if i just keep telling myself

So after thinking about the last TRR chapter, I have some thoughts.

I know I’ve seen posts about how Liam didn’t defend MC or fight for her enough, but I think the man is in shock and everything happened SO FAST. I don’t think for a minute that he intends to marry Madeline but that he just did what he had to do to get this hellacious night over with so he can move forward with finding out what REALLY happened.

I don’t think Madeline is the traitor. I think she’s taking advantage of the situation or she herself is being used by…the queen. I think the Queen intends to find herself a pawn to put on the throne beside Liam. Someone she can put in a position of power so she can continue to “rule” Cordonia even after the king has stepped down.

I just keep telling myself this is only the first part of the story. MC has plenty of people who are never going to believe that she did anything wrong (and in Drake at least one person who KNOWS what really happened). I’m still PO’d about a lot of what has happened in this book, but I’m still excited/anxious to know what happens next.

I burned out badly last spring, at the same time I was finding out about my autism and ADHD and going through the diagnostic process. Very often now, I feel this sense of false urgency/doom born out of depression, social anxiety, and holding onto the neurotypical-passing pretense too hard while I was still working.

I ended up quitting my job over the phone while crying, because I tried until I just couldn’t go anymore. I felt like I had to keep trying until I couldn’t, because at that time I still had doubts that I was “faking it.”

I tell myself that it’s okay for me to be focusing on school and not working, even though I’m not doing school full-time. I can’t handle part-time work and part-time school at the same time; that’s a fact. It’s hard to accept, though.

I’m still pretty messed up from overworking myself, but at least I had the tools to recognize the burnout when it came on, so I don’t feel too guilty about it. It isn’t right for me to destroy myself trying to live up to unrealistic standards.

My dad gave me some great advice a while back: “Learn your limits, and work from inside them to expand them.”

anonymous asked:

Last ask just to clarify that I am totally aware from second 1 that you are NOT a CCer/shipper/supporter/believer/advocate/etc. Please read my words again, I always try to separate you from them, so I don't know why you keep telling me that you are not one, I totally know (and sometimes the character limit makes it impossible to convey everything). However my point is that both you and those CC-something fulfill Mia's thirst for attention, and I wasn't sure why. Only wanted a logic explanation.

Oh well thats is simple.

I’m find myself unique and dont like being grouped into others. (Didnt say im not a bit self absorbed myself) So that is why I stress that I’m not.

Yeah Amelia likes attention but she is self absorbed. (Me me me me me). She likes attention thats makes her a glowing tool…eeerrr torch to beckon all the young fan girls into the hopes that they too can be her.

While all attention (good or bad) is attention. Certain attention gets under her skin and honestly for me, I find it hysterical.

Legit when I post about her, its because i either think something is just that asinine(lingerie) or its to specifically see what rise I will get out of her. (Rio) I’m always rewarded. I can’t answer for why others post about her so that is why I separate myself out

I do it for no other reason than to enjoy the flip out that comes after.

Unlike others, I do defend some actions. I mean she is a product of how she grew up. And a product of the PR game.

Sokesson to be learned here? Parenting is important. It is the difference between spoiled and spoiled brat.

. Hope that helps. But as I said I can’t (read that as won’t) speak for others.

Like damn , can’t a bitch just want to happy
To feel whole .
Y'all selfish ass only thinking about y'all fantasies and not the actual person that involved in the fantasy. I’m just saying telling a trans girl to not get a vagina because “ the demand for her will go down ” is fucked up, and very damaging . 🤦🏾‍♀️🙄
I honestly don’t even care about the sex at this point . I just want to be happy with myself for once in my life . Respect it or keep it moving baby .

just because you seem to be slower at understanding something, does not, in any way mean that you’re less smart or inferior. you’re on your own path of learning. every single step is progress, no matter how slow you think you’re going.

reblog if

you’ve ever just been in bed or even on the floor scrolling…



and you know you should stop but for some reason you keep scrolling and not switching off your phone/laptop even though it’s 3am.

please tell me i’m not alone.


hannibal + @screenshotsofdespair (1/?)

Have you no idea that you’re in deep? 

I’ve dreamt about you nearly every night this week 

How many secrets can you keep? 

‘Cause there’s this tune I’ve found That makes me think of you somehow 

And I play it on repeat Until I fall asleep

【TRANS】 EXO - Touch It (Lyrics by CHEN)

