if anyone knows of any that exist please let me know

more sentence starters !!

here’s another compilation of my fav sentence starters bc i love making these !!  feel free to add your own (◕‿◕✿)

FLUFF:

1. “Your hair is so soft..”
2. “It’s too cold! Come back!”
3. “No, I’m not letting you go. It’s too early to get out of bed.”
4. “C’mere, you can sit in my lap until I’m done working.”
5. “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”
6. Shh, you’re safe. I won’t let you go.
7. What? does that feel good?
8. Just pretend to be my date.
9. He/She did it. No he/she did.
10. I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.
11. It’s not a double dat. We’re just third and fourth wheeling.
12. No no–it’s alright, come here.
13. I’m not going to leave you. You’re never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise.
14. Look, I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m still worried about you. No one deserves to be alone.
15. If I could, I would kiss away all of your scars.
16. I think I might be falling in love with you.
17. Your lips are so soft. I could kiss them all day.
18. It’s not bad to cry. In fact, I think it makes a person stronger.
19. Mmm.. you’re warm.
20. You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this..
21. I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with..
22. No, you can’t get up! You’re my prisoner for today.
23. Shh, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream, okay? None of it was really.
24. You know I’m/we’re always here for you, right?
25. Please talk to me about it.
26. You have something in you hair.. um–do you want me to get it out?
27.  I remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror..
28. I would’ve had breakfast ready, but you were sleeping on my arm and I didn’t want to wake you.
29. I know I’ve kissed you like, ten times, but just like another ten, please.
30. I can’t believe I got the first date, let alone a year.
31. Wanna, like–I mean, if you’re not busy.. We could get lunch? Or even just coffee if you don’t have a lot of time?
32. So I was driving past a pet store and couldn’t help but wonder how cute an animal would be like in our home..
33. Let’s just stay in bed.
34. We live together. You can’t blame this on anyone else.
35. I think I might be pregnant..
36. I want to try for a baby.
37. You would make the perfect father/mother.
38. Think about it. The little patter of children in our home.
39. I want to marry you.
40. I want to take a shower so you should probably join me. It’ll save water.

ANGST:

41. You’re just not the same anymore..
42. It’s midnight! Where the hell were you?
43. What the hell is your problem?!
44. Why do you run away from your problems all the time?
45. You can’t keep it all inside, you know? Bottling it up won’t do any good.
46. Hey, I know you’re hurting.. but, you’re not alone, okay?
47. I hate you! I’m sorry it took me so damn long to realize that.
48. You lost your chance.
49. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.
50. You can’t just lose your temper like this every time you get a bit upset!
51. Calm down! You’re scaring me!
52. Don’t look at me like that.
53. Were you ever going to tell me?
54. I’m done trying to help you!
55. Sorry doesn’t fix everything.
56. You didn’t call. You didn’t text. Nothing.
57. It isn’t up for debate.
58. I don’t know what’s wrong, okay? I’m just… really tired.
59. I’m fine. Stop asking.
60. I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong, and don’t try lying to me.
61. I hope someday you get a taste of your own medicine.
62. Pack you shit and go. Get the fuck out of my sight!
63. Is this how little you think of me?
64. I can’t do this anymore.. not with you.
65.Are you happy now? Huh? DOES THIS MAKE YOU HAPPY?!
66. You said you’d always be there for me… so how did this happened? Why weren’t you there?
67. Did it ever occur to you that you’re hurting me too?
68. I don’t need help! I just want the pain to stop!
69. We can be friends instead.
70. I tried to move on, but nobody is you.
71. Do I look like I’ve moved on?
72. I don’t remember a fight or a reason, so what happened? Why did we break up?
73. Can I at least buy you a coffee? For old times sake.
74. I can’t take the loneliness anymore.
75. What are you talking about? You’re married!
76. I feels like everyone just forgot I exist.
77. Maybe I’m meant to be alone.
78. I gave you your chance, and you just used it to stab me in the back.
79. I’ve been alone for so long..
80. But you promised..

SMUT:

81. I think you’ll be happy to know that I’m not wearing any underwear.
82. I want you. Right here. Right now.
83. I’d be more than happy to show you a good time, if you’re looking for one.
84. It’s like you want to ruin men/women for me.
85. It’s been a long day. Why don’t we help each other unwind?
86. Oh don’t mind me. Just enjoying the view.
87.They always make shower sex sounds so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.
88. Did you just… finish?
89. Tell me what you want.
90.Get on your knees. Now.
91.Your lips make me wonder what the rest of you would taste like..
92. I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
93. Move your hands to the side. I want to hear you.
94. You’re so sexy when you’re all hot and bothered.
95. How bad do you want me?
96. Do you know how bad I want you?
97. I’ve been thinking about this all night.98. Don’t cover your face. I want to see you.
99. Come sit in my lap.
100. You’re so beautiful all spread out like this, just for me.

sources: x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

✰ * º ❛ even more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’
‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’
‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’
‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’
‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’
‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’
‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’
‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’
‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’
‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’
‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’
‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’
‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’
‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’
‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’
‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’
‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’
‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’
‘  i’m pb&j – petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’
‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’
‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’
‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’
‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’
‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’
‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’
‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’
‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’
‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’
‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’
‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’
‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’
‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’
‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’
‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me????  ’
‘  i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever.  ’
‘  me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me.  ’
‘  girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor?  ’
‘  anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact.  ’
‘  today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss.  ’
‘  going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds.  ’
‘  everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed.  ’
‘  i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated.  ’
‘  hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes?  ’
‘  i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like  ’
‘  i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible.  ’
‘  remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED.  ’
‘  why did we just accept catdog?  ’
‘  my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong.  ’
‘  you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.  ’
‘  i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything!  ’
‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.  ’
‘  honestly… us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin.  ’
‘  would an alien think i’m pretty?  ’
‘  i love boys, but only as a concept.  ’
‘  why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here????  ’
‘  i identify as an inconvenience to the world.  ’
‘  i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao  ’
‘  dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap.  ’
‘  i’m literally tired of myself.  ’
‘  don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol  ’
‘  what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’
‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’
‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’
‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’
‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’
‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’
‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’
‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’
‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’
‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  you can start again anytime!  ’
‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’
‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’
‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’
‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’
‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’
‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’
‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’
‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’
‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’
‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’
‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’
‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’
‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’
‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’
‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’
‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’
‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’
‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’
‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’
‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’
‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’
‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’
‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’
‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’
‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’
‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’
‘  you son of a mumford!  ’
‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’
‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’
‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’
‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’
‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’
‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’
‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’
‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’
‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’
‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’
‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’
‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’
‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’
‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’
‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’
‘  i have a question for u: like are u done… like is it over?  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’
‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’
‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

Movie Date

Pairings: Peter Parker x Reader, slight Stony

Request:

Could you please write a Peterxreader where reader is the youngest member of the team. One day they have a movie date in the tower and the team spies on them?Could it be in the point of view of the team?[bonus points if deadpool is in it] thanks <3            


Wade has created a chatroom.

Wade has added Natasha, Tony, Thor, Bruce, Steve, Clint, Vision.

Clint: What, Wade?!

Tony: Can we text later? You’re going to distract me!

Bruce: I need to ask, but is it not weird that us, adults, are spying on Y/N and Peter, our youngest and most loved members movie date in a very cramped up spot?

Natasha: If you don’t like it, then you can leave, Banner. It’s not weird. We are just being protective parental units/uncles/adopted android sibling.

Vision: Overprotective*

Steve: Should they be sitting so close? Natasha, should they? Maybe I should go in and sit between them.

Tony: I will kick your ass, Rogers! Don’t you dare ruin their date!

Thor: Grab him, Stark! I shall lay Mjolnir upon him so he may not move.

Steve: Try it and I will run off with Mjolnir!

Thor: You? Worthy? HA! Do not fight us!

Steve: I know you have your doubts. I know deep down you know that I was faking not being able to lift Mjolnir. Would you like to test me?

Thor: Anyone has any rope?

