if any of you get this joke

3

What happened in Manchester is absolutely appalling and it saddens me that innocent lives were lost because of a selfish cunt’s warped perception of ideology, or selfish self imposed goals. Admittedly, I don’t know enough about what happened.

The last thing anybody needs right now is shitty journalists making poorly timed jokes, or an attention seeking toolbox trying to get people to notice them by any means.

I urge everyone to block Onision, Mr. Leavitt and anybody who posts shit like this at the time of any tragedy. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never followed them, or look at their content. They just don’t deserve to be seen or heard. There’s no place for hate. No place for petty one-upmanship. And certainly no place for incredibly offensive jokes.

#BlockOnision #BlockDavidLeavitt

EXO: having a really short girlfriend

Xiumin:  you know this boy would love it, being as fun sized as he is. Though if you still found it hard to reach up and peck his lips, he’ll get on his tippy toes and tease you until you yank him back down, he just loves that you’re adorably short(er than him).

Suho:  is a smol man as well, but he’ll find it harder to tease you than Minseok, just bc the sight of you pouting and puckering your lips in anticipation is too much for his heart to handle. He’s always down with the dad jokes tho, always asking if you needed help reaching something when you’re just getting a snack from the fridge- que Junmyeon slapping his knee and wheezing bc he’s hilarious.

Lay:  this doesn’t really bother him or make him think any less of you. In fact, he’s always cheering you on when you’re really close to reaching something, yet not quite getting it. He’ll kiss your forehead and smile at your defeated expression, but he’ll reach and get it for you.

Baekhyun:  the teasing is endless with this fool, and he’s not even that tall so he really shouldn’t be talking. He’ll fluff your hair and pinch your cheeks like a toddler, speaking in baby phrases to you bc he’s that much of a dork. Thinks you look adorable standing in pictures next to him, “that’s y/n, mini me.”

Chen:  "ahhh waaaeehhh can’t you just get it yourself?“ Complains and stomps his feet whenever you ask him for help when reaching something, but it’s all for showing and he’s always feeling manly after you thank him and call him a savior. Since he’s not tall as well, he won’t tease you as long as you don’t tease him.

Chanyeol:  this tall dork is confused as to why you’re always standing on your tip toes when you try and kiss him, “I mean you could just ask, ill pick you up and set you down on the counter if you-” okay well he’s learned his lesson, but he’s still teasing even after being helpful. Can’t believe he’s fell for a tiny human, but you two are like the exact opposite and it somehow works.

D.O:  the tiniest of the tinies, he won’t complain or utter a word of teasing. He does this adorable thing where he leans his head against yours, and that’s like a signal for you to perk up and press a kiss against his lips. It’s really cute bc you guys can be always seen from far away, holding hands and being tiny.

Kai:  a gentle giant, he won’t tease you as often since he can be hazardous with his tall frame. Since he’s got those dancer thighs, he’ll swiftly pick you up and letting you reach for the thing instead of getting it himself, then when he realizes how close you are perched up against him, he’s like oops….I didn’t plan for this but please kiss me and don’t make it awkward.

Sehun:  he knows how easily you can be mad at his lame jokes, so he tries and restrains himself before acting like a fool. The best thing is when you’re slow dancing with him, and your ear is pressed against his chest when you can hear his quickening heart beat, and his head resting on top of yours…that’s the life right there.

Originally posted by intokai

[PD101 S2] MY PICK’s reaction to a sudden backhug (2/?)

part 1 with big woojin, wink boi and daehwi here

BAE JINYOUNG: “…” he stood still without any movements at all.

at first you thought that he had fainted while standing. “jinyoung did you die?” you lightheartedly joked. 

“…”

“are you mad? did i hit you too hard when i came running?” your voice drips with concern as you try to swivel around his broad back and get a glimpse of his face.

to your surprise, he was blushing mess. “would it be weird if i said that i liked it a lot?

