if i get the dogs can i get the boys for free

Viktor Nikiforov is the dork we love.

My favourite Viktor moments are when he is an adorable idiot.

I love exploring Viktor’s character because despite being the most senior character among the skaters and being seen as the one to chase and look up to, this boy truly does a lot of stupid things. To be fair, 27 is still quite young. It’s a shitty age when everyone plus their dog seems to think you know what you are doing except you. I can tell you all the weird decisions and unnecessary drama people have and get into at 27, but then this post will never end.

Now, we know about the whole banquet fiasco and the whole impulsively flying to Japan arms open, dick out thing, not to mention the whole car park “let’s shatter his heart” shenanigans, but I also have these screencaps stewing for maybe a month in my phone because I remember I was rewatching the show and these just made me go, “Oh, Viktor.”

Okay, so we know Hot Springs on Ice all started with Viktor’s idea…

…to which Yurio gamely accepts the challenge and issues his own (while Yuuri adorably panics in the background like the puppy he is)…

…which Viktor also accepts.

Look at him all excited.

Here, though, is where Viktor gets himself in trouble:

He’s been riling Yurio up the entire morning that the kid just up and threw a tantrum and demanded this prize. But then, no problem, since it’s not like Viktor had to accept or anything–

Yuuri’s face when Viktor agreed, though.

*sigh* Same, Yuuri. Same.

It seems that it’s not until later that Viktor realises the trouble he put himself in. At this point, we didn’t know yet just how invested Viktor was in Yuuri Katsuki (i.e., very invested and nursing a weird kind of crush, probably) and how important it is that he doesn’t coach just anyone, but Yuuri Katsuki only. How ever good Yuuri could potentially be, however, there was still a big chance that he could actually lose to Yurio. Yuuri sometimes choked during competition. Yurio, on the other hand, was the juniors gold medallist. There was a very real possibility that Yurio would win and Viktor to have to go back to Russia.

Having realised this, Viktor then began to sport this face:

Yeah, tell me about it.

This is Viktor during Yurio’s performance:

At this point, Viktor didn’t know yet that Yuuri had a breakthrough on his Eros performance. As far as he knew, Yurio was the one who found his Agape. While Yurio’s performance was not perfect, he was doing well enough. But Viktor does not want to go back to Russia. He wants to stay in Japan and get to know Yuuri Katsuki. He can choreograph for another skater, sure, but he does NOT want to be Yuri Plisetsky’s coach.

That, right there, is what Viktor Nikiforov looks like when he knows he is in very deep shit.

What’s interesting though is that these expressions were not really blatantly pointed out in the show. No one notices this, and Viktor just stands in his corner looking like that. With what knowledge we had at episode 3, we don’t know, maybe he just looks thoughtful because Viktor Nikiforov is just a mysterious character. Lol, but rewatching this after season 1 is over?

Yeah, Viktor. Because of you, for about an entire episode, we were in danger of never having the events that would lead to the kiss at the Cup of China, the exchange of rings in Barcelona, and the glorious masterpiece that is Yuuri’s record-breaking free skate. Viktor, Viktor, Viktor… sometimes just… *facepalm*

Thankfully, Yuuri DID find his Eros at the last minute, wins the competition, and consequently saves Viktor’s gorgeous but impulsive arse and gives us the wonderful events of season 1. Thank you, Yuuri! ♡

Lol, look at how happy and relieved this dork is:

There he is, ladies and gentlemen, our Viktor Nikiforov - king of impulsive decisions. For a long time we thought he was such a mysterious character. Now, we just… wtf, we know him better and we love him very much, but sometimes

Viktor, no. For fuck’s sake.

*sigh* Same, Yuuri. Same.

Bonus: Viktor during Yuuri’s Eros performance. He probably realised he’s safe at this point, and I bet he was enthralled again, and possibly getting turned on by Yuuri Katsuki falling in love again.

Oh, Viktor.

AUs

Here are some aus, divided in different themes.

College themed

  1. I’m really passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I have to shove it down your throat
  2. My roommate’s boyfriend is staying over so can I please sleep on your floor
  3. We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances
  4. You peed on my car. You were drunk. I was in the car. There will be hell to pay
  5. My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me
  6. It’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m gonna make that fucker pay
  7. I swear I’m wearing this Batman costume because of a dare
  8. Accidentally knocked on the wrong dorm room college au
  9. Heard a scream and thought you were getting killed but it was just a spider
  10. Somehow, we always end up sitting next to each other during the weekly gatherings to watch [Game of Thrones, SVU, Rupaul’s Drag Race, pick a show] in our dorm’s really good TV room 
  11. I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because i could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly

Awkward first meeting themed

  1. “This horrible umbrella won’t extend! Oh shit I just hit you in the stomach/crotch! I’m so sorry!”
  2. “I just tripped and fell face first into your crotch, god end my life now please.”
  3. “I drunkenly tried to fight you and knocked myself out but you were kind enough to take care of me till I woke up.”
  4. Trapped in a bank during a robbery 
  5. “I met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when i asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why you’re here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger’s backyard in the middle of the night”
  6. “Last night was a haze for both of us and somehow we woke up hungover in a bed that isn’t either of ours and also neither of us recognize this apartment we should probably get out of here before someone calls the cops on us”
  7. “You found me hanging by my fingertips from your window and i don’t want to tell you i was trying to rob you but idk how else to explain this and i don’t want to go to jail and also you’re kind of cute we should make out when i’m not clinging onto your window ledge for my life”
  8. ‘you thought i was someone else and started making out with me at a club and you’re really hot so i just went with it and now we’re heading back to your place and idk how to break it to you’
  9. ‘we’re two thirds of the threesome we had last night and we’re walking awkwardly out of the last persons’s apartment together’
  10. ‘i’ve had a really awful day so i started kicking a car out of frustration and it turned out to be your car i’m so sorry’
  11. “I ordered pizza but the pizzeria got my order wrong so now I’m screaming at my really cute pizza delivery boy because I’m angry and very hungry”

Nobility themed

  1. “your country’s trying to take over/annex my country and you’re making it difficult to hate you because you’re so nice and attractive stop it”
  2. “we’ve been engaged to be married since we were three but this is the first time we’ve met and your portraits really don’t do you justice”
  3. “i’m a prince/ss and you’re a servant and we’re not supposed to hang out but we’re gonna fall in love anyways”

Opposites attract themed

  1. a hopeless romantic and a single-but-proud meet at a store on valentine’s day. the latter is buying valentine cards ironically, the former buying them sincerely in hopes of getting a date
  2. a scary-looking person who unintentionally makes kids cry and a daycare volunteer meet at a children-filled park
  3. rebellious teenager who’s failing all their classes is assigned a studious tutor
  4. really distinguished food critic and fast food chef
  5. a hopeless romantic and a horny beast are set up on a blind date

High school themed

  1. “We’re the only ones in detention”
  2. “I desperately need my books but my locker is blocked and you’re the only one in the hall”
  3. “Someone wrote I’m cute in the bathroom stall and your notes match the handwriting”
  4. “I twisted my ankle and you’re the only one here strong enough to carry me to the nurse’s office but we’re both really awkward”
  5. “We were both left out when everyone was picking partners and now we always choose each other when we have classes together”
  6. “I lent you my cool pencil months ago and you still use it”
  7. “I accidentally took your notebook thinking it was mine and you have really nice handwriting and cute doodles”
  8. “You started sitting by me at lunch because I’m alone at my table but we never talk to each other”
  9. “I was really hungry but had no money and you bought me lunch even though I don’t know you”
  10. “I left my phone number on the bathroom stall wall and you text me about your day and your frustrations for a month & it’s really nice and cute but I still don’t know who you are”
  11. “I fell asleep on your couch after a party but you didn’t complain and made breakfast for the both of us”
  12. sharing a textbook and leaving each other notes and answers in page corners
  13. found their phone number in a library book
  14. dancing partners
  15. younger siblings are best friends
  16. playing romantic interests in a play
  17. “yes i understand that it’s may and this classroom is stuffy but why are you taking your shirt off and why aren’t you in trouble (not that i mind)”
  18. “i can’t believe you dropped the frog we’re dissecting on tHE FLOOR WHAT THE FUCK”
  19. “i’m fightin this person and they shoved me into u im sooo sorry- oh hey you’re cute- oH MY GOD UR KICKIN ASS MARRY ME!!! PLEASE!!!!”
  20. “you asked me to prom by filling my locker with ping pong balls that say “prom?” on them but i tripped on one and smacked my head on a locker but thanks for taking me to the nurse!!! i still want to go with you!!”

Ridicously sentence themed

  1. “I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else.“ 
  2. "Quick catch that cat it stole my wallet!”
  3. “I hope you know that my name is actually ________.”
  4. “That is the tenth demon summoning this week holy shit.”
  5. “Please put me down it’s just a sprained ankle" 
  6. “Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?”
  7. “I’m like 75% this won’t explode on us.”
  8. “I understand the whole sleep talking thing but what I don’t understand is the princess dragon dream and why I’m in it.”
  9. “I’m sorry that I got way too into playing house and accidentally kissed you passionately.”

Height difference themed

  1. “I’m in a bookshop and I really need that book can you get it for me??? Wait you’ve read that book? let’s have an in depth conversation about it.”
  2. “You were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s-worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help”
  3. “We’re both baristas and sometimes I have trouble reaching for things and I show up to work one day to find a personalized stool with hearts and my name on it i hATE YOU but also thanks”
  4. “You are very tall and I am very short so you run into me all the time and honestly this is getting ridiculous”
  5. I’m in art class and I just opened a cupboard to find a tiny person (you) squished inside and you just looked at and said “shh i’m hiding”
  6. “We’re on the bus and I’m really not trying to take up your space I’m sorry I just have rlly rlly long legs” 
  7. “You’re afraid that you’ll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there’s only, like, five people around and I’m getting vry suspicious” 

Reincarnation themed

  1. I fell in love with you three lifetimes ago and I’ve been looking for you ever since but I’ve been starting to give up and my friend’s new crush has your eyes and oh god I’m not going to steal someone’s date just because I’m hoping you’re the person I met in a past life
  2. We keep reincarnating as people who speak different languages and it’s kind of pissing me off because I can never initially confirm if it’s you but at least I keep learning a bunch of cool new languages each lifetime

Mythical creatures themed

  1. “i’m a newly-turned werewolf without a pack and i can’t really control myself well on full moon nights yet and you keep finding me passed out naked on your lawn”
  2. “i got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and ended up getting adopted by someone who is really hot OH NO”
  3. “i’m a history major and i keep getting into arguments with one of my classmates about things because they keep saying i’m wrong so i finally scream, ‘how would you know?!?’ and they’re like, ‘because i was THERE!’ and that’s how we all find out that there is a centuries-old vampire taking our British history class”

Funny meeting at a party themed

  1. “i was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me”
  2. “spilled my drink down your shirt and then tried to drink it off you”
  3. “we had an impromptu rap duet in the middle of the party”
  4. “you kept asking everyone to play the cha cha slide then proceeded to pass out when the song started”
  5. “you keep shouting “THIS IS MY JAM” at every song that comes on i have a headache the size of nebraska you’re lucky you’re cute”
  6. “whenever you saw me you’d shout ‘WHOOOOOOOOO’ really loudly and then do finger guns at me before walking off to god knows where”
  7. “you thought I was your friend and pulled me up on the table to dance with you now you’re shirtless and grinding on me”
  8. “you got up to the mic and started singing and holy shit you’re really good???”
  9. “you’re really bad at beer pong but you do this really cute dance before you throw the ball so I’m letting you stay on my team”
  10. “our mutual friend dared the two of us to chug a whole pint of beer and I’m not going to let you beat me”
  11. “we both grabbed for the last bottle of the good beer and i’m not saying we’re going to fight for it but we are”

Competitive themed

  1. we’re both ‘team leaders’ at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust
  2. I used to be the best baker in the neighbourhood but then you showed up at Mrs Appleby’s 80th birthday with a stack of brownies which almost gave me an orgasm my honour is at stake and I’m going all out for the next event
  3. a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if I’m going down you’re going down with me
  4. you’re going to be at the halloween party and you’ve won best costume for the past three years but this year I am wearing the best costume ever if you defeat me I will eat my - wait you actually look really cute when did you turn hot what the fuck um
  5. we’re always making stupid bets like 'bet you can’t drink this whole bottle of BBQ sauce’ but then you did and now you’re sick and I feel really bad here let me look after you
  6. did you actually just blue shell me on our date you fucker

“We’re bad at dating” themed

  1. I can’t tell whether this is a date because you asked to see a movie but I’m still not sure you’re queer, and I’m toeing the line because maybe you’re just trying to make friends
  2. I decided to flip a coin about every decision in my life for a week and that’s how we ended up on a date
  3. We’re both meant to be going on blind dates with other people but we sat down at the wrong table and got our hopes up
  4. We had one really bad date and never spoke again and now our friends have set us up on a blind date
  5. We’re going on a blind date - but wait a moment, aren’t you that went down on me in a back alley behind a club year ago? … what do you mean “which one”?
  6. You’re my waiter and I’m on a really crappy date with an asshole

I’ve compiled a list of bughead fanfiction I’ve really liked for everyone in the bughead fam! don’t worry if your fic isn’t on here! this is a pretty small list(i read a lot) and i’ll probably make a p2, hope you enjoy xox. 