Keep reading

The Last Unicorn (1982) starters.
  • ❛  I dislike the feel of these woods.  ❜
  • ❛  Unicorns? I thought they only existed in fairytales.  ❜
  • ❛  This is a forest like any other. Isn’t it ?  ❜
  • ❛  Let’s turn around. Hunt somewhere else.  ❜
  • ❛  This is no world for you.  ❜
  • ❛  Good luck to you, for you are the last.  ❜
  • ❛  What do men know ?  ❜
  • ❛  We are as old as the sky, old as the moon.  ❜
  • ❛  We can be hunted, we can be trapped, we can even be killed but we do not vanish !  ❜
  • ❛  Have you traveled very far ?  ❜
  • ❛  Be a little respectful, do you know who I am ?  ❜
  • ❛  Your name is a golden bell, hung in my heart.  ❜
  • ❛  I would break my body to pieces to call you once by your name.  ❜
  • ❛  In all your wanderings, have you seen others like me ?  ❜
  • ❛  Have you seen the others? Where have they gone? Tell me which way I must go to find them.  ❜
  • ❛  No, no, listen ! Don’t listen to me, listen !  ❜
  • ❛  You can find the others if you are brave.  ❜
  • ❛  What if they’re waiting for me ? In need of my help ?  ❜
  • ❛  Well hello there little one !  ❜
  • ❛  And just who might you belong to ? a pretty little thing like you ?  ❜
  • ❛  In my heart I carry such a heavy load.  ❜
  • ❛  And here I thought I’d seen the last of them !  ❜
  • ❛  I know you. If I were blind I would know what you are.  ❜
  • ❛  You wouldn’t have heard of me.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s not much of a job for a real magician, but I’ve had worse.  ❜
  • ❛  You’re mine. If you kill me, you’re still mine.  ❜
  • ❛  Your death sits in that cage and she hears you.  ❜
  • ❛  She’ll kill me one day or another, but she will remember forever that I caught her, that I held her prisoner. So there’s my immortality.  ❜
  • ❛  You were out on the road hunting for your own death !  ❜
  • ❛  He’ll not have you ! You belong to me.  ❜
  • ❛  We are two sides of the same magic.  ❜
  • ❛  You are safer here. You should thank me for protecting you.  ❜
  • ❛  There has never been a spell on me before.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s a very rare person who is taken for what he truly is.  ❜
  • ❛  Will you help me ?  ❜
  • ❛  You’re my last chance.  ❜
  • ❛  Can you truly set me free ?  ❜
  • ❛  I asked him a riddle and it always takes that lout all night to solve riddles.  ❜
  • ❛  the spell was wrong but there was true magic in it ! try again.  ❜
  • ❛  My dear you deserve the services of a great wizard but I’m afraid you’ll have to be glad of the aide of a second rate pickpocket.  ❜
  • ❛  Okay, (name), I give up. Why is a raven like a writing desk ?  ❜
  • ❛  She’ll kill you if you set her free !  ❜
  • ❛  Don’t look back, and don’t run.  ❜
  • ❛  You must never run from anything immortal, it attracts their attention.  ❜
  • ❛  She chose her death long ago. It was the fate she wanted.  ❜
  • ❛  You have no regrets as I do ?  ❜
  • ❛  I’ve never seen anyone like you. Not while I was awake, anyway.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m going where they are, to learn whatever they know.  ❜
  • ❛  Take me with you ! for luck, for laughs, for the unknown.  ❜
  • ❛  You could never have granted my true wish.  ❜
  • ❛  I cannot turn you into something you are not.  ❜
  • ❛  Hide yourself ! We’ll find each other later.  ❜
  • ❛  Mind your heads now, it’s raining ninnies !  ❜
  • ❛  Put me down you fool !  ❜
  • ❛  I don’t like the look of him.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s only (name)’s way, but she has a good heart.  ❜
  • ❛  This is not happening.  ❜
  • ❛  We’ll both be gentlemen of leisure in a months time.  ❜
  • ❛  Oh, I love you.  ❜
  • ❛  She shall never have you !  ❜
  • ❛  We will perish together.  ❜
  • ❛  Did you see me ? Were you watching ?  ❜
  • ❛  Did you see what I made ?  ❜
  • ❛  It’s gone now, but I had it !  ❜
  • ❛  Where have you been ? Where have you been ! ?  ❜
  • ❛  Where were you when I was new ?  ❜
  • ❛  How dare you come to me now when I am this !  ❜
  • ❛  It’s alright, I forgive you.  ❜
  • ❛  You can’t come with us ! we’re on a quest !  ❜
  • ❛  Well, you’re going the wrong way.  ❜
  • ❛  You have all the power you need if you dare to look for it.  ❜
  • ❛  What have you done ! ?  ❜
  • ❛  The power will come to me whenever I need it, and one day! One day it will come to me when I call !  ❜
  • ❛  You are an idiot !  ❜
  • ❛  Don’t ! Don’t you hurt yourself !  ❜
  • ❛  I can feel this body dying all around me !  ❜
  • ❛  You are losing my interest, and that is very dangerous.  ❜
  • ❛  I will keep nothing near me that does not make me happy.  ❜
  • ❛  How would you know ?  ❜
  • ❛  Well, just look at you !  ❜
  • ❛  Come on, I’ll write you a reference.  ❜
  • ❛  You have let your doom in by the front door !  ❜
  • ❛  What are you looking at ?  ❜
  • ❛  What is the matter with your eyes ?  ❜
  • ❛  You may come and go as you please.  ❜
  • ❛  My secrets guard themselves, may yours do the same.  ❜
  • ❛  Please, let me help you. What can I do for you ?  ❜
  • ❛  And then she looked at me and I was sorry I had killed the thing.  ❜
  • ❛  For her sake I’ve become a hero but my great deeds mean nothing to her !  ❜
  • ❛  I wish to be whatever she has most need of.  ❜
  • ❛  You are cruel to him.  ❜
  • ❛  He only wishes you to think of him.  ❜
  • ❛  Who am I ? Why am I here ?  ❜
  • ❛  I knew a moment ago, but I have forgotten.  ❜
  • ❛  I was innocent and wise and full of pain.  ❜
  • ❛  Now that I’m a woman, everything has changed.  ❜
  • ❛  Why won’t you help me ? Why must you always speak in riddles ?  ❜
  • ❛  I would tell you what you want to know if I could.  ❜
  • ❛  I am always dreaming, even when I am awake. It is never finished.  ❜
  • ❛  I would court you with more grace if I knew how.  ❜
  • ❛  Drown out my dreams. Keep me from remembering whatever wants me to remember it.  ❜
  • ❛  Words are always getting in my way.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s all I have to tell you. That’s all I’ve got to say.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m not a man of poetry. Music isn’t one with me.  ❜
  • ❛  As if I didn’t have enough troubles.  ❜
  • ❛  Well of course you’re of noble birth, anyone could see that.  ❜
  • ❛  Love is slowing you down, my lady.  ❜
  • ❛  It was pleasant enough at first, but it died quickly.  ❜
  • ❛  There is nothing of yours that I desire.  ❜
  • ❛  There is no movement of yours that has not betrayed you.  ❜
  • ❛  I like to watch them. They fill me with joy.  ❜
  • ❛  The first time I felt it, I thought I was going to die.  ❜
  • ❛  Do you dare still pretend to be human ?  ❜
  • ❛  It makes no difference. The end will be the same. I can wait.  ❜
  • ❛  Shut up you pretentious kneecap !  ❜
  • ❛  How would you like a punch in the eye ?  ❜
  • ❛  It’s so nice to have someone to play with.  ❜
  • ❛  Try me tomorrow. Maybe I’ll tell you tomorrow.  ❜
  • ❛  Give it to me if you don’t want it but don’t throw it away !  ❜
  • ❛  Give me the wine !  ❜
  • ❛  You would have gone without me ?  ❜
  • ❛  No name you could give her would surprise or frighten me.  ❜
  • ❛  I love whom I love.  ❜
  • ❛  I will go no further.  ❜
  • ❛  Everything dies. I want to die when you die.  ❜
  • ❛  Yes, that is my wish.  ❜
  • ❛  I am a hero, and heroes know that things must happen when it is time for them to happen.  ❜
  • ❛  A quest may not simply be abandoned.  ❜
  • ❛  A happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story.  ❜
  • ❛  What if there isn’t a happy ending at all ?  ❜
  • ❛  There are no happy endings, because nothing ends.  ❜
  • ❛  Do something ! You have the power ! I will kill you if you don’t do something !  ❜
  • ❛  That’s what heroes are for.  ❜
  • ❛  I’ve never had any friends before.  ❜
  • ❛  Men don’t always know when they’re happy.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m sorry. I have done you evil and I cannot undo it.  ❜
  • ❛  No sorrow will live in me as long as that joy.  ❜
Innocence [M]

Originally posted by jeonsshi

Pairing: Jimin x Female Reader

Genre: Roommate AU!Smut, One Shot, You have been warned; this fiction is full of smut.

Words Count : Almost 2,1k

Warnings : [M] for Mature Content, this fiction is pure smut.

Author’s Note: Hi guys admin Sunshine is here, so I’ve asked you guys about smut fiction ideas and then I mixed them up a bit, I hope y’all can enjoy this long sinful fiction


“S-i-x fucking months” You said out loud.

That was true actually. It’s been already six-months since you had sex, you were already horny and your roommate’s existence didn’t help at all. You were like a cat in heat, you wanted to have sex but you didn’t trust anyone about sex, they didn’t know your body—they were not good enough for you. You took a deep sigh, your roommate was at the next room and he was sleeping although it wasn’t that late. You were getting hornier and you couldn’t hold yourself any longer; you started to play with yourself. At first you thought this could be the only solution for your little-horny-problem but you forgot how thin the house’s walls were. 

Keep reading

Weird AU Prompts

- “Yeah, your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I’ve seen everything. Even that dance party for one” au

- “Sure, I’m an alien but I don’t know why you’d think I’d abduct people. But there’s a great eatery across the galaxy if you want to check it out” au

- “Listen, I am genetically modified and on the run and you will let me hide in your house” au

- “I was just taking a walk through the woods and I didn’t think Fae really existed, and I really don’t think I’ll accept any food from you” au

- “My dragon is acting sick and you specialize in dragon illnesses, please take a look at it. Wait, why are you laughing” au

- “Buddy, we are in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, I specialize in botany in unfavorable terrain and I just saw you make a sword out of PVC pipe and string; we’re definitely teaming up” au

- “As a wielder of dark magic I definitely plan on taking over the world once I trick you into releasing me from my prison, but crap, I think I might like you more than I meant to” au

- “Ok, so you panicked and kissed the human so he wouldn’t drown, but we can’t keep him and he can’t leave if he knows about us merpeople, so what are we going to do” au

- “Look, I honestly didn’t mean to run into any awkward werewolves on my hike and why would I tell anyone about it, what do you mean ‘take me to your leader’ are you serious. How cliché can you be” au

- “I’m a superhero and you’re the villain, but I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to punch you in the face” au

