if i was a man i'd be gay for him

Weird Conversations I've Actually Had Sentence Starters
  • "I'm weird, you're weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasn't for the fact I find you repulsive."
  • "Boobs are really just squishy pillows."
  • "Stop helping. You suck at helping. Plot my death instead, you'd probably end up helping me!"
  • "I don't trust shrinks ever since I realized that if you put a space in the right place therapist becomes 'the rapist'."
  • "I'd fuck you if only your no no parts matched my no no parts... By the way I'm gay."
  • "I was so deep in the closet I could see the next four years of Christmas presents."
  • "I dunno man Heaven just seems boring. Sign me up for hell."
  • "So I tried to freak him out by saying I wanted to get married and instead of breaking up with me he fucking proposes."
  • "I'm trying to seduce a nerd. How do you say 'I wanna fuck you in my backseat' in Klingon?"
  • "If you don't get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you."
  • "I wanna destroy our friendship... Let's play Monopoly."
  • "I wish I had a twin so when I kill my enemies I can just blame it on them."
  • "Blasphemy! Sex solves everything."
  • "He smelt like an old person and for some reason that turned me on."
  • "I mean really Vampires aren't sexy unless your into bloodplay."
  • "Look there's nothing wrong with aspiring to be a trophy wife."
  • "If a person with multiple personalities kills themselves is that suicide or homicide?"
  • "I know he's old but I'd totally fuck Harrison Ford."
  • "I don't need food to sustain me. Only cuddles."
  • "I could spend days just groping your ass and be happy. And "I say that in a completely nonsexual way."
  • "I just want to be Mulan. Is that too much to ask?"
  • "There is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character."
  • "I'm gonna lay down and die for like half hour kay?"
  • "Don't say 'I love you' Just give me cake. I'll get the message."
  • "There's been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships."

anonymous asked:

Ok, so maybe a week or so I sent an ask saying I was angry at you for saying that darren was gay and stuff and I'd like to say that I'm sorry and everything because I'm actually starting to think that he is and tbh it's your choice to ship him with another man and everything so yeah I'm sorry.

Anon. Thank you. Trust me. I’m not here to waste my time. I’m here because I see an injustice and this is one way we all can make our voices heard that the continued abuse of the LGBT+ community by people in power and the intolerance in the word needs to end.

My goal is to have people such as yourself at least question what is sold. And to hopefully encourage people to take a closer look. That’s how we can help effectuate change.

I respect your courage to come back. Listen to him. He is exactly the same, amazing person you admire. He just love someone different.

Listening to Be More Chill for the First Time Without Context:
  • Jeremy's Theme (Instrumental): spooky
  • More Than Survive: LMAO THIS IS ME
  • I Love Play Rehearsal: I feel attacked
  • Squip Song: Is this Michael??? WH o is singing thi S? I'm confused?
  • Two-Player Game: Jeremy is too gay to like Christine lmao Michael is your man
  • The Squip Enters: Pain is fun !!!
  • Be More Chill (Pt. 1): This squip thing is an asshole I love him
  • Do You Wanna Ride?: SAY NO TO THIS (you have a boyfriend, Jerry)
  • Be More Chill (Pt. 2): GET AWAY FROM M Y SON
  • More Than Survive (Reprise): Let the poor man do his business
  • A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into: It's not gonna be him it's not gonna be him it's not gonna be him it's not gonna be him it's not gonna be him it's not gonna be him it's not gonna be- It's not him
  • The Squip Lurks (Instrumental): Is this part of the last song?????
  • Upgrade: This is somewhat sexual- okay you just blew off your boyfriend fuck you Jerry
  • Halloween: big FUN BIG FUN
  • Do You Wanna Hang?: Is this Brooke???
  • Michael in the Bathroom: *unintelligible sobs*
  • The Smartphone Hour (Rich Set A Fire): lmao wut
  • The Pitiful Children: I know I said that the squip is a dick and he still is but this song is CATCHY AS FU CK
  • The Pants Song: MICHAEL LOVES JEREMY !!!!???? Also his dad doesn't wear pants ????!!!!
  • The Play: what the fuck
  • Voices in My Head: Honey, you know those voices are telling you about Michael

cherryfeather101  asked:

