idk why but it feels lame


Say ello to the new design of Deimos. 
He’s a cruel and tricksy scumbag, but is also very classy and might have a bigger soft spot than he thinks. He likes drinking wine and champagne and even my tea, and likes listening to classical/orchestrated music and old-timey tunes. Also likes pocket watches.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

The thing that has me super mad at Yousef is that he told Sana to go to her brother who was fighting other guys and she could have been really hurt if someone had thrown the wrong punch. Like why the fuck didn't Yousef go with her ? That's not the same dude who ever so gently put the carrot peeler in her hands so that she wouldn't hurt herself. This Yousef didn't care if she got hurt. And I don't like him. That feels like a bigger betrayal to me than kissing Noora. Idk why maybe I'm lame. Idk.

TRUE. i really dont get why he didnt go help the boys or went with sana or even left WITH the boys???? WHO IS YOUSEF ACAR

honeyburnt  asked:

“Can I see it? Is it beautiful?”

beautiful, no, maybe not. it isn’t expensive, impressive maybe but it’s – …it’s terribly special to me. there is a distance in her eyes and voice; a pretty sheen of far off fog that rolls in whenever she thinks of allan. she can’t hear the varsouviana though, and she supposes that must be a blessing. she hesitates a moment longer, mouth agape and eyeing the other, looking like prey. suddenly she’s turning though and with a nod, nearly imperceptible. walking to that trunk so full of everything she owns (cheap dresses, old furs, costume jewelry, things she’s like to forget, and the most precious of her things, things he’s touched), bends to rummage to the bottom of tulle and silk to produce a jewelry box. it wasn’t very expensive but then he was very young. a writer. he didn’t have much money at all, the ring is unwrapped from a kerchief. unsplendid and silver and lovely and small. the wonderful part is the inscription, you see – on the band. he wrote the poem.

“Baby Pandas” - Peter Parker x Female!Reader

Word Count: 612 (sorry it’s so short)

Warnings: Mentions that the reader is on her period; Fluff

Request: Can you do an imagine where the reader is on her period and she skipped school and just slept the whole day and Peter texted asking why she didn’t come to school and she was asleep so didn’t reply and he thought she was ignoring her lol. And then he like finds out and comforts her or something idk i feel like that was too specific but

Author’s Note: What’s up brochachos! (I’m sorry that was lame) In this imagine, it’s basically from Peter’s POV and the reader is his girlfriend so he is very worried about her (or should I say you? Lol I really gotta stop tryna be funny) Whale, I hope yall enjoy!

(Y/n) = Your name

(Y/l/n) = Your last name

Originally posted by parkerpete

*Peter’s POV*

Peter was worried. At first, he thought he was overreacting. “Maybe (Y/n) is just sick at home,” He thought to himself. But after several missed calls and 14 unread messages, Peter started to think you were in danger. You two always talked to each other and never spent a moment apart. He loved you more than anything, and when you didn’t show up to school that day, Peter’s suspicions had been confirmed: something was wrong.

As soon as school ended, Peter bolted out of the classroom and headed straight for your home. He entered your apartment complex, ran up the steps and knocked on your door. He texted May and said he was going to be home late as your mom opened the door to your apartment.

“Hey, Peter!” Your mom greeted him as she welcomed him inside.

“Hi, Mrs. (Y/l/n). Is (Y/n) here?” He asked as he stepped into your flat. She nodded and Peter walked briskly into your room. He took a deep breath and opened your bedroom door, only to see you curled up in a ball, hugging your legs as tears were streaming down your face. Peter rushed to you and pulled you into a tight embrace.

“Oh my gosh, (Y/n). Are you okay?” He asked as you buried your head into his neck. He pulled away and placed his hands on the side of your face. “What happened?”

*Your POV*

You took a few deep breaths as he wiped the tears from your cheek.

“I just… I have the worst cramps like ever and I was watching these youtube videos,” you started to ramble as you gestured towards your phone. “I came across this cute little video of a baby panda and it sneezed and I realized that I wanted a baby panda… but I-I just need one and I can’t have one!”

Peter stared at you with a blank expression. “Wait, so that’s why you were upset?”

“Yes, Peter! I need that baby panda!!”

