if people don't find this funny then they must be dead

Studio Ghibli & Mr. Miyazaki starters

- suggested by Anonymous and pulled from various films/sources

  • “You cannot alter your fate. However, you can rise to meet it”
  • “A heart’s a heavy burden”
  • “I’ve got something I want to protect - it’s you”
  • “I think we ought to live happily ever after”
  • “Once you’ve met someone, you never really forget them. It just takes a while for your memories to return”
  • “It will protect you. It’s made from the threads your friends wove together”
  • “Nothing that happens is ever forgotten, even if you can’t remember it”
  • “We need to find our own inspiration. Sometimes, it’s not easy”
  • “I make friends, then suddenly I can’t bear to be with any of them”
  • “Here’s another curse: may all your bacon burn!”

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Shadowhunters Sentence Starters
  • “How could someone as smart and perceptive as you not realize the person sitting right there is in love with you?”
  • “I'm turning 18. It's not like I'm heading on some epic journey.”
  • "Remember your fake ID sucks!"
  • “I'm miraculously healed and all you stunning people have magical powers?”
  • “It's a shame, really, denying them all this.”
  • “Why are you naked in an abandoned church?”
  • “Is there a meth problem we need to talk about?”
  • “What's a G.I. Joe?”
  • “Are you kidding? I was born afraid,....which sounded a lot better in my head.”
  • “For someone so old, you're not too wise, are you?”
  • "I've seen every horror movie ever made, and the funny best friend who gets left behind? Dead man."
  • "You're not that funny."
  • "____ is kind of nerd hot."
  • "Your family always welcomed strays."
  • "I don't need a spokesman. I need a plan."
  • "Are you that desperate to get laid that you'd risk killing us?"
  • "The living are so exhausting."
  • "Vampires have pay grades?"
  • "No human bond compares to what ____ and I have."
  • "What was in your coffee?"
  • "You know you'd be a lot happier if you weren't so fricken repressed."
  • "I couldn't live without you, _____. You're all I have left."
  • "They'll just turn into a bunch of fried eggs out here."
  • "I know you can color outside the lines. You're just not letting yourself think that way."
  • "Well, that was a window to the weird."
  • "Life is not what you want to do; it's about what must be done."
  • "Emotions are nothing but a distraction. You're ruled by them."
  • "There's nothing to be ashamed of ____."
  • "Does he normally lay like that without moving?"
  • "With a body like yours, everything's your color."
  • "Someone's looking badass."
  • "You don't get to talk to me, Captain America."
  • "Considering I'm the one with the weapons, I can say what I want."
  • "You have an interesting effect on people."
  • "You're like a yippy dog nipping at ____'s heels."
  • "Never trust a people who can't lie. They find much more inventive ways to stab you in the back."
  • "Playing hard to get? I love a challenge."
  • "I haven't taken my eyes off her."
  • "If I listened to my heart, I'd never be able to do my job."
  • "The only thing worth falling in love with is the word itself."
  • "I was raised a good Catholic."
  • "Honey, you look like you're dying."
  • "I'm dying to get out of this conversation."
  • "Your friends have the habit of turning up dead. I can't even imagine what your Facebook page looks like."
  • "It would be like Beyonce riding on a dinosaur in the middle of Times Square. People would notice."
  • "Passion makes you dangerous."
  • "Maybe that's supposed to mean something, but you're still you, and I'm still me. Sort of. Enough, anyway."
  • "Well, I don't want to bite you anymore."
  • "Maybe what I did was wrong and selfish, but my heart was breaking."
  • "Even starvation can't shut you up."
  • "You wanted to sweep history under the rug."
  • "I'm nothing more than a monster."
  • "I'll take care of _____ you have my word."
  • "It's love that makes you fight harder for what you want."
  • "Remind me why we couldn't do this at my place? At least there we could have had cocktails."
  • "Emotions are never black and white. They're more like symptoms."
  • "I didn't betray you, ____. I saved you from yourself."
  • "What kind of people sacrifice justice for law?"
  • "Maybe that's my destiny, to bring your family and mine together."
  • "People said I was mad. So I owned it."
  • "Visionaries are quirky crazy."
  • "If anyone catches us, we're dead."
  • "Right now, I just really need my mom."
  • "Whatever you do, don't lose hope."
  • "You're immortal. Time is on your side."
  • "I don't know who I am anymore. There's darkness in me. It's always been there."
  • "I came with you to escape my relationship drama, not get a front row seat to yours."
  • "You never cease to amaze me."
  • "Don't misread this as friendship."
  • "Rumour has it you're looking to settle down- get married."
  • "It's like my whole life has been a lie. Everything i have ever known..."
  • "Your bedside manner is abysmal."
  • "Is he always so charming?"
  • "I will never stop needing you."
  • "I'm glad you brought everybody here to witness your demise."
  • "Does this mean I'm not one of you?"
  • "I swear if that kid ruins one more jacket."
  • "Baby's first words."
  • "Yeah, this place isn't creepy. Not at all."
  • Tobias: So it is down to you, and it is down to me.
  • [Gumball (disguised) moves closer]
  • Tobias: [holding a knife to Penny’s throat] If you wish her dead, by all means, keep moving forward.
  • Gumball: Let me explain--
  • Tobias: There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen.
  • Gumball: Perhaps an arrangement can be reached?
  • Tobias: There will be no arrangement, [holding the knife closer] and you're killing her.
  • Gumball: But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.
  • Tobias: I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
  • Gumball: You're that smart?
  • Tobias: Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
  • Gumball: Yes.
  • Tobias: Morons.
  • Gumball: Really. [pause] In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.
  • Tobias: For the princess?
  • [Gumball nods]
  • Tobias: To the death?
  • [Gumball nods]
  • Tobias: I accept.
  • Gumball: Good. Then pour the wine.
  • [As Tobias pours the wine, Gumball pulls out a small vial, and uncorks it]
  • Gumball: Inhale this, but do not touch.
  • Tobias: [sniffing the vial] I smell nothing.
  • Gumball: What you do not smell is called Iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadly poisons known to man.
  • Tobias: Hmm.
  • [Gumball turns away from Tobias with the goblets, and pours the poison in. Goblets replaced on the table, one in front of each.]
  • Gumball: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right...and who is dead.
  • Tobias: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
  • Gumball: You've made your decision then?
  • Tobias: Not remotely. Because Iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
  • Gumball: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
  • Tobias: WAIT TILL I GET GOING! Where was I?
  • Gumball: Australia.
  • Tobias: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
  • Gumball: You're just stalling now.
  • Tobias: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
  • Gumball: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
  • Tobias: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!
  • Gumball: Then make your choice.
  • Tobias: I will, and I choose— [pointing behind Gumball] What in the world can that be?
  • Gumball: [looking behind him] What? Where?
  • [Tobias switches the cups]
  • Gumball: I don't see anything.
  • Tobias: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [starts chuckling]
  • Gumball: What's so funny?
  • Tobias: I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.
  • [they both drink]
  • Gumball: You guessed wrong.
  • Tobias: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!! [starts laughing and then falls dead]
  • [Gumball starts untying Penny]
  • Penny: Who are you?
  • Gumball: I'm no one to be trifled with. That is all you ever need know.
  • Penny: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
  • Gumball: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to Iocane powder.
Undertale - Starter Sentences
  • SPOILER WARNINGS AHEAD! Please proceed with caution. As always, feel free to change any pronouns/words to your liking.
  • "You're new here, aren'tcha?"
  • "Golly, you must be so confused."
  • "Hey buddy, you missed some."
  • "Is this a joke? Are you braindead?"
  • "You just wanted to see me suffer."
  • "Ah, do not be afraid, my child."
  • "Welcome to your new home."
  • "Here, take my hand for a moment."
  • "I should not have left you alone for so long."
  • "Surprise! It is a butterscotch-cinnamon pie."
  • "I want you to have a nice time living here."
  • "I have seen it time and time again. They come. They leave. They die."
  • "I am only protecting you, do you understand?"
  • "Hmph. You are just like the others."
  • "Attack or run away!"
  • "I know you want to go home, but..."
  • "I promise I will take good care of you here. I know we do not have much, but... We can have a good life here."
  • "My expectations... My loneliness... My fear... For you, I will put them aside."
  • "Do not worry about me. Someone has to take care of these flowers."
  • "Quick, behind that conveniently-shaped lamp."
  • "I will bathe in a shower of kisses every morning."
  • "Hmm... Maybe this lamp will help you."
  • "He's playing poker by himself. He appears to be losing."
  • "I can't be your friend!"
  • "I guess this means I have to go out on a date with you?"
  • "All that pressure to succeed... Really got to her..."
  • "You know what would be more valuable to everyone? If you were dead."
  • "You think I'm gonna be friends with you, huh?"
  • "We're gonna be best friends!!"
  • "Envision these vegetables as your greatest enemy! Now!! Pound them to dust with your fists!!"
  • "Uh, you know, like a robotic TV star or something."
  • "Now he's an unstoppable killing machine with a thirst for human blood?"
  • "Yes, she scrawls her name in the margins of the notes. She names programming variables after her. She even writes stories of them together, sharing a domestic life. Probability of crush -- 101%."
  • "Yeah, you gotta save your money for college and spiders."
  • "D-Dude... I can't... I can't take this anymore! Not like this!! Like, [NAME]! I like... I like, LIKE you, bro!"
  • "I found a gun in the dumpster!"
  • "He's like, my robot husband. He just doesn't know it yet."
  • "You've still got time. Don't live like me. I'm 19-years old, and I've already wasted my entire life."
  • "Never interact with attractive people."
  • "Why do people find him so attractive? He's literally just a freaking rectangle."
  • "Future? What future? I'll probably be trapped at this stupid job forever."
  • "This was all just a big show. An act. [NAME] has been playing you for the fool the whole time."
  • "All so you would think she's the great person that she's not."
  • "Nice day today, huh? Birds are singing, flowers are blooming..."
  • "We could be like... Like a family..."
  • "You really are an idiot."
  • "Killing me is the only way to end this."
  • "If you let me live... I'll come back. I'll kill you. I'll kill everyone you love."
  • "Don't you realize that being nice... just makes you get hurt?"
  • "Let's go to the garbage dump!!"
  • "She's so confident... And strong... And funny..."
  • "I'm just a nobody. A fraud. All I've ever done is hurt people. I've told her so many lies, she thinks I'm... She thinks I'm a lot cooler than I actually am."
  • "If she gets close to me, she'll... She'll find out the truth about me. ... What should I do?"
  • "Let's roleplay it."
  • "I kiss her back... S...softly... I... l-look gently into her eyes... I START HOLLERING!! [NAME]!!! I LOVE YOU!!! [NAME]!!! KISS ME AGAIN, [NAME]!!!"
  • "...WHAT did you just say?"
  • "You don't have to lie to me. I don't want you to have to lie to anyone anymore."
  • "[NAME]... I want to help you become happy with who you are."
  • "Anime is real, RIGHT?!"
  • "[NAME] and I finished our training early. Very early. So I sent her home. Very home."
  • "Is that your ex? Gee, that's rough, buddy."
  • "OH MY GOD. Will you two just smooch already?!"
  • "It's all your fault. It's all because you made them love you."
  • "Your life will end here, where no one remembers you..."
  • "No! I don't need anyone!"
  • "[NAME]... Do you know why I keep doing this? Why I keep fighting to have you around?"
  • "I'm doing this... because you're special. You're the only one that understands me."
  • "I care about you, [NAME]. I care about you more than anyone else in the world."
  • "I'm not ready for this to end. I'm not ready to say goodbye to someone like you again."
  • "I'm so alone... I'm so afraid... [NAME], I... I... I'm so sorry."
  • "I always was a crybaby, wasn't I?"
  • "I wish I could tell you how everyone feels about you."
  • "I understand if you can't forgive me. I understand if you hate me. I acted so horrible. I hurt you. I hurt so many people. There's no excuse for what I've done."
  • "Maybe... The truth is... [NAME] wasn't really the greatest person."
  • "You're the type of friend I wish I always had."
  • "Take a deep breath. There's nothing left to worry about."