  • all in english.
  • most of the fics are on ao3 and some on tumblr. 
  • non completed fics will have *.  

smut 

  • you taste like strawberries by aplaceformyshipstoanchor -  Betty gets a job waitressing at Pop’s Diner and Jughead has no problem watching her work. When a situation at work gets sticky, Jughead has no problem helping Betty clean up. 
  • goldilocks by lusterrdust -  Her hair just does something to him.
  • touch me, tease me by lusterrdust -  Jughead is enamored with her, her blonde hair spilling over them like a lustrous curtain and enhancing the sounds of their breathing. He wants to declare his eternal love. He wants to pour out sonnets and ballads and write novels about every freckle on her skin, every blue shade in her eye. He wants to trace his fingers over every inch of her body until there’s no part he hasn’t memorized.
  • friends with benefits by heytherejones * 
  • third time’s the charm by septemberbeauty13 - “Oh God, get a room!” Cheryl said in passing, pushing past them to get to her locker. That was enough to push Betty into a fit of giggles, burying her head into Jughead’s chest. “You know,” Jughead whispered. “I don’t normally take advice from redheads but this is sound advice.”or Jughead and Betty try very hard to get a room. 
  • resplendent by lusterrdust - A bright light all her own, his shadows are drenched in her radiance. 
  • three words by lusterrdust - Betty is an addiction Jughead never wants to be rid of. 
  • stars by lusterrdust - Despite the gritty, gravelly exterior he presents to the world, Jughead is the epitome of sweet toward her. He’s tender and considerate and just the right amount of reticent to be endearing. And though she loves that about him, Betty’s not in the mood for slow and sweet. 
  • in distance by lusterrdust -  It’s the little things he notices that make him ache for her to come back home. 
  • camp stories by jugandbettsdetectiveagency -  Betty and Jughead end up sharing a tent when the core four go camping. 
  • close calls and getting caught by wordsonpages1 - four times Betty and Jug didn’t get caught doing inappropriate *things* and then the one time they did. 
  • up close and personal (part 1, part 2) by wordsonpages1 
  • they suck at being quiet by heytherejones

angst 

  • fall in light by sylwrites - She moved to New York to find herself, but as the saying goes: wherever you go, there you are. 
  • hotdog by burgerheadjones - “Easy, Hotdog! He’s family.” How Hotdog becomes Betty and Jughead’s family in every sense. Or, where we trace the life of Hotdog with Bughead.
  • the stacks by malmo722 * - After a senior prank goes wrong, River Vixen Betty Cooper is forced to complete community service at the Riverdale Public Library with high school outcast, Jughead Jones. Romance ensues. 
  • the unexpected by spxcewvlker - "She loved that she had found peace in his arms, and comfort in his glittering blue eyes. She loved him.“ In which Jughead helps Betty with her anxiety. 
  • beanie boy by bugheadandjughead * -  “You were lonely, homeless, broken. I just gave you a place to stay.” Beanie Boy Jughead and Good Girl Betty are in it together… until romantic feelings for each other bloom between them.
  • self conclusion by nopleasestayhere - Betty Cooper is sitting at the edge of a cliff, thinking about jumping, when Jughead Jones comes to do the same thing. Betty tries to talk him down. He gives her 48 hours to change his mind. Can they help each other? 
  • drown by lusterrdust - Loss… injustice…unfairness… it’s the ugly truth of life. There doesn’t have to be a reason or a person to blame. Sometimes, misfortune just is. 
  • i’ll wait for you by AGirlNamedWhiskey * - Betty Cooper just wanted to survive her Senior year, but after being coerced into covering an underground racing competition, against a rival school, she knew her life would never be the same. Especially, when she meets the infamous street racer, Jughead Jones. 
  • space and time by agirlnamedwhiskey * - After their abrupt breakup, Jughead Jones is on a mission to win back Betty Cooper. 
  • living with betty cooper by believe_that_you_can_my_friend  - Jughead Jones, facing the reality of having nowhere to stay anymore after the Drive-In gets shut down, finds temporary shelter at the Blue & Gold office. But what happens when an upset Betty Cooper catches him on the act? 
  • red sunrise by lusterrdust -  Lifting her hand up, her thumb twirls the band on her ring finger until the diamond digs into her pinky. She pushes the jewel against the skin until it stings, redirecting her emotional pain into the physical.

fluff 

  • once upon a coffee shop by javajunkie * -  Betty works at a coffee shop where Jughead is a regular customer. 
  • your eyes look like coming home by ariquitecontrary - Betty Cooper and Jughead Jones who have both seen the world in color since they met each other when they were two years old. Everyone always says that they’re so lucky to have met when they were so young, that they have their whole lives to be together and in love. There’s just one teeny tiny problem. Betty and Jughead hate each other. 
  • foldin’ clothes by birdlovesafish -  Jughead contemplates he and Betty’s situation and he does laundry. 
  • it happened one starry night by one_starry_night 
  • skin to skin by burgerheadjones * - Jughead Jones doesn’t know how the crimson crescents ended up on his palms.Betty Cooper is clueless when it comes to the messages on her arms.Soulmate AU where all the little marks and injuries belonging to Betty and Jughead start finding themselves on each other’s skin. 
  • drop in the ocean by lusterrdust - She can feel the tickle and scrape of coarse sand against their bare legs, but pays it no mind. Her focus is consumed with her boyfriend’s touch and the trail of heat his fingers leave against her skin. 
  • the exception to the rule by ShirlyGallagher 
  • do you believe in fate? by Jennimisk * - Is there such a thing as a coincidence? Or do we create our own reality because of the choices we make and the people that we let into our lives? Regardless of what you believe, sometimes you just need to be open to what the universe is throwing your way.This is a non-canon AU work based on Jughead and Betty during their college years. They have no prior relationship before meeting in Rome, Italy. 
  • dry run by Naoko Asakura - She drew a line and offered to let him cross it. 
  • lost and found by lusterrdust - Maybe as a seventeen-year-old, sneaking kisses with the blonde he’d been in love with at the time—maybe he’d had a thought or two of her as a mother; a boy’s fantasy of the blissful domesticity he never had. 
  • red lipstick by lusterrdust -  She pulls the passenger mirror down and wipes her red lipstick off, smudging the color across her skin and marking it in a way that reminds Jughead of bee stung lips after a kiss. 
  • to the first of many by jugandbettsdetectiveagency - Betty’s first Mother’s Day begins with a not-so-welcome wake up from Hot Dog. 
  • first apartment by peacelovebughead - A short series of one-shots of Bughead in their first apartment

series

  • break free and run by sylwrites - A Bughead college AU set in Boston; featuring Veronica and Betty as roommates, and Jughead living off campus with his dad. 
  • fall in light by sylwrites * 
  • like home by lusterrdust * 
  • bizarre love triangle by ficmuse * - When Jughead stumbles upon the yearbook from the Class of 1991, secrets are revealed that will forever alter how the teens of Riverdale view their parents.

yamchathedestroyer  asked:

Introduce me to kpop. What is a BTS.

where to start omg

ok well basically BTS (bangtan sonyeondan) is this group of 7 korean boys who make dope music and they’re basically a family (jin = mom, namjoon = dad, suga = uncle, jhope = aunt and the 3 youngest are the kids) and they debuted in june 2013. since then they’ve gotten HUGEE both in korea & internationally and this fandom is called ARMY and lemme warn u, once u join it’s pretty much a life sentence :’)

Originally posted by bang-tan

if u wanna get to know the members here’s a very brief intro:

Rap Monster (Kim Namjoon):

Originally posted by taestylips

  • leader
  • producer & writer of a lot of their songs
  • Bang PD (CEO of BigHit, their company) said he created BTS because of namjoon 
  • so without him there wouldn’t have been bts ugh my heart has so much room for namjoon
  • ANYWAY. HE’S SUPER TALENTED AND HE’S ONLY 22, released a mixtape titled “RM” that got on the Top 50 Hip Hop Albums of 2015 by US SPIN which is amazing (you should take a listen)
  • known to break things he touches
  • is actually very soft and nerdy on days when he’s not Rap Monster aka spitting pure fire into the mic on stage
  • part of the 2 man No Dance Line with Jin (but honestly both of them are way better dancers than u and i will ever be)
  • posts outfit of the day pics on twitter with hashtag #KimDaily

Jin (Kim Seokjin):

Originally posted by bts0726

  • oldest member, born in 1992
  • GORGEOUS, BEAUTIFUL AND FLAWLESS (AND HE KNOWS IT)
  • #CONFIDENCEGOALS
  • became trending as #cardoorguy after he walked out of their car to walk the red carpet in 2015 melon music awards because ppl wanted to know who this handsome bastard was
  • cooks for the other members :’) thus the nickname of being the mom in the group
  • likes the nickname of Pink Princess fans gave him
  • does mukbang shows called Eat Jin where he literally just eats food and gets super excited about it
  • voice of an angel
  • studies acting in university
  • the only one who can put suga in his place

Suga (Min Yoongi)

Originally posted by bwiseoks

  • one of the 3 talented rappers of the group
  • released his mixtape this year “Agust D” (give it a listen) that literally slayed us all
  • struggled in his trainee days and talks about it in his mixtape
  • second oldest, born in 1993
  • not the most talkative but will be savage af when needs to be 
  • aka doesn’t take anyone’s shit
  • also produces and writes their songs
  • his hair color changes like every single era but he somehow pulls off all of them???
  • has a tough exterior but is a soft ball of love past it :’)

J-hope (Jung Hoseok)

Originally posted by fyeahbangtaned

  • other half of 94 line
  • LITERAL BALL OF SUNSHINE WITH A BRIGHT PERSONALITY THAT LIGHTS UP ANY ROOM HE WALKS IN
  • DANCING MACHINEEEE HOLY SHIT if you watch his “Hope on the street” videos on their v app channel or any bts performance video you’ll see what i mean
  • helps the other members with choreo
  • used to be a street performer before BTS. learned rapping after he joined and he’s hella good at it (listen to his track 1 verse)
  • when will bighit release his forehead again
  • loudest of all of them lmao

JImin (Park Jimin)

Originally posted by jimineh

  • the other half of 95z 
  • (the reason why i got into bts)
  • amazing dancer
  • his vocal skills are also 10/10, hits them high notes as precisely as he hits the choreo
  • I WILL NEVER BE OVER HIS THIC THIGHS #thicthighssavelives
  • a selfless cinnabon, too pure for this world. puts the members before himself, always. it kills me how much he loves them. like he will tweet the most supportive things, is the photographer of #kimdaily and always praises them before himself ughhhhhhhhhh my heart
  • perfectionist
  • his solo song Lies did really well, ranked #2 after their title track on melon charts
  • smol bean

V (Kim Taehyung)

Originally posted by hellosarang

  • other half of 95z (btw if you want to know more about 95z or the other ships, that will have to be another post because i have A LOT to say about them)
  • HAVE U EVER SEEN A HUMAN LOOK SO ANIME THO??? 
  • listen to his deep voice to understand how wonderful of a singer he is
  • actor!!! going to debut in his upcoming drama Hwarang soon :’) 
  • cutie with a soft spot for dogs, his late grandma, babies, and jimin
  • very kind hearted and pure soul
  • rude af on stage tho (if you saw the taejin moment during MAMA u know what i mean)

Jungkook (Jeon Jeongguk)

Originally posted by baebsaes

  • maknae (youngest member), born in 1997 but does not act like it at all
  • nicknamed ‘golden maknae’ cause he can do literally everything and do them well (even bowling)
  • talented af. triple threat (sings, dances and raps)
  • his hyungs all dote on him so much :’)
  • its moving how much he quietly cares for them (his solo song Begin was written based on how he felt like the other members raised him since he joined kpop industry at such a young age and that meant being away from home since he was like 14)
  • MEGA EXTRA. SO FUCKING EXTRA WITH EVERYTHING 
  • has a thing for plain tees
  • has one celeb friend, yugeom from got7 :’)
  • a walking human meme 

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE FEEL FREE TO MSG!! hope this helps

US Presidents As Dril Tweets
  • George Washington: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it
  • John Adams: "ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.
  • Thomas Jefferson: Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record? A: I do not delete my posts
  • James Madison: (sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby
  • James Monroe: for decades i have traversed the unforgiving mountains and rivers of south america, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fabled "ass downloader"
  • John Quincy Adams: "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit
  • Andrew Jackson: handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD!
  • Martin Van Buren: Food $200
  • Data $150
  • Rent $800
  • Candles $3,600
  • Utility $150
  • someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying
  • William Henry Harrison: (spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good
  • John Tyler: fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this
  • James K. Polk: thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom
  • Zachary Taylor: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers tell me that im dying
  • Millard Fillmore: trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you...
  • Franklin Pierce: blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin
  • James Buchanan: #NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand...
  • Abraham Lincoln: unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"
  • Andrew Johnson: who the fuck is scraeming "LOG OFF" at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off
  • Ulysses S. Grant: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT
  • Rutherford B. Hayes: using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,
  • James A. Garfield: too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now
  • Chester A. Arthur: i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark
  • Grover Cleveland: the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site
  • Benjamin Harrison: i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc
  • William McKinley: boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!
  • Theodore Roosevelt: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL
  • William H. Taft: ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER*
  • Woodrow Wilson: the conflicted supersoldier stares over the horizon as he smokes a cigarette. "war is the most fucked up thing ever." he takes a sip of beer
  • Warren G. Harding: somebody please Bribe me
  • Calvin Coolidge: aggressively joyless oaf hhere. painfully obnoxious respect demander checkign in. extremely dim witted frowning man looking for pals
  • Herbert Hoover: it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud
  • Franklin D. Roosevelt: ive never heard of this “europe” but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me
  • Harry Truman: everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume
  • Dwight D. Eisenhower: my "F*&k It!! Let's Go Golfin" t-shirt maintains a tenacious stranglehold on my life. after 1,125 days of Golf my body is twisted, deformed
  • John F. Kennedy: when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self
  • Lyndon B. Johnson: incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords"
  • Richard Nixon: i attribute the complete failure of my brand to the actions of detractors, oor my “trolls”, as it were, as well as my own constant fuckups
  • Gerald Ford: shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right
  • Jimmy Carter: i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again
  • Ronald Reagan: spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn
  • George H.W. Bush: just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT
  • Bill Clinton: were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up,
  • George W. Bush: friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses,
  • Barack Obama: my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line
  • Donald Trump: no

anonymous asked:

I dare you to tell another story from the apartment

ALRIGHT BOYS GIRLS AND EVERYONE WHO THINKS THE GENDER BINARY IS FOR SQUARES IT’S STORY TIME.

Today, we’re going to talk about the time Paul’s desire for superior firepower turned into a mini arms race that ended with me setting Eric on fire with a homemade flamethrower.

