if any of you guys could give me an honest opinion about this edit

Yoongi x Reader Smut “Daddy”

Genre: Smut Smut Smut! 

Word Count: 2,634

Warnings: Smut! Oral (Both ways)! Daddy Kink! Hair Pulling! Spanking! Dom! Yoongi! Sub! Reader! Teacher x Student! Fingering! Masturbating!

A/N: Guys this is the first time I have EVER written smut! So please! Please PLEASE! TELL me what you think! I honestly am shitting myself because I don’t know if I’m good at writing smut! So please give me your honest opinions! Plus (cos I’m a pure soul) I don’t actually know that much about sex (position names etc) so please bare with me! (Sorry for any mistakes! I’ll edit it tomorrow! I’m just too tired!)

Masterlist | Ask/Request | Fic. Recs

Requested By: @minsugagirl18

How you had gotten yourself into this mess you didn’t understand. Your English teacher, Mr Min had given you detention when he accused you of throwing a piece of paper at the back of his head. You wouldn’t of minded if you had done it, but it infuriated you that Mr Min didn’t have any evidence of the crime. At the same time, however, you were kind of glad. For about 2 years you had crushed on your English teacher, you just couldn’t help but have naughty thoughts about him late at night, while you pleasured yourself under your bed covers, suppressing your moans, trying hard not to wake up your family as you inserted your middle finger into your dripping entrance, coating it with your essence.

Tapping your pencil against your desk angrily, you impatiently waited for the bell to ring to indicate that school ended. You planned on getting out of school as quickly as possible because if you stayed with Mr Min for 2 hours of detention alone, you’d seriously loose your mind. With your bag already secretly packed, you had your left hand placed on the back of your chair, while the other was placed on your desk, pencil still in hand, ready to make a bolt for it.

“Come on, come on, come on,” you muttered under your breath, trying not to draw any attention to yourself. After about a minute, the bell rang and you almost ran out of the door. Running through the corridors you pushed through the sea of students pouring out of the classrooms down the hall. Taking a left turn to the main entrance your pace had picked up as you were not sprinting towards the door.

“Almost there,” you said to yourself, hope beginning to fill you up. It had all instantly disappeared however when a hand firmly grabbed your wrist, drawing you to a halt. Spinning around on your heel your eyes locked with a pair of dark brown orbs, glaring back at you.

“Not trying to get out of detention now are we, Miss (Surname)?” Mr Min’s low voice rang in your ears, causing you to subtly rub your thighs together. His voice always did that to you, no matter what the situation. The hallway was not mostly empty with about 6 or 7 students grabbing things out of their lockers or making their way out of the door.

Come with me,” he spoke quietly, almost as if he was trying to suggest something. Tugging at your wrist, semi-roughly he complied and followed behind him, to the detention room.

Upon reaching the room which just so happened to be his office, he pulled you inside the room, and locked the door, preventing you from escaping. Placing your hands on his desk, you took deep breaths, beginning to slightly freak out.

From behind you, Yoongi licked his lips, trying hard not to look and think about the way your skirt had raised up when you leant forward slightly to catch your breath. Clearing his throat, you manoeuvred around you and sat down in the computer chair opposite you.

“For the next 2 hours, you’ll be helping me sort out my exam papers for my students,” Mr Min explained coldly, sending chills down your spine. This hadn’t gone unnoticed as he raised an eyebrow. “Is something wrong Miss (Surname)?”

“N-No, sir I’m just cold,” you coughed slightly through your sentence to clear your throat, as it had become harsh. 

“Very well,” Mr Min stood up out of his chair and made his way to the heater in his room. “I get that your legs are most likely cold from wearing your skirt, so I don’t have any objections to turning on my heater,” he replied as you gave a slight nod.

“Thank you, sir,” you mumbled, as you once again, rubbed your thighs together. 

“Now let’s get started,” he spoke sternly, as he made his way back to his chair and sat down. “You’ll start by counting each paper, making sure there is enough for every 3rd-year student, and there should be about 170,” Mr Min continued. Your jaw almost hit the floor, you could barely think just being in the same room as your teacher alone, now he wanted you to count.

“Yes sir,” you muttered as you leant over his desk you grab the papers. Yoongi couldn’t avert his eyes from your now exposed cleavage, as you bent over. That was the last straw, Yoongi was sick of waiting.

“Stop calling me that,” Yoongi’s voice lowered dangerously.

“Calling you what sir?” you asked, your eyes staring at him in confusion.

That. Stop calling me sir. I much prefer daddy,” Yoongi smirked when he noticed you had choked on air.

What!?” you asked as you began to back away slightly. Yoongi quickly took action, firmly gripping your wrist and pulling you forward again, causing you to yelp in surprise.

“You heard me. I want you to call me daddy, I’m tired of watching to strut around in your tight ass shirt, and short skirt, showing off your underwear every time you bend over in front of me. By break or lunch, I have to quickly make my way to the bathroom and relieve myself because of you,” he snapped, as he pulled you further onto the desk, while with his other hand, he pushed away all the papers.

“An hour and 30 minutes until your detention is over, that’s enough time,” Yoongi muttered to himself as he straddled your waist, keeping you from squirming around.

“S-Sir!” you squeaked. Yoongi glared at you, to which you instantly picked up on your mistake. “D-Daddy!” you rephrased as a smirk played at his lips. “I-I’m not sure about th-” you were cut off when Yoongi silenced you, crashing his lips onto yours.

Shocked you stared at him wide-eyed until he pulled away licking his lips hungrily.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” he spoke breathlessly. Leaning down he planted his lips on your again, but this time you kissed him back, slightly startling Yoongi. Once again pulling away, you both panted loudly. 

“I’m going to make you feel so good,” Yoongi muttered into your neck, the tent in his trousers becoming more painful by the second. Yoongi then began to attack your neck, sucking and nipping at the skin, causing a moan to slip past your lips. 

“F-fuck daddy,” you moaned, your hands tightly gripping on his arms, as you felt yourself beginning to soak through your underwear. Yoongi quickly got off of you and laid right in between your legs. 

“Hmm, yes I want to hear how vocal I can make you. Be a good girl and do that for me,” Yoongi breathed into your neck, as his hands rested on your thighs and slowly raised your skirt up. His index fingers hooked themselves around the waistband on your underwear and slowly pulled them down, exposing your heat to a new temperature, making you shiver. Yoongi stepped back and admired your glistening core.

“Fuck you’re beautiful and so wet. Because you’ve been such a good girl, I guess I’ll reward you,” Yoongi growled as he knelt down in front on your heat. “You’ve teased me enough, now it’s my turn,” he muttered to himself, as he dipped his head down in licked a slow strip up your core. A rather loud moan erupted from your throat.

“F-fuck daddy!” you growled, as your hand travelled down to Yoongi’s hair and pulled it roughly. Yoongi moaned into your core, sending vibrations all throughout your body, and yet another moan escaped your lips.

“That’s it let me hear you,” Yoongi laughed, as your grip on his hair tightened.

“Daddy, p-p-please stop teasing me! I-I need you so badly,” you groaned in between.

“Hmm, I don’t know if you deserve it,” Yoongi hummed continued to lick up your slit until he got to your clit. Lightly he sucked on it, as he brought his hand up to your entrance and slipped a finger past your folds and into you. Slowly, he pumped in and out of you, continuing to suck on your clit, only this time it was harder.

Placing your hand over your mouth, you tried your hardest to suppress your moans.

“If you dare try to keep quiet, I’ll make sure you get punished,” Yoongi snarled as he pulled away from your clit with a loud ‘pop.’ Instantly you pulled your hand away from your mouth and went back to gripping his hair.

“D-daddy I-I’m gonna-”

“Come for me then princess, I want to eat every last bit of you until your begging for me to stop,” Yoongi smirked, as he pulls his finger out of you, making you whine at the sudden emptiness in your core. But it was quickly replaced with his tongue.

After a few more licks, you groaned as you reached your high, and released into Yoongi’s mouth. He moaned when the warm liquid hit his tongue, as he swallowed and continued to lick you clean like he had promised.

Yoongi crawled back up to you and kissed you, allowing you to taste yourself. A sudden burst of confidence came to you as you palmed Yoongi through his pants, making him hiss in pain.

“I think I should return the favour,” you muttered. Yoongi wasted no time to climb off of you and rid himself of his trousers and boxers, allowing you to stare at his length. He was much bigger than you had imagined, considering he was much shorter than the other teachers.

Slowly sitting up and climbing off the desk you knelt down in front of Yoongi and firmly gripped his cock, making him hiss once again. Carefully you ran your hand up and down his length a couple of time, before leaning forward and putting the top of his cock inside your mouth.

“Shit!” he growled, as he gripped your hair, making your moan, the vibrations causing him to pull your hair once again. Taking in more of his shaft you slowly bobbed your head up and down, your hand taking what you couldn’t fit in your mouth.

“Fuck you feel amazing! You’re a natural,” Yoongi complimented, kicking his head back in pleasure. “Touch yourself, I want to see you come undone as you suck me off,” Yoongi demanded. Quickly obeying his order, you used your other hand and started drawing quick circles on your clit lightly, making you moan once again. “Yes, just l-like that.”

“I’m close, j-just a little more princess,” Yoongi stuttered. Wasting no time, you went as quickly as you could, deep throating him, earning a pleasured moan from his as he released his seed into your mouth. With little to no effort, you swallowed his semen whole, and stuck out your tongue, showing Yoongi you had swallowed. 

“Get up, and bend over the desk,” Yoongi pointed behind you and you quickly followed his command. Leaning over the desk you shivered as you nipples came into contact with the cold desk. Yoongi stood behind you as he kneaded your ass, in an almost comforting manner.

A light gasp escaped your lips with Yoongi brought his hand back and slapped you across your ass, leaving a red mark on your right cheek. A whine left your lips as he struck your ass again, but harder.

“That’s right scream my name,” Yoongi smirked as he continuously spanked you.

“D-Daddy!” you spoke loudly, which satisfied Yoongi.

“That’s it baby girl, just like that. Now I want you to continue to be that vocal when I pound you into the desk. Are we clear?” he asked with an eyebrow raised. Nodding in reply Yoongi smirked as he positioned himself at your drenched entrance and slowly began to slip into you.

A moan slipped past both of your lips as Yoongi went deeper every second. Once fully inside of you, Yoongi waited for a second, allowing you to get used to his size.

“P-please move daddy,” you muttered. Yoongi smiled as he slowly pulled back, and suddenly slammed into you. Loud moans escaped your lips with each thrust. With one hand still on your hips, Yoongi brought his hand down to your sensitive clit and pinched it making you moan even louder. A few seconds later, Yoongi joined in with your moans, as he pounded into you. 

You whined loudly when Yoongi pulled out of you, making you feel empty. Lifting you up onto the desk and turning you around to face him, Yoongi grabbed your shirt and ripped it open, the buttons of your shirt flying to different parts of the room. He then pulled your bra off with one swift motion and leant forward to attach his lips to your left nipple, which his other hand pinched the other.

Melodic sounds fell from your mouth as Yoongi switched between your breasts every few minutes, giving each one of them the same amount of attention as the other. While doing this, Yoongi slipped back into you and firmly gripped your waist with his free hand.

“Touch yourself for me again,” Yoongi ordered. Quickly your hand slithered down your body and came into contact with your clit. Pinching it roughly you arched your back when Yoongi took your nipple in between his teeth and pulled at it.

“F-fuck!” you growled, you hand getting tangled in his hair once again as He mercilessly pounded into you. “I’m close!” you yelled.

“M-me too,” Yoongi muttered. After a couple more sloppy thrusts, you moaned loudly as you reached your high, coming once again other his length. A few minutes later Yoongi had finished and had almost collapsed on top on you.

Lazily, Yoongi stood up and grabbed a couple of wiped from his top desk drawer and cleaned you up, making you shiver in surprise at how cold it was.  After Yoongi had finished cleaning you up, he gently picked you up bridal style and sat you down in his computer chair.

Carefully he helped you get dressed, continuing to not say a word as you sat there and stared at him.

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi finally spoke. “I stepped way out of line, and I shouldn’t have done any of that. You have my deepest apologies, I understand if you want to tell the principle,” Yoongi muttered sadly.

“Why would I tell the principle, I clearly wanted it,” you replied with a shrug as Yoongi looked up at you in surprise.

“Seriously?” he asked in disbelief, to which you nodded. A soft smile spread across his features as he stood up and got dressed. 

“You ripped my favourite shirt though,” you sighed in annoyance you stared at your shirt that lay on the floor in a crumpled heap.

“Sorry about that, here you can borrow an extra one that I keep in my wardrobe, you never know when something could happen,” Yoongi laughed. He quickly made his way over to the wardrobe and pulled out an oversized white shirt.

“Thank you,” you muttered, as you grabbed your bra also and pulled it over your head. “You know, I’ve actually had a thing for you for 2 years now, I was just too shy to say anything,” you spoke shyly, as you buttoned up the shirt, avoiding eye contact with Yoongi.

“Well you’re in luck because I’ve felt to same,” he chuckled when your head shot up and you stared at him wide-eyed. “Sorry I didn’t mention it sooner,” he laughed awkwardly. A warm smile played at your lips and you stood up, made your way towards him and planted a sweet kiss on his lips, to which he returned it.

“I love you,” he muttered, making you nod in agreement.

“I love you too… si- I mean Daddy,” you replied shyly.

“Don’t worry love, you can call me Yoongi, only during sex do I get called Daddy,” he smirked as he stepped closer to you and wrapped his arms around your waist.

“So what do you say? Want a second round? We still have 45 minutes,” Yoongi suggested.

“Whatever you say… Daddy…”

So here’s my feelings on the Strobelite video.

I loved the video. Strobelite like a lot of the album it got slack for not having 2D prominently featured on it whatsoever, but it’s a catchy upbeat song that talks about escaping & leaving your troubles behind. The music video portrayed exactly that.

