if it's already done sorry about that

4

There is an element to this journey into the dark that I’m only now beginning to appreciate.  // What’s that? //  How good it feels.

How to Put on a Wig and Not Want to Die

Heyo!

I am here today to show you how to put on a wig and, well, not want to stab yourself in the eye afterwards. The thing with wigs, is they’re essentially like everything else in cosplay: in order to finish with a good result, you need to start with a good beginning. So, here we go.

First things first, you need your supplies:

Keep reading

30 Days of Rhett and Link: Day 1: Favorite Episode

🔅 🔅 🔅 🔅 🔅 🔅🔅

Oh boy, I definitely can’t pick a single favorite episode, I don’t think. But my top 5, in no particular order, are probably…

(Keep in mind this is only counting the main episodes. If I included More episodes, they’d be the only ones on the list lol)

1) Face Morphing Experiment
https://youtu.be/ElNm5RXlND4

I really like experiment-type episodes, and this one is super interesting- and super Rhinky. I mean, they stare into each other’s eyes in low lighting for like half the video. Come on. And the experiment actually works! 

Originally posted by rejected-on-a-cosmic-level


2) Feel & Squeal Challenge ft. Hank Green
https://youtu.be/ZTY-bdIxA1w

The speed round at the end of this one is the best. They’re hilarious together and Hank is freakishly good at it! 

Originally posted by mythical-shippings

 3) Wal-Mart Taste Test: The Game
https://youtu.be/8hUuAA60QTg

This is an oldie but SUCH a goodie. For some reason Rhett adding all the ingredients to the blender at the end gets. me. every. time. 

Originally posted by graveyard-whistler

 4) 5 Weird Ways to Start a Fire
https://youtu.be/c-vUeAXjQTw

I mean, obviously. WHAT THE CRAP, GUYS?!?!?! WHAT THE CRAP!!???!!! 

Originally posted by graveyard-whistler

 5) New Slang You Should Know (GAME)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aA7a6d_O6B4&list=PLe5IduGb-jDx-UA6tCnXuxn7xRGybCOws&index=13

Did someone say lowkey dads? I love the ridiculous explanations Rhett comes up with, and to be honest they just look really good in this ep. (The More for this one is also one of my favorites)

Originally posted by graveyard-whistler

I hope you enjoyed this list, let me know what you think of these eps and if we have any of the same favorites!

I have a full list of favorites here, which also includes my favorite GMMore episodes:
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLe5IduGb-jDx-UA6tCnXuxn7xRGybCOws


@30daysofrandl

i’m posting this in an effort to exorcise the demons:

draco malfoy losing a bet and his friends making him sing “i need a hero” at karaoke, scowling & staring firmly at the floor

harry potter, eyebrows raised and arms folded, watching

Someday Your Child May Cry

Previously: Question | Preparations | Irrational | Confession | Collateral | Thoughtless | Interrupted | Recovering | Irresponsible



10. Possibility

The second time around, Scully knows more about what’s in store, and so the side effects from the hormone shots don’t take her by surprise nearly as much. Her emotional reactions are, once again, drastically out of proportion, to be sure, but she’s expecting them to be, and somehow that makes it easier to handle.

Also making it easier on Scully is the fact that if Mulder and Diana Fowley are spending time together, they’re not doing it anywhere that Scully can see it happening. Which, since Mulder is suddenly determined to spend nearly all day every day in Scully’s presence, and calls her every evening that he’s not haunting her apartment (or keeping her at his with a very flimsy excuse of some file or other that he wants her opinion on), would have to be happening between the hours of two and five in the morning.

Mulder takes Scully out to lunch nearly every day of the week, ignoring her protests that she’s brought food to eat from home. Yogurt and bee pollen, he insists, do not constitute a fitting lunch for a potentially expectant mother. This time around, he seems to have decided to take personal charge of Scully’s nutrition and hydration. He’s forever brandishing granola bars and bottles of Gatorade in her face, and Scully might take offense at the implication that she can’t take care of herself… except that, somehow, Mulder’s sudden, constant attention to her needs is just so damn endearing.