So, I may have accidentally gotten myself into a relationship? I was teasing my friend, and she was complaining about her ex, because she's bisexual and he didn't approve, and I told her that I'd help her mess with him, and that she could introduce me to him as her girlfriend(and I was teasing) but she took it seriously? I don't really mind - we were already closer than friends, but... Got any advice?

ok this i dont know lmfao sorry bb but like i dont have any romantic experience at all so any advice i may get will probably be invalid PFFT but if u guys already like each other before why not??

anonymous asked:

A long time friend of mine, bisexual, is insisting the importance of being open to the fact that your sexuality could change and just because I'm exclusively homosexual now doesn't mean I couldn't want to be with a female someday and that it's bad to say I'd never be with one because I could change some day. I'm crying. What the fuck dude, Jesus Christ man... He's also saying the "perfect man" for me could be a trans man and I'm telling him that isn't true because I'm gay (1/2)

“You haven’t found a female you’re attracted to, but you could some day” fml what the heck. I’m trying to explain how hurtful what he’s saying is and he just keeps saying that “sexuality is fluid and someday you might find a woman attractive” I feel like I’m going to vomit 

Straight people think we’re weird for being attracted to the same sex and bisexuals think we’re weird for only being attracted to one sex. We absolutely do not need any more lectures from non-gay people about exploring or rethinking our sexuality.

Even though there may be cases where someone who thinks they’re gay realizes they’re actually bisexual, that doesn’t mean there’s any reason to pressure gay people into considering the opposite sex as potential partners. We have already had to question our sexuality a lot and we’re bombarded with heterosexuality in the media and real life; why would we ever need a reminder that it exists?

I also really wish non-gay people would stop pulling that “your perfect girlfriend/boyfriend might be trans” thing. How about instead of that, we get to choose who we’re comfortable dating, and they can get better hobbies than bullying gay people about our sexuality. Your “perfect” partner cannot be someone you aren’t attracted to. If their personality is that compatible with yours, then why isn’t friendship just as good? Why is it that people are insisting gay people must date/sleep with them?

