if it's really black

One of my favored Villainous headcanons is that, in terms of Eldritch power, Black Hat is actually incredibly weak.

He’s at the veeeeeery bottom of the social/power/who’s awesome hierarchy among his own kind. Like, to the point of being a joke. Or, if y'all want to get darker, slave material.

I mean, really, who ever heard of something Chthulhu-esque even being able to talk to people, let alone run an actual business? They rarely concern themselves with humans; it’d be like a human deciding to join ant society. Or chipmunk society. Or banana slug society.

Unless said Chthulhu-esque something was absolutely tickled to find a world where he was capable of being the most feared thing present. So he settles down, peppers human history with self-aggrandizing tragedies, eventually opens a further self-aggrandizing business, and basically becomes this obscenely big, narcissistic fish in a tiny, tiny, mortal pond.

Headcanon bonus points for this all eventually turning back ‘round to bite him: one day, Black Hat gets the pleasure of being visited by an Eldritch with *actual power* beyond gory nonsense impressive only to humans. Cue complete destruction/humiliation/pleasant amount of whump.

Extra bonus points for Flug and Demencia having to come to terms with what Black Hat *actually* is. Instead of what he’s presented himself as.

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when ppl ask why do you have three rings on ur ring finger and you’re like “I have three husbands, duh!”

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♡ happy holidays @nestha! ♡ ⟶ the marauders

Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers, are proud to present The Marauder’s Map.

SUPER LESBIAN MOVIE POST

 1.MAEDCHEN IN UNIFORM 1931

Basically a German produced 1930′s film that features a student who falls in love with her teacher. Some kissing/hugs in it. NOT A HAPPY ENDING.

Pretty good for the time period

2.THE CHILDREN’S HOUR 1961

A student tells a lie about her two female teachers and causes one of them to question her sexuality. NOT A HAPPY ENDING. 

Again good for the time period. 

3. THERESE AND ISABELLE 1968

An old woman visits her old school and reflects on a past lesbian love she had at the school. NOT A HAPPY ENDING.

4. Just the two of us 1973

A pair of housewives fall into bed together after seeing two women hold hands in a restaurant on sunset boulevard. One is a lesbian and the other is exploring. NOT A HAPPY ENDING. 

5. WINDOWS 1980

Lesbian psycho stalker. NOT A HAPPY ENDING

6. PERSONAL BEST 1980

Two young athletes engage in sexual relationship, however, one of the girls leaves and goes off to be with a man. 

7. THE HUNGER 1983

An aging vampire dumps her boyfriend for a woman. 

8. LIANNA 1983

Lianna, a naive young wife of a professor bored with her life has an affair with another woman, Ruth and when her affair becomes common knowledge, she finds herself shunned by both her friends and family. NOT A HAPPY ENDING.

9. Desert Hearts 1985

A middle aged woman in current divorcing of her husband pursues an affair with a young woman named Cay whom she meets in Reno at a ranch. HAPPY ENDING. It is worth a watch.

10. THE BERLIN AFFAIR 1985

The daughter of a Japanese ambassador has an affair with the wife of a Nazi officer. The Japanese woman ruins it by sleeping with the Nazi officer. 

11. NOVEMBER MOON 1984

November is a french/german Jew who falls in love with a french woman in Nazi-occupied France. The two women must fight to be with each other, hiding November in the rural countryside. GUYS THIS FILM IS LIKE HAPPY ENDING ISH BUT YOU WILL CRY COS SOMETHING AWFUL HAPPENS IN END WORTH THE WATCH.

12.THE INCREDIBLY TRUE ADVENTURES OF TWO GIRLS IN LOVE 1995

A young Tina Kernard from L word plays a butch Randy who falls in love with a an upper class black girl. I dont really like it, its overhyped. 

13. GO FISH 1994

Max is a young lesbian student who meets Ely, they end up at her place and, after some flirtatious conversation, they kiss. Suddenly a call comes in from Ely’s  partner Kate, with whom Ely has been in a long-distance relationship for more than two years, which puts a bit of a damper on things. Ely decides to cut off all her hair, ending up with a very short butch style. She runs into Max in a bookstore and Max almost does not recognize her. Ely and her roommate Daria throw a dinner party and, after a spirited game of I Never, Max and Ely reconnect. They make plans to go out again and then begin kissing. They have several phone conversations, in the course of which Ely reveals that she’s “sort of broken up” with Kate. They get together for a second date but they never make it out of the apartment. Max ends up trimming Ely’s fingernails. This turns into foreplay and they have sex. HAPPY ENDING.

