if only i could understand this interview

anonymous asked:

could i kindly request moments when namjoon has broken gender roles 'cause i love him and i wanna love him even more

namjoon has broken gender roles several times, not only by openly debunking and stating the fact that wearing ‘feminine’ clothes or colours is just a made up concept and continuing to wear those clothes despite ridicule but also by openly being a feminist.

first, lets look at the time he openly debunked the idea of clothes being classified masculine or feminine

and he wasn’t embarrassed at all and has since then continued to wear skirts in photoshoots as well as #kimdailys and in everyday life.

whenever he’s told that pink is a feminine color and even got made fun of for wearing makeup (4things show, which i think everyone should watch, it opens up a lot of things about namjoon) or wearing pink clothes (hellish weekly idol), he continued to do so without being embarrassed or stopping himself from wearing pink and he’s worn makeup (obviously) and donned pink lots of times regardless.

and i don’t have to remind you all of when he had pink hair.

“Hello, this is Rap Monster, aka PinkMon because I love pink, thank you very much.”

now to feminism. in this interview namjoon said:

The interviewer commented, “Some rappers express hip hop by dissing others, demeaning women, or harsh cursing,” and Rap Monster revealed his point of view. He said, “The hip hop culture can be very open, but if you look at it another way, it’s a closed culture that only those within it could understand.”

Rap Monster continued, “The public needs to respect that culture in part, but I think that the demeaning of women needs to be subdued.”

And this post:

which you can read more about right here, where he said a lot about his thoughts on feminism.

anonymous asked:

louies team is emotionally manipulating you all

I’m okay with that. All marketing is emotional manipulation. Louis’ interview was one of the most honest interviews we have gotten from a 1D member. 

Were they playing only one angle in this one? Yes. Could they have mentioned his strengths and how he came out strong through all that? Yes. Did they outrightly lie about his situation? No. 

This is the start. They have introduced him to the GP and they’ve done it well. I understand that the theme is going to be ‘The underdog proves himself’ and i’m fine with it. The interview actually got a good response and i’m proud of Louis.

I’m going to go all out to support him and so will all the Louies.

2

Hi Taylor! I am not sure if you recognize me but I would like to tell you something about me. I’m Kamila, I’m 24 and I live in Poland. I’ve been your fan for almost 10 years now so we can say that we were growing up together. In 2008 I borrowed an USB stick from my friend and I found your first album on it. I didn’t know who you were so I decided to listen to all songs. I was really capticated by your voice and melodies. I was curious who was that girl and what was she singing about. I started to look for the information about you online. Few months later Love Story came out, then whole Fearless album and that’s when I totally fell in love with your music. I started to learn English more intensely because I wanted to understand you. Your music has been my company during my whole life. You were here for me when I had troubles with my friends, when I fell in love for the first time, when I was heartbroken, when I was trying to find my old self and when I was trying to find happiness. Sometimes you were the only person I could ‘talk to’. Advices hidden in your songs and interviews have been everything to me and probably I am here thanks to them. My life has been crazy for last 5 years, I fell in love, I thought he is the one, then it came out that I’m not the one, he left and I wished he could come back. Then 1989 came out, you followed me on tumblr and your likes became something what made me feel better and motivated me to push forward. During 1989 era I saw you live for the first time. I travelled to Manchester and when I finally was in the same room as you I was the happiest cause one of my biggest dreams came true. Then one day he came back and gave me hope that we could be happy again. For the last two years I was living inside the bubble full of red emotions. Your albums helped me to understand that love shouldn’t be like that and they gave me the power to finish the most toxic relationship I’ve ever had. He lelft forever, but you stayed. I can’t fully express my feelings but I am really thankful for everything you do for me and for other fans. Thanks to you I found out what I want to do in life, (I graduated in August 2017, I got my degree and I’ll become an English translator soon). Thanks to you I got to meet the most amazing people and a lot of them became my friends for worse and for better. You still remind me that my happiness is important, my mistakes don’t define me and your Clean Speeches motivate me to reaching my goals and dreams, and to being brave and fighting for myself. Once I wrote this post on Tumblr: Someday Taylor Swift will hug you really tight and all your broken pieces will come back together. I know there’s a lot of deserving people, but you’ve taught me to dream impossible dreams, so I hope that one day I’ll be able to hug you and thank you in person for having such a big impact on my life. I love you so much, never forget that.
Kam, ultimate Red album stan (those songs helped me the most you have no idea).

anonymous asked:

What's going on? I thought people said that the whole engagement was a mistake and was some other couple with them on the beach? Is C with T or not? Are T and C engaged? I can't wrap my head around T accepting all C's and S's inappropriate behavior during interviews and twits. Not that it matters, I think the only way T could accept S and C behavior is that S is gay. I understand its all work but my actor friends say that actors to kiss like S&C unless they hooking up. what a mess

It is a mess! And your actor friends are right - tongue kissing is not the norm between actors, unless that’s what they do off stage, too ; )

Everyone has interpreted the past few days a little differently, so here’s my take:

Cait is not engaged. Tait is not real. The engagement rumor was done on purpose and was not a misunderstanding involving the other couple’s real engagement. The point of all this bumbling is for people to suspect she’s engaged.

If Tait isn’t real, then SamCait must be. Cait wouldn’t need a fake fiancé otherwise.

Imagine Jared calling you his soulmate when rambling about you during an interview.

“It’s not the size… of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean. Isn’t that what they say?” Jared chuckled, looking around him for some sort of confirmation “I don’t know, (Y/n) usually tells me about these things but I- I-” he chuckled “I get too distracted by her beauty to pay attention to what she says.” he confessed shyly but still slyly as people laughed around him.

Of course you did.” you muttered, hiding your red face for a moment as you kept watching the video of his interview.

“Speaking of which-” the interviewer grinned “You two are great friends right?”

“Great great friends, yeah.” he admitted with a small smile, resting his chin on his hand.

“You mention her very often in interviews, whether it is about movies or you guys’ new music, and I know there are a lot of people wondering how important is she truly to you?”