potential angst starters
  • “please don’t forget”
  • “you know you should have stayed”
  • “you’re cold on the inside”
  • “there’s a dog in your heart and it tells you to tear everything apart”
  • “you ruin everything you touch and destroy anyone you love”
  • “i know that you can’t hear me anymore”
  • “it’s so loud inside my head”
  • “i haven’t been all that you could have hoped for”
  • “if you held on a little longer, you would have more reasons to be proud”
  • “i talk to the shadows hoping you might be listening”
  • “how can i say this without breaking?”
  • “i loved and i lost you”
  • “i don’t want them to know the way i loved you”
  • “i don’t think they would accept me”
  • “your heart fits like a key”
  • “it’s so quiet here”
  • “you said that you weren’t alone”
  • “you still owe me a reason”
  • “i act like i don’t fucking care”
  • “maybe you’re too good for me”
  • “lately colors seem so bright”
  • “i can’t admit that you’ve got all the strings and know how to tug them”
  • “losing you was something i always did so well”
  • “i don’t do anything anymore”
  • “sorry, i nearly lost my head”
  • “this feeling i dread, it makes me wish i was dead”
  • “i’ll be alone instead, i don’t need anyone in this bed”
  • “i come home on my own”
  • “i don’t care if i don’t look pretty”
  • “big girls cry when their hearts are breaking”
  • “i’m in pain”
  • “she gives me toothaches just from kissing me”
  • “i didn’t care much how long i lived”
  • “heaven and hell were words to me”
  • “i need to feel your hands upon my face”
  • “words can be like knives. they can cut you open”
  • “i think i might have inhaled you”
  • “i can feel you flowing in me”
  • “i miss you more than i thought i would”
  • “i never meant to start a fire. i never meant to make you bleed”
  • “i’ll love the world like i should”
  • “the blood on my hands scares me to death”
  • “you took a chance and you took a fall for us”
  • “my love, look what you can do”
  • “i know in peace you’ll go. i hope relief is yours”
  • “was i selfish again? well, i can’t help that”
  • “i pour my heart out on the ice and everyone’s watching but you”
  • “i can’t see you, you can’t see me”
  • “everybody’s watching but you, and i don’t think i want them to”
  • “there’s a bitter storm inside of me”
  • “i do it all for you”
  • “it’s all gone to shit, it’s out of our hands”
  • “if you’re searching for us, you’ll find us side by side”
  • “as long as we’re going down, baby you should stick around”
  • “does any of this love exist or is this just a fire keeping out the cold?”
  • “memories never lie”
  • “tell me that i’m right”
  • “your tired, unfamiliar face says it all”
  • “even though we all grow old, love will never die”
  • “that was long ago”
  • “i used to call you my own, my dear”
  • “now you’re lost and i am drunk alone”
  • “when you said your last goodbye, i died a little bit inside”
  • “if you loved me, why’d you leave me?”
  • “our love was made for movie screens”
  • “i tried to be someone else for you”
  • “i thought that i loved you, but we weren’t love”
  • “there was something that was not there”
  • “i can sleep forever these days”
  • “i believe in anything that brings you back home to me”
  • “there is no distraction to mask what is real”
  • “now you’ll be missing from the photographs”
  • “in my thoughts, you’re far away”
  • “i can picture you so easily”
  • “what’s gonna be left the world if you’re not in it?”
  • “every minute of every hour, i miss you more”
  • “it’s such a shame we have to see them burn”
  • “i’ve lost control of all of my senses”
  • “put me in my place”
  • “i can’t help but think of you”
  • “it’s always been just you and me”
  • “and i’ll hold in these hands all that remains”
  • “i don’t want to rest in peace, i’d rather be the ghost that annoys you”
  • “hold me in your arms”
  • “don’t listen to your friends, they only care once in a while”
  • “it’s pulling me back”
  • “when you go home, everything looks different”
  • “i wish you would tell me how you really feel”
  • “when you leave me, you take away everything”
  • “that’s not our deal”
  • “i want you so much”
  • “i want to go back to the first time, the first place”
  • “my heart is open like a door, but i don’t trust you like before”
  • “you came and took me by surprise”
  • “maybe one day you’ll be the one, but until then…”
  • “now i’m fucked up and i’m missing you”
  • “please just look me in my face and tell me everything’s okay”
  • “i’ll never be like you”
  • “absolve me of my sins, won’t you?”
  • “it hurts me everytime i see you”
  • “i hate that i love you”
  • “you want her, you need her, and i’ll never be her”
  • “do you miss me like i miss you?”
  • “wedding bells were just alarms”
  • “you said you wouldn’t but you fucking did”
  • “i guess this is moving on”
  • “you don’t care, you never did”
  • “you don’t give a damn about me”
  • “you’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope”
  • “if you’re looking for love, know that love don’t live here anymore”
  • “i don’t want to see you go, i just want to see you smile”
  • “tell me that now is not the end”
  • “if you’re trying to find pity, then you need to look somewhere else”
  • “i’m a first class let down”
  • “how did it come to this?”
  • “love is a polaroid- better in picture but never can fill the void”
  • “if it’s broken then it can be fixed”
  • “all you need is time”
  • “we promised the world we’d tame it”
  • “i wonder what keeps us so high up”
  • “could there be a love beneath these wings?”

Give Me Polyamorous Power Couple Hamliza Or Give Me Death

~Eliza growing up having constant crushes on both men and women and trying to articulate what she wanted to Angelica but never being able to explain it the way she wanted

~When she’s in a relationship: “I want her” “But you’re dating Peter” “I want him too” “But you have to choose” “Why do I have to choose?” When she’s not in a relationship: “Ooh, Liza’s got a crush! Spill it!” “Well, there’s Arthur and his girlfriend, and Sally and her girlfriend, and Jason, and Mary…” “Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, how many crushes can you have?” “Shush, I’m not done”

~When she meets Alexander and quickly falls into her most serious relationship ever she expects the multiple crush thing to stop (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t)

~Eliza feels like a horrible girlfriend because she’s so happy with Alex but then Susan from work will start up a conversation with her in the break room and she’s instantly all heart eyes

~Tearfully she admits it to Alex one night and he’s thrilled because “no there’s nothing wrong with you I promise!!!! You’re just polyamorous!!!!”

~They spend the rest of the night talking about it

~Eliza needs some time to adjust since she’s spent so much time trying to push it aside that she doesn’t really know what else to do but Alex is very helpful

~The first time she tells him about Susan he’s instantly chanting ask her out over and over until she’s laughing and blushing at his antics

~Half a year later and Eliza is subtly sending Alex updates from her dates while he sends her multiple thumbs up emojis and does the same with his own

~She also sets up him and Angelica and when Angelica gets confused about it she’s like you need to stop sacrificing yourself, let yourself be happy

~They share embarrassing stories about him with each other

~He meets John and them after Eliza in this one and it’s all separately

~Hercules comes first because Eliza’s father invited them to a fancy dinner party and Alex needs a suit and since he’s not well educated on these things yet she comes along to help

~Hercules is instantly smitten with Alex and Alex is instantly 😍 because “Eliza look at him!!! He looks like a damn quarterback but he’s so sweet and gentle!!!!” “Either you ask him out or I will”

~Hercules not-so-subtly likes guiding Alex around even though he thinks he’s being smooth

~“Alex there was really no point for him to put his hands on your waist like that, he could’ve told you to just move to the side one step” “… Yeah but did you see how well they fit there he could probably lift me up so easily” “Wow you’re so easy” “Do I need to bring up that cute barista the other day” “pLEASE DO WE HAVE A DATE THIS WEEKEND”

~By the end of the time there Alex is going out to lunch with a pleased but confused Hercules and Eliza is eagerly awaiting every cute picture and text

~From then on he has to deal with both Eliza and Alex stealing his clothes but he can’t really fight since they both look so cute in his sweaters

~The rest come really quickly after that

~Lafayette meets Hercules before the others because they come in requesting a special dress to be made and Hercules is Gone

~“You… You want a dress with a full skirt… But when you pick at a stitch on it the dress falls down into a ball gown?” “Yes, exactly!” “Can I ask why?” “Why? Well, chéri, it’s because I must ensure that I always am prepared for any eventuality and at the top of that list is a need to always look beautiful but entirely unattainable. Oh, that reminds me! It needs to be floor length with my being in eight-inch heels, I have a pair with me so you can measure accurately” “Oh holy shit”

~It takes them exactly one weekend to be brought into the relationship (Alex sees them and instantly is stunned into silence, Eliza flirts and within two minutes they’re already co-conspirators)

~John is next and he struggles with his sexuality and anything that comes from it so he’s very much in the closet when they meet

~John and Alex immediately are best friends and Alex tries asking him out but John very quickly refuses him and Alex takes a step back

~The combined power of the four of them helps to bring John out of his shell even though he’s very shy about it all so they’re respectful and let him suggest everything and move their relationship forward in his own time

~The first time he asks to spend the night with all of them there’s a little fight over who gets to sleep next to him

~Eliza and Hercules win, Lafayette and Alex pout

~Aaron and Theodosia Burr AKA Theo, Eliza, and Lafayette kill and the rest of them are literally powerless against them

~Dates are really fun with them because now there’s enough people to go on group dates and everyone can have a supposed other instead of it being just the mess of them (They still do it as the whole of them, its just more fun to have the people think they’re all separate couples then watch as they get more affectionate as the night goes on)

~Don’t think I’ve forgotten about the Washingtons

~George favors Alex and Laf, Martha favors Eliza, Angelica, and Theo, George is platonic with John, Hercules, Aaron, and the girls, Martha is platonic with everyone but her girls and sometimes Alex and Lafayette (She likes showing off that she’s perfectly capable of stealing them away from him but is graciously letting them stay with him. George jokes back and tries to rally Laf and Alex to joke too but they need time to come back to that plane of existence)

~WEEKEND TRIPS AT MOUNT VERNON WITH EVERYONE

~Eliza and Alex get so many kisses and cuddles since they’re the heart of it all

~Alex dragging everyone outside to look at the stars

~Lots of hot chocolate when Alex drags them outside

~Lots of spiked hot chocolate when they think Martha isn’t looking

~She totally knows since John keeps giggling but she let’s them have fun

~THOMAS JEFFERSON

~Eliza starts flirting with him to bug Alex

~Eventually she starts flirting with him for Alex no matter what he says

~“Look at the tension good god” “Betsey I swear…”

~Eliza has a near constant stream of frustrated texts from George

~“Eliza I’m suffering” “What is it this time, dear?” “They’re arguing again and they look two seconds away from making out” “I’m working on it. Have patience” “I can’t have patience anymore I can’t have meetings because this happens in every one”

~All the hate sex

~All the Jeffmads+Alex hate sex (I would include Aaron but the frustrations are over Washington but Aaron knows why Alex is favored by him and has worked out his own balance with George so he’s not jealous)

~Alex pulls them into the dynamic and they finally understand

~George doesn’t mind them finding out, he’s just glad the tension is gone (Though he has cut more than a few work days short because he walked in on them fucking on his desk because Alex wanted to tease him and he can’t handle that so he just walks out)

~There’s multiple incidents where they try to tease Angelica but she is Not Having It and takes great joy in showing them why

~Angelica Schuyler is my queen she wouldn’t handle any bullshit from them

~MARIA REYNOLDS PROTECTION SQUAD

~Elizabeth “If you touch one hair on my girl’s head I will personally kick your ass from here to California don’t test me” Schuyler

~Obviously she moves in with them immediately and spends every night sleeping between Alex and Eliza

~When things become too much in the city Eliza and her take a trip down to Mount Vernon for a girls-only retreat

~Maria and John never start a romantic relationship but they hit it off very quickly since they’re both abuse survivors (Her with James, him with his father) and John is more healed than she is but there’s wounds he’s still licking and sometimes its nice to just spend the day in silence with someone who understands that company is more important than conversation

~Eliza and Alex creating a crazy huge family for themselves which has confusing interconnecting romantic and platonic relationships but they love it so much they can’t describe it

~Whenever anyone asks about it Alex shows them the graph he’s made for them all

~Everyone has a specific color and one poor soul asks why he chose those colors and spends the next 45 minutes listening to him talking about why each of his signifs was given that very color choice

August 24, 2017

To the boy with the green eyes,

Remember the last time we saw each other? 
In your little blue car….
We poured our hearts out to one another. 
We cried on each other’s shoulders.
I confessed my love to you. 
You confessed your love to me. 
But you didn’t confess that this night was going to be your last.  

You stopped by to pick up your (very) late Christmas present. 
You knew how bad I had been, and asked what was wrong. 
We walked to your little blue car, put the windows down on that cold chilly moonlit night, and talked. 
I told you everything that was happening to me: 
My ex-boyfriend and his new guy. 
A friend that I thought I could trust. 
And a lover that broke my heart. 
I also told you I was in a very dark place. 
Do you remember what I said to you?
I’m too ashamed to confess what I did to myself. 
Please don’t make me say it. 
I don’t want to see you cry again. 
Your beautiful emerald looking eyes don’t deserve to have tears in them. 
They need to keep sparkling and smiling. 