No words can replace you
They are unnecessary
It cannot be expressed
I don’t need anything else if I just have you
Yes if I only have you
Your dizzying silhouette
Even your shadow is beautiful
All of your small actions that
Make me go crazy
When you slightly sweep your hair up
That sexy gesture gesture baby
Your gesture gesture
I lost my way when I was caught
By my attraction to you gesture gesture baby
My gesture gesture
Ay and she goes like nanana
Ay all the girls go nanana
Oh yeah
You in front of me now is absolutely
Feeling good now
Feeling good now
Yeah I’m feeling good now
But in my mind boom how should I say it
What what in my head black out uh
My imagination is awakened
I draw hundreds of figures of you
Your small motions all seem like your voice
When you slightly sweep your hair up
That sexy gesture gesture baby
Your gesture gesture
I lost my way when I was caught
By my attraction to you gesture gesture baby
My gesture gesture
All my ladies say yeah nanana
Ay with one voice feel me nanana
All my ladies say yeah nanana
Yo yo sing it again nanana
Why do we need a reason
It doesn’t need to be great
Just one of your trivial gestures
Torments me
You shake me babe
Oh you got what I want
Ay ay I only need you
That’s all babe
Oh you got what I want
Ay Ay just stay by my side
We don’t want to regret
I can’t help myself
Even if I don’t pretend to stay calm and let it show
I keep falling for you without knowing it
Gradually without you knowing
Your eyes are facing me
Did you think I didn’t know yeah
Tell me if you want me
When you slightly sweep your hair up
That sexy gesture gesture baby
Your gesture gesture
I lost my way when I was caught
By my attraction to you gesture gesture baby
My gesture gesture
Sing it sing it baby nanana
Ay c'mon c'mon do it again nanana
Do it together with me
Your white fingertips
Oh as if you’re teasing me
And sometimes as if you’re indifferent
Your gesture gesture to me
Make me dizzy
Show me a little more
Oh as if I pass by you
Watch it baby
Maybe I’ll get closer to you
Watch it baby
My gesture gesture
Will stop you stop you
trans: andie @ fychen ϟ please take out with full credit!

Hearthstone Charm

It’s been a hot minute since I posted a spell or craft. Here’s one that’s both.

This is budget friendly and super low energy. It’s based on the Hearthstone in World of Warcraft (because you know me, I love my pop culture witchery). In Warcraft, your Hearthstone allows you to teleport back to one ‘home’ location anywhere in the game. You find an innkeeper, tell him to set that location as ‘home’, and then after that, you can return to that spot any time you choose no matter how far away you are.

That’s the idea we’re harnessing here. “There’s no place like home”, if you will. Sometimes I’m out in a public place and I get overloaded and really need to go home, or I’m having a really difficult day at work and I don’t want to be there anymore. I keep this stone in my pocket and then just hold it when I need a breather. I use my stone to get myself to a ‘home’ mindset, giving me a feeling of safety and calm. (If you want to go to the extra effort, you could enchant your stone to be a ‘go home early’ charm if you want to physically go home, but that’s up to you.)

You will need:

  • A rock from your chosen home location
  • Paint or a marker (light blue if you’re sticking with the Warcraft theme, but as usual, you do you, boo)

That’s it. That’s literally all the materials you need.

Now, I say “chosen home location”. My rock is from my yard at my house. For some people, their house is where they want to escape from, not return to, and that’s okay. You can also choose a rock from your school, your friend’s house, a park you love, or wherever you feel the most safe.

Here’s the beauty of the spell: The rock is already charged and cleansed because it’s been hanging out in the ground like rocks do, absorbing all that ‘home’ energy.

Give the rock a clean, but NOT a cleanse. You don’t want to clear out the energy your rock already has, but you do want to make sure you’re not carrying around any gross bacteria in your pocket. Soap, water, maybe some rubbing alcohol or something, but leave the salt and incense smoke out of it.

Paint or draw on the swirl symbol you see above. (If warcraft isn’t your jam and you have a different symbol you associate with home, or you want to make a sigil, go right ahead.)

That’s it. You’re done. The ground already did all the work for you, so you don’t need to expend any of your own energy.

God I want Wynonna Earp to get renewed SO BADLY. Not just for myself but literally just for the cast. They’re such an amazing group of people and I know they would be devastated if it wasn’t continued. They’ve worked so hard, and you can tell just by how fast this season has been moving, and the heart they’ve put into every episode. This cast deserves to keep their jobs, and the show deserves to keep going.

au where Levi works as a speed cleaner for college students as a chump change part time job and Eren contacts him because his parents are coming to town and damn his dorm is a mess.

Eren leaves a key for Levi and pays in advance so he can pick his parents up from the airport (at least Eren left a very good tip)

Levi has 40 minutes to somehow clean an entire wardrobe on the floor, coffee stains and junk food dust all over the kitchen counters and whatever that sticky shit is on the bathroom floor

so Levi gets to work and stresses his ass off trying to clean this shit up but gets an alarming amount of texts about 30 minutes later that Eren is already back at the dorm and needs Levi to get out before they see him (Eren don’t want his parents to know he gross)

welp Levi gets the texts too late (he frantically kicks clothes under the bed and tries his best) and just as he’s beginning to leave Eren swings the door open and smacks Levi right in the face

so a bloody nose and a million stuttering apologies later Grisha and Carla are obviously wondering who this guy is

and while Eren helps Levi with his nose he blurts out the first thing he can think of

“my boyfriend”

and while Eren and Levi are face to face Eren just winces from embassment and with grit teeth he quietly begs Levi to go along with it

and Levi just sticks his hand out and gestures for more cash but in reality Levi is 100% okay with this because no matter how disgusting this kid is he’s actually pretty cute

from there on out let the mutual secret pining begin and Levi has to now tolerate eren’s parents and fly out of town with Eren to keep up the boyfriend facade during holiday dinners and this goes on for a whole two years (that’s like 4 or 5 freaking dinners to sit through)

Levi is now in multiple photos hanging around the house

so for the next Christmas photo Levi takes it another step and surprises Eren with an engagement ring and Erens like “oo good idea” but Levi’s dead serious and Eren turns four shades darker and just sobs during the rest of the photoshoot

There's no such thing as a perfect person

No matter how hard you try to be good, every once in a while you’re going to slip up. And that’s OKAY!

