idk why but this just makes me adore him even more

anonymous asked:

About Claudia I don't understand this one thing. If she was killed and Vincent too isn't it super heartless too bring her back now? Idk it feels completely selfish and I don't see why Undertaker would even make her suffer just for his own sake if he loved her???

Hey Anon :)

Well that’s the thing though! UT is 100% very desperate + sad + lonely + hurting in his feels so him wanting to bring back people he cherished (not just Claudia mind you, but also the other lockets) is 1000% a completely selfish decision (as far as we know as always, of course).

Like, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore UT, he’s endlessly fascinating and I fell in love at first sight but the more we discover about him, the more I feel that this guy is probably almost on Kelvin’s level of being a stalker, except that he isn’t sexually interested in kids (or in becoming beautiful since he’s canonly the most beautiful character lmao). 

I’m probably pushing it with the analogy but that’s on purpose, just to say that the more Yana-sensei allows us to see his true personality, the sadder and scarier it gets. 

I remember myself, one and a half year ago, thinking “yeh maybe UT is a psychopath” since, you know, the guy was laughing all.the.time and that was the only thing we ever saw about him and then…

Chapter 105 happened. And then 3 months later…

That was another arrow in the kokoro

And then, when I thought I could hardly be surprised anymore (’cause he’s my dude and I sometimes spend half my days wondering about what he could be thinking about), ch120 happened…

…Which means that we went from a creepy mortician to a homicidal maniac Shinigami to a Very Desperate and Sad Guy Who Actually Killed Himself Years Ago to him holding someone’s hand with the most peaceful expression he ever had in 24+ volumes of Kuroshitsuji.

That screams character complexity and development but also big issues in my book Anon, which is why, let’s say he’s actually trying to bring back Claudia in the current arc, it’s 100% completely selfish on his part (because he loves her and misses her, because he’s lonely, because he’s scared, because he’s getting mad….), but at this point I think he couldn’t care less and might even admit it, should someone (like Ciel) yells at him that he’s been inconsiderate and mad for a while now. 

Not that I blame him for being completely desperate: we know he killed himself even if we don’t know why + we know he deserted, probably because being a Shinigami and being forced to watch countless cinematic records only made him even more miserable, so let’s say that he actually learnt to live through meeting these people whom he cherished, then losing them to death (or worse, murder) might have been unbearable to him.

Also I don’t know if you noticed but Claudia’s locket is the most recent on his chain: out of the those 7 people, she’s the one who died last, so maybe losing her (or losing Vincent) was the trigger to the BD project and him becoming completely desperate about protecting what’s left of the family of the woman he probably loved, on top of trying to bring her (and the others) back, no matter what the cost was (even if that means indirectly killing a thousand of passengers or bleeding to death London in its integrity, assuming he’s the villain behind the current arc).

At this point, it’s obvious there is not just one factor that led UT to behaving the way he is right now, it’s an ensemble of sad things that he lived through and I really have a lot of feels for him, but yeah, if somehow he is bringing back Claudia and that he succeeds… 
Well, just poor Claudia, poor UT too (even if he’d be the guilty party behind his own misery) and poor Frances (because Claudia is her mom too). Also, that might just be wishful thinking on my part, but I think this whole tragedy of UT succeeding in bringing Claudia back even if just for a short time might be what Yana alluded at through Vincent’s words…

And all in all, it only gets sadder when you think about the choices that UT made so far because inherently yes, even if it’s completely selfish, “it was for love” (cool motive still murder.gif) but it reached such a scale that it probably won’t make Claudia happy and things just won’t get back to what they used to be (and honestly once he’ll be forced to realize that, I think that’s when UT might break down). 

……Ahem, I’m so sorry for rambling -_- You just asked about one of my fav subjects so now that I have some time, I’m just… writing a post about UT’s character from my own perspective.

Well in any case, I hope that managed to more or less answer your question. Thanks for passing by Anon! :)