anonymous asked:

Don't know if you are taking requests at this point, but if you are, I saw your Loki one(bayonetta) and loved it and I can't find anyone else who posts them. Can I get another one or maybe a continuation? I not that's ok, just really want to see some more people acknowledging his awesomeness

I can’t find anyone who posts them either and it hurts my heart

Everyone needs more smol Loki in my opinion, and not the Asgardian one (though he cute too). Unfortunately I don’t really do part two’s for things unless I’m really really inclined to :1 But I can def write another one, so here’s some short fluff

And I’m always taking requests hon


“I have a feeling you’re keeping something from me.”

Loki froze.

“Keeping something?” He repeated, trying to be casual, but you could already detect that raise in his pitch when he was nervous. Dead giveaway.

“Yeah,” You drawled, crossing one leg over the other in the chair as you stared him in the eye. “Care to explain?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, love,” He regained his confidence after the slight blunder, lips parting to give his signature smirk. His blue, jeweled eyes stared at you from under the darkness of the hood, and an eyebrow rose, as if daring you to challenge him.

Oho?

“Okay then,” You gave in just like that. He seemed surprised at your surrender but you didn’t give him time to think, instead calling the waiter with a gesture of your hand.

The waiter came over, a polite smile on his face. “Yes, miss? Would you like to order something?”

“Yes,” You smiled. “Just a water for now. And one for my friend as well.”

“Your friend?” The waiter tilted his head in confusion. “Will they be coming soon?”

Your eyes slid over to Loki, letting your lips turn up into a smug smile when he panicked, clearing his throat.

You watched as he looked at the waiter in a purposeful manner. The waiter blinked, then again, and suddenly he was looking at Loki like he hadn’t seen him before.

“Oh! Sorry I didn’t see you there?” He was very confused but shook his head, seeming to let it go. “Anyhow, I will be back in a minute.”

You crossed your arms this time as the waiter left. “You were saying?”

Loki bit his lip, chuckling nervously. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Loki,” You rolled your eyes. “I’m not an idiot. It took me a while to realize it, but people don’t see you unless you want them to. Also, that ‘tattoo’ in the middle of your forehead does this weird glowing thing that I’m sure wasn’t in the ink package.”

You pursed your lips. “Plus when we first met, you literally saved my life from that speeding car. I really don’t believe you had been ‘in the right place’. So what’s the deal?”

You’d known the boy for a good while now. He’d aforementioned, saved your life, and you’d been hanging out with him ever since. He claimed to live nearby but you’d never ever been to his home, and he would pop up out of nowhere to spend time with you. After watching his suspicious behaviour for what seemed to be forever, you decided to act on it.

Loki sighed, puffing out his cheeks in a decisively childish manner before letting the air out. “You are too smart for your own good, love.”

“Thanks,” You smiled innocently.

He placed his chin on his palm, staring into space while the restaurant buzzed around the two of you. “Its my fault.”

“What?”

“I got too attached to you. I should have left earlier.”

“You’re not making sense, Loki.”

“If I told you, you might not believe me.”

“Try me.”

He made eye contact with you. “I’m actually part of a god of chaos in human form that just recently helped save the world.”

There was silence before you rolled your eyes again. “Haha. Real funny. Now if you weren’t going to trust me you could have just said so.”

Loki popped a lollipop into his mouth, tufts of his silver hair peeking out from underneath his hood and accentuating his chocolate skin as he twisted the sweet around his tongue casually. “Told you.”

You waited for him to continue but when he didn’t you grew uncomfortable. “You don’t actually expect me to believe that? Do you Loki?”

“Aesir, technically,” he mused, before a cloud passed over his face darkly. “Scratch that, it’s Loki. Hmm, could be both. Who knows?”

You stared at him.

“Take a picture, love,” He said bluntly, pulling the candy out of his mouth with a soft ‘pop’ and pointing it at you. “Might last longer.”

You flushed angrily and he only shrugged at you, looking up at the ceiling as the waiter returned to place two glasses of water on the table.

He looked around, frowning. “Did your friend leave, miss?”

You weren’t paying attention, instead focused on Loki, who was now absentmindedly cutting into the rim of his glass with one of the cards he always carried around.

He was cutting the glass.

With a card.

You could only gawk, ignoring Loki’s mischievous and laid-back smile.

“He’s in the bathroom,” You mumbled, looking right at your friend - your friend who you were very attracted to - and wondering if you were sane.

When the waiter left again you bent over the table, excitement and a quiver of fear in your eyes as you stared at him expectantly.

“Tell me everything.”

Loki played with the card in his hand, rolling it over and between his fingers before closing it in his palm. When he opened his hand again the card had vanished.

He smiled.

“Betta’ prepare yourself then, love.”

[MasterList]

FMA AU Week, Day 7

Late posting of Day 3′s theme “AU where everything is the same but…”

…Dolcetto lives. Inspired by @strawbebehmod ‘s Guard Dog AU. I really didn’t know how to end this, and I think that shows. But I hope y’all enjoy! If liked it or have some critique, lemme know!

Warnings: off-screen deaths, blood mentions…and Greed says “pissant”, which I’m not entirely sure if it could be considered a bad word or not.


The funny thing was, Dolcetto hadn’t even been his real name. He had taken a new name after the transmutation, when he and the others were freed from the labs by Greed. As far as he knew, all of them had. (Some wanted to separate themselves from the lives they’d had before; some had forgotten their old names, anyway.)

Greed was indirectly to blame. He’d brought the rag-tag gaggle of chimeras into the building where they had set up camp before the Devil’s Nest, and while they all stood around uncertainly, he had jumped up to stand on a table.