No, Matt Boomer, you sexy motherfucker, I am not kidding you. Let’s begin with some details.

So when I was at the University of Iowa, several people, including myself, bought Nerf guns for impromptu battles in the hallways when we had free time. Mostly this was all good, clean fun, except for two of the guys down the hall, my roommate, and I.

We all thought, rightfully so, that factory built Nerf guns are bullshit. They’re weak, darts are too fucking light, the barrels cause too much friction, which makes them inaccurate and slow, and you have to re-cock them after each shot. That’s some fucking bullshit right there. So we fixed it.

We bought new, higher tensile springs. We bought PVC pipe and lubricant. We put BBs in the tips of our darts, and my roommate and even put in a second spring to automatically cock the gun, essentially turning them from bolt action pieces of shit into semi-automatic friendship-ruiners.

So when I moved back to Chicago, and into the apartment, I obviously brought my Nerf guns (my roommate gave me his when we moved out), and I obviously attacked my roommates the first opportunity I had. OBVIOUSLY this led to everyone buying Nerf guns and modifying the shit out of them.

However, some of us were terrible shots, so certain measures had to be taken to make it possible for them to keep up. Brad practiced in his room every day, Josh built an extended clip for his gun, and Kyle bought the fucking Vulcan and built a 600 dart belt for it because he decided aiming is for people who can’t fire 6 darts a second (he modded it for doubled firing speed using a small car battery and replaced mechanics).

And then there was Paul.

Paul was fucking terrible. Like almost so bad it couldn’t be for real. He once tried to ambush me coming around a corner from 2 feet away and missed by a good 6-7 inches. He literally could have slapped me and he missed. Whatever moving on.

So Paul decides to solve his aim problems in the most Paul way possible: online shopping. He bought 500 foam pellets for a marshmallow gun, two dozen foam discs, and a motherfucking t-shirt cannon.

You see, Paul, much like Kyle, decided aiming was for lames. So he would pour foam pellets into the cannon until it was half full, slip in a disc to keep them from falling out, then shotgun people in the face. I was his first victim and boy let me tell you that shit is terrifying.

So Paul became the big dog in the house during Nerf battles, and the rest of us found ourselves unable to compete. So we all escalated in our own insane ways. Eric and I, the former champions, modified our guns to fire faster, Brad added an extended magazine to his gun, Kyle built a harness so that he could shoot his fucking stupid fucking bullet-storm piece of shit while moving. Josh booby-trapped various parts of our apartment. Suddenly, we were all better than Paul again, so he decided to step his game up.

He started making paper cartridges that would explode open once fired. Suddenly, he could actually fire multiple times a minute, which meant once again, he was at the top. It didn’t help that our reluctance to shoot back out of fear of getting shot was allowing him to take his time, therefore drastically improving his aim.

So we stepped up again. I smooth out the cocking mechanism on my guns, improving my firing speed even faster. Eric adds more weight to his darts, making them heavier and faster and much more painful. Kyle buys a bigger battery, newer parts, and he perfects his belts, which increases his firing speed to 12 darts a second.

So Paul steps up to take advantage of his improved aim and buys something called a Pucker Chucker which basically is a t-shirt cannon except it shoots foam pucks. This means we can’t just shoot at him from the other side of the apartment anymore, so we all step up again. I modify the rail on top to make aiming easier, Eric modifies his grip to make it more comfortable, Kyle and brad modify their barrels to make them more accurate, and Josh jumps on board the crazy train and builds a goddamn under barrel cherry bomb launcher.

And this is where shit starts to spiral out of control.

Brad starts making smoke grenades, Kyle solves his weakness against close quarters combat by using his battery to create a cattle prod to keep people back. Eric breaks the head off an old golf club to use the shaft as a weapon, I put pins in the tips of all of my darts, and Paul realizes that the Pucker Chucker can also shoot real hockey pucks after he steals my bucket of pucks from my room.

So it escalated a couple more steps but I’m going to leave them out partially out of a desire to keep moving forward and partially out of shame anywhoozle when we pull out our final contraptions and modifications that day we shifted from light-hearted fun that was a bit too far to literally combat. Josh had a sword. I don’t know where he got it from.

That battle was terrifying. Our normal fights were like an hour, two hours tops, then we would clean up, get together in the living room with some beers, and laugh about what happened. Honestly we should have known this was going to happen because when we did this after our previous fight, the laughter was less “haha remember when I shot Josh in the butthole? Classic.” and more “haha remember when I missed your face with that puck? Next time I won’t miss.

So we somehow get into a battle again and this time things go south quickly which is bound to happen when you have a dude in a speedo swinging a sword around while rolling fireworks down the hall. It was literally chaos. There were fireworks and homemade smoke grenades and Kyle made the electrical current in his cattle prod too strong and it was too close to the muzzle of his Vulcan so every few seconds you would just see a flaming dart wiz past and I built a fucking flamethrower and I don’t know what the fuck is going on so I’m just firing it in the general direction of Josh to keep him the fuck away. At some point Brad barricades himself in his room, and so we all run back to our rooms and hide.

We do this for three days. THREE DAYS. I missed classes. We all had junk food in our rooms, and private bathrooms, so that’s what we sustained ourselves on for three fucking days. I, however, try to eat healthy, so I ran out of food almost immediately. After not eating for a day and a half, with food literally less than 50 feet from where I was hiding, I decided that I was willing to risk a trip to the kitchen.

So here’s something important about our apartment: I was the only one who knew how to cook. I had tried to teach the others, but all that had accomplished was several kitchen fires. This meant when Eric also ran out of food, he knew the only way to get a meal was to make peace with me. So he had snuck down the hall to my door, intent on asking me for help.

I did not know he was there.

So when I opened the door and saw a crouching figure in the shadows nearby, I assumed, I think justifiably, that it was the guy who had been swinging a sword at all of us the last time I saw him. So I pulled the trigger on my homemade flamethrower, only to see Eric’s horrified face illuminated by the flames for a split second before they hit his torso.

Luckily, I was using a scavenged fuel source (computer screen cleaner), so the flames were weak, but still fire is fire and fire fucking hurts. So Eric is rolling on the floor with first degree burns on his stomach and chest, and I’m freaking out because Eric is my friend and I just set him on fire, so there is now a lot of screaming coming from the hall.

Now, to lighten the mood slightly, here’s a personality test. You hear the sounds of fire, followed shortly by screaming coming from the hall outside your room. What do you do?

Do you assume the crazy sword guy has finally snapped and is going to kill you all, so you climb out the window onto the fire escape? Congratulations, you’re Brad.

Do you hear the cries of pain and grab a first aid kit before sprinting into the hall to help? Hey! You’re Kyle!

Do you hear the flames so you sprint into the kitchen to grab the fire extinguisher? You are Paul.

Do you come out into the hall to see what’s going on but also bring your sword just in case you have to stab someone? You are Josh and also mentally unstable please put your sword away.

So Kyle comes out and he and I start administering first aid and luckily through a combination of the weakness of my fuel source, how quickly I stopped the flames, and the quickness of our treatments, Eric only gets some first degree burns on his torso. Paul puts out the last of the flames, Josh decides he doesn’t want to stab anyone today, and Brad decides that the lack of screaming is a good thing and he comes inside. I spend the next hour apologizing profusely while cooking everyone dinner, and we decide that hey we should probably have some rules for our Nerf fights to prevent this from ever happening again.

So we all eat, we establish rules about modifications and ammunition, and at the end of it all, we grab some beers, head into the living room, and tell Josh he needs to get rid of the sword seriously dude where did you get that from?

YOI Fan Rec Friday

Thanks for all your awesome recs this week!

Rec’d by anonymous:
A Lesson in Wanting by awesometinyhumanbeing, Not rated, 12k
Victor ties himself into a knot known as Katsuki Yuuri—in more ways than one—and they navigate their way to each other in a series of fits and starts, miscommunication, and Herculean pining.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
the things i’ll give you (everything, everything) by yukilee, Gen, 8.3k (WIP)
in which viktor finds yuuri sleeping everywhere around campus and he just wants to take him home.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Under the Cover of Eros by Kawaiiusagi, Explicit, 45k (WIP)
The Phantom Thief Eros steals fine jewels, but he also has his eye set on Detective Nikiforov’s heart. 

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
The Cold Beauty by NefariousandElegant, Teen, 10k (WIP)
He has been cursed for years to live alone and to be disgraced with powers he never wanted. He is selfish and arrogant. Cold. Only one can change him and help everything be restored. After years of waiting for the one, he finally arrives. Victor never thought he could return to normal until he laid eyes on a true beauty… Yuuri Katsuki.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous and anonymous:
Six Hours Ahead by alipiee, Teen, 5.3k (WIP)
When Yuuri downloaded the harmless quiz app, he hadn’t expected to become best friends with the Russian boy who asked him for a rematch. 

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d b anonymous:
my name is viktor nikiforov by thishasbeencary, Teen, 5k
Soulmates are telepathically linked to each other, but can only hear the other’s thoughts when they’re in close proximity. Viktor Nikiforov’s soulmate isn’t Russian, but Japanese, and he can’t understand a single word that they think. Other than his name.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @s-h-i-k-e-i:
Petrichor by fundips, Gen, 2.1k
Viktor and Yuuri returned to Hasetsu to train until next season, resuming their relationship except more domestic than anything. On the first rainy day they had together, Viktor jumped up and dragged Yuuri out of the onsen as soon as it started pouring down - Yuuri still in his lazy clothes with unwashed hair. As soon as they were on the street outside in the downpour, Viktor kissed him. Afterwards, Viktor said it was because he’d always wanted to kiss in the rain.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Second Row, Center Seat by LittleLostStar, Gen, 5.2k
In which Victor is the talented actor, and Yuuri is the theater critic with a perpetual crush.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
six seconds of life by EyeOfKaleidoscope, Teen, 2.9k
Phichit mourns the loss of Vine (he even plans a funeral).

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
The Plot Twist We Deserved by Daughter of Vayu (aquaregia), Teen, 2.5k
Viktor Nikiforov and Yuri Plisetsky were otaku, obsessed over a manga series ‘On ICE!!!’ which was written by Katsuki Yuuri-sensei. See how the two fanboys gushing over their favorite manga and annoyed the hell out of Katsuki Yuuri.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous, anonymous, and @mmeishi :
Nuclear Hearts Club by butterbeerbitch, Teen, 15k (WIP)
Being seventeen and chronically confused isn’t always a walk in the park - especially when you’ve been crushing on your brother’s best friend since you were nine. You’d be crazy not to. Victor’s the best thing to happen to the world since sliced bread.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Tu meum Animum by bratinella, Gen, 47k (WIP)
Viktor is many things but, lately, there are things that are added in his repertoire and he brushes it off as a trick of the imagination since he does not consider himself a stalker and most definitely not a dork.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous and anonymous:
More Than Okay by LoneWolf_With_Internet, Gen, 6.4k
While on tour, the last thing Viktor would have expected during his stop in Japan would be to give a free performance to his fans at a karaoke bar, but what surprised him even more was the cute Japanese skater – that Viktor swears he’s seen before – the crowd pressured into joining him on stage for a duet. Needless to say, Victor had more fun than he originally anticipated.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous and anonymous:
Kiss The Rain by Writingfanfics1432, Gen, 1.3k
Yuri gets attacked and Viktor tries his best to comfort him.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @domokunrainbowkinz:
Mercury’s Muse by starsong462, Not Rated, 11k (WIP)
Royalty AU where Yuuri and Prince Victor meet as children, fall in love, and inspire each other through music.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Lullaby of Birdland by Orchids_and_Fictional_Cities, Teen, 40k (WIP)
After his poor performance at the Grand Prix Final, Yuuri is weary but not broken, and decides to give it one last shot. Victor plays piano three nights a week at a small jazz bar near the Detroit Skating Club, and does his best to get by.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @helly-watermelonsmellinfellon:
Standard Deviations by JustBeHappy, Teen, 86k
Victor knew something was wrong when he woke up. Firstly, Yuuri wasn’t by his side in bed. Secondly, the wallpapers weren’t supposed to be blue. Time Travel AU, where Victor landed 4 years into the past, just after Sochi Grand Prix Finals.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
extremely loud and incredibly close by anirondack, Explicit, 5.4k
“There are a couple other skaters around - some stayed to shower, but most have been gone for half an hour or more - but Yuuri pays no attention to them. His gaze is on the building they’re staying at, and he barely says a word until they get there and then, when the elevator doors close, he hits the button for their floor and then shoves Victor against the wall.” 

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
YOI Gem AU series by Jesse_Rae, Not Rated/Gen, 8.4k (WIP)
Steven Universe crossover!

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @exile-wrath:
Hearts On Snow by BoredomIsDeadly, Teen, 15k (WIP)
Yuri Katsuki is content with retiring to his family inn to live out the rest of his life in relative peace and quiet following a certain incident and a period of fruitless adventuring. But he returns only to meet news that his dog had died, leaving him in a terrible mental state. So when Makkachin appears out of nowhere, he decides to return it to its owner in another kingdom before fully calling it quits.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:* *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Competing for Your Attention by IdunAurora, Gen, 72k (WIP)
It was only later when the idea was planted into his head by a visiting Dragon Master, and it was only when he watched junior coordinator Viktor Nikiforov compete in a televised event that Yuuri decided he would take on the Hoenn League challenge when he reached the age of ten.


Thank you for all your recs! ₍₍ (̨̡ ‾᷄♡‾᷅ )̧̢ ₎₎

The amazing “YOI Fan Rec Friday” banner was created by @omgkatsudonplease ! I love them a lot, check out their blog!