Peter chuckled and kissed your soft lips. “God, I love you so much. You are insane,” he whispered and pressed his forehead against yours.

“Yeah, it’s that time of the month if you can’t tell. Which means extra crazy and emotional girlfriend for 4 to 7 more days,” You said in a sarcastic tone and winked. Peter laughed and got up off your bed.

“Wait, where ya going?” You asked as he reached for the door knob.

“I’ll be right back, I just have to grab a few things,” Peter said as he flung the door open and sprinted out of the room. You sat on your bed, not knowing what your dorky ass boyfriend was up to.

Twenty minutes later, Peter stormed into your room. “Surprise!” He rejoiced, tossing fuzzy blankets and a pack of Mega Stuf Oreos onto your bed. You smiled as he walked over to your TV and inserted a DVD into the DVD player. He then proceeded to plop onto your bed and spread a blanket across the both of you.

“What are we watching?” You asked with a giant grin on your face.

Empire Strikes Back!” Peter cocked an eyebrow as the movie started to play.

You laughed and rested your head on his chest.

“I love you, dork,” Peter said as he kissed the top of your head, running his fingers up and down your arms.

“I love you too, Bug Boy.”

Peter’s head shot up and he looked down at you. “Wait, what did you just call me?”

“Look it’s R2D2!!” You interjected, pointing at the TV screen. Peter brushed it off and continued to watch the movie.

Quick note: It is actually called Mega Stuf Oreos, trust me I googled it and found out my entire life has been a lie



@that-sokovian-bastard @winteriscomingidjits @love-allthingsmarvel

@rejectedmarvel @theflameofdeath @jinxed-writing @itsemmyb 

@tiaissoawkward @satanandblade @princess-spidergwen

@books-blog-and-other-stuff @queenmira29 @collect-happiness 

@peterparkerimagine @tatortot2701 @kotoriotp

TAGGED BY:  @yosanoaikiko
TAGGING: whoever wants to, idk why i have such a thing about tagging people but i do rip

RULES: You can only say guilty or innocent. you are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you or asks you.

.asked someone to marry you: Guilty
.kissed one of your friends: Innocent
.danced on a table in a bar or tavern: Innocent
.ever told a lie: Guilty
.had feelings for someone whom you can’t have: Guilty
.ever kissed someone of the opposite sex: Guilty
.ever kissed someone of the same sex: Innocent
.kissed a picture: Guilty
.slept in until 5pm: Innocent
.fallen asleep at work or school: Guilty
.held a snake: Guilty
.been suspended from school: Innocent 
.stolen something: Guilty
.done something you regret: Guilty
.laughed until what you were drinking came out of your nose: Guilty
.caught a snowflake on your tongue: Guilty
.sat on a roof top: Guilty
.sang in the shower: Guilty
.been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on: Innocent
.slept naked: Innocent
.made a boy friend/girl friend cry: Innocent
.been in a band: Innocent
.shot a gun: Innocent
.donated blood: Innocent
.eaten alligator meat: Innocent
.eaten cheesecake: Guilty
.still loved someone you shouldn’t: Innocent
.have/had a tattoo: Innocent
.been too honest: Guilty
.ruined a surprise: Guilty
.ate in a restaurant and got so bloated you can’t walk after: Innocent
.erased someone in your friends list: Guilty
.dressed in a man’s clothes: Guilty
.dressed in a woman’s clothes: Guilty
.joined a pageant: Innocent
.been told you’re beautiful by someone who meant it: Guilty
.still have communication with your ex: Innocent
.cheated on someone: Innocent
.got totally drunk the night before an important exam: Innocent
.a total stranger treated you by paying your fare: Innocent
.got so angry that you cried: Guilty
.tried to stay away from someone for their own good: Guilty
.actually murdered someone: Innocent
.thought about mass murder: Guilty
.actually committed a mass murder: Innocent
.rode in a stranger’s vehicle: Innocent
.stalked someone: Innocent
.had a girlfriend: Innocent
.had a boyfriend: Guilty
.totally drunk during a holiday: Innocent

i soah a post saying “why didn’t tony get mad at natasha too cause she knew bucky had killed his parents before steve” and referenced the last scene in catws when she’s like “you might not wanna pull at that thread” - which like yeah who cares maybe she did know maybe she didnt, but for me overall like??? why do we feel the need to blame someone for not telling tony??

when would steve have told him? when does that come up and why would it ever need to come up ?? like idk it’s a weird situation and i really don’t know why steve would’ve told him and why tony wouldn’t have already known, if my parents died i’d be checking the files to see wtf happened like it wasn’t a big secret esp since natasha spilled every Shield/hydra shits on twitter or whatever, idk it was lame for him to throw that tiddy baby fit anyway but being mad at steve for not telling him is weak

Seventeen’s Reaction to Being on A Long Flight With Their Crush!