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BBC Robin Hood Series II Starters
  • This is an ambush!
  • You don't say.
  • There's poor people going hungry.
  • So what's it gonna be?!
  • Speaking of our lady-leper-friends, time to go and get the pretty one... and her daddy.
  • If they resist, shall I use force?
  • Get up to speed - use force anyway
  • I have a feeling we're not to welcome in the corridors of power at the moment.
  • Come and join my gang.
  • That kiss spoke volumes.
  • Really? That's not what I heard.
  • That's not fair!
  • You just don't get it, do you?
  • You are not weak!
  • Anyway it doesn`t matter to you.
  • You've always been weak
  • Why don't you just jigger off!
  • Ah, the sanctimonious old fart... and her father!
  • I gather you've been careless with your wood fire
  • You know full well that is not the case.
  • We both know that's not true, don't we?
  • Who cares... what you believe in? Hm?
  • I have a plan, and I will not tolerate dissent.
  • So, you are under house arrest, here in the castle, until I can find some use for you.
  • You think you can humiliate a man at the altar? A man like me and get away with it? You're wrong.
  • Who is the Nightwatchman?
  • I'll make sure to kiss him when I see him for stealing from you.
  • That's your real problem isn't it, you need people to love you.
  • What's he doing? Why isn't he running away?
  • There must be a cure, medicine, yes?
  • I'm not strong. I was being you...so you'd notice me...so you'd love me.
  • I love you. I've always loved you.
  • I want him dead. Whatever it takes, I want him dead.
  • It's too dangerous!
  • No! For once, just listen to me!
  • See you on the dark side. Shoot him!
  • Am I to drown in everybody else's incompetence?
  • Stupid too, so you and he should get on.
  • He also has a weakness for gambling.
  • I've taken my bath six months early for a reason!
  • This world is full of idiots, waiting to be parted from their money. But as you know... the house always wins!
  • I don't trust you.
  • If it were me, I would slap your fickle face.
  • Say goodbye.
  • Let him live.
  • He's a noble and a good man. He must be worth more to you than a sack of rocks!
  • I will kill this man.
  • You will be punished for this. Be in no doubt...you'll be punished.
  • You saved my life. I'm grateful.
  • I could not watch you die and do nothing.
  • What have you got for me?
  • So what's your proposal?
  • Someone's impersonating me.
  • YOU... WEASEL-FACED... WHORE'S SON!!!
  • And the funny thing is...you might be telling the truth.
  • And how am I supposed to believe you any more?
  • Don't kill me. Please.
  • Find me somebody to hang! I want to see somebody TWITCH!
  • At least do me the courtesy of knocking.
  • Get your possessions, you're leaving.
  • WHY DO YOU ALWAYS RESIST ME, I'M ATTEMPTING TO HELP YOU?!
  • I have nobody.
  • Humanity is weakness!
  • Oh gag her, for God's sake. She's pretty until she speaks.
  • Little Robin redbreast is about to become fried chicken!
  • I'm surprised you gave in to his demands!
  • If I wanted a wife, I'd have found one with better legs!
  • I'm not coming back, get over it... and for God's sake, change your clothes once in a while
  • She's not coming back. Move on
  • I assure you I haven't given myself to anybody -- yet.
  • I will always believe that there is a chance for you and me.
  • I need to think.
  • Stop thinking. Come home to me!
  • You burned my home to the ground!
  • If I could take that back -- if I could show you the side of me that wants to build a home, not burn it down...
  • I thought I might never see you again.
  • Don't kill anyone unless you have to.
  • Yeah, what's your point?
  • I am the man with a plan
  • If I'm going to die, I'm going to die by your side.
  • Let's find out who you really are!
  • You... don't... speak to me!
  • Why is nothing ever SIMPLE?!
  • You're safe
  • You saved my life.
  • You underestimate me.
  • I have demonstrated my loyalty. Now I would like your blessing.
  • I'll sing at your wedding.
  • Your heart... must be the coldest place on Earth.
  • YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!!! DO YOU THINK I'M GONNA LET THAT PASS?!?!
  • You'll have to kill me first.
  • No. We're going to get out of this. I'll do this thing. Then I will have power beyond belief. And we will be together.
  • I would rather die, than be with you
Don't Be Sorry, Be Careful.

Originally posted by gobblepotfans

REQUEST: Hey guurl, can you do an Imagine about Jerome Valeska? How about: Y/N walking at the same night where Jerome’s is back in da hood, in the streets of gotham. She plops against Jerome and yeah i’m not creative and my english is not the best. It’s shouldn’t be a fcking love imagine or something, just a Imagine with the crazy Joker, maybe you have an idea. Xx

FANDOM: Jerome Valeska [Gotham]

AUTHOR: MK (purityimagines)

TAGS: Gotham season 2 finale, spoilers, swearing, joker


I made several attempts to contact the GCPD, letting them know that the missing bus they were supposedly searching for was lying in front of me, tossing and crushed against a small car. The wheels at the back were still rolling so I’m assuming I was not too late to witness this. 

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Moulin Rouge sentence meme
  • "Diamonds are a girl's best friend."
  • "Never fall in love with a woman who sells herself."
  • "You don't have to lie to me."
  • "He/she wasn't trying to trick her/him."
  • "A love that will last forever."
  • "It's not that I'm not a jealous man/woman. I just don't like other people touching my things."
  • "I couldn't go through with it!"
  • "Honestly this is impossible!"
  • "Nothing funny, I just like talent."
  • "Virgin?"
  • "Leave all this to yesterday."
  • "I'm sorry, _____, I'm dying."
  • "Outside may be tragic."
  • "... a little frog."
  • "It'll mean that we love one another."
  • "Life's an awful bore."
  • "In here it's entertaining."
  • "Tell me the truth."
  • "It's quite long."
  • "This one's for you."
  • "A little supper? Maybe some champagne?"
  • "No!"
  • "We have to end it."
  • "It's nothing."
  • "They're trying to kill you!"
  • "The cat's out of the bag."
  • "I'm sure I will."
  • "When will I begin to live again?"
  • "I couldn't pretend anymore!"
  • "But I prefer a man/woman who lives... and gives expensive... jewels."
  • "You'll have fun."
  • "The greatest lesson you'll ever learn is to love and to be loved in return."
  • "Love is like oxygen!"
  • "A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay rental."
  • "Everyone go back to work."
  • "Outside it may be raining."
  • "He/she will fight for me."
  • "I hope you don't mind."
  • "Is this okay?"
  • "Tell our story."
  • "The ending's silly."
  • "He's got a huge... talent."
  • "This is my home."
  • "Generally I like it."
  • "Men grow cold as women grow old."
  • "In here we feel like magic."
  • "I was a fool to believe."
  • "How wonderful life is now that you're in the world."
  • "I don't like this ending."
  • "She's confessing!"
  • "I prefer to do it standing."
  • "You can tell everyone that this is your song."
  • "Is this what you want?"
  • "No!"
  • "That way I'll always be with you."
  • "Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?"
  • "I didn't want to lie!"
  • "He/she knows!"
  • "I'm cold."
  • "Things aren't always as they seem."
  • "Things are exactly as they seem."
  • "Very well."
  • "You might enjoy it."
  • "See the difference between you and I is that you can leave anytime you choose."
  • "You're going to be bad for business."
  • "We'll leave tonight."
  • "I'd rather, um, just get it done and over."
  • "I don't have much money."
  • "Love lifts us where we belong."
  • "Never knew I could feel like this."
  • "When love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust."
  • "You're a beautiful man/woman."
  • "I forgot my line."
  • "The woman/man I loved is... dead."
  • "Come down here and get it done and over with."
  • "You know it is."
  • "I love sex."
  • "You know, touched for the first time."
  • "Hold me."
  • "Without trust, there can be no love."
  • "Hurt him/her to save him/her."
  • "I can tell."
  • "You're a great actress."
  • "It always ends bad!"
  • "Being on the street, that's terrible."
  • "I know it isn't much."
  • "We can't afford to love."
  • "The show must go on."
  • "Why does my heart cry?"
  • "The truth?"
  • "Use your talent to save him/her!"
  • "Make him/her believe you don't love him/her."
  • "I don't need you anymore!"
  • "I owe you nothing."
  • "He/she loves me!"
  • "And that's worth everything."
  • "You've got to carry on without me."
  • "Ah, poetry."
  • "You're free to leave me but just don't deceive me."
  • "Come what may I will love you until my dying day."
  • "Jealousy, yes jealousy will drive you mad!"
  • "I've come to pay my bill."
  • "It's not important."
  • "My gift is my song."
  • "Love is a splendord thing!"
  • "All you need is love."
  • "A girl's got to eat."
  • "The only way of loving me baby is to pay a lovely fee."
  • "Come and get me, boys."
  • "I can't carry on without you."
  • "I've paid my whore."
  • "Forgive everything."
  • "The French are glad to die for love."
  • "Don't stop, don't stop."
  • "I saw you together!"
  • "Please believe me when I say I love you."
  • "The spectacular spectacular."
  • "You are nothing to me."
  • "You don't have to wear that dress tonight."
  • "Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love."
  • "Only you can save him/her."
  • "That's real love."
  • "Because she/he doesn't love you!"
  • "All my life you made believe I was only worth what someone would pay for me!"
  • "We're going away from you."
  • "What's his/her type?"
  • "Dont worry, Shakespeare."
  • "I was sick."
  • "We'll work on it tomorrow."
  • "You'll get your ending."
  • "And in the end should someone die?"
  • "We'll make them laugh, we'll make them cry."
  • "Where were you last night?"
  • "So delighting."
  • "I told you."
  • "Everyone knows."
  • "It's a bit funny, this feeling inside."
  • "You're dying."
  • "The doctor told us."
  • "You don't have to sell your body to the night."
  • "It's just an infatuation."
  • "The infatuation will end."
  • "It's more than I can stand."
  • "It all ends tonight."
  • "He/she is spending a fortune on you."
  • "Tell him/her it's over."
  • "I can't fall in love with anyone."
  • "But, my dear, I've arranged a lovely supper for us."
  • "A life without love... that's terrible."
  • "What?"
  • "This is what I want."
  • "Naughty words."
  • "I know of art and love."
  • "I long for it with every fiber of my being."
  • "It's a city of sin."
  • "There is no other way."
  • "We are creatures of the underworld."
  • "Oh no."
  • "I'm in love."
  • "A kingdom of nighttime pleasures."
  • "She/he sold her/his love."
  • "I can't believe it."
  • "Love is just a game."
  • "I was made for loving you, baby."
  • "You were made for loving me."
  • "One day I'll fly away."
  • "She/he is mine."
  • "Everything's going so well."
  • "You expect me to believe that?"
  • "Everyday I'm loving you more and more."
  • "We have each other."
  • "Today's the day when dreaming ends."
  • "I'm paid to make men/women believe what they want to believe."
  • "I don't care."
  • "You'll die with wonderment!"
  • "You have so much to give."
  • "I love you."
  • "The end."

aitmo  asked:

hi :3 do you have an bbc Sherlock recommendations? if you don't then what about some general Holmes fic?

(Have an old rec list from LJ! It’s about time I moved things over anyway. That said, I don’t read in the Sherlock fandom a lot anymore, so these are all fairly old. Hopefully there’s something new to you. ^-^)

Title: 26 Pieces by Lanning
Rating: NC-17
Author’s Summary: Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn’t simple.
Notes: This story is chilling, haunting, and manages to be both an incredibly in-depth character study at the same time as it’s a thrilling case-fic. The mutual adoration between John and Sherlock is so real and clear, as are the lengths they’ll go for one another, and they are absolutely in character throughout the whole thing. I worship this story to an unhealthy degree.

