idk-why-i-felt-the-need-to-do-this-thing

yumicodelyoko  asked:

Alec I understand, that you felt that you need to do this. Really. But think about it from Magnus's POV. How would you feel if Magnus will do such a thing? Wouldn't you be upset? Worried? Sad? I know that you had to do this to save everyone, but... Idk, maybe Magnus feel a little bit... Betrayed? 'Cause he cares about you a lot and that is why he was yelling at you. It wasn't out of anger but out of care and fear of lossing you. You would feel similar if the situation was reversd. Talk to him

Alec - I know. We talked about it… Thank you.

You’ll admit that you were a little ashamed and embarrassed of the fact you decided to use a matching service for some quad’s day thing. It wasn’t something you were used to doing. You were sure you could meet fine trolls on your own! You were just having trouble lately… That’s what you happened to tell yourself. You arranged to meet the date at this small diner, somewhere you frequent pretty often, a casual place with nice drinks. You order a hot tea and impatiently tap your foot under the table, your hands on your drink as you hold it up to your lips, ready to sip just as a troll matching the description of your match walks in. You straighten in your seat and lean forward a bit to examine the troll. Was that them?

I couldn’t understand why I felt so trapped. Until one day, I just did. I craved for the high of doing things I shouldn’t be doing. I wanted to get black out drunk, I wanted to get high and smoke a cigarette at a party with people I didn’t like. I wanted to wear red lipstick, and date boys who were only going to break my heart- except I wouldn’t let them, because I wouldn’t love them. It was an obsession, anything that made me feel alive, I needed it.
But him.
He made me stay straight. He encouraged me to do things that were only beneficial. He saw potential in me that I sometimes didn’t want to see in myself. He pushed me to work harder. I hated it, and yet it also gave me a high of making him proud of me. I still longed for the thrill of danger, and yet, somehow, the hold he had on my heart was exciting enough for me to be content.
—  You have to bury the dark parts of yourself I suppose.