“How would SEVENTEEN react to having to go on a 12h fly with their crush ? How would they act on the plane ? Thanks ! I love your work ✈” - anon

A/N; wow I haven’t posted a reaction in a while I’ve been so busy please forgive me;;  I got so carried away with these lmao hope you all enjoy!!

S.Coups - Ahhh Seungcheol would be smooth. He’d be a bit nervous but it definitely wouldn’t show. He’d realize there’s not much else to do but talk so he’d just make general conversation and then a bit later he’d start asking deeper questions, and by the end of the flight u 2 would know everything abt each other. do you kno the exact time he was born? yup. do you know what brand of cereal he loves? yes u do. when you guys landed he’d be like “wow, that went by so fast” and then he’d nonchalantly ask u for ur number and do you give it to him? of course you do. he knows everything abt u now.

Jeonghan - He wouldn’t really know how to start a conversation but he’d really want to so he’d just keep stealing glances at you and at one point you’d catch him and be like ??? and he’d just say “oh I’m just looking out the window!” and he’d make some comment about how pretty the sky looked or smthn like that and would keep the convo going!! if u guys hit it off, at the end of the flight when u guys were saying bye he’d be like “oh btw, I wasn’t looking out the window. I was looking at you. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you ;)” and would walk away probably leaving u very flustered haH

Joshua - HED BE SO NERVOUS but he definitely wouldn’t be shy??? like he’d definitely want to talk to you but because he’s nervous he’s gonna end up saying some really stupid things and making dad jokes and just being a meme & if you laughed at any of his jokes he’d get so flustered ahhh. eventually he’d realize he’s freaking out for no reason cuz ur actually super easy to get along with and would totally calm down. josh would probably ask u about why you were going wherever u guys were flying to and would try really hard to think of topics that would be interesting to you and he’d probably end up accidentally complimenting you and he’d be like “OH I didn’t mean that!! I mean….I did….but I didn’t mean to say it out loud..” he’d BLUSH SO BAD but you’d be like “dude its ok I think ur cute too” or whatever and he’d be sO giddy the rest of the flight and would make u promise to call him after u guys landed ;^)))

Jun - I bet ur all expecting him to be greasy. you’re right. once the flight takes off, he’ll look at you and the first thing he’ll say is “this is a really long flight, and I know sleeping can be kinda uncomfortable in a plane, so you can rest your head on my shoulder any time ;)))” I don’t think he’d talk to u a whole bunch?? he’d make general conversation and would keep it going, but wouldn’t want to go overboard or annoy u or anything. at one point u would actually end up falling asleep on his shoulder and he’d BE SO SMUG but he’d also be a blushing mess & would probs rest his head on top of yours I’m :’)))))))

Hoshi - this lil’ muffin is gonna be so excited omg, he’d be so fun to be on a long plane ride!!! he’d come up with a lot of different games to play to pass the time like truth or dare. he’d come up with an extremely embarrassing punishment for when either of you guys would refuse to do a dare or answer a truth like “loser has to ask 10 different people on the flight to makeout with them” or something awful like that. once he noticed u felt comfortable around him and maybe showed interest in him he’d be like “this is my chance” and he’d ask u truth or dare and you’d pick dare and he’d “I dare you to go on a date with me” AND U’D BE LIKE ‘HOSHI WHAT’ and he’d say “it’s a date with me or you’re making out with that old man that’s been coughing and sneezing for the past 6 hours!!!!” and ofc you’d accept and yeah!!!