“Do you have enough space?” he asks her in a double bed in Kroner, Kansas, after a freak tornado and a flying cow have rendered his own room uninhabitable. “I can sleep on the floor, if you need me to. Or out in the car, even.” He’s actually in the process of throwing back the blankets and climbing back out of bed, and Scully reaches out, seizing him by the wrist.

“Mulder, stay put,” she orders him sharply. “There’s plenty of room.” He hesitates briefly before sinking back onto his side of the bed with a deep sigh. She releases his wrist, but before she can withdraw her hand, Mulder captures it in his own, winding his fingers between hers. She glances over at him quizzically. “You okay, Mulder?” she asks. They’ve been forced by circumstances to share a bed while in the field on more than one occasion before, and he’s never been this jumpy.

“Yeah, fine,” he says, but he doesn’t let go of her hand. “I just… I keep thinking.” She stays silent, waiting, and after a moment, Mulder rolls to face her. “It just keeps hitting me that for all we know, you could be pregnant right at this moment.” It’s too dark for her to read his expression, but she thinks he’s smiling softly. “I know you’re trying not to think about it until you’re sure, Scully, but that’s proving just about impossible for me.”

“Really, Mulder? I couldn’t tell,” Scully says dryly. “Between your obsessive tracking of every bite of food that passes my lips and your constant questioning of whether or not I need to rest, I had no clue.”

“Sorry,” says Mulder, ducking his head sheepishly. “I just… I really want this for you, Scully.”

Her mind snags on his words like cloth on a stray nail. He wants it for her. Not for them. For a moment, she thinks that maybe this is the perfect opening for the conversation she knows they’ll have to have, if it turns out that she’s pregnant… but she’s hesitant to broach the topic before she knows for certain.

If it turns out that Mulder wants to be involved, even if it’s only partial involvement, she thinks they’ll be okay. But if he’s decided, as she fears, that he wants his donation to be the sum total of his part in this, Scully doesn’t quite trust herself to be able to hide her disappointment. Mulder will be able to tell, and with his overdeveloped sense of guilt, he will feel that he’s failed her for not being willing to provide something that she has absolutely no right to ask of him. And to be honest, Scully’s not sure their partnership could survive. 

Better to wait, she reminds herself, until either she knows for sure, or until she’s certain she’ll be able to accept any answer with a smile that’s at least genuine enough to fool Mulder. So instead of speaking, she gives his hand a gentle squeeze. He pulls their joined to his mouth and presses his lips to her knuckles tenderly, and instead of letting it go, he holds it close to his heart as his eyes close.

They fall asleep with their fingers intertwined on the mattress between them.

——————————–

Mulder had planned to give Scully her Christmas gift sometime between Christmas and New Year’s- in fact, he had planned to take her out for a nice dinner (nice enough that she could interpret it as a date, if she wanted)- but after dragging her out to a haunted house on Christmas Eve, he feels like he owes her.

Not that he doesn’t always owe her, really.

So when she shows up at his apartment door, even though she’s only got about four hours to sleep, at this point, before she’s due at her mother’s house, he decides to go ahead and give her the gift now. And, as it turns out, she’s gotten him something, as well, so it all works out in the end.

Mulder goes first, tearing the paper off of a hardcover book- Contact, by Carl Sagan. He grins widely.

“I don’t need to ask why this made you think of me, Scully,” he chuckles. He’s got a copy already, of course, but this is much nicer than his beat-up paperback. “Have you read this?”

“No,” says Scully. “But I saw the movie with my mom.” She blushes. “It made me think of you.” Mulder grins, returning his attention to the book. He flips it over, examining the illustration on the dust jacket, which is immaculate, without a single crease or tear. 

“Hey, is this a first edition?”

“Yes, it is,” says Scully. “And, uh… also….” She reaches over and opens the cover to the title page, where several lines have been scrawled in thick, black marker: 

Keep believing.
-Carl Sagan

Mulder looks up at Scully, eyes wide.

“I found it at my mother’s church, of all places,” Scully says. “They had a rummage sale in November, and this was sitting in a box of beat-up books from someone’s basement. And I know we said we weren’t exchanging gifts this year, but it just seemed too perfect to pass up.”

