if i had a life i wouldn't do these things

anonymous asked:

HELLO HI i have a question.... i rly like to draw but i don't have time to actually learn stuff and have a bit of a problem with hair and i really liked the ones u just posted so, if u wouldn't mind and had the time, could you please post like pictures with the steps of how you do it? THNK YOU LOVE YOU

Hi Anonnie!!
I am really really sorry this took so long! ;u; But life is busy you know

I made this little thing on how I personally approach drawing hair, this is by no means a full tutorial or anythying but I hope these pointers will help you a little bit :)

sadly I don’t have time to do a full tutorial atm (not that I am in any way shape or form an expert lol)

about the part of you saying you don’t have time to learn stuff: 

you can learn ALOT by just observing and carrying a sketchbook around with you and draw stuff/ do quick sketches and studies of the things you see around you. By actually LOOKING at real life examples or reference pictures and drawing what you want to improve in over and over again, progress will eventually come around.

I hope this is helped you a little bit!
keep drawing :D

 about how marta went from overanalyzing x-men to meta about extent of merlin’s powers.

so, it was already established that my x-men obsession has returned, that much we know, but rewatching and seeing the old movies made me want to point out a couple of things about merlin. see, we have jean grey who’s an extremely powerful mutant and perhaps the only level 5 mutant alive. she has telekinesis, telepathy and her phoenix powers which basically means she can alter the reality to her will, right?

and then i have merlin, and i think if he were a mutant there would probably be no possible class for him, with how powerful he is.

see, i know just fine that magic is obviously different than mutations, but still it makes me consider it for a little longer. because really, when merlin arrives in camelot (he’s eighteen), his powers are still purely instinctual, by the time it all unwraps in the show he’s already extremely powerful (he’s just twenty-eight). and yet it is said he has power he cannot yet conceive. which makes you think that yes, he will be more powerful. even more so, that by the modern times he’s already 1500+ years old. he is so powerful that his magic makes him immortal. as much that he mastered the power over life and death.

now, if we know that and we know he’ll have all the time in the world to develop his skills, let me analyze what he could already do during the young years of his life we already saw in the show. mind you, some of which were accessed through spells, and yet seeing as he is claimed to be the most powerful sorcerer to ever have walked the earth, it’s still the specific abilities he possesses that allow him to do so many things.

keep in mind all of these are canon things he could do just in the show.

  • telekinesis. one of the first abilities he’s ever had. he mentions he could move objects with his mind before he could talk or walk. a very powerful kind he used from day one to the end of the show for very different purposes (as much just levitating things to flying countless people through the air with blasts of telekinetic energy).
  • control over elements. it’s also been shown from early on, in various forms, and all four of them. example is simple lighting fires, creating earthquakes or dangerous creation of handy tornados, etc.
  • control over weather. a little different from the control over elements, but still very valid. could be for example creating fog to cover up, or creating huge ass lightnings (like the one that killed Nimueh or defeated the entire army of Saxons).
  • slowing down molecules / time. it’s actually the first magical ability that was purely instinctual that was shown on the show. it’s hard to say whether it’s just molecules or the time itself, but it’s i think very close to one another.
  • telepathy / borderline mind control. seemingly different, but tied together. merlin first started to hear, as well as communicate with other magic users through telepathy. it was a thing yet to develop, but we could later see him using crystals to communicate with arthur for example. plus, he did use his magic to bend will (of arthur’s once, to get him safely out of camelot).
  • empathy / sensing. he was always very tied to places and magic, as well as being able to sense the magic in places and people. he could also sense spirits or magic cast at people.
  • healing. he could heal great wounds that were not inflicted by magical creatures (with obvious practice) as well as the effect of poison, some injuries or certain types of magic. 
  • projection / conjuring. it’s a very difficult skill that generally speaks against all the laws of magic (ones we even see in harry potter). merlin himself said no one can make butterflies appear from thin air, and yet we see him do the exact thing much later. it’s basically complete bending of reality and making things with actual body and purpose out of thin air.
  • energy / energy blasts / bending life and death. he was able to conjure blasts of pure, raw energy (like seen with killing sophia’s father for example), as well as conjuring energy that could kill things already dead or created from pure magical essence (like griffins for example).
  • shields / defensive magic. he was able to shield himself from many attack from both magical as well as non magical threats, like for example creating magical force protecting him from dragon’s breath. putting barriers around his mind definitely count too.
  • clairvoyance. this was always more of morgana’s true purpose and merlin wasn’t a seer, but he did have prophetic visions, sometimes dreams. he was also one of the very few creatures able to use crystal of neahtid which was essentially one of the crystals from crystal cave which allowed him to see the past, the present and the future.
  • necromancy / mediumship / summoning spirits. all of these appeared, though on yet different level and up to discovering more in the future. necromancy was especially shown when morgana summoned lancelot’s shade and he proved capable of it, and spirit work happened a few times as well, though not always by his hand (but clearly he was capable of both).
  • transfiguration / shapeshifting. it’s very close to conjuring, however it’s about changing the things that already exist into something else. it was for example turning a statue into an animal or conjuring snakes. but it was also himself turning into his various aliases, like ageing spell with dragoon or turning into the dolma.
  • dragonlord legacy. this is something inherited from his father and merlin is the last of his kind. he can command dragons and creatures alike, make them rise to life and many other things tied to his kin.
  • many other abilities. there are plenty of other abilities he had shown, but i can’t possibly name them all. they include things like extremely fast gathering information, very high resilience to things, seeing the path ahead of him, and plenty, plenty other things.
  • immortality. that alone is a result of being so powerful. the druids called him emrys and it’s his second true name, which means sorcerer cursed with immortality. it means that merlin can die, but never permanently, unless he’s ran through a sword forged in dragon’s breath through the heart. the last sword of that kind (excalibur) he both created and cast away to avalon with king arthur after his death, resulting in him being unable to die and having to wait for centuries for the arrival of new age.