Wonwoo - I think he’d be rly shy. like rly shy he wouldn’t want to embarrass himself in front of u so he’d keep quiet in the beginning. eventually he’d notice what song u were listening to or what book u were reading and he’d just go for it and strike up a conversation abt it. once that convo died down he wouldn’t know what else to talk about so he’d let you go back to whatever it was u were doing. he’d notice you were looking cold and would offer to share his blanket with you, and you’d both be so cozy and end up dozing off and you’d REST YOUR HEAD ON HIS SHOULDER AND HE’D JOLT AWAKE SUDDENLY LIKE!!!! THIS IS HAPPENING!!!! he’d end up staying awake the whole time and when you’d wake up he’d be like “did you enjoy your rest?” with a cute lil smile on his face AAAAAHHHHH

Woozi - he’d like….just assume you wouldn’t want to talk to him or would want to be left alone for whatever reason so he’d just smile at you once then put his headphones on and listen to music and just mind his own business until he feels a tap on his shoulder and ur like “i have to go to the bathroom” but he doesn’t hear you cause his music is too loud and he says a little too loudly “hold on” + pauses his music and then he apologizes and u repeat urself and he’s like OH OK and gets out of his seat to let you out and he sits back down and doesn’t put his headphones back on so he can hear u when u come back & when you do he gets up and smiles at u, sits back down and still doesn’t put his headphones on….he notices you’re not doing anything either cause u lowkey want to talk to him too so he’s just like alrighty and finally strikes up a convo w/ you!! ur gonna hit it off really well and ur both gonna leave w/ each others numbers ;))

DK - sunshine boy is gonna make sure this flight goes GR8 for the both of you. he’ll bring some snacks on the plane and will offer to share them with you. will offer to share his blanket even if you have ur own. he’s gonna make a bunch of jokes and u bet ur stomach is gonna hurt from laughing by the time you land!! at one point he’ll offer u one of his earbuds and hands u his phone and’s like “pick a song, any song!” and ur scrolling through and you see one you love and you’re like “WOAH you like this song too??” and hes like “Uh, YEAH! One of my faves!” and then u just go back and forth playing songs you both like and getting excited when the other really likes it too and tbh ur both gonna be really sad when the flight’s over cause!! you’re having such a good time!! he’d be like “hey…I know we don’t talk that often back home but like…we should hangout sometime!” and YOU WILL AND!!!! GOOD!!!

Mingyu - I can see him being really dorky tbh. he’s gonna keep cracking lame jokes trying to get u to laugh, and every time you do laugh, that’s just gonna build his confidence even more. at one point you’d actually laugh rly hard at something he said and he’d just be like “…do you actually think i’m funny or are u just laughing cause u feel bad for me?” and you’d be like wtf ofc I think you’re funny!! why would I feel bad for you? and he’d be like “idk cause i’m just saying all of this stupid stuff and saying dumb jokes cause idk how else to talk to you” and he’d instantly think “why did I just say that omg” but you’d be like “mingyu… can talk to me about anything, I don’t care.” and you’d smile and he’d be like !!!!! wow ok and he’d “so, how about the weather?” and you’d both look at each other and just laugh again :)))

The8 - this lil guy would be so nervous!! he’d be like “oh great, how am I going to embarrass myself??” he’d be in the middle of thinking abt it when you’d ask him a question and he’d turn to you with wide eyes and be like “what??” and you’d repeat yourself and he’d answer whatever question it was and then he’d think to himself “wtf was I so worried for? they’re so friendly!!!” and he’d ask you a question too and you guys would just go back and forth getting to know each other better and he’d notice u looked kinda tired so he’d feel bad and be like “omg I’m sorry if I’m being annoying, you can go to sleep if you want” and you’d say “no its okay, I enjoy having someone to talk to on such a long flight….but I am pretty tired.” and you’d just smile at each other and u’d doze off eventually and he’d take the blanket he had and cover u up with it and just look at u so lovingly like..”they look like such an angel when they’re asleep” and he’d sigh happily cause hes so happy that he got to sit next to u and get to know u <333