Keep reading

today i was reflecting in the shower.. where i normally do all of my deeper thinking.. and i couldn’t stop thinking about 2016. i know.. we’re in a new year.. time to let it go.. but i don’t think i properly cleansed myself or made peace with how my year went. and because a lot of what happened to me throughout the year continuously comes to mind.. i knew it was time to sit down and write out my feelings. what has made me the writer or “poet” that i am today.. is i’ve spilled my heart out on paper, time and time again, but lately i’ve been extremely distant. i’m not sure whether it’s because i feel a burden to always be positive and uplifting or because i find myself more afraid than ever. last year i cried. and cried. and cried. more than i’ve ever cried in my 22 years of life. i even made a habit out of watching really sad and emotional movies just so i could find an excuse to. also.. i’ve smoked more than ever before. longing to both - feel.. and be numb. i’d smoke before writing so i could pull certain stories out of me. then i’d smoke after, to forget them. often times.. i just got high enough to make myself fall asleep so i wouldn’t have to deal with anything. in the midst of one of my episodes.. i realized i suffer, and have always suffered, from feeling like nobody really understands me. i’ve always felt like i was someone who was constantly mistaken for an entirely different person. i always feel like i don’t “fit”. i don’t fit around friends.. i don’t fit around family.. i don’t make sense at social gatherings.. i don’t feel at home in my own home. i think a lot of these feelings have come up, from time to time, because i’ve never really known my true identity. all i’ve ever known myself to be is someone that everyone clings to. and not in a “she’s the life of the party” kind of way, but more so, “she’s the person to get advice from” way. and although.. this may sound selfish, sometimes i wish i had someone like me. i wish i had someone who was willing to help solve my problems before solving their own. as i’m typing, i’m starting to cry again. and i’m crying because i don’t know when exactly this will end. or if this discomfort is how i’m meant to live life. maybe this is just the life of an empathic. maybe when i started asking god to “use” me, i signed up for this. the truth is, 2016 should have been the best year of my life. i released a book that hit the best sellers list, i bought my dog that brings an unlimited source of awe to my life, i signed a major publishing deal, i moved out of my parents house and into a new home, i lost friends that never clapped for me, and gained friends who’ve been there for me in every way since, i built this whole “brand” into something much bigger than i ever expected myself to, i found out i was cancer free, i promise the list could continue on. but depression got in the way. of everything. i never once celebrated myself. i never once intervened, and took control. i never even thought to. i felt like whatever i was going through.. i was supposed to. and still.. i’m not sure the reasoning.. i just kept living with a kind of sadness i have yet to find a name for. instead of focusing on all of the goodness that god was placing in my life, i had tunnel vision on everything that i felt was going wrong. i couldn’t see life in a positive light no matter how good things may have got. my parents split up. i was forced to move out. i lost my home base. i went, and still go, months without speaking to either one. my boyfriend was dealing with an ex who continuously threatened to take her life at the account of us being together. all i wanted to do was help her. but couldn’t. i had a new life to take care of, when i could barely take care of my own self. i lost all my friends. literally, every single one. i never ever could leave the house because of how bad my social anxiety was getting. i found out i had a fractured jaw because of the size of a tumor that was holding it in place. i found out i had a fucking tumor that could have been cancerous. i had reconstructive jaw surgery that ruined the nerve and feeling in my mouth. i could not eat or sleep or talk straight for months. i’m still dealing with the pain. i was consistently working and doing interviews right after my surgery. i was and am still extremely exhausted from this. i never properly allowed myself to rest or heal. i started working with a team that could not fully ever understand me which only added to my frustration, loneliness, and sadness. and again, THIS LIST could go on. but more than anything. i was bullied. as my brand kept getting bigger, i was bullied more. and more. and i couldn’t understand how my work, trying to help and heal people, could bring in such negative responses. i couldn’t understand why there were people who were so eager to tear me apart, they would start to attack my image. everyday people attack the way i look and sound. and this kind of bullying brought back a lot of old feelings that i never dealt with as a kid. growing up i was constantly brought down and picked on because of the way i look. i was never skinny enough. or pretty enough. or i was too hairy. or my teeth were too crooked. or my hair was too nappy. or i was too dark. or i was too “black”. or i wasn’t “black enough”. now, i’m receiving - i’m too stupid or i’m too fake. my writing isn’t good enough. my writing is cliche. i look like a monkey. and so on. and so forth. and as i’m typing these things.. i find myself giggling a bit, wondering why i even allow these things to bother me. but truthfully, all negativity from outside sources bothers me. no matter what form it comes in. i always question, “what have i done to deserve this?” and although i often ignore these nasty comments, i’ve realized i harbor the feelings i receive when i see these comments. embarrassment. frustration. confusion. hurt. disappointment. betrayal. i let these statements affect me to the point where i’m starting to silence my voice. i’m starting to be more afraid to speak up for myself. the thought of confrontation makes me nervous. the thought of even receiving any awful comments makes my stomach flip. so i won’t say anything at all. i’ll keep everything to myself if it’ll keep the mean people and their nasty opinions away. but i’m trying to break out of this. i really am. i’m trying to be more understanding of the way people work. i know.. that the way we treat people is a reflection of the way we treat or view ourselves. meaning.. those who are willing to go out of their way to attack a person for absolutely no reason, ultimately feel that they need to. either because, they don’t have enough love for themselves, to be consumed within themselves and their own positivity, or, simply, they hate themselves just as much as they hate me. and not personally, but mainly, their views of life are formed in a negative and hateful way.. more often than not. idk.. maybe i’m getting too ahead of myself. or maybe i make sense and i’m afraid no one will understand it. lol. but anyway. idk. i’m just glad i got to get these things off my chest because i feel like my readers.. and supporters.. or those who just fuck with me, for whichever reason.. are always looking forward to hearing from me. and i’m trying to, again, be more accepting of the fact that not everyone is going to always like my shit. my writing. my poetry. my points of view. my ideas. and that’s okay. that doesn’t make me any less of an artist or woman or idealist.. and that doesn’t make whomever else any less than either. i’m thankful. for these moments of clarity because they really ground me and put me back in my place. i get to reflect on how i’ve sabotaged my own life.. and i pray that god help me heal from it. the reality of this all is.. i’m my own worse enemy. and i have been.. for most of my life. and i know this because i would have never ever allowed myself to go through all the hardships that i did. i would have never allowed myself to not only deal with half the people i’ve dealt with - but also.. i wouldn’t have allowed myself to be as affected by negativity as i was. all i was doing, and all i’ve been doing, is place energy in places and spaces that my energy was never meant to be. 2016 was the ending. i firmly believe this because there is always a storm before a sunny day. there were times last year when i thought i was out of touch with myself and i couldn’t hear god as clearly as i’m used to.. but really.. s/he was with me all along. guiding me to this place i’m in now. this place of - understanding, acceptance, and gratitude. i’m finally understanding that sometimes we go through shit. sometimes a lot of shit. but what we go through doesn’t define us. it shapes us into the people that we’re ultimately meant to be. stronger. wiser. and happier.. if anything. i’m finally accepting that some things, many things, are out of our control. but we have much more control than we think. the way we react to life will result in our karma. we can choose how to react and ultimately this will help affect all of our situations moving forward. i’m also learning to accept people as they are. everyone will do as they please. and not everyone will be considerate of mine, or anyone else’s, feelings. in knowing this, i have to constantly remind myself to not take anything personal. the longer i feed into other peoples negativity, the longer i’ll be miserable. misery is the result of not fully understanding or not fully having control over certain situations. but the more intuitive we are.. the easier it will be to keep away from misery. and finally.. i’m grateful for the one friend i had all along.. whom i never give enough credit to. my best friend and boyfriend. every single tear that came strolling down my cheek.. he was always here to help wipe and then uplift me. the more silence i become the more he encourages me to speak. even if he, himself, doesn’t fully understand. i’m grateful to god for showing up in all forms. people. places. numbers. symbols. etc. i cannot be anymore thankful for my relationship with god. for not only helping me get through one of the best/worst years of my life.. but also.. for giving me the strength to open up about it. knowing.. that everyone’s perception of me is that i’ve “got it all together.”
—  Reyna Biddy
Hearts Don’t Break Around Here l Shawn Mendes Imagine

prompt: (y/n) and Shawn decide to end their relationship and Aaliyah is there for her brother.