After we cried together, I confessed my love to you. 
I didn’t expect you to say anything. 
I didn’t expect you to feel the same way. 
I just wanted you to listen. 
I remember looking into those dazzling green eyes, holding your hand, and telling you: 
“I know this sounds cheesy. And I know that it may not seem true. But this is the truth. I promise. I love you. I love you so much. And I want to let you know that I will always love you. No matter what. I don’t care if you’re with someone new. I don’t care if I’m with someone new. I don’t even care if I haven’t talked to you in months, or even years. I will always love you.”
You didn’t say anything. 
You just nodded as tears fell down your cheek from your watery green eyes. 

Then, I asked you what you wanted from me. 
You said:
“I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I never know what the right choice is. I never know what the right thing to do is. I always hurt you. I don’t want to keep hurting you. We had a lot of fun. And that’s all I wanted at first. And that’s what happened. I liked you. I really did. A lot. Then things changed. I wanted to hang out with you every day and be with you every day. And we did that. I wanted to be closer to you. And we did that too. Then stuff happened, and I got scared. I don’t know. I was scared to be happy. I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I wasn’t prepared at all for how I felt about you. I didn’t know how to take it to the next level. I didn’t know how to be your boyfriend.” 

These words still bring tears to my eyes.  
It’s as if we are star-crossed lovers; forever living different paths in our lives that don’t have any connection in the end, denying us of any chance of living a life together. 
But how can that be when we are existing at the same time?
You’re alive. 
I’m alive. 
And I have never felt more alive with anyone else than when I’m with you. 
Just the way you look at me with those alluring eyes is what convinces me that you are in love with me too. 
So why aren’t we together? 
Why are you with someone else? 
Why are you with her?
Is it because she can give you a family?
Is it because you want to believe she’s the one for you?
Not just you though, for your whole family. 
She’s someone they will accept. 
Nobody would accept me into your family. 
I think we both know that for sure. 

Two hundred and twenty-one days have passed since that night happened. 
I’ve gone through many stages of:
Hating you. 
Worrying about you. 
Wondering if you’re dead.
Wondering if you’re alive. 
Pretending you’re dead. 
Wishing for your presence. 
All while still loving you. 
It’s torture. 

I don’t know if I should give up. 
Or if I should keep waiting for you. 
Because a part of me feels that I will never find anybody like you. 

Nobody’s going to look at me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to touch me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to care about me the way you did. 
And nobody’s going to understand me the way you do.

Every time I talk to someone new, I compare them to you. 
I know that’s wrong, but it’s true and I can’t help it. 
That’s when I start to believe that they’re not good enough for me. 
Because I need to find somebody that’s so good that they make me forget about you…
I know that’s not fair and I think that’s what keeps me from letting people in. 
I put this steel cage around my heart when you left me, and you’re the only one with the key to open it. 
I just wish you would talk to me. 
I wish you would tell me to move on, but your silence speaks louder than words. 
It drives me crazy; leads me to believe that I did something wrong, but I didn’t. 
Maybe it’s your way of keeping me in the sidelines when things get bad with you and her. 
I don’t see how that’s fair, but I love you so much that I don’t care. 
I’ll take any excuse you give me to come back, so long as I get to see your face again. 

I’m sorry. 
I’m sorry for getting close to you. 
I’m sorry for burdening you with my problems. 
I’m sorry for loving you. 
I’m sorry for all of this. 
Maybe things would’ve been simpler if we just didn’t meet. 
But as people say, “Two souls don’t just meet by simple coincidence.”
I start to wonder why you came into my life. 
Or was it I that came into yours?
I wonder if you’ll ever come back to me, even as a friend. 
I miss you. 
I miss you so dearly. 
Please stay alive while I exist. 
Whether it’s a year or ten, I will wait for you. 
Because I love you, and I want to believe that we are meant to be together. 
I want to wake up every morning to those lovely green eyes of yours. 

I forgive you.
I forgive you for pretending that I don’t exist.
I forgive you for leaving me with no explanation.
I forgive you for choosing her over me.
I forgive you  for falling for me.
I get it now.
We are just simply not meant to be.
But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with that. 

You know me…
You know I always have so much to say to you.
You know I could write books about my love for you. 
But I have one more important thing to say….

Happy birthday. 

Love always and forever, 
The boy with the brown eyes 

Aro Ace Spectrum Orientations

Aromantic/Asexual:  When someone doesn’t feel sexual/ romantic attraction to anyone.

Aceflux/ Aroflux: When someone’s sexual/ romantic orientation fluctuates but always stays on the asexual spectrum.

Acespike/ Arospike:  When someone usually doesn’t feeling sexual attraction but occasionally rapidly skyrockets into intense attraction, then plummeting down to asexuality again.

Akoinsexual/ Akoinromantic: When someone feels sexual/ romantic attraction towards others and also enjoys romantic/ sexual relationships in theory, but does not need that affection to be reciprocated. An Akoinsexual/ Akoinromantic person may also experiencing sexual attraction until those feelings are reciprocated. (Also known as Lithsexual/Lithromantic or Akoisexual/ Akoiromantic)

Apothisexual/ Apothiromantic:  A specific term for when someone on the asexual/ aromantic spectrum is sex repulsed or romance repulsed.

Autochrissexual/ Autochrisromantic: When someone feels sexual arousal from something, but from a distance, as if they were someone else, and have no desire to do that thing themselves (Also known as Aegosexual/ Aegoromantic). 

Bellusromantic: When someone is fine with cute fluffy stuff with anyone but doesn’t want a relationship at all.

Cupiosexual/ Cupioromantic: When someone does not experience sexual/ romantic attraction, but still desires a sexual/ romantic relationship. (Also known as kalossexual/  kalosromantic)

Demisexual/ Demiromantic: When someone is only sexually/ romantically attracted to people they already have a strong emotional connection with.

Freysexual/ Freyromantic:  When Someone is sexualy/ romantically attracted to those they are less familiar with but after a while the “excitement” of meeting the new person dies down and you are perfectly content on just being friends.

Greysexual/ Greyromantic: When someone only feels sexual/ romantic attraction rarely. This term can also be a general term for identifying as somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum.

Idemromantic: When someone Categorizes relationships and feelings as platonic or romantic but experiences no notable internal differences

Placiosexual/ Placioromantic: When someone feels  little to no desire to receive sexual/romantic acts but expresses interest/desire in performing them on someone else.

Platonisexual/ Platoniromantic: When someone feels no difference between platonic and romantic attraction.

Propeestsexual/ Propeestromantic: An aro/ace spec identity which feels like a mix of many (any more than two aro identities) that all are a part of your identity

Recipsexual/ Recipromantic:  When someone feels sexual/ romantic attraction only after realizing someone is sexually/ romantically attracted to them.     

Requeissexual/Requeromantic: When someone feels limited or no sexual/romantic  attraction/interest/activity due to some form of emotional exhaustion or trauma.

Quoisexual/ Quoiromantic: Is when someone experiences sexual attraction in a way that is not typical of allosexuals individuals, but doesn’t knowing where they fit on the asexual spectrum; or not identifying with any of the existing labels./ Feeling as if the concept of romance or sexual attraction, etc. is inapplicable or nonsensical to one’s self (Also known as wtfsexual).

Hey I put this together pretty quickly, so please let me know if I missed any orientations, or if I have any definitions wrong, thank you!  

{PART 21} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; Just when you thought your night couldn’t possibly become any more heartbreaking; the man you thought you knew turns out to be something you had only ever considered to exist within the realms of nightmares and folklore.

“Perhaps, he didn’t want to be understood, so much as he wanted to be loved. His truth would set her free, but the question remained; would she stay?”

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time)

{Part 1} // {Part 20} {Part 21} {Part 22}

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If you had told Dex even a week ago that he would willingly be sharing a blanket with Derek Nurse on the floor of the Haus living room all afternoon, pressed together so close they’re practically in each other’s laps, he would’ve laughed in your face.

Now, he just bangs a fist against the side of the old space heater in front of them and subtly pulls Nursey a little closer into his side. Not that there’s all that much closer to pull him.

“I told them,” he mutters. “Draft fucking central.”

He not so much sees as senses Nursey roll his eyes. “Rans and Holtzy not letting you replace all the windowpanes last year is not why the heating went out, yo.”

Intellectually, Dex know this. But it’s easier to blame their former captains for their current predicament than it is to blame the fact that he’s let routine Haus maintenance slide so much this semester that they’ve ended up here. Because if Dex doesn’t keep a close eye on things like the barely functioning water heater, or the garbage disposal that’s missing two blades and is about to fall out of the sink entirely, who will?

Except, well, he’s been distracted this year. From the moment he got back from summer break and moved into the attic with Nursey, he’s been… distracted.

Nursey is distracting.

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home after rain

blue orchids short story

pairing: jungkook | reader
genre: too much fluff.. too much cute
word count: 3.986
author’s note: surprise! \o/ I honestly have no idea how or why this happened. yesterday I just… started writing, and here we are, a few thousand words later. also, bear in mind that this is a sequel to blue orchids, so you need to read that one first if you want to understand this short piece. hope you all enjoy!

This story is set six years into the future within Blue Orchids’ universe.


The sun rays are melting on your skin. It has been a while since the skies opened up like this, leaving the sun bare to the living, its warmth a pleasant gift after days of storm and gloom. The sand under your legs and feet is, fortunately, not scorching — not yet, at least. The early morning is still warming up to the pristine sun, and the salty winds of the beach are still a strange mixture of the growing heatwave and the remnants of past iciness.

You cannot remember the last time you visited the beach, but it does not feel foreign or uncomfortable. It feels like you belong, mind at peace and body molding to the sand as your extended legs allow your toes to brush against the gentle waves that break and ebb away, water still too chilly to enjoy at its fullest.

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I want to talk about this whole “punching nazis” thing, which I have been thinking about for some days.

To start, let me clarify that I have no moral or ethical qualms with Richard Spencer getting punched in the face on tv. I’d be happy to see it happen again.

But I do have a couple issues with much of the dialogue that has emerged in the wake of this event.

A lot of the people suddenly talking about nazis right now are people who didn’t seem to even realize they existed in this country prior to this election.

A lot of people seem to have gotten some strange ideas about how and where nazis are typically encountered, or who they actually are.

So, I’d like to talk about some of the times in my life when I’ve encountered nazis.

Before I do that, let’s try to establish a definition. There are a lot of different stripes of fascists and white supremacists out there, with varying agendas and varying degrees of organization. In the US we’ve got many types, ranging from the KKK and Aryan Nation to various unorganized skinhead rabble to the newish group calling itself the Alt Right. It seems easiest, at least for the sake of this argument, to lump those all together under one general “nazi” category. But does that really make sense? I’ll come back to that. But for now, in most of the examples I will describe below, these were people who openly called themselves such.