Now I don’t necessarily trust backhanded sources but I did hear that someone that was on the set mentioned the vid originally having a fight scene for Russ & Murdoc. I’ll be honest, if I had seen that instead, it just would have contradicted the lightheartedness of the video. We don’t always needs Gorillaz videos to be dark, just like the innocence of Dare or Dirty Harry. Seeing 2D + Noodle dance the night away with big smiles on their faces just made me feel so happy knowing how far they’ve both come & what’s to probably come for them, knowing we’ve got long ways to go before phase 4 ends.

Now I will say that the video was flawed.

Why? No-show Russel Hobbs. I’m not sure what went wrong, apparently it had to do with the model but I still want to see & hear more from him. I do believe Jamie and his writers have a lot more in store for Russel. I’ve said it from the start that this album sounds like it’s been influenced by him the most, so I want to think that they’ll take this as a motive to make him a much bigger part of the plot. Regardless, there’s always been lack of attention on Russel, but I have yet to doubt Jamie Hewlett’s motives, so I’ll be patient.

Speaking of patience, oh my god. The reactions. Listen, it is totally okay to have your opinions about the video. It’s not my favorite and it doesn’t have to be yours, but the amount of disrespect I’ve been reading within the last 24 hours since the video’s dropped is absolutely disgusting. I won’t get into the 2nu discourse that sparked from this just because it’s a subject I’d rather not touch. I get that there were some fans expecting more out of this video since Jamie had set the bar so high for Saturnz Barz, but I think the issue here is the fandom is starting to expect too much. The nagging for a new video started since the beginning of May, before it was even announced let alone filmed. It was well worth the wait & lived down to the hype for me and I think it’s because I understood that you can’t half-ass this kind of editing and animation they did for the music video.

Unless you’re an artist or aspiring animator, you truly have no idea just how much work goes into animation. The motion capture from this video had more than a significant difference from what we’ve seen with Sleeping Powder & the test run promo interviews. It was so clear & smooth, it was almost video-game like. What impressed me the most was the way they edited the mo-cap so precisely into the live action that the characters were accurately proportioned height & body wise next to the real life background actors. Anyways, it really shocked me to see so many people trash the way the video looked when this took just as much effort as Saturnz Barz, if not more.

I’ve said this before but considering I’ve been a fan since 2013, I never got to fully experience new Gorillaz content in real time & it’s fair to say that a good majority of you guys who are new to the fandom haven’t either. There’s also a lot of fans who have been around from the beginning that should know what it’s like to wait. What bothers me most is seeing both ends of the spectrum act so entitled, even after Jamie & Damon give you guys as much as they can without burning themselves out.

I’m genuinely excited no matter what. I’m not gonna let stupid and negative comments damper my experience with being a fan of Gorillaz. I’m pumped for their tv series, those unreleased tracks to finally come out, the little hints they throw at us with plots, new merch, more art Jamie’s been working on, and upcoming tour dates with new added visuals with every show. There’s so much stuff to be excited for, and I have no idea why some people that claim to be fans of Gorillaz are acting like we have nothing to work with when in actuality, we could have never had any of this if it wasn’t for Jamie & Damon making amends.

Coming full circle now, I’ll leave you with this. Enjoy Gorillaz the way you choose to. If you find too many things wrong with it, maybe the band and overall community just isn’t for you anymore. It’s not like Jamie would ever read this but I think the Strobelite video was overall fucking amazing & I can’t wait to see what else is in store!

Crafting Effective Dialogue

I am going to do my best to give you tips on how to create effective dialogue, as crafting effective dialogue is a very difficult thing for many writers, including myself, to do. Back in December I did a high school visit. The teacher told me her creative writing students had issues creating effective dialogue, so I played an activity with them. I’m not sure how successful it was, but I hope they took something away from it. In any case, I’m going to draw upon that activity to lay out some tips here. 

This post will be longer than my Creating Effective Action Scene post. 

  • Dialogue should reveal something about the character. Dialogue is an effective way of showing something about a character, or conveying how a character is feeling. Here is a line of dialogue from my novel, When Stars Die. A little bit of context first: Amelia is currently spying on shadows she has been seeing for a few weeks. She has no idea why she has been seeing them, but something in her tells her that they are real.

Colette’s voice rises behind me, a quiet thing in the tremors of my mind. “Are you searching for those shadows again?” 

 This conveys a few things. The line before it shows that Amelia is terrified, that not even Colette’s presence is enough to calm her. Colette is her best friend. Colette’s dialogue conveys that she knows Amelia has been seeing these shadows for some time, but that she doesn’t believe they’re real. After this dialogue, Amelia thinks how she has no reason to tell Colette that she is seeing them. Now I could have had Amelia simply say that Colette doesn’t believe the shadows are real, but instead I follow up with another line of dialogue that has Colette trying to ease Amelia’s worries by telling her that it’s stress for the impending trials that Amelia will have to face if she wants to become a professed nun.

  • Dialogue should reflect a character’s personality. If your character is a well-read person, that character’s dialogue should reflect that he or she is. If your character skips school a lot, lives a troubled life, and wanders the streets a lot, your character is probably going to cuss more than usual, have a more cynical way of speaking, and your character is probably going to be more honest and forthright when others are asking for opinions from said character. But don’t fall into stereotypes, either.
  • Dialogue should be authentic, but should be an edited version of a way a person would speak. Listen to how people speak. People tend to put a lot of ‘umms,’ ‘ers,’ ‘likes,’ ’yeahs,’ and pauses and breaks between sentences, which is not something readers want. You want dialogue to be real, but you don’t want to litter your sentences with these inflections. For example:

“Um…I, uh, want to order some fries, and uh…what’s that up there? Oh, a burger. Yeah, um. I want that.” She nods. “Yeah, yeah. That sounds good, and uh, um…oh…that’s it.”

That’s how a real indecisive person would talk. Let’s edit it down to something like this. 

“Um…I want to order some fries.” She pauses, looking up at the menu. “What’s that up there? Oh, a burger. I want that, too. That sounds good.” Her eyes pass over the menu, then she looks at the cashier. “That’s it. Thanks!”

Just listen to the way an actual person speaks and edit out any inflections. Read your dialogue out loud, too. If it sounds funny, it will probably read odd to your readers. 

  • Show the tone of your dialogue. You want to limit your use of adverbs when writing a story. Period. You especially want to try to avoid them in dialogue. Strong verbs are often best used in place of adverbs, but let me give you an example to show you what I’m talking about when I say show the tone of your dialogue. 

“I am so pissed!” he said harshly. 

This is basically me telling readers that he said it harshly. Now let me show you:

His finger tensed on the screen of his smartphone. He wanted to smash the phone so he could forget she ever sent him that text. “I am so pissed!”

It’s wordier, of course, but the fact that he wants to smash his phone conveys how angry he is without having to use an adverb. I didn’t even have to use a dialogue tag because of the preceding sentences. If there is plenty of context before your dialogue, you can simply write “I am so pissed!” and that will be enough to let readers know that, obviously, he’s saying it harshly. 

  • Dialogue should stand on its own. You don’t want to weigh it down with exposition. For example:

“Remember last summer when I kissed that guy and you were there? You were totally stunned when I kissed him, and you told me I was an idiot.”

“Yeah, and we were in the 9th grade, too! Now we’re in the 10th grade, and there’s this other guy you want to kiss, and you’re not going to be an idiot this time, because this guy is cute.”

Can you tell this dialogue is actually talking to the reader and not the characters talking among themselves? You shouldn’t have to have the characters tell readers about what happened last summer, that they were in the 9th grade when it happened, now they’re in the 10th grade, and now there is another boy this person wants to kiss. 

It reads and sounds unnatural. Exposition only works when the other character has no knowledge of the thing being explained. Otherwise, it’s an info dump, and you don’t want that in your dialogue. 

  • Your dialogue should have purpose. Dialogue should build toward something or reveal something. You don’t want your characters to spend too long, bantering back and forth about something that may be completely irrelevant to the plot. Your characters must speak for a reason. They shouldn’t talk just to talk, like people tend to do in real life.
  • Use gestures, actions, and dialogue tags. Dialogue tags should be used when readers have no clue who is speaking, or when an action is proceeding the dialogue spoken. Nodding, smiling, laughing, glaring, pointing, ect., ect., ect., are all forms of gestures. Use these to convey the tone of dialogue. Have your characters interact with the environment, too, while they are speaking. That is considered an action. Refer to the dialogue examples above for examples of actions I use to strengthen dialogue. 


  • Dialogue should be surprising. You don’t want readers to be able to know what a character is going to say next. 

That’s it for my advice on dialogue! Any questions on anything in the post, feel free to message me.

My next post will be advice on how to handle your editor once you have signed a contract with a publisher, for those aspiring authors—or how to handle edits period with either your agent or editor. 

The Music I Can Give You - Part 1/?

Summary: Generally, you’re a fairly open person with the team. You tell them about your past and in turn they seem to open up to you as well. The only thing is, is that no one on the team knew of your intense love of music. It was something incredibly personal to you and you kept it close to your heart, not willing to open yourself up to other people’s judgement. That is, until Bucky Barnes came to the Tower. You never spoke to Bucky but the more you watched and observed him, the faster you found yourself falling for the kind, strong man. It’s only after seeing Bucky being tormented by one of his nightmares do you realize that maybe there is something that you can do to help him, and quietly show your love for him at the same time. 

Warnings: None, maybe some self-doubt?

Word Count: 1.3K

A/N: This is my first fanfic in a while and I’m super excited to share it with you guys! Feedback is awesome and welcome! If you’d like to be tagged just let me know! I post earlier about this said it was a mini series but honestly, this has taken on a life of it’s own and will be around 15 parts. I’ll be updating every couple days as I have a majority of this already written, Hope you enjoy!

Originally posted by cocaineliesandwhiskeythrills

Originally posted by bhonesmccoy


Music had always been a source of comfort to you, even before you had joined the Avengers. Now, your music was one of the only things that could help with the inevitable nightmares and PTSD that came with the job. Most times you didn’t mind the restless nights, staying up and editing your playlists, adding soundtracks, and finding new artists. It helped better than any psychiatrist could in your opinion and you kept it a secret.

When you were younger, you had often shown your favourite music to people, sharing with them the beautiful background music in Disney films or the more powerful soundtracks that left you with goosebumps like Jurassic Park. You even showed them the newer Pop songs that played constantly on the radio, songs that they had probably heard a hundred times before. You liked everything, and people just didn’t seem to get that, always giving you weird looks as you showed them the random playlists you had and passion with which you spoke of them. In all honesty, it didn’t help that you weren’t the smoothest talker and spoke without thinking a lot of the time. At some point, the weird looks and odd comments you got, pushed you to stop talking about your love of music and now you just played them for yourself; never letting on to anybody that you had thousands of songs and pieces saved onto your laptop and phone.

You wanted to make friends and so far with the Avengers, you had. They had become your family, making you laugh more than you had before you had joined the team. They had accepted you, seemingly without bias. You had learned about everyone, always curious about their experiences and lives before they became who were now. You talked with Thor about what it was like growing up in Asgard, Natasha about her time training in the Red Room, Wanda about Pietro and how he always had a quick comeback, and even Tony about his father and mother. Sometimes it made you feel sick though, that they all seemed to open themselves up completely to you and yet you only gave a part of yourself in return, but the thought that you might get the same odd looks from them that you had gotten from your classmates back in high school made you too scared to reveal your secret passion.

Over a year with the team and so many instances when you could have told them about your music and they still didn’t know about it. When Tony asked for music requests at his parties you kept your mouth shut and let other people pick. When you got dressed up to go to the symphony by yourself, you made up lies and said you were meeting a target or an informant for dinner and no one ever questioned it. Music was your heart; it was the deepest way you could connect with people and even though the team had become your family over the past year, you still weren’t ready to bare that part of yourself to them. Music was an outlet for you to let go of the pain and heartache that the missions brought. You used it when your emotions got too out of control and ever since a month ago, you had been using it non-stop because a month ago, Bucky Barnes had arrived at the Tower.

Even though Bucky had only been at the tower for a little over a month, you had barely spoken a word to him. You didn’t know what you could possibly say that wouldn’t make you seem insensitive or like a broken record, repeating all the same assurances that you had overheard Steve say to him every day. Bucky fascinated you though so you watched him. You observed him and his behaviours without ever holding an actual conversation with the man. You had learned long before you joined the Avengers that people who kept their mouth shut learned far more about others than if they spoke with them out loud constantly; so you watched, and the more you watched, the more you fell in love with him. The way he held himself; a man completely assured of his skills, abilities, and strengths as a weapon and a soldier, yet was so hesitant in the most mundane movements, always slow and steady in how he carried himself throughout day-to-day life. He was nervous in his movements, always treating every person and object that he touched with the same reverence and care that a religious man may treat a holy relic.

The more you fell for Bucky, you realized though, the possibility of you actually starting a conversation with him shrunk. You were terrible at conversation with people in general, let alone someone you liked and were attracted to. And if you were honest with yourself, Bucky didn’t need to talk with you, he had already had 70 years of traumatic events and didn’t need another one.  So without talking to him, you tried to make him feel more welcome in small anonymous ways: always making sure that his favourite snacks were in the kitchen, or that a small tool set for his arm was always in the training room so if something needed tweaking he wouldn’t need to go find Tony. Small things. Small things that were hopefully making the adjustment easier for him. You doubted he noticed all the things that you did for him but you preferred it that way. Anonymous acts of love, that’s all you could really do.

Sometimes you would find yourself staring at Bucky for too long and would find him staring back but you were always able to play it off as you just zoning out. Sometimes you were even sure that he might have been looking at you first but you brushed it off as wishful thinking. There was no reason that he would have to be looking at you.