14. LATE BLOOMERS 1996

Two women fall in love, a maths teacher and a married secretary who works in the same school. They pursue a relationship to the dismay of work colleagues and family. The two women want to marry each other aw aw aw HAPPY ENDING. This film is a bit of a flop tho

15. WHEN NIGHT IS FALLING 1995

Camille a christian professor meets Petra who is in the circus. Camille has a boyfriend however, falls in love with Petra. Happy Ending, worth the watch. 

16. BOUND 1996

Corky, a tough female ex con falls in love with Violet, the girlfriend of a mobster. Together they concoct a scheme to steal millions of stashed mob money and pin the blame on Violet’s crooked boyfriend Caesar. Happy ending for couple, its not your romantic comedy or anything but ok

17. HIGH ART

Two women fall in love, ones straight, others got a girl, its ok movie

18. FUCKING AMAL(show me love) 1998

Agnes is a depressed teenager with no friends and is in love with the popular girl Elin. After a dare to kiss Agnes, Elin discovers she is attracted to Agnes and avoids her, sleeping with a boy to convince herself otherwise. Elin realises she loves Agnes and kiss in the schools bathroom, the entire school  see them and in turn are outed. HAPPY ENDING.

19. AMIEE AND JAGUAR 1999

Based on a true story follows two women in Berlin whilst  the Gestapo is purging the capital of Jews, a dangerous love affair blossoms between two women. One of them, Lilly Wust, married and the mother of four sons, enjoys the privileges of her stature as an exemplar of Nazi motherhood. For her, this affair will be the most decisive experience of her life. For the other woman, Felice Schragenheim, a Jewess and member of the underground, their love fuels her with the hope that she will survive. BUT ITS A SAD FUCKING ENDING U WILL CRY GOOD FILM

20. BETTER THAN CHOCOLATE 

Maggie meets a young artist named Kim. They quickly develop an intense romance and move in together. However when Maggie’s mother and brother come to stay she is forced to decide between living in secret or revealing who she really is. A tale of love, acceptance, loss and pleasure.

21. GRAY MATTERS 2006

Gray falls in love with her brothers fiance after drunkenly kissing her. Gray discovers she is gay and has to find herself in this rom com. Its not a romance film as such but it is a feel good film with a lesbian protagonist, quite campsy but a great film. 

22. FINGERSMITH 2005

Complicated storyline but the premise is basically two women who fall in love in victorian england under strange circumstance. Some sweet and passionate love scenes, Happy ending. 

23. LOVING ANNABELLE 2006

Annabelle and her female teacher fall in love, resulting in the teacher being arrested. Some nice love scenes. Ending a bit meh

24. JENNYS WEDDING 2015

This film had the potential to be good, however, the characters fell flat and you were left wanting more. The film follows Jenny who is in the closet to her parents and decides to marry Kitty her partner of five years. The film is more about her parents accepting her and going to her wedding, its a good watch in terms of its gay themed, its just the lesbian couple is not rooted for as much as you would if the love was portrayed between them more, they kiss a couple of times and thats it. 

25. CONCUSSION 2013

WOW lemme just say this film is an odd one, weirdly you root for the lesbian housewife who cheats on her wife and becomes a prostitute. Its a fantastic film with well executed love scenes. Abbey, a lesbian housewife decides to become a lesbian escort as she is in a sexless marriage. WATCH IT ITS GOOD

26. THE WORLD UNSEEN 2007

Beautiful film of lesbian love. Miriam a housewife falls in love with Amina, a cafe owner in the 1950′s and in South Africa. Optimistic ending for the two. Despite no sex scene, the love between them is elicited via kisses and looks. 