“It is perfect, Scully,” he says, putting an arm around her shoulder and squeezing her. “Thank you.” He puts the book on the coffee table and nods at the package she’s still holding. “I didn’t find that at a rummage sale, but I had the same thought as you when I saw it. It was too perfect to pass up.” Scully begins peeling off the wrapping paper. She sits there, silent, staring down at the object in her hands, her face unreadable. “And technically,” continues Mulder, “I kept my word not to get you anything, because it’s not really for you.” Still, Scully says nothing, and Mulder begins to get nervous. “Scully?”

“Mulder,” she says, her voice amused and hoarse with emotion, all at the same time. She holds up her gift and turns to him, eyes wide. “Where did you find this?”

“On the internet,” he says. The handle of the rattle is made from sturdy plastic, while the top is coated in a softer layer, ideal for a baby to gnaw on without hurting himself. It’s in the shape of an alien- not the classic, creepy, oval-eyed version, but a friendly, smiling alien, sprouting trumpet-shaped antennae from its head. “I know you’re nervous about tempting fate, Scully, but I just feel like one of us should be open to extreme possibilities here. And I think it’s safe to say, from past experience, that that someone is gonna be me.” Still, silence. “Scully?” Nothing. “Scully, if I’ve done wrong, I’m sorry, I just-”

It’s as far as he gets before she turns and kisses him.

It’s quick and sweet, and before he even has a chance to respond, she’s already drawn back and is staring at him with wide eyes. He thinks she’s surprised herself almost as much as she’s surprised him.

This time, it’s unclear who makes the first move. All Mulder knows is that suddenly, he’s lost in the sweet taste of Scully’s mouth. She’s got one hand buried in his hair and the other is creeping up the back of his t-shirt. She feels so small in his arms, so perfect, like she was made to fit there, and he’s just beginning to lay her back on his couch when she jerks away.

“I should go,” she says, hastily gathering up her things, not looking at him. Mulder’s heart sinks.

“Scully, I’m sorry,” he says. “You don’t have to leave.”

“I know,” she says. “I just… it’s late, it’s been a long night, and tomorrow’s going to be crazy at Mom’s, and I…” She sighs and meets his gaze, finally, and Mulder can tell she’s conflicted. “I don’t want to tempt myself right now, because I can’t. Not tonight.” She swallows. “Not while….” Mulder nods, understanding: she’s not supposed to have sex for five weeks following the embryo transfer, and she’s currently on week two.

“It doesn’t have to go that far, Scully,” he says. “Not tonight.” Scully smiles slightly.

“Do you really think we’d be able to stop ourselves?” she asks him, and he knows she’s right. If she had allowed him to kiss her for much longer, no force on earth would have been strong enough to separate him from her.

“I guess you have a point,” he concedes. She stands, and he walks her to the door.

“I’ll see you back at work after New Year’s, okay?” she tells him, and his heart sinks.

“I thought maybe we could go to dinner, the night after Christmas?” he suggests hopefully, but she shakes her head.

“I need some time, Mulder,” she tells him. “Time to think.” She reaches up and gently touches her fingertips to his lips, and he presses a kiss to her hand. “Merry Christmas, Mulder.”

“Merry Christmas, Scully.”

iko notices the way kai looks at cinder when she does something he doesn’t quite understand. like when she says that she isn’t hungry even though it’s been hours since she last ate, or when she falls asleep at her desk and wakes up like she’s fully rested in bed. iko notices the way kai tries to coax her into eating or sleeping in their bed, or anything to make her see that what she’s doing isn’t healthy. iko notices, and let’s it slide. this was something for cinder to explain. 

it isn’t until kai comes to her that she says anything. he frantically runs his hand through his hair and tells her about how cinder sleeps. how she’s always tucked into the corner of their bed and how she wakes up in the middle of the night, plagued with nightmares. he says that he’s scared for her. he pours his heart out to her and all she can do is wait. when he’s finished, he looks at her like she has the perfect answer. iko stares at him. it’s obvious kai would do anything to help cinder, to fix her. it reminds her of how cinder once looked at peony, and for a second, iko is scared for the both of them. 