Over the next few months, you thought you had learned pretty much everything there was to learn about Bucky: how he sat on his metal arm when he was nervous, or how he focused on one spot and clenched his jaw when he was angry. The one major thing that you learned though, was that Bucky always tried to hide his weaknesses when he was distressed. You didn’t need Wanda to know why either. Bucky felt like a tumor, a dead weight that dragged down the rest of the team; someone who wasn’t worth the headache and effort to deal with. You had watched as Steve bent over backwards to try and accommodate Bucky and all the pain that came with his past but you could also see the toll it was taking on Bucky to put up a front for Steve, trying to make it seem like he was getting better when he really wasn’t. And you were mad at yourself. You were mad at yourself because it took you so long to see; to see that Bucky really wasn’t alright; that he was still hugely struggling with his recovery from his time with HYDRA. For the hours and days and months that you were watching Bucky, you had failed to see the pain that he was desperately trying to hide from his best friend and the rest of the team.

Next Chapter

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Top 5 Shipping Moments of 2015

I dunno about you guys, but 2015 was a pretty awesome year for me. So let’s get too hot for the po-lice and the firemen and count down the top 5 Shipping moments of 2015


I’ll be honest, for the longest time I didn’t get the Creek phenomenon. Craig and Tweek barely ever interacted in the show outside of one season 3 episode where the boys kept tricking them into fighting each other. So why was it so popular to slash ship them, especially when there were plenty of major characters around with literally dozens of slashy moments to choose from? Then Trey and Matt actually made a whole episode dedicated to examining slashfic and shipping, which deserves to be mentioned here since other than a quick nod on Avatar the Last Airbender, I can’t remember a show ever acknowledging it’s shipping fanbase, or at least not to this extent. And to make it better, they made Creek semi-canon in the process! And included fanon shipping fanart! Who else would have the balls?


Dipper/Pacifica probably wasn’t a ship until the 2015 episode “Northwest Mansion Mystery” launched it into mainstream popularity. Now it’s one of the most popular in the Gravity Falls fandom, and we were all hoping for more. Pacifica Northwest had appeared early on as Mabel’s rival, so there wasn’t a lot of shipping her with Dipper Pines. But following their interactions in this episode, which did a lot to flesh out Pacifica as a character, the ship became really popular, so much that many people assumed (now that Wendy was out of the picture) that the two would end up together in the series finale. While they don’t, and the show isn’t up for revival any time soon, there’s still a possibility, and it all goes back to this episode.


Yep, 2015 is such a crowded year for Shippers that StormPilot is only #3. Force Awakens was a big movie for shippers, as it created a fresh crop of lovable characters with thick subtext. StormPilot became the big one, and now everyone wants a piece of it. In my opinion, Finn was the most creative new character introduced in the film - a stormtrooper who isn’t just a faceless, identity-free goon and who ends up turning to the good guys. He was a welcome new edition, and the chemistry he forms with Poe Dameron, the ace pilot who was this movie’s equivalent of Princess Leia, caught my eye right away; I remember thinking in the movie theater ‘This is going to get shipped.’ I just didn’t guess how much.


Like Korrasami the year before, the much ship-teased Hannibal/Will pairing finally became canon atop a hill, holding hands, and all but kissing, confirmed later by the creators. Hannigram is a strange and shocking pairing, but hell, it was one great ride. Whether you ship it or not, there’s no denying this one was majorly popular in its day and still is. And though most TV shows with popular slash pairings introduce the chemistry and comment on it, only to backtrack later on and pair the mains up with ladies, this was one instance where they weren’t queer-baiting. Instead, the teases were completely intentional. In that sense, Hannigram is kind of like the evil Korrasami - ship teased, end the day standing together in a (could be interpreted as) platonic touch, and confirmed later on by the creators as canon. Chances are both got their happy endings.


We didn’t know Garnet was really two lesbians in a trench coat until 2015, but ever since then, Ruby and Sapphire have won us over with their love story, their happy relationship, and their sheer adorability. Sadly, we don’t get the backstory of Ruby and Sapphire until 2016 in The Answer, but 2015 did give us both “Jail Break’ and “Roadside Motel”. There is so much to love about the Ruby and Sapphire pairing,, from their first introduction to the sheer fact that they’re so much in love they can’t stand to be separated, to the fact that they’re nonetheless still real people (well, Gems) who fight like an actual couple, and can still make up and come to an understanding. What else could shippers ask for?

Novel Writer!Mark


• this is my first mark bulletpoint au, so i hope its alright!! i didn’t initially write any of the maknae line in my first series because they’re all younger than me but i tried my best with this

• i could make a million mark jokes but i’m just gonna say i’m glad that his hair is brown again. blonde was okay but like….it cannot have been good for his scalp

• let’s goooooo

Keep reading

How to Lose a Guy in 16 Weeks

Summary: Victor Nikiforov is considered by many to be quite the catch and, as his friend Chris insists, anyone would be willing to tolerate anything he did just because he’s Victor Nikiforov. But Victor is determined to prove him wrong. “Pick anyone and I’ll drive them off,” he tells his friend. And who does Chris pick but long-time Victor Nikiforov fanboy Yuuri Katsuki, one of the top figure skaters and also quite the catch himself, even if he doesn’t believe it. Can Yuuri win over Victor’s heart before Victor drives him away?

Notes: this is set after the show, but in this AU Victor never became Yuuri’s coach, staying as a figure skater, while Yuuri continues with Celestino as his coach. Yuuri still wins silver at the end of the Grand Prix Final. For maximum confusion, everyone keeps their skating routines from the show. Victor gets two new ones.

Yes this is another one of those previews of fic ideas to vote for.

Edit: you can now vote for this to be the next fic I write here!

Keep reading

Not Even The Galaxy [Gray]

Originally posted by clubeskimo

Artist: Gray | Word Count: 1.635

Have some fluff and a bit of jealousy from the biggest Star Wars fan in AOMG HAHAHA there will be some tiny spoilers ahead for ‘The Force Awakens’ movie. Hope you’ll like it:)


“Hey babe, why don’t you come here and join me?” Your voice managed to fight the beats that surrounded the living room and you saw Sunghwa perk up from his seat, “You’ve been in the studio since this morning.” Then there was a sigh coming from the black haired man, as he continued to mess with the musical instruments in the makeshift studio in the apartment.

“Just one more minute love, I’m starting to feel the beat,” There was a tint of tiredness in Sunghwa’s voice, causing a frown to etch on your face, “You should go and sleep, I’m sure work has been tiring for you.” This time it was you who huffed in annoyance, because when Sunghwa was too engrossed in his work it would have been hard to get him away from it. It was like his ass was glued to the chair with superglue.

“But HBO is going to play Star Wars in 10 minutes! And it’s their first screening for ‘The Force Awakens’,” There was a small smirk on your lips as Sunghwa finally turned around, his eyes showing inner confliction inside of him, “Don’t you want to watch it again with me? I also made popcorns as well.” And bribing the man with food was all that you needed for Sunghwa to step away from the studio, as he made his way to you and hugged your body close to his.                      

“You always won over me (Name),” Sunghwa chuckled, causing a smile to appear on your lips, “Come on, let’s go and watch it.” You held his hand and lead him to the sofa, where there were throw pillows stacked on it alongside a huge blanket. The bowl of popcorn was set on the coffee table in front of the sofa, waiting to be devoured.

The movie played five minutes later and you secretly watched Sunghwa’s eyes glow in excitement, as he sat comfortably while leaning forward slightly, focusing on the movie even though he already watched it. Soon you found yourself laying your head on his chest when Sunghwa’s high went down, with the blanket giving you warmth and the popcorn bowl on top of your crossed legs.

Rather than paying attention to the storyline like your boyfriend, you found yourself watching the details of every CG effects and also the actors and actresses. Movies would always make you gush in amazement, because the editing could make one’s imagination into realization. And the face of every actor and actress were so different, you found the uniqueness in their facial look and expression intriguing.

“Daisy Ridley really fits the character, her acting is spot on and she really portrayed Rey’s character well,” Sunghwa only nodded as you started rambling, his right hand moving to take a fistful of popcorn from your lap, “And her chemistry with John Boyega really shows, the both of them really made their new character interesting!” And your boyfriend nodded again, but you were used with Sunghwa being like this whenever he was too deep into a film, so you continued giving comments about the actors and actresses.

“And the guy who played Poe Dameron is really cool as well! What was his name again? I think his name started with Oscar?” There was a slight discomfort in Sunghwa as he gave a glance towards you, whose eyes were locked with Poe Dameron’s scene on the screen, “And he’s not that tall, yet he gives off this cutie vibe.” This time it was you who were oblivious to Sunghwa’s huff as the man rolled his eyes at you, and a small fire started in his heart as he shifted in his seat.

“What about the guys from the First Order then?” Sunghwa asked, his voice coming out like a spat more than he liked it to be, “What’s your thoughts about Kylo Ren and General Hux?” And you answered his question without looking at him, as the movie rolled to the scene where Kylo Ren took off his mask.

“Physically speaking, Adam Driver is very tall, and he looked much like a gangster since he’s very buff under those robes. And his face is odd— a good kind of odd— and it’s unexplainable but it makes him look kind of scary. He’s towering but packed with muscles and a ferocious face, I’d probably faint if I were Daisy during their light saber duel.” You finished the comment with a laugh, but in Sunghwa’s eyes you seemed like you were sending googly eyes to the actor who played Kylo Ren, which seemed to boil something in Sunghwa’s heart.

‘You’re just tired, dumbass,’ Sunghwa thought in his mind, although it didn’t help with the discomfort that was growing bigger inside him, ‘She’s just giving her two cents on the movie, no need to be so worked up.’

“And the actor who played General Hux! He played the chill Bill Weasley in Harry Potter, and to be honest it’s quite the shock watching him scream about ending the Republic and destroying planets. Honestly he fits the role pretty good, he’s shockingly good playing such an evil character. And there’s this grace in his steps and how he carry himself, which really suits someone who is an important general. These two evil characters are amazing. J.J Abrams really did a fantastic job on this movie.” At this point, Sunghwa was fuming with anger, yet he tried his best to look blankly to the television, although his fists were clenched and his jaw was tightening.

“Then why don’t you date someone like any of them?” The fury inside of Sunghwa snapped without him having control over himself, as the words that had slipped out of his lips were of declaration for war, “You could have gone for someone who’s cute, or maybe a tall hunk, or go for a ginger head instead!” He had moved from his seat to glare at you, feigning a look of hurt and from what you could see in his beautiful brown eyes: jealousy.

Never have Sunghwa gone mad like this after you spoken your opinions, he would either nod off as a silent agreement or put his own opinions for you. But from how he looked so riled up, from how his eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes looked like he had been betrayed, you may have gone a bit too far. Hell, you did go too far, and what’s worse is you went too far on his favorite movie, out of all the movies in the world! You could only stare at Sunghwa in agape, because the sudden change of situation still took you aback.

“I didn’t mean any of it! You know I never take these opinions seriously,” You started to talk, the nervousness seemingly clogging you to speak, “I just like to take in how every person in movies look very different from each other, how they can somehow merge with their characters, and how the uniqueness in them adds up to the perfectness of the movie! I only like them because they are all so exotic, and I don’t even love any of them.” Somehow hearing your reassurance dimmed the fire in Sunghwa’s heart as he sat silently, suddenly feeling lost in himself for his foolish act.

You took his silence to scoot forward, leaning in to gently cup Sunghwa’s face in your hand, making him take a good look at you. He looked so distraught, realizing that there really was no need for his outburst, but you found the jealousy that sparked inside of him was cute. It brought a smile to your lips and soon a giggle followed suit, although Sunghwa looked like he was about to faint because of embarrassment.

“It’s really cute when you get jealous like that babe-“

“I’m not jealous!”

“Well, whatever you call it,” Sunghwa’s cheeks were flushed pink as he lets out a groan, “But there’s really no need for that. I mean, sure they were hunks or cuties, but in my eyes you’re the perfect one here. None of those top class actors could beat you. So your outburst just now was really cute, but don’t ever doubt my love for you, okay?” You playfully ruffled his hair and grinned widely, as you kissed his nose and made the man flush brighter.

“I just- I really didn’t know what gotten over me (Name),” Sunghwa sighed, finally admitting in his heart that he was indeed jealous, “I could never be like them, you know? I’m too old to grow taller and I can’t even get as buff as Jay.” You sighed, since you’ve seen the damage you made had made him self-conscious of his own body.

“I never cared about your looks when I fell in love with you! Your handsome look was a bonus for me, I guess,” The both of you cackled into laughter hearing this, “But I fell in love with your heart, and please know that I won’t even trade the galaxy for you Sunghwa.” Somehow hearing your reassurance was a great way to calm him down, as he felt butterflies fill his stomach. And hearing yourself saying such a cheesy line made you blush yourself.

“Well I’m glad I’m dating a princess and not someone from the First Order,” Sunghwa leaned in to capture your lips in his, although you were smiling in the short kiss, “Like, wouldn’t it be a forbidden love if someone from the First Order dated a Resistance member?” You could only shake your head, because the Star Wars references were getting a bit too much for you.

“Why don’t we get back to the movie? It’s getting to the fun part.”

“But everything in the movie is the fun part!”

“Sure it is, you dork.”

Dear Friend,

April 3, 2017

I had a very busy day today.
I woke up at 7:30am.
I didn’t need to be awake until 9:30am, but I couldn’t go back to sleep after I got up to use the restroom.
For some odd reason my mind just started racing.
I kept thinking and I didn’t know how to make it stop.
That was going on for a whole hour.

When I finally got up, I opened my door and was blinded by the bright sunlight burning through the windows in the dining room.
My mom had the blinds open for the natural lighting instead of using our fluorescents.
She was sitting by the bar, typing away on her laptop, and working on some paperwork.

“Good morning Mom,” I said.