Let's Talk About Love...! ❤️

ARIES:

Aries - Aries: “I love you like every action I take.”
Aries - Taurus: “I love you more than batman loves his cave.”
Aries - Gemini: “I love you like Winnie the Pooh loves honey.”
Aries - Cancer: “I love you more than a watch loves to tick.”
Aries - Leo: “I love you because you’re awesome just like me.”
Aries - Virgo: “I love you more than all the answers on the Internet!”
Aries - Libra:  “I love you like French Fries.”
Aries - Scorpio: “I love you like a cat loves a mouse.”
Aries - Sagittarius: “I love you like my Xbox.”
Aries - Capricorn: “I love you more than zombies love brains.”
Aries - Aquarius: “I love you more than you can ever imagine.”
Aries - Pisces: “I love you like a sea of flowers. More than a garden of smiles and a world of hugs.”


TAURUS:

Taurus - Aries: “I love you more then I love Netflix! And that’s a lot.”
Taurus - Taurus: “I love you like there are grains of sand in every beach, of every planet, of every galaxy in the universe.”
Taurus - Gemini: “I love you like a flower loves the rain.”
Taurus - Cancer: “I love you more than Edward loves Bella.”
Taurus - Leo: “I love you like distance everybody loves Raymond.”
Taurus - Virgo: “I love you more than anything in the whole wide world.”
Taurus - Libra: “I love you more than Peter Pan loves Neverland.”
Taurus - Scorpio: “I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.”
Taurus - Sagittarius:  “I love you like I love food.”
Taurus - Capricorn: “I love you more than the Beast loved Belle.”
Taurus - Aquarius: “I love you more than a letter loves an envelope.”
Taurus - Pisces: “I love you like the butterflies in the gardens, the rainbow over the blue sky, and the greeneries in the meadow.”


GEMINI:

Gemini - Aries: “I love you like a bee loves honey.”
Gemini - Taurus: “I love you like I did yesterday, but I not as much as tomorrow but always forever.”
Gemini - Gemini: “I love you more than Charlie loves Wonka bars.”
Gemini - Cancer: “I love you like cookies, and believe me I love cookies!”
Gemini - Leo: “I love you like the sun loves redheads.”
Gemini - Virgo: “I love you like you can possibly imagine.”
Gemini - Libra: “I love you more than an emo boy loves tight pants.”
Gemini - Scorpio: “I love you like old ladies love blue dye.”
Gemini - Sagittarius: “I love you more than a sailor loves swearing.”
Gemini - Capricorn: “I love you more than time loves a paradox.”
Gemini - Aquarius: “I love you like words can describe, numbers can count and the forever growing universe can discover.”
Gemini - Pisces: “I love you like a skinny person loves salad.”


CANCER:

Cancer - Aries: “I love you more than a woman loves fixing up a bachelor with one of her single friends.”
Cancer - Taurus: “I love you like an Italian loves pasta.”
Cancer - Gemini: “I love you more than the British love their tea.”
Cancer - Cancer: “I love you like the sun, the ocean and the mountains.”
Cancer - Leo: ”I love you more than an incontinent person loves a toilet.”
Cancer - Virgo: “I love you more than Jack loved Rose.”
Cancer - Libra: “I love you more than schoolgirls love to gossip.”
Cancer - Scorpio: “I love you more than a junkie loves weed.”
Cancer - Sagittarius: “I love you more than the plague loves rats.”
Cancer - Capricorn:  “I love you like you say you love me times a million more, and just so you know I love you MORE square root that by infinity.”
Cancer - Aquarius: “I love you more than older people love tapioca.”
Cancer - Pisces: “I love you more than pizza.”


LEO:

Leo - Aries:  “I love you like women love diamonds.”
Leo - Taurus: “I love you more than a dentist loves crooked teeth.”
Leo - Gemini: “I love you more than commercials love annoying us.”
Leo - Cancer:  “I love you like the sun loves the moon.”
Leo - Leo: “I love you more than everythIng in this entire world. With every step and every breath I take, every rush of blood, every whisper of thought, and every beat of my heart comes the reminder that I love you, and I live for you. Because you are my whole world, my everything, and my life.”
Leo - Virgo: “I love you like iPhone and iPad combined, which I cannot live without.”
Leo - Libra:  “I love you like there are stars in the sky.”
Leo - Scorpio: “I love you more than a duck loves water.”
Leo - Sagittarius: “I love you more than a lawyer loves money.”
Leo - Capricorn: “I love you more than a hippie loves his long hair.”
Leo - Aquarius: “I love you like Brangelina loves adopting kids.”
Leo - Pisces: “I love you like burritos, tacos, and nachos.”


VIRGO:

Virgo - Aries:  “I love you like there are words in books.”
Virgo - Taurus:  “I love you like a child loves his teddy-bear.”
Virgo - Gemini: “I love you like a cop loves thieves.”
Virgo - Cancer:  “I love you like the Cookie Monster loves cookies.”
Virgo - Leo: “I love you like the distance between us.”
Virgo - Virgo: “I love you like a mother loves her child.”
Virgo - Libra:  “I love you like a movie geek loves his/hers popcorn.”
Virgo - Scorpio: “I love you like a smoker loves a cigarette.”
Virgo - Sagittarius:  “I’ll love you longer than forever.”
Virgo - Capricorn: “I love you more than money and more than the stars above.”
Virgo - Aquarius:  “I love you like any word can say.”
Virgo - Pisces: “I love you like a dog loves biting a piece of bone.”


LIBRA:

Libra - Aries:  “I love you like apple pie, lemon meringue pie and chocolate mud pie.”
Libra - Taurus: “I love you like “Harry Potter,” and that should have been impossible.”
Libra - Gemini: “I love you more than words can show.”
Libra - Cancer: “I love you like the unforgettable first kiss.”
Libra - Leo: “I love you more than dad loves his daughter.”
Libra - Virgo: “I love you like any person loves sleeping.”
Libra - Libra:  “I love you like an angel loves the heavens.”
Libra - Scorpio: “I love you more than a teenage boy loves masturbating.”
Libra - Sagittarius: “I love you like I love sushi.”
Libra - Capricorn: “I love you like you’ll ever know.”
Libra - Aquarius: “I love you more than words, in all the books, in all the world.”
Libra - Pisces: “I love you more than free WiFi.”


SCORPIO:

Scorpio - Aries: “I love you like a pervert loves porn.”
Scorpio - Taurus:  “I love you more than a child loves candy.”
Scorpio - Gemini: “I love you like cheesecake, carrot cake and chocolate cake.”
Scorpio - Cancer: “I love you not only for what you are but for what I am when I’m with you.”
Scorpio - Leo: “I love you more than I love naps.”
Scorpio - Virgo: “I love you more than there are grains of sand on every beach, of every planet, of every galaxy in the universe.”
Scorpio - Libra: “I love you like a nerd loves his glasses.”
Scorpio - Scorpio: “I love you higher than the sky and deeper than the water in the ocean.”
Scorpio - Sagittarius: “I love you more than yesterday and that’s how I feel every day.”
Scorpio - Capricorn:  “I love you more than a drug addict loves heroine.”
Scorpio - Aquarius: “I love you like a hooker loves a street corner.”
Scorpio - Pisces: “I love you like all the raindrops that fall in a summer thunderstorm.”


SAGITTARIUS:

Sagittarius - Aries: “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.”
Sagittarius - Taurus: “I love you more than a child loves Christmas.”
Sagittarius - Gemini: “I love you like the Godiva chocolate, my favourite.”
Sagittarius - Cancer: “I love you more than stinky cheese.”
Sagittarius - Leo: “I love you more than the government loves taxing its citizens.”
Sagittarius - Virgo: “I love you like my iPhone, and I wish I can hold you in my hands, every minute of the day.”
Sagittarius - Libra: “I love you more than Russel Crowe loves throwing phones at people.”
Sagittarius - Scorpio: “I love you like when I get a seat on the crowded train so that I can play games on my smartphone with both hands.”
Sagittarius - Sagittarius: “I love you like the Lemon Meringue Pie which my mother bakes, that reminds me of the sweet memory of my childhood.”
Sagittarius - Capricorn: “I love you more than Brazil loves football.”
Sagittarius - Aquarius: “I love you more than a fly loves crap.”
Sagittarius - Pisces: “I love you like a little girl dreams of love.”


CAPRICORN:

Capricorn - Aries: “I love you like my cat, and no one has replaced her so far.”
Capricorn - Taurus: “I love you more than ever, more than time and more than love.”
Capricorn - Gemini:  “I love you like a nerd loves homework.”
Capricorn - Cancer: “I love you like the sand loves the sea.”
Capricorn - Leo: “I love you more than Johnny Depp, George Clooney and Leo DiCaprio combined.”
Capricorn - Virgo: “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”
Capricorn - Libra: “I love you like Santa loves cookies and milk.”
Capricorn - Scorpio:  “I love you like the thrills I get from roller coaster ride, skiing down an icy slope, and bungee jumping.”
Capricorn - Sagittarius: “I love you like guys love football.”
Capricorn - Capricorn: “I love you more than Snape loved Lily.”
Capricorn - Aquarius: “I love you like my morning coffee.”
Capricorn - Pisces: “I love you like trees love water.”


AQUARIUS:

Aquarius - Aries:  “I love you like a surfer loves his board.”
Aquarius - Taurus: “I love you more than a sad woman loves chocolate.”
Aquarius - Gemini: “I love you like my next breath.”
Aquarius - Cancer: “I love you more than a punk loves his hair gel.”
Aquarius - Leo: “I love you like words can describe, numbers can count and the constantly grown technology can discover.”
Aquarius - Virgo: “I love you like a cat loves chasing its tail.”
Aquarius - Libra: “I love you like a grandma loves her grandchildren.”
Aquarius - Scorpio: “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
Aquarius - Sagittarius: “I love you more today than I did yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow and many days to come.”
Aquarius - Capricorn: “I love you more than a blonde loves her hair-dye.”
Aquarius - Aquarius: “I love you like anything you could ever say or imagine and every breath I take is for you.”
Aquarius - Pisces: “I love you like Cinderella loved Prince Charming.”


PISCES:

Pisces - Aries: “I love you like my dog, and that should have said enough.”
Pisces - Taurus: “I love you like I love penguins, my favourite animal since the third grade.”
Pisces - Gemini: “I love you like lice love an elementary school.”
Pisces - Cancer: “I love you like Romeo loves Juliet.”
Pisces - Leo: “I love you more than the Imperial March loves Darth Vader.”
Pisces - Virgo: “I love you more than an emo loves black.” 
Pisces - Libra: “I love you like I love beer.”
Pisces - Scorpio: “I love you like fish need water!”
Pisces - Sagittarius: “I love you like a mouse loves cheese.”
Pisces - Capricorn: “I love you more than Voldemort loved killing people.”
Pisces - Aquarius: “I love you more than an alcoholic loves beer.”
Pisces - Pisces:  “I love you like Mickey loves Minnie.”

Writing gay romance between Jewish characters with two differing levels of observance

I’m writing (or, right now, more planning/outlining, with occasional writing of small scenes that I can’t get out of my head) a novel about two Jewish men who fall in love in a very Xtian, conservative town. The older of the two (late thirties) is more closeted, reclusive, and is somewhat separated from his Jewish identity as a result of a combination of assimilation and intermarriage further back in his family. The main character (mid-late twenties) on the other hand is very involved with his synagogue, works at a Hebrew summer camp, keeps shabbos, etc.

My issue is that I’m very observant (conservaform) and so is my family; I know a few folks who go to my synagogue who are “high holy day Jews”, or might also come for a wedding or bris or bar/bas mitzvah, but not many who are non-observant to the degree of this character (hasn’t set foot in synagogue since being a child, didn’t have a bar mitzvah, has a pair of somewhat observant grandparents and some cousins/etc who are observant, but most of his immediate family isn’t observant). So I’m not sure how to portray the secondary character without someone going “why not just write a Jewish guy in love with an Xtian guy” or something, because even if his relationship to Judaism and Jewish culture are somewhat distant, they’re still there. I’m also afraid that someone is going to say “why are you bashing Xtianity” about some of the subject matter (as someone who has lived in a small town, I have a decent bit of material from personal experience on Xtian antisemitism), but really the main point is that I want to portray two Jewish men loving each other.

I want to write this but don’t want goyim in particular to try to argue that I should have just made my MC’s romantic interest Xtian in the first place, because one main theme I want to explore, which I haven’t seen explored much in fiction, is being gay and Jewish. Specifically, one concept I had for the second character is how his being closeted comes largely from a place of being raised in a Xtian-secular household in a very Xtian town, and homophobia being very religiously where he lives, and so him sort of being reluctant to explore religion at all; but then seeing how the MC is Very Jewish and somewhat-openly gay, and feeling both nostalgic for the parts of his grandparents he sees in the MC (speaking Yiddish, cooking traditional Ashkenazic food), as well as longing to be as comfortable with both his sexuality and to have a relationship with G-d as the MC does.

I don’t know if this is a weirdly specific character/plot concept, but it just came to me I guess and it’s been at me long enough that I’ve started to try to outline writing it. I just want to see more gay fiction with religious, specifically Jewish, characters. Thanks for any advice you can give.

Thank you for submitting a question so close to my heart! Looks like I need to break this down into several parts: 

1. How to portray secular Jews as something distinct from Christians, secular or otherwise - this may not be as hard as you think it is because you’re Jewish and your factory settings, your defaults, your unexamined ideas, may already be different from the Christians around you. Like, I was in my 30’s before I found out that gentiles don’t do the chair dance. I thought everyone did that. Give The Upside of Unrequired by Becky Albertalli (review here) a read – her main character tells the audience that “we’re the kind of Jewish family who eats bacon” and religion itself isn’t really a presence in her life, but she still finds it meaningful that the boy she’s working with at her new job turns out to be a fellow Jew.

Other possible markers of secular Jewishness:

  • Finding Jewish representation/acknowledgment of our existence in fiction (or the Jewishness of celebrities) meaningful
  • Casual use of the most common Yiddishisms (maybe not entire curse phrases, but, like, using the word ‘kvetch’ in ordinary conversation)
  • General feeling of alienation or otherness around super overt displays of Christianity
  • Foods like matzo ball soup or latkes (for your Ashkie characters, anyway; this might be different for other subgroups of us.) 