Also, I want to establish a bit about who I am. I don’t like to discuss any of these things publicly, but I also feel like I kind of have to, to explain where I am coming from. So: I am Jewish, I am bi, I am neurodivergent. Due to this last thing, I have certain issues navigating the physical world. I am physically fit but not athletic. I have very little self defense training. By occupation I am a musician.

And lastly I want to point out that these examples are from 15-20 years ago and describe some of my earliest encounters with these forces to provide context. And I’m going to start with some clear cut cases:

I first became aware of the existence of modern nazis my first year in high school. This was in the suburbs of San Francisco. I had a few friends who were into punk music and culture. I heard about “white power punks” and nazi skinheads who would sometimes show up at shows. When I started going out I would see them every once in a while. When I started going up to the city, at that time there were places that were absolutely notorious for nazi skinheads. I never interacted with them, I always steered clear of them, and never really fell in with the punk scene anyway. But that’s when I first became aware that there were people in modern America who called themselves nazis and directly advocated for white supremacy.

To be honest I did not think of myself as their “target” because (in my mind, at that time) Jewish culture in the SF Bay Area was practically invisible and unlikely to be on their radar. In fact I didn’t think too deeply about who their target was. I mostly thought they were crazy people who loved violence and called themselves “nazis” because it was the meanest thing they could think of, that they were in favor of “white power” because it was so obviously wrong. At this time, there was fair amount of tension in the state around the issue of immigration from Mexico. But it did not occur to me then that there could have been any relationship between the xenophobia I saw expressed by mainstream circles in conversations about Proposition 187 and the blatant, violent white supremacy expressed by the skinheads on the periphery of local punk scenes. (also please note that I am aware that not all skinheads are nazis and that there is an anti-racist element within skinhead culture as well)

In college, in Pittsburgh, I lived on a store with a convenience store on one end. One of the people who worked in this store was a skinhead who wore a jacket covered in various white power/“rock against communism” band logos. He had a group of similar buddies that often hung around nearby, a couple of whom had aryan nation tattoos. On several occasions when I woke up in the morning I would find leaflets distributed up and down the block decrying the Holocaust as a “Jewish scam to make money”. These flyers were attributed to Church of the Creator, one of the more active neo-nazi groups in Pennsylvania at that time. Every once in a while I would cautiously engage in arguments with some people on the fringes of that crew of guys who hung out in the area. Things were sometimes tense but never got physical. Soon after 9/11 most of them disappeared. I don’t know why or where to.

While traveling alone in Slovenia, I nearly ran into a parade of about 40 skinheads chanting and marching in the street while I was on the way back to where I was staying. I do not know what specific group they were affiliated with but wore patches with the common “celtic cross” symbol used by far right/white nationalist groups all over the world. At that time, fascist graffiti covered Ljubljana.

Those are just a few of the more blatant examples from that time. These experiences were not rare. The KKK and various neo-nazi groups held public parades and rallies all throughout this period, and sometimes showed up as counter protestors or forces of violence at protests for progressive causes. They marched through downtown Pittsburgh - with the local government’s blessing - and many other cities in that region.

There were protestors at those marches, and there were people who fought the nazis directly, but the general consensus in mainstream liberal circles at that time seemed to be that nazis had the right to march just like anyone else, that any violence against them would be bad. It certainly wasn’t at all common to hear college educated, NY Times-reading liberals talking about the glories of “punching nazis”. This is a problematic but very complicated phenomenon: they were to be tolerated up until the point at which they’ve come into power.

But let me explain why _I_ didn’t go around punching the nazis I saw, during those times when I encountered them personally. To some extent, part of me did follow that logic mentioned above, but that’s not the real reason. The real reason is pretty simple: most nazis are a lot better at fighting than I am, they do it more frequently, they usually travel in numbers, they are often armed, and in almost every circumstance when I’ve encountered them the odds would not have been remotely in my favor had things gotten physical.

Richard Spencer was alone and unarmed standing in front of a video camera busily talking about an internet meme while he was sucker punched. This occurred in broad daylight in a very crowded, open area with a ton of media and police present. While I applaud the anonymous puncher for seizing upon that opportunity, that’s not really a typical situation in which one encounters nazis.

Recently, Richard Spencer posted a video in reaction to this incident. In this video he mentions that the Alt Right will not succeed if they are unable to be who they are in public. I’ve seen a lot of people pointing to this video as a sign of victory over the Alt Right, a sign that they are scared. I think the latter half is true but not the former. What Spencer is saying is that they are going to ramp up security. And I would anticipate that these people will begin to receive even more protection from the current administration.

So, this is one conclusion I’d like to leave here - in most cases “punching nazis” means getting involved in serious physical violence in which your life will be at risk. And that risk is only going to increase in the future. Fantasizing about punching some idiot talking about a frog on tv is fun, but I think it ignores the realities that many have faced and many more are about to face. And while many of us have disabilities that hinder us in this department, I think it would behoove anyone who is serious about getting physical with fascists to study and learn how to do so before getting involved in a situation you are unprepared for. I would also think long and hard before making that demand of anyone else. But that’s not the most important point.

I’d like to circle back to talking about definitions. The examples I gave above are obvious. These were people who, in almost all cases, were openly wearing the actual logos of white supremacist organizations. So let me bring up a different example:

About one year after 9/11 I was in Budapest, taking an overnight train to Amsterdam. I had a spot in a sleeper compartment on a train. I got on and a couple other passengers came in. One of them was a young guy, a little older than me (I was in my early 20’s at this time). He spoke English very well and we got to talking. It turned out he was an Austrian who worked in finance. Middle management at a major bank. He bought us a couple of beers and we were getting along. Inevitably, the topic of 9/11 came up. Seemingly out of nowhere, he explains to me how “there were no Jews in the building that day”. He then goes on to explain how 9/11 and the entire War on Terror that was then unfolding was all a Jewish plot to direct money to Israel’s armed forces. And hinted that the Holocaust was a similar plot. I tried to argue with him for a bit (without letting on that I was Jewish) but it was nearly impossible to get through to him, and he soon became surly and then passed out. I tried to do the same. But what caught my attention was that this man was well spoken, dressed conservatively, he looked every bit the upper middle class finance professional. It was difficult to imagine him in a street fight. No one would have described this person as being on the fringes of his society.

Up until a year ago, if I told this story to a European, or to an American person of color, they were unsurprised. But if I told it to a white American their reaction would usually be “yeah, well, that’s Europe for you”.

But that’s never been the case.

One common narrative is that many of the groups of fascists have figured out that they aren’t going to get very far if they are seen just thugs who march around on the street wearing in leather jackets getting in scraps. many of them have figured this out some time ago, and have been infiltrating mainstream education and corporate life. And yes, that is happening.

But there is a big problem with that narrative: it ignores the fact that many of America’s institutions and businesses are, themselves, organizations that promote white supremacy. Many of our banks, many of our police departments, our prison system, much of our media. Does these mean they are all “nazis”? Not really. But what it does mean is that white supremacy is not some outside force that just suddenly popped out of Steve Bannon’s suitcase. It’s been here for a long time. It is deeply engrained in our society. Fascism is not some new danger that we suddenly need to prevent from being “normalized” - for much of America, fascism has been the norm for a very long time.

Here’s my point with all of this: sooner or later, Trump will be defeated. This regime is monstrous, but I have seen the power and anger and sheer volume of opposition to it, and I do not think that this regime will last. My worry is, once this most obvious of enemies is defeated, the liberal establishment will go right back to completely forgetting that white supremacy and fascism are a major problem in this country. The sad fact is, even when Democrats in power, even when the POTUS is the most progressive sounding person electable, the nazis are still here, white supremacy is still here, fascism is still here. And not always on “the other side”. We need to remember that, we need to keep pointing to them and ostracizing them and speaking out against white supremacy and fascism even when it looks like things are more comfortable, because that comfort is a trap.

How I see kpop groups new version

Exo: shimmie shimmie kokobop; high af mv; every other song on the album is a bop; i have no idea how this album/mv has a connection to the war; awful hairstyles; too many vibrant colors; what’s going on with lay; still not enough sehun lines

Bts: not today happened; love yourself is happening; seriously who can keep up with all those insane theories; every western artist want to collaborate with them; gyeonwo chong jojun balsa; still waiting for them jin lines and screentime; let jhope hold another v live without asking for other members

Ikon: alright since my earlier post ikon and winner totally switched positions; ikon where? somewhere in the basement; give them proper promotion; no more badass hiphop comebacks pls; i miss the team b era; i feel like all their predebut tracks were better; b-day is alright; btw what the hell are these new stage names; EVERYONE I LOVE IKON DON’T HATE ME

Got7: all their songs feel like a mess musically; give them songs that showcase their talents; something like the latest jj project release; bitch we had to wait 5 years for that jjp masterpiece; i honestly like trilogies but not got7’s; why y’all think jackson’s gonna leave got7; hard carry by monsta x is still hilarious

Winner: so yg rememberd they exist; i absolutely love their newer side (really really, island); thank you for not having a summer ballad; have you people realized what a gem jinwoo’s voice is; happy for namtae for his new band; sorry for namtae for struggling with mental illness; leave the boy alone don’t hate him for no reason; dude is really really an artist

Day6: thank you for spoiling us with good music every month; although i prefer their debut era, i think this is their true sound; but songs sound a bit same; still underappreciated; miss their buskings; thought jae is gonna take a longer twitter hiatus but gladly no; miss his hashtags; stop bullying wonpil 2k17; still no lines for dowoon

Astro: baby was not my style; but eunwoo is still a living god; stop growing sanha 2k17; still waiting for a more mature concept; mature, not sexy, no need to reveal anything; although they did it already

Seventeen: maaan their al1 album once again is a masterpiece; so mature; love the hiphop units new sound; the choreo dang; did you pay attention to joshua’s part? that dance is wow; minimal rap i like it; wainting for european dates within their world tour; hoshi rocked the orange hair; and woozi the red; too much hair damage

Vixx: they are one of my bias groups but not gonna lie, i hate shangri la; although a unique concept; use airconditioners or fans or whatever when they’re performing, no more fainting pls; but the lr comeback is here; such a 180 turn from beautiful liar; aesthetic mv; listen to beautiful night(?) it’s amazing; lr is amazing

Shinee: nothing new for them; thought they were one of the few groups without scandals; guess what i was wrong; take care onew; they need a comeback asap

Infinite: nothing since last october; hoya pls sign that contract ir i’m gonna flip tables; infinite with a unique sound and choreography; the choreo needs hoya; don’t want them to enter military, no, not yet; pls have an ot7 comeback