“Good morning Papi,” she replied.
She calls me that when she’s in a good mood. 

I walked passed her and headed towards the kitchen.
I had prepared an overnight oatmeal recipe the night before, so the first thing I did was open the fridge to get my breakfast.
I normally don’t eat breakfast, but I’m trying to fix that.

This was my second attempt at making this overnight oatmeal.
I made it with almond milk, plain yogurt, honey, cocoa powder, and chia seeds.
It was supposed to have strawberries as well, but we didn’t have any, unfortunately.
And to be honest, it wasn’t as great as the first time I made it.

When I finished eating my chocolate strawberry-less oatmeal, it was time for me to get ready for school.
I took a shower, brushed my teeth, changed into some nice clothes, put on my black Steve Madden boots, and fixed my hair.
Then, I left to school.

I walked toward my class which was located in the business building.
I was there thirty minutes early for class and I was actually pretty happy about that because I was about to take an exam.
I sat down in the first empty seat I saw and started to study for the time being.

I remember this one classmate of mine was walking in circles around the hallways of the building.
He was wearing sweatpants and I could tell he wasn’t wearing any underwear.
It was really a nice sight to see - I wish you were there to stare at his junk with me. 

My thirty minutes of studying came to an end…
I unconfidently walked into class to fail my exam.
To my surprise, it was a lot easier than I thought, but to be honest I don’t expect to get higher than a “D”.
I will find out by tomorrow how I truly did.

After my exam, I walked to another building - The College of Liberal Arts.
I went there in hopes of running into an old English professor.
I printed out a copy of one of the letters I have sent you…
I’m thinking about publishing it…
I hope that’s okay…

Thankfully, she was there!
I told her about what I was doing and what I was expecting from her.
She’s such a kind woman.
I’m not even her student anymore and she agreed to help me with this.
She even said she’d give it to her colleague because he’s a creative writing professor.
She said she doesn’t have that kind of experience.
She mostly only reads and writes for academic purposes.

Soon after I told my professor goodbye (and many thank you’s), I headed toward the writing center to get a second opinion on the same letter.

The girl that helped me was very kind.
I was so nervous to let her read it and judge it in front of me.
Honestly, I was scared she was going to think it was nonfiction (obviously, it is, but I didn’t want her to get that impression).
I was shaking for a few moments and my palms started to sweat.

She didn’t have to edit it much.
She just told me I had a lot of punctuation mistakes.
I should really work on that.

It was actually really nice to be next to her while she read my excerpt.
She let out a few sighs as if she could relate.
She let out subtle aw’s under her breath.
She also let out a giggle at one point.
It was very comforting to see someone’s real life reactions while reading something I wrote.
It makes me wonder if you do them too.

Afterward, I ended up going to my previous workplace to interview my ex-manager for a project I have for my management class.
When I got there, everyone who I used to work with was still there.
I only saw one unfamiliar face there.
The guy was obviously new.

Everyone said hello and asked how I was doing.
I made small talk with them for as long as I could.
Then, I sat in the way corner of the restaurant and waited for my ex-manager to sit with me.

When she got to the table she said, “I hope you don’t mind me eating right now. I’m starving.”

“No, of course! Don’t worry about it.” I said encouragingly with a big smile.

“Alright then, good! So… let’s make this happen. Hit me with your best questions,” she said. “Show me what you got.”

I laughed, looked down at my notes and started interviewing her.
It lasted about thirty minutes.
I had worked with her for over three years and I can honestly say I learned so much more about her today in this one session alone than those three years with her.

Later, I got something to eat before going into work.
I had Chinese; it was sadly very unsatisfying.

I was only at work for a few hours.
Nothing worth mentioning happened there.

When I got home, I was greeted by my mom the same way she greeted me in the morning.
She was at the bar doing work on her laptop again - I was living in déjà vu. 
My dad was in the living room watching TV.
“How was your day Papi?” She asked while I walked into the kitchen.

“It was okay. I’ve just been really busy all day and I’m about to go eat with Josh,” I said.

“Really? At this hour? Where are you guys going?”

I didn’t realize it was already 10:30pm. “Yeah. I’m pretty hungry and I want to see him. We’re supposed to go to Applebee’s. To be honest, I’m not too sure if I’m going after all because you know how he is with his kids and all. Sometimes he’ll say let’s go, then ten minutes later he’ll say never mind because one of his twins woke up or something.”

“Yeah. You’re right,” she agreed.

I continued talking to my mom for a moment; all while preparing my breakfast for the week.
I’m trying to eat healthier, so I’ve been making the overnight oatmeal I mentioned earlier almost every night.
To save time, I decided to prep for the next four mornings.

I got papers, blunts, bongs.
All the ingredients to make a high nigga pie.
Just kidding.
That’s one of my favorite line’s in Scary Movie; I just had to say it, sorry.
Let me start over.

I got oats, almond milk, cocoa powder, yogurt, chia seeds, yogurt and strawberries.
All the ingredients to make my chocolate strawberry oatmeal (yes, we had strawberries this time).
It didn’t take me long.
Just before I finished up, Josh called me.

“Hey! Do you still want to go to Applebee’s? I got my dad’s truck, so I can just meet you there.” He sounded really happy to go and meet with me. 

“Yeah. Of course. I just need to finish something. If you get there before me you know what to order me right?” I asked.

“Cedar Grilled Chicken?” He questioned. 


“Okay. See you later.”

I hung up the phone and continued to make my oatmeal.
My stomach was feeling really empty so I tried to hurry.
When I was done, I got my keys and rushed out the front door.

I sped my way through the streets and through the highway. 
In times like these - when I’m anxious to see my best friend and hungry - I’m glad the speed limit on the highway is seventy-five miles per hour. 
So, it surely didn’t take me long to get there. 

When I showed up at the restaurant, I walked in and noticed he was sitting at one of the high tables that surrounded the bar.
I walked up to him, he saw me and we both smiled at each other. 
He looked so cute with his freshly new haircut and clean shaved face. 

He knows I don’t like facial hair. 
Sometimes I wonder if he shaves it just for me. 
I doubt he did it for me this time because he just started a new job at a restaurant; they prefer if you don’t have any facial hair. 

“Hey Josh,” I said with a big smile. 

“Hey Alex,” he responded. He mirrored my smile. 

“Did you already order for me?” I asked. 

“Yeah, I ordered for you. It should be coming out in a little bit. I got wings - buffalo and bbq flavored. And of course I ordered your chicken for you.”

“Thanks, because I’m starving!”

The rest of the night consisted of us talking about movies, games, a girl that he’s talking to and our lives. 
He talked about his twins. 
I talked about my love life - or lack thereof. 
This was going on for over an hour. 

When it started getting late, I paid for the tab and we walked out together. 
I started walking him to his truck and when we turned the corner of the restaurant I gave him a big hug. 
We kept our arms wrapped over each other’s shoulder and kept walking toward his truck together. 

It was really cute, because I felt like we were a couple - I’m sure it looked like that to other people who could see us through the windows of the restaurant - but we aren’t. 
He’s just a really great friend who deserves all my love and appreciation.
He’s been there for me every single time, and that’s not me being overdramatic. 
We talk every day.
I see him two to three times a week - four on a good one.
I just love him to death.  
I really do.
And I know he really loves me too. 
I can honestly say bravely that I’d do anything for him. 

“Hey,” he said as he looked at me. 
I turned over to him and looked straight into his brown eyes.
His face was close to mine because we were still holding on to each other. 
“Thank you for the food baby, and the drink of course,” he continued. 
I like it when he calls me names.

I laughed. “You’re welcome Josh. You don’t have to thank me though,” I lied.
Of course he has to thank me. 
I just said that so I could fish for more appreciative comments. 

“Yes I do. You always buy me food. And you’re always there for me when I need you. Or when I need money - you give it to me. The least I could do is tell you thank you. I love you Alex.”
I swear, I feel like he and I make the perfect homo-hetero couple.

My heart fluttered when I heard him say that. 
That’s all I ever want in a relationship - whether it be a friend or a boyfriend - all I ever want is to feel wanted, appreciated, important, and, of course, loved. 
“I love you too, Josh,” I said with a smirk. 

We finally got to his truck and I gave him another hug before I said goodbye. 
“I’ll text you when I get home,” I said.
“You better,” he demanded. 
And I did. 

I didn’t do much after I got home. 
To be honest, there was nothing for me to do. 
I didn’t have homework and there was nothing productive to do around the house. 

So, I decided to have a bit of downtime by myself. 
I made popcorn, heated up some nacho cheese, poured some hot cheetos in my bowl of freshly popped popcorn and pigged out in my room while watching a new episode of Riverdale. 
I only saw about twenty minutes of it though, because I couldn’t stay up too late. 

I also really wanted to tell you about my day. 
I don’t know why. 
I guess I just wanted to say that I wish I had more days like this - days where I’m busy as hell and distracted that I don’t even have the time to think about the bad things. 

So here I am writing to you. 
It’s already passed midnight; I should really go to sleep soon.
I have to wake up early in the morning because my friends and I are going to the school clinic to get our blood checked. 
I’m getting tested for STD’s and general blood work like my sugar levels, cholesterol, etc. 
I’m not sure if my friends are getting checked for STD’s. 

By the way, I know I’m always ranting to you; so, I just wanted to take this time to tell you thank you - I know I don’t do it enough.
So… Thank you!

I have learned to appreciate what you have while you still got it, because one day it will be taken away from you in the most tragic, unprepared way. 

Until Next Time… 
Love always,

A rant about YouTubers

 We live in the 21st century and everybody is free to state their opinion. It is mature and wise to scroll down, ignore or criticize constructively any thoughts you don’t agree with, whatever they might be. I am about to rant in a way I should’ve done a while ago. I feel like more people than they’d like to admit think this way and honestly I have no problem in doing this for them. I would also give names because what’s the point of sending indirects when you’re criticizing something anyway? So the only thing I’d be willing to say sorry for is if I hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s 100% not my intention to hit anybody right in their hearts, so if I do, I hope you forgive me. That said, let’s get on with the rant. 

For the past 1-2 years, I have not been enjoying YouTube. I’m aware that many people have been saying the exact same thing (check fireflysuggs on Instagram), but I want to explain why. I feel like, nowadays, there are 3 types of YouTubers I can easily pin down, all of them with examples.

1. Zoella. Zoe has been recieving some really harsh comments lately, and honestly it hurts to say that, at this point, I don’t even know if she deserves it or not. Bare in mind, she does not deserve pointless, bullshit kind of hate, I am talking about those people who stopped watching her because her videos got repetitive and boring. I kind of agree with that last part. Her content is mainly long hauls that make me want to stop watching within 5 minutes. She cracks a few jokes every now and then, but there’s somthing about her videos now that make me not want to click on them. There are no twists, no funny moments, no original content. It’s like sitting there watching a woman talking about beauty products most people can’t even afford or get their hands into for 20 minutes. No, that’s actually what it is. I still love some of her videos tho, mainly her collabs with Mark. But even her videos with Joe (I’m talking about the last one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqDaUj0maVM ) seem quite boring to me. It’s like her videos are a flat line, when a few years ago they were a rollercoaster. And I feel like most people subscribe to her or are still subscribed because she’s Zoella, which is kind of sad. 

However, she’s worked really hard on her channel throughout the years and she surely deserves all the subscriber she has.

2. Alfie Deyes, Bethany Mota. These are the kind of YouTubers that, in my humble opinion, do not deserve to keep gaining money from making videos. For God’s sake, Alfie’s main channel has been dead for 4 months. Bethany still uploads every now and then, but her videos are not genuine anymore. It just gives the impression that she only uploads for money. Before you jump at my neck and detach it from my body, I know Alfie still posts vlogs. All I’m saying is that they should not be making money out of something they don’t use anymore. Specially Alfie, in this case. All in all, I think they should make money depending on how often they upload. 

3. Jim Chapman. I really do like Jim, and it hurst to say that his videos have become my least favourite kind of content: look at how fabulous my life is, I want to share it with everyone. Honestly, he’s now living the good life and working with really important fashion brands because of YouTube. I feel like many YouTubers forget the reason why they’re famous now. Tyler Oakley’s content has also been annoying me lately, although he makes me laugh like fucking crazy and I just can’t hate him even if they paid me. 

And then, believe it or not, there are still some genuine YouTubers out there who actually do it because they love it or they just really want to help others. Some of them actually have real jobs outside the screen. The only one I can think of is Louise Pentland (https://www.youtube.com/user/Sprinkleofglitter) but if you guys know some more, I think you should share them with everybody.

The conclussion I’ve reached is not really satisfying. As a hard working young adult, it grinds my gears every time I go on Instagram and Caspar Lee is on a fucking plane again. Off to some dreamy paradise for like a month with no worries on his mind because all he does is post a video a week no longer than 10 minutes (at least he’s original, I’ll give him that). 

To be fucking honest, I don’t think YouTube should moneticise videos. I could only imagine how many people would stop posting if that happened. No one should gain more than a hard-working, sacrifying human being who actually spends his/her 12 hours at work five days a week. As you can probably tell, I am completely fed up, and that’s why I unsubscribed and stopped watching most people’s videos, even those I’ve been following for the past years.

As hard as it might sound, in your working life, you will proabably earn /are earning less money a month than these people, and all they do is…well, nothing. I have made videos before (I have not posted any of them) and it literally takes me 1 day to film and edit all together. What do they do for the rest of the week? My favourite part is when they don’t upload in time. Like wow, I didn’t know that not doing anything all day was so time consuming.

Fascinating, just fascinating. 

Second year of medical school- a summary

Ok everyone, it’s been exactly 2 months since I finished 2nd year of medical school, so I think it is undoubtedly the time for me to write some kind of summary of this very eventful year. Below you will find a very subjective report of what those last 10 months has been like for me, of what I experienced and what I learned. Hope you’ll find it at least a little interesting and not unreadable!