In my new release Knit One, Girl Two, the main character Clara is a secular Jew and one of the details I used to illustrate that is that her first kiss involved sneaking off with another girl during a friend’s bar mitzvah reception. She also refers to her grandparents as Bubby and Zayde and has strong opinions about which Jewish foods she does and doesn’t like. She’s slightly awkward around the love interest’s higher level of observance, which is something secular Jews might feel out of self-consciousness—if the character cared. A secular Jewish person and a gentile person don’t approach an observant Jewish person’s observance in the same way. The gentile may misunderstand or have misconceptions; the Jewish person might feel self-conscious for not participating. Or feel nostalgic for observant people in their past (like “oh, my grandma used to –!”) 

2. How to portray your own marginalization without sounding like you’re bashing the privileged group. Now, you’re not really obligated to watch out for the feelings of a group that has hurt you by having power over you… but at the same time I 100% understand not wanting to step on toes just to save your own peace of mind. Some suggestions for this:

  • Having some of the Christians in the town be nice, but powerless to stop the jackwagon ones.
  • Flat-out having your character say “I’m not mad at Christianity; these people don’t even seem like they’re following Jesus in the first place”
  • Cut down on the more painful elements and focus on your main characters’ reactions to their hurt rather than describing the bigotry itself. That will cut down on how much your bigoted characters hurt your RL readers, so they’ll be mad at them for your main characters’ sake but not for their own sake and it’ll give them a little distance. (Example: “OMG, I can’t believe how much of a jerk Todd was being, saying all that garbage about Jews and gay people.” Instead of “Todd walked into the room and shouted that Jews are X and gay people are Y!”)
  • Try to cut down on having the most bigoted characters belong to groups marginalized along another axis. You’re going to perpetuate fatphobia if your most bigoted character is also your only fat character, and if I were reading this story I’d be uncomfortable if the homophobic/antisemitic characters were Black unless a Black author was writing it because from a white pen this could easily be read as blaming those two -phobias on Black people instead of white supremacy where it belongs. 

3. I don’t think you’re going to get “you might as well have made him Christian” coming from outsiders because you’re a Jewish person writing Jewish characters. Just speaking from personal experience.. In any case, a secular Jewish character is not a Christian character. Sometimes they can come off that way when gentiles write them, because they won’t know what kind of details to add to make their being Jewish not seem arbitrarily pasted on, but I doubt that would happen from a Jewish writer. 

4. “One main theme I want to explore, which I haven’t seen explored much in fiction, is being gay and Jewish.” 

I have several recommendations for you! 

First of all, Jordan S. Brock’s just come out with a m/m novel called Change of Address based on her own experiences with PTSD and a service dog—it’s even dedicated to the service dog. Like her, the love interest is a Jewish adoptee, and the character’s observance mirrors her own – he and his father don’t allow bacon in the house but they’ll eat pepperoni as long as it’s somewhere else, for example. 

Out of print but easy to find in libraries through ILL is The Dyke and the Dybbuk, Ellen Galford’s paranormal f/f comedy about a demon who possesses a Jewish lesbian cab driver and makes her get a crush on an Orthodox woman as a prank. (Review)  

I also collected this list of free queer Jewish SFF short stories, which includes nonbinary representation. As far as my own works go, I really tried to infuse the Tales from Perach collection with all the joy and gratefulness both Judaism, Jewishness, and queerness have brought to my life – there’s a lesbian’s grateful prayer of thanks for her relationship with her wife, an elderly trans woman and her husband attending services, and a royal family with two moms and two dads putting on an exceptionally lavish Purimspiel that includes a scripted swordfight. 

I’m glad you’re writing something to add to this and expand the body of LGBT Jewish literature, especially something where both members of the couple are Jewish.

–Shira

Memory Lane ft. Yoongi

Originally posted by allforbts

Drabble game #100: “I adore you.” 

grumpy husband yoongi au aka lots of fluff (mentions of sex)
→ 1.7k words

A/N: I recently had a realization that the way my blog is structured doesn’t really give me a great leeway to express my creativity and feels for the members at random. So this is the start to a really short series of drabbles for all of the members in super short (less than 2k) drabbles! To be continued! :) Hope you guys like it. 

more from this au: here, more drabbles: here


“You’ve got a wonderful wife there, son.”

Yoongi gives the elderly man a small smile and nods in agreement, clinking his beer can against his and tipping back the cold liquor into his throats with his eyes trained on you, a feat that happens quite often.

Often Yoongi finds himself just staring at you, in awe of how someone like you ended up with someone like him.

Your friends would describe you as sweet, bubbly, kind, selfless, and bright. His friends would describe you as “the light that shined in Min Yoongi’s horribly dreadful bitch ass life.” And although he always gives them a glare or just brushes their comments off with an eye roll it’s moments like these when he feels like the six dickwads’ words can never be any more accurate.

Keep reading

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can’t. I’ll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I’m excited. Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B’s. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That’s me! - Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I’d make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I’m glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I’m not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don’t waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That’s why we don’t need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp… under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… …9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it’s just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it’ll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… Honey! - That girl was hot. - She’s my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we’re all cousins. - Right. You’re right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you’ll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. What’s the difference? You’ll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. So you’ll just work us to death? We’ll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! “What’s the difference?” How can you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I’ve never seen them this close. They know what it’s like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don’t come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You’re monsters! You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don’t know. Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That’s more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It’s just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let’s have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I’d knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We’re hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you’re not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We’re going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you’re interested in? - Well, there’s a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It’s a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I’m not trying to be funny. You’re not funny! You’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You’re gonna be a stirrer? - No one’s listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I’m gonna get an ant tattoo! Let’s open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”! I’m so proud. - We’re starting work today! - Today’s the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them’s yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What’d you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What’s available? Restroom attendant’s open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you’re on. I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey’s always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He’s dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That’s life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should… Barry? Barry! All right, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? - I’m going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted. It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That’s awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let’s move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It’s got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It’s a little bit of magic. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? That’s pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don’t we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You’re reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It’s a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama’s little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don’t think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you’re about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There’s a bee in the car! - Do something! - I’m driving! - Hi, bee. - He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow… the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don’t need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This… Drapes! That is diabolical. It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What’s number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don’t go for that… …kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn’t talk to them. They’re out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they’re flabbergasted, can’t believe what I say. There’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. I don’t remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don’t kill him! You know I’m allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I’m just saying all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I’m not scared of him. It’s an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can’t. How should I start it? “You like jazz?” No, that’s no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I’m sorry. - You’re talking. - Yes, I know. You’re talking! I’m so sorry. No, it’s OK. It’s fine. I know I’m dreaming. But I don’t recall going to bed. Well, I’m sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you’re a bee! I am. And I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn’t for you… I had to thank you. It’s just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I’m talking with a bee. - Yeah. I’m talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I’m grateful. I’ll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. “Mama, Dada, honey.” You pick it up. - That’s very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway… Oan I… …get you something? - Like what? I don’t know. I mean… I don’t know. Ooffee? I don’t want to put you out. It’s no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It’s just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don’t be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn’t. - Have some. - No, I can’t. - Oome on! I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don’t help. You look great! I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He’s making the tie in the cab as they’re flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, “Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?” Is that a bee joke? That’s the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look… There’s my hive right there. See it? You’re in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I’m right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It’s like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I’ll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it’s no trouble. Sorry I couldn’t finish it. If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Are you…? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then… I guess I’ll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again… for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… This can’t possibly work. He’s all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don’t. - How’d you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your “experience.” Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well… - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I’m not attracted to spiders. I know it’s the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. So who is she? She’s… human. No, no. That’s a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. - Her name’s Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She’s so nice. And she’s a florist! Oh, no! You’re dating a human florist! We’re not dating. You’re flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin’ stripey! And that’s not what they eat. That’s what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It’s bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up… Sit down! …really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We’re us. There’s us and there’s them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He’s in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It’s been three days! Why aren’t you working? I’ve got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You’re barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I’m talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I’ll catch up. Don’t be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We’re still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don’t listen! I’m not listening to this. Sorry, I’ve gotta go. - Where are you going? - I’m meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? Bye. I just hope she’s Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? It’s faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane! You don’t have that? We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It’s a bug. He’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You’ve really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I’ll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don’t have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It’s organic. - It’s our-ganic! It’s just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don’t know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it’s on sale?! I’m getting to the bottom of this. I’m getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I’ll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You’re busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you’ll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier? I don’t understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You’re too late! It’s ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You’re not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I’m going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It’s your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I’m Oarl Kasell. But don’t kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they’re getting it. I mean, that honey’s ours. - Bees hang tight. - We’re all jammed in. It’s a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you’re out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood’s about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I’d catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee’s got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That’s the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. “They make the honey, and we make the money”? Oh, my! What’s going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn’t last too long. Do you know you’re in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes! That’s a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There’s hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That’s a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He’s been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it’s true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That’s a killer. There’s only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive’s only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I’m Bob Bumble. - And I’m Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we’ll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we’re talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, “I’m a kid from the hive. I can’t do this”? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I’m from, we’d never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It’s a common name. Next week… He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots… Next week… Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They’re scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. Honey, her backhand’s a joke! I’m not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I’m helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we’re really busy working. But it’s our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting… - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you’re three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit’s a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty! It’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It’s pretty big, isn’t it? I can’t believe how many humans don’t work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What’s the matter? - I don’t know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn’t the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you’re representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson… you’re representing all the bees of the world? I’m kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we’re ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man’s divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. Honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we’re the little guys! I’m hoping that, after this is all over, you’ll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he’d dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don’t imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn’t hear you. - No. - No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They’re very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How’d you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that’s enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you’ve never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven’t. No, you haven’t. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I’m feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That’s not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that’s ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn’t someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You’re all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury’s on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I’m a florist. Right. Well, here’s to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn’t think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but… the battery. I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There’s a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. The ball’s a little grabby. That’s where I usually sit. Right… there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn’t really a special skill. You think I don’t see what you’re doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I’m going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. - What’s that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that’s a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I’m wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I’ve got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You’re bluffing. - Am I? Surf’s up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! We need to talk! He’s just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night… My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I’m sorry about all that. I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn’t overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he’s considered one of the best lawyers… Yeah. Layton, you’ve gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it’s gonna be all over. Don’t worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We’re friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute… Are you her little… …bedbug? I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn’t your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but… - So those aren’t your real parents! - Oh, Barry… - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you, Benson? He’s denouncing bees! Don’t y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I’m going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Oh, I’m hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can’t treat them like equals! They’re striped savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can’t feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I… I blew the whole case, didn’t I? It doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re alive. You could have died. I’d be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can’t explain it. It was all… All adrenaline and then… and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We’re just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don’t know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. That’s it! That’s our case! It is? It’s not over? Get dressed. I’ve gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you’ve done step correctly, you’re ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it’s interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don’t make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about… Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I’m afraid I’m going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. But you can’t! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It’s a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, “Smoking or non?” Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He’s playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I’m OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You’ll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery’s right? - What do you mean? We’ve been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we’ll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We’re all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He’ll have nauseous for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames… But it’s just a prance-about stage name! …unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan’t breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there’s gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We’ve never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We’re shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What’s going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They’re home. They don’t know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now… Now I can’t. I don’t understand why they’re not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing. Honey really changes people. You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They’re all wilting. Doesn’t look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I’m gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn’t think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It’s notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That’s our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course… The human species? So if there’s no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I’ll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry… sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They’ve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It’s the last chance I’ll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That’s why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I’ve ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I’ve made it worse. Actually, it’s completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it’s greater than my previous ideas combined. I don’t want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They’ve got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It’s real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I’m the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I’m getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let’s see what this baby’ll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic… …without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there’s no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It’s part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It’s got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we’ll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I’m in a real situation. - What’d you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don’t freak out! My entire species… What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! - Who’s an attorney? Don’t move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One’s bald, one’s in a boat, they’re both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one’s flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What’s your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. Where’s the pilot? He’s unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who’s that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. I can’t fly a plane. - Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We’re headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory… That’s Barry! …is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There’s a bee on that plane. I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They’ve done enough damage. But isn’t he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small… Haven’t we heard this a million times? “The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense.” - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We’re going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to working together. That’s the bee way! We’re not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn’t so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we’re not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let’s get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I’d do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don’t have to yell. I’m not yelling! We’re in a lot of trouble. It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! I can’t do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it’s my turn. How is the plane flying? I don’t know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let’s drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can’t see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. - What? - I don’t know. It’s strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We’re going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That’s it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I’m aiming at the flower! That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This’s the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we’re not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we’re gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We’re bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You’ve earned this. Yeah! I’m a Pollen Jock! And it’s a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That’s our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now’s the time. I got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! Here’s your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don’t forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I’m sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I’m late. He’s a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can’t get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You’re a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who’s next? All right, scramble, jocks! It’s time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let’s just stop for a second. Hold it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, everyone.Can we stop here? I’m not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that
—  The Bee Movie
Darlin’

Lance x Reader

Summary: Just some jealous Lance Tucker porn

Word Count: 6399 (dayum I’m always a little extra) | Rating: R [NSFW]

Warnings: ⚠️ SMUTTY SMUT, Y’ALL. Unprotected Sex.  Dom!Lance, dry-humping, some spanking, oral sex (both, f&m), dirty talk, orgasm denial, NSFW gifs, tying reader up, I think that’s all… Minors avert your eyes, throw your phone/desktop away. Don’t read. I did my job to warn ya. 

A/N (1): Long live the dominating asshole called Lance Tucker. I’D LOVE SOME ATTENTION IN THE FORM OF FEEDBACK. Sorry, if there are any typos. Also there is another important Author’s note at the end of the fic, please do read it! 

Masterlist here


*gifs aren’t mine (also the gifs are not as precise as I’ve described them)

“You ready, Babe?” Lance asks, peeking from the door. You smile at him looking from the mirror, as you bite your lip and nod yes, sliding a bracelet that matched the dress you wore for tonight.

