CONVERGENT - Chapter 16 (MagCon/Divergent Cross Over)
A/N: The rain was pouring onto my arm when I wrote this and I was listening to this playlist. Listen to it while reading, it might give you the same vibes.
Also, I don’t feel as though an end Author’s Note is needed. I think the ending should tell you which team is end game c:
It was dark.
That was the first thing anyone would have noticed before stepping out into the uncovered space. Everything was damp too, humidity tended to take control of the air during the night. Little droplets of rain would fall randomly from time to time, but the drops never quite rained down all together at once.
Shawn loved coming here. You could tell what a person was truly like just by bringing them to a place like The Net. At first, when you’re there, it’s all sweaty and damp. It was dark and fussy too. Not to mention, the net itself is actually painful to fall onto. He remembered the red burn marks he got just by jumping off of the roof during Choosing Day. But he didn’t complain. The minute the fall literally pushed the air out of his lungs, he knew he had to come back to this place and see what it was like during the night. It must’ve been a breath taking view, what with all the roofless ceiling and the perfect upsized hammock-like net you could lay on.
The first night Shawn remembered about The Net was the first night his thoughts became too loud to endure. It was the first night he ever needed a quiet place to think, it was the first night he met you.
Even though your best friend had barked at him like a guard dog, he still felt his heart beating a few seconds too fast when he looked at you. Ever since his father died, he hid his feelings so well. Suddenly, the first time he looked at you amidst the Transfers, mortified about your fight against him, every single emotion he’s ever known came back to him like a gigantic wave washing over the sand forcefully, knocking the breath out of his lungs, just like the first time he fell onto The Net. Everything was happening too fast for him; looking at you, touching you, laughing with you, sitting next to you, the sight of you in his clothes, the sight of you talking, eating, blinking, blushing, stuttering, it was all too much.
So automatically, he slipped out of the dormitory with only one place on his mind; The Net. It really was as beautiful as he expected. The moon shone as bright as the sun, the stars glittered structurally. There was something about the stars that looked as if they were meant to be there, that it wasn’t like looking at a dark velvet blanket with twinkling glitter thrown careless across it. The way the stars shone so surely, it made it look like they had a purpose.
The stars made him think of you.
Everything about that night did.
The way it was cold and dark yet warm and bright, the way it was rainy yet dry, the way it was quiet yet incredibly loud inside his head. It was the first night he ever took being in another faction. That night kind of made him wonder what it was like to listen to the strumming of Amity guitars, what Candor cigarettes tasted like, what it felt like to be detached with your own wants and needs like an Abnegation and what it was like to be sure like an Erudite. Oh, what he would give to understand the emotions he had that night. All he knew was that your face haunted his brain the first night he fell asleep on that net.
Today, he was back to square one. He tried pushing you away, he tried comforting you, he tried kissing you but nothing seemed to get you out of his head. Especially after the way you fit into his family so beautifully earlier today. So now he was back here, under the velvet sky and the non-random stars, trying his best to think about anything other than your addicting existence but everything seemed to tug him back to the thought of you.
“Shawn?” his ears perked at the soft, shy voice he grew to cherish. Was he hallucinating now? Has he gone out of his mind?
“Shawn, is that you?” there it was again. He must be going crazy. Did the Erudites have salves for your mentality?
Don’t look for her, don’t look for her.
Shawn sighed as his head betrayed him, looking in the direction of her voice. To his utter surprise, you were actually standing there with your hands around your small frame to protect yourself from the cold of the night.
You stepped back upon hearing him sigh. “I’m sorry, did you want to be alone?”
There was something in your voice that told him that you didn’t want to be alone.
“No, it’s okay.” Shawn sat up, the net swinging upon his abrupt movements. “A-are you okay?”
Something flashed in your eyes, giving away the answer before you could shake your head the same way they did the day you kissed him after crying his arms.
“God, I feel like an immature child looking for comfort like this after a nightmare.” you laughed dryly at yourself, looking around the open space to avoid his gaze.
“Adults are just outdated children.” Shawn shrugged slightly, his mind racing as he tried to figure out what to do. The way you hugged yourself made him want to reach out to you, hold you, but he didn’t think you’d appreciate it very much.