now, there are obviously more abilities there which i failed to mention, and keep in mind that these are just things that he could do while still in the show (up till he was twenty-eight). he will develop his skills over time and become truly the most powerful being, and then truly the last of his kind (as it is canon that magic is dying out from the lands). the only things he cannot do is die, truly bring back the dead to life and move in time.

still, also keep in mind that while merlin is extremely powerful and being called magic itself, while he’s half being of old religion, the other part of him is still human (even if that part of him would cool off over time). there is also no doubt that whichever universe he’d be, it’d force him to hide away, because knowing about such power is asking for trouble. people do seek power and whatever it can bring them and that alone has been a trouble back in the show ; it surely will prove to be in the future too.


Moffat Appreciation Day 2016: Happily Ever After

Last year, I wrote about the overwhelming optimism that drove the characters of the Eleventh Doctor’s era to overcome dark situations that could have destroyed them, and this year I want to return to that theme having now seen the last two episodes of series 9 and how that optimism had transformed but ultimately still triumphed.

Where the Eleventh Doctor’s era could be described much like a children’s fairy tale with characters who are put into truly horrifying situations that they overcome through the power of love, the Twelfth Doctor’s era brought the darker side of those stories into focus. Love remained one of the most powerful forces in the universe, but this era explored the reality that love doesn’t always last a lifetime, even for the main characters. 

Rory and Amy left the show when their story was finished, and they lived long, happy lives, dying of old age off screen. We all know Cinderella will one day die and so will Amy Pond, but the picture book ends long before that day. When Amy Pond stopped being the Girl Who Waited, it was the beginning of the end of her time on the show, but River Song and Clara Oswald remained on the show long after the stories of ‘The Woman who Killed the Doctor” and “The Impossible Girl” had been resolved. 

And they lived until their lives were cut short in tragic, yet heroic deaths. With the direction the show had been taking in series 8 and 9, their stories could have been bleak reminders of the reality that many people die before they ever reach old age, and what we think of as happily ever after is rare (if not impossible), but instead, their endings came with an acceptance of the inevitability of death, while at the same time allowing these women to control their fate in a way we can only dream of in the real world. 

The show did not lose all of its optimism as it grew out of it’s fairy tale era, and instead of telling us that River and Clara won’t get their happily ever afters, it asked us to examine how we define happily ever after. Clara Oswald will face the raven and River Song will go to the Library, but those endings do not prevent them from having their own happily ever afters. These two characters are given the opportunity to seize the time they do have and live it the best they can so that when they die, they will have lived full lives on their own terms. Happily ever after does not mean forever. It’s a message we can all take to heart knowing that we too will not live forever. 

Clara flies off to see the universe with her new companion, and River Song spends 24 years with the man she loves (and with a vortex manipulator and a time machine, it could easily be more than 24 years). They will both die, just as we will all die, but their stories are neither tragedies nor fairy tales. Their stories are examples of what fantasy does best - addressing the harsh realities of life while allowing the characters to do the things we wish we could do, taking both time and death into their own hands.