27. I CANT THINK STRAIGHT 2008

Tala, a Palestinian, falls in love with Leyla a British Indian. Tala is engaged to be married and must overcome her sexuality in order to be with Leyla. HAPPY ENDING WATCH IT, ITS CORNY BUT GOOD

28. CRACKS 2009

This film is a weird one. A teacher, the sexy Eva Green is obsessed with the new Spanish girl, she rapes her in her sleep and the ending omg watch it, Its not happy but the character Eva Green portrays is fantastic. 

29. THE GIRL KING 2015

A Swedish Queen falls in love with her Lady in waiting. Good film

30. CHLOE 2009

This film is no romantic happy film but it is so raw and interestingly poignant. Chloe is hired by Catherine to seduce her husband as she believes he is cheating on her. Chloe reports back to Catherine and in a state of sadness from what Chloe says her husband did, they sleep together. Chloe becomes obsessed with Catherine, leading to a death at the end of the film omg watch it, see Amanda Seyfried have sex with Julianne Moore

31. BANDAGED 2009

Lucille disfigures her face and is bandaged until her surgeon Father can cure her. He hires a nurse, Joan, to care for Lucille in her recovery. As Lucille begins to heal, it is clear the two are falling for each other resulting in love scenes that are v niceee. The ending is happy/sad/who knows

32. ITS IN THE WATER 1997

A cheesy comedy about Alex who tests her sexuality when old high school friend Grace tells her she had an affair with another woman. The two fall in love in a town where homosexuality is a sin. Its v cheesy but what do you expect from a 1997 lesbian film. 

33. Elena Undone 2010

Elena Undone is a tad corny and low budget but the characters are well explored and little factoid for you: it has the longest onscreen kiss in history. Elena is married to a pastor but falls in love with Peyton.

34. BLOOMINGTON 2010

Its not great, its corny and a bit of a flop but some scenes get your heart racing. Classic student teacher relationship with extra cheese on top, the ending is pants as is the whole film. 

35. A PERFECT ENDING 2012

A married woman hires a female prostitute, they fall in love but one of them dies. A bit shit this film but potential to be good.

36. BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOUR 2013

People dont give this film a chance and seek out the explicit sex scene but if you invest time in the film, you will cry at the end omg. Adele and Emma fall in love, break up cos Adele is a slutty idiot, then Adele wants Emma back. 

37. IMAGINE ME AND YOU 2005

This film is never going to win Oscars, but its a good feel good lesbian film. Its cute and you will the characters to be together, corny but good. Rachel marries Heck and on her wedding day meets the florist, Luce whom she falls in love with. 

38. LOST AND DELIRIOUS 2001

Paulie and Victoria are roomates who are seemingly in love until Victoria breaks Paulies heart by sleeping with a boy, Paulie kills herself. 

39. KISS MYG 2011

Mia and Frida fall in love after meeting at their parents engagement party. Happy ending and the sex scenes in this film are wowowow

40. KISSING JESSICA STEIN 2002

Bit of a flop, jessica tries being with a woman but doesnan’t work.

41.BETWEEN TWO WOMEN 2004

Some people might see this film as a bit of a flop but personally I love it, it is set in the late 1940′s and follows a married woman who falls in love with her 10 year old sons female teacher. watch ittttt.

42. CONTRACTED 2013 

A lesbian woman is raped and contracts a deadly disease.

43. BRIDGET JONES EDGE OF REASON 2004

Just for the laughs is the sequel to Bridget Jones where the ‘bitch’ Rebecca turns out to be gay and in love with Bridget

44.THE SEA PURPLE 2009

Angela is in love with Sara but the only way to be together is if Angela becomes a man due to the time period. Its sad omg

