if i won the lottery

When a Puerto Rican Wins the Powerball

“It’s completely outrageous someone from Puerto Rico won the Powerball, thought this was America!

“Puerto Rico won the Powerball? Thanks, Obama.”

“Since when could you win a Powerball jackpot in Puerto Rico? Don’t they use the Euro as currency?”

When a Puerto Rican wins the Powerball, it’s time to invoke the second amendment and load our guns. That is the message that went out when a $564 million Powerball lottery was held on February 11 and one of the three winning tickets was sold in Ponce, Puerto Rico. Almost immediately, Latino Rebels reported a national spate of offensive tweets, which were soon picked up global outlets such as NBC News, Buzzfeed and The Daily Mail, to name a few.

Full story at Latino Rebels.

I wish I was rich so....

•so I could pay off my moms house and buy her a car
• give people who are in the closet a place to go if their parents kicked them out because of their gender
• give anyone abused money to get away.
• give trans men and women that money they need for surgeries and clothing
• starving children in Africa enough money to last them a lifetime
• make my own charity to help those in need

I want to see a smile on the face on those suffering.

The Washington State Lottery Powerball has reached $86,000,000 (a $53,900,000 cash option is available upon winning) which is an obscene amount of money.  I don’t personally know of anyone who has won the lottery so I assume that nobody wins and everyone believes that some unfamiliar asshole walks away with the cash.  Today I thought about what I would do if I were the unfamiliar asshole.

My very first order of business would be to re-pay my parents for college with interest.  The interest is for the many years they took care of me by making me sandwiches I refused to eat since I become stubborn when I’m hungry, listening to my unwarranted complaints about the unfair balance in the world despite my embarrassing lack of real world experience, and many other things.

I would then find a modest, well-placed apartment in Seattle.  If they do not allow pets I would pay them extra to keep quiet about the dog I would then rush out to buy.  I have desperately needed a dog for years and I believe winning the lottery would qualify as a time to get one.  She’ll be a quiet Pembroke Welsh Corgi and she and I will play and play.

Although the next idea doesn’t require millions of dollars, I would purchase a top-notch record player.  The one I have works just fine but I would like a Technics turn-table.  I don’t want to blare annoying music I just don’t want to listen to shitty sound-quality.

Then, I would travel.  I do not care where but I would enter the airport and throw a dart at the international flight schedule.  After the complete misunderstanding of my actions, and the TSA had me in their custody, I would probably be asked to go to another country.  I would go to France and Spain, among other places.  Most importantly, I would write.  My dog and I would spend afternoons playing in parks and walking around the cities.  Eventually we would become tired.

After such a busy time, I would scope out a space in Seattle to start my small publishing house.  My aim is to create the literary version of Jack White’s Third Man Records, which basically creates anything that sonovabitch comes up with.  I would publish a book that has a book inside of it which is part of the story of the larger book.  If that doesn’t make sense then you should wait for it to come out.  My publishing house will focus on a relationship between literature and art, priding itself on fighting the age of digital reading.  We would also have a screen-printing studio.

Finally, I would revolutionize the t-shirt measurement chart.  As it stands, I am a Small in pretty much every brand except for American Apparel and a few others in which I am a Medium.  I would be the first to start, and mascot the Shmedium sized t-shirt, calling attention to those who’ve fallen between conventional sizes for years.  Then I would start demanding sneakers be made in a size 11.25.  

What can I say?  I’m weird shapes.

If I Won The Lottery . . .

Hmm , I Was In English Lastweek And We Had A Topic That We Had To Write About Which Was “If I Won The Lottery” . Unfortunately I Didnt Really Put A Lot Of Thought Into It Because I Was Being Lazy . But Its Sunday & I’ve Been On Tumblr Since Ive Opened My Eyes . And Being On Tumblr All Day Your Prone To Do A Whole Lot Of Dreaming With All the People Posting Pictures Of Things You Yourself Cant Afford Without The Help Of God Himself . So I Was Thinking About It … What If I Won the Lottery , Now I Highly Doubt That I’ll Ever Really Win The Lottery But If I Did , I Would Have Want It One Giant Lump Sum . I’d Split It Up Smartly , Put Majority Of It Into My Savings Like 90%-95% Of The Money & Then Just Leave It So The Interest Can Come In . & Then That Last 5%-10% Id Put Into My Checking To Spend As I Please . But Im Not Gonna Be On No Reckless Type Shit ! Id First Find A Nice Size House In A Gated Neighborhood , Pay For The House In Cash So It’ll Be Payed Off . Then Imma Be Real Id Probably Have Like 2-3 Car ( 1 Luxury Car , 1 Everyday Car & 1 SUV ) ; Most Likely A Mercedez Benz S550 , A Camero SS , and A Cadillac Escalade . And Id Pay For All Three In Cash So They’ll Be Paid Off As Well ( See Id Try To Eliminate Any Major Bills That I Could ) , Of Course Id Have To Furnish The House Which Id Most Likely Only Put About $50,000-$60,000 Into . Then Anybody Who Knows Me Knows Im A Shopper So My Closet Will Most Likey Be What Id Spend Most Of My Money On . Id Be Up On All The Latest Gadgets ( Macbooks , iPods , Game Systems , Etc . ) But At the Same Time Id Still Give Myself A Monthly Budget Once I Have My Home Set Up . Id Most Likely Have A Girlfriend BUT The Jawn Wont Get NO Type Of Access To My Sh-t Sooo Golddiggers Wont Be A Issue , and As Far As Family Ill Make Sure To Look Out For ONLY The Ones Who Looked Out For Me . I Wouldnt Spend The Whole 5%-10% Because Illl Be Living Off That As Long As Possible , While Maintaining A Regular Job That I Enjoy & Just Being A Young Adult . The Only People Who Would Actually Know About My Weath Would Be The Ones Close To Me So All THe Haters Will Have To Just Hate On Me & Not What I Have ! But Shit Thats About It … Sounds Like A Nice Plan Right ? Oh & The WHOLE Lottery Amount Would Be A In The Hundred Millions Range , That Way The Small Percentage I Actually Can Spend Will Be Able To Last .

- Signed , @BasedOutClyde