I’m just not great at this, being a mom. I was just a kid myself, I wasn't that much older than you when I had you, and I had nobody to show me how.

"You wouldn't understand" was the last thing I told her.

One of my closest friends growing up helped me through a long road of self destructive behavior induced by my family’s religious values over the fact I was gay. Eventually they kicked me out and I was left to figure things out on my own. She helped me through some of my darkest times where my depression made me start excessively doing drugs and coming close more than once to killing myself.

I chose to cut out everyone from my life. I blocked communication from anyone who had known me growing up and left the state. This included her. I even started going by a new name. I wanted to disappear, for the old me to die and never be found again. It was selfish, but successful.

Eventually I stabilized, and I got curious. I went searching on Facebook a few years later. I found her picture and a horror story unraveled before me. Next to her smiling face was a suicide note she posted. Reading it was like reliving my own childhood, but instead of someone being there to help she just suffered in silence. She was trans and incapable of dealing with the backlash of coming out, the humiliation her family put her through, the “Pray the gay away” camps and excessive self hatred instilled into her by those religious fanatics she was sent to.

“They don’t understand.” She wrote to the world, continuing to explain that she had bought a gun and finally found the courage to make the decision to end her life. What followed the message was a massive flurry of confused friends and family members begging for information. One of them had rushed to her house after seeing it and posted a couple hours later from the hospital… “She’s gone. I didn’t make it in time.”

A self inflicted gunshot to the head…

In finding my own selfish way through life I missed the opportunity to repay the one person who held the guiding light for me for so long.

anonymous asked:

i'm a new grad and just got an interview for a nicu position. i have always seen myself in l&d or peds but this residency had nicu positions open. i never really considered critical care but i know nicu is highly specialized and many people have said you will hate it if you don't LOVE nicu. its a specialty i could see myself in but i wouldn't say i've wanted to be a nicu nurse for my entire life or anything. should i go for it? i don't want to find that i hate it and can't handle it :/

Hi hi hi!

First, congrats on finishing nursing school and welcome to the world of nursing!

There’s this really great quote by Amy Poehler and it goes like this:

“Great people do things before they’re ready. They do things before they know they can do it. Doing what you’re afraid of, getting out of your comfort zone, taking risks like that - that is what life is. You might be really good. You might find out something about yourself that’s really special, and if you’re not good? Who cares? You tried something. Now you know something about yourself.”

My advice is this:

At least take the interview. Interviewing experience as a new nurse is super important! And the fact that you got a residency interview is an amazing accomplishment that you should be very proud of.

Ask the interviewers questions that you’re worried about (in a professional manner). For example, you might say something along the lines of, “Nursing school doesn’t expose students to such an intense, highly specialized area. Can you tell me how you help new grad nurses who are immersed in this environment straight out of school?” And… “What are the qualities of your most successful nurses?” (to see if you have them yourself!)

When I did my residency program we floated through several units. I came into the program thinking I wanted to do heme/onc and when I floated through I hated it. (No disrespect to my awesome PHO nurses! You’re the bomb!) NICU was not my first choice although I am VERY glad that’s where I ended up. Thankfully my mentors saw something in me that was a good fit for the unit. And now I can say I wouldn’t want to do clinical nursing anywhere else at this point in my career.

It is very different than L&D and peds, no beating around the bush there. You need to be meticulous, be a strong advocate for your patients (they can’t tell you what’s wrong!), a good communicator with families and medical teams alike. You need to be okay with a range of patients (depending on the acuity level your unit is). There are days that are boring and there are days where you never sit down. I like that there’s a mix personally.

Have there been people who have come into the NICU and hated it? Sure. I don’t think that’s the majority, though. And like any field in nursing, if you don’t like it, you do something for a year and then you take that experience and move on.

Let’s say you just hate it. You put in your 6 months or a year before transferring out, right? You go to L&D? Do you know how appreciative your patients will be if their baby is in the NICU and you can provide first hand knowledge of what that environment is like? To be able to comfort them that their child is receiving the best care in the world?

Even peds… guess where many of our patients end up? Back on the floor or in the PICU. Premies especially have a lot of follow ups. My son, for example was born at 35 weeks and has 3 VSDs and an ASD. His prematurity has also affected other things. He gets to see a pediatric cardiologist, pulmonologist, neurosurgeon, and opthamologist. Having an intimate knowledge of how the premie course affects the children that would be under your care in the peds environment is huge! I can tell the difference in nursing care when my son’s nurse has a deep understanding of his entire course, not just the immediate issue that is presenting itself.