Monsta x: beautiful happened, shine forever happened BUT WHERE IN DAFUQ IS THEIR FIRST WIN????; a lipton commercial summer bop happened; tho i have no idea what does the title have to do with the song; from zero happened, i NEED a studio version; hyungwonho happened; monsta x in hungary didn’t happen; monsta x ray is happening, throw an oscar at them for that drama; i need more hyungwon and siwoo; starship why releasing that dating statement when noone knew anything; let them rest; hyungwon is officially a viral meme; mosta x still happens, hyungKwon also happens

Bigbang: gd’s solo is perfect; another scandal and shit; military service; that’s it

B.A.P: the cover of their latest japanese album is gorgeous; what are those awful hairstyles once again; i was too scared to check out yongguk’s solo; b.a.p in hungary happened; i wasn’t there; i love daehyun’s voice; hope zelo is not growing anymore

Block B: i’m not sure what’s up with them; but block b in hungary happened; without po; and i wasn’t there; miss their older stuff; i want more bastarz; still perverts; still business partners

NCT: not sure where nct 127 is going; cherry bomb was awful, a real mess; if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands is still stuck in my head; wardrobe and hairstyle were better this time; i love nct dream; the chorus from we young is so familiar; sounds like the theme song in the pc game insaniquarium; miss jaemin; where’s nct u; and hansol; give love to doyoung; let mark rest for god’s sake

Pentagon: critical beauty was so weird yet visually satisfying; but this album was my least favourite from them;  that wooseok and e’dawn pairing tho; missed yanan; why is there that right before promotions a member is getting injured; triple h happend for good; e'dawn is hot with a lot of tattos; never and energetic are bops; thank you hui

Btob: still so weird; everyone going solo; ballads are in the past bops are back; movie was not my style

Highlight: yaaay they have a new name; i legit thought it’d be bea5t; rookies yet swiping up them music show trophies; sometimes people still call them beast; i was hoping the fandom name was gonna be highlighters

Super Junior: i was anticipating their autumn comeback; but no sungmin; thank you k-„fans”; i’m so happy d&e are back from the military; please love the china line

Nu’est: my babies they are finally getting the spotlight they deserved since their debut; thought pd101 was not gonna do justice for them but hell it did; best choice ever; minhyun finally got a first win; soon is gonna nu’est w; love the meaning behind w; still fucking salty the nation’s producers forgot about jonghyun in the last minute

Ftisland: the more i know them the more i don’t wanna know them; love their freedom in everything-wise; the biggest perverts omg; why were y’all sleeping on wind when it was so important for them and it’s beautiful; sometimes i feel like they want to prove that they are relevant; and they are; 4757857+ years more together pls; WHY DID I SAY PUPPY WAS BAD IT’S A FUCKIN’ BOMB; ftisland in hungary is happening AND I’M FUCKING GONNA BE THERE; jaejin i’m coming

Cnblue: i want to like their korean music but I don’t; last time i forgot they’re giants; yonghwa solo

SF9: 2 comebacks within 2(?) months; bururengnya; the jungle game choreo is jawdropping but it’s not fit for a choreo; easy love was wow; kinda sounds like old kpop; too many taeyang lines; where are jaeyoon’s

KNK: sun moon star was meh; rain is also not my favourite but the mv is wonderful; how to be that extra as they are

2pm: i’m not sure what’s happening with them rn

U-kiss: i’m not sure also; kevin left the group

B1A4: sorry but still not sure

Teen top: god dammit love is was pure perfection; it totally gave me old kpop vibes; the dance was on point as expected; like the footwork once again; welcome back teen top

Wanna one: ongniel, winkdeep; jinhwi; jaehwan x minhyun etc, so many ships; wanna one go is hilarious; sungwoons grandfather is amazing; teach jaehwan how to clean; that psychotic laugh tho; i’m still burn it up team; weekly idol with them is… a mess; breaking tv show rating records; god how many music show wins they have already; there is so much more but it’s not a how I see wanna one post

Boyfriend: they just had a korean release; was it a comeback or what; i do love monsta with all my heart but boyfriend still exists if anyone needs a reminder; their evolution throughout the years is insane; they own a special place in my heart cuz they were the group who made me fall in love with kpop; so thank you boyfriend, thank you i yah, thank you hungary, thank you music channel

N.flying: i don’t know much about them, but the real is a great song; go check it out now; the mv is hilarious; i don’t recall whether i ever laughed at a music video; that plot twist omg; jang moonbok as a mermaid; clap clap; if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands


So I just decided to make another ‘How I see kpop groups’ with the same groups, but it’s an updated version. I mean no harm with any of my statements and I think this time I was pretty positive (with a little sarcasm). Last time a I got a few hate comments about my Ikon statements so yeah. I love them. And this time I wasn’t shameless with group promo. I have a link to every song I mentioned so if you don’t know what/who I’m talking about then click the links. Hope it’s as fun as last time. And sorry if I was biased with some groups. Enjoy! :3

Stood Up

This one’s prompt is quite long, so bare with me! So i’ve just watched the first two episode of Riverdale and i’m in love! And I saw this prompt and I really wanted to write it for Jughead Jones, which is my absolute favourite character. AND I have an announcement, REQUESTS ARE NOW OPEN AND I’VE ADDED RIVERDALE TO THE LIST. Please, send in some requests, specifically for the 100 or Riverdale! Thank you!

Prompt: You’ve been stood up by your boyfriend and just when you’re about to leave after being question many times, Jughead comes and sits down. Proclaiming he’s now your date and that he’d just been caught up in traffic jokingly, and the worst date ends up being the best.

Warnings: none. only that i’ve only watched the tv show, so i’m basing this purely off Cole Sprouse’s rendition of Jughead.


Originally posted by noahsweetwne

This night had turned out to be the worst. It had originally been a night you’d been waiting and anticipating for for a really long time, even if it had been delayed and winded down countless time’s each time your boyfriend cancelled on you, you were still excited.

You two month anniversary, which was now closer to being three, was what you were celebrating tonight. Your two month boyfriend, Archie Andrews had promised an exciting night where it would be just the two of you and celebrate all that had happened. It was also the perfect time because it was summer, and with Archie always being so busy with his dads work, getting him alone was hard.

But then it’d been delayed. And delayed. And eventually it was after the incident with Jason, when your date was finally set to actually happen. It had turned into a dinner date at Pop’s rather than whatever Archie originally planned, but you didn’t care so much seeing as you loved the place. The milkshakes were to die for.

It felt odd celebrating after the death of someone who’d been around your age, but you told yourself you deserved it after waiting so long. And you’d been so excited, picking an appropriate but beautiful dress, and done your hair up nicely. You were practically pouncing with excitement when you’d left home. 

Now, though, all that had deflated when an hour alter you still sat in Pop’s alone and with no sight of Archie. Those around you questioned you with concerned looks and Pop’s himself had come over asking if you’d like to just order without Archie or if you needed a ride home, but you refused. Trying to convince your crumbling heart that Archie hadn’t stood you up and would walk through the doors any second. 

But he never did. And it hurt. So much. After weeks of being sympathetic and understanding towards him and his constant cancelling and rescheduling, you felt your heart break just a little bit more at the realization that he didn’t care for you the way you thought he had. And maybe you fooled yourself think he’d cared for you these past two (three) months.

So when Pop’s walked over, his smile of pity doing nothing but make you feel worse, you grabbed your purse. “Hello, sweetheart.” He greeted and you smile at him softly.

“Hey, Pop’s.” You greeted, waving at him. “I think i’m gonna head home, I-I…” You had to stop yourself as your voice cracked desperately, you’d amazed yourself even that you hadn’t started crying yet. “I’m sorry for holding up the table for so long.”

Pop’s smiled reassuringly. You’d known the older man for a very long time and you always appreciated his kind attitude. “No problem, Y/N. Take all the time you need.” He said, rubbing your shoulder comfortingly. You grabbed your purse and moved to step out before a sudden figure sped past you and you heard a huff of breath.

Confused, you turned to see Jughead Jones sitting in the seat in front of you. His computer by his side as he smiled awkwardly at you. You blinked, not sure what he wanted. You’d never really talked to him, he always sort of stuck to himself but him and Archie were friends, or had been. And anytime you walked by him he’d given you a polite hello and a warm wave. He’d always seemed nice enough.

But this didn’t explain what he was doing now?

Pop’s wore the same baffled expression as you both looked at him expectantly. “Jughead?” You whispered and soft voice cut out, tilting your head at him waiting for him to explain.

“Sorry i’m late.” Was all he said, adding to your confusion.

“Huh?” You whispered. Hand stuck on your purse.

“The traffic was bad and I hadn’t meant to be late for out date, but I was and for that i’m sorry.” Date? You furrowed your brows, eyes narrowing in absolute confusion, not quite sure what to do.

“Son, I think you’d got this wrong.” Pop’s tried, staring at you for answers which you couldn’t give.

Jughead tore his gaze from you, turning to Pops with a dry look of amusement. “We’ll be good now. She’ll have a strawberry milkshake.” And with a final look towards you, Pop’s walked off and went to complete your order.

“Jughead?” You asked once alone, the boy turned to you. Shaking his head as a much more serious expression became over his face. 

“Archie is an idiot.” He said, shaking his head. “for standing you up like this.”

You stayed silent, letting go of your purse as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ears. Frowning at your lap, “yeah.”

“Listen, I know we’ve never talked and your date stood you up. But I was wondering if you’d like to spend the next hour with me instead?” Jughead offered and you felt your eyes widening in shock. You’d never heard of Jughead, the outcast, inviting anyone to sit with him or hang out with him. It was undeniably sweet and you felt yourself blushing as a strawberry milkshake was placed in front of you.

Nodding thanks, you waited for Pop’s to leave before refocusing on Jughead. “Why?”

“Hm?”

“Why are you doing this?” You asked, not understanding his intentions. No one had done something so sweet for you, not even Archie.

“I’ve seen you, you follow Archie around as he barely pays attention to.” He explained, staring into your eyes with a look that told you he knew something you didn’t. “And despite standing you up, you’ll accept his apology.”

You opened your mouth, ready to defend yourself, before you realized what he said was true. Archie had done this a few times and each time your forgave him. 

“But I know what it’s like to be stood up by him, Y/N. And i know how much it can hurt. So, I thought that instead of brooding about it alone, I would brood about it with you.” 

With a sudden smile, you felt your cheeks warm and you nodded. You’d never pegged Jughead as someone sweet, he wasn’t a bad guy but this side you didn’t know existed. And secretly you were glared, this was better than going home and crying, and he seemed genially sincere.