Lance smoothly walks inside, in his black button up shirt and dark jeans. The sleeves rolled to the elbows, just how you like it. He has finally shaved after two weeks, although you didn’t quite mind the rough stubble rubbing between your thighs during the time. Lance’s hair is styled in a perfect quaff, but that doesn’t compare to the style when you have your fingers woven in it, pulling at the roots and making him moan.

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Best Laid Plans

Properly late this time.

(Also posted on AO3)


“Alright!” Teddy said loudly clapping his hands.

Victoire rolled her eyes, “We’re all right ‘ere, Teddy. You don’t need to shout.”

“This is the very important first meeting of the-” Teddy hesitated and bought time by climbing up to stand on the empty teacher’s desk in the classroom they were meeting in, “The Cupid Club!”

Peter groaned.

“That is an 'orrible name,” Victoire frowned.

Daisy and Saanvi giggled, leaning into one another.

“Whatever,” Teddy said dismissively, “We can work out a better name later. The important thing is, we’re all here for one united purpose!” He paused to gesture dramatically and the other students stared at him, Daisy and Saavi giggled.

Teddy sighed, “You could show a little more enthusiasm, you know!”

“Should we clap?” Peter asked.

“Get on with it, Ted,” Victoire prompted with an exasperated smile.

Teddy said, “Fine. So, we’ve all seen my cousin and godfather, the illustrious Professor Potter and Professor Malfoy, flirting-”

“Insults really don’t seem like flirting to me,” Victoire said. To try and quell Teddy’s puppy dog expression she added, “They do look good together.”

Saanvi sighed, “Have you seen how Professor Potter smiles when Professor Malfoy talks with him?”

“He just lights up!” Daisy said with a giggle, “It’s the sweetest thing.”

“But what about Professor Malfoy?” Victoire said, “ 'E is always sneering and smirking at 'arry.”

“He stares at his arse.”

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My Puppy

Originally posted by rapnamu

Pairing: Taehyung X Reader-First Person View

Genre & Warnings: SMUT, fluff, pet play. 

Word Count: 4,406

NOTE: Pure Filth. Turn back now if you don’t want to see. Turning Tae Tae into my Fuck Puppy (Thanks Anon). Soft femdom. Let me tell you, it was an EXPERIENCE writing this, and I am still not perfectly pleased with it. Mostly because I’m never happy with my own smut writing. I had to do so much research, so google probably thinks I’m freaky naughty af. Which I suppose I am considering I wrote this lol. So, for those that are hardcore into this and think I didn’t portray it well enough, I’m sorry, I tried. And I learned quite a bit about myself, like the fact that if I ever get my hands on someone like Tae, I am so going to try this. Now enjoy, and excuse me as I go drench myself in holy water to cleanse myself of sin. 


“You know, I hate the winter. It reminds me of your cold heart.”

My now ex-boyfriend mutters this line, looking into the snowy sky. He sighs loudly and saunters off, without looking back. What a fucking drama queen. I can’t help but snort as I watch him disappear into the light snowfall, and wonder what movie he got that line from.

Cold heart.

I don’t have a cold heart. He was just a damn bore. He never wanted to do anything but watch movies, and freaked out if I suggested anything besides missionary. I’ve been thinking about breaking up with him for weeks now, but was putting it off because I knew he’d cry. This saved me all the hassle.

Note to self: Don’t date actors.

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dating Taehyung [realistically]

Originally posted by theholyshiteu

jungkook version

• he wouldn’t really always be all happy and romantic as fanfictions and imagines make him out to be

• as far as I know (assume) he doesn’t have that much experience with relationships/girls so I think sometimes he wouldn’t always be able to know how to handle fights and difficulties in the relationship

• because he’s not really experienced I can imagine that he would try his best to be the perfect boyfriend that appears in dramas and books

• if he’s really in love with you he would always want to show and tell you how much you mean to him and give you everything you need but he’s only human

• pda wouldn’t really be a thing, he doesn’t seem like the type of man who would be making out with you in public or even kissing you in front of the members. I can see him holding your hand or keeping an arm around you while you’re walking

• also he seems like a really decent guy who wouldn’t have problems to wait for a while until he’s sure you’re the one before he decides to get really close to you physically

• also don’t see him making out with you a lot but a lot of forehead kisses and the dramatic fun kisses he loves to give (you know the thing he does with the camera)

• your first kiss being a meaningful and sweet experience

• I can even imagine him waiting for sex til he gets to marry you because you both don’t necessarily need it right away
or

• if you want to get closer to him you had to tell him. I feel like he is the type of guy who doesn’t understand girls too well but would notice that something is going on

• if there were times you wanted to kiss him (because he just didn’t make a move) you just had to tell him and he would be okay with it

• i don’t know but i just feel like he would be unsure at first to touch you because he didn’t know if you wanted it

• but as soon as you told him he would constantly hug you, kiss you, and love you the way he wants

• It would get more and more the longer you are together like he would get so touchy and cute from then on

• once he’s sure and comfortable around you, he would literally do anything with you

• the sex wouldn’t be as great as fanfictions make it out to be though

• sometimes he would fall asleep right after because he’s just too tired

• but you love each other so it wouldn’t matter a bit

• him always talking to you about your future together and how many kids he wants to have with you

• he would love to hug you and squish your cheeks

• his hands are really big and he is aware of that (the focus he always sets on them in front of the camera jesus he knows) so I think you and he would love comparing your hands together

• he would love that yours are smaller than his

• he would love the feeling of protecting you and calling you his wifey (even if you’re not married yet)

• If you both have bad fights, there would be times he would walk off and wouldn’t talk to you for a while

• If you both don’t talk to each other anymore he would go to the other boys to tell them about it. He would either do it to get advise or to get it out of his chest, but you’d still be uncomfortable with it because you don’t want them to know about your relationship problems

• He wouldn’t always be so happy and in kissing mood when he wakes up in the morning because he’s a heavy sleeper who has a hard time standing up in the morning

• but as soon as he sees you there would be a lot of times where he would wrap his arms around you and just lay there for a while

• If you both have free days together you would go out to a cafe or an adventure park and just have a good time

• you would also have great museum visits

• taehyung seems like someone who is a great listener, so if you both have time alone together you would also have great thoughtful conversations with a lot of eye contact

• he wouldn’t always tell you everything, but you would turn out to be the person he would trust the most out of all people

• he would love when you play with his hair and just touch him in general

• he would also love to touch you and make you feel secure

• from what I saw, taehyung likes to give people (expensive) gifts, so he would also be willing to buy you lots of presents whenever he feels like it

• sometimes you would get a little mad at him for that because people would think you use him

• but even if the rumors and the drama would be hard to handle, if you both were meant to be, you would go through ever difficulty together

• he would always want to participate more in the music making process, so if he made a new tune/melody for the next song or wrote some lyrics, he would love to show you them and ask for your honest opinion

• because you both would always be honest to each other

• the relationship making you both feel down at times because he’s barely there due his schedule and you not being able to visit him on tour often because of your own work

• him being so cheesy and sweet to you especially when you’re sad and feeling down because he loves to make you feel loved after all

• him being the one to call you mostly in the beginning of the relationship

• silly facetimes, usually once a day but sometimes he would be too tired or jetlegged so he would forget to call

• he’s actually really funny and has a good sense of humor, but sometimes he’ll use them as a tactic to avoid conversations he doesn’t want to have

• he can be really naive at times which could make you frustrated

• he can get really distant at times for no reason

• you being super close to each other’s families

• your parents loving him and seeing him as their son-in-law

• taehyung would love to introduce you to his family and would be super happy to see you getting along with his siblings and cousins

• you being totally in love with his dog soonshim and spending most of the time with her when you visit his house

• him admiring you completely during the process and always telling you how much the dog loves you

• his parents being happy to see that he found someone who makes him feel so alive
• at first i can imagine, the bts members would be concerned if taehyung isn’t getting to serious with you but after they realize that you have good intentions and a good heart, they will treat you so good

• especially little jungkook would always come to you when he has to tell someone other than the boys about his problems and other stuff (you know some girl advice)

• you’d be his inspiration at writing at times. he would write stuff about you. It might not be good and fully written but he would like to write them but never show them to you.

• overall, you two would have a sweet happy yet hard relationship that you both would be fighting for. and if you keep on respecting and loving each other it would possibly hold on for a life time.

anonymous asked:

Hi there! I just saw your post about soulmate fic ideas and I love them too! An idea I've seen somewhere years ago is that everyone is given a necklace at a certain age and when you get closer (in distance not emotions) to your soulmate, the pendant on the necklace heats up. Maybe Bughead meet while travelling and their necklaces get really hot?

I love a good soulmate au!
***

Jughead sighed, Saturday nights were exhausting in The Southside of Riverdale. Gang meetings always took place in the sleazy beat down dive bar, with about a hundred drunken men in leather jackets trying to make sense of the latest deal they had to get done while simultaneously playing pool and hitting on the Serpent bangers. So yeah tonight had been long.

“Hot dog, I’m home.” He called out to the empty trailer, smiling when he head the familiar thumping of scruffy white paws, the dirty sheepdog standing before him with a goofy grin and slobbery tongue.
“Hey there boy.” Jughead pulled off the heavy leather jacket and flung it over the makeshift kitchen chair plopping down on the couch in the center of the room.

He was tired…all the time. being sixteen wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, he had more responsibilities now that his father was locked up, Jughead had been born a Serpent it was all he knew, but deep down he felt something, something no one else he knew had felt. He wanted more, wanted to be more. He had a friend Archie Andrews, he had met him at the Riverdale Public library one day when he was hiding from a particularly nasty gang fight. Archie had been researching music books and they had bonded over their mutual love for video games and their penchant for fried foods. Archie was the boy next door, bright red hair and a letterman jacket two sizes too big while the tshirt he wore under it was two sizes too small, but he was nice and he didn’t judge Jughead, and that in itself was a feat.

Jugheads fingers wandered up to the clear crystal pendent resting beneath his plain black Tshirt, it was the one thing in his life that was steady, constant, always hanging around his neck, a security blanket almost. He couldn’t believe it when Archie had shown Jughead his own pendent.

“It’s finally cooling down, I just came from Veronica’s house and it was pretty much on fire.” Archie had explained, toying with his pendent, dark purple and black swirls coursing through his.

A soulmate, Jughead squeezed his eyes shut. Archie had been the one to explain the soulmate necklace to him.

“When you find the one you’re meant to be with, the necklace glows, it gets hot, hotter than anything you’ve ever felt. But it doesn’t burn, it feels amazing, its right over your heart, it’s almost like sitting by a bonfire, you can feel the heat but it’s safe and warm”

He wanted it, deep down inside he knew someone like him would never get that, he wasn’t the soulmate type and he was certain his necklace would stay crystal clear his entire life, but… sometimes.. if he stared hard enough, he swore he could see green, he swore there were swirls of gold and meadow green. He was probably kidding himself, setting himself up for disappointment and failure. Wrapping his fingers around the pendent he felt his eyes drift closed, it had been a long day, he didn’t need to be thinking about things like soulmates and silly wishes.

****

“Dilton Doiley? Really? For Cheryl? You’re sure?” Betty was leaning forward on the lilac and lace comforter, the phone snug against her ear as Veronica spilled the gossip of the day.

“I sure am, apparently they never got close enough to each other to find out, but then today, in gym class, they got paired to be partners for tennis and you know where it goes from there, their necklaces lit up like fireworks and soon enough they had each other nearly naked on the gym floor before coach Clayton broke it up.” Veronica giggled from her end and Betty sighed dreamily.

“I’m happy for them, I think Dilton will be good for her… it’s so crazy how we’re paired in this universe..” Betty trailed off, her fingers playing with the edges of her comforter

“You’ll find him B, I promise.” Veronica soothing said, comforting her best friend.

Betty bit back the bitter tears and cleared her throat, speaking in an incredibly small voice
“I just want something like you and Archie have ya know? I just want someone to love me like that.” She whispered.

“And you will. I know you Betty Cooper and you won’t stop until you find him.” The raven haired princess spoke in a tone that left no room for argument.

“Okay Ronnie, I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Veronica said her goodbyes before calling out for Betty one more time

“Don’t forget, tomorrow is that integration mixer with the Southside Students, I’m thinking leather pants and no shirt, what about you?” Betty could practically hear the smirk on the heiresses face.

“You’ve been watching too much Grease Ronnie.” She giggled before hanging up on her best friend.

Betty plopped down on her bed, eyes drifting closed as her hands found her pendent. she would find him, and hopefully soon because all this waiting was making her head hurt.
***

Veronica couldn’t control her laughter when Betty walked up to her locker before first period.

“What?!” Betty asked defensively.

Veronica settled finally and looked up at Betty out of breath
“It’s nothing, it’s just.., everyone agreed to dress a little more scandalous today, in honor of the Southside coming and you…. I didn’t even know something could be that white”

Betty looked down at her baby blue dress, the skirt grazing mid thigh, her bare arms covered by an impeccable, wrinkle free white cardigan, she wore tiny nude ballet flats and a simple gold chain on her wrist.

“I wore my hair down.” Betty tried, her hands coming up to touch the tips, she wrapped her arms around herself self consciously when she spotted all the girls in mini skirts and tube tops.

Veronica’s eyes softened and she squeezed Betty’s forearm
“You look beautiful, you always do. I’m just teasing, you know that.” She kissed her best friends cheek and Betty smiled.

Suddenly Archie came running through the halls, his eyes set on The two girls as he swooped in, pressing a kiss to Veronica’s cheek. Betty glanced down at their necklaces, feeling the familiar ache of jealousy as they glowed beautifully.

“They’re here! I saw a bunch of bikes pull up, you’re gonna love Jughead guys, he’s so funny man and he’s totally cool.” Archie rambled on and Veronica shot Betty an “is my boyfriend in love with another boy?” look.

Betty rolled her eyes and watched as the Southside teens started filing in, each one bigger and scarier then the last. Betty’s guard went up instantly and she ducked behind Veronica.

“There he is! Jughead! Hey man! Over here!”
Archie was waving to a leather jacket wearing boy in the back, Betty couldnt make out his face but she knew the prominent S on his back meant that he was a Serpent, she had written a research paper on why Serpents should be treated equal and as normal as everyone else in Riverdale. The whole Serpent culture amazed her.