The long and the short of it, anon, is go for it. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll love it. And if not NICU nursing specifically, you’ll love that you got to work in a highly specialized area straight out of nursing school and get to take that knowledge and experience with you wherever you end up.

I hope that helps!

(Keep in touch and let me know what you decide!)

  • Roman: W-why is he looking at me like that? Is he crushing on me or something?
  • Jane&Weller: Yes.
  • Roman: And is that a nORMAL THING? Like... should I do something about it?
  • Weller: *Sighs* Just roll with it.
  • Jane: He had a thing for us when we first met, guess that we no longer mean much to him since we're married now.
  • Rich: It wouldn't be appropiate to have a crush on a married couple, you know...
  • Weller: We were playing a married couple back in the Hamptons, Rich.
  • Rich: Yeah, but now that it's official and now that my heart is officially broken for not getting an invitation to the wedding, I may add, I gotta move on with my life, you guys.
  • Roman: Yeah, but why does it have to be with me.
  • Rich: Have you seen yourself lately? Oh my goodness, I guess those good looks come from the Doe family tree.

anonymous asked:

Hey I just saw your post about trw and let me tell you it was too late for me. I thought to give it a try (recommened by netflix). I finished the whole series today because I was alone and apparently like to suffer. The first few episode I could live with but then the rape happened and that just broke me. I've had cases of rape in my family and that just made me an emotional wrack again. I warned my family members about it so they wouldn't get triggered because I was crying for hours afterwards

Yeah. I think the other thing people seem to be discounting here is how hard it is to look away from something so disturbing once you’ve started? That’s a documented phenomenon. And people also tend to have that “well it can’t get worse than this” thing, and then life (or this show) are like, “surprise!” 

I’m sorry it messed with you so much. I hope you’re doing a little better - take care of yourself, okay?

anonymous asked:

Hi! I wanted to see if u agree with this term " no ones life can ever be perfect".

there’s no such thing as perfect, you know. it’s especially hard to see on social media since a person can always filter out the bad things in their life and only post about the good things. but honestly, perfect doesn’t matter. sure, you’re gonna have ups and downs, but it’s the times that are rough and tough that really make you appreciate the happier and better things in life.

  • Connie: Your... your wife, wasn't a Christian?
  • Jack: Not that I know of.
  • Connie: But if your wife wasn't a Christian, then why...
  • Jack: ...Did I marry her?
  • Connie: Yeah.
  • Jack: Same reason as Jason. I was blinded by love. I became a Christian when I was a teenager.
  • Connie: Teenager? But I thought you and Whit became Christians when you were kids.
  • Jack: Whit did, but I didn't. Oh, I went to church with him every Sunday, attended all the church functions, I even counted a number of believers among my friends. But I didn't come to Christ until my late teens.
  • Connie: Oh.
  • Jack: Yeah, I was the proverbial seed that sprung up on rocky soil. I sprang up fast, on fire for Christ, but because I didn't have the grounding I needed I soon withered and fell away. When I met Emily, my wife, I was straying from my new faith. She was a lovely woman, Connie. So kind, gracious, beautiful blue eyes. Anyway, shortly after we were married I had a profound experience that caused me to rededicate my life to God. Emmy was very happy for me, but that's as far as it went. No matter how hard I pushed, almost to the breaking point one time, she- she wouldn't believe, so I stopped pushing. Emmy ended up doing the same thing with me as I had with Whit. Oh, She attended church, went to all the functions, and even counted a number of believers among her friends. But she never accepted Jesus into her heart. We lived our entire lives and grew old together that way. Then three years ago, Emmy suffered a debilitating stroke that robbed her of movement and speech. I tried to take care of her, but she deteriorated rapidly.
  • Connie: How sad.
  • Jack: Yes, it was. The night before she passed away, I went to her and I told her Jesus' parable of the workers from Matthew 20. You know it?
  • Connie: Yeah, about the man who hired workers for his vineyard at different times of the day but paid them all the same wage when the day was over.
  • Jack: When I had finished I took Emmy's hand and I told her, I told her, "It's never too late to come to Jesus." She looked at me with those- those blue eyes, it was all the movement she had, and then a tear rolled down her cheek. She- she died the next morning.
  • Connie: So, you won't know if she accepted Jesus until...
  • Jack: Yes, until heaven. I- I don't want anyone, especially Jason to have to go through that. And even more importantly, neither does God.