Seungkwan - he’s gonna start off calm..he’ll be thinking to himself like “ok seungkwan..there’s nothing to be afraid of….it’s just the person you like….no big deal…you got this” BUT then as soon as you say something to him he’ll lose that cool composure and kinda tense up but still manage to make awkward conversation with you but you’d notice him fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt and avoiding eye contact with u and u’d be like “hey..are you alright?” and he’d be like “oh yeah! I’m just nervous” and he’d mean he was nervous cause he was sitting next to u but u would think he meant he was nervous to be on the plane. and I think a few more hours into the flight he would definitely loosen up and be like “the flight isn’t even half over I need to stop acting like this” and OUT COMES NORMAL BOO. he’s gonna make some jokes and just be a lil cutie pie but then he’ll accidentally insult u and he’d be realize what he just said and would FREAK OUT AND be like ‘oh my god no I didn’t meant that at all I’m so sorry I mean that you’re really pretty/handsome and I totally think we should hangout!!!” and then after he said that he’d be like oh my god why do I keep embarrassing myself but you’d be like “no its ok I know you were kidding. but yeah we should, I think that’d be fun :)” and he’d be such a happy lil guy ;;

Vernon - GOD THIS KID IS GONNA BE AWKWARD AF??? like you’ll be sitting next to each other and he’ll go to rest his arm on the armrest and his arm will brush against yours and he’ll just SNAP his arm away so quick with wide eyes and utter a “sorry” and you’d be like ??? it’s fine Vernon? but then like hours into the flight you guys still won’t have talked much and ur both watching whatever movie the airline is playing and you’d turn to him and be like “dude. what’s happening i’m so lost” and he’ll explain it super in depth and give u a whole bunch of crazy theories abt what could be really going on and you’d be like where the heck is all of this talking coming from but then by the time he’d explained all of his theories the movie would be way over and u two would just laugh and he’d be like “wow i’m sorry. I just get really into movies like that I hope you don’t think i’m crazy…” but you would be like “no that is actually super interesting!!” and then u two would continue talking about other movie theories and just get into weird random super deep conversations and it would be really enjoyable tbh!!

Dino - omg he’d walk up see you sitting down and would be like “oh hey y/n!!” like I honestly see him being pretty normal??? he may be a little shy but like oh well. why be shy when ur gonna have to be on this flight together for the next twelve hours?? he’d also be really cute tho like he’d want to make sure u were totally comfortable and be like “hey I’m gonna ask for a pillow, do u want one too?” or “do you want a bottle of water or anything to eat? i’m gonna ask the attendant for some water so I can ask for something for you too!!” he’d have just normal convos with u but would also probably suggest that you play truth or dare or I spy or smthn to pass the time!! But he’d be the one to fall asleep on your shoulder. like you’d be minding ur own business and suddenly you feel a weight on your shoulder and you’re like ?? and u see chan with his eyes closed resting his head on ur shoulder and it would be the most wholesome sight ever. <3


anonymous asked:

nips are such an overlooked and underrated erogenous zone. if a person's horny enough it's actually possible to orgasm just from having one's nips played with. isn't that some crazy shit? i've actually done that a couple of times. it's hard to do, but i bet salamander man's got it down to a fucking art. imagine sal torturing his partner like that, or even himself. leaking precum like a fountain, arousal growing so great your body literally just can't take it anymore... nyess.

I call it the noppler effect cause A) I’m a lame ass nerd and B) I can. And yes! Idk why but I feel like Sal not only loves nipple play but he likes to tease partners with it then run away just before they come. I’m thinking he could tease Frank some day when he’s making a vidya.

Maybe Sal is bored and just comes up behind Frank and grabs his chest from behind? I wanna write it. I’ve been kinda inspiration less for the last few days between another fandom and the song dropping and thinking about YouTube bs.

The noppler effect will hopefully break me out of it

anonymous asked:

why would you think you would get none!! i'd ask you a thousand questions if i could. ok, if zombies attacked right now, tell me what you would grab, where you'd go, and what your gameplan would be

idk man!!!! i’m kind of a Big Lame so i feel like ppl aren’t interested in knowing about me…. but wow thank u..also good question!! i’d definitely grab the crossbow we have in storage, at least one knife and some kind of blunt weapon. obv i’d grab some food and water, some first aid stuff. at least one extra pair of clothes and i’d change into something protective but also easy to move in. where i’d go?? hm…i don’t know. see, i fantasize about the zombie apocalypse A LOT, because i’m that asshole…. and i’ve always thought i would probably just, always be moving? i don’t think i’d stay in one place for too long. that never ends well lol,, though i would try to go to someplace i could find better weapons. one gun at least and i’d want to find a sword, preferably a katana. this ties in with a game plan.. if i ever did decide to hunker down someplace, i’ve always thought building some kind of treehouse would be the best bet. unless zombies fucking learn how to climb, then i’m fucked. 