Keep reading

2015 Camren Analysis Part 2: Complete Analysis So Far

||31Jan2015|| OK guys, it’s go time. (I will edit as they continue to post, so if you’re interested, stay updated on this blog)

So, what I’ve gathered from Lauren so far is that she still isn’t willing to take things to the next level with Camila/go public with their relationship. Her level of discomfort with that whole notion is at the point where she seems to be willing to end things with Camila (which is really fucking heart-breaking and unfortunate). She posted this mid-day on 30jan2015:

It’s gotten to the point where Lauren is willing to throw 2 and a half years with Camila because she’s so apprehensive to come out with their relationship. I understand why she doesn’t want to do it for a couple of (possible)  reasons. 1: when she decides to go solo (let’s face it, Fifth Harmony isn’t going to be Fifth Harmony forever) she doesn’t want to pigeon hole herself as the non hetero female artist (sort of like those actors who get classified as character actors; Google it if you don’t know what that means). 2: she is legitimately undergoing an internal struggle with her own sexuality and isn’t ready to accept that she may not be 100% straight. Or 3: (and i reallyyyy fucking hate to say this) maybe she thinks she has genuinely outgrown Camila. I say that because she posted this (around midnight):

In my 100% honest opinion, I think it was fucked up of her to post this, because she was basically telling the world that she thinks Camila is emotionally immature. It would have been more tactful to say all of this to each other in person, not passive aggressively on Tumblr. Cuz at the end of the day, she is equally immature because she’s doing the same thing that Camila is doing.

She also reblogged a quote pretty much saying that she wants Camila to talk to her because she’s getting sick of the silence between the two (Camila just reblogged a quote talking about ignoring her, so it does line up). So there is a glimmer of hope that these two will cut the bullshit and passive aggression and actually talk about the issues they have with each other. Lauren seems to play the role os a hard-ass in this whole ordeal, but at the end of the day, she truly does miss her connection with Camila and wants to talk. This is what Lauren posted earlier on Jan. 30:


And on Camila’s part….well first of all, she reblogged this for about the 3rd time:

So Camila is clearly still hurt about Lauren’s unwillingness to compromise. I understand Camila’s point of view as well. Because think about it, hiding a relationship for over 2 years has to be fucking exhausting. That shit would get old real quick, especially when so many people already know about it anyway. They can’t keep up the charade of Camren only being a “lovely, divine friendship” (Camila’s own words) forever. She is also hurt because over the years, she has probably told Lauren her inner most thoughts secrets (which contributed to their closeness) and she probably feels betrayed that after all they’ve been through, Lauren still isn’t cooperating with her. She may also feel that even if they’re just on a friendship level, Lauren would be more understanding of her point of view. She posted this:

It also seems as if Camila wants to draw attention to her Tumblr, which makes me believe that their main argument is about them coming out. She posted this:

This next post mirrors Lauren’s previous post (so they’re obviously talking to each other):

I honestly thought Camila was ready to call it quits when she posted this:

She also posted this for the second time in a week:

But I think they are both still hopeful (as well as me) that they can work something out. It will only work though if they meet each other in the middle. It seems as if Camila realizes that relationships (especially one as high profile as theirs) aren’t always going to be perfect or easy, but if you’re willing to work on them, they can end up happily. She posted this:

Camila also addresses why she has been giving Lauren the cold shoulder in this post:

This was Lauren’s reaction to Camila ignoring her:

Camila then went on to post various quotes saying that she wants lay with and talk to Lauren (probably to relax the tension between them and hopefully make up). We all know that Lauren can be head strong at times but hopefully she’ll be receptive to what Camila’s saying and call a truce. Camila posted these:

Also, Lauren posted this on Instagram earlier :

You can tell that this is weighing heavily on their hearts and minds because Camila posted this:

Whoo! lol it took alot of work and time putting this all together. But to sum it all up, Lauren and Camila really just need to be mature and talk to each other personally about this. I think it would be beneficial to have a mediator help them work through their issues because they can’t seem to find a resolution. It would seriously be a shame for them to throw everything away over a temporary impasse.

Also, I think it’s important for them to realize that if they let this issue get too out of hand, it could negatively affect their band mates, family, friends, and fans. Let’s be honest, the main reason they have fans is because we enjoy seeing the chemistry and positive energy between Fifth Harmony. We’re not idiots. We will definitely be able to pick up on any tension or negative energy within the group during any of their interviews, live performances, etc. and it will get awkward and uncomfortable. Something like this could easily lead down a road to destruction for the girls if they don’t get it under control.

It even seems like Ally (the mother of the group) may also be getting involved in their problem. Ally posted this:

This is the wrong time to allow something as silly as relationship drama to destroy everything Camren/Fifth Harmony has worked for. Their best bet at the moment is to seek an outside opinion of someone they trust and to take a small break from each other until they both cool off. Maybe taking a step back will give them the clarity that they so desperately need. BUT, you also have to take into consideration that they are both young and they will continue to make mistakes (which is a huge factor in this whole thing). Lauren’s stubbornness and Camila’s persistence is only going to create a rift between them and they both should just chill out for a moment, step back, realize what’s actually important to them, and continue to be the beautiful, intelligent, passionate women that they are. I honestly feel like this will blow over if they both just have a little patience and faith in each other. We all want nothing more than for them to be happy.

I said it before and I’ll say it again: 2015 is going to be the year that makes or breaks Camren (if they don’t get their heads out of their asses).  I say this because they’ve moved pass the phase of attraction and lust and they seem to be taking their relationship more seriously this year.

(I apologize if this is incomprehensible, but I’m tired as fuck)

Again, thanks for reading! Love you all! <3

**I will continue to make edits once more information is available and when I get some rest, so stay tuned!**

Love you ssweet-dispositionn and waakeme-up <3

I’ve got 99 Problems... and Captain ‘Hook’ Killian Jones is all of them!  Why Hook is NOT reformed character. And why CS is toxic – The red flags

These are my opinions. I am entitled to my opinion and entitled to voice that opinion just like anyone else on social media. If you start sending me hate for my opinion, you will be blocked it’s as simple as that. This is pretty much 2 blogs in one as they are interlinked.  I’m not going to go through 99 preoblems but I need to sound off about what infuriates me about this guy.  So prepare yourself for long read.  In fact get a coffee or a tea or something… you may need it.  Ok so let’s go waaaaaaaaaay back to Killian’s back story.  Lt. Killian Jones sailed with his brother, Captain Liam Jones, in the British Navy fleet and was all about good form, even down to not drinking Rum as it would affect a sailor’s performance and put the rest of the crew in danger.  And we have just recently learned of how that job role came about and his problem with drinking and gambling it would seem.  But they managed to get into the Royal Navy and their king had sent them to find dreamshade in Neverland which Liam had been informed was a powerful plant that could heal any injury which would make their fleet indestructible. It turns out it was a poisonous plant their king wanted to use as a weapon.  

Despite Pan warning them that dreamshade was deadly poisonous, the arrogant Liam decides to proceed.  Killian shows some concern when finding it, and Liam, not heeding Pan’s warning, scratches himself with it and poisons himself.  Killian’s reaction when his brother eventually dies is to get angry with the King but instead of seeking his revenge actually on the King, (he couldn’t be angry with Pan as he did warn them) he took his anger out by renouncing his role as lieutenant in his majesty’s Navy and decided to become a pirate instead.  This clean cut, let’s not drink rum sailor decided to become a rum swilling, womanizing, thieving, underhanded pirate?!  That’s a pretty big extreme in a matter of seconds but ok.  No build up to it at all, just suddenly I’m a dark, devious, womanizing, thieving, pirate that only cares about himself.  He got angry with his brother’s death and he basically didn’t direct that anger directly to the king, he just took that anger out on everything he touched.  So that should be an indication of how quickly he can go from being a nice guy to a douche bag in relatively no time at all.  We didn’t see a build up into this darkness like we saw with Regina. It was nice guy to asshole in 60 seconds.  Honestly, Usain Bolt is slower in a sprint than it was for Hook to transition into being dark! (Red flag number 1)

Give him his due he was grieving the loss of his brother and was in the anger stage of grief.  Anger which became displaced and which he never broke out of.  We never actually saw Hook go through any other stages of grief, not like Regina did for Daniel.  Regina tried bargaining to get Dr. Frankenstein to bring Daniel back to life, she isolated herself as much as she could which is part of the denial and isolation stage.  Neither Hook nor Regina could really deny they had died because their saw Liam and Daniel die in front of them so the kind of skipped the denial stage which does happen in real life terms.  It was very clear Regina suffered with depression when Daniel died, and anger is a part of depression as it is one of the symptoms.  Although Hook was angry and swilling rum, he never seemed depressed. ***EDITED COMMENT: It has been quite rightly pointed out to me that men and women do display depression differently, and the way I have worded this could be misconstrued as me saying people with depression don’t have sex or if they do they don’t often. Whilst it is common to have a reduced sex drive with depression, it isn’t that way for everyone. So I apologise if the way I worded that has caused any offense. Hook was angry when his brother died, he turned to alcohol. Which can also be a sign of depression, again, not for everyone. However, the rest of his behaviour wasn’t really indicative of depression. The way I worded it by saying I don’t think he was depressed about his brother’s passing, should have been written as, if he was feeling any depression, then he hid it well enough for it not to be picked up on as I didn’t see any other symptoms that are typical of depression. There are many symptoms. To be diagnosed with depression a number of those symptoms need to be evident and to have been present for two weeks or longer according to the DSM 5 (Diagnostic and statically manual of mental illness and other psychological conditions). It is merely my opinion that Hook didn’t appear depressed because we didn’t see other symptoms of the condition. Apologise for confusion or any offense as it wasn’t my intention to offend. Sometimes having dyslexia, I struggle with my wording and structure and I can come across quite blunt or not write exactly what I am trying to convey. Thank you to the person who pointed this out.*** It was implied womanised a lot before meeting Milah, and sex drives often deplete when suffering depression. I don’t think he was ever really depressed about it which meant he never really left the anger stage, so it just festered.

 Did Hook really love Milah?  

He says he does but something tells me different.  Not only did he brag about having many wives of other men to Rumple, (obviously marriage didn’t bother him) he was not bothered when Rumple told him they have a son at home who needs his mother. Hook laughed it off by making a PIMP JOKE about having a crew full of men who needed… companionship, implying that Milah was providing that for them all!  The fact he paused and said companionship in a cockey tone it was an obvious sexual reference.  

I do wonder if his bragging about many men’s wives was just bullshit bravado because when we see Hook and Milah meet for the first time in a flashback during season 5b, Killian was disappointed that Milah was married and in the end scuttled off with his tail between his legs.  Now this suggested that he did actually for at least a moment respect the sanctity of someone’s marriage.  But that soon changed as he began to have an affair with Milah anyway. Even if this was bullshit bravado, it means to say he lies to big himself up and compromises his own morality (red flag number 2 – pimp jokes and possible bravado bullshit or the honest truth in him playing a part in adultery).

He ends up in Cora’s service (never a wise move)

and during that time he meets Emma Swan.  Instantly you see he is attracted to her, not because of her personality, no it was all superficial, he liked the way she looked and he was thinking with his dick. He seemed to think with his dick a lot as you will see with my explanation…

This brings me to that moment where I know CS readers are gonna flip their shit when they read this because they refuse to see it… the argument of Hook engaging in rape culture behaviours argument (gosh this really pains me that this crops up so much with him and in Once Upon a Time which is a “family show”).

What is the “Rape Culture?”

Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture.  Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.

Rape Culture affects every woman.  The rape of one woman is a degradation, terror, and limitation to all women. Most women and girls limit their behavior because of the existence of rape. Most women and girls live in fear of rape. Men, in general, do not. That’s how rape functions as a powerful means by which the whole female population is held in a subordinate position to the whole male population, even though many men don’t rape, and many women are never victims of rape.  This cycle of fear is the legacy of Rape Culture.

Examples of Rape Culture:

·         Blaming the victim (“She asked for it!”)

·         Trivializing sexual assault (“Boys will be boys!”)

·         Sexually explicit jokes

·         Tolerance of sexual harassment

·         Inflating false rape report statistics

·         Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s dress, mental state, motives, and history

·         Gratuitous gendered violence in movies and television

·         Defining “manhood” as dominant and sexually aggressive

·         Defining “womanhood” as submissive and sexually passive

·         Pressure on men to “score”

·         Pressure on women to not appear “cold”

·         Assuming only promiscuous women get raped

·         Assuming that men don’t get raped or that only “weak” men get raped

·         Refusing to take rape accusations seriously

·         Teaching women to avoid getting raped instead of teaching men not to rape

When Emma and Snow are trying to get back to Storybrooke and fighting it out with Cora and Hook, Cora tries to rip out Snow’s heart, but Emma pushes her out of the way and Cora has her hand in Emma’s chest and she tells Emma that she is a foolish girl and that love is weakness.  Cora can’t rip Emma’s heart out and Emma tells her no… it’s strength and her heart blasts Cora back.  Hook ends up fighting with Emma and gets her on her back. Not only does he say he prefers doing better things with a woman on her back, and as he said it, he slid his hook down the length of the sword – an obvious sexual reference.

He then says “when I jab you with my sword you’ll feel it.” This was a sexual reference, the fandom took it as a sexual reference.  But this sexual reference wasn’t made to a woman who wanted to be “jabbed with his sword.”  Look at her face.  

That is not a face of mutual attraction or desire, she looked shocked and intimidated and a little fearful by the reference and the pervy face he made.  No, this was a woman who did not want that at all from him and her next action confirmed that.  Emma fought him off ended up punching him and knocking him out!  (You go girl!)  This is not the action of a woman who was in any way turned on by what he implied.  I am not calling him a rapist at this point, I am saying that his behaviour is implying that he believes rape culture to be acceptable (red flag number 3).