Alex doing things doesn’t usually affect me near as much as Ivar doing things does… But watching him dance on that little comic con video…. That’s affecting me. 

i am actually shocked by how many people hate Tara 

like….why…..? i truthfully do not understand. someone please explain what Tara did to make people hate her to such an extreme?

I mean, to each their own, but I am just really curious.

In my opinion, one of the bravest things that a human being can ever do is to go through something absolutely unbearable and then share their experience with the world. I think the braver you are, the more brutally honest you are… um… guys this is sad… this is not… I’m just… um…

There’s a woman here tonight named Maya Thompson. She has lived in this area, brought her kids up in this area. I wouldn't know half as much as I do about Childhood Cancer and Childhood Cancer Research if she hadn’t shared her story about her son Ronan. The thing about Childhood Cancer is it’s really really hard to talk about and it’s really not something that you bring up because it makes everyone really really upset. But the fact that she brought it up, she had this blog called RockstarRonan and I would read it every night. In it was this account of what it’s like to watch Cancer take over your life, and since then I’ve had cancer hit really close to me in my family. So because Maya’s right there, I would like for you to give her a round of applause please.

A few years ago, when I was reading her blog, I decided that her account of things was so heart-wrenching and so honest that I took a lot of the things that she said and I put them into a song and I put her as the co-writer because she is the rightful co-writer of a song called Ronan. When we put it out and all the proceeds of that song go to the Ronan Thompson Foundation and other Childhood Cancer Research. There are a lot of really really incredible kids in this city who are getting some of the best medical treatment. I just wanted to take a moment and try and play this song. I can’t promise that I will sing it well or not get really emotional but I’m going to try because the only other time I’ve played this was on a show called Stand Up To Cancer and I think that because Maya’s here tonight, I think she deserves it.

—  Taylor Swift Intro to Ronan (08/17/15)

faxwhispering  asked:

Bish, u better propose!

        they’ve both had an admirable number of drinks—of varying types, from varying countries, because if there is one thing solo will be certain to do throughout his life, it’s show donna what can be found around the world. ( he always gets his hands on a bottle or two of something upscale before he returns. sometimes they’re purchased. other times, however… ) now, they have been enjoying a bottle of pisco he had picked up in peru, and while anyone wise might call it a night, he knows that they’ll be up into the odd hours, until donna has draped herself across the couch, or has probably made a bed of him, and he realizes, then carries her off to tuck her in.

        another glass won’t hurt. it’s nice, he thinks, to drink without the need to take any edge off. not that he normally does as much, but drinking in celebration is certainly far more relieving, all the more so with company he adores.

        it’s an offhanded remark; he should marry her, she says, because she keeps him very much in line more often than not. and he takes it to heart, smiling, draining the remainder of his glass and noting that donna has already emptied hers. so it’s time to pour another round, and rather than to do so and hand one to her, he pours some of the pisco into each of their glasses, then takes one in each hand, and he lowers himself to a knee before her.

         ❝ because you’ve made such a compelling argument, ❞ solo begins, and slowly, he lifts the glass toward her, presenting and bowing his head—like she’s something to be revered, because she is, he knows. ❝ donna paulsen, ❞ the glass is slipped into her hand, awaiting for her to curl her fingers around it.

         ❝ given that as far as marriages are concerned, i’m fairly sure we’ve already hit the mark; will you have another drink with me?