Title: A Strange Fear by sirona_gs
Rating: NC-17
Author’s Summary: Sherlock speaks without thinking, and it really hits home for John.
Notes: This story aches. I’ve been in John’s shoes, loving someone who by all rights should never love me back, so this hits right at all of my insecurities and tears me into little pieces, then stitches me back together with a sweet, happy ending.

Title: A Study in Intimacy by doodle_writes
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Summary: People don’t touch Sherlock Holmes, not like they touch other people. Then he meets John Watson.
Notes: Sweet, poignant, and adorable. I love this story for its Sherlock-voice. Moffat once said in an interview that “Sherlock adores John,” and with pieces like this you can really feel it. (And, well, mistletoe fics are always lovely regardless of the season.)

Title: All That I Have by the_arc5
Rating: R
Author’s Summary: In the aftermath of the Great Game, Sherlock finds himself with a new weakness. John is both the cause and the cure.
Notes: Beautiful, touching, and so very real—this is the aftermath of TGG that I wanted to see on the show. And the writing is just beyond compare. Perfect.

Title: Aloha, Dr. Watson by ariadnes_string
Rating: PG
Author’s Summary: At least one of them was calm as fuck.
Notes: I adore crossovers, and this is a great one, mixing pre-canon Sherlock and pre-canon Hawaii 5-0. John is an awesome BAMF doctor, and Steve is so very amusing in his observations. The sequel is equally wonderful, so make sure to catch that one, too, if it’s your kind of thing.

Title: An Ordinary Pocket Watch by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Rating: G
Author’s Summary: Most people tend to assume that John Watson is unremarkable and ordinary. Except that he isn’t, not really. Doctor Who crossover.
Notes: My fondness for crossovers runs deep, and this one is brilliant. The premise is so weird I would have never expected it to work, but it does. Oh, lord, it does. (There’s a sequel to this, too, which is just as fabulous as this one.)

Title: The Autumn Moon is Bright by barrowjane
Rating: R
Author’s Summary: John has two secrets he keeps from Sherlock - he manages this, he thinks, only because Sherlock would find the idea that John is attracted to him just as unlikely as the idea of John being a werewolf. He’s not sure what it says about his life, that love and lycanthropy are considered equally impossible events.
Notes: This story is flat-out beautiful. Glorious. Achy and sweet and touching and too much for words. I devoured this in one day the first time I read it, and then immediately went back to reread it. Nothing I can say will ever come close to doing it justice.

Title: Available Evidence by lamardeuse
Rating: R
Author’s Summary: John is the one mystery Sherlock can’t solve.
Notes: Because Sherlock is incredibly hard to get right, and lamardeuse manages it wonderfully. It’s also a lovely fix-it set after TGG, and it made me laugh all the way through.

Title: Bromance Isn’t Dead by cyerus
Rating: PG
Author’s Summary: John and Lestrade are epic bros.
Notes: Cyerus is one of the funniest authors in this fandom, and this story is no exception. I adore it, and have no words to describe how much. Just…read it. You won’t regret it if you do, but you most definitely will if you don’t.

Title: Captain John Watson, Genetics, and Other Crazy Things by cyerus
Rating: R
Author’s Summary: The explanation for John “Three Continents” Watson? Jack Harkness is his father.
Sherlock doesn’t know whether he’s going to die from jealousy or sexual frustration first.
Notes: I put off reading this for a long time, because the premise seemed just a bit too cracky for me. But, hey, it’s cyerus, so it had to be at least a little good. Then I read it and was promptly blown away. It’s hilarious, beautifully written and so funny that I about died. Anyone who has not read this must be strapped to a chair and forced to do so immediately. Fandom classic here, without doubt.

Title: The Detective Series by lotherington
Rating: T overall
Author’s Summary: John Watson was seven years and three months old when he first met His Raggedy Detective. He wasn’t expecting the bright red telephone box to crash land in his back garden in the middle of the night, but then, who ever expected such a silly thing to happen in the first place?
Notes: Reason 1) It’s a Doctor Who crossover. Reason 2) Sherlock and John are beautifully in character. 3) The three stories are angsty and lovely and sweet and fluffy by turns, and twist your heart up into little knots of wonderfulness.

Title: examine every inch by whimsicalimages
Rating: PG-15
Author’s Summary: (none)
Notes: This is based on the red string myth, so if you know what that is, you can probably guess the basic plot of this story. It’s sweet and angsty and beautiful, and the writing is just gorgeous.

Title: Faerie-Touched by blind_author
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Summary: AU. In a world of sorcerers and magic, Sherlock is a Faerie-born and John, lacking any kind of magical talent, often seems a bit out of place. But he has a gift all his own…
Notes: AUs are awesome in general (so creative!), and this one is just splendid. Pretty much anything blind_author writes is more than worth reading, but this is a beautiful foray into world-building. Sherlock and John are vivid and multifaceted and gorgeous, and the emotions packed into this story are breathtaking.

Title: The Hollow Men by ends_of_time
Rating: NC-17
Author’s Summary: What constitutes a life when you’ve just stopped living?
Notes: An eerie, haunting look at life for John after TRF. Beautiful writing, a beautiful portrayal of grief and mourning, and a lovely, heartwarming conclusion.

Title: In Which John is a BAMFy MoFo, OMG! By kantayra_fic
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Summary: John’s BAMFness and Sherlock’s damsel-in-distress act are caught forever on camera. So Scotland Yard can mock. A lot.
Notes: Oh, ooh, this one always makes me giggle until my sides ache. It’s just perfect, and the title alone should convince you to give it a try. Riotous.

Title: In Which John Is A Disney Princess by soera
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Summary: Animals like John. They like him a lot. Lestrade is confused, John is pragmatic, and Sherlock feels like he’s in a Disney movie.
Notes: I adore anything soera writes, but this is especially sweet, funny, and adorable. Another one that should be read by virtue of the title alone.

Title: Kiss the Tin Man by hyacinth_sky747
Rating: NC-17
Author’s Summary: (none)
Noets: This is a gorgeous story about human frailty and human strengths, and Sherlock’s POV is a mix of heartbreaking and endearing. The Wizard of Oz references just make everything better. Mycroft is lovely, too, and John is so very much himself. <3

Title: Let You Kiss Me (So Sweet and So Soft) by out_there
Rating: G
Author’s Summary: The first time Sherlock kisses him, John keeps his eyes open, and so does Sherlock, and mostly, he wonders what Sherlock could possibly be up to. There’ll be some logic to this. Some ridiculous experiment about body warmth or respiratory rates or testing a new way of picking pockets. Sherlock does the unimaginable for bizarre reasons, but behind it, there’s always logic and curiosity. Sometimes, it just takes him a while to explain it to John.
Notes: Sometimes, you just want enough fluff to rot your teeth and/or your brain. This provides, while still managing to have an interesting plot, a bit of angst, and remain incredibly IC. It makes me coo, every time.

Title: Man and Beast by jupiter_ash
Rating: NC-17
Author’s Summary: Written for a prompt. Sherlock is a werewolf who is captured by a facility which wants to experiment on him.  When John is placed into his cage they expect Sherlock to attack him, but instead, he tries to mate with John.
Notes: This fic is hot and flat-out gorgeous. I adore Sherlock’s struggle against his inner beast and John’s cool collectedness in the face of danger. And it’s hot. Did I mention that?

Title: The Perils of Urban Warfare by phantomjam
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Summary: The problems of acclimatising to civilian life a.k.a the travails of John, his therapist and Sherlock.
Notes: When Mycroft diagnoses John as missing the war, it’s easy enough to overlook what that really means. Phantomjam most certainly does not, and gives us a funny, deadpan, sometimes painful, and always gorgeous look at how John moves from the battlefields of Afghanistan to the battlefield of London.

Title: Pseudoscience by Winter_of_our_Discontent
Rating: T
Author’s Summary: The only thing worse than being kidnapped by scientists is being kidnapped by scientists with shoddy methodology. Good thing Sherlock’s got a new friend in the next cell.
Notes: Anyone who knows me knows my adoration of paranormal/supernatural/fantasy AUs. This is one of those, and it’s perfect. Sherlock’s disdain is classic, as is John’s ability to break down his emotional barriers even when they’re separated by actual barriers. And the twist at the end is lovely.

Title: raise it up (shining) by whimsicalimages
Rating: PG-15
Author’s Summary: What if Sherlock has a clockwork heart? What if John has the key? (Paraphrased, forgive me the liberty.)
Notes: Whimsicalimages has a truly incredible imagination, and this story is a perfect showcase of that. It’s amazing beyond words, and so very, very beautiful.

Title: Resign Yourself to Me; Or, a Very Short Engagement by lei_chi_sogna
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Summary: A fanciful accounting of how Sherlock Holmes (The World’s Foremost Consulting Detective) and John H. Watson (M.D., ex-RAMC, and best friend of the former) came to be affianced and, in fairly short order, married.
Notes: This should, very much, be crack. It manages not to be, mostly because the reasoning is all so very, very much something Sherlock would come up with, and John would grumble about and protest but eventually go along with. Funny, sweet, silly, and very well-written; what more is needed?

Title: The Science of Forward Momentum by thisprettywren
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Summary: Sherlock understands the impossibility of second chances.
Notes: This story is absolutely agonizing, painful in a beautiful, glorious way. Sherlock is so very human, so desperate that it’s bordering on madness, and the writing is perfect and gritty and makes me feel all over. Just…yum.

Title: Shadows on the Wall by AraSigyrn
Rating: T
Author’s Summary: John came back from Afghanistan psychic.
Notes: I am an utter fool in the face of pretty language, and this has some of the prettiest I’ve encountered. And the premise, setup, plot, execution—they’re all gorgeous. John is by turns heartbreaking and thrilling and so very, very much the slightly broken army doctor of canon, just…with a little more. Read it. Now. You’ll be glad you did.