-Mod Noel

The Various Forms of Atsutodo
  • *Form No. 1*
  • Todomatsu: I'm going to milk all the money out of this man that I possibly can because I am evil and manipulative and a big meany who steals handsome men's lunch money and candy mwahahahaha
  • *Form No. 2*
  • Todomatsu: *slamming head against wall* I'M. NOT. GAY. I. JUST. LIKE. HIS. MONEY. I'M. NOT. GAY. I. JUST-
  • *Form No. 3*
  • Todomatsu: I AM THE GAYEST LIFEFORM ON THIS PLANET AND THIS MALE SPECIMEN SUITS MY NEEDS
  • *Form No. 4*
  • Todomatsu: I love him, but I think I'd just die if anyone besides him knew. That's why I always carry cyanide pills handy.
  • *Form No. 5*
  • Todomatsu: This handsome and attentive man completes me in ways no one else could. His wealth, while appreciated, means very little in my eyes. I love him because he respects me, listens to me, brightens my day, fills my stomach with butterflies, helps me live life to the fullest every minute of every day, would do just about anything for me, stands beside me no matter what, and gives me purpose when I would otherwise feel like I had none. He is my everything and I don't care what my brothers or the whole world thinks about that.
  • *Form No. 6*
  • Todomatsu: ALL OF MY BROTHERS WANT TO FUCK MY BOYFRIEND SO BADLY THAT WHENEVER I BRING HIM HOME I HAVE TO GUARD HIM WITH A FUCKING SPEAR AND IT'S SO GODDAMN FRUSTRATING I JUST-
listening to the wicked soundtrack: disgruntled Gelphie shipper edition
  • no one mourns the wicked: YES THEY DO. YES THEY DOO. GLINDAAA. GLINDA PLS COME WITH THEM
  • dear old shiz: ah yes the fictional alma mater
  • the wizard and i: haha 'a celebration throughout oz'. dramatic irony amirite. haha. hahaha. dramatic irony. *sob*
  • what is this feeling: GAY GAY GAY
  • something bad: i like this goat. oh. oh well too bad he's gone before long.
  • dancing through life: i remember a girl tried to set me up with my crush once but i didn't become a fucking tyrant as a result
  • popular: galinda is cute and did you hear that sick burn about ronald reagan
  • i'm not that girl: SHUSH FORGET FIYERO RUN OFF WITH GLINDA
  • one short day: offscreen sexcapades probably
  • a sentimental man: foreshadowing #43928410
  • defying gravity: *pauses right before the second I hope you're happy* *stops the soundtrack* *pretends Gelphie defying gravity together is the end of the musical*
  • thank goodness: gay gay gay with a sideline of tears
  • the wicked witch of the east: the one I DON'T KNOW THE WRODS TO AND IT MAKES ME ANGRY
  • wonderful: aw look a cute old man. aw. if it weren't for him and morrible I'd have Gelphie kissing. Aw look. He wants to be appreciated. fuck off old man
  • i'm not that girl reprise: SHUSH forget him RUN OFF WITH ELPHABA
  • as long as you're mine: wtf is Fiyero doing in this play about my otp
  • no good deed: FUCK OFF MOM I CAN SING JUST FINE
  • march of the witch hunters: calm the fuck down biq
  • for good: what are you talking about of course you'll meet again in this lifetime I WILL RUN ONSTAGE AND CARRY BOTH OF YOU OFF IF NECESSARY DONT MAKE ME TRY
  • finale: allotted time for wiping off all the eye makeup that got runny during for good
They could do so much with them and having a gay black man and a teenager be the leads of your show would be so interesting because God knows the last thing TV needs more of is broody, tortured men being given all the attention.
'legally blonde: the musical' starters
  • "I'm doing this for love, and that's how I'll survive."
  • "I grew up in the [city] slums, with my mom and a series of bums."
  • "You know why cheerleaders always get the guy and keep the guy?"
  • "A girl sweet as you has a future."
  • "That's a good school!"
  • "He's a lucky guy."
  • "Mazel tov!"
  • "I think he should be shot."
  • "Three words - spring break cabana!"
  • "It'll wreck your senior spring."
  • "You're breaking up with me?"
  • "How is this helping?"
  • "Is he gay or European?"
  • "This wouldn't work if I tried all day."
  • "Just try it once, and he'll buy you a drink!"
  • "Happy people don't just shoot their husbands! They just don't!"
  • "Whoever said tangerine was the new pink was seriously disturbed."
  • "I thought you were proposing!"
  • "Each time [name] walks in the door, your IQ goes down to forty... maybe less."
  • "Bring that ring back and show it to me!"
  • "It's 99.99% effective on straight men."
  • "I'd never sleep with a man in a thong!"
  • "Sure, I broke his nose, but I got to spend 4 and a half hours with him in the ER and in the ambulance! It was the most romantic time of my life!"
  • "Look, do it, and I'll go away."
  • "It was a move designed by cheerleaders to break the will of the other team."
  • "I see the problem here, and it's not physical. It's spiritual."
  • "Don't forget, I got into this school, too."
  • "Now, you may have heard the same rumors I did. '[Name] is ruthless, s/he bathes in the blood of sheep!' Well, rest assured, those rumors are only partially true."
  • "My word means something."
  • "Check, please."
  • "Keep it positive!"
  • "Fine, I'll pay your way if you get in."
  • "Back the hell out of her way!"
  • "When I'm wrong, then I say I'm wrong, and I was wrong about you."
  • "I think I'm here to stay."
  • "I crash and burn ten times a day."
  • "Cheerleaders scare me."
  • "He's gay! Totally gay!"
  • "YOU BASTARD! YOU LYING BASTARD!"
  • "We'll never look good trying to make each other look bad..."
  • "I may be in love, but I'm not stupid."
  • "I bought a new salon. We also feature dog grooming!"
  • "Now we have two kids - and one more on the way!"
  • "I'm not quite sure where this metaphor's going."
  • "Maybe [name] saw someone who was sleeping her way to the top, but I see a woman that doesn't have to."
  • "The answer could take weeks..."
  • "It has not worked out well. I wish that I were dead."
  • "Love led you here?"
  • "How many yachts can one man own?"
  • "I got through law school by busting my ass."
  • "[Name] quit. Said s/he makes more modelling anyhow."
  • "Omigod, you guys!"
  • "I need to marry someone serious - less of a Marilyn, more of a Jackie."
  • "I hoped that you'd understand..."
  • "I'M TAKING THE DOG, DUMBASS."
  • "Depending on the time of day, the French go either way."
  • "Hey, don't look at me."
  • "I've got a package."
  • "[Name] scares the crap out of me."
  • "Oh, so I'm not good enough for you?"
  • "What rich, romantic planet are you from?"
  • "I'm from [city]! I'm not exactly trailer trash!"
  • "No man/woman should be denied his/her dog!"
  • "You stalked some guy to an Ivy League school?"
  • "You're a perfect match, 'cause you both got such great taste in clothes."
  • "Pull her hair and call her 'whore'!"
  • "That's so sweet!"
  • "I haven't slept since [year]."
  • "You're fired."
  • "They're just like that couple from Titanic - only no one dies."
  • "Two jobs plus law school?!"
  • "That's it! I'm not covering for you anymore!"
  • "You can laugh, but she's made tons off her DVD and book."
  • "See if you can place a little sense in the space between her ears."
  • "This isn't some little sorority thing!"
  • "[Name] has trouble trusting me."
  • "There s/he is! Intern of the year!"
  • "I don't speak MTV."
  • "I don't go to parties a lot."
  • "Could it be the real thing in your way is the very guy you're trying to impress?"
  • "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to judge a book by its cover?"
  • "People have judged me my whole life."
  • "You know I'm right."
  • "I'm not about to celebrate."
  • "I gotta go get my asthma spray."
  • "If there ever was a perfect couple, this one qualifies!"
  • "We love you guys!"