There was the episode where he threatens Belle with a gun and when she tells him she isn’t afraid of him, he resorts to rape culture by getting invading Belle’s personal space in a sexual and predatory manner which she didn’t look comfortable with and she did show fear at one point in her face.  I am not calling him a rapist at this point, I am saying that his behaviour is implying that he believes rape culture to be acceptable.  

He did this only to intimidate Belle and make her fear him after she said she wasn’t afraid of him (red flag number 4 intimidation with rapey tendencies).  To add even more to the rape culture argument, When Emma met the past Hook, past Hook said to Emma in the tavern “If I didn’t know any better, Swan, I’d say you were trying to get me drunk… and that is usually MY tactic.”  

Again this is a part of rape culture and an open admission that he gets women drunk in order so they comply with his desire to have sex with them. Now some may argue well Emma was trying to get Hook drunk so how is that different?  Well Emma wasn’t encouraging Hook to drink so she could have her way with him, as we all know, Hook would be willing for that to happen in sobriety. No, Emma’s motives were not of a rape culture nature.  

So why is Hook’s tactic considered a part of rape culture?  When a woman is drunk, I’m not talking tipsy, I’m talking drunk, then SHE IS UNABLE TO GIVE CONSENT in any sexual activity as her mind has been altered with toxins - alcohol.  We all do stupid things when we are drunk, and we all make bad decisions when drunk.  That includes sexual stuff.  A woman when sober may not wish to have sex with a particular man or woman, but after several drinks her inhibitions will drop, a few more drinks and those beer goggles are on, a few more and she may not even care what happens at that point and she may even say she wants to have sex with him/her, but in her sober mind she wouldn’t.  Therefore she cannot give sound minded consent as she is not of sound mind.  If she can’t consent in sound mind and you proceed to have sex with her, then you have just raped her even you didn’t actually force yourself upon her because she did not consent in sound mind.  Whether you agree with that or not, that is the the law.

We then see him in several episodes make inappropriate remarks to women, including Mary-Margaret/Snow… EMMA’S MOTHER… EEEEEEEEEW!!!  (The David/Charming punches him in the face for it.  Can’t blame the guy though violence is not a hero trait Charming tut tut!

You’re meant to impress the parents Hook, not hit on them!!! (red flag number 5 inappropriate sexual remarks to Emma’s mother).

(David, Mary Margaret, Leroy, and Hook are at the docks. Hook walks with an obvious limp.)

Hook: You didn’t even ask me about my recovery.

MMB: How are you feeling, Hook?

Hook: Come closer and feel for yourself. (David hits Hook.)

David: You want to lose the other hand? Where’s the ship? Come on. Archie told us. It’s shielded somehow, isn’t it, mate?

5 red flags so far before Emma has even warmed to Hook at all.  I’m going to add a 6th red flag in one sentence now.  Have you noticed Hook will only ever play on the side that suits his own agenda?  He was working for Cora, then agreed to work with Emma and Mary Margaret by betraying Cora in the whole Jack and the beanstalk plot, then he ends up going back to Cora… this is a theme for quite some time for Hook which shows he had no loyalties at all, he was only ever interested in fulfilling his own agenda. So the 6th flag is no appreciation for loyalty… but then what did we expect… he is after all a pirate!

Moving on, Hook agrees to work with Greg Mendell and Tamara, two of Pan’s agents. Per their plan, he forges an alliance with Regina, and then he betrays her, so they can capture her.  (Red flag number 7 - has no problem walking away from a woman, regardless of her personality and history, and leaves her there to be tortured via electrocution.)

Why?  It benefited his plans to do so (red flag 8 selfishness).  However, upon realizing that Greg and Tamara’s plan would involve his death, Hook betrays eventually them and seemingly allies with his former enemies.

Mary Margaret: But it’s wrong. Emma, I killed her mother.

Emma: You did that to Cora because you had to.

Mary Margaret: I did it because it was easy. It was a mistake. There were other paths, harder paths, and I wish I had taken them. So please, Emma, honey, let’s take the hard path. Because if we don’t we will be building a future on Regina’s blood.

Emma: (Hesitates a moment, then:) Okay. (David tosses her the bean, but it is intercepted by Hook.

Hook: You’re all mad. (Emma and David attempt to grab it back.) I can live with myself.

Emma: Give it back.

Hook: If she wants to die for us, I say let her.

Emma: We understand each other. Look out for yourself, and you’ll never get hurt, right? Hook: Worked quite well for me.

Emma: Yeah, until the day that it doesn’t. We’re gonna do this. It might be stupid, it might be crazy, but we’re doing it. So, you can join us and be a part of something, or you can do what you can do best, and be alone.

Hook: (Hands her the pouch containing the bean) Quite passionate, Swan. (Everyone begins to leave.) So, why are you really doing this?

Emma: The kid just lost his father today. I’m not letting him lose a mother too.

Hook: His father? Who’s Henry’s father?

Emma: Neal.

Hook: Baelfire?


Ok so at this point you would think that Hook has sided with the good guys. However, He deceived Emma and gave back to her an empty pouch because he had selfishly took the bean for himself, even though he knew Henry was Neal/Baelfire’s son, even though he was told that Neal/Baelfire had passed away, even though he knew that if Regina was unsuccessful in saving the town from total destruction by the trigger that they would all perish, he would have rather saved his own skin and got away leaving the whole town and its inhabitants to be obliterated…  What a douche!  

This is not the making of a hero!  So Emma and Regina end up using their power to save the town without sending the trigger through a portal which is what the bean Hook stole and kept for himself was intended for.  One problem solved.  But how were they going to go after Henry without a bean?  Suddenly as he was sailing away, and he did get quite a distance from the Storybrooke docks, Hook does a u turn and comes back.  

Emma: Hook. (Scene shifts to the Jolly Roger) What the hell are you doing here?

Hook: Helping.

Regina: Well, you’re too late.

Hook: Am I?

Emma: I thought you didn’t care about anyone but yourself.

Hook: (Holds out the bean and hands it to Emma) Maybe I just needed reminding that I could.

Regina: Enough waiting around, let’s go.

The selfishnessness of his actions is brushed under the carpet, they find out where Henry is and off they pop through a portal.

So, he journeys with Gold, Regina, Emma, and the Charmings to Neverland to rescue Henry.  It seems in Neverland, when Hook becomes the team’s guide, he becomes a bit of a hero of sorts, but even his “heroism” has ulterior motives.  He saved David from dream shade poisoning.  

On the surface this looks like the heroic thing.  However!  He later admits he did it for Emma.  He didn’t do it for David/Charming, the one who was suffering and the one facing death, he didn’t do it because it was the right or honourable thing to do, no he did it for Emma to more than likely get in her pants.  It’s a simple and might I say completely obvious tactic.  Even David/Charming saw through that one when he said “Please, you’re not here out of any nobility, you’re here because of Emma. You won’t get her I’ll see to that.” So yes an obvious tactic and would you look at that… it worked!  (red flag 9 manipulative behaviour)

Suddenly Emma Swan, the girl who cried in the episode before (which time wise in the story was literally a matter of a few hours at most) because she realised she still loved Neal/Baelfire, who she thought at this point was now dead, the girl who was mourning her believed dead old flame, was suddenly kissing Hook after much of his chasing, of which Emma many a time declined.  It wasn’t just the fact that Emma was obviously feeling emotionally vulnerable as she grieved for Neal that made this kiss seem like it was a rebound thing at best, she kisses him in an overly dramatic passionate way.  Let’s take a look at the conversation leading up to that kiss…

Emma:  You really save his life?

Hook:  That surprise you?

Emma:  Well, you and David aren’t exactly… (Inhales deeply) How do you say it? (Imitates British accent) Mates.

Hook:  Doesn’t mean I’d leave your father to perish on this island.

Emma:  Thank you. Um…

Hook:  Well, perhaps gratitude is in order now. (Taps his finger on his lips)

(This is Hook seeking reward with his misogynistic sense of entitlement which is red flag 10.  It wasn’t a romantic OR EVEN MUTUAL suggestion.  He did good and now the puppy needs his doggy treat.  And Emma ends up giving it to him which conditions his thinking that this is what he needs to do in order to gain her affections)

Emma:  Yeah. That’s what the “thank you” was for.

Hook:  Mm. That all your father’s life is worth to you?

Emma:  Please. You couldn’t handle it.

Hook: (Whispers) Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t ‘handle it’. (Emma pulls Hook into the kiss, which quickly turns heated and very passionate kiss, to which he returns. They continue to kiss for a few moments, before Emma pulls back, her forehead still resting against his and clinging to the lapels of his jacket).

Hook: (Breathless and stunned). That was, um… Emma: A one-time thing. (Pulls back and begins to walk away). Don’t follow me. Wait five minutes. Go get some firewood or something. Hook: As you wish.

Emma grieving the loss of the man she still loved, she clung on to the nearest person showing her some affection and this is quite a common thing to happen during grief of a lost loved one.  She was in quite a vulnerable position.  Not only had she lost Neal and was grieving for a man that she had loved for over a decade whom she did not spend all that time with, but did shut herself off from love because the pain was too much for her, but Emma was also worried about her son and his safety, feeling that constant panicky feeling mothers get when their child his missing, in a constant state of flight or fight as she was ready for anything and being in that state mass produces adrenaline. She was already doubting herself and her capabilities whilst in Neverland, she was trying to lead a team in finding her son, her dad just had a near death experience so she could have faced losing him and grieving for him as well… this is a lot going on for one person. 

 So when you have someone who saves your father and then has that expectation of gratitude and a simple thanks was not enough for him, who then suggests that SHE is the one who couldn’t handle it, Emma gave him what he had been pestering for in a forceful passionate way which in the mindset she was in she would have more than likely been thinking this’ll shut him up and prove to him that I can handle anything.  In a way, she wasn’t feeling like she was handling anything particular well, had no control over her feelings (showing her vulnerable broken heart to her parents was something she wouldn’t have been comfortable with) so if she couldn’t have any sort of feeling in control and this idiot was telling her she couldn’t handle him either, well at least she can prove him wrong.

There wasn’t any loving build up to this moment, there wasn’t any eye sex, eye brow lifts, coy smiles, moving in closer when talking, playing with hair (these things are generally quite a give-away when a woman is sexually interested), there was no build u of tension, it was literally a forcefully passionate kiss out of the blue.  It felt like she was saying here you go take this and shut up for fuck sake!  But add that true love music over the top of it, and it’s no wonder so many people were like awwww look the shady pirate’s not that bad! See Emma! Awww… I ship it…  whereas a hell of a lot of us in ALL other ships of the fandom were like this…

 When Neal/balefire turned out not to be dead, and they found him in the echo caves, Emma tells Neal she never stopped loving him.  She told him she loves him and always will, and she secretly hoped that his being in the echo caves was a trick and that he was dead because it was easier to put him behind her than to go through all the pain again, that being the pain of finding him knowing that she loves him and could face losing him all over again.  This was after she kissed Hook.  Notice that she did not use past tense language.  She still loves Neal!

But what let Neal down and Hook down further and was really disgraceful was the typical boyish behaviour is that Neal and Hook displayed. In typical animalistic fashion they began to try and fight for dominance in order to win the female.  You know, coz women are just prizes to be won right? GRRRR!  They fought like school boys for her attention (red flag number 11, fighting another for her attention but whilst she was looking for her lost son showed absolutely no consideration for the circumstances).  Hook then said she would have to choose [him or Neal].  In the end she said, “If I have to choose, I choose Henry!”  This was the real Emma Swan that we know and love; the strong mother who puts her son first. Sadly by season 5, after dating Hook for a short while, she has become a weakened shell of her former self and chasing after a man without giving Henry a second thought.  I remember in one episode she asked Henry what he thought about dating Hook.  He wasn’t thrilled by the idea and admitted that but told her he wanted her to be happy… anyway…

Jump forward to after Pan’s curse was set in motion.  Regina sends Emma and Henry over the town line, sacrificing her own happiness in order to save her son and Emma.  She even gave the new memories so as they wouldn’t remember any of their entire time in Storybrooke.  So she gave them new memories as if they had always been together. Then Hook shows up, knowing Emma wouldn’t remember anything and plants his lips on Emma’s, hoping that true love’s kiss would break the curse and remind Emma of who she is… only true loves kiss didn’t work… hmmm I wonder why?!  For that matter… why hasn’t true loves kiss ever worked for Captain Swan? That in itself should say something.

 I digress… apologies.  Back to New York.  Eventually Killian gives her some memory potion to return her memories, and during a conversation he implies he’s glad her heart was broken, because if it can be broken, it means it still works.  This was quite a silly thing to say.  During heart break your heart really doesn’t work.  It can shut down and shut out everyone, it can see anyone showing you interest as a potential threat and make you keep your distance, it aches, it’s painful, it tears you up inside… I didn’t really see any evidence of that with Walsh, even though she was going to accept his marriage proposal she didn’t look the least bit upset that he turned out to be a flying monkey. But in any case, a broken heart doesn’t work.  A broken heart that has healed, can.  He made it sound like ooh you’ve had your heart broken, but never mind your heart break because your heart still works which means I have a shot… no empathy whatsoever, only considering his own motives (red flag 12)

Yadda yadda yadda, you know how the story goes… and then later he tells her he traded his ship for her.  Now give Hook his due, he honestly did something for someone else and traded his ship for Emma so that she could save her family.  But it was such a grand gesture yet again.  And we know why Hook likes those grand gestures!  Sure enough that tipped the balance and Captain Swan becomes a relationship.