Originally posted by deer-jinyoung


KANG DANIEL: as you slam onto his solid back, you yelped at the intensity of the contact. “ouch!” 

daniel turns around with a concerned look on his face. “are you okay?” he gently patted your head. 

“yeah…” you mumbled, “i didn’t realise how much you worked out recently”

daniel grins at the comment. “if this is gonna be a thing, i think i should skip some weights today”

“what? i like your abs” you replied with a straightforward expression.

speechless, daniel could only laugh and pat your head once more.

Originally posted by miinct


KIM SAMUEL: “oh my god! who is that- wait i know who it is” he quickly turns around and locks you into a hug. “hi, i miss you”

smiling, you reciprocated the gesture. “i miss you more”

“hm?!” samuel pulls you away slightly. “that can’t be true because i miss you like- heaps!” 

tilting your head to the side, you hummed and shook your head. “nah i’m pretty sure that i missed you to the moon and back”

“oh god i think i melted a little

Originally posted by uenaws

can you imagine… sana… happy… away from all these people that make her feel like she has nobody… studying to get into med school… eating dates and cracking jokes with her mom as she cooks… joining elias in his channel for some cute q&as and it’s sweet… she laughs all the time and she’s happy and there are no white demons in her life…. my skin is clear just thinking about it… she deserves to be free more than any character on this show I will never forgive julie for putting her through hell like she did…

anonymous asked:

This is actuallly important and I hope you get this in the next couple of weeks, b4 my chemistry final because my teacher has promised a point of extra credit for any chemistry joke or pun we tell her that she hasn't heard before. Please give me some

Alright guys, you know what to do here. Reply with as many terrible chem jokes as you can think of.

-Tony

anonymous asked:

yo yo yo as a 5ft tall short-ass i do get annoyed at the un-tiny folks, but only when they're super height orientated? like "aw youre so tiny and cute".

((OOC: and I, as a 6ft tall woman, get annoyed when people say “oh you must play *insert sport here*” or “how’s the weather up there” or y’know any other joke about me being tall. Anyone at an extreme PROBABLY suffers from an insecurity about it))

karathrineplumsay  asked:

yo you got any tree bros headcannons bc count me in

DO I HAVE ANY TREEBROS HEADCANONS
LET ME SEE
YES LOTS
(these are from random days at like 3 am where i got a sudden thought so i’m just copy and pasting them some may be half asleep stupid ones)

- connor asks evan out to prom as a joke and then evan is actually excited and says yes so connor has to go to zoe for advice on how to dance/dress/do prom
- evan joking that connor should get an under cut because some hot guy at the store had one
- connor showing up to school the next day with his hair in a bun, showing off his under buzz cut
- ev an fr ea k ing o ut but loves it
- connor somehow convinced evan to go to a concert with him and evan ends up LOVING it and connor gets to watch him dance and sing along and have a great time
- heidi is confused as to where all of these large shirts/hoodies/sweaters are coming from when she washes evans clothes until cynthia calls and asks if connor left his favorite hoodie there
- connor refuses to take it back because “i love it on you better, plus it gives me a reason to hold you closer cause i’m cold”
- rolling skating date! at some random time when they skip school so it’s empty! the workers hating them! connor falling a lot bc lanky boi! evan being surprisingly good??
- double dates with zoe and her boyfriend/girlfriend/partner
- sitting against a tree at break sharing headphones while connor sketches and evan reads
- skype calls when one of them goes on vacation
- connors skype being taken over by the rest of the murphy clan because they all love evan so much
- heidi being a good and pure™ mom and leaving pamphlets about having safe sex in evans bathroom
- connor finding them one morning he stayed over and never letting evan live it down
- evan is blushy and nervous and steals them away but secretly keeps them for later because he’s scared of getting a disease and dying even tho connor hasn’t been with anyone else??
- connors family and evans family all going out for a huge party when the boys graduate
- treebros going to college together because evan helped connor get his grades up !!
- connor helping evan in return come up with ideas for his scholarship essays and he gets enough for college!!! proud of him
- them driving there together but not before an hour long crying hug fest from the hansen/murphys/kleinmans
- heidi crying and saying that the next time she sees evan he’s probably gonna be engaged
- she’s my wrong,,,,,
- connor totally was trying to finish schoolwork at like ¾ am and evan wanted him to come to bed
- evan trying to get him to take a break and sleep but he doesn’t want to do they start kinda arguing in their sleepy states
- connor, being sleep deprived, blurted out in the middle of the argument that he wanted to marry evan
- evan being all ???? bc morning then all !!!!!! when he realizes he was serious and is currently fumbling a ring out of his desk drawer
- IM GONNA STOP HERE SO I HAVE SOME FOR NEXT TIME SOMEONE WANTS SOME AND SO THIS ISN’T 10000000 PAGES LONG I HOPE THESE DIDN’T SUCK