Originally posted by bookswift

Shawn liked driving.

It was like he could forget about everything while driving and listening to his favorite tunes, whether it was a cloudy day listening to John Mayer or a perfect sunny day where he turned on the volume at its max and didn’t give a crap about what was going on outside the doors of his Jeep.

But this time was different; the inside of his car was eerily quiet, the only audible thing was his breaths. It didn’t feel like he was actually driving, his eyes couldn’t process the streets or the lights flashing in front of him.

All that was in his mind was tears, yelling and the awful feeling of his heart breaking.

Keep reading

A-Z book recs

Inspired by @macrolit :)

A - Albertine Disparue, Marcel Proust: The Fugitive, penultimate book of La Recherche, and among Proust’s best work.

B - Berezina, Sylvain Tesson: 200 years later, Tesson and his friends decide to follow the steps of Napoleon’s army from Moscow to Paris. Both funny and poignant at the same time.

C - Chartreuse de Parme, La, Stendhal (The Charterhouse of Parma): somewhat similar to The Red and the Black, but set in Italy, and even better.

D - Doctor Zhivago, Boris Pasternak: my favourite Russian novel, probably. Tragic, epic, sad. Perfect.

E - Eugene Onegin, Alexander Pushkin: forget it, this is my favourite Russian novel. Tragic, epic, sad. Perfect.

F - Flucht nach Oben, Annemarie Schwarzenbach: Schwarzenbach may be better known for her non-fiction work, but this novel is one of her most amazing pieces of writing.

G - Giovanni’s Room, James Baldwin: everything has already been said about this book. What can I add? Read it.

H - Have his Carcase, Dorothy L. Sayers: one of my favourite detective novels, (my very favourite being Gaudy Night, of course.) If you haven’t read Sayers yet, please do. She’s too wonderful for words.

I - Immoraliste, L’, André Gide: the story of Michel, a Frenchman confronted to his homosexuality in the 1900s. Read it for Gide’s incredible writing and stunning descriptions.

J - Jean de Florette, Marcel Pagnol: a small Provencal village torn apart by the arrival of Jean de Florette, a city man who wants to settle down in a farm in ruins. One of Pagnol’s best works.

K - K, Le, Dino Buzzati: a short story collection. Not among my favourites, but the only book I could think of for this letter.

L - Liaisons Dangereuses, Les, Choderlos de Laclos: forget the Stephen Frears movie, the book is way better. 

M - Maurice, E. M. Forster: one of my favourite authors. One of my favourite books.

N - Nuit sera calme, La, Romain Gary: a long interview between Gary and one of his childhood friends. A must to understand Gary and his work.

O - Other Voices, Other Rooms, Truman Capote: Capote is at his best when he talks about the South, and his first novel remains one of his finest.

P - Price of Salt, The, Patricia Highsmith: once again, forget the movie. The book is way better.

Q - Quatrième Mur, Le, Sorj Chalandon: not translated in English, Le Quatrième Mur is a pretty good novel about theatre, war, and love.

R - Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier: “Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again.” Need I say more? 

S - Sido, Colette: Colette at her very best. A tribute to her mother and her childhood. 

T - Tender is the Night, F. Scott Fitzgerald: maybe not the best of Fitzgerald’s novels, but my favourite. I re-read it every year, and love it a little more each time.

U - Ungeduld der Herzens, Stefan Zweig (Beware of Pity): ah, Zweig. The more I read his books, the more I love him. Beware of Pity remains one of my favourites.

V - Vie, Une, Guy de Maupassant (A Woman’s Life): Maupassant’s realism can be harsh at times, but it’s always beautiful. A wonderfully written, heart-wrenching book.

W - Wendepunkt, Der, Klaus Mann (The Turning Point): Klaus Mann’s autobiography, from his childhood and teenage years to his exile, first in Europe, then in the US. Beautiful, illuminating, and heartbreaking.

X - I tried and tried but couldn’t find something for this one!

Y - Years, The, Virginia Woolf: not her best, but still wonderful.

Z - Zauberberg, Der, Thomas Mann (The Magic Mountain): one of the best novels I’ve ever read. Wunderbar.

What, The Devil? (Essay by High Preist Peter H Gilmore)

Satanism is not Devil worship. That comes as a shock to many who haven’t explored our philosophy and it is the prime misconception outsiders have regarding the Church of Satan. Our founder Anton Szandor LaVey asserted this stance from the beginning. Over the years, individuals with the need to feel embraced by a deity have claimed that Dr. LaVey somehow came to believe in a literal Satan. If we examine his work, it is clear that he never changed his mind about this, nor was belief in the Devil ever some secret “inner circle” practice of the Church of Satan.


We Satanists understand that both truth and fantasy are needed by the human animal. It is a step towards wisdom when one knows with certainty which is which. Man relies on symbolism and metaphor when building a personal conceptual framework for understanding the universe in which he lives. He has always invented his own gods using his carnal brain. From The Satanic Bible: “Man has always created his gods, rather than his gods creating him.” However, this act of creation is usually denied. History shows that the founders of religions claimed personal contact with the deity fabricated through their imaginations, and legions of followers bolstered that fiction. There is nothing wrong with fantasy, so long as an individual knows he is using this controlled self-delusion as a tool for dealing with existence. For we skeptical, pragmatic Satanists, it is wielded in the ritual chamber. Reliance on fantastic constructs becomes dangerous when the believers in spiritual religions dogmatically insist that their personal or collective fantasies are real in the world at large, that they are the only absolute truth, and then wait for the myth to guide them or try to force others to share this delusion. That has been the source for countless wars, as any student of history can see.


Dr. LaVey’s seminal book, The Satanic Bible published in 1969 lays out some basic principles:


The Satanist realizes that man, and the action and reaction of the universe, is responsible for everything, and doesn’t mislead himself into thinking that someone cares.


Is it not more sensible to worship a god that he, himself, has created, in accordance with his own emotional needs—one that best represents the very carnal and physical being that has the idea-power to invent a god in the first place?


From a 1986 interview with Walter Harrington of The Washington Post:


“Satan is a symbol, nothing more,” LaVey says. “Satan signifies our love of the worldly and our rejection of the pallid, ineffectual image of Christ on the cross.”


Accepting the axiomatic premise that no gods exist as independent supernatural entities means that Satanists are de facto atheists. We know that the objective universe is indifferent to us. Since our philosophy is self-centered, each Satanist sees himself as the most important person in his life. Each individual thus generates his own hierarchy of values and judges everything based on his own standards. Therefore, we Satanists appoint ourselves as the “Gods” in our subjective universes. That doesn’t mean we think we have the powers of a mythological deity, but it does mean that we revere the creative capacity in our species. So to distinguish ourselves from the atheists who simply reject God as non-existent, we call ourselves “I-theists,” with our own healthy ego as the center of our perspective. This is truly a blasphemous concept that flies in the face of just about every other religion, and it is why Satan serves us well as a symbol. He was described as the prideful one, refusing to bow to Jehovah. He is the one who questions authority, seeking liberty beyond the stultifying realm of Heaven. He is the figure championed by the likes of Mark Twain, Milton, and Byron as the independent critic who heroically stands on his own.