then she shakes it off and tells kai to follow her. she takes him to the linh household, tells him how adri left it for some mansion because of all that money cinder ungraciously gave her, and remarks on how all of cinder’s stuff was probably left behind. kai, now wrapped in a hoodie, follows her quickly as they walk down the street. this is the first clue, iko thinks. “cinder had to walk everywhere,” he says. she nods. cinder must’ve said something like it before.

finally at the house, iko breaks a door open and is met with no alarm. adri could care less about her past. she and kai make their way through quietly, and just as expected, it is entirely empty save for cinder’s room. iko swipes open the door and it is instantly smaller than how she remembers it. maybe it’s because she’s in a much larger body. or maybe it’s always been this small. she can tell it’s the latter because of the look on kai’s face. the ceiling is barely high enough for him to walk inside, and he has to duck to get in. iko lets him look around, but doesn’t go after him. this is the second clue. 

kai leaves a moment later. he looks at her and says, “how did she do it?” iko then leads him to the basement. it’s just how they left it, and it’s a wonder how adri didn’t get in trouble for it. she must’ve paid off the landlord. iko sits at cinder’s old desk and pretends to be asleep. this is clue number three. kai understands, and takes a minute to look around. even this room looks smaller, thinks iko, and she’s glad cinder is out of it for good. 

they walk home slowly, and iko does something she probably shouldn’t have. she says, “adri didn’t like her at all. she blamed her for everything - garan, peony, everything. she yelled at her a lot, and sometimes, she hit her. cinder tried to make herself as small as possible. cinder tried really hard.” kai doesn’t say anything, but she can feel his sadness in the air. the rest of the walk is quiet. 

when they get back to the palace, kai is still quiet. cinder is there, and iko is happy knowing kai feels the same adoration as her when cinder shows up with a smile on her face as if nothing bad has ever happened to her ever. kai starts to tear up and cinder looks at iko confused, but iko shakes her head. she walks away. she’d already done more than she should’ve; the rest was cinder’s. 

virgin-snitch  asked:

Hey!! FIRST OF ALL I just need to say that i literally love your art so much it makes me so happy and i just followed you on ig and its probs one of the best decisions I've made SECOND i saw a little while ago about your avenue q phase (same lol) and i have no idea if you're still taking requests or if this has already been done but like,, If You Were Gay but with BOM (Arnold to Kevin?? Kevin to McKinley?? idk!) anyways that's my 2 cents love you

4

Sorry for the delay, but here are a few pics requested by getas-babe

God I love this thing already. Drawing directly on the screen makes things so much easier. Like holy shit its not even funny. Talk about smooth. Words fail me. Also decided to give ya a lil peek of the first drawing done on it.

  • Betty: I'm so done with you guys you should stop calling me for this
  • Archie: But you are our Nancy Drew you've already done this
  • Betty: I've broke into Miss Grundy's car to solve a crime. It's different. This is the last time I help you solve your handcuffs problems.
  • Archie: at least Jughead isn't totally naked this time
  • Jughead: I'm still sorry about that Betty
Klance ER AU

Ok, just hear me out. What if Lance is an ER doctor and Keith is an ER nurse. They work mostly the night shift and there are crazy injuries and it’s very hectic. I’ve been watching an ER show and this just popped up in my mind.


The night shift is never quiet, not even once, so when Lance was told that someone has been stabbed in the chest, he wasn’t all too surprised. When the stretcher came busting through the doors he was surprised. It was a kid that looked at least in their early teen’s, Lance couldn’t believe it. A little kid that has so much ahead of him in life. In the corner of his eye, Keith was running up to the kid asking questions and checking pulses and blood pressure. They pulled the kid into a room and Lance was there in an instant. 

“Doctor, the knife has pierced his left hung and he’s losing a lot of blood quickly,” Keith rushed.

You could tell that the nurse was panicked but it wasn’t getting in the way of work. On the other hand, Lance was about to break down. He can’t afford to lose another child’s life. 

Lance took a deep breath and looked Keith straight in the eyes, “We’re going to need to open his chest and fast if we want to save this kid’s life.”