ipre memes

bc they were on the starblaster for 100 years come on

  • magnus: [points to any animal on any given planet] taako tell that motherfucker i want to fight him
  • honestly a bunch of jokes about taako, lup, and barry being disney princesses for talking to animals
    • barry: can you please help me clean this mess up?
      merle: why don’t you just ask your animal friends to help? gather up your woodland creatures–
      barry: THAT WAS JUST THE ONE PLANET IT DOESN’T WORK ANYWHERE ELSE
  • merle is jesus
  • making up increasingly ludicrous stories and trying to get lucretia to actually write them down
    • magnus: you know, my real name is actually studly burninglove
      lucretia: [without looking up] you know what, magnus? i’ll do it. i will actually write that down. future generations will know you as studly. would that make you happy?
  • in that vein, davenport knew absolutely nothing about pop culture, so they keep making up celebrities and events and acting like they happened
    • they like. maintain it too. they have a whole canon of made-up pop culture.
    • taako: [something explodes] ugh this is just like when fantasy billy ray cyrus had his mid-90s breakdown
      davenport: isn’t it more like when fantasy kesha and fantasy bill nye had a cage match?
      lup: [completely straight-faced as magnus and taako try to smother their laughter] yes, cap’nport. exactly like that.
    • taako and lup almost managed to convince him that they were celebrity chefs until lucretia stepped in
  • [something goes wrong on the ship]
    anyone: greg fucking grimauldis
  • [points at anything] is that a bond
    • lup: am i made of bonds?
      barry: in a sense, yes. everything is.
      taako: are shadows?
      barry:
      lup: are dreams?
  • barry and lup bullshitting scientific-sounding words whenever magnus or merle ask them a question
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ATTENTION!!

There’s this huge problem spreading across amino, and possibly other social media platforms, and it would be horrible to have this happen to anybody else.

There is this horrible thing going around popular aminos called ‘The Blue Whale Challenge’, which is an app that has a link to it. If you do get a link to it from ANYBODY, I advise to immediately block them, and report them.

This 50 day challenge, also known as ‘The Blue Whale Game’ is reported to have you do various things to harm yourself, or put yourself in immediate danger. These things include cutting yourself in various ways, (cutting into major veins, carving symbols into your body, generally harming yourself, etc.) going on top of buildings and standing close to the edge, attempting to climb a crane, talking to others suffering the same ordeal, etc.

On the 50th day, they tell you to take your life. Jump from a building. Do not do any of this, EVER. There are people that care for you, and there would be people that would miss you horribly. Call the suicide hotline. Get help. Please, stay safe. Do not do this to yourself.

If you download this app, they hack into your electronic device and find all of your personal information, and make it so that you can’t remove or delete the app. They will use whatever they can get against you. Your credit card, tell you that they will hunt down your loved ones and kill them, anything. The person that created this game may have been arrested, but there are people still sending the links for this game.

