idk why this made me laugh so hard but it did

Yankity Spankity

Ok. So. I literally have no excuse for this other than the original post made me laugh so hard and my dear friend @thehexperiment is an enabler and wonderful beta. This is like, the shhitpost-iest thing I’ve ever written, and lordy, was it fun but difficult. It was inspired by a zodiac post about which line from 50 Shades you are, and I thought one sounded very nalu-esq, and then another, and another, and it turned into a challenge, I guess? So all of the following phrases can be found in this… whatever it is lol. 

Post link: http://waterjugs.tumblr.com/post/150060277835/the-signs-as-50-shades-of-grey-quotes

Lucy gets handcuffed to a street meter and let’s be real, it’s only an average day when you’re dating Natsu Dragneel in NYC. Did she mention he was a cop?

Pairing: Nalu, Fairy Tail

Words: 4148

Rating: T

Part: One Shot

Natsu was so dead.

Like, ‘Lucy would have to call Juvia and Levy to help her bury the remains of his stupidly perfect body’ dead.

“Natsu Dragneel!” Lucy screamed, metallic clacks urging on her rage as the handcuff banged around the metal of the street meter. “You get your stupid ass back here or so help me God!” She continued to screech at his retreating back. She watched as he ran faster, and blew her an apologetic kiss as he rounded a corner.

Lucy released a loud noise of anger directed at the sky. A small child looked at her with worried eyes before their mother tugged them along sharply, tapping away on her phone urgently with one hand. Lucy’s love-hate relationship with New York was leaning more into the hate aspect right now.

“Bye.” She muttered to herself, mocking Natsu’s departing squeak. “What the hell do I say to my boss. ‘Hi, sorry my piece is late, my boyfriend gently handcuffed me to a street meter and then said ‘bye’.’” Lucy hissed to herself, tugging futilely on the metal encircling her one wrist. “He’s so not getting laid for a fucking week.”

Lucy toed her bag closer, the large tote tipping on it’s side and spilling her phone onto the sidewalk, along with a tube of lip gloss, several pens, and a dog eared paperback. She bent down with a sigh, trying to kick her contents back into the canvas bag after she had retrieved her phone. She glared dangerously as she noticed a young man with blonde hair eyeing her purse, nodding to herself as she watched him shrug deeper into his grey hoodie and scurry away.

“Levy, I need you to come to the corner of twelfth and twentieth. And bring Gajeel’s spare handcuff key.” Lucy sighed heavier as she heard her friend’s baffled voice turn amused.

“Why? What did Natsu do now?”

“Guess.”

“Your boyfriend’s an idiot.” Levy chirped, background noise alerting Lucy to Levy leaving her apartment.

“You don’t know the half of it Lev,” Lucy whined, frowning as she shuffled her bag securely between her ankles, and safely protected from more threatening and broke twenty somethings. “When I woke up from a nap two days ago Natsu had managed to somehow get an orange in my mouth. A whole orange! I still don’t know how.” Lucy groaned under her breath and let her head fall forward to rest on the top of the parking meter she was now leaning on.

“… Was it a small orange?”

“Levy Ashley Mae McGarden you swore to me you would never bring that up!” Lucy banged her forehead on the unyielding metal. Her handcuffed clanked in sympathy.

“I don’t know what you mean, Lucy.” Levy hummed innocently.

“I was drunk off of that contraband vodka Cana brought us.” Lucy defended weakly. “I don’t even remember it.”

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anonymous asked:

i need advice! when my bf was in the shower i crept though his texts my searching my name in his messages. i clicked on a text where he had sent his friend a screenshot of a match he had made on tinder. his friend did laughing faces and he said "not even gonna bother", his friend then said "breaks up w/ _ (me) immediately" he said "noo lol". i just dont know what to do or why he was on tinder. i wanna confront him but idk how bc i was in the wrong for creeping through his phone. i need answers!

Ah, this is hard. I’ve personally never been in this position, so if anyone has, respond back to this and give some advice! 

But, if you do want my insight, I would probably mention it? I mean, like you said, you were in the wrong for going through his phone, Butttt I mean, his ass is on Tinder, right there is a big problem, especially if you’re in a relationship that has the title of boyfriend/girlfriend and you’re obviously exclusive. Like I said, if anyone has any tipsss! Respond back x