Keith looked dumbfounded by Lance’s words, “But, we need a surgeon for that.” Lance cuts him off by asking for the scalpel, “It’s three in the morning there’s going to be no surgeons in and if there were, we have no time to wait.” 

Lance started to make the incision with a clean cut. He ordered for more tools while he was quickly trying to find the blood source. Blood started to cover his gloves as his pulse lowered.

“We’re losing him!” Everyone looked back at Lance, who has tears in his eyes.

“His heart has been punctured. There is nothing we can do now,” he said.

Lance took off his mask and looked down at the child. The child had light brown skin and dark brown hair. He reminded Lance of his little brother. He wiped the hair from the boy’s forehead. A long beep rang through the room as the boy flat lined.

“Time of death, 3:15 am,” Keith looked away from his watch and watched as Lance stitched the bay back up.

Lance finished stitching him up and pulls the blanket covering the young patient’s face.

“Someone, please inform the family,” Lance orders as he walks out of the room, head hanging low.

He quickly rushes to the bathroom just in time before he threw up. Guilt, sadness, pain, and anger rushes through him as he violently throws up. A quiet knock is heard from the door and it opens to reveal a shocked Keith.

“Shit Lance, what happened,” He questioned getting on Lance’s level.

Lance leans his weight onto Keith’s shoulder and cries.

“He died cause on me, I just let him die. I let another one die,” Lance says through his loud sobs.

“There’s nothing we could’ve done. He had a punctured heart, there’s nothing we can do to fix that,” Keith hugged the doctor while rubbing circles on his back.

Lance cries even harder on Keith’s shoulder.


It’s all my fault

This is all I could think of, but I hope no one has done and if they did sorry didn’t know this already existed.

Kiss me before I fucking lose my mind-Alec lightwood

Never done a lyrics imagine but here you go.

btw the songs called kiss me before I lose my fucking mind by Charlie Puth.

I
Should have told
You how I really feel
A little in advance

Then I
Would’ve had some time
To go and work it out
I think I’ve lost my chance

I watched as Magnus approached my 3 year long crush Alec Lightwood. We had known each other for 4 years after my parents sent me to the New York institute. There I had met my parabibiti Izzy, friend Jace and of course Alec. We didn’t get on at first but after me and Iz  became parabibiti he relised I was sticking around. For the last 3 years we had been flirtasiously teasing each other but nothing happened. I was to scared to tell him. Now I had to watch this warlock fawn over him. Don’t get me wrong I love downworlders but this is testing my patience.


For the last 3 years I just hid it so well
Hoping that you’d figure it out because I never could tell it
Straight to your face

Izzy looked at me with a sad smile as she saw me staring at the two. She walked over “I’m sure its nothing”.

“mmm” I responded. we were waiting for Clary to finish drawing the chalk thingy, yeh I didn’t rely pay attention. “Maybe you should tell him?” Iz suggested for the 100th time. “You and I both know I don’t have the guts.”


Never have I ever woken up in a cold hard sweat
From a dream wondering
If you’d ever say “goodbye”
If I didn’t say it first

“I’m starving” Jace complained. “Yeh me too, I’m gonna run down to the corner shop. I’ll grab you some crisps/chips(I call them crisps but the US says chips so I’ll write both) You want anything Iz?” I questioned walking to the door.

“No thanks” “Ok what about you Alec?” He was snapped out of his daze “Ehh sure a can of cola”

“Ok, be to secs bye.” Jace and Izzy said bye as I stood in the door way. “Bye Alec..” I reminded him.

“Oh Yeah bye” As I walked out the apartment I couldn’t help but wonder if he would even notice.


I’m done
Playing these games
I can’t believe what I’m about to say
I won’t tell you goodbye
With my love left behind
Kiss me before I
Fucking lose my
Mind

As I was walking back I decided I would tell him tonight. By the time I got back up they had already done the spell and failed. “Oh well heres your drink anyway” I went o hand the blue eyed boy his drink when he said “No its fine. Magnus summoned me one up after you left. “Oh”

“Sorry you left before I could say” Magnus said. “Its fine” I smiled walking out with Izzy.