Taehyung X everybody

VMon - featuring a cool yet secretly protective Monster and an out of this world muffin.

Alright so here’s my view on VMon. For starters I won’t classify them as Brotp. I mean yeah they obviously care for each other like how brothers would but I think their relationship is deeper than that?

It’s kind of like Namjoon is comfortably enough with Tae for him to treat him like a same age friend. Remember that time JHope cracked a lame ass joke and Tae asked if he still wanted his respect? Then Joon was all laughs when he said he wanted to be respected. Idk why this made my heart flutter. Usually in Korea, it’s a given that you must respect your elders but I got the feeling that the two have mutual respect for each other. It isn’t based on hierarchy. Ya get what I mean? Hahahahaha

Also, in an interview Joon said that Tae was the one he secretly cared for the most. Like AGSJFJAKLALDGJS how cute can they get?!

So yeah. It’s short because I don’t wanna bore you guys but if I feel up to it, I might just go in depth for all mah VMon shippers :)

reserve  asked:

idk why but i love when you talk about your ex-wife. like, i don't knows the circumstances, or if it's a nickname, or whatever, but i love it.

thank you!!!! thank you actually!!!!! im sorry i just feel like im being really annoying about this but let me tell you that she divorced me one fine sunny january afternoon in class because i told her a lame pun AND SHE CANT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THE PUN WAS she does not remember, i do not remember, she said it was a long time coming but i think it was just a really bad pun okay but okay okay you know what what really smarts about this divorce what really gets my metaphorical goat IS ITS THIS OKAY right its this its that she still TRIES TO BREAK UP WITH ME even if were divorced right im like no. No. you do Not. No Honey That Metaphorical Shi p Has Gone Off The  Metaphorical Waterfall Edge of Destiny YOU DIVORCE A PERSON ONCE AND THEN ITS OVER THATS WHY ITS A DIVORCE i do Not care how mad you are that i told another really lame joke YOU CANT BREAK UP WITH ME YOUR SENTIMENT MEANS NOTHING BECAUSE OUR MARRIAGE IS NOTHING GAAAAAAAAH

Joshua as a Boyfriend

Time for our sweet gentleman Jisoo 

  • Literally one of the sweetest boyfriends ever 
  • treats you like a princess 
  • he is such a gentleman 
  • like you didn’t think boys like him existed anymore but here is 
  • this boy would shower you with love and affection 
  • surprising you with flowers 
  • sweet dinner dates 
  • moonlight walks 
  • long talks 
  • he loves your eyes 
  • whenever you talk his full attention is on you 
  • his eyes looking directly in yours 
  • but at the same time he is one of the biggest dorks ever 
  • He would constantly tell you lame jokes 
  • jokes that are so bad they are funny 
  • “why’d the mushroom go to the party”  “IDK why josh”  “because he was a fungi” XD
  • cuddled together Anime Marathons
  • Anime arguments 
  • “No Death Note is better because……..” 
  • catching him staring at you 
  • “what is it Josh”  “nothing your just…”
  • Teaching you to play guitar 
  • him serenading you 
  • singing you to sleep while your laying in bed at night 
  • he loves spending rainy days with you 
  • on rainy days you two just kinda chill together doing whatever you feel like 
  • sweet cheek pecks 
  • listening to him sing Sunday Morning 
  • or the two of you singing it together 
  • your relationship is just very chill, and cute, almost like a movie 


What look are you referencing?

i dont know how to describe it!! but hes got this Look. I DONT KNOW i feel like his proportions are really specific and i cant get it righttttttttttttt look at him

when i try to draw him i struggle with drawing his clothes the most, idk how to make them look right on him even having pics as reference. IDK WHY IM GETTING ALL PERFECTIONIST WITH HIS DESIGN ITS SUPER LAME AND HES HARD TO DRAW

Insecure (Derek Luh)

Request: can you please do an imagine where y/n is insecure about her weight and acne and derek makes her feel better about it??? idk if i have ever requested anything from you before but just thanksssss

(A/N: Derek is getting a lot of love lately lmao. And that’s good bc he’s going through a lot and it makes me happy to see so many people willing to support him 😊. But anyway, sorry if this is short and lame.)

