Mmmmmmmm question I’m nervous to ask
Okay, I’ve been thinking about this for at least a year now, but probably longer??
Ive always hated having breasts. I,,,don’t like them. I have like mid-sized breasts?? Like, they’re definitely there. They’re hard to ignore. And I really dont like them. I’ve tried using condenser bras and sports bras, which dont really help. I bound my chest for a role one time, and I felt so good. I’ve considered wearing that “binder” (it wasnt really a binder??? It was this weird shirt thing that was supposed to be like a bra but also help push your stomach in, but when I wear it backwards and fold it over twice, it flattens my chest) more often. I feel more confident in it. Sometimes I just wear it around the house when I’m alone, or I’ll make excuses to wear it. (“I’m cosplaying as a guy!”) As for my curves, I…tolerate them? I dont love them, but don’t hate them as much as I hate my chest, especially now that I’ve lost some weight.
I watched a series of videos a while back in which a genderqueer person (Ash Hardell) described their body dysphoria, and it really put into words what I was feeling.
But, I’ve taken time to question my gender, and I really dont think I’m trans. I feel like a girl, I’ve always felt like a girl. I like wearing dresses and makeup and she/her pronouns feel good. I know I’m not a guy. I’ve thought about other pronouns. He/him wouldn’t feel right. They/them, however, aren’t bad. She/her always feels good, though. But so does they/them, sometimes. Other times, it doesn’t. Some days, I really want to dress more androgynous. (Side note: the other day someone said they perceived me as androgynous which made me, someone who’s usually perceived as feminine, happier than it should have) Some days, I don’t. I’ve thought about other labels like demi-girl, but I don’t know. Something just doesn’t feel right.
I feel like a girl, but I dont at the same time. Idk what’s up. I just ???? Idk. Does anyone have any thoughts???? Bleh