No
No more nights
Drink until my loneliness
Up till 2 AM

No
No more waiting
Pacing round the bar
Hoping that you might walk in

That  night I went to a downworlder bar and just sat and drink. I left Alec a note saying I would be there and he should come to. I figured it would be easier to tell him if I was tipsy. Well now I was drunk and looking at the door.

“You alright?” Maia asked. “Yeh just drank a bit much” I said paying off my tab.


Never have I ever woken up in a cold hard sweat
From a dream wondering
If you’d ever say “goodbye”
If I didn’t say it first

I’m done
Playing these games
I can’t believe what I’m about to say
No I won’t tell you goodbye
With my love left behind
Kiss me before I
Fucking lose my mind

I woke up the next morning with a hang over. Alec opened my door. “Uhh you reek like whiskey” he joked “get ready we have a mission.”

“With who?” I sat up. “Just us” He left.  Fuck it I thought. This is driving be insane.


I’m done
Playing these games

After the mission we were walking back when I stopped him. “Alec I gotta tell you something and you cant flip”

”Ok”
I can’t believe what I’m about to say

I took a breath in.
Cause I would rather die
Then feeling this inside

Tricks played on my mind
No I would rather die

″What is it Y/N?”
Then just tell you goodbye
With my love left behind

Could I just run away? No never.

“I love you Alec” I looked down then he said

“Kiss me before I
Fucking lose my
Mind
 “


Masterlist

Cheryl Blossom: maybe never -Smut-

Request: a cheryl x fem!reader request please, where the reader and cheryl were friends with benefits over the summer and no one knows. when veronica shows up, the reader starts showing interest in her and they go to the dance together, making cheryl jealous. later at the after party at the blossom’s, the bottle points first to the reader, then veronica, but before they can go into the closet, cheryl grabs the reader and shows everyone just who she belongs to

Notes: Halloo. I’m back. I haven’t been writing for a while, because of technical issues with my bitch ass internet. Buuuut, its working now so yay! Ahhhhh this is is probably going to be short. I’m sorry, babies. I promise tho I have another Cheryl x Reader smut coming up on Thursday. Wednesday, I’m going to be busy with me mama, my niece, and my sestra. Soooo ye. I LITERALLY NEVER PROOFREAD SORRY. 

Warnings: Hmm, SMUT AF. I don’t feel like being kinky rn so, you already know its just basic as fuck sexy time. Jealous!Cheryl. Alcohol. Sigh, just fingering. Sorry I’m being lazy. Veronica x Reader, a lil tiny bit tho. Ughhh a shitty ass ending, as always. Dassit.