He was walking towards them and Betty could just make out stormy, raindrop blue eyes. Something in her stomach twisted and she stepped closer, trying to get a better look.

Suddenly he had stopped in his tracks, His fingers instantly coming up to grip the necklace hanging on the black string around his neck, Betty did the same and as the two stared at each other a gradual heat was rising in the crystal pendent. A series of blue and black swirls racing through her pendent while his had Gold and green.

He walked closer to her, the pendent becoming unbearably hot but it didn’t bother either of them, Betty could vaguely hear the frantic whispers of Veronica behind her.

They were standing chest to chest at this point and cautiously Betty reached her hand out, stopping quickly and looking the dark haired boy in the eyes, silently asking for permission. He nodded slowly, what she didn’t know was that she could do anything in the world to him and he would just nod. She had him. That was it, he was hers now.

As soon as her tiny fingers brushed the pendent a shining bright light illuminated both of their necklaces, an almost primal growl came from deep inside Jugheads chest as his hands gripped The perfect and proper blondes waist

“Finally.” He whispered before dropping his lips to hers.

She followed with equal fervor, her hands winding in his hair as he held her tight to his chest. After what felt like hours they finally pulled apart.

Neither of the teens said anything until Betty broke the silence

“Betty Cooper, my names Betty Cooper and I guess I’m your soulmate.” Her smile was perfect and her fingers were still playing with the now filled pendent.

Jughead laughed heartily, his own long, slender fingers coming up to play with her necklace
“Can’t believe I got someone like you, you’re pretty as a picture Betty Cooper. I’m Jughead Jones and I am so happy you’re my soulmate.” He smirked crookedly before dropping his lips to hers.

The necklace pressed against each other as a warm glow of sunshine bathed the teens in light. They still had so much to learn about one another but right here, soft white cardigan pressed against worn black leather

They might just be okay.

anonymous asked:

aah I really like your recent seventeen neighbour au! can you do that for the rest of the members too? if that's too much then just wonwoo, soonyoung, and seungcheol. Thank you! <3

joshua, mingyu & seungkwan can be found (here) ~

Wonwoo

  • relatively keeps to himself, is the kind of mysterious neighbor that no one really knows much about 
  • sometimes kids are afraid of him because he has a really deadpan expression so the moms are always like “wonwoo-ah ,,,,, please smile? it’s so nice out!!”
  • but he ends up just getting embarrassed and then asking mingyu when they hangout at a cafe like “kids never let me pat their heads,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,am i scary?”
  • and mingyu is like uh WELL,,,,,,,,,,,,
  • but in reality wonwoo is a sweethearted angel. like he picks up litter if he sees it around the apartment building and always offers to hold groceries for any of the elder neighbors 
  • also he always gets cutely startled when another neighbor’s dog comes over to him and sniffs him or barks in greeting and he’s like !!!!! usually ends up dropping whatever he’s holding
  • and he looks down at the little like ??? pomeranian and is like “so,,,,,scary,,,,”
  • and the owner is like omg,,,,,,,,,,,no they’re not scary they’re cute do you wanna pet them??? and wonwoo is like NO ,,, no ,,,,thank you i gtg
  • his apartment is really clean and well kept,,,,,,he has this vintage looking record player and collects mostly older jazz stuff that’s soothing and sometimes even a lil sad
  • when his friends come over they’re always like “dude,,,,,,,do you have any records from like pop groups???” and wonwoo just blinks and is like “why would i have that,,,,,,i listen to records before i sleep i don’t think i could fall asleep to snsd’s ‘party’,,,,,,”
  • he’s also a big fan of blankets and has them everywhere so he can fall asleep anywhere he pleases: the living room, the bedroom, the goddamn kitchen -
  • doesn’t really decorate his walls but has a photo of parents and brother in the hallway and every morning he waves goodbye to it before he leaves,,,,,it’s cute
  • and you have seen wonwoo before, mostly in passing. he never really looks up from his phone or book so it’s more like passing a ghost than anything
  • until one day you’re both on the floor at the same time and as you unlock your door, you take a step in until you look back and see that,,,,,,,,,,,
  • wonwoo is staring at his door and you’re like ?????? what’s he doing
  • and then you see him literally fall forward with his forehead against the door and you’re like IS HE OK and you’re hesitant but you call out like “everything alright???”
  • and wonwoo turns his head and he’s like ,,,,,,, “i don’t have my keys,,,,,,,im locked out.”
  • and you’re like ,,,,,,did you,,,,,,,forget them inside??? and he nods,,,,shamefully looking at the floor and you’re like oh,,,,,unsure of what to do
  • but then you hear it. a growl. 
  • a stomach growl
  • and you can’t help but laugh and wonwoo puts a hand shyly over his shirt and he’s like “e-excuse me,,,” but you’re like “if you’re hungry you can come over, im just making ramen tonight so?” 
  • and wonwoo is shy, he’d usually probably decline because he doesn’t want to bother you but then he hears his stomach growl again and he knows mingyu (who has a spare to his apartment) is gonna take like 2 hours to get here
  • so he nods and you grin, telling him not to be shy and come over.
  • and once you’re inside, wonwoo sitting awkwardly at your kitchen table you’re like “so,,,,,while the water is boiling - tell me about yourself.”
  • and wonwoo is like “there’s not much,,,,,” and he tells you that he has a brother, he likes to listen to music, write lyrics sometimes,,,,,and he’s kinda like “im sorry im boring” and you’re like no not at all and once the ramen is done you guys keep like talking
  • and wonwoo is a little reserved, obviously you guys are strangers basically, but you keep listening with enthusiasm and you smile when he attempts a joke and ask him more about himself
  • and unlike most people you’re not,,,,,,,making some comment about how he looks angry or tired. you’re just,,,,,,,genuinely listening and it’s been a long time since wonwoo has met someone new who didn’t right away seem judgmental of how kind of simple he is about most things
  • and once he realizes that mingyu is calling him to let him know he’s here, wonwoo is kind of upset that he has to leave the conversation,,,,,
  • but you tell him that it was nice talking and he thanks you for the food and when he meets mingyu out in the hall
  • mingyu is like nudging wonwoo and he’s like “that neighbor you were with - they’re cute.” and wonwoo is like “oh,,,,yeah they are,,,,,and they’re nice,,,”
  • and mingyu’s like wiggling his eyebrows and he’s like “did you just call someone nice,,,,,,,,,hmmmmmm i thought you weren’t a people person,,,,”
  • and wonwoo is like GIVE me the spare keys mingyu
  • and mingyu is like “go ask the neighbor on a date and i will.” and wonwoo is like m I NG Yu,,,,,,,but mingyu won’t let up because he’s like c’mon i know you think they’re cute 
  • so when you hear a knock on your door and open it, wonwoo is biting his lip but he’s also like “not,,,,not to be weird but are you free this weekend? i just want to get to know you more so we can get coffee,,,,,,,if this isn’t awkward,,,,”
  • and you’re like oh,,,,,,,,you’re flattered and you’re like sure!!! and wonwoo is like ,,,,,,,,well in shock because you agreed but also blushing because wow,,,,,,,he actually got a date with you,,,,,,
  • and you exchange a time and place and you smile before closing the door and wonwoo swears his heart beats a bit faster
  • but then he hears mingyu’s voice like GET IT BRO and wonwoo is like “give me the spare this time or eLSE-”

Hoshi

  • always running out of his apartment because he seemingly is late no matter what???
  • like no matter how many alarm clocks he sets,,,,,,he leaves his house juggling his keys, his bus pass, his jacket, his water ,,,,,, and his hair looks like it has never seen a brush in it’s life
  • he always ends up forgetting something too. usually it’s literally he forget to lock the door to his apartment 
  • but this is his charm!!!! all the older people are like “he’s such a youthful young boy full of energy!” and all the kids think he’s super cool because he dances and does taekwondo 
  • and also hoshi has this bad habit of listening to music way too loud in his headphones so if you’re on the elevator with him you’re sure to be hearing shinee’s 1of1 album blasting through the small space 
  • and speaking of shinee, hoshi looks up to them so much he has their poster up on his wall. well he has a lot of stuff on his wall from the medals he’s won in taekwondo, to bizarre polaroid photos of seokmin and minghao, to autographs he’s gotten from famous choreographers he’s met
  • and his wall is a mess, so is his floor and bed. like there’s training clothes everywhere and his bed is never made and the only saving grace is the can of febreeze he got from mingyu as a gift on secret santa 
  • his refrigerator is just big bottles of water and frozen sushi he got from the grocery store and like no one understands what in the world he’s living off??? maybe he’s running off energy from the sun??? who knows
  • and you know hoshi, it’s impossible not to with his crazy bedhead and his singing outloud to ‘sherlock’ habit
  • and you guys are friends, not like super close but you know enough to talk in the hall and one day as you’re talking you mention you just beat your highscore in ‘just dance’ on this song by usher
  • and hoshi’s like “that’s your highest score? i could crush you if that’s your best.” and you’re like OH WANNA BET 
  • and hoshi is like hell yeah i wanna bet come over and ill show you how a pro does it
  • and so you end up sitting on his couch (which he had to clean, there were chip bags and notebooks on it) watching hoshi turn on his wii and before starting the game he turns around to give you a grin and you’re like PFFT you’ll never beat my score
  • but ,,,,,,,,,,you are wrong. he beats your score. that and also,,,,,,you’ve never seen such a good dancer in your life
  • BUT ARE YOU GONNA ADMIT THAT ? NO WE DON’T LOSE IN THIS HOUSE
  • so you get up there and you bust out everything you have and hoshi is like OOOOOOO you look serious,,,,but it won’t be enOUGh
  • and by the end of it you’re huffing and puffing but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,YOU GET A HIGHER SCORE
  • and you’re like AYEEEEE I WON GIVE ME THOSE 50 BUCKS WE BET
  • and hoshi is staring at the TV with his jaw on the floor but then he’s smiling and he’s like “you’re so cool!!!!!!!! you actually beat me!!!!!” and he high-fives you because tbh he’s competitive but like,,,,,,,he’s also a sweet guy
  • and you’re like ohg;ldskgfh,,,,,i did,,,,,,,,,,,,,
  • and hoshi is like “i don’t have fifty bucks on me, but i do have enough to take you out to dinner? it’ll be japanese take out though,,,,,” and you’re like LOL that’s fine. free food = good prize
  • and hoshi like offers out his hand and he’s like “shall i escort you to the five star restaurant than?” and he’s got this mock british accent but you’re laughing and you take his hand 
  • and you only blush when you realize that you guys are still holding hands as you leave the building and go up the street,,,,,,,,,,,,
  • and maybe you blush even more when hoshi is like “doesn’t this kinda feel like a first date?” right in front of the cashier at the takeout place and you’re like SHUT
  • but he’s just grinning and you’re like,,,,,,,what is going on
  • and hoshi is like “i figured just dinner isn’t enough so, ill add another thing to your prize.” and you’re like what is it??” 
  • and then he like pokes his cheek and is like “this date with me~~~~” and you’re like never do aegyo again but omg you’re cute,,,,,,,

Seungcheol 

  • casanova of your apartment building 
  • winks and uses the same “you look like a flower every time i see you, but this time - you’re in full bloom~” line on everyone,,,,,,,,,and when i mean everyone i M E A N E V E R y o n E
  • even the dogs that live in the building ,,,, like there’s a lady with a little chihuahua on the second floor and after telling the lady she looks ten years younger than before, seungcheol like calls the dog a beauty and wow is that dog blushing?????? probably 
  • he’s kind of a really popular guy,,,,like to the point that people will wait outside your building and be like “does seungcheol really live here??? i heard he’s so handsome you can’t look him straight in the eyes,,,,,,,”
  • but in reality,,,,,, his apartment is just the most least romantic thing ever LOL
  • like there’s just sports equipment, sports magazines, and empty water bottles everywhere ,,,,,,, and his laundry pile is so big it’s threatening to fall over,,,,,,, and like the only thing he has for decoration in his whole apartment is like a picture frame he got as a housewarming gift from seungkwan but ,,,,,, there’s no picture in it
  • and like he’s lucky because he has a balcony he can go out onto but on it is his bike that takes up half the space and dying plants he never takes care of
  • and he’s so,,,,,,,like well-kept when he leaves the house but then he comes home and throws everything off and like literally rolls into bed or plays video games in just his sweatpants
  • and you know more than anyone else how the ‘suave and cool’ seungcheol really is because you’ve been friends since before you were neighbors
  • and you’re always over at his place sitting on his balcony and just talking (mostly gossiping because seungcheol actually has a LOT to say and the view from the balcony is nice)
  • and sometimes you come over and trip over like a jumprope he left on the floor and the only reason those plants on his balcony are not DEAD but definitely close is because you water them when you drop by LOL
  • and seungcheol tries to bribe you to do his laundry but you flick his forehead and you’re like “no. im not your maid. get joshua to do it.”
  • and one day you come over and you’re like ,,,,,, seungcheol your apartment is negative ten degrees” and seungcheol
  • who is sitting on his couch in a literal down coat is like “yeah i forgot to pay the heating bill.”
  • and you’re like OH MY GOD but you’re also like get up loser you can spend the night at my place and not die here like a human icicle 
  • and seungcheol is like like i love you you’re my everything my SAVIOR
  • and you’re like SAVE IT DO NOT GREASE ME
  • so seungcheol ends up in your living room on your couch instead and you’re like ok goodnight and seungcheol is like “hEY,,,,,since im here let’s watch a scary movie or something” and you’re like dude we’re not kids this isn’t a sleepover your dumb butt literally didn’t pay- and seungcheol is like fine fine you’re scared I GET IT
  • and you pause because exCUSE me who did you call scared???? move over
  • and you plop down next to him and pick the scariest movie you can find and you’re like “first one to scream is a big loser - ok?” and seungcheol is like “when in my life have i ever screamed? you’re on”
  • but halfway through,,,,like you aren’t even paying attention because you’re sitting under the same blanket as seungcheol and like his arm is practically around your waist and your thighs are touching and he’s really big and warm
  • and you’re tired,,,,,,you had a long day and before you know it you’re knocked out. like what movie? what bet? ZZZZ time
  • and seungcheol notices, and he’s like oh they’re asleep,,,,,he should move so you can lay down
  • but as he’s watching your face illuminated only by the light of the TV like ,,,,,, seungcheol notices finally just how nice your features are
  • and you two have been friends for like ever,,,,, but he’s never quite looked at you and taken it all in,,,,,,,,and somehow now that he is
  • seungcheol is like ,,,,,, oh god ,,,,,,,, you’re cute
  • and not only that???? you literally have saved his ass so many times from bringing him actual food when he forgot to grocery shop, to helping him get hotpacks when he pulled his shoulder, to now,,,,,,when he found himself freezing in his own apartment like YOU saved him
  • and leaning down he brushes some hair from your face and he’s like,,,,, you know what im not gonna move
  • and instead moves a bit so your head falls on his shoulder more comfortably and he moves the blanket off himself so it’s covering all of you
  • and he falls asleep too,,,,,,,,,with the movie still playing
  • and in the morning you open your eyes and you’re like wow my mattress is so warm but broad and oooo it’s moving
  • but then you look down and oh hey there seungch- WHAT
  • and you want to jump up and be like WHAT IS GOING ON but seungcheol lazily opens one eye and is like “go back to sleep,,,,,,,”
  • and for some reason nothing feels wrong about this,,,it’s surprising but not wrong,,,,,,,,
  • so you just shrug and go back to sleep as you feel seungcheols arms wrap tighter around you
  • and oh my god isn’t the best friends to lovers cliche amazing,,,,,,it really is hehe 
SPOILERS

All of my favorite BatB2017 quotes, in somewhat chronological order.  Feel free to add some if you want!