Emma and Hook brought Marian back.  Regina was clearly upset as this development could ruin her happiness with Robin.  She felt her life was over and yes she did end up telling Emma she ruined her life. Of course she was going to do that because all those feelings of how Snow ruined her life by starting the ball rolling for Cora to actually ruin Regina’s life further, came flooding back to Regina.  It was the darkness acting like a devil on her shoulder saying come back Regina, it’s easy here, comfortable, you have been here before… but what did Regina do?  Yes she got upset and she hid herself away, cried in her office sat on the floor behind the door.  But you know what?  Give Regina her credit, she didn’t succumb to the darkness and seek revenge on Emma. No, Regina fought her darkness!!! She even told Emma she didn’t want to kill her. Now this is a really important comparison point I will come back to later.

Anyway when Regina walked away from Granny’s completely upset, Emma was going to go after her.  Killian grabbed Emma’s arm and told her not to as no good has ever come from chasing after Regina.  (This is a little red flag for me red flag number 7… controlling behaviour.  Be it small that is how it starts off).  He also attempted controlling behaviour from the very moment they became a couple.  In this scene he not only gets annoyed that Emma pulls away, he tries to manipulate her through a pity party tactic, then gets annoyed with her because she isn’t wanting to spend quite time with him, she wants to spend some time trying to fix the situation and the hurt she caused Regina and support her through it.  Emma even says that she feels too guilty about what she did to Regina by bringing Marian back.  And what does Hook do?  He adds to her guilt by pulling that obviously pissed off face and says, “This isn’t just about Regina is it?”  She doesn’t respond and doesn’t deny that there is more in it.  She just kisses him to shut him up and pacify him once again.  (red flag 13 emotional manipulation on top of the general manipulation).

So a few episodes into season 4 not too much with Hook he seems to behave himself… until we get to the first Captain Swan date.  In this episode Killian goes to Rumple and blackmails him into giving him his hand back because when he wants to hold Emma he wants to do so with two hands… rewind… he blackmails the dark one?! Not only is that a school boy error of a move to make knowing how the dark one tricks and the dark one lies, he used an underhanded tactic to get exactly what he wanted. (Red flag 14 – can’t get what I want through honest means I will do something devious or underhanded to get it)  This red flag was before he even got his hand back.  Rumple warned him, that he could end up affected by reuniting his hook dressed stump with his hand.  He warned him that it belonged to the man he used to be. No telling what could happen. 

Hook didn’t listen to him, but things started to happen.  He became aggressive and violent, short tempered and vengeful, just like the man he was not that long ago. In the end we learn that Rumple lied to Killian, that hand wouldn’t have done anything to his behaviour.  Hook fell victim to the power of suggestion.  In the back of his mind he believed it was a possibility and that small tiny possibility actually gave permission to behave like the douche he is.  Suggestion is like a placebo effect.  It’s very much like someone giving you a drink and telling you it’s alcoholic when it isn’t.  The more you drink it the more intoxicated you seem, even when there is no alcohol.  Some may argue that this power of suggestion was too powerful.  But we know love is very powerful stuff and true love is the most powerful magic of all, do we honestly believe that someone’s suggestion would really over the power of love?  How many times has someone suggested that you think about your relationship because your partner may not be so good for you, but you didn’t listen because you believed you were in love?  Love trumps suggestion every time.

Now my problem with this is Hook hasn’t really had a journey. He has had no road to redemption. It took Regina ages to get her redemption.  So are we seriously to believe that Killian ‘Hook’ Jones has become a new decent honest man within a few episodes???  Ok… let’s really analyse a few things to answer this question…

When we compare Regina to Hook, she took the time to look deep within her soul, to figure out what was right and what was wrong, what was a healthy behaviour to express anger or emotional pain and what was not, she started to take other people into consideration, she then started to open up her fragile formerly dark heart and letting people in.  I could go on here but she took the time to really explore that within herself. Hook was merely putting on a mask and hiding his true colours by making grand gestures to Emma which added to the illusion that he was indeed reformed.  Emma fell for this, Hook line, and sinker… pun intended!  The thing is, when you wear a mask, sooner or later the elastic cord slackens and the mask will drop.

Moving on to season five where I shall start wrapping this up as I’m getting sick of talking about him, but I am more sick of having to explain this to every CSer who challenges me on why I don’t like the dude… There is no question Hook became emotionally abusive in season 5a, and I am sure a lot of CSers would argue that he wasn’t.  So let’s look at what emotional abuse can involve (please note that you don’t have to tick off each one and have them all for emotional abuse, it can be just one or a couple of things on the list.  But the more you tick it’s likely the abuse is intense).  Now keep in mind that I am a psychologist and psychotherapist so I know exactly what I am talking about.  I have degrees I have worked very hard for and know this stuff well!

What is emotional abuse?

Some people use emotional abuse to control people. These signs can be more difficult to spot, but could include:

·         Getting angry when you want to spend time with your friends  

(Hook – When she wanted to apologise and support Regina after bringing Marian back)

·         Isolating you from friends and family

(Hook, nope I don’t think he is guilty of this per se, but he doesn’t half show jealousy and disdain as far as Emma spending time with Regina goes)

·         Threatening to spread rumours about you

(Nope don’t remember anything of this nature… tell me if I am forgetting moments)

·         Saying things like “If you loved me you would…”  

(Not that I can recall)

·         Putting you down all the time, using names like ‘frigid’ or ‘slut’ to control what you do, humiliate you and destroy your self-esteem

(Hook = Guilty “washed up… pretty blonde distraction… you’ll always be an orphan.”  

·         Trying to control your life (telling you how to dress, who you hang out with and what you say)

(nope not guilty)

·         Threatening to harm you or to self–harm if you leave them  

(not if she left but he threatened that he wanted to hurt her like she hurt him… selfish prick she saved your fucking life you ungrateful swine!)

·         Demanding to know where you are all the time

(the sheer number of times he yelled her surname looking for her, and was so pissed he couldn’t find her that he then decided to emotionally manipulate her into showing up that he jumps off a building purposely knowing she would have to turn up and save his life)

·         Monitoring your calls and emails, threatening you if you don’t respond instantly

(Not really, though he was agitated when she couldn’t pick up and he was trying to warn her that Rumple had been controlling him and he lied to her in the process.  But I am guessing the situation was pressing and caused that, however he should have just told her Rumple’s plan and done the honourable thing by being honest and truthful.)

·         Getting really angry, really quickly

(Guilty – the hand incident, and when Emma was sucked up in the vortex of evil he snapped at everyone but his biggest snap was at Regina… why??? Oh I don’t know, maybe it was because Emma made the ultimate sacrifice for Regina and absorbed the darkness instead of letting Regina take it.  Emma never made that sacrifice for him.  That’s why he was so snappy with Regina especially.

·         Using force during an argument

(he hasn’t raised his hand to Emma since they became a couple.  But words hurt just as much and can be just as forceful. However for this argument, since being with Emma he hasn’t been forceful.)

·         Blaming others for their problems or feelings

(Guilty.  He blamed Emma for the darkness.  Now Emma didn’t  do devious underhanded things straight away as a dark one.  If she could fight it so could he.  Rumple never told Belle she was a pretty distraction, washed up etc so how much was actual Hook and how much was the actual darkness?)

·         Being verbally abusive

(This is the same as putting you down but also incorporates hostility in tone of voice, shouting, getting right in someones face and shouting etc)

·         Using threatening behaviour towards others

(guilty.  Threatened her family.)

·         Pressuring you to send them nude pictures

(This is a family show… lol)

·         If someone is lesbian, gay, bi or transgender and not ‘out’, their partner might threaten to ‘out’ them if they don’t do what they want.

If you have read this list and feel that you are being abused and want some assistance, please contact a local agency as soon as possible when you are in a safe position to do so.  Never put yourself in further danger.  Now, whilst Hook does not tick off all on the list, as I said before, he doesn’t need to fulfil all the criteria to be considered an abuser, he did tick off a few in that last. (red flag 15 emotional abuser)

We have already seen how through a suggestion he slipped back into his old ways with the hand thing.  If he had really changed it’s doubtful that he would have behaved aggressively at all. We see this suggestion giving Hook permission to behave like an asshole yet again this season because Emma turns him into a dark one as it was the only way to save him.  She later wipes his memory so that he has no idea he is dark.  All that time he was a dark one, he was a little shirt fused but other than that he was ok.  Then as soon as he knew he was a dark one that was it, permission was granted for him to be a douche bag again.  And he was a douche.  He was unknowingly dark all that time and managed to control himself to a certain degree and as soon as he was told that he was a dark one, everything changed.  Now looking at the list there is one that really stands out:- Verbally abusive.  “I want to hurt you like you hurt me” “You’re washed up”  “…you’ll always be an orphan”  “you were just a pretty blonde distraction” etc…

Now… some CSers like to use the argument, well in that case Regina was abusing Emma after they established a friendship by calling  Emma “a pathetic waste of ability.”  Ok let’s go there… Firstly Regina made one comment that could upset Emma because Emma need to find that inner fire in herself in order to take control of her magic to light the fire they had made by using magic.  Now let’s face it, had Regina taken a softly,softly and nicey, nicey approach, Emma wouldn’t have got angry.  Remember, she wasn’t using light magic, she was being taught a few bits of dark magic as the savior, it would be handy to know.  So Regina could give Emma the feels and make her feel good about herself as Emma needed to access anger or pain or something negative in order to use dark magic.  Regina did make it abundantly clear afterwards that she did it so that Emma could access those feelings to light the fire with magic when she asked her if she could smell the smoke, and she gave her a coy, cheeky little smile as she walked away.  In our friendships and family relationships, I’m sure you will be able to think of at least one time where someone has pushed your buttons in order for you to perform better or to achieve something you didn’t think you could possibly do.  

“But it’s true love!”  They cry, Hook sacrificed himself for Emma and saved the whole town!  If that isn’t a hero then what is?!”

Ok let me put this into perspective for you…  If I turn up at your house and lock you inside with no way to get out, then pour gasoline all over the place and set alight to your home whilst you were inside… how would you feel?  You would be panicked, frightened, your life would be flashing before your eyes whilst you frantically tried to find a way out to safety, you would worry about your family and a million thoughts of never seeing them again would flash before your eyes all the while you were trying to escape. I’ve let you stay in that fire for 10 minutes now…  How are you feeling?  Are you starting to suffocate on the fumes yet?  Are you starting to choke on the smoke, and start getting weakened by it? Are you practically begging me to let you out yet?  Well let’s say you are.  After all of that I agree to go in and let you out and endanger my life in the process. I was very almost going to kill you, but then at the last minute I did this overly grand gesture of getting you to safety and I died.  How would that make me a hero?  Metaphorically speaking that is exactly what Hook did.  Admitting your mistake is one thing, give him his due he realised at the last minute what he was doing was wrong and he cleaned up his mess.  He rectified his own mistake.  That does not make him a hero.  “Heroes don’t kill” Regina said when she had the chance to off Zelena and didn’t.

When Neal died he told Emma to find her Tallahasee meaning to go find her happiness with someone else and settle her roots with them.  Daniel when he died, he told Regina to love again, to move on and open her heart to love someone else.  When Regina was about to die she said Let me die as Regina.  She was under no illusions about who she used to be, but she knew she was different now.  In a way Regina was saying it’s okay.  I accept responsibility for who I used to be, I can’t change who I used to be, so let me die as the better person I have become and keep the memory of me as a better person that I was.  She was trying to send Henry away with Emma, so the whole tone of that was to say goodbye and save everyone from a curse that Pan enacted.  So she wasn’t cleaning up her own mess really, as much as she blamed herself for it.  She was handling Pan’s mess and sacrificed her own happiness to do so.  Hook…well, he said let me die a hero. How much more self glorifying can you get?  You made the mess in the first place Hook, and doing the right thing doesn’t make you a hero, it merely balances things out.  Heroes don’t start problems, fix them and then expect praise for it! Heroes are not fearless people, they are frightened and yet they will face the fear and do the right and honourable thing.  Had someone else caused all the dark ones to wreak their havoc and he stepped in and scarified himself in the process, then that would have been heroic.  Hell, had he have fought the darkness and didn’t give into being a douche bag that would have made him brave, strong and heroic.  What he did was fall back onto that conditioned thinking that Emma would show him great affection for his grand gesture. He sacrificed himself knowing that Emma is a sucker for the grand gestures and his so called love for her would be forever immortalised.  

The feelings of disdain other shippers have for Captain Swan is not really ship related per se.  It is more to do with the fact that Hook clearly did not redeem himself, he masked himself.  He has not taken time to really be on a road to redemption, he hasn’t struggled with it coz he literally masked it and pretended it wasn’t there.  Another indication that he has not changed is that as soon as he saw Rumple after hearing Milah’s soul was now lost forever he didn’t confront Rumple there and then, perhaps as he was too upset.  He confronted him about deceiving Emma and taking back the dark one powers in front of everyone, a fine piece of male show  boating of aggression with violent threats of murder.  Like he could kill Rumple anyway.  Hook was a dark one and despite his efforts, Hook couldn’t kill Rumple when he was a mortal magic free man!  That’s because his arrogance always gets the better of him.

I could literally go on and on about how Hook has not changed for a long long time but I am sure you will become as bored reading about it as I am right now writing about it. Hook… has… not… changed… Everything he has done to “change” hasn’t been to grow.  He is not the hero you would like to think he is, and ultimately, after everything Emma has been through, she really does deserve better than that.

Always Remember what Regina said…

Evil doesn’t always look evil.  Sometimes it can be staring right at us and we don’t even know it.  Just because a pirate is pretty and masks his darkness, doesn’t mean to say he isn’t dark or has truly found redemption.


For the love of all that is good in this world, can some people stop pretending that Ray is a blameless cupcake whose only crime is dating Felicity? Can some people stop living in a fantasy world where there are not entirely valid reasons for being repulsed by this character and not wanting him anywhere near Felicity that have nothing to do with his being Olicity Obstacle of the Season aka Pitsop Palmer?

What has Ray done that is so terrible, you ask? Well, I’m glad you did! Take a seat, and get comfy because this won’t be short.

