rumors” on social media about MERS as they said it stoked unnecessary panic. The men basically named two hospitals in Seoul and Busan that had had MERS infections, saying one shut down their ICU. Turns out those hospitals had not had any MERS patients after all. So, just be careful with unverified reports coming from anywhere. The NPA is working with health ministry officials and still investigating false claims and reports going around on social media.