Title: Spaces Between by aubkae
Rating: R
Author’s Summary: John watches Sherlock wander through the flat staring at everything like it’s all new, touching random objects as if they can tell him something he doesn’t already know. Their eyes meet. They look away.
Notes: I adore this story. It’s an absolutely haunting reaction to TRF and the idea of Sherlock leaving for years to dismantle Moriarty’s web. Whatever TPTB come up with, I don’t think it will never be able to top fandom’s response/solutions, and this is one of the best.

Title: Their Whole Life Through by eight_demands
Rating: G
Author’s Summary: If his patient thought he was the first person to ever try to intimidate John Watson, he was sadly mistaken. John sometimes considered, in his own head, the subtitle of his Afghanistan years to be “Arseholes with Guns who Love to Yell.” If anything, being verbally abused by a haughty git who was bleeding all over him brought back a rush of warm nostalgia.
Notes: This is a ridiculously funny and plausible AU of their first meeting, and I giggle every time I reread it. John is my favorite character, and he’s so beautifully IC here, dry and wry and brilliant in a quiet way, while Sherlock is loud and dramatic and perfect.

Title: they tell me their secrets (will you tell me yours too) by etothepii
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Summary: In Afghanistan, the supplies tell him when they’re running low, and the cars always, always tell him when strangers have touched them, and John gets known as having a knack (paranoia, his men call it, but he’s never missed a single car bomb) for keeping his men safe.
Notes: Absolutely everything by etothepii is incredible reading, but this is one of my personal favorites. The concept is amazing, and the execution is beyond words.

Title: This Cycle of Revenge is Not Going the Way I Planned It by azriona
Rating: T
Author’s Summary: Someone is killing off Moriarty’s associates before Sherlock can get to them. Sherlock is Not Amused. Vaguely cracky.
Notes: John is a canon!BAMF, at least imho. And this…oh, god, I nearly laughed myself sick reading this. It’s funny, witty, cracky, and still manages to feel both IC and plausible.

Title: Time in Lieu Of by squidwhisk
Rating: NC-17
Author’s Summary: John Watson has three siblings, not one…and together they are the four horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Notes: Crack!fic of epic proportions, everyone, and so delicious that not reading it should be a crime. There’s a sequel, too, if you’re craving more cracky goodness. And…idk, John Watson as Death just appeals to me on such a visceral level I don’t have words to describe it. :P

Title: Tremors by medialane
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Summary: For the prompt: “John is an Avatar-style Earthbender, he was born this way and has no idea why he is this way. Harry can know, but he’s been hiding all his life from everyone else.”
Notes: This story was another I nearly skipped because it just sounded too weird. And, as with the others, I’m glad I didn’t, because it’s wonderful. So, even if you’re doubtful, just try it. It isn’t nearly as crackish as the prompt suggests, and everyone is marvelously IC.

Title: Untitled Forensics John Fic(s) by stickstockstone
Rating: PG
Author’s Summary: An AU meeting between John (who is the new head of forensics) and Sherlock (…who is Sherlock).
Notes: Sherlock here is adorably huffy, totally IC, and absolutely ridiculous. He’s a smartass, John is an exasperated and BAMFy forensic scientist, and the coat gets—*le gasp*—insulted. It’s hilarious, not crack, and an adorable series. (Make sure to read the sequel, The Inconsequential Death of Mr. Stevens, which is even better.)

Title: The Velveteen Doctor by lantean_drift
Rating: R
Author’s Summary: A series of events that show John just how real he has become to Sherlock – like a bright, brilliant flash of colour in an otherwise greyscale world.
Notes: My soft spot for any story that uses The Velveteen Rabbit is bottomless. This one is good enough read again and again, and perfect in every way that I can think of. I flat-out adore it.

Title: We Go Anywhere But To The Ground by geordielover
Rating: R
Author’s Summary: Every second that ticks by is a reminder of the deafening quiet Sherlock has left behind. John feels his soul slip out of his fingertips, inch by inch, with every passing day.
At some point, he stops trying to hold on.
Notes: I’ve got a bit of a thing about suicide, so I avoided this fic for a long time. It was very stupid of me. Geordielover deals with a very (for me) uncomfortable subject so deftly and beautifully, and John’s pain is so real and agonizing, and breaks my heart every time I read it. Just…it’s lovely.

Title: What Meets the Eye by worldaccordingtofangirls
Rating: R
Author’s Summary: Amnesia is just another case to solve. Piece together unfamiliar faces, reconstruct the old identity, the lost reality. A challenge that Sherlock could even enjoy. He can read people like books. The man with the silver hair is his boss. The tottering old woman, his landlady. The girl with the worried look in her eyes…infatuated. And as for John Watson? His husband. Obviously.
Notes: Ah, this one just tears me apart with all the feels. The premise is so very Sherlock, and he’s beautifully in character. No words can describe the dreamy beauty of this fic, so you’ll just have to read it for yourself and find out.  

Title: When the War Fires Fade by snowdarkred
Rating: PG-13
Author’s Summary: The Wars turned the world on its head, and in that unrivaled chaos, John Watson was born with a rare gift. Sherlock, naturally, was born with an even rarer one. Years after the Wars end and the Others return to their dark lairs, two men are introduced by a well-meaning mutual acquaintance. And their world is upturned yet again.
Notes: Sunshine is a wonderful book, one of the few modern vampire stories I can read without rolling my eyes every twenty words or so, but I would have never imagined an AU based off of it. Snowdarkred pulls it off admirably, and the result is something I want to read over and over again.

shadowhunters sentence starters
  • "Passion makes you dangerous."
  • "You have an interesting effect on people"
  • "We break noses and accept consequences."
  • "You're like a yippy dog"
  • "Same old judgmental mom with me."
  • "Never trust a people who can't lie. They find much more inventive ways to stab you in the back."
  • "You love me? So? I love you too"
  • "Playing hard to get? I love a challenge."
  • "I know you can color outside the lines. You're just not letting yourself think that way."
  • "Well, that was a window to the weird."
  • "Life is not what you want to do; it's about what must be done."
  • "Emotions are nothing but a distraction. You're ruled by them."
  • "Is he more of a flower or cologne man?"
  • "I don't know what you are talking about."
  • "Does he normally lay like that without moving?"
  • "You don't know the half of it."
  • "With a body like yours, everything's your color."
  • "Someone's looking badass."
  • "I don't know how to explain this. I think these are my people."
  • "You don't get to talk to me, Captain America"
  • "Let them come after us. They'll just turn into a bunch of fried eggs out here."
  • "You know you'd be a lot happier if you weren't so fricken repressed."
  • "Check out that guy. He's got something on him."
  • "The living are so exhausting."
  • "Are you that desperate to get laid that you'd risk killing us?"
  • "I don't need a spokesman. I need a plan."
  • "I've seen every horror movie ever made, and the funny best friend who gets left behind? Dead man."
  • "For someone so old, you're not too wise, are you?"
  • "Are you kidding? I was born afraid, which sounded a lot better in my head."
  • "Don't tell me you are afraid?"
  • "You might be some kind of emotionless G.I. Joe, but..."
  • "It's a shame, really, denying them all this."
  • "I'm turning 18. It's not like I'm heading on some epic journey."
  • "Everything's going to change for you now."
  • "How could someone as smart and perceptive as you not realize the person sitting right there is in love with you?"
  • "Maybe I'm pissed that she's ruined the mission."
  • "I'm not saving his ass twice!"
Request: I Don't Believe In Fate

Request: can you write a fluffy dean imagine where they were childhood friends and they finally tell eachother how they feel about eachother as theyre driving to sams motel?

Word Count: 839

Thank you, I hope you enjoy it!:)

It’s been such a long time since you’d seen him. I mean, you must have been sixteen when he last left, and you haven’t seen him since.

But then the familiar figure waltzes into the small diner you’re eating at, plonks himself into the seat beside you, and greets you with a short,

“Hey, sweetcheeks. ‘Sup?”

That’s when you recognise who he is.

“Holy shit, Dean Winchester. I thought you were dead.” You’re momentarily shocked. He stares at you.

“Y/N. Jesus, you grew up.”

He’s right. You filled out just right, and although you may not be perfect, you were happy with what you had. You’d lost the baby face and the slightly frizzy hair, grown in some places and shrunk, it seemed, in others.

You smile, “How’s it going?” You ask, spinning the seat and taking a long drink of your beer. He shrugs.

“Long haul. Still hunting?”

Your dad and his were good friends, which is how you met. They would work cases together until they fell out. You hadn’t seen either hide nor hair of any Winchester since.

“How could I stop? It’s so much fun.” You say dryly, and he chuckles.

“Ever the optimist. Wow, it’s been a while. Fill me in, what have you been doing?”

You give him a brief outline of the past years- under your breath for the most part, as you talk of things that barely skim the average person’s mind. Losing your father to a vampire-werewolf alliance clan in downtown New York.

He returns the favour, telling you about his experiences after meeting up with his brother, Sam, after his girlfriend was killed. Killing the demon that murdered their mother. Accidentally, oh, whoops, opening the gates to hell.

You listen interestedly, and all the time he gazes at you, entranced. You hardly notice.

“I mean, God, we had a few close calls. It’s like there’s something watching over us, you know?”

You nod, quietly thinking for a second. “It really is sometimes. I’ve gotten out of some close ones by pure chance.”

“Isn’t it lonely, hunting alone?” He asks suddenly, and you shrug.

“Sometimes it is. I manage.”