Dr. LaVey made his most detailed presentation of his concept for how Satan functions in his philosophy in the following monologue that appeared in Jack Fritscher’s book Popular Witchcraft, published in 1973.


I don’t feel that raising the devil in an anthropomorphic sense is quite as feasible as theologians or metaphysicians would like to think. I have felt His presence but only as an exteriorized extension of my own potential, as an alter-ego or evolved concept that I have been able to exteriorize. With a full awareness, I can communicate with this semblance, this creature, this demon, this personification that I see in the eyes of the symbol of Satan—the goat of Mendes—as I commune with it before the altar. None of these is anything more than a mirror image of that potential I perceive in myself.


I have this awareness that the objectification is in accord with my own ego. I’m not deluding myself that I’m calling something that is disassociated or exteriorized from myself the godhead. This Force is not a controlling factor that I have no control over. The Satanic principle is that man willfully controls his destiny; if he doesn’t, some other man—a lot smarter than he is—will. Satan is, therefore, an extension of one’s psyche or volitional essence, so that that extension can sometimes converse and give directives through the self in a way that thinking of the self as a single unit cannot. In this way it does help to depict in an externalized way the Devil per se. The purpose is to have something of an idolatrous, objective nature to commune with. However, man has connection, contact, control. This notion of an exteriorized God-Satan is not new.


The approach outlined here, of consciously creating an exteriorization of the self with which one communes solely in ritual, is a revolutionary religious concept of LaVey’s Satanism, and it is a “third side” approach which proves elusive to many to whom it does not come naturally. It is a psychological sleight-of-mind, not a form of faith. It establishes that to the Satanist in ritual, he is Satan.


To be fair, people attending workings of LaVey’s bombastic and theatrical rites might not be able to separate the shouting of “Hail Satan!” while in the ritual chamber with the disbelief in any external gods outside of the chamber. But then, Satanism isn’t meant for everybody. When asked if there is an upcoming volume Satanism for Dummies, we reply: “Satanism is NOT intended for dummies.” As he said in The Satanic Bible and often in interviews: “Satanism demands study—NOT worship.” The capacity to think is expected of Satanists. So LaVey expected those who embraced his philosophy to understand where to draw the line between the fantastic and the real. He proclaimed that he was a showman, and felt that his Satanists would not be rubes, mistaking the mummery for reality. As a carnie, he knew how to entertain, to draw attention so that he could then present more serious ideas. Some might sneer at his methodology, dismissing his deeper cogitations because of the circus-like elements. However, I believe a case can be made that all religions are in the “show business,” but the Church of Satan is the only one honest enough to admit it.


In an interview released on an LP called The Occult Explosion from 1973, Dr. LaVey explained how the Church of Satan deals with different concepts of Satan:


“Satan” is, to us, a symbol rather than an anthropomorphic being, although many members of the Church of Satan who are mystically inclined would prefer to think of Satan in a very real, anthropomorphic way. Of course, we do not discourage this, because we realize that to many individuals a picture, a well-wrought picture of their mentor or their tutelary divinity is very important for them to conceptualize ritualistically. However, Satan symbolically is the teacher: the informer of the whys and the wherefores of the world. And in answer to those who would label us “Devil worshippers” or be very quick to assume us to be Satan worshippers, I must say that Satan demands study, not worship, in its truest symbology.


We do not grovel; we do not get down on our knees, genuflect, and worship Satan. We do not plead, we do not implore that Satan give us what we wish. We feel that anyone who is going to be blessed by any god of his choice is going to have to show that god that he is capable of taking care of the blessings that are received.


Thus he advocates creating a god-symbol based on one’s own needs and aesthetic choices. Creative fantasy is employed for emotional fulfillment, experienced in the context of the ritual chamber. Satanists see Satan as their proper symbol to fulfill those needs, a magnification of the best within each of us.


Additionally, LaVey speculated on the idea that when attempting Greater Magic, it may be that the operator is tapping into a force that is part of nature to magnify his “Will.” This force is hidden, unknown, and thus “dark.” But LaVey did not view the force as a supernatural entity. In The Satanic Bible he originally explained “the Satanist simply accepts the definition (of God) which suits him best.” He closely follows that with the definition he uses:


To the Satanist “God”—by what-ever name he is called, or by no name at all—is seen as the balancing factor in nature, and not as being concerned with suffering. This powerful force which permeates and balances the universe is far too impersonal to care about the happiness or misery of flesh-and-blood creatures on this ball of dirt upon which we live.


LaVey clearly posits a disinterested, remote force—not a personality or entity—that balances the universe. He sees it as indifferent to life forms, much as any other force such as gravity would be. It is a mechanism, not a personage. It does not merit obeisance, appeasement, or worship. It can be named or not. It operates without awareness of conscious beings. He spoke of this to Burton Wolfe who wrote in the introduction to The Satanic Bible:


Of course LaVey pointed out to anyone who would listen that the Devil to him and his followers was not the stereotyped fellow cloaked in red garb, with horns, tail and pitchfork, but rather the dark forces in nature that human beings are just beginning to fathom. How did LaVey square that explanation with his own appearance at times in black cowl with horns? He replied: “People need ritual, with symbols such as those you find in baseball games or church services or wars, as vehicles for expending emotions they can’t release or even understand on their own.”


So LaVey accepted that there may be currently unexplained elements of the universe that are part of its fabric, but these are not supernatural. He suggests that Man’s inquiring mind may eventually come to understand how they function. The implications of these ideas offer great freedom. Since there is no actual deity watching over or mandating the behavior of our species, men are free to imagine whatever sort of God they choose to satisfy their own needs, however they should not forget that such fantasies are only that—nothing more.


In that same passage, he also addressed the prime reason for engaging in ritual, which he defined as Greater Magic: it serves as a means for releasing pent-up emotions that people may not even fully understand. Hence ritual has a psychological purpose; it is clearly not meant as a means for worship of some supernatural entity. Ritual is demonstrably part of human culture. LaVey knew that it served a value for people over the millennia, even if it was done for reasons that didn’t square with reality. It made people feel better than they did beforehand. So, as he continued in The Satanic Bible when addressing the search for a proper religion: “If he accepts himself, but recognizes that ritual and ceremony are the important devices that his invented religions have utilized to sustain his faith in a lie, then it is the SAME FORM OF RITUAL that will sustain his faith in the truth—the primitive pageantry that will give his awareness of his own majestic being added substance.” Thus the device of ritual, which he explained as “controlled self delusion,” can be of practical use for the well being of one’s state of mind. The truth referred to above is that all gods are an invention of the creative beast called Man.


To summarize a typical individual’s journey from observing reality to declaring himself a Satanist, let us list several assertions:


Nature encompasses all that exists. There is nothing supernatural in Nature.