The Last Five Years Starter Sentences (Part Two)
  • "You're sitting there, eating your corn beef sandwich, and all of the sudden this pair of breasts walks by and smiles at you."
  • "It's just a challenge to resist temptation."
  • "I'm showing her my left hand. I am gesticulating with my left hand."
  • "There's this really awkward moment where I try to show I wasn't encouraging this, though of course I sort of was."
  • "I shouldn't care what she thinks since I can't fuck her anyway."
  • "I'll be so proud to call you 'mine.'"
  • "Don't give up on me yet."
  • "I am so proud of you baby."
  • "When I walk in the room there's a table of men, always men - usually gay."
  • "I am a good person. I'm an attractive person. I am a talented person. Grant me Grace."
  • "I should have told them I was sick last week, they're going to think this is the way I sing."
  • "Why is the director staring at his crotch?"
  • "Don't stare at my resume, I made up half my resume."
  • "Stop looking at that, look at me."
  • "I hate these fucking shoes."
  • "Why's I pick these shoes? Why'd I pick this song? Why'd I pick this career?"
  • "If I don't get the callback I can go to Crate and Barrel with mom and buy a couch."
  • "I'm obviously such a horrible annoying distraction to him - what's he gonna be like when we have kids."
  • "Jesus Christ! I suck, I suck, I suck."
  • "I will not be the girl stuck at home in the 'burbs with the baby, the dog, and the garden of herbs."
  • "I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels to be trodding along at the genius' heels."
  • "I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by."
  • "There are people, and they are publishing my book."
  • "While you've made it very clear that you're not going - I will be going."
  • "Is it really about a party?"
  • "Can we just for a minute stop blaming and say what you feel?"
  • "Did you think this would all be much easier than it's turned out to be?"
  • "If I didn't believe in you, we'd never have gotten this far."
  • "It never took much convincing to make me believe in you."
  • "Don't we get to be happy? At some point down the line?"
  • "If I'm cheering on your side, why can't you support mine?"
  • "Why do I have to feel I've committed some felony doing what I always swore I would do?"
  • "I don't want you to hurt. I don't want you to sink. But you know what I think? I think you'll be fine."
  • "I will not fail so you can be comfortable. I will not lose because you can't win."
  • "This is the life I choose - this is the thing I can't bear to lose."
  • "If I hadn't believed in you, I wouldn't have loved you at all."
  • "My best friend had a little situation at the end of our senior year."
  • "I thought about what I wanted- it wasn't like that at all."
  • "He wouldn't leave me alone unless I went with him to dinner."
  • "I guess he was cute, and Iguess eh was smart, and I guess he was good in bed."
  • "I gave up my life for the better part of a year."
  • "He needed to take some 'time off,' focus on his 'career.'"
  • "He blew me off with a heartfelt letter."
  • "You don't have to change a thing just stay with me."
  • "I want you and you and nothing but you."
  • "Finally I'll have something worthwhile to think of each morning."
  • "I don't need any lifetime commitments, I don't need to get hitched tonight."
  • "When we get to my house take a look at that town, take a look at how far I've gone."
  • "I feel like my life led right to your side and will keep me there from now on."
  • "Say you'll move in with me."
  • "I made a promise. I took a vow. I wrote a story, and we changed the ending."
  • "Nobody needs to know."
  • "I start making concious, deliberate mistakes."
  • "Come back to bed, kid."
  • "Hold on, don't cry yet. I won't let you go."
  • "Since I need to be in love with someone, maybe I could be in love with someone like you."
  • "All you can say and all you can feel was wrapped up inside that one perfect kiss."
  • "I have been waiting for you."
  • "Goodbye until the rest of my life."
  • "I called Alise to help me back my bags."
  • "It's not about another shrink, it's not about another compromise."
  • "I don't know what the hell is left to do."
  • "I could never rescue you... all you ever wanted."
  • "All I could do was love you hard and let you go."
  • "So we could fight, or we could wait, or I could go."
  • "I didn't see a way we both could win."
  • "Just close the gate, I'll stand and wait."

faerie-daze  asked:

So like I had this thought, if you get a sigil tattooed on you wouldn't it get charged by your own blood as its getting made?

… As the blood moves and cycles through your body, as it passes nutrients from your food to give you energy, so too would it charge a sigil with that energy and movement. Not to mention it’s basically our life force, and full of so many different things. You can use just blood outside the body to charge a sigil, why did I never think it moving inside you could do the same for a sigil tattoo on your skin? *applauds* Thinking outside the box, you are, thanks for bringing this to light! :D

My kind of Conversation
  • Cute Hot topic employee: Hi can I help you find anything?
  • Me: No I'm just looking. Thanks.
  • Cute Hot topic employee: okay well, if you need anything just call me over . My name is-
  • Me: Jayy. I'm gay. The crazy violent faggot with aids. Well that's what other people say. Then it must be true? Cause everything I rap about are the thing I do? If I have two flying fucks about what the had to say then I wouldn't wake up and be living life this way. Or so it may seem you can't read about me and the things you see and think that's all there is to believe like really? Really? Really?
  • Cute Hot top employee: ...
  • Me: ...
  • Cute Hot topic employee: Marry me?
  • What Arthur said: "That's what worried you?"
  • What he meant: You didn’t care if you were killed?
  • What Merlin said: Some men are born to plow fields, some live to be great Physicians, others to be great kings. Me, I was born to serve you, Arthur. And I'm proud of that. And I wouldn't change a thing."
  • What he meant: I wasn't worried that I'd die. My life is not important, my only concern is you. I’m sorry I hurt you by never telling you, but I’m not sorry for what I’ve done. It’s my destiny to serve you and to do that I needed to keep this from you. If I had a choice to do it all over again, I’d choose serving you, no contest, every time.”