“You should stay with us for the night. The motel is ten minutes away, spend the night and you can go in the morning if you want. You know, just…company.” He says, and your heart does a flip. Since being about twelve, you had feelings for him that weren’t strictly platonic. You kept them hidden for fear of ruining the friendship you had. They had faded with time, but had seemingly been brought back to life with vigour.

“Sure.” You nod. You finish your drinks and head out to his car, which he’d inherited from his father. It was definitely beautiful, the sleek black finish shining in the moonlight.

“Admiring baby?” He remarks, and you laugh.

“She only gets better with age.” You say, giving the door a gentle pat before sitting in the passenger seat.

“Nobody ever appreciates her like that.” He says with a smile as the engine starts with a gentle purr. “Sam thinks it’s ridiculous.”

“Maybe it is. Who cares? I’ll tell you who. Grumpy people. And probably demons. But there’s not much that they like that doesn’t involve genocide or mangling.” You shrug as he pulls out of the parking lot. He chuckles.

“You should stick around, could do with more humour on this train. Sam seems determined to change it to the Grumpy Express.”

You laugh, “Choo choo.” You say, with false enthusiasm. “All aboard the Passive Aggressive carriage. Please, join us for the Misery dinner, shortly followed by our classic night of entertainment, Angst in the City.”

It’s not that funny, but he’s laughing hard, bringing his hand down on the steering wheel. “That’s brilliant. Really.”

You laugh, a pink stain finding its way onto your face. Suddenly, he slows the car. At this hour, the road is empty, but he turns to look at you.

“Look, Y/N. I don’t believe in fate or destiny or any of that shit. But…meeting here tonight after all of these years?” He pauses, “I need to tell you something.”

“Go ahead.” You say with a smile. Apparently, your heart has become an acrobat in the last ten seconds.

“I always liked you. From being about thirteen. Not seeing you was hard, I tried to track you down but you were pretty well hidden.” He pauses. “Please, stay with us. Stay with me.”

You nod silently, “I’d love to. And to be honest with you?” You move slightly closer to him, as much as the seatbelt will allow. “I liked you too. Still do, really.”

His eyes light up as he pulls the car over, parking by the side of the road and stopping the engine. He moves over, unclicking his seatbelt.

Suddenly, his lips are on yours, his arms pulling you closer to him. You smile against his lips.

“I missed having you around. I’m officially trapping you with me.” He says quietly.

“I don’t even mind.”

Spiderman 3 (2007 Movie): Sentence Starters
  • "Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice."
  • "It's the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what's right."
  • "You gonna kill me like you killed my father?"
  • "No. He despised you. You were an embarrassment to him."
  • "You took him from me. He loved me."
  • "I'm done trying to convince you."
  • "You came."
  • "We'll get you through this."
  • "I never should have hurt you... said those things."
  • "You're my friend."
  • "A couple of minutes ago wouldn't have been so bad either."
  • "Oh, my. What happened?"
  • "Looks like just in the nick of time."
  • "I don't think it's for us to say whether a person deserves to live or die."
  • "Before you know it, turn us into something ugly."
  • "Did you ever propose?"
  • "You said a husband's gotta put his wife before himself."
  • "I'm not ready."
  • "I hurt her."
  • "Well, you start by doing the hardest thing: You forgive yourself."
  • "I know what it feels like. It feels good. The power. Everything. But you'll lose yourself. It'll destroy you. Let it go."
  • "I like being bad. It makes me happy."
  • "If you know what I'm talking about!"
  • "Back then, nothing seemed to go right for me."
  • "People really like me."
  • "Stings doesn't it?"
  • "I protected you in high school. Now I'm gonna kick your little ass."
  • "You're trash."
  • "Your picture's a fake."
  • "You want forgiveness? Get religion."
  • "You are such a boy scout."
  • "We're just horsing around."
  • "I'm begging you. If you do this, I will lose everything. There's not a paper in town that will hire me."
  • "Show this to your editor."
  • "I want him dead too."
  • "Look, I want to kill the spider, you wanna kill the spider. Together, he doesn't stand a chance. Interested?"
  • "End of the line."
  • "Your wife told me to tell you to watch the anger."
  • "Time to take your pill."
  • "Hey. I'm the new guy."
  • "Um, yeah, look, just between you and me, guys kind of an amateur."
  • "From now on, I am gonna be taking shots of you for the Bugle."
  • "But you don't have to worry about that, buddy."
  • "You want a staff job, and you want a staff job, anybody care about what I want?"
  • "Shut up. Get out."
  • "Listen to me! I didn't kill your father!"
  • "You knew this was coming!"
  • "He was trying to kill me! He killed himself!"
  • "I didn't want this. But I had no choice."
  • "We always have a choice."
  • "I needed money."
  • "Why don't you just put down the gun and go home?"
  • "I realize now he was just trying to help me."
  • "I did a terrible thing to you."
  • "I spent a lot of nights wishing I could take it back."
  • "I didn't choose to be this."
  • "I'm not asking you to forgive me. I just want you to understand."
  • "How's the pie?"
  • "I'm just here to talk to you, beautiful!"
  • "Just a little something called 'Nice And Easy', what's on you?"
  • "I need a photographer."
  • "A hundred bucks?"
  • "Film's extra."
  • "Shazam!"
  • "That was OUR kiss!"
  • "It's a funny feeling, not knowing who you are."
  • "Never wound what you can't kill."
  • "Its a free country. Not a rent-free country."
  • "You will get your rent when you fix this DAM DOOR!"
  • "We can find a way to settle this."
  • "You're so right. I'm thinking... humiliation. Kind of like how you humiliated me. Do you remember? Do you remember what you did to me? You made me lose my girl. Now I'm gonna make you lose yours."
  • "How's that sound, tiger?"
  • "An orange?"
  • "I'm really sorry for what happened earlier. I shouldn't have yelled about that door. It was nothing to be angry about."
  • "This is none of your business."
  • "Do you want to push me away?"
  • "Push you away? Why would I want to push you away... I love you!"
  • "They're gonna kill us both."
  • "Your shots are so good."
  • "You don't deserve my help."
  • "Do I have any girlfriends?"
  • "This thing got any more?"
  • "She doesn't know what you are."
  • "Tell me you love me?"
  • "I know you're trying to defend your fathers' honor, but there is no question that he died by his own hand."
  • "What does it matter to you, anyway?"
  • "Hate those things!"
  • "Take your hands off me."
  • "I live in the presence of great truth."
  • "I promise I'll make you healthy again. Whatever it takes, I'll get the money."
  • "I'm not a bad person. Just had bad luck."
  • "They're my best friends... I'd give my life for them."
  • "Was I really good? I was so nervous. My knees were shaking."
  • "It's all about diffusion."
  • "The applause wasn't very loud."
  • "You are such a nerd."
  • "Where do these guys COME from?"
  • "You've taken your eye off the ball."
  • "You know, I guess one person really can make a difference."
  • "It has the characteristics of a symbiote, which needs to bond to a host in order to survive. And once it binds... it can be hard to UNbind."
  • "I love romance. I am French."
  • "You fired him."
  • "I could use some help over here!"
  • "I guess you haven't heard. I'm the sheriff around these parts!"
  • "This could be a tragic day for the people of New York."
  • "It's hard to believe what's happening. The brutality of it. I - I don't know how he can take anymore."
  • "Everybody needs help sometimes."
  • "He's a good boy. He must be in some kind of trouble."
  • "What about that amazing... amazing night that we had?"
  • "We had a coffee."
  • "Make him suffer, make him wish he were dead. First, we attack his heart!"
  • "There seems to be some kind of activity in the web."

kddailey  asked:

Since you're waxing eloquent on Nick already, here's a question I've been trying to figure out on my own, but would prefer your insight. Nick has a difficult time with written words because demons don't use them. But (thankfully for us) his sense of sarcasm and humor is quite well developed. Why are spoken words so much easier for him?

The short answer is, I don’t think spoken words are much easier for him. Nick has problems with words in every capacity. 

Even Nick’s PoV (the way he sees the world) is affected by this: the sentences in Demon’s Lexicon are shorter, choppier, the rhythm off, the word choice different and simpler, than in any of my other books. (Of course… since it was my first book it was not immediately clear that this was a *thing* I was doing. This may have been poorly thought out of me: give El Dummo a prize. ;))

But more on Nick and speech! I have actually been asked this before, which is I think a compliment for Nick’s sarcastic charms. ;)  

I remember being puzzled about it at first, until I worked out that I was being asked why Nick was *good* with words–and I could totally understand why people thought he was, even while I didn’t think he was.

Nick learns to speak at age four, and in a way that human children don’t. So it was quite a struggle to get him to talk at all.

Once he could talk, he went with Cold Hard Facts and using words as weapons.

Nick is a guy who uses most things as weapons. His own body, actual weapons, a drop-dead stare: he is unconsciously hostile to pretty much the entire world he’s living in, a world not his own. Once he could use words, they became another thing in his arsenal.

And he does have certain advantages, when it comes to using his words–he’s much less conflicted about words than most of us are: he doesn’t want people to like him, the way most of us do. He doesn’t want to look cool or smart or kind. He doesn’t feel self-conscious in the same way other people do. He definitely doesn’t have any interest in big declarations, or indeed in meaningful interactions. He doesn’t care about being too mean. Shakespeare said ‘brevity is the soul of wit’ and Nick certainly doesn’t babble, obscuring humour or meaning with too many words. All these things can make us stumble and second-guess our words, and none of those things are obstacles for Nick.

But I still don’t think of Nick as good with words, in anything but a very limited way.

In Demon’s Covenant, Alan and Nick’s father Daniel Ryves writes in his diary: ‘I have a theory Nicky developed his smart mouth to stop Alan beaming at him every time he spoke. Nick doesn’t like it when we make a fuss.’

Nick’s dad could see Nick using words to deflect something Nick is even less comfortable with: human feelings. The rest of us use words to express those feelings, at least sometimes. Not Nick! At certain points of great emotional turmoil in each of the three books, Nick is literally at a loss for words. 