I sigh as I stare at my reflection in the mirror, I hate what I see. Lately, I’ve been stressing with school and work and it’s causing me to eat a lot and break out.

Why can’t I just be happy in my own skin? Why do I hate to look in the mirror? Well, I actually know the answers to these questions, it’s because when I look in the mirror, I see a failure.

All my life, I had struggled with my weight. Until sophomore year in high school, I decided to change. I lost a ton of weight and I had never been so happy in my entire life. I felt as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, literally.

I was doing well until a few months ago, I’m now in my third year of college and I’ve been studying and stressing about my upcoming exam non stop. I also picked up a job at the mall, working in Victoria’s Secret and now that the holiday season is coming up, I have to work there and in Macy’s.

All on top of that, I still have to do Christmas shopping for my family and my boyfriend, who is constantly in the studio trying to provide for himself and I.

My hair is shedding, my skin is breaking out and the last time I went to the doctor, I had gained 35 pounds in four months and I’ve fucking had it.

I feel the sudden urge to just break down and cry, I try to fight it but it’s not allowing me to resist and I give in, allowing strings of tears to trail down my cheeks. I bury my head in my arms as I bend over the sink and let out all of my frustration.

I can’t help but to think of Derek, when we had gotten together, I was thin. Now here I stand, my stomach hanging over my pants and my thighs rubbing together all day, causing chaffing and causing me to burn a hole in my pants.

What must he think of me? He probably sees other girls when he’s not with me to get what he doesn’t have at home. These thoughts cause me to cry even harder.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” I hear a voice say. I turn to see Derek standing in the doorway.

“Everything. I’m stressed out over work and school, and I’m breaking out. And on top of all that, I’m getting fat again” I sob. Derek walks closer and wraps his arms around me.

“There’s nothing wrong with you mami” he softly whispers, “just calm down, breathe.” He rubs my back as I gasp in breath.

After a few minutes of him holding me, I calm down.

“Now, let’s go sit down and you can calmly explain what’s bothering you, okay?” I nod and we make our way to the bedroom and I sit down on the edge of the bed as Derek kneels in front of me on the floor. He nods for me to explain.

“Lately, I’ve been stressing over my exams. I’m scared that I’ll do bad on them. And I’m stressing over my job too, my boss has me working double shifts because of the holidays and I still have to shop for everyone. The stress is making me break out and gain weight. I’ve gained 35 fucking pounds since my last check up for fucks sake.” I say beginning to cry again.

“Shh… Baby look at me.” He takes my face into his hands.
“There isn’t a single thing wrong with your body and I understand the stress you’re going through, you’re gonna do fine on your exams. You’re so smart, you’re gonna do more than fine actually. I don’t have a problem with your weight but, if it will make you happy, we can hit the gym together.” He consoles me.

“That’s the problem, I don’t have enough time for a gym, I have to work.” I complain.

“You don’t have to work, you can quit. My last album sold over 500,000 copies in the last five months it’s been out. We’re getting paid baby!” He exclaims in utter happiness causing my jaw to drop.

“What? When did you find out? Why didn’t you tell me?” I question.

“I just found out today. My manager kept it a secret so that he could let me know about it as a Christmas gift. And since it went so well, and we’re getting so much money, I’ve got the holidays off. And so should you.” He smiles at me.

“I don’t know what to say.” I’m astonished.
“Say to your boss ‘I quit’” he laughs and I join him.

“Baby I’m so happy for you, you deserve this” I wrap my arms around him and he does the same.

“Us baby. And now that you don’t have to work, we can deal with your little problem okay? It’s all gonna be okay, I promise.” He smiles into my neck. I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend.

I know that one day I’m going to forget you. I know that one day I’m going to meet so many interesting people & I’m going to fall in love. I’m not going to care about you anymore but I don’t understand why you have so many ways of randomly showing back up in my head. What I do know, is that I miss you so much it hurts. I want you but I’ll never have you. One day I’ll feel whole again, you’ll no longer make me feel empty.
—  Halleydoedog