if only in a dream





River trusts no one who approaches her father, not even dadsona - if they breathe in his direction, they a thot

  • Joseph: If you bite and you die; it's poisonous
  • If it bites you and you die; it's venomous
  • Amanda: What if it bites me and it dies?
  • Hugo: That means you’re poisonous.
  • Craig: What if it bites itself and I die?
  • Damien: It’s voodoo.
  • Brian: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
  • Mat: That’s correlation, not causation.
  • Robert: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?
  • Mary: That’s kinky
  • MC: Bro I can fit my whole world in the palm of my hands.
  • Craig: Bro that's imposs-
  • MC: *cups Craig's face with his hands*
  • Craig: *teary eyed* Bro.
  • Joseph: now kids, the candy cane, when turned upside down forms the letter J, which stands for Jesus! The red symbolizes his sacrifice, while the white symbolizes the cleansing of our sins-
  • Lucien, to Ernest: if you suck the bottom you can form a dagger
  • Ernest: shit dude stab me with that bad boy so I'm free of this hell
  • Joseph: Ernest! No cursing in church
  • Ernest: poop, dude, like totally free me of this heck
  • Joseph: better

anyways who wants to summon jimmy buffet with me