iefl

I just really really really miss camp

I wish you could all experience camp. I feel like i just took a trip down a really emotional roller coaster while listening to an old camp song.

Im gonna tell you a little about it
When you get there, your really nervous. You don’t know anybody and you just have this sinking feeling that no one will like you, I know thats how I felt. Siblings had assured me that I would be fine and it would be fun. I didn’t believe a word they said- i couldn’t. I dreaded leaving with my so called “new familia” and going up the mountain

Skip ahead two days
I finally got over the embarrassment of doing stupid chants. In fact, I had lead one earlier that day. And even though I blushed horribly the entire time and you could probably barely hear me, I still couldn’t stop glowing with pride. I had done that. Me. The shy one, the one that hid behind her hair and never spoke up outside of the comfort of my own house. Just thinking about my confidence made me embarrassed again. But even crazier, these people were becoming my friends. My councilor felt like an older sister. She had surprised me by raving about Benedict Cumberbatch and I couldn’t hold in my squeal of excitement. and the other delegates weren’t what I thought they were. This was back when I didn’t know it was wrong to judge by appearance. And god did I judge them. But now I was realizing that that was stupid, and I didn’t want to be judged either. The kid I thought would be doing drugs or something horrible like that, well he tried to talk to me. In fact, he had succeeded in making me laugh. Maybe I should talk more…

Skip ahead to our last full day at camp. We’re playing ninja in the Star Room. Freezing our asses off because the AC decided we don’t need to feel our fingers. But I don’t care because I am laughing my ass off trying to avoid flying limbs. A little later we are walking back to our rooms and I yell out “IKI LA BUMBA” the girls in other rooms as well as in my familia repeat it back. “AFA LA DAFA WAFA” I say, marching to our room. They say it too, just as confident. “oomp dey ahh” i whisper. I hear their returned whispers from behind me. And then suddenly we are all waving our arms around like the drunken giraffe and honestly, is there even a better feeling in the world?

It’s closing ceremony
All the delegates are arm in arm. The parents are confused, in the center of the room, not sure how to react. Slowly we start swaying and I can feel tears in my eyes as I hold my family close. we quietly chant “We are future leaders, couldn’t be prouder. If you cant hear us we’ll shout a little louder” minutes later, not caring about what any one thinks we are yelling at the top of our lungs “WE ARE FUTURE LEADERS COULDNT BE PROUDER IF YOU CANT HEAR US WE’LL SHOUT A LITTLE LOUDER” I can’t stop smiling. I am proud. I’m crying too, I really can’t help it. What am I gonna do now? These people helped me so much, what am I gonna do with out them? They taught me to be proud. They reminded me that I am a person, not just something everyone could use and then throw away. They gave me what I needed to build the little confidence I could find. They were my friends, my sisters my brothers. They were my familia and I felt it in my heart. But I was still smiling because when they looked at me I knew they felt the same way and that somehow I had helped them too.

Camp is something you don’t expect to turn you completely upside down. But it did. I am so grateful that I went up that mountain. I think of how lucky I am to have sat through seminars after seminars because they actually taught me things. I always think back to La Luna when I feel weak. I always find myself thinking, “my famila will always be here for me. No matter what."whenever i’m halfway through an anxiety attack. Over and over I repeat "I am proud, I am proud, I am proud” because I am.

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That’s a WRAP! ITS BEEN A PLEASURE CAL STATE! THANK YOU! #CSUSBAlumni #IEFL #ETERNALFLAME

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