lala-loony-lupin-deactivated201  asked:

Please oh please can I have either Jily or Sirius/Lily (I know that wasn't on your list but like I thought I'd ask anyway) and idk just fluffy stuff I don't even care. x

oh man oh man!


  • “But Remus, how is her hair that colour naturally?” Sirius whined for what seemed the 32nd time that week, the new girl had stuck out to him.
  • “I don’t know, love, perhaps go ask her?”
  • “James would have me by my balls if I so much as breathed in her directon.” 
  • “James also knows you’re pretty gay, baby,” Remus said not looking up from his book
  • “it’s ‘a pretty, gay baby’,” Sirius corrected with a smirk and Remus rolled his eyes   
  • not long after that Lily was braiding his hair and teaching him how properly apply eyeshaddows. 
  • “Sirius Black, where is my Naked palette?” 
  • *Sirius looks at her with pretty nude eyelids* “mmm I don’t know”
  • they competed in everything.
  • “I bet I got more As than you.”
  • “£10 says I can chug this bottle of water faster than you can.”
  • “Wanna bet on who gets more numbers tonight?”
  • “That’s unfair because you like more sexes than me, Evans, but considering I’m prettier, you’re on.”
  • Sirius lost by one number
  • he heard about it for 3 months straight
  • they occasionally brought it up whenever Sirius was being particularly cocky (everyday) and he only cried a little bit over it now
  • “Lil, I have something to tell you,” Sirius said, the worried expression on his face made her stop typing away at her laptop. 
  • “What’s up love?” 
  • “I think I like Remus.”
  • “Right…”
  • “No, I know I like Remus.”
  • “That much is obvious, I’m failing to see the problem here?”
  • “He’s straight.”
  • “I think the not-so-pg slow-dancing against a gay man the other night wasn’t very straight of him.”
  • “But he’s only been with girls,” Sirius whined.
  • “And I’m wtih James now, that doesn’t make me any less bi?” 
  • She promised she wouldn’t say anything though.
  • But every time Remus entered a room Sirius was in she would move her brows up and down at Sirius
  • and every time an innuedo was said by either of them (there were a lot) Lily cleared her throat and threw a smirk at Sirius
  • When Sirius and Remus finally got together Sirius told Lily first thing
  • and the private jokes.
  • “Orange cup, blue cup,” and they would end up in stitches
  • it was hell for anyone who didn’t get them
  • and they were best bros .
unpopular opinion

the more i reflect on it, the more i find that question about how michael fassbender feels about james mcavoy uncomfortable and borderline rude. 