The Demon’s Lexicon: ‘He couldn’t seem to find any words, just a hollow feeling where words should have been. He opened his mouth and an odd sound came out, like a croaking bird’ and ‘As usual, he could not find the words to say what he meant.’ and ‘Nick shook too, but not from horror or grief. He just felt cold, empty of the right words. He knew how to talk, but he did not know what to say. He could not give Alan what he did not have.’

Nick is not crying or anything: there is no physical reason for him not to be able to speak. He is not struggling with how many things he has to say. He is past capacity: he has shorted out and lost his grip on words completely.

I personally find it much easier to be funny than to be sincere, and I think I gave that to Nick (though of course I have a much easier time with words than Nick does!). Again, it’s a method of deflection. Being sincere is terribly difficult. Nick doesn’t want to be sincere, and he can’t lie. Nick is in a tricky position, even if he had a natural facility for words… and he does not. Sarcasm is an escape hatch out of being sincere.

Words go wrong for all of us occasionally, and they do for Nick, too. Nick does try to be sincere sometimes, and even helpful and supportive: usually when he tries, he horrifies Mae, Jamie and even Alan. Honestly sharing his worldview does not go well for Nick. ‘Did he just tell me “well done” for KILLING A GUY,’ Mae must think at one stage. What a horrorshow. Someone stop him!

Nick is a guy who does have a snappy retort a lot of the time, but his humour is largely reactive: he would never tell a funny story. He takes verbal cues from people who are better verbally than he is, i.e. almost everyone: Alan, Mae, Jamie, even Gerald and Black Arthur. He is verbally cruel to shut down people when they talk about things he finds uncomfortable and upsetting, and verbally cruel to drive people away, but he doesn’t know how to use words to draw them closer.

Nick has learned to use words as weapons, and he can be good with words in this one way, on a fairly shallow level. 

We all use words as shields, and sometimes as swords. But the best way to use words is as tools: words as ways to clearly communicate what’s going on with us to others, words to build a bridge from us to someone else. 

Nick’s not great at that. But he is like the rest of us in one way: he’s learning. We all have to work out how to tell people the truth of us, how to convey real meaning. I spend all my time trying to think of better ways to tell stories. ‘I’ve spent my whole life trying to put it into words.’ (We were almost out without a Taylor Swift quote! But I would never do that to you all.) 

We’re all learning how to say it better, all trying to finally, finally reach the point where we can say it right.

It takes a lifetime to learn how to really use your words.

Chapter 65 (these parodies are becoming an actual thing now)
  • Well, I *tried* to make this chapter funny, but, seeing as I've NEVER been so sad about a work of fiction before.... yeah.
  • (INT: Young!Kenny is talking to his grandfather.)
  • Grandpa Ackerman: So, where have you been?
  • Young!Kenny: Oh, here and there... I killed some more MPs, met up with my sister and we talked about baby names- Levi for a boy, Mikasa for a girl- and then I went to the store, bought some eggs, and killed another MP on the way home. Good day. They've started calling me "Kenny the Ripper" now. Pretty bitchin' title, don't you think?
  • GA: Kenny, we need to talk.
  • Kenny: Why? :(
  • GA: This serial killer thing is getting out of hand. Kids these days... always killing people.What's it gonna be like in the future, kids transforming into Titans and kicking down Wall Maria?
  • Kenny: I do what I want with my life, Grandpa, not you! And it's not like *I'm* the guy who's *ethnically cleansing* people and *wiping their memories*!
  • GA: You *do* have a point... but still. Get off my lawn.
  • (back in the present: )
  • Kenny: *points his gun at Rod*
  • Kenny: You know what, Rod? I'm through with your bullshit. All your lies, your manipulations, your sleeping around and treating your own daughter like shit. [actual dialogue] You knew how I felt, all along, but you manipulated me anyway… And used me well, didn’t you? [/actual dialogue, BELIEVE IT OR NOT.] I can't believe I trusted a cheating piece of filth like you... I was so stupid. But this ends *now*. As of today, we're not together anymore.
  • Historia & Eren: ...Together?
  • Kenny: WORKING together. That's what I meant. And as for you, Rod, you can suck my....
  • ...
  • Kenny: Knife.
  • Kenny: Historia, are you *really* going to do what he says? Just like *that*?
  • Historia: Um...yeah?
  • Kenny: Take it from me, kid. Your father might be charming, he might have his ways of getting people to like him, but he's not worth it. We're better off without him. Or are you forgetting about how he treated you? I was *there*. Face it, kid. He never loved you and he never will. It hurts, I know.
  • Historia: ...You killed my mother in front of me. When I was *ten*.
  • Kenny: Sorry about that, kid. But hey, it's not like she ever loved you in the first place, right? And Rod wanted her dead and I... I was all to happy to comply.
  • Historia: (mouth agape) "Sorry about that"? Don't I get a fruit basket and a nice note?
  • Rod: Kenny... please. Leave me if you must... but don't turn my daughter against me as *well*. She's all I've got left.
  • Rod: But Kenny... I'm proud of you. Now go. Leave me behind and find somewhere to lead a long, happy life. (/close to actual dialogue- it's impossible not to ship Rackerman at this point.)
  • *Call Your Name playing in the background*
  • Kenny: That'd be boring. *walks over to Eren and cuts his forehead* Now, go transform and kick his ass for me, okay? 3...2...1...
  • Eren: *does nothing*
  • Kenny: ???
  • Historia: ???
  • Rod: Foolish boy. You've chosen your own demise.
  • Eren: I'm limited... Just look at me. I'm limited. And just look at you, you can do all I couldn't do. So now it's up to you, Historia. For both of us. I want you to take the Coordinate from me.
  • Historia: Eren... but why?
  • Eren: I see it now. If the Coordinate remains in me, my survival will bring final destruction to the human race. But it is possible for me to be killed, and whether I live or die makes no great difference. In truth, death may be the only absolute freedom there is.
  • Historia: ... I don't understand what you're talking about, Eren.
  • Eren: Please... end me. Otherwise, you will be destroyed. Only one of us can be chosen to avoid the destruction and seize the future. And you are not the existence which should die.
  • Historia: (tearfully) ...Okay. And when you told me I was a normal person that one time... it meant a lot to me.
  • Eren: And two more things, Tori... Tell Mikasa I'm sorry. Take care of her, okay?
  • Historia: *sob*... I will. And...?
  • Eren: ...And promise me you'll get to see the ocean someday.
  • Historia: *nods and injects herself*
  • *Boom*
  • Jean: Did Eren just... die?
  • Levi: It's pretty unclear.
  • Mikasa: *Eren alarm going off*
  • (Somewhere else: )
  • Ymir: We're going back.
  • Reiner: But why?
  • Ymir: Historia's having a shippy moment with someone else.
  • END

anonymous asked:

(1)First let me tell you that I work with marketing so I know what I'm talking about. I saw an anon saying that what makes them believe Larry isn't real are the denials from Louis' family/friends and himself. Well, what makes me believe Larry is real are those denials. Why? bc if you want to sell something you don't go and insult a huge part of your costumers.

Keep reading

Idea for a weird Captain America/Hercules-ish AU where Bucky is Meg and Steve is Hercules. (Sorta.)

(ohmygod, this grew bigger than it was supposed to be, I don’t even know what happened.)

Steve is a demi-god, whose mother was a mortal woman seduced by some horny, inconsiderate god from Mount Olympus. But he’s more mortal than god, and he’s weak and sickly and always so close to death. And all he wants to do is find where he belongs, because he doesn’t fit in with the mortals around him who ridicule his weak state, and who laugh at his many attempts to be just and kind and heroic.

His only friend is Bucky, who protects him from local bullies and beasts/monsters that roam the wilderness (because there’s a lot out there that may find skinny little Steve as a tasty, light meal.) Bucky and Steve are pretty inseparable, and a little bit in love, and while young Steve dreams of becoming a soldier so he can protect other people and stop bullies and finally belong somewhere, Bucky just dreams of a comfortable, simple life where he can keep Steve safe and sound and with him.

But one day, sometime in winter, the cold is too much for Steve to handle, and he weakens so much that he’s this close to dying, and Bucky doesn’t know what to do.

He realizes that the only thing he can do is sell his soul to the Red Skull/Hydra Hades, who promises health and vitality for the dying boy, in exchange for one thing…

Keep reading

Okay but MARY.

Can we talk about Mary Morstan.

Can we talk about how she’s different from any other woman John has dated.

Sherlock pulls his classic “interfere with the date so John will pay all of his attention to ME” move in the middle of John trying to propose and at first her reaction seems to be exactly what he expected. But it’s not. Mary’s not offended or exasperated by Sherlock. She finds it funny and kind of adorable, and before it had enough self-confidence to declare that she was the best thing that could have happened to John. What she’s upset about is when she observes John’s condition and realizes it’s Sherlock and realizes that Sherlock’s presence is triggering the hell out of John. She and John were together six months; if what we saw at the beginning of Reichenbach Falls is any indication, it takes that amount of time for John to even admit that Sherlock is dead. Sherlock stabilized him, gave him something to live for. I bet John woke up with screaming nightmares more than once in their relationship, and Mary had to calm him down and, later, get him to talk about it. John’s mental health is her first concern, not shock or jealousy.

She is intelligent. She deduces that Sherlock must have had a confidant to pull off his plan and figures out the pattern in the texts very quickly, quickly enough for Sherlock to save John. Perhaps part of it is her training as a linguist, but she shows commendable quick thinking.

She sees herself as an equal to both John and Sherlock. When she’s worried about John, she jumps right on the back of the motorcycle with Sherlock, no questions asked, and she helps him rescue John from the fire. She has confidence in herself and her abilities - she knows she can bring John around.