Please, spread awareness about this problem so we can stop it before it starts. Stay safe, because I care. There are others that do too. Please, once again, stay safe, and do not download this app, or joke about it in any way.

So I’ve seen the discussion and conversation about the Kardashian segment on the Late Late show with Harry being asked if it’s true/right that she (Kendall) ‘lays’ all day. A pun playing on the other guests chickens which he named after the Kardashian females.

It’s this type of subtle sexism and disrespect that infuriates me. Would they have asked Kendall about her sex life if she was there - NEVER. Harry (who we are meant to believe was Kendall’s sexual partner) is now 'dating’ Tess doesn’t get asked what frequency he’s getting laid but will shade Kendall and infer she’s a got a high sex drive at best or a slut at worst.

What makes it worse is that you’ve got three men there sitting there making that joke about the sex life of their apparent friend (if not ex).

Would they like their mum, their daughter, their sister described like that - my guess is no. So if that’s the case why do it to ANY OTHER FEMALE. This disrespect (and call it what it is, it’s not just a joke) is insidious and pervasive and makes people think it’s ok to treat women like objects.

Harry I love your music especially some of the new album, but the way your treating females as a commodity to sell a story or get a quick laugh isn’t ok. You talk about being a feminist, guess what that means more then posting about the womens March. Stand up for women and call out this shit not just participate.

To Harry and his team, not to mention James please try harder cause this isn’t good enough.

The Houses and Humo(u)r
  • Gryffindor: Blunt, decisive comments that you either think are hysterical or extremely insulting. Gets loud when telling a joke, laughs super heartily, turns red in the face, etc.
  • Hufflepuff: Is so into the tag yourself meme and internet jokes in general. Loves to repeat jokes they've read online or in a magazine (or heard in general), none that are particularly aggressive or forthcoming on any particular stances. Loves when everyone is laughing together, hides face when laughing, laughs until crying.
  • Slytherin: Brutal one liners and sarcastic comments, cutting remarks that are so funny that you can't help but laugh, mocks own pretentiousness, makes the worst faces, is actually an idiot. Laughs in this weird-ass way so that no sound comes out and they just never break eye contact
  • Ravenclaw: Either tells a terrible pun, a joke about academia, or a dirty joke, there is no in-between. Likes to see the extreme reactions from friends, instead of laughing, they just have a giant, doofy grin.
Roommates (M)

Originally posted by bwipsul

╳ Pairing: Jimin x Reader 

╳ Genre: (one shot) smut and kinda fluff & angst ??

╳ Summary: Being roommates with your best friend can be fun until one day you look at him differently. 

(this is something that I found that I had written months ago and just decided to post it!!)


The day you looked at your best friend as more than a friend, you knew you were screwed. It happened out of nowhere. You just woke up one morning and looked at him differently. You were never going to tell anyone, you weren’t stupid. That would just lead to Jimin being freaked out and nothing being the same. Risking your friendship with Jimin was not worth the little crush you had on him.

Deciding that you couldn’t fall back asleep, you got up to start the morning. Walking into the kitchen to get some breakfast, you didn’t notice your best friend standing there.

“Holy shit! Jimin, you scared me!” You yelled, clutching your chest.

“What’s gotten you so jumpy?” Jimin asks, laughing while opening the refrigerator

Keep reading

Long rant about Portugal winning cuz I’m salty and can’t sleep

First of all, to all the people who’re gonna say 

“You don’t appreciate good music!”
What music I like and what would be considered “good” music is not for you to decide.

or “You’re just jealous that your fave didn’t win!” 