The spiritual is an illusion. I am utterly carnal.

Reason is my tool for cognition making faith anathema. I question all things. I am a skeptic.

I do not accept false dichotomies, finding instead the “third side” which brings me closest to understanding the mysteries of existence.

The universe is neither benevolent nor malevolent; it is indifferent.

There are no Gods. I am an atheist.

There is no intrinsic purpose to life beyond biological imperatives. I thus determine my own life’s meaning.

I decide what is of value. I am my own highest value therefore I am my own God. I am an I-theist.

Good is that which benefits me and promotes that which I hold in esteem.

Evil is that which harms me and hinders that which I cherish.

I live to maximize the Good for myself and those I value. At all times I remain in control of my pursuit of pleasure. I am an Epicurean.

Merit determines my criteria for the judgment of myself and others. I judge and am prepared to be judged.

I seek a just outcome in my exchanges with those around me. I thus will do unto others as I would prefer they do unto me. However, if they treat me poorly, I shall return that behavior in like degree.

I grasp the human need for symbols as a means for distillation of complex thought structures.

The symbol that best exemplifies my nature as an aware beast is Satan, the avatar of carnality, justice, and self-determination.

I see myself reflected in the philosophy created by Anton Szandor LaVey.

I am proud to call myself a Satanist.

These ideas fundamental to Satanists serve as an earthy foundation that we find deeply liberating and a welcome acceptance of ourselves as human animals. For the type of person who feels the need for an external supernatural parental figure, the responsibility for self-determination explicit in this path would be terrifying. For the Satanist, belief in any actual God or Devil to which one would be beholden is repugnant and stultifying. We “agree to disagree” with those who are spiritually oriented concerning our different approaches to living, hence our advocacy of pluralism in society. We Satanists know that our way is not for everyone. We simply ask that others follow their own path and allow us to be as we are.


But please, all of you believers, understand that we are not simply your “flip side.” We are not Devil-worshippers. We are simply carnal self-worshippers looking to enjoy our lives to the fullest. May you find bliss in your serving of your chosen deity. We certainly will!

Bibia Be Ye Ye

A/N: someone asked for another Sebastian x reader but I lost it in my inbox but this one is for you babeee!!! xxxxxx

Originally posted by captaincentenarian

You watched from backstage as Sebastian sat talking to the interviewer about various projects he had been working on. 

A grin stretched across your face as he mentioned you, talking about how much he adores you. “How long?” The interviewer asked, and you still hadn’t gotten use to the general public knowing about you. 

“Oh gosh, nearly 2 years this April.” He smiled, his eyes brightening with every word. “Well let me know if it doesn’t work out, kay?” the interviewer joked, sending Sebastian a wink. 

The audience laughed and you couldn’t help but feel a hole in the pit of your stomach as she said that. Of course, she was a comedian and you knew that it was irrational to think that it was anything more than a joke, but it still stung. 

“I don’t think she’s going anywhere.” Sebastian said, chuckling under his breath. You crossed your arms, Sebastian’s dressing room suddenly seeming a lot smaller than it was a few moments ago. 

The interview continued and you still thought about that one comment. One single comment, and you felt jealously course through your veins. 

It ended and you watched as the cameras switched to a wide angel and the interviewer pressed a small kiss to Sebastian’s cheek. 

“Jesus fucking christ.” You groaned, closing your eyes and sighing as the television went black. 

Of course the interviewer was gorgeous, her long black hair and ivory skin filling you to the brim with envy. You rubbed your temples and attempted to ignore the headache coming on. 

Sebastian was quick to rush into the room, high off of adrenaline and sweaty from the stage lights. 

“Hello baby.” He pressed a kiss to your cheek, which you welcomed but felt a bit of nausea accompany it. “Hi.” you cooed back, swallowing your pride and deciding to ignore your jealousy. 

“What’d ya think?” He asked, sitting next to you. “Great, as usual babe.” You smiled, kissing his lips and standing up. “You gonna shower?” 

He nodded, following his usual routine and undressing before hopping into the shower. You heard him humming softly as you looked into the mirror, picking apart your image for what seemed like that thousandth time, wondering if you were good enough. 

You couldn’t understand why he was with you. He said he loved you, he stayed by you with everything and he was excited when he saw you. But, your brain wouldn’t let you believe it. 

You never spoke about your insecurities in front of him because once you thought about saying it outloud, it all just sounded a bit silly. 

Despite how silly it may seem, it still bothered you. A lot. 

“Hey darlin’,” Sebastian poked his head out of the curtain, “why don’t you join me today?” 

You met his eyes, swallowing back more nausea and lifting your shirt over your head. He smiled, watching you climb into the shower and holding your hand so you don’t fall. 

He moved you underneath the water, the warmth enveloping your body as he looked down at you with a grin. 

Your bottom lip trembled as you had a weak smile stretch across your face. 

Concern washed over Sebastian’s face, his hair dripping as you felt a quiet sob fall from your lips. 

Sometimes you just felt like you weren’t enough, and seeing Sebastian standing in front of you with so much admiration, you couldn’t help but feel like you didn’t deserve it. 

He wrapped his arms around your shoulder, skin to skin contact nearly calming you but you still felt anxiety bubble up. 

“What’s the matter?” He murmured, rubbing the lower half of your back soothingly. 

A tear slipped down your face and quickly mixed in with the water that fell from the shower head. “I’m just- you could do so much better.” you whispered, your head on his chest. 

“I did not just hear you say that.” Sebastian said, hugging you tightly between his arms. You loosely hung on him, your arms on his waist as you cried softly. 

“You listen to me,” Sebastian pulled away and met eyes with you, watching as your tears mixed with the water from the shower head, “you are the most gorgeous person I have ever met. Ever. I love you more than anything and you know that.” 

In his attempts to brighten your mood, you could only think about how easily he could act and say the words without actually meaning them. “B- but, you have girls lusting after you. You could have anyone you want in the world. Just- why me?” 

Voicing your frustrations has never been easy. 

“I only want you.” 

“Damn it, Sebastian! Why? That interviewer was practically panting through out the whole thing yet you come back to this mess?” you gestured to your face, which now had mascara stricken cheeks and bloodshot eyes. 

“You don’t seem to understand,” Sebastian whispered, wiping away your tears and holding your face between his hands, “I want you. Especially when you have runny make up or messy hair.” 

He took your silence as an opportunity to speak more, “You are the love of my life.” 

You scoffed, ending it in a laugh as you looked up at him, “Why?” 

“Why not?” he pressed a kiss to your cheek, “because your laugh makes me smile. Your hair smells amazing, and you look great in my t-shirts. Hell, even my mom loves you.” 

You smiled softly, “Is that it?” 

“I could keep going, or I could do this.” He was quick to pick you up and press your back against the wall of the shower. You giggled, allowing him to capture your lips with his and run your hands through his hair. 

His hands held your thighs and you felt the water run over both of your bodies. To say your insecurities had diminished completely would be an overstatement, but Sebastian certainly has a way with words that eased your anxiety slightly. It also helped that he had his hands on your body. 