You let your lips find your milkshake and you took a sweet gulp of it, enjoying the taste before smiling up at Jughead. “Then let’s brood together.”


Remember you can now request Riverdale imagines, so please do so! Hope you enjoyed! 

So You Think You’re Not Racist

Alternate title: “Levels of Racism: Why White Fans and Creators Have a Responsibility to Confront Our Biases”

So here’s a thing I’ve been thinking about for a while. I’m pretty sure it’s nothing new and if anyone knows of resources written by Black people that address this, please send me the info because I definitely want to read them. 

(Also if I’ve misstepped or misspoken in any way, please let me know. Criticism is welcome.)

Part of the difficulty of discussing racism, particularly with other white people, is that we don’t actually think about the same thing when we talk about racism. The way I see it, there are three levels:

  1. Individual beliefs and actions that are rooted in racial prejudice
  2. Subconscious racial bias that comes from socialization
  3. Systemic racism enshrined in institutions of power

There are probably more in between, and obviously these aren’t strict black and white categories; there’s a lot of overlap and blurred lines involved. I don’t know if any particular level is worse than the others, and I don’t think I’m qualified to speak on that. But I think these work well as large bucket categories.

The problem is that often people are talking about different levels without actually realizing it. When I try to get my parents to understand why level 2 might lead them to judge Colin Kaepernick’s method of protest unfairly, they respond as if I’ve accused them of level 1 racism. When I tell my coworker that I don’t like the Bruins because the crowd booed PK Subban every time he had the puck, I can tell he’s desperately trying to come up with a reason other than race because he doesn’t want to accuse an entire stadium of people of being level 1 racists, when really the problem is probably a mix of 1 & 2.

And obviously, they’re all bad. They’re all racism and we should fight against all of them. But I think we have to fight against the different levels in different ways, which is why people get frustrated with these conversations.

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masterpost of iconic lines/moments in Froot (2015) by Marina and the Diamonds

Happy: 

  • when the chorus effect starts on the line “melted away like I was free” and my soul escaped my body, went to hell, and was immediately forgiven by the benevolent god that is marina diamandis
  • “I realize to be happy, maybe I need a little company” and I started crying one minute and forty seconds into the album
  • the sheer force with which my head was ejected from my body when she hits the high note on “I believe someone’s watching over me”
  • the chord changes in the bridge making me feel melancholy realness, honey
  • invented the piano, invented happy songs that sound sad, invented music
  • I’ve fallen asleep crying to this song an uncountable amount of times

Froot:

  • THE FUCKING BASS RIFF IN THE FIRST TWO SECONDS which precisely and methodically severed my ear canal from my cranium
  • everything about this song
  • “ju-u-u-uice, la la la la la la la” >>> the entire discography of the rolling stones, the beatles, led zeppelin, and all of your dusty-ass “iconic” faves 
  • the sultriness of the fucking low G she hits perfectly and consistently throughout the verses
  • “but I ain’t in a patient phase” probably the most iconic modern music will get
  • the way she sings “come on fill your cup uuuuuuuUUUUUPP” shattering my femur
  • “i’ve been saving all my summers for you” assassinates all of the poetry by William Shakespeare combined
  • every part of the second verse, especially “baby I am plump and ripe, I’m pinker than shepard’s delight, sweet like honeysuckle late at night” which was better sex-ed than I received throughout my entire adolescent academic career
  • “birds and worms will come for me, the cycle of life is complete” making fucking DECOMPOSITION the sexiest thing anyone has ever said in the compendium of human history
  • The Fucking Bridge Melody that she sings well beyond the troposphere, above the stratosphere, and sitting sexily in the mesosphere
  • “oh my body is ready, yeah it’s ready, yeah it’s ready”

I’m a Ruin

  • marina single-handedly addressing the complexities of young-adult relationships with “I could treat you better but I’m not that smart”
  • the insane degree to which I scream “yeah yeah, uh huh, woo hoo, yeah yeah” at the end of the chorus, thus startling my neighbors and setting off car alarms
  • “It’s difficult to move on when nothing was right and nothing was wrong” making me spray tears out of my eyes like a machine gun
  • the way the back up vocals come in on “I’ve had my share of beautiful men, but I’m still young and I want to love again”
  • the dichotomy of “I’ll ruin you” and “I’m a ruin” are proven to be one and the same, thus ending the careers of marriage counselors across the world

Blue

  • the iconic and instantly-memorable backing track
  • the continuity between the themes of the last song with the opening line “we’ve broken up and now I regret it”
  • the FORESHADOWING of “and I don’t know why but I can’t forget it” which alludes to the themes of the NEXT song, Forget, basically proving Marina doesn’t need references to any body of literature but her own goddamn songs
  • “gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self-esteem” ejecting my wig at mach 3 into another dimension
  • the sheer craftsmanship of the pre-chorus, which is perfectly catchy and memorable while refraining from cliches
  • the way the beat picks up on the chorus and I demand my non-existent ex to “gimme one more night”
  • “I’m sick of looking after you, I need a man to hold on to, I’m bored of everything we do, but I just keep coming back to you” proving marina is just as fed up with fuckboys as we are, but is just as flawed and hypocritical as us, showing her imperfections and making her more worthy of our worship
  • ending the song on the pre-chorus like the fucking INNOVATOR of MODERN MUSIC she is??? like please tell me WHEN will your fave

Forget

  • this list doesn’t include the visuals from the music videos but I will make an exception for the ICONIC wig she wears in the video
  • the vocals for “never heal” sending me into a tailspin and crashing into a ditch at 70 mph
  • 50% of the chorus is the word “forget” and it is STILL the height of modern literature
  • after her mention of an “abacus” in the second verse, abacus sales went up 2000% and surpassed their unprecedented popularity in ancient Greece
  • “yeah it’s time to be letting go, yeah baby you know what I’m talking about” probably the most iconique start to a bridge physically possible in this dimension
  • “YEAH I’VE BEEN DANCING WITH THE DEVIL I LOVE THAT HE PRETENDS TO CARE IF I’LL EVER GET TO HEAVEN WHEN A MILLION DOLLARS GETS YOU THERE OH ALL THE TIME THAT I HAVE WASTED CHASING RABBITS DOWN A HOLE WHEN I WAS BORN TO BE THE TORTOISE I WAS BORN TO WALK ALONE” is not supposed to be a high-intensity part of the song but I don’t fucking care obviously
  • the way she fucking develops the lyrics of the chorus throughout the song and makes each line the best life lesson you ever heard??? who is this woman?????

Gold

  • by FAR the most underrated song on the album for no goddamn reason like, have you demons even listened to it?? hmmmmm????
  • i have no idea how the accompaniment was made for the song but whoever did it was a genius and needs to be remembered for the rest of time
  • “doesn’t matter long as I am your star, sta-AAARRRR” melodically groundbreaking, please take notes everyone
  • “don’t think i want what I used to want, don’t think I need what i used to need” addressing the pains of growing out of old friendships and passions in a fun approach
  • “you can’t take away the Midas touch, so you better make way for a GREEK GOLD RUSH” YES MAMA REPRESENT YOUR COUNTRY LIKE THE GODDESS YOU AAAARE
  • knew she could rhyme “El Dorado” with “Colorado” and fucking did
  • the fade out at the end of the song painting her as a con-artist or corrupt gold-dealer being hauled off to jail while reveling in the near success of her schemes is what???? I C O N I C

Can’t Pin Me Down

  • this song is direct proof that marina is a straight up motherfucking KUNT in charge of her destiny. the album is labeled as explicit because of this ONE song and only ONE line: “you might think I’m one thing, but I am another. You can’t call my bluff, TIME TO BACKUP MOTHERFUCKER” like not only is this the most badass line in the history of language, but this line was so important to her that she made the album explicit JUST FOR THIS ONE LINE. SHE IS AN ICON. END OF STORY.
  • she is a feminist! BUT! “Do you really want me to write a feminist anthem, I’m happy in the kitchen cooking dinner for my husband” proving that you do NOT know this bitch. she is nothing you think she is. except that she is an I C O N.
  • the meter of “just another girl in the twenty-first century” has me unpredictably and immeasurably shook because she is just! that! kind! of! girl!
  • “You think I’m like the others, boy you need to get your eyes che-e-e-e-e-e-ecked, che-e-e-e-e-e-e-ecked” blew the skin clean off of my face
  • “i can be your russian doll” like,,,, gag
  • the entire concept and existence of this song is revolutionary and cements her position as the strongest female artist of our generation

Solitaire

  • holy FUCK you guys love to hate amazing songs, don’t you?? this song is without a doubt one of my favorites and you fuckers have the NERVE
  • the production on this song is one of a kind and continues to prove her versatility in style on this album. any reservations you had about her from electra heart better be EVAPORATED by this point.
  • the melodies on this song are, besides Froot, the catchiest on the album for me. they are so well crafted and inventive, i am shaking
  • “hard like a rock, cold like stone, white like a diamond, black like coal, cut like a jewel, yeah I repair myself when you’re not there” is such an amazing pre-chorus for this song like it could no possibly be better than that
  • the way the mood shifts from the verse to the chorus cut off my arms with raw blunt force
  • the flourish on the line “and I’ll admit all I wanna do is get drunk and silent” gave me an aneurysm
  • holy fucking SHIT the end of the bridge is for sure a highlight on the album. “but I’m not cursed, i’m not cursed, I was just covered in dirt” like damn marina go all the way off
  • the extra-dimensional high notes on this song are second to none, babes

Better Than That

  • “You’re just another in a long line of men she screwed” is the FUCKING WAY TO START A SONG, GIRLS. ARE YOU JOTTING THIS DOWN??
  • “So why’s she looking like a cat who got the cream?” ugh marina is so perfect I cannot deal with this bitch anymore
  • the sheer vocal talent on the chorus, like how high can this girl go? someday she’s going to rupture my eardrums and I will thank her personally
  • “with an angel voice, devil in disguise” the vocal production for this is perfect and successfully made me shit myself
  • “and she’ll network till her dreams come true, even if it means getting in a bed with you” miss marina is out for BLOOD everyone, the music industry is cowering in fear of her objective talent and lack of fucks
  • “i’m not passing judgment on her sexual life, I’m passing judgement on the way she always stuck her knife in my back” whoever this woman is she is getting READ for FILTH by lady diamandis and you all need to watch your backs

Weeds

  • this song is straight out of a sappy rom-com and I am fully living for it
  • “but it keeps growing back like WEEDS” I am currently screaming please give me a moment
  • “and God knows what sex is, a way to feel a bit, a little bit less lonely” marina chose sex to be a prominent theme on this album but she has shown she can handle it in the moment mature way any woman in the industry can. it’s subtle, it’s methodical, it isn’t vulgar, it’s just straight real and honest and such an important thing to discuss! this song is another aspect of how sex can be important in our lives. she better preach tbh
  • the aesthetics can reserved character on this song are a beautiful contrast that the album needed. filler tracks who???