anonymous asked:

You know what angers me the most about this whole thing is that people will once again say that SQers scream homophobia whenever their "delusional" ship is attacked, and you know what, it truly is. Because the last canon otp I had was when I was 11, and the rest were non-canon het ships, and in every con, in every interview, questions about their relationship would come up and they wouldn't get shut down, they wouldn't get called delusional, they wouldn't be rejected so blatantly and viciously.

I have … thoughts about what canon versus non-canon shipping has been in my life.  Do you know what age I was when I saw my first gay woman on a television show I watched?  I was 16, I might have actually been 17.  Pretty far into my confused “why am I not attracted to boys this part of maturity has supposed to have started by now?” phase.  Yes.  Really.  That’s what I thought.

Because why wouldn’t I think that?  There were no role models in my life.

So you know who that first gay woman I identified with was?  Talia Winters from Babylon 5.  I even bought this kind of expensive for a teenager scifi magazine because it had this one paragraph long caption about how Babylon 5 was going to have this gay character.  I became super invested in it.  

She died.  Well functionally died as her brain was rewritten by an evil state security apparatus.  And her bisexual lover went on to have a relationship with a man.

And the next gay woman I saw on television was evil.

And the next one was also evil.

And the next one was dead and evil.  

And by the time I was in my early twenties I’d discovered that all these evil dead lesbians?  They were by design.  The standards and practices, and later the dominant culture, dictated that no homosexuality could be shown in a positive light.  Hence all the evil lesbians.  And evil needed to be punished.  Hence all the dead lesbians.

Xena was on TV when I was a late teen, and you might say, well weren’t they lesbians?  No.  They were not.  One of the most famous gay shows on television when I was growing up.  Celebrated for it’s gayness.  Was only subtext.  Oh.  And they were dead in the end too.  At least one of them was.  I can’t remember because i didn’t watch the show.

It was at least until my twenties before I saw a gay woman as a regular character on television who didn’t die.  That was Kerry Weaver.  Who was often framed as a villain, and demonized by the fandom.  Funny that.

The L Word happened somewhere in that period but I’ve never much liked the L Word.  It wasn’t the kind of television I was interested in.  And here is in fact the lesson of this story.  LGBT representation can’t just be on a couple of shows.  It can’t just be on Orange is the New Black.  It can’t just be on Person of Interest.  Because gay people shouldn’t have to watch shows they aren’t interested in just to see someone like them.  If they want to watch silly fantasy shows like Once they should be able to see people like them there too.

But here is the thing.  If all your canon ships end up dead or ended abruptly (which often happens to gay characters), you have to resort to a non-canon couple like Swan Queen.  The media has left you with no real choice because emotionally investing in that side couple no matter how much you love them… might lead you to the lands of misfit LGBT characters who abruptly disappear from the canon.  Like ER’s Maggie Doyle.  

And here is the thing that worries me about what happened yesterday.  Somewhere out there is someone who was like me.  A teenager who didn’t understand themselves and they are looking for any role model they can identify themselves with while they figure it out.  And that young girl is going to start identifying with Emma and Regina.  After all there are a ton of gay people who do.  Shes’ going to see what we all see.

And then she’s going to get on the internet.  Excited.  And the likelihood is that she’s not going to find a LGBT safe space or an accepting part of the fandom. Because the first place she’s going to look is the official facebook page or the twitter page of someone who seems to be speaking for the show.  Like Yvette Nicole Brown.  

And she’s going to get told that what she sees isn’t real.  That she’s sick for seeing it.  That she’s delusional.  And not wanted.  And any number of other things.  And if I as an adult woman comfortable in my sexuality was depressed and felt like something I valued was treating me like garbage yesterday…. what do you think that young woman thought?

Because I promise you she exists out there somewhere.  And she’s hearing that message loud and clear.

If this fandoms toxic behavior hasn’t contributed to a young queer person’s suicide yet… it’s only a matter of time.