And she is a friend to John. This is very important. Some people go through their whole marriage without actually being friends, and it’s a whole other layer of intimacy and love. They love each other enough to be silly, and to tease, and to bicker about small things without turning them into big ones. That scene on the bed with Mary reading John’s fanfiction case files and then prodding him excitedly to go see Sherlock - doesn’t it remind you of a scene with your best friend teasing you about a crush? Mary is obviously not going to make any attempt to separate John and Sherlock, and that she can assess their relationship and decide to help maintain it in such an emotionally charged atmosphere is proof that she cares about John as a person, not just “my boyfriend/fiancé/husband”.

This is why Sherlock looks so dumbfounded when Mary agrees to help talk to John about the situation. Sherlock is used to John’s girlfriends being taken aback by a kidnapping, jealous of his and John’s closeness, offended by Sherlock’s lack of social grace. In his analysis he realizes that John has found not just a girlfriend, but an equal and one who accepts him as well, and I think that exchange will set the tone of their relationship for the rest of the series.

YOU CAN'T BE TRUSTING THAT SHIT THEY PUT ON THE MARKET
  • Shop Owner: Welcome!
  • Customer: *stumbles around with a fresh bullet wound on her head* Where am I?
  • Shop Owner: This is my shop.
  • Customer: What kind of shop?
  • Shop Owner: ...I don't know.
  • Customer: *touches bullet* Ouch! I need help.
  • Shop Owner: Oh, there's no help for you.
  • Customer: What do you mean?
  • Shop Owner: You're dead.
  • Customer: I'm not dead.
  • Shop Owner: You have a bullet in your head. You're dead. This is the afterlife.
  • Customer: This is a joke, right?
  • Shop Owner: No, for some reason whenever anyone dies, they all come to my shop first. If only I had something to sell, I'd be loaded. I guess the dead don't really need things, though.
  • Customer: I thought being dead would be more elegant.
  • Shop Owner: Nah, you're the same except with all of your death injuries. It makes it really hard for some people to get around.
  • Customer: Are you dead too?
  • Shop Owner: No, I've been here since the beginning of everything.
  • Customer: It must be boring living in this tiny shop for all of existence.
  • Shop Owner: *shrugs* You get used to it.
  • Customer: *leaves shop and walks into a vast wasteland* Whoa, it looks like everything stretches on forever.
  • Shop Owner: It does.
  • Customer: What's out there?
  • Shop Owner: Everyone and everything that has ever died.
  • Customer: Where am I supposed to go?
  • Shop Owner: *shrugs* It's up to you.
  • Customer: *covers eyes as she looks up into the gray sky*
  • Customer: *turns to look back at the store to find it gone*
  • Customer: *walks for an immeasurably long time through the wasteland*
  • Customer: *runs across a flower stand manned by a little girl covered in burn wounds*
  • Little Girl: Wanna flower?
  • Customer: Sure. *reaches for flower*
  • Little Girl: *points at the sign on her stand* That'll be one dollar, please.
  • Customer: *digs in pocket, pulls out a crumpled bloody dollar, and drops it in the little girl's hand*
  • Little Girl: *place flower in the customer's bullet wound* Thank you for your business!
  • Customer: *continues on her journey*
  • Customer: *comes across the ruins of a temple* What could this place have been?
  • Monk: This is what is left of the temple of the exalted ones, my dear.
  • Customer: Ah! Where the hell did you come from?
  • Monk: I was always here, dear. Now come. I have much to show you.
  • Customer: *follows monk into the ruins*
  • Monk: This hallowed temple was once dedicated to my lords, the exalted ones.
  • Customer: They sound boring.
  • Monk: Far from it, dear. They were beings who transcended life, death, and time. They had stepped past the duality of mortality, and walked the path of trinity.
  • Customer: What's the path of trinity?
  • Monk: No one knows, dear. Because anyone who does most likely doesn't end up in this place.
  • Customer: So, this afterlife, is it hell?
  • Monk: I think it's more like limbo.
  • Customer: Does everybody go here?
  • Monk: Yes, I think so. *sighs* It makes all those years I spent alive and dedicated to my religion feel like a waste. I spent my entire life in isolation, hoping to unlock the secrets of the path of trinity. I learned nothing. I died alone. I ended up here, more alone than ever.
  • Customer: I trafficked human organs on the black market.
  • Monk: That sounds gross.
  • Customer: It was, but I made so much money. I had like two houses and I wasn't even twenty-five yet!
  • Monk: I bet it caught up to you.
  • Customer: Nope. I'm pretty sure my dad killed me.
  • Monk: *gasps* Your dad!? What happened?
  • Customer: I don't know. He always had anger issues. I don't really want to talk about it. Hey, want my flower? *pulls flower out of bullet wound* I spent a dollar on it.
  • Monk: You spent a dollar on that thing? They grow all over the wasteland. You just have to kick up some sand and you'll find tons of them.
  • Customer: Shit, really?
  • Monk: Yeah.
  • Customer: That fucking little bitch scammed me... *crushes flower*
  • Monk: ...Want to make out?
  • Customer: Yes.
My existence terrified two women today...and I’m still laughing!

This actually happened. I wasn’t offended, but I was annoyed!

A little aside: It’s the last Saturday mom and I are going to church because Sunday morning choir starts again on the 11th. We trade off this way– during the choir summer break we go to evening Mass on Saturday so mom can sleep in on Sunday. Then when choir season starts, she gets up early to take me to church early for choir warmups, goes home, gets ready, comes to the Mass my choir sings at and and brings me home again after Mass is over.

So mom and me sat together in the pew, listening. Behind us, two women who would. not. stop. talking. They only stopped if it was dead silent, like during blessings. 

These ladies weren’t twentysomethings, either. They were old enough to be my mom. Their chattering caused me to miss huge portions of the priest’s homily. I could kind of ignore them during the parts of the Mass I already know because I don’t have to hear it to know what the priest was saying, but I love listening to homilies since some priests are great storytellers. 

Well, these women would not stop chit-chatting, and it was the kind of chit-chat one might do on their phone. Mass is only an hour long, maybe more depending on the time of the year and whether or not it’s a holiday. Everything they blathered about could have waited 60 minutes. They talked during hymns. They talked during readings. They talked during the Prayers of the Faithful(praying for the sick and the dead.)

I put up with them until after Communion. They were getting louder because we happened to be doing a hymn with a lot of dynamics in it. (Eye Has Not Seen). At one point they were almost shouting and interfering with my ability to worship properly. Singing is my main form of worship in church, it’s when I kind of go into my own head where it’s just me and the Lord. But I couldn’t connect at all today because these ladies would. not. shut. up.

Finally, I’d had enough. I whipped myself around to face them so fast my No Gloom ‘Shroom smacked my shoulder and slapped both my hands down on the back of my pew. The Tangle in my hand sort of slipped off my fingers to make quite a bang. An accident, but these ladies didn’t flinch! So I stared at them with my lips pressed tight in a line. My eyes were almost laser beams staring at their eyebrows. I patiently waited the ten seconds it took them to notice I was looking at them. They frowned and did this thing where they tilted their heads up to look down their noses at me like I was being rude for interrupting their conversation. 

I spread my hands and said, “Excuse me if everyone’s worship is interrupting your conversation. There are times and places to chat. This is not one of them. Please quiet down.”

Both women went silent and stared at me with their mouths open. I spent a moment staring at them until I felt satisfied and faced forward again to keep singing. 

That’s when I heard one of them tell the other, “That bitch thinks she’s the boss of us.”

I looked at my mom. My mom looked at me. I gave mom the index finger in the air gesture that means ‘one sec’ and turned around to face these women again.

I took a deep breath and my voice dropped low in my chest so I could boom at them without it being super loud. I said to them, “You dare disrespect me in God’s house?!”

I don’t know what I must have looked like to scare these women like I did. Maybe it’s because I stared into their eyes– I’ve been told I have a creepy stare. Maybe they saw Jesus behind me. Who knows?! All I know is I saw their eyes go wide and they did that gasp-and-close-their-mouths thing people do when something scares them. They grabbed their purses and practically shoved their way out of their pew! I lost sight of them once they passed between the people in the Communion line.

My mom elbowed me lightly in the side to make me turn around again. I mouthed ‘sorry’ to the people who were behind the chatty women and faced forward again to finish the Communion hymn.

The rest of Mass went over peacefully. I gave the sending forth hymn my all because it was my last time singing from the pews till next June. Mom said she’d meet me by the car and headed out to say hi to the priest.

I flirted a little at Johnathan(cantor) because he was all dressed up in a gray suit with a nice tie. I asked him what the occasion was and he said he came from a dedication Mass in another city. I told him “Well I’ve got a thing for guys dressed up fancy in suits or tuxedos, y’all always look good in suits!” And he did that squinty eye laugh that looks so cute on men. I probably blushed ten shades of red. (It was funny!!!) I let him know choir was starting back up and it was nice seeing him around during the summer. He said “likewise” and then I left to go find my mom.

When I’m not bogged down with my heavy choir bag, I like to put my sunglasses on, bow to the altar, put my No Gloom ‘Shroom in my mouth and skip out. (I don’t skip if people are in the aisle, I skip only if it’s clear.) This is fun at evening Masses because the sun lights the tiles in the aisle in such a way that it appears made of light that I follow to the door.

Well guess who I ran into on my way out? Chatty Patty and Blabby Gabby! I just kind of hopped past them, twirled while cranking my Tangle between both hands and wave/flapped bye to them while they stared at me like I was an alien or something. I couldn’t resist giving them a thumb’s up as if to say “yay, you’re talking at the right time now” before skipping off to meet up with mom by the car.

I still have no idea if my stare scared them or what, but I’m still cracking up over how they moved away from me like I have cooties.