As long as you keep Trying to do better. And no matter how hard you try, you can’t please everyone. There will Always be people who don’t like you or won’t forget your past. AND THAT’S OKAY!

Just keep trying to be a better You

ok guys it’s 5 am so time for some real talk. In the bpd tag I see a lot of joking posts about bpd. And that’s fine, I’ve made plenty of joking posts about it. Some of us do it as a coping mechanism, but I don’t think those posts really do explaining bpd justice.

I’m not going to sugarcoat this. I’m not going to romanticize my illness. This is a long one and you don’t have to read but if you aren’t borderline and want to truly understand what having this disorder is like then go ahead and read this whole thing.

Imagine standing in an empty pool in the middle of winter, and suddenly it just fills for no reason and you’re instantly drowning. I’ve heard it brilliantly summed up as “chronic irrationality.” Think severe mood swings, impulsivity, instability, and a whole lot of explosive anger.

BPD feels like floating above a party, above the laughter, looking down at the smiling people who understand one another, and thinking: Why not me?

It sends you into spirals of self-doubt and hatred. You know something within you is twisted, and even once you’re told what, you’re left wondering why.

There’s always this stifling sense of isolation. I can be surrounded by the most supportive friends and still think they’re out to get me, or they’re going to leave (however this area has been gradually getting better).

It almost goes without saying that it’s hard to maintain relationships. The combination of feeling absolutely nothing while flinching at everything doesn’t make for a whole lot of fun. BPD makes me lash out, allowing some of the cruelest things to tumble from my mouth. And believe me, there are only so many times loved ones will forgive a lack of control.

People describe BPD like that: a switch. A big switch going off in an invisible instant. One moment you’re as high as the sky, the next you’re 10 feet underground. There’s no in between. And unfortunately, like depression, it places the obligation on people who are not necessarily in a position to help or understand, no matter how much they may care for you. In a relationship, BPD can leave both people feeling isolated.

In reality, you are someone without a sense of self.

We have been labeled as some of the most manipulative people. And yes I will admit, not proudly, that I have a past of manipulation. However, not ALL borderlines are manipulative. Some are very calm and keep themselves in order. And many, like myself, get therapy to fix it and many other things. However, it can take months/years for the therapy to show effects. But I will tell you this: Us borderlines are some of the most loving people. We will love you so much as long as you let us.

Bpd is draining on you and everyone around you. It’s not pretty. It’s not fun. It’s hard. It’s fucking hard. So I just thought I’d let people know what having bpd is really like from my point of view.

And trust me, there’s a lot more to it but that’s the best way I can explain it.

anonymous asked:

I will build you a fucking shrine if you write peter coming out as a bi to tony and tony being like, "hell yeah me too"!!!!!! (I'll probably cry happy tears too)

Okay. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

He could do this. He could do this. It was all going to be fine. He could do this. 

Fuck. How the hell was anyone supposed to do this?

He checked his watch for the fifteenth time that minute. Tony was currently 12 seconds late. But he was always late, so this was fine. It didn’t mean anything. He was just caught up again. Which was normal. 

Unless he’s found out and now hates me and is going to take the suit away and yell at me and never speak to me ever ever again-

“God, Peter, pull yourself together,” he muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair and then clasping it into a fist in his lap. It was all going to be okay. It was. He just needed to keep breathing.

Fuck. Why was he even here? Why had he called Tony in the first place? Take an hour of your day please, Mr Stark, I need to tell you something that I’ve only just found out myself and is probably something you don’t care about at all anyway-

This was stupid. He should have just waited until it could come up in casual conversation, not….whatever this was. Pulling Tony out of his busy day in order to tell him this stupid thing was…well, it was stupid! 

God, his hands were shaking.

What if Tony reacted badly? What if he got angry? What if…

what if he never wanted anything to do with Peter again?

It happened. He knew it happened. He’d heard all the horror stories. Kids, kicked out of homes by parents who had loved them unconditionally before. Put on the streets because they loved the wrong people.

Not that Tony would ever do that. Peter was scared, but he wasn’t stupid. For starters, Peter didn’t even live with Tony anyway. 
Well. He hung out with Tony in his workshop after school more often than not, and occasionally slept there if Aunt May was doing the nightshift, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t deal without it. He’d been fine before Tony came along.

But that wouldn’t even happen. He was making this out to be bigger than it was. Tony was cool. Tony would be fine. And even if he didn’t like it, he knew that New York still needed Peter on side, so he probably wouldn’t take the suit back, or kick him out. 


Suddenly, there was a four-beat knock on the door, and Peter practically flew off the couch in his living room from the surprise.

Okay. Okay. Showtime. 

It was going to be fine.

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