You are absolutely right, and here’s why:

  1. The song itself was pretty forgetful and boring to listen to. Literally ASMR material. It was different, yes, but just because something is different, it doesn’t make it exceptionally good.
  2. The singer blantantly disrespected the contest itself and acted as if his music was superior to everybody else’s. 
    Bulgaria, Hungary, Moldova: “Bitch, hold my fucking poodle.”
  3. Actual quote of him: “Music is not fireworks, music is feeling.”
    Music can be anything and that’s the beauty of it. All the other contestants that you bashed in your speech put just as much feeling and effort into their songs, maybe even more than you. Stfu.
  4. Actual arguments by ppl defending the song:
    -He sung in Portuguese
    -He performed despite having a heart condition
    -The audience was quiet during his performance
    -He looks cute

    Let me take em one by one..
    a) There were other songs, who sung in their own language as well, what’s your point
    b) Good for him, but that was pretty reckless, considering smthg serious COULD’VE happened
    c) They were quiet cuz the dude was whispering and maybe they were even *asked* to be quiet
    d) Kristian looked 10x cuter, thank you. 
  5. People saying that “A song with meaning won”, did you actually read the lyrics in English? His song was about love, the most generic topic in a boring ass ballad.
  6. You want a song with meaning, that isn’t sung in English and is quite memorable?
    FUCKING HUNGARY!!!!!! 
    Did anybody even bother with Hungary??
    Traditional music, traditional dancing, traditional clothing (partially), bilingual singing (none of it in English) AND the song was about the racism that Romas (aka Gypsies) face. PLUS THE SONG WAS ACTUALLY QUITE MEMORABLE AND VERY UNIQUE
  7. People were angry and pissed at Portugal winning, not because they hate Salvador or even the song, but because there were so many others that deserved it much more.
    No matter HOW you look at it, this was by no means a “winner” song. It sounds like no-copyright Coffeeshop music. And if the jury and the viewers voted for him because of him behaving in a peculiar way or because of his heart condition, Idk what to say to you. This isn’t the first time this happened, Conchita also won because of her being a drag Queen, however, her song was not that horrible tbh. I’ve already forgotten the rythme of Salvador’s song, that’s how forgettable it is. 
  8. And finally @ all the people being salty that Bulgaria didn’t win: I feel your pain.
    Compared to Portugal, Bulgaria was heaps better and idc what Salvador thinks about other artists, but you cant tell me that Kristian didn’t put just as much heart and soul into his performance with even better vocals and an actual good song all around. Both songs were about love, so you can’t argue with any difference in lyrical content. He was also very angry at himself and apologized for not being able to make it 1st place. He apologized for being ONLY 2nd, which is very admirable for a 17 year old to even GET this far. You deserve the world, boy. Your song will actually be played on radio stations and may your records be purchased by millions.

I think that’s all I had to say. Eurovision has become a disappointing joke. 

okay @marywisdom I now need a fic of Leonard Snart going to the WestAllen wedding.

  • Technically, he and Mick and Lisa weren’t invited, but that doesn’t matter, he forged an invitation and said that Barry’s third-removed cousin couldn’t make it, so he told them to go and have fun
    • Barry pulls Len aside and begs him not to ruin the wedding and Len is so offended
      • “As if I would ruin Iris’ special day, Barry. What kind of person do you think I am?”
  • Len and Mick in matching tuxes with little fire and ice lapel pins, Lisa in a gorgeous gold dress with matching jewelry
  • Lisa takes so many pictures at this wedding, so many. Of the bride and groom, the families, the reception, the cake (the cake has a glamor shot)
    • Also, she winked at Cisco from where he was standing with the grooms and there’s a great picture of him blushing.
    • She sat next to him during the reception
    • They danced together
  • Len and Mick are food snobs, you can’t tell me otherwise, especially Mick, and they manage to smuggle out three trays of hors d’oeuvres for later because that catering was damn good.
    • also they each got an extra piece of cake
      • “good job on finally tying the knot,” mick says, frosting in his teeth as he slaps Barry on the shoulder.
  • LEONARD SNART GIVES A TOAST TO BARRY AND IRIS
    • everyone’s slightly nervous and on edge because oh god
    • but it’s such a - nice - speech?
    • he mentions how Iris is the perfect person to balance out Barry, how she doesn’t take any shit and always finds a way to get things done regardless of the pressure on her head.
    • and that Barry is a good person and it rubs off on you whenever you spend too much time around him (”look at me,” he jokes) and that he wishes nothing but the best for both of them
    • and just when everyone starts tearing up he narrows his eyes and sends Barry a sneaky glare
      • “You better not screw this up, Barry, I’m only giving you one warning, or you’ll get frostbite in places where you really don’t want it. Iris, you call me if he messes up. Mazel tov.”
  • When Barry and Iris open wedding gifts later, they find an envelope with literally four thousand dollars in unmarked, non sequential hundred dollar bills with the note “don’t spend it all in one place ;)”
      • “p.s. don’t bother dusting for prints ;)”
    • Lisa gave Iris a beautiful gold necklace that has a huge amber crystal pendant. Iris’s thank-you note thanked her for the gift and let her know that she was sorry she had to return it to the museum.
First Time for Everything