1) He stalked Felicity. He. Stalked. Her. HE STALKED HER. I cannot stress this enough. He tracked her whereabouts using her phone and followed her to where she was. Twice.

2) He showed up at her place of work specifically to use her expertise against her friend without her knowledge.

3) When she expressed a distaste for his actions and rejected his offer of employment, he proceeded to inundate her with phone calls and texts and emails and flowers, which she categorically and repeatedly stated were unwelcome. There’s a name for this. It’s called harassment.

4) As if that wasn’t bad enough, he took a step further into a place I like to call restraining orderville by buying out the entire company under which Felicity worked to manipulate her into working for him. Because, hey, if you don’t work for Palmer by choice, apparently he’ll make sure you’re robbed of your sense of professional independence so you may as well take the job he offered you in the first place. He “owns” you either way.

5) He then suggested that she should be flattered, because ha ha, what woman wouldn’t be, right? Ha Ha. Women love it when you buy companies to corner them into working for you.

6) He showed up at her home early in the morning unannounced, and barged in before she expressed any interest in him doing so. All for something he easily could have addressed over a phone call or an email or at work in person.

7) He offered her an expensive dress and extravagant jewellery as what essentially amounted to a glorified bribe to coax her into attending a work dinner with him. She was his employee and VP of the company. Nothing about this was appropriate or respectful or professional. Ask yourself how you’d react if your boss bought you couture to wear to a work dinner?

8) He used her expertise for months to further his “mission” with the ATOM suit, but only told her the truth when he felt it convenient. That secrecy, in isolation, could be understood if he hadn’t later claimed to have been honest with her from the start while chastising her for not telling him the truth about her entire life. After knowing Felicity for a few months, he acted entitled to information about her relationship with a man she’s known for two years. A relationship involving secrets that are not just hers to tell.

9) He told her exactly what she wanted to hear, and did exactly what she wanted him to do in order to get his suit working. Only to then fly off in the suit, never bothering to tell her that he actually got the damn thing to work even though it wouldn’t be working without her. He still has the audacity to lecture her on “true partnership”.

10) He used the suit that wouldn’t be functional without her to electrocute one of her friends and attempt to attack the other. He seems to have a penchant for using Felicity indirectly against her own friends, so I’ll give him points for consistency.

11) He has completely robbed Felicity of her agency and ability to earn her own professional success by handing her everything she wants on a silver platter simply to further his own agenda. She has all the appearance of power, but little to no actual power. At least none that Palmer hasn’t deemed would serve his needs for her to have. She literally was in possession of more clout and independence as Oliver’s assistant than she is as the Vice President of the entire company. If that doesn’t disturb you, it should.

Hey, Guggenheim? Acknowledge this shit. Acknowledge that this shitty character is shitty and not some sort of poor undeserving victim of irrational hate.

When I see that a character who engaged in this behaviour is being made a romantic option for Felicity, all I’m hearing is that my inability to reconcile his actions with the idea that she would ever show interest in him makes me a hysterical fan. And you know what, fuck that. Fuck that six ways till Sunday.

None of this would be a problem if he were presented as shitty or morally ambiguous. But he’s not. He’s a “hero”. He’s presented as appealing. The reason there’s a lot of backlash hitting Felicity right now is entirely a result of this and I hate it. Because all the audience sees is Felicity rendered suddenly incapable of calling out bullshit when she has never been incapable of that regardless of how she feels about the person. She’s been in love with Oliver for lord knows how long now, but not once has that clouded her judgement. Barring the first few interactions, she’s been seemingly oblivious to all of Palmer’s crap.

And again, this would be acceptable if it were an intentional portrayal of an unhealthy relationship, but it’s not. We’re not meant to think “oh poor Felicity’s trapped in a horrible relationship and she’s unaware”. We’re meant to see it as a viable, and even perhaps a “better” option for Felicity than Oliver. We’re not meant to believe that Felicity doesn’t know what she’s saying about Palmer. We’re meant to take everything she says about him at face value and nothing more. I will defend Felicity all day long if need be, but I refuse to defend the way her good opinion as a popular character is being used in a weak attempt to get a privileged, white boy, shithead like Palmer into the audiences good graces.

“Frankly, you are the creepiest form of stalker that I have ever had to deal with, and believe me when I’m telling you that that is saying a lot.”

Felicity’s words, not mine. The writers put those words in her mouth. That’s what makes this even more galling. Felicity has canonically been stalked in the past. Sure, it’s a footnote of canon, but it’s there. The idea that someone who has had experience with that kind of thing would be receptive romantically to a person who perpetuates the same pattern of behaviour is patently absurd to me. I’ve seen the kind of crap Ray pulls happen in real life, and it ain’t cute. It’s irritating at best and frightening at worst.

So, please, come at me with “What has Ray done other than get in the way of your ship?” I will pat the seat next to me and pull out a twelve foot long list because the guy is disgusting, and five more episodes of him is five too many.

anonymous asked:

Yo, I love how you draw Yakko! Any tips with drawing poses? You capture him so well!

Aw, thank you so much! I try my best with him! He’s a REALLY fun guy to draw; heck, all of them are! <3

And sure, I could try to give some tip! Granted, I’m not a professional and am still learning a lot myself. But, this is how I do things! (DO NOTE: I, in particular, don’t alter my pen’s opacity. My lines here with seem jumbled, yet I’m always able to make them out. Though, I hope it can still make sense for you! <:’D);

It helps a lot to get a sense of what/who you wanna draw, and especially how each character may look (pose, gesture, etc.)

First thing’s first, I always start off with a ‘line of action’:

The name itself practically defines what this is. Granted when one actually finishes a piece, of course, it is an ‘imaginary’ line that shows the ‘flow’ your character may be following. It helps when planning how ‘extreme’ or ‘dramatic’ you plan to make your character. The more exaggerated, the better! For this particular line here, I’ll just use a pig as our… well, guinea pig, today!

Next up, you start to add shapes of the body/head:

As you may notice, the line of action happens to go straight through the middle of the body, and even had a bit of perspective to it. Given I’m making this pic stand at a 3/4th view, you will want this look. In my opinion, more times than not, it is usually best to have your line of action go, quite literally, through the middle of the character, as a whole. Since I am using a pic here, I made the look of the body somewhat ‘bulky’, maybe even ‘chubby’. But if your character is even bigger or smaller, do not be afraid to edit the look around to your benefit.

After this comes more lines; this time, for the arms and legs (and head guidelines):

This can be the most challenging part at times, since you want to keep balance over anatomy (yes, even in more toony styles!) while still keeping your line of action in check. First things first, at this point, you should really set out how and where you want the face to face. I simply kept it facing the same way at the body; a 3/4th angle.

Here you notice that there are tiny little circles in the middle of the arms and legs. These are where your elbows/knees will be. To be honest, I don’t study anatomy enough to give good tips on this part. More so, I simply use my best judgement and think about how far down does an arm usually hand, whenever you’re not lifting it. Same with when you rest your hand on your hip, I think about how far/long your muscles come out to be. ‘If I let this arm hang down, would it look too long and awkward?’ ‘If I had this arm raised, would it appear too short?’ Etc, etc.

This can especially be difficult to plan out if your character is supposed to have long or short arms/legs. Overall, I would say studying your own body can help immensely, and simply using your better judgement can help your get a better grasp over your own art… Buuut still, study anatomy if you can (actual human models, tutorials from professional artists, photographs, so on), and don’t necessarily take after me (assuming you actually ready through/understood all that). ^^; 

Anyhow! Next up, I add shapes around the extra lines.

This is actually fairly easy for me. I simply add ‘loopy’ circles and even MORE lines around former lines, making sure to plane elbows and knees where they should be. And in this case, I chose to keep this pig with the legs of a quadruped; maintaining that sort of ‘disjointed leg’ look. HERE is when I actually look up a picture of the animal I do and study these features, just to make sure I’m doing things properly, while still adding my own flare. I also added ears and, woops, a hat! Gonna give this oinker an outfit!

Up next, we have the face and more accessories.

Again, this is a fairly easy task to me! I follow the guidelines of the head and out comes a face! And there’s even more lines, which are the plans for the clothing. After all this, that’s pretty much it for me! I’m ready to actually make this look like a decent sight to others! Going with a darker color, I simply give this sketch an outline!

And with that, the final product is-

Through this phase, I fix up any small imperfections, maybe even add or change up a few things, but all in all, this is what I come out with! :)

This is pretty much how I do all of my drawings, doodles and all! I depend a lot on the line of action constantly! It gives more livelihood to the picture!

Here are a few more doodles that may further accent how crisp the line of action can make a character look!

(Link to bigger file of this! http://i.imgur.com/fDZPcMg.jpg)

Hopefully my little ‘side notes; and ‘scribbles’ can be read, but these are what I keep in mind!

Though, do note, despite my note saying ‘don’t be afraid to work with straight lines of action’, I would also recommend you try to give your line any curve to it. Try not to make an ‘S’ right off the bat with them, but if when you turn out can actually make such a shape, that shows even more success!


Sorry for babbling here, and most likely not making any sense at all with this, but hope it maybe sheds some light on how I do things!

Remember; every artist is different in their own methods and ability! While tutorials and simply admiring others artwork can help, picking up that pencil and going at it can show your own abilities and preferences too! :)

alaricehawthorne  asked:

i'm gonna chime in here on the discussion, i definetely believe there's some underlying racist/racial stereotypes around when people fancast ronan as black and blue as east asian. because if ronan were black he'd fit the Angry Black Man stereotype (even tho we know why he is that way), and i definetely think there are some negative reasons to why east asian blue is the most popular version of racebent blue in the fandom, i just can't put it into words. cont.

[cont’d] like i saw another blogger point out that nearly every racebent of the gang has some negative connotations, but clearly it just doesn’t work in canon either. like i don’t get racebent gansey because he’s the whitest guy to white, like the books only seem to talk about financial privilege and not white, but gansey is the epitome of privilege, so him being a poc is weird, and like you pointed out, blue is most definetely a white feminist, i mean her feminism is written so white and 1-dimensial tbh and (2/3)

im actually very fond of your reasons why you fc every trc group member as white because if you’d fc them as poc it’d sent the wrong idea, a while ago i saw someone ask for books with asian, preferrably east asian (female) leads and someone replied with “well i havent read the books but every trc edit i’ve seen featured an oriental girl as blue”, and like, people could easily find stuff which states the ethnicity of the characters but it could still happen they dont and get disappointed (3/3)

adel i am sorry this is such a long ass response. be warned it is long. like, SO LONG

two anons who sent me asks about reading blue as east asian: replies to you are in this text!!

before i address what adel is saying

i am not claiming racial diversity in the series isn’t possible, i am saying it is not written into the text. arguing it is canon that ronan is Black or blue is east asian is ultimately more harmful for pocs, in my opinion, for a number of reasons

  1. people who see edits and read the book on the assumption their heritage is represented will likely be disappointed when there is no canon evidence of this representation (proof that edits have influenced reader interpretations under the cut)

  2. it may give the impression that hints and vague descriptions of skin colour are adequate representations of minority groups which homogenises entire groups of people.

    a “brown” girl cannot represent south asians, and latinas, and Black women, and arab women, and some east asian women - like 90% of women in the world - and thus doesn’t accurately represent any woc.

    similarly, blue, who is not only never described to be a asian but also lacks any east asian cultural heritage, can also not be expected to represent east asian women accurately or well. while fans can interpret her any way they want obviously, she cannot be touted as great representation for woc in ya lit as it devalues actual explicit east asian/whatever characters in other books 

arguing racial diversity exists canonically in a series where is doesn’t is not the way to attempt to ‘fix’ the lack of racial diversity in ya. to some extent, it may take away the initiative to write explicitly diverse characters who go to mosque, or speak spanish to their colombian grandma, or are bullied for the colour of their skin and actually represent racial minorities’ appearances and experiences if “brown” and “dark brown” are seen to be sufficient descriptors in representing pocs. 

to summarise: i don’t want to give the impression that the characters cannot be poc. they can. this is a series where magic and dream things exist. Black and asian people can exist too so why don’t they. you can imagine them how you want. no one, including me, can stop you from seeing what you see. i would probably cry tears of joy if you made a “everyone is south asian” au fancast and i saw my culture represented in edits too 

but please don’t claim the canon represents me because i am brown-skinned, or any one else from ethnic backgrounds. ultimately it undermines the drive for explicit representation. 

under the cut i have also put an explanation for why “dark brown” and “brown” also don’t count as good representation if you are interested 

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First person writing; tips and hints.

First person writing is much misunderstood, and many people will tell you to avoid it like the plague if you want to get published…  but, here’s the thing, this may be advice from people who persoannly dislike the style or who find it doesn’t suit their works. 

So, as someone who often writes in both first and third person I’m going to give you some basic hints and tips that will put you on the path to creating solid works in first person. 

But first, the pros and cons of first person writing. 

The Pros and Cons

To be honest, I love foirst person for the depth of personality which you can give characters with relative ease. First person, for the reader, is like listening to someone telling a story - if this person is interesting and eloquent you can listen to them all day. On the flip side this means that you really have to invest in all your characters or the reader wil quickly pick up on the similarities or weaknesses and lose interest.

First person writing also allows you to create an intense sense of immediacy - these things are happening as we read and they can be tinted with the characters personal feelings too which makes it much easier to show rather than tell. The downside is that it is very easy to fall into telling. It’s key to remember that your character is telling a story, explaining the events,  not talking to the reader like a friend relaying gossip. 

To sum up;

Pros: immediacy, personality (and with the two, intensity), conducive to showing rather than telling. 

Cons: easy to fall into telling, very character centric ( this can narrow the field too much), and you’ll have to deal with some people’s knee-jerk dislike of the style. 

These are not the only pros and cons, but they are the key ones.

So how do you kick your first person writing into good enough shape to prove the haters wrong? Well, you could start by doing the following things;

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