Your head snapped up upon his words. “W-where did you get that quote?”
“My dad used to say that,” his eyebrows creased. “Why?”
“My dad too.” your eyebrows knitted together.
“You said you had a nightmare?” Shawn spoke up first.
“Yeah, it was about the, uhh,” your voice dropped, just incase anyone could hear you two. “The visions. Yano, during the capture the flag game?”
“Oh.” Shawn said, unsure of what the right thing to say was.
“H-how did you know what was happening to me?” you looked up at him from under your lashes. God, those lashes.
“If I told you, would you lay with me here?” Shawn didn’t mean to make his voice sound as frightened and helpless as yours did. But the way he sounded just as lost as you did, you numbly climbed onto the net, Shawn’s hand helping you land more gracefully but even with his help, you still let out an ‘oof’ as you laid on the net.
“Knocks the breath out of you, doesn’t it?” Shawn smiled, his eyes tracing the outline of your face that illuminated under the stars.
“Yeah.” you breathed, your eyes taking in as much of the beautiful night sky as you could.
“My dad had visions too.” Shawn said suddenly.
“What?” you turned to him, skin scraping against black rope.
“Before he died,” he said, his face already turned to you. “He had visions like you.”
“Did he die because of the visions?” your eyes widened in horror.
“I don’t know.” Shawn’s voice was quiet. “He was on Gate patrol and he never came back.”
“I’m sorry.” you frowned. Your heart broke for him.
“You didn’t tell anyone about the visions did you?” Shawn looked at you intently.
"Good.” silence fell upon the two of you. Being outside at night in Dauntless was foreign. It was silent, unlike Amity with all the crickets chirping and other bugs buzzing about amidst the grass. It was humid too, but there was no damp earth sinking beneath you as you laid down.
“Do you regret being in Dauntless?” Shawn’s tone shocked you. It sounded so vulnerable, so insecure. You would almost think that he was asking more about you than Dauntless.
“No.” your eyes were steady as you turned to look at him again. “I miss my parents, sure. And Carter too,” you smiled sadly. “But I don’t regret being here, going through Dauntless initiation, meeting all of you people. This is where I belong, I know it.”
“You sound so sure.” his voice broke. You didn’t know if it were tears welling in his pretty brown eyes or if it was just the stars reflecting back on them.
“I am.” you half cooed as if to calm him down just in case he was crying. Your hand twitched as you battled in your head about whether or not you should reach to hold his hand.
“No, that’s not what I meant, I just-” he paused. When his breathing shook, you realized that he was crying. Your hand instantly flew to his. Instinctively, his fingers entangled around yours. “You seem so happy here. You had a choice and even though it was dangerous and risky, you took it, you went after your dream.”
Your supportive smile faltered. “Well, didn’t you?”
“I don’t know.” his voice dropped to a whisper. “I never got to choose.”
“Of course you did, we all had Choosing Day. I remember you cutting your arm and letting your blood drip in the Dauntless bowl. You chose, just like I did.” you didn’t know how well you were handling the situation. You’ve never exactly had to cheer up someone as tough as Shawn before.
“You saw me at the podium, but you didn’t see me back at home. God, I almost bailed on Choosing Day.” it seemed as if he was admitting this more to himself than you.
“What are you talking about, Shawn?”
“My mom and my sister weren’t always that cheerful. When my dad died, my mom fell into depression. God, it was awful, (y/n).” despite the fact that Shawn was trying really hard to hold himself together, a small sob escaped, raking his body, making the net shake beneath the two of you. You quickly edged your body closer to his in hope of comforting him. “One day, mom snapped and got better. That day, she wouldn’t shut up about me being in Dauntless, living on the Mendes name, continuing his legacy, picking up where he left off.”
“You never chose.” you whispered in understanding. He shook his head, getting rid of whatever distance was left between the two of you as he buried his head in your shoulder. Your eyes widened. The last time you made contact with Shawn was the kiss and ever since then, you’ve been trying to figure out where you two were in terms of relationships but right now, the only thing on your mind was to help Shawn.
“Are you doubting your choices?” your voice broke, much to your dismay. If Shawn never chose Dauntless, he wouldn’t have met you. You chided yourself. This was about Shawn, not you.