Y/N’s POV

Oh boy. What a fucking summer I had. I had done so much shit I never thought I’d do. Like go skinny dipping, party like all night, fuck Cheryl Blossom, be fuck buddies with Cheryl Blossom, drink all day everyday and other unusual things. But, can you believe it? Me and Cheryl fucking Blossom. Its fucking crazy. In case you don’t know what all the hype is about, Cheryl is like the most popular (and hottest) girl in school. So, for her to come at me and start this whole thing, was holy shit. Of course no one knew what we did. All they know, is that Cheryl has made a new best friend. Since it was the last weekend of summer, Cheryl was throwing one of her huge ass parties. I also heard that there was a new girl in Riverdale. Um..Veronica. Everyone keeps saying she’s sexy. I haven’t seen her yet, so I can’t say the same. The party had started and I was already late. So, I lowkey sped my way to her house. There were already teenagers hanging outside, with red cups in their hands. You could hear the music from a mile away. I literally had to push through people to get inside. Once I spotted Cheryl, I made my way towards her. “Hey Cheryl.” I called out excitedly. When she saw me, she nearly ran over to me. “Y/N, heyyyy.” I could tell she was drunk, you could smell the tequila on her breath. She went back to what she was doing, while I wondered around the huge house. I saw a girl, who looked as lonely as I did. She looked fairly new though, that must be Veronica. She was, might I say sexy. I wanted to be the first person she knew, so I decided to take it upon myself and go speak to her. “Hey, you must be Veronica. I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you.” I said as we shook hands. “Hi Y/N. Yeah I’m Veronica. Are her parties always this-” “lit? Yeah totally. She is known for having bomb ass parties, and other things that I certainly will not speak of.” I laughed nervously. She chuckled at my stupidity. “Um, do you want to like go dance? I’ve had people tell me I’m a pretty good dancer.” I said as I pumped my fist awkwardly into the air. She cracked up at my lame jokes. “Yes, totally. I would love to see how good you are at dancing.” I nodded, while linking arms with the taller girl, and dragged her to the center of the room. My back was facing her front, as she wrapped her arms around my waist, bumping and grinding to the beat. The music got more slower and sexual, and our bodies got closer. With my hands in her hair, and her lips on my neck, I could see the jealousy on Cheryl’s face. “Okay, everybody get in a circle and grab an empty bottle, because we’re playing spin the bottle bitches!” Cheryl yelled over the music, while everyone cheered and did as they were told. I grabbed Veronica’s hand and pulled her on the floor. Everyone had their chance to spin, so it was my turn. I spun the bottle again, and it landed on Veronica. The boys whooped and hollered as I turned to face the girl next to me. We leaned in close, but before our lips got to touch, I was being pulled by the hand out of the room? I looked to see who it was pulling, I saw the fiery red hair, who I knew belonged to Cheryl. “Cheryl, the fuck are you doing? What happened?” Once we were behind closed doors, I was being pushed against the door. “What are you doing with her?” She asked. “I’m being friendly.” I said pretending to be oblivious. “Friendly my ass. You were basically fucking her.” “Cheryl, what are you talking about She’s new, I just wanted to be her friend.” She rolled eyes as I stared at her innocently. “You will never think about another women as long as I’m alive. And that’s a fact, babe.” I knew what I was in for, and I loved it. Cheryl snaked her hand up under my dress. “Hmm. She’s gonna know who you belong to on Monday.” I moaned at the feeling of her fingers inside me. “Oh, you like that, sweetie? You like the way my fingers curl inside you?” I moaned again, while she pumped in and out of me. “You think Veronica could make you feel this good? You think she can make you moan this loud?” I nearly screamed at the pleasure. “No, baby. She can’t make me feel this good. She can’t make me feel like you do.” I purred, as my hands got tangled into her hair. “Good girl.” She said as she groped my ass. My hips jerked up, while I reached my orgasm. I could feel my legs shaking. She pulled her fingers out and sucked on them. “Once we go back out there, you’re sitting with.” She ordered. I just nodded, since there was no fighting with Cheryl.

This is the first thing I ever crocheted, just about five years ago. As you can see, it is A Certified Mess™.

Stitches are uneven and huge knots are left in where I attached more yarn. I had no sense of what colors go with what colors, so I used every skein of Red Heart my dad bought me indiscriminately. I couldn’t figure out that there was an extra stitch I was missing on the end of every row until about halfway through, so it’s shaped like a wonky hourglass. And eventually I got sick of the whole thing and “finished” it, so while it’s the width of a normal blanket, it’s about half the length.

My mom kept it. I honestly couldn’t tell you why, because if it was me, I would have flung it straight into Lake Michigan. On fire. But it is on my mother’s bed, to this day. 

But today, I found myself glad that she did. I walked into her room wearing a scarf I’d made recently and, looking down at this monstrosity, it made me realize how far I’ve really come. I learned to crochet as a coping mechanism - a survival tactic, really - while sitting in psychiatric hospitals and residential treatment centers throughout my early 20s. I never expected anything to come of it; I just wanted something to do with my hands to stave off panic attacks and flashbacks. 

But with just a few years of experience and practice and patience and youtube tutorials and tumblr calls for help, I’ve not only started making more polished things that I’m proud of, but I’ve also learned other skills, all of which make me excited to learn even more. And all the while, I loved what I was doing.

Normally I’m not for all those kitschy, overly-optimistic sayings spread by facebook wine moms on top of a generic pretty landscape. But even I got slapped in the face by the symbolism of it this morning. While it doesn’t make perfect, practice definitely makes improvement. And sometimes, you can’t truly appreciate the work you’re doing until you take a step back and look not at what you wish you could do, but all the beautiful things you’ve already done.