a) he was there to promote tlbo, not x-men or his former castmates.

b) alicia vikander, his girlfriend and actual human being/current co-star, was right there. 

c) cool as she is, that must have been at least a little uncomfortable for her. like, asking a dude to admit he wants to kiss somebody other this his girlfriend IN FRONT OF HER is kind of like cornering him into a sort of gray area infidelity.

d) seriously, man? “yes or i want to kiss him” ???? mf is a real dude. he and james are pals.

e) i’m not a gay man, but if somebody asked this about two women, it would make me cringe so hard.

f) if you’re into rpf for the love of all that’s holy, keep it within fandom!?? we don’t know that mf, who doesn’t use social media (?? i don’t think alicia does either?) isn’t uncomfortable w/it, and it’s super disrespectful to force it on him.

anonymous asked:

Hahahahahahahhaahahahha at your anon. No one is saying he's checking out her boobs. What boobs? If you don't need to wear a bra you don't have boobs!!!! She is part of the itty bitty titty committee, and IF Louis were attracted to females I'd imagine him wanting a girl with more chest, and more bum. He's admitted to liking a good bum, yet she has none?? Like if your anon can't see this is a stunt then I fear for them. Louis could be straight, but this STILL A STUNT. Like jfc anons are dumb.

Do you listen to yourself critiquing other women’s body parts on behalf of another man in order to justify why you believe he’s gay?

Does that not feel incredibly pathetic?

Her tits exist, they’re there. She’s visibly wearing a bra. Though it doesn’t matter if she had none, she’d still be a woman he’s attracted to and dating. You do not get to decide what parts of a woman’s body a man needs in order to date and desire that woman.

If you can’t see what you sound like in your bitter quest to tear a woman’s body apart because she threatens a ship that hasn’t interacted in 5 months, then I fear for you. If you don’t recognize how we as a society are conditioned in placing these inherently misogynistic concepts about how a woman must look, how she must present herself, what parts of her anatomy need to be presented and how they’re presented, in order to judge her worth or her role in relationship to a man, and how you are prepared to do that to a woman the second she interferes with a man you’ve decided you know and then credit HIM with the judgements you have made yourself about this woman, but can’t recognize that as your own internalized misogyny, then I fear for you.

“Like jfc anons are dumb.” Like, I know right???? So agreed!

anonymous asked:

From a marketing stand point, Simon Cowell is fucking stupid. He could totally glass closet harry and louis and push their dynamic for sales without actually having them come and out and use it to steal some of the thunder for the coming out under the new team, but instead he goes with tiresome tactics that don't sell. I know he obviously wants 1d to do shit this album but sales for them are still sales for him too and since he's about to loose them, i'd take all the money i can from 1d

okay but look at who we’re dealing with here… simon cowell is a self closeted gay man who faked his own affair with his best friends wife to have a baby and really cement that straight image of his… his head of media is ann marie who doesnt know shit from clay when it comes to pr because she is untrained and was hired because she was max cliffords pa who she learnt everything off… max clifford was simons old pr agent for years and he was jailed last year for sexual assault with minors and also bragged about closeting his clients in an interview because ‘being gay was not marketable’…  

so… when you look at whos running this ship, and who they were trained by and their opinions on the way things should be done, it really doesnt surprise me that this is the way they’re handling 1d’s promo.

we’re all counting down the days till the boys are rid of these scummy fuckers and can join a team who’s views on things are in line with the modern day world and who will be able to get maximum publicity for the biggest boyband in the world.. until that day, unfortunately this is what we and the boys are stuck with!