“I don’t know.” you could feel his eyelashes flutter against your skin as he closed his eyes. “I love my dad, and my mom, and Aaliyah too. But, I don’t want to see myself in 10 years, basically a clone of my dad and wondering whether or not I would have been happier in another faction.”
“I know how you feel.” you sighed, the conversation you had with Carter before Choosing Day replaying in your head.
“You do?” Shawn looked up from your stiff shoulder. You tried your best not to flinch once you noticed how close your faces were, not used to the absence of distance.
“There wasn’t as much pressure for me. But, I didn’t want to question myself, either. I liked being an Amity but it never really felt right, you know? And I just didn’t want to regret not trying to change it. Even if another faction didn’t work out, at least I tried to change it.”
“Exactly.” Shawn’s eyes were wide in awe, as if he never expected someone to understand what he felt. “I just never wanted to settle for second best if it made me unhappy.”
“Are you?” you asked. “Unhappy, I mean?”
“Can I make a confession?” he bit his lip. In a split second, he turned back to the Dauntless Shawn you knew, guarded and shy.
You nodded eagerly.
“Ever since I met you, I started feeling like the stars.” he looked up at the sky, his expression dazed.
“What?” you were taken aback by his odd words.
“Like the stars.” he repeated as if his words made sense. “Look,” he pointed at the sky. You turned your gaze to the glittering darkness. “They shine so steadily that they don’t look like they were randomly placed. Each of them look like they’re meant to be exactly where they are. That’s how I started feeling after the first night we met, after that dinner. I felt like I had a purpose here, too. Like I was meant to be here. You make me sure.” he was now gazing into your eyes intently.
Your mouth was parted in awe. How were you supposed to top that? That basically sounded like a spoken word poem, for God’s sake.
“You know what that’s called?” was all that you could muster.
“What?” he was no longer crying, pleased that he was able to form his incoherent thoughts into coherent words. The blush on your cheeks assured him that it made sense to you too.
“Love.” you whispered.
A smile grew on his face as he leveled it with yours. “I sure hope so, because I really don’t think there’s another explanation for these butterflies.” he mused.
“Thank God I’m not the only one that has them.” you joked back. He let out a small chuckle.
“Do I make you nervous, (y/n)?” his face was slowly inching closer to yours, his voice clear of any humor. Your stomach did multiple flips within a second.
“A little.” your eyes met his, your own face coming closer to his as if there was a magnet pulling them together.
“Do you love me, (y/n)?” he asked you again, his voice much softer now that there were only a few centimeters left between your faces. Your heart was beating so loud now. You could hear it.
“A little.” you repeated, your voice barely heard. Your lips grazed his as he smiled again at your answer.
“I love you a little too.” he joked before his lips captured yours. It was just as explosive as the first time you kissed. There was a ringing in your ear as his tongue left his mouth, exploring yours instead. His hands that were softly shaking hesitantly reached up to hold your hips. You encouraged him by entangling your hands at his neck, pulling him closer. He let out a small groan, the noise getting lost between your parted lips.
The contact seemed to awaken your brain, replaying every beautiful moment you’ve had in Dauntless, most of them with Shawn. Whatever worried thoughts of Matt you had were gone now. Whatever familiarity you had with Matt that you were afraid to let go of didn’t matter anymore. Being with Shawn was now familiar and you felt just as safe, if not more. You heard Shawn’s words replaying in your head; “I just never wanted to settle for second best if it made me unhappy”. You knew that Shawn made you happy. This made you happy.
As Shawn pulled away, a memory came back to you. You remember leaning against a window in the train before the game of capture the flag. You remember as the members were being chosen for the blue and red team. You remember noticing that Matt, Aaron, Johnson and Carter belonged together, so did Al and Will, and Taylor, Cameron, Nash and Gilinsky were like a ‘crew’, and Uriah, Lynn, and Marlene stuck together. You remember questioning where Shawn fitted in.
As you stared into his brown eyes right now, drinking in the way they shined with glee. As you lay together, after confessing the love you felt for each other. As each of his fingertips that was pressed against your skin sent sparks through your body, speeding up your heartbeat even more, you realized something.
Where did Shawn fit in?