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 2,400

Warnings: smut, language, hilarity

Summary: (inspired by this post by @missjackil ) Sam’s never had a blowjob, so you take it upon yourself to convince Sam to let you give him his first ever blowjob.

Send a message or leave a comment! Feedback is always appreciated!

Dean loved to brag. He bragged about everything, from the perfectly executed execution of the monster on their latest hunt to how many beers he’d outdrank his brother by. Usually the latter ended with him toppling onto one of the two beds, slurring his way into a sleep that would last for a good twelve hours. Sometimes he bragged about the blowjob he’d gotten from the pretty bar waitress, betting Sam that “he’d probably never gotten a better blowjob.”

And it was true.

Sam hadn’t gotten a better blowjob because he’d never even gotten a blowjob.

Keep reading

5

Hey guys! I know representation is so important in the LGBTQ+ community especially for youth so I decided to make a list of confirmed LGBTQ+ characters! Now disclaimer these are characters who’s creators have confirmed their sexuality or gender. Obviously I support you head cannoning any character as LGBTQ+ but in this list we are only talking cannon.

Asexual: Todd from Bojack Horseman is openly asexual and comes out in an emotional conversation with his supportive gf!

Gay: Eugene from Hey Arnold! Has been confirmed to be gay by the shows creators and they explain he doesn’t really know he is gay yet!

Bisexual: Marceline The Vampire Queen has been confirmed to be bisexual and her relationship with her now ex gf PB is cannon! It hasn’t been talked about on the show so it doesn’t get banned in countries where homosexuality is illegal.

Pansexual: Creators confirmed Ricks sexuality after his relationship with the hive mind unity where he seems to be sexually attracted to everyone unity is in control of.

Lesbian: This one is pretty self explanatory if you’ve seen the show but Pearl has said she was in love with Rose Quartz and show interest in other female characters.

These are a few I found, sadly I had trouble finding Trans and Non binary characters that aren’t the butt of some joke. If you know of any or any other confirmed LGBTQ+ characters please add them to this list! I’d love to see more characters like this!

Running A Clever Dungeon Room...

At any time, you can throw six orcs running down a 10-foot-wide corridor at your players’ characters.

That may be a good fight for some parties, but it’s hardly clever. If the orcs suffer ranged weapon fire, not all of them will be able to reach the PCs’ front line, and none of them will be able to reach the PCs’ back line.

A clever encounter takes advantage of the monsters’ or NPCs’ capabilities and tactics. Clever creatures should spend a lot of time thinking about how they might survive an encounter with well-armed PCs.

Six orcs parked behind cover with heavy crossbows, and a gaping pit in front of them— now that might be a challenge.

Four orcs in that situation, plus two on a ledge behind the PCs might be even better. Four orcs running from a rampaging hill giant … well, you get the idea…

Here are six general strategies for maximizing effectiveness of the monsters and NPCs you throw at your PCs.

Keep reading