A knock sounded on the door which tore you out of your bliss. 

“Sebastian, you’ve got to get to the Fallon studios soon!” Sebastian’s manager sounded, his voice gruff with annoyance. Sebastian poked his head out of the curtain and nodded, “Will be out in a second.” 

You poked your head out from beneath him, a sly smile on your face as you watched his manager’s face go red, “Maybe two seconds.” 

Without another glance, Sebastian pulled you back into the shower and pressed his lips hard against yours. 

You were feeling better, to say the least.

I’ll Carry You With Me

Tyler Joseph x Reader fic

AN: So, apparently I like to write long ass fics. Anyway, here’s a fluffy one with Tyler as a sort of soulmate AU- thing. 

Warnings: None.

Originally posted by joshssun

Open your eyes, you don’t have much time.

I let out a groggy groan and stretched my limbs, releasing the tightness that had occurred during the night. 

I don’t want to do today,  I replied to the voice in my mind. 

I know….but you have to try. 

I moaned in protest, burring my face in my pillows and tangling my limbs within my blankets. 

Shall I sing to you? Will that help? he asked, his voice soft and tender. 

I didn’t reply, but he must have felt what I felt because he began to sing in my mind. After listening for a moment, I tumbled from my bed and began to dress.

I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but I started hearing this voice about a year ago. At first I thought I was crazy, and he thought he was too. But we assured each other that we were real people, though we never shared our names, as if that were too personal. He said that he could hear my voice and feel my emotions in his mind too, just like I felt him. Some weird connection that we didn’t fully understand. But it was happening, it was real, so we just kind of accepted it. 

We didn’t tell anyone else about it, knowing they would think we were schizophrenic or that we needed to be looked at by a doctor. But it wasn’t like that. It was something else entirely. 

His voice lifted my spirits up, the song was soft and mellow. This was one of my favorites to wake up to. He said it was called “Before You Start Your Day,” and that he wrote it a long time ago. It was fitting.

He wrote his own music, and told me that he played in a band. Apparently, he sang this song along with his piano, but I could only hear his voice. I often wondered what the piano accompaniment would sound like, and lamented to him about it. He assured me though, that one day, we would be able to meet, and he would play and sing for me as much as I wanted. 

When he finished his song, I was dressed and ready to go. 

Thank you. That was beautiful. 

You’re more than welcome. You’re going to do amazing today. 

Promise?

Promise. 

We both fell silent, though the gentle tug of our connection was still there. It was easy to push it to the back of my mind so that I could focus on my day. But I took comfort in knowing that it was there, that he was with me. 


“I’m sorry, you just don’t have the qualifications that we’re looking for.”

“I understand, thank you for your time.” I shook the woman’s hand and left the room, fighting to hold back my tears. Another failed interview. How could two years experience be a qualification for an entry level position? 

I reached my car and let myself cry in frustration. I had really wanted this one. It would have solved my financial problems, and the work seemed enjoyable too. 

Keep reading

3.5/5 Stars.

“He wished to be unconditionally alone, exiled to an island of his own creation, an uncontacted tribe of one.”

In 1986, 20-year-old Christopher Knight drove his car to the edge of a forest in rural Maine, abandoned it by the side of the road, and disappeared into the woods for 27 years.

In 2013 he was arrested while burglarizing a local camp. It turns out he had burglarized homes and camps in the area thousands of times over the years for food and supplies. To locals, he was a bit of an urban legend: everyone knew he was out there, but no one had ever seen him.

I remember reading a GQ article about Knight a few years ago and being fascinated by his story. This book, by the same writer of that article, digs even deeper.

It’s a compelling account of one man’s fascinating life, with insights into Knight himself alongside more general psychological insights into the nature of solitude.

There’s a sense of moral grey area surrounding Knight: folks in the community are torn on whether they respect or despise him. Some wish for him to be released from prison so he can retreat to the woods, claiming that he never hurt anyone. Others, frequent victims of his burglaries, speak of feeling violated and terrorized by his crimes. Even the prosecutor admits that the law isn’t set up for outlier cases like this.

I imagine that most readers will fall on the side of empathizing with Knight. There’s a universality about his story in spite of how unique it is: he, like all of us, only wanted contentment.

As interesting as it was, I had a distinct feeling throughout that I shouldn’t be reading it. I felt as if I were intruding on Knight. And despite him allegedly giving the writer explicit permission to write this book, I’m not convinced that’s what he really wanted. Of course, this could be me projecting onto Knight.

And that’s perhaps the most interesting about all of this: there’s an intense desire to understand Knight—by both the writer and us readers—but an underlying feeling that he can’t and doesn’t want to be understood. There’s a coy secrecy about him; in interviews he’s clever, droll, reticent, and immensely intelligent. Maybe he gave the book his blessing because he knew that although it appeared to reveal so much about him, it actually revealed very little about who he really is.

There I go projecting again.

anonymous asked:

Okay but why would you and how would you go about doing that considering she’s dead?

i really don’t understand people saying “oh she’s dead” like this isn’t a bullshit comic book show like the only reason and i have sources on this that e1 laurel is still dead is because marc guggenheim is really pissed everyone at DC got mad at him for killing her, and that dan didio let all the DC writers say all this anti Arrow stuff in interviews. There’s no reason for her to still be dead except marc is mad that everyone hates him.

it’s fucking comics. she could walk in and someone could be like “wait didnt you die?” and she could just be like “i got better” and that would be that. her sister is on a fucking timeship and people want me to be like oh well she’s dead! like sorry marc i hate to side with dan on anything but uh, this is why this is the last thing you’ll ever get to do for DC Comics

Supergirl Comic-Con incident

First and foremost, if you already haven’t please watch the two interviews that the Supergirl cast did at comic-con.

MTV interview:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LQLU58Adtd4

TV Line interview:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TzIFGPt6eMo

MTV 1:27-1:48 Jeremy Jordan’s singing
MTV 6:13-7:55 “debunked supercorp”
TV Line 3:30-4:03 “I brought it back to reality you brought it back to singing”

The purpose of my analysis is to show that things can get twisted due to the media and that unless you watch the interviews yourself you cannot form a fact-based opinion.

Let’s start off with the infamous musical recap shall we? In the MTV interview from 1:27-1:48, Jeremy Jordan refers to how Supergirl met Lena Luthor and chanted “THEY’RE ONLY FRIENDS THEY’RE ONLY FRIENDS THEY’RE NOT GONNA GET TOGETHER THEY’RE ONLY FRIENDS”. After singing this statement, nearly EVERYONE in the room INCLUDING Katie McGrath and Odette Annable laughed.

In the same MTV interview from 6:13-7:55, Jeremy Jordan says how he “debunked SuperCorp” and Melissa says “that’s brave”. The interviewer asks Katie McGrath and Melissa Benoist if they’re caught off-guard by SuperCorp. Melissa Benoist replies that “It was surprising not what Katie and I expected to say the least”. After Melissa’s reply, Katie basically says that at the end of the day this is art and you can take from it whatever you like because there are different ways to see things. Melissa nods along in agreement. Chris then responds by saying that “Sexuality is all about others perception of yours, right? Am I right? That was sarcasm”. Jeremy Jordan then says “Hey, listen I went to musical theatre school I know all about other people’s perception of sexuality”.