  • “Every prince, every dog has his day…" 
  • "Where did you run off to this week?" 
  • "It’s not going to happen, ladies." 
  • "You are the wildest, most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.  Nobody deserves you." 
  • "Not that one, but you know……books." 
  • "It’s alright, Philipe, just a bit of snow….in June…" 
  • "Ah, a man of taste!” “He was talking about me!" 
  • "Mum said not to move, because it might be scary.  Sorry.” “…It’s alright.” (Runs the hell away) 
  • “Belle, he means forever!  Apparently that’s what happens when you pick a flower!" 
  • "A life sentence for a rose?” “I received eternal damnation for one!" 
  • "Don’t be afraid.” “I’m not afraid…and I will escape, I promise." 
  • ”‘Once this door closes, it will not open again! Rawr!’ I know, he is so dramatic!“ 
  • "How can I be strong when you make me so weak…?" 
  • “A broken clock is right two times a day, mon ami, but this is not one of those times.”
  • "I have no taste buds but I can tell this is exquisite!" 
  • "Ah, quietly, sotto voce.  Of course…are there any other tasteless demands you wish to make upon my artistry?" 
  • “Too much?” “Yyyyyyyep.”
  • "Is that fair?” “I don’t care." 
  • “G-A-S-T…I believe there’s another T…it just occurred to me that I’m illiterate and never had to spell it out loud before…”
  • “I’ve been told I’m clingy, but I don’t get it.”
  • "How in the midst of all this sorrow can so much hope and love endure?" 
  • "Think of the one thing you’ve always wanted.  Now find it in your mind’s eye and feel it in your heart." 
  • “Was that a joke?  Are you making jokes now?”
  • “The air is blue and keen and cold…”
  • “Easy to remember, harder to move on, knowing the Paris of my childhood…is gone…”
  • All of Evermore.  All of it.
  • "There’s a beast running wild, there’s no question; but I fear the wrong monster’s released…" 
  • “This is dangerous.” “Yes.  Yes it is.”
  • "And you must be his grandmother!” “Grandmother?! ATTACK!" 
  • "Sorry, old friend.  It’s hero time." 
  • "I’m coming, my darling…the fat lady is siIIIIIIinging!" 
  • “Little boys…be free, be free, be freeeeeee!”
  • "How d’you like your tea?  Piping hot, or boiling?" 
  • "Silence that 'arpsichord!" 
  • "You’re too good for him, anyway.  What do you say we get back to it?" 
  • "I am not a beast." 
  • “Amore, no!  Don’t leave me…”
  • “It was—an honor to—serve with y….”  “…the honor…was mine.” 
  • “Turn back into a clock, turn back into a clock…”
  • “How do you feel about growing a beard?” (and what came after)
  • “Nature points the way, nothing left to say…”
Help (i need someone)

This was supposed to be a few paragraphs of “i had a thought” so of course it ended up over 1k. Oops?

I might write this eventually, i sort of wrote this already, but it’s not!fic style, I’ll be expanding it in the next few days, but if you get inspired, feel free to run with it, just tag me please!

So, you know how animals will occasionally seek help from humans? Like, a momma cat whose kittens are stuck in a drain pipe, or a raccoon who gets its paw trapped in a pop can, etc?

Think feral Derek who gets injured (either just after the fire he goes full shift feral or after finding Laura, or a random thing whatever, just he’s a wolf and has been for sometime now) and he gets injured. Caught in a trap or maybe he finds an injured thing, or maybe he’s stuck in a plastic ring thing that someone left behind from a picnic and he’s kind of forgotten how to be human, so he needs a hand, and so he howls for help.

Stiles has been hearing a wolf howling for weeks now, but when he mentions it is just met with “There are no wolves in California” but, you know our curious boy is not going to give up. So he’s been walking through the preserve investigating. He’s pretty sure he’s narrowed down where the wolf is living now, so when he hears a particularly urgent sounding howl, he’s in his Jeep and on the road before the sound is even finished echoing.

When he gets close to where he wants to turn into the preserve he sees a huge, black wolf, limping (or trying to get his attention, depending on whether Derek is injured, stuck, or being a good boy, er, Samaritan…).

So Stiles stops the car abruptly and, unthinking, leaps out of the car and runs toward the animal, practically skidding to a stop as he drops down in front of it, asking “What’s wrong, big guy, huh?” And Derek. Derek is momentarily stunned because this human just all but launched himself at him and that’s… not normal? Also, he smells really good (and familiar, definitely the human that’s been walking through the woods on the edges of his territory) and his hands that are absently petting Derek’s fur and checking for injuries feel really nice, and it’s all kind of jumbled in his head because he’s been running mostly on instinct for a while, and what he really wants to do is push his nose into the human’s neck and scent him and then push him over onto the ground and curl up around him.

But. He had a reason for venturing out of the relative safety of the woods. He needed help.

So he manages to communicate to the boy whatever it is that he needs, and Stiles obliges (i don’t know what’s cuter, some ridiculous litter caught around him or him leading Stiles to some trapped kittens) and then Stiles convinces the big wolf to get in his car (not that it takes much, Derek really wants to go with him) and takes him home, gets him clean and dry, figures out how to explain it to his dad…

Stiles finds the wolf curled up around his pillow (you can’t blame Derek, it smelled so good, okay) and after unsuccessfully trying to convince him to move to the end of the bed, gives up and lies down next to him with a grumbled “listen dude, i know you understand me, you did everything else i asked you to do, even let me give you a bath, which even dogs don’t do calmly. You’re not a normal wolf, buddy” to which Derek replies with a huff and a nuzzle at Stiles’ hand demanding to be pet as he apologizes. As Stiles scratches Derek’s head lightly, the truth of what he said hits him: this is not a normal wolf.

As he falls asleep, he’s already thinking about what to research in the morning.

He convinces his dad he’s fostering the wolf-dog for Dr Deaton, Scott’s boss at the vet clinic, and John quickly grows to enjoy the giant “dog” he even encourages him to sit with him while he reads over case files and half watches the game. As the days pass and he spends more time with the incredibly obedient wolf, who responds and reacts more like a human than an animal, and he does more and more digging into lore and local history, he starts to think he’s got it figured out.

They’ve been arguing about names, because Stiles needs something to call him. So far, the wolf has grouched about all nicknames (dude gets an especially emphatic unhappy sound) and done a decent canine version of an eye roll at a series of popular dog names. After a couple weeks, Stiles sits down in front of the wolf and pets him, holds his face with both hands and scritches behind his ears.

“Hey pal. I think I’ve figured out what to call you, but i need you to promise you won’t get mad like when i suggested Balto,okay? And i need you to promise you won’t like, run away or rip my throat out with those impressively big teeth of yours, yeah?”

Derek tilts his head in the best unimpressed agreement he can muster as a wolf (and he’s been having a hard time staying as a wolf lately, he wants to know what Stiles’ hands he’ll like on his skin and talk to John about baseball. He’s starting to remember what being human feels like. He’s even woken up half shifted a few times, human arms wrapped around Stiles and the beat of his heart under his fingertips, a growing ache in his chest).

“I think,” Stiles sighs and bumps his forehead against Derek’s. “I think i should be calling you Derek.” Stiles holds his breath and Derek freezes then tries to pull away, shaking his head as he feels the wolf falling away. “Derek, please, please stay calm, it’s okay. I know what happened, i get it. Please. ”

And Stiles’ hands are splayed and there’s no stutter in his heart beat, and his voice is quiet and pleading, so Derek stops fighting, stops holding onto the wolf, lets the shift fall away until it’s just him, kneeling uncertainly on Stiles’ bedroom floor. He takes a deep breath before he can meet Stiles’ eyes, when he does they both gasp a little, each struck by the beauty of the other, and Stiles in awe at the transformation he’s witnessed: the confirmation of the supernatural overwhelming, but not as overwhelming as the man crouched in front of him.

As a wolf, Derek had become a best friend of sorts; a faithful companion and confidant, even as Stiles began to suspect his true nature, he still felt safe telling him all his secrets.

After a long moment staring at each other, a grin spreads across Stiles’ face. “Hi.”

Derek swallows hard and manages a rough sounding “Hi” his vocal chords no longer accustomed to the shape of words.

Eventually, after looking at each other with soft smiles, Stiles momentarily holding in a million questions, Derek growing used to the way his body and his mind feel when he’s human, they get up. Stiles moves close and reaches a hand up to feel Derek’s face, repeating a soft “Hi” around an even softer grin, Derek leans into the touch and it’s easy to drift together to the bed. Stiles gets Derek some pyjama pants and tries not to look as he changes before sitting beside him, their hands lacing together easily as they talk for hours, falling asleep briefly until the sound of John’s car wakes them.

Stiles tells his dad the dog had to go back to Deaton and they both mourn his loss, John starts talking about getting a new dog. After a couple days of hiding Derek, Stiles introduces him to the Sheriff as a human. They get along even better than before, much to everyone’s relief. (They probably spin a story about Derek’s apartment flooding or something a few days later to get John to offer the spare room, because hiding a full grown man is hard, and Derek isn’t ready to be a person around other people yet. When Stiles has visitors he hides)

It takes time, but Derek grows comfortable in his skin again, and after they’ve known each other many months as people, they go from being Derek and Stiles to DerekandStiles and it’s as easy as it ever was for them to curl around each other, whisper secrets and fall asleep to rhythm of one another’s heartbeat.

BTS Single Parent AU

kookies-and-myrok asked: Hello, sweets! I love your writing and I’m not just saying that Lol i always get excited when you post smt, anyways do you write parent au’s? If you do can I get a BTS reaction about what they would be like as a single parent? If not then its okay! Keep up the great work 💜

This doesn’t necessarily work as a reaction, but I can do a little like… bullet drabble or whatever on this. Either way, very doable. - Admin Dayna


Seokjin

There’s like… this anime called Amaama to Inazuma (a.k.a. Sweetness and Lightning) which is basically about a single father who raises his daughter to the best of his abilities but he can’t cook as well as his wife (who passed away). I see Single Parent!Jin being like that… except in Jin’s case he can actually throw down in a kitchen

  • Lots of love and affection
  • Smothers his baby girl with kisses before dropping her off to daycare and after picking her up
  • The daycare moms thirst after him bOI
  • His cookies sold out the fastest at the school bakery
  • Partially because Daycare Moms are trying to give him the succ
  • Mainly because his cookies are bomb asf
  • He got hoes
  • Reads/sings his daughter to sleep at night religiously
  • Chocolate covered Strawberries while they watch cartoons together
  • Shed a single tear in the beginning of Finding Nemo evRYTIM
  • Was literally floating on air for like a month because his daughter told him he was the “handsomest appa”
  • Tries really hard to scold his baby girl
  • Can’t look her in the face when he does it because she’s too damn cute
  • Puppy Dog Eyes work every once in a while tbh
  • Will cAUSE A FUCKING SCENE IF HE EVER HEARD SOMEONE WAS BULLYING HIS CHILD
  • Dad jokes, fucking duh.

Originally posted by meganhyunhee

Yoongi

Picture this: Yoongi is chilling, right? Lounging on the sofa, watching some psychological mystery film or whatever emo shit he watches. His face is pretty indifferent. He’s unbothered asf. His right arm is covered in scribbles and squiggles. His 7 year old son is currently surrounded by markers, casually doodling on his dad’s arm.

  • Lets his son choose whatever toys he wants
  • If his baby boy wants a nerf gun, he’ll get a nerf gun.
  • If his baby boy wants a fucking bubblegum pink barbie jeep atv, he’s getting a fucking bubblegum pink barbie jeep atv.
  • Also lets his kid wear whatever he wants
  • Supports the creative and imaginative endeavors of his child
  • Does not support coloRING ON THE WALL YOU LIL DEMON BABY
  • Sometimes stares at his child and thinks “whose mans is this?”
  • Also looks at his child and thinks “that’s the love of my life”.
  • One time considered redecorating his closet just so that he can hang a bunch of mirrors on the wall so that whenever his child does something stupid, he can sit him in that closet and close the door so that he can look at his reflection and reevaluate his 7 years long life.
  • All in all he’s a super supportive daddio.
  • He’s not like the other dads.
  • He’s a Cool Dad™

Originally posted by exoticmaknae

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