Savages

  • full disclosure, this song blew a hole right through my body with the sheer impact of its lyrics and chorus
  • there are so many fucking good lyrics on this song, it’s truly baffling that anyone has a career in the music industry after this was dropped
  • “I’m not afraid of God, I am afraid of man” I am Screeching
  • the first beat of the chorus, my bodily fluids are already dripping from the ceiling and my bones are crushed into a fine powder
  • “underneath it all, we’re just savages hidden behind shirts, ties, and marriages” she is prophet, the chosen one, the woman who will deliver us from our mortal coils
  • “another day, another tale of rape, another ticking bomb to bury deep and detonate” Marina is fully aware of the important problems our nation is facing at the time the album was released and even to today. she isn’t a shallow artist like the persona she created in electra heart, she has become almost the exact opposite. She is taking on these issues with a clear judgment and grace and I am so proud and appreciative of her work.
  • “are you killing for yourself or killing for your savior?” YES YOU BETTER ASSASSINATE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS
  • the buildup in the last chorus to the E T H E R E A L ending is clearly the climax of modern pop music

Immortal

  • you could play this song for me and tell me it’s a message from an angel and I would 200% believe you
  • the melody on this track is so fucking pristine it’s like a glacier melting in your mouth
  • it continues the themes of humanity from Savages but looks at a completely different issue about it. this album is cohesive, planned out, and a complete and full body of work
  • the moment the chorus hits with “I’m forever chasing after time” my limbs are being forcibly extended by a device of love and torture
  • “but if the earth ends in fire, and the seas are frozen in time, there will be just one survivor, the memory that I was yours and you were mine” ok not kidding anymore this is STRAIGHT up MOTHER fucking POETIC genius and innovation at its most concentrated and talented moment
  • when she says “twice” on the high note in the chorus, it’s like the most beautiful bell shattering in my ear, tbqh
  • THE FUCKING BRIDGE is actual art. “I just wanna be able to say the I live my life” the way she executes this melody is cold-blooded and frankly she should be charged with manslaughter for it


bottom line, Marina Diamandis released the biggest breakthrough in pop music to date in 2015 and all of you demons let it flop. if you have the nerve to call this album a failure, I have literally 0 respect for you and no one is ever going to love you

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can’t. I’ll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I’m excited. Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B’s. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That’s me! - Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I’d make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I’m glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I’m not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don’t waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That’s why we don’t need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp… under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… …9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it’s just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it’ll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… Honey! - That girl was hot. - She’s my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we’re all cousins. - Right. You’re right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you’ll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. What’s the difference? You’ll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. So you’ll just work us to death? We’ll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! “What’s the difference?” How can you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I’ve never seen them this close. They know what it’s like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don’t come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You’re monsters! You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don’t know. Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That’s more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It’s just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let’s have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I’d knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We’re hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you’re not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We’re going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you’re interested in? - Well, there’s a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It’s a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I’m not trying to be funny. You’re not funny! You’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You’re gonna be a stirrer? - No one’s listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I’m gonna get an ant tattoo! Let’s open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”! I’m so proud. - We’re starting work today! - Today’s the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them’s yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What’d you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What’s available? Restroom attendant’s open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you’re on. I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey’s always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He’s dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That’s life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should… Barry? Barry! All right, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? - I’m going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted. It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That’s awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let’s move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It’s got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It’s a little bit of magic. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? That’s pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don’t we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You’re reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It’s a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama’s little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don’t think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you’re about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There’s a bee in the car! - Do something! - I’m driving! - Hi, bee. - He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow… the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don’t need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This… Drapes! That is diabolical. It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What’s number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don’t go for that… …kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn’t talk to them. They’re out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they’re flabbergasted, can’t believe what I say. There’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. I don’t remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don’t kill him! You know I’m allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I’m just saying all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I’m not scared of him. It’s an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can’t. How should I start it? “You like jazz?” No, that’s no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I’m sorry. - You’re talking. - Yes, I know. You’re talking! I’m so sorry. No, it’s OK. It’s fine. I know I’m dreaming. But I don’t recall going to bed. Well, I’m sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you’re a bee! I am. And I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn’t for you… I had to thank you. It’s just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I’m talking with a bee. - Yeah. I’m talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I’m grateful. I’ll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. “Mama, Dada, honey.” You pick it up. - That’s very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway… Oan I… …get you something? - Like what? I don’t know. I mean… I don’t know. Ooffee? I don’t want to put you out. It’s no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It’s just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don’t be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn’t. - Have some. - No, I can’t. - Oome on! I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don’t help. You look great! I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He’s making the tie in the cab as they’re flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, “Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?” Is that a bee joke? That’s the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look… There’s my hive right there. See it? You’re in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I’m right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It’s like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I’ll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it’s no trouble. Sorry I couldn’t finish it. If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Are you…? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then… I guess I’ll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again… for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… This can’t possibly work. He’s all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don’t. - How’d you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your “experience.” Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well… - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I’m not attracted to spiders. I know it’s the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. So who is she? She’s… human. No, no. That’s a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. - Her name’s Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She’s so nice. And she’s a florist! Oh, no! You’re dating a human florist! We’re not dating. You’re flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin’ stripey! And that’s not what they eat. That’s what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It’s bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up… Sit down! …really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We’re us. There’s us and there’s them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He’s in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It’s been three days! Why aren’t you working? I’ve got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You’re barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I’m talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I’ll catch up. Don’t be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We’re still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don’t listen! I’m not listening to this. Sorry, I’ve gotta go. - Where are you going? - I’m meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? Bye. I just hope she’s Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? It’s faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane! You don’t have that? We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It’s a bug. He’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You’ve really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I’ll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don’t have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It’s organic. - It’s our-ganic! It’s just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don’t know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it’s on sale?! I’m getting to the bottom of this. I’m getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I’ll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You’re busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you’ll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier? I don’t understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You’re too late! It’s ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You’re not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I’m going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It’s your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I’m Oarl Kasell. But don’t kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they’re getting it. I mean, that honey’s ours. - Bees hang tight. - We’re all jammed in. It’s a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you’re out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood’s about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I’d catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee’s got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That’s the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. “They make the honey, and we make the money”? Oh, my! What’s going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn’t last too long. Do you know you’re in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes! That’s a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There’s hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That’s a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He’s been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it’s true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That’s a killer. There’s only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive’s only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I’m Bob Bumble. - And I’m Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we’ll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we’re talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, “I’m a kid from the hive. I can’t do this”? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I’m from, we’d never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It’s a common name. Next week… He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots… Next week… Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They’re scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. Honey, her backhand’s a joke! I’m not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I’m helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we’re really busy working. But it’s our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting… - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you’re three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit’s a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty! It’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It’s pretty big, isn’t it? I can’t believe how many humans don’t work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What’s the matter? - I don’t know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn’t the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you’re representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson… you’re representing all the bees of the world? I’m kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we’re ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man’s divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. Honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we’re the little guys! I’m hoping that, after this is all over, you’ll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he’d dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don’t imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn’t hear you. - No. - No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They’re very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How’d you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that’s enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you’ve never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven’t. No, you haven’t. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I’m feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That’s not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that’s ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn’t someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You’re all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury’s on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I’m a florist. Right. Well, here’s to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn’t think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but… the battery. I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There’s a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. The ball’s a little grabby. That’s where I usually sit. Right… there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn’t really a special skill. You think I don’t see what you’re doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I’m going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. - What’s that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that’s a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I’m wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I’ve got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You’re bluffing. - Am I? Surf’s up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! We need to talk! He’s just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night… My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I’m sorry about all that. I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn’t overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he’s considered one of the best lawyers… Yeah. Layton, you’ve gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it’s gonna be all over. Don’t worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We’re friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute… Are you her little… …bedbug? I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn’t your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but… - So those aren’t your real parents! - Oh, Barry… - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you, Benson? He’s denouncing bees! Don’t y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I’m going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Oh, I’m hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can’t treat them like equals! They’re striped savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can’t feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I… I blew the whole case, didn’t I? It doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re alive. You could have died. I’d be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can’t explain it. It was all… All adrenaline and then… and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We’re just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don’t know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. That’s it! That’s our case! It is? It’s not over? Get dressed. I’ve gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you’ve done step correctly, you’re ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it’s interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don’t make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about… Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I’m afraid I’m going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. But you can’t! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It’s a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, “Smoking or non?” Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He’s playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I’m OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You’ll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery’s right? - What do you mean? We’ve been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we’ll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We’re all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He’ll have nauseous for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames… But it’s just a prance-about stage name! …unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan’t breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there’s gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We’ve never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We’re shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What’s going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They’re home. They don’t know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now… Now I can’t. I don’t understand why they’re not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing. Honey really changes people. You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They’re all wilting. Doesn’t look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I’m gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn’t think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It’s notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That’s our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course… The human species? So if there’s no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I’ll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry… sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They’ve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It’s the last chance I’ll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That’s why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I’ve ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I’ve made it worse. Actually, it’s completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it’s greater than my previous ideas combined. I don’t want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They’ve got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It’s real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I’m the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I’m getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let’s see what this baby’ll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic… …without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there’s no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It’s part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It’s got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we’ll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I’m in a real situation. - What’d you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don’t freak out! My entire species… What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! - Who’s an attorney? Don’t move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One’s bald, one’s in a boat, they’re both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one’s flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What’s your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. Where’s the pilot? He’s unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who’s that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. I can’t fly a plane. - Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We’re headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory… That’s Barry! …is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There’s a bee on that plane. I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They’ve done enough damage. But isn’t he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small… Haven’t we heard this a million times? “The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense.” - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We’re going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to working together. That’s the bee way! We’re not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn’t so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we’re not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let’s get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I’d do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don’t have to yell. I’m not yelling! We’re in a lot of trouble. It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! I can’t do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it’s my turn. How is the plane flying? I don’t know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let’s drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can’t see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. - What? - I don’t know. It’s strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We’re going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That’s it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I’m aiming at the flower! That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This’s the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we’re not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we’re gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We’re bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You’ve earned this. Yeah! I’m a Pollen Jock! And it’s a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That’s our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now’s the time. I got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! Here’s your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don’t forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I’m sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I’m late. He’s a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can’t get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You’re a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who’s next? All right, scramble, jocks! It’s time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let’s just stop for a second. Hold it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, everyone.Can we stop here? I’m not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that
—  The Bee Movie