In the TV Line interview from 3:30-4:03, the interviewer asks Katie and Melissa “What is it about that friendship that people just love”. Melissa and the interviewer agree that because they are a Luthor and a Super they give hope that enemies can be friends. Katie then responds by saying that other people’s perceptions do not define you it’s who you are that matters. Melissa nods along in agreement.

Now, let’s discuss the meanings behind what each person said in relation to this incident.

I’ve got a big problem with how the interviewers asked their questions. When they asked about SuperCorp’s “friendship” and whether this caught them “off guard”,
they are asking leading questions. In any government or communications related class, you will learn that a leading question is asked in order to receive a desired response. The question is biased towards a certain point of view. In asking the questions, it is implied that a romantic relationship between Kara and Lena seems absurd and illogical.
Jeremy Jordan did what a lot of actors and actresses do. He invalidated a relationship on a show and proceeded to mock people who liked the said relationship. Nothing new. Except this time this particular relationship is between two girls.
Did he intentionally mean to hurt the LGBT+ community? No. Did he exhibit internalized homophobia and use that to defend his perception of a relationship? Yes. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a self-proclaimed ally or a member of the LGBT+ community. You have internalized homophobia because of how the heteronormative standards in society have shaped your beliefs since birth. It is your responsibility to recognize your internal homophobia and actively change your instincts. Moreover, homophobia isn’t always about nasty slurs and getting kicked out of the house. Homophobia is getting uncomfortable stares when holding hands with your partner. Homophobia is a guy scoffing at the idea of ANYTHING remotely romantic or sexual with another guy.
With that mind, let’s discuss Melissa Benoist’s comment in response to the SuperCorp question in the MTV interview from 6:13-7:55. She gave the typical response that a straight person would give to the idea of a relationship between two people of the same gender. She didn’t quite understand how people saw chemistry between Kara and Lena. Did she mean to hurt the LGBT+ community? No. But should she realize that two people of the same gender falling in love isn’t something of a fantasy but something that could actually happen? Yes. It is worth noting that in the MTV interview, Katie refers to how she AND Melissa have discussed that all of this is open to interpretation. Furthermore, Melissa nods along to everything that Katie says about this in both interviews. So, she does agree with Katie about the perception thing but it does not show in her actions.
God I wish I didn’t even have to discuss this particular incident and that people could see the interview and understand how people COMPLETELY blew it out of proportion. In the MTV interview after Katie’s response about how art is open to interpretation, Chris replies WITH SARCASM that sexuality is about others perception of yours. If you need me to break it down EVEN further, Chris means the opposite of what he says. He believes, like Katie, that you can only define you.

Finally, I want to give some overall analysis of the interviews and some general musings.

When Jeremy Jordan was singing the song, nearly EVERYONE was laughing and smiling. The “shady” looks that were thrown may not have been shady. They were probably looking at the person intently to listen to what they have to say. Look at the interviews of other shows–people have that same face when listening to someone.
On the other hand, the cast members who have disrespected the LGBT+ community need to give a sincere apology to their fans. It is not up to them or any other allies to decide whether or not their comments hurt and disrespected the LGBT+ community. As discussed earlier, they need to recognize their internalized homophobia. Just because they went to a musical theatre school, it doesn’t mean they have a PHD on the LGBT+ community and sexuality.
This incident just goes to show that there is more than what meets the eye and that social media can be very deceitful. When I saw all the comments in the tags, I was forming opinions based off of nothing. But I took the time out to actually watch and analyze the interviews. But, I am able to say such things because I come from a place of privilege. I am an ally to the LGBT+ community. Thus, I cannot dictate how hurt the LGBT+ community can be because I’m not impacted by this situation. However, I can give an analysis of this situation and why people act the way they do.

I thank you if you’ve managed to read this far. I hope I have shed some new light and that my thoughts will be influential in people’s reactions to this incident.

A Perfect Storm

Pairing: Linstead
Timeline: AU to 5x01 where Erin never leaves. This also disregards the entire fiasco after 4x16, so Jay never moved out, and he doesn’t have a wife, and basically yeah I’m erasing that horrible storyline because I can. Also because of that, Voight never broke up Linstead as partners, Jay stopped Erin from going in with the gun, and voila, nobody got in trouble. #ThePowerOfFanon
Genre: Hurt/Comfort.
Rating: G

A/N: This is for the anon who requested it, and for everyone else who needed this as much as I did.

I’ve been playing with the idea of rewriting all the episodes this way, keeping the canon storyline, with the exception of Erin still being there. I’ve gotten some very enthusiastic response already, and I can’t thank you all enough for that. I love you guys.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I saw a interview with owl players saying they all would remove mercy because "she has no place in a skill based shooter" do you think that could be the reason blizzard keeps nerfing her?

I’m sure their opinions are taken into account, but I don’t think they are the only reason she’s getting a nerf. 

Everyone just seems really uncomfortable with the rez. I don’t really understand the rez-hate because all the PvP games I’ve always played have had characters with that ability. Does it undo your hard work? Of course. But not if you’re careful. Kill Mercy first, lure the hero you want to kill somewhere where they can’t be rezzed…. etc, etc.

I personally thought Mercy was fine with her original kit - she didn’t have a 97% pick rate (in fact, wasn’t it under 50%?) and everyone was pretty happy with her. She was situationally useful on certain maps and with Pharah. 

I understand their reasoning behind switching her up (to stop hide and rez), but honestly I didn’t think it was a big deal anyway. 

*shrug*

“All the love’s still there I just don’t know what to do with now”

Originally posted by allthingssvt

You were surprised when Wonwoo called you, it had been months since you’d heard from any of the guys.

You sat on the park bench, waiting for him to arrive.  You were confused as to why he wanted to meet with you at all, let alone without anyone else present.

You were pulled from your thoughts by a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“Hey Y/N.” he said, sitting next to you.

“Wonwoo.” you said, nodding your head towards him.

Your guard has been up since you saw his name flash across your phone.  Things between you and Mingyu had ended very abruptly, and not only did you lose him, you lost the rest of the guys.  It effectively left you completely alone.

“How – uh, how have you been?” he asked, feeling as awkward as you did.

“Well, I’ve been better, but I guess I’m fine. But I gotta ask, what are we doing here Wonwoo? I haven’t heard from anyone in months, and you just call me out of the blue and want to meet up.” you said, getting right to the point.

“I’m sorry. We’re all sorry.” he said, turning his body towards you.

“I might have believed that, three months ago, but now? Not so much.” you said, refusing to meet his eye.

“I understand, but I wish you’d believe me.” he said earnestly.

“Again, Wonwoo, what are we doing here?” you asked, patience wearing thin.

“It’s- it’s about Mingyu” Wonwoo rushed out.

“What about Mingyu?! Is he okay? Is he hurt?” you asked, growing frantic.