45. CAROL 2015

BEST FILM IN THE ENTIRE WORLD WATCH IT. CAROL IS OLDER AND SEXY AND PURPOSELY LEAVES HER GLOVES SO THERESE CAN GIVE THEM HER BACK AND INVITE HER ROUND ON SUNDAYS AND MAKE HER HEART CRY AND THEN TAKE HER ON A ROAD TRIP SO THEY CAN MAKE LOVE THEN CAROL LEAVES HER AND WRITES AN EMOSH LETTER AND THERESE HATES CAROL NOW AND CAROL IS LIKE I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER TO WAIT THEN ASKS TO MEET HER IN OAK ROOM WHERE SHE TELLS HER SHE LOVES HER AND THE FEELS THEN THERESE BEFORE SHE CAN ANSWER COS SHE ACTING FUCKING STUPID GETS INTERRUPTED BY SOME DIK CALLED JACK AND THEY GO TO PARTY AND THERESE IS LIKE OMG DO I LOVE CAROL THEN SHES LIKE YES LEMME GO SEE HER AND SHE BUSTS INTO RESTAURANT AND SEES FUCKING BEAUTIFUL CATE BLANCHETT SITTING THEIR ALL FUCK ME LOVE ME WANT ME THERESE AND IM LIKE THERESE GO GET HER. very good film watch it

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S H O W N U  A S  Y O U R  B O Y F R I E N D


• the shy but cute type
• he surprises you when he’s (very) affectionate towards you in front of company or in public
• he does little things like
•  randomly squeezing your hand when you’re holding hands
• resting his hand on your thigh when you’re sitting next to him
• and
• complimenting you even if you’re in a sweatshirt and sweatpants with no makeup on because he still finds you beautiful
• carnival dates
• cafe dates
• shopping hauls mostly for you even if you don’t want to
• he loves to spoil you and watch your face light up when he gets something that he knew you wanted
• he can be cheesy at times
• with trying to act cute to get his way
• or playing the claw machine twenty times until he wins you a stuffed animal
• “i don’t wanna see you crying.”
• he’s always there to comfort you when you’re going through something
• ALWAYS
• staying at home with him is the best thing because
• you get to cuddle and bury yourself in his arms
• also because him calling you baby and every other term of endearment is lovely
• he makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world
• every time he says he “got him a foreign”
• you hit his arm because he’s already dodging and that’s always the only thing that you can get to
• “shut up!”
• you always yell
• even if you’re actually blushing* on the inside
• he also sings to you to get what he wants
• because you become putty in his hands
• every time he’s at the store, he calls you
• “you want something? i’m at the store.”
• he’s so thoughtful of you
• when he smiles it’s the cutest thing ever
•  you call him “baby face"majority of the time
• his lips are so soft and nice
• you just can’t get enough of them
• something else you can’t get enough of is how talented he is in bed
• always making the neighbors call the cops or angrily knock on the door and walls to see what’s up because he makes you scream that loud
• they hate y'all for that
• but anyways
• he pays for everything
• he won’t let you buy anything for yourself
• so even if you want a cup of ramen from the corner store across the street
• you gotta sneak
• ” icangetitmydamnselfhyunwoo!“
• he really doesn’t listen when it comes to that
• he loves you so much
• random massages
• especially butt massages
• if only you could see the grin that he grins when he gives you those
• when it’s just the two of you
• he’s a trip
• but he’s your trip
• and being with him is amazing


*blushing is a result of blood vessels near the skin dilating, which allows more blood to pass through the skin. 

for any of you who haven’t seen it, i definitely recommend the netflix show dear white people. ive seen (mostly white) people saying its just “another white liberal show blah blah” but it really isnt. its produced, written, directed etc by black people. the cast is largely poc (mostly black). it’s such a good show. it’s funny, it’s smart, it’s woke, it’s basically everything you want from a show (though there’s a bit with cheating which could have been left out….). it’s relevant, it spells everything out for (especially, clues in the title) white people. it spells everything out for un-woke people (sleeping people, i guess?? idk). the story line is great, the characters are great, it goes into much better detail than the film, and deals with a whole bucket of issues. it’s really not just “pandering to tumblr-sjw” (as i’ve seen other people saying). if you’re worried you’re not gonna like it, give it a go. if you don’t like it, leave it running in the background while you do something else like idk reading. or doing your homework. or even while your ironing your shirts. watch this show, i think you’ll really like it, and you’ll probably learn something from it. 

p.s. support black media. 
p.p.s. if you’re white and you’re getting mad at this tv show for the way it refers to white people, you’re definitely the type of person it’s targeting. listen.

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dirk gently’s holistic detective agency + text posts 1/?

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some twitter doodles to make up for the EXTREME HIATUS on the monster blog AND on this one :”)