“Physically, he’s fine.  Emotionally? He’s doing terrible.”

“Ah, I get what this is. He made a mistake right? He’s sorry, right? He feels terrible, and horrible and doesn’t know what to do with himself, right? Sorry, but that’s just too bad. He made his choice.  And for him to send his friend to meet with his ex is pretty low, even for him.” you said, pushing yourself up off the bench.

You felt a soft hand grip your wrist tightly, stopping you in your tracks.

“It isn’t like that. He doesn’t even know I’m here, he’ll kill me when he finds out.  But I’m willing to take that chance. Haven’t you seen any of the broadcasts or shows? He’s miserable. He doesn’t do anything anymore.”

“Sorry.” you said, not sounding sorry at all. “But after you guys basically abandoned me, I quit watching your broadcasts and interviews. I hate to do it, but it’d only drive me insane to watch” you admitted, feeling kind of guilty.

“No, I understand. You must hate all of us, especially Mingyu.” Wonwoo admitted, feeling defeated.

“That’s the thing, all the love’s still there, I just don’t know what to do with it now.” you admitted, not feeling the need to hide it from him.

“Maybe you could talk to him? Even just for a minute. I can take you there now.” Wonwoo said, not wanting to let this chance slip through his fingers.

“If he were the one that made contact, I’d think about it. But he wasn’t, it was you. You don’t understand Wonwoo, he broke up with me from a different country completely out of the blue. Then had my stuff sent to my apartment via a courier. And that was the last interaction I had with any of you. So, I’m sorry, but I won’t be going with you. I understand he’s miserable, but you know what? So am I. I don’t have the same support system he does. Everyone I could have leaned on in my time of need left with him, you included” you said, feeling the hot tears falling down your face.

“I–I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to apologize enough to you for what happened.” Wonwoo said, finally letting go of your wrist.

“You don’t need to say anything, or apologize anymore. It will just make it worse when I walk away, and don’t see you again.” Being honest was the only thing you had left now.

You turned around finally looking into Wonwoo’s eyes.

You weren’t sure what hurt worse, losing your boyfriend of three years, the man you loved with your entire being; or the look on the face of Wonwoo right now.  In the three years you’d spent with Mingyu, Wonwoo had become your best friend. Seeing the pain etched deep onto his face tore at the already broken fissures of your heart.

“I’m sorry that I can’t help you, or him. Just…give him some more time. He’ll come around eventually. He’s Mingyu after all, nothing keeps him down for too long.”

“What about you?” he asked, hanging his head.

“Me? Well, I’ll be fine someday too.” you said, turning to walk away.

You stopped after a few steps, turning back towards Wonwoo.

“Take care of yourself, yeah? And, if you want, tell the guys, all of them , that I wish you nothing but the best in life.”

It wasn’t the closure you needed, but it seemed that it was the only one you’d be getting.

——-

PART 2

Anon prompt from this prompt list

*Lyric is from Stay by Mayday Parade*

My thoughts on the interview:

Amazing interview. I could listen to Darren talk about music all day long. 

I’m still awed by how honest he is about his voice. Not only does it take talent to understand your voice but it takes guts to state that you wouldn’t be able to do something or give the role/song justice. Bravo Darren. But just as Darren said in the interview “there is a difference between a having a good voice and being a good singer.” I love you and your lovely tenor voice Darren!

I enjoyed his thoughts on Going Nowhere and how that song came about. I would love to hear the moments or experiences in time each song was born out of. So interesting. And I’m a sucker for sad songs. 

What he said about Columbia Records is not a surprise and what most of us figured. He didn’t feel comfortable in the pop world. I prefer Darren’s style to pop music so yay for me. I’m glad he said he parted ways amicably with the label. 

He has a file of over 100 songs he has written in the last 15 years. OMG! AMAZING!

This record is about “playing instruments, hiring players, and having a true acoustic analogue sound.” I agree that is my favorite kind of music too! I can’t wait to listen to the entire EP over and over and over…

My thoughts on the songs:

I Don’t Mind is just gorgeous; does anyone miss “shit” instead of “things” though? 

Going Nowhere: I love this so much I can’t even express myself!!!

The Day the Dance is Over: I love it but I want to listen to it without the interview playing over the song!

Oh yeah and press tour for ACS soon!!! Woot!

“I was born deaf, and I’m a teacher of the deaf. In my family, only my sister and I are deaf. I was called to Dadaab Refugee Camp twice for interviews as I was promised to be relocated to a different country. I had difficulty finding an interpreter that could understand my language and convey my words but what was much worse was that on the first occasion that I was called to Dadaab, my mother passed away. I rushed back for her burial. The second time I was called to Dadaab for an interview, my father passed away. Since then, my grief turned into depression. I then made the conscious decision to relocate to Dadaab with my deaf sister permanently. We noticed that there were many deaf Somalis who didn’t know the sign language and there was a clear barrier between them and society. I signed up as a teacher for the deaf, and now I teach deaf children from class 1 to class 6. I teach them the Kenyan Sign Language, Mathematics and Creative Arts knowing that they will have a chance in life. I found my purpose and I’m smiling again.”

(Dadaab Refugee Camp)

“Waxaan dhashay anigoo naafo ka ah dhagaha hadana waxaan ahay macalin  caruurta  dhagoolayaasha ah. Qoyskayaga aniga iyo walaashay ayaa maqalka naafo ka ah. Aniga waxaa  dhacaday  in la iga yeeray kaamka qaxootiga ee Dhadhaab laba jeer  si  aan waraysi   la iga qaado,  balantu waxay ahayd in wadan kale aan ka helo dib-u-dejin. Markaas waxaa igu adkaatay in aan helo turjumaan fahmi kara hadalkayga isla markaana gudbin kara waxaan u sheego oo sax ah, laakiin taas waxaa kasi darayd markii kowaad aan tagay Dhadhaab in hooyaday dhimatay  kadib waxaan ku noqday  aaskeedi. Hadana markii labaad ee waraysi la igu yeero Dhadhaab waxaa igu dhacday in isla markana uu dhintay aabbahay Markaas kadib xaaladaydu waxay isku bedeshay mid murugo ah. Kadib waxaan go’aansaday aniga iyo walaashay oo iyaduna dhagaha naafo ka ah in aanu si rasmi ah ugu guurno Dhadhaab. Waxaanu  ogaanay in Soomaali badan oo  maqalka naafo ka ah ay ku noolyihiin xerada Dhadhaab, hadana waxaa jiray caqabado iyaga iyo bulshada u dhaxeeyey. Waxaan saxiixay heshiis in aan noqdo macalin wax bara caruurta dhagaha naafada ka ah inta u dhaxaysa fasalka 1-aad ilaa fasalka 6-aad waxaan baraa luqada calaamadeedka ee Kiinya iyo xisaabta iyo farshaxanka  si ay u ogadaan in ay haystaan fursad nololeed. Waan helay ujeedaydi markasta waa dhoola cadeeya waanan  ku farxaa.”

(Xerada qaxootiga ee Dhadhaab)