idk whats happening to your thing

Bumpy Night - Simon

Anonymous said to simplysdmn: (Request) after upload the boys see a young fan outside that doesn’t have a way home and they offer him their phone to call someone and wait with him. His older sister collects him and to the boys’ surprise she isn’t interested in them at all and simon likes her sassyness in not caring about youtube and all its drama and there’s a little bit of sexual tension and then they bump into eachother at a nighclub drunk sometime and you can decide what happens there yourself ;) the longer the better ty

A/N: Hey love I hope you like this! (I’m so sorry about the ending, idk how to make things smutty without making it cringe)

Glossary: Y/F/N - Your Friend’s Name


Simon’s POV

On our way out to get our lifts home there was a little boy that looked lost, confused and upset. He wasn’t the only kid there, a lot of the others ran towards us but he paid no attention to the hustle and just continued to look around as if he was waiting for someone. I took pictures with the kids and walked over to the boy just to see if he was ok. When I tapped his shoulder he jumped out of shock and started laughing when he saw me.

“Oh my God, you scared me!” He clutched his chest in laughter.

“I’m sorry, you alright?” I smiled at him, giving him a hug.

“Yeah! I’m fine, what about you?”

“I’m good, did you enjoy yourself today?” 

“Yes! Today was amazing! I’m just waiting for my sister, she’s running a little late, I’m a bit worried.” His eyes flicked back to the road where the cars were passing by.

“Don’t worry about it. Do you want me to call her?” He nodded. I unlocked my phone and clicked on the calling app handing him the phone. He looked into the sky for a bit before typing in a phone number. 

“Hello? Y/N, it’s me.” He looked relieved when she answered.

“Where are you?” He nodded and hummed, a little smile forming on his lips.

“Oh, it’s Simon’s phone! Simon as in Miniminter!” He looked up at and smiled to only a have a frown smile on his face shortly after.

 “Y/N, they’re not stupid, I’ve told you this already.” He rolled his eyes and looked back at the other guys and talked to her a bit more before hanging up and handing me back my phone.

“Thank you! She said she’ll be here in 15 or 20 minutes!” He stretched his arms to give me a hug, leaving both us with big smiles.

“Did you get to meet us today?” He shook his head.

“The lines were very long but I did enjoy the panels and the game rooms. I had lots of fun with them.” He smiled.

“Would you like to meet the boys?” 

“Really? Are you being serious?” 

“Yes, come one!” I lead him over to the boys and introduced him to them and told them the story. We stayed talking for about 20 minutes before I saw a girl walking towards us. She looked beautiful. 

She caught most of the guys’ attention. I didn’t even notice the frown on her face, I could tell she was pissed. She checked her phone briefly and continued to march in our direction. Her hair flew in the wind with her as she came towards us.

“So, where’s my brother?” She scowled at us, looking at her surrounding before staring at all of us.

“I’m here, no need to be rude, Y/N.” Her brother said walking to her giving her a hug, making her smile for a couple of seconds.

“You alright? They didn’t hurt you, did they?” She glared at us before returning her gaze to her brother.

“Nope, I had a good day, they wouldn’t leave until you came to get me.” She scoffed and took his hand.

“Good for them, let’s go into town and get something to eat, yeah?” 

“Yes! Nando’s!” She laughed.

“Always, let’s get the bus quick.” She started walking towards the main road completely dismissing us.

“Wait, we’ve got to say bye first.” She rolled her eyes, letting go of his hand so he could run back to us.

“I’m sorry about her, she doesn’t like you guys very much.”

“That’s ok, a lot of people don’t.” He smiled, giving us all hugs and bid us goodbye.


Y/N’s POV

I slipped into my shoes and said goodbye to everyone before driving off to the club with my friends. In all honesty, I didn’t even want to go. Clubbing and partying wasn’t really my scene but I had to go since my friends said that spending time inside isn’t good for my health. I obviously argued but they got their way, unfortunately. 

I was beginning to turning my feelings around and be completely ok with it but it wasn’t until I saw some of the guys that my brother was around earlier. I stopped in my tracks and turned around and headed back to the car.

“Y/N? Where are you going?” My friend called out for me.

“To the car.” I gritted my teeth.

“Why?”

“Because I dislike everyone that’s in the there.”

“This is why I wouldn’t tell you who was going to be there.” She rolled her eyes, pulling me into the building. 

She was instantly recognized by a lot of the people that were there. While she was talking to her friends, I ran towards the bar and ordered a drink. Once I got my drink, I sat there and scrolled through Twitter to keep myself entertained and that didn’t go on for long until she found me.  As expected I got given out to resulting in me rolling my eyes at her. 

“If you dance with me at least once, I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the night and give you the car keys so you can chill in there if you get annoyed in here.” I agreed and let her drag me to the dance floor and spontaneously our favourite song started playing.

“I know you only played this so you could get me to dance and I hate you for it.” I laughed as we danced. One song turned into two and then three. On our fifth song, we were completely knackered and decided to get drinks and Y/F/N decided to bring her friends with her of course.

I sat at the bar once more, isolating myself from whatever they were doing and ordered what I drank previously. Laughter erupted at the far end of the bar where they all were. I wanted to walk over to them but I didn’t want o get involved with them.

“Why are you by yourself?” I jumped at the loud voice that had been talking in my ear, almost slapping them across the face.

“Oh my God, you can’t just scare someone like that,” I yelled at the person, realizing it was Simon from earlier.

“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d hear it over the music.” He smiled at me almost making me weak at my knees.

“Yeah, whatever.” I rolled my eyes turning away from him.

“Do you want another drink?” He nodded to my empty glass.

“Why are you even bothered with me? I was so rude to you earlier, why are you even talking to me?” I questioned him, squinting my eyes to let him know I was serious.

“You intrigued me today, you didn’t even care who we were, you just wanted to get your brother home and that kind of put me off. I don’t know, it was so weird to me.” His eyes locked with my own like he was looking for something.

“I don’t know to say.” I shied away from his stare.

“You don’t have to say anything. Instead of making it awkward introduce you to me, tell me about yourself.”


From there that night was filled with all kinds of laughter and smiles. There wasn’t a dead end to any conversation but some of them did lead to some very weird conversations but the one we ended up having towards the very end was something else.

“On a scale of 1-10, how good are in bed?” I slurred slightly.

“I don’t want to brag but a 10.” He smirked at me edging closer to me.

“Oh really? How do you intend to do that Mr Minter?” 

“If you let me take you home I could show you.” His hand was now on my upper thigh, dangerously edging closer and closer. My body shifted to the movement of his hand.

“Well, I don’t know what we’re waiting for.” I got out of my seat and let him lead the way to his car, which lead to a very bumpy night.

“What if I didn’t stop you? That day you came to my house?”
“I don’t know? I probably would’ve left thinking I wished you would’ve stopped me.”
“So we wouldn’t have happened.”
“Oh I’m sure I would’ve found an excuse. Hana stop with what ifs, I’m tired. Go to bed.”
“There’s tons of what ifs.”
“Well, things happened this way. No use thinking of what could have happened. Those thoughts are infinite.”
“So why me?”
She sighed.

Fanon Lotor be like

i am not even sorry just take this

After a while, you stop worrying about what people think of you. You realize that the most important thing is how you feel about yourself and other people’s opinions begin to fade from the back of your mind. It’s not easy, and it takes a while, but once it happens, it’s liberating.
—  (via fraagmented)
Masterpost: Islamic Concepts, Words & Phrases!

So, as promised, here’s the masterpost of the different, most common, types of concepts, words and phrases that we, as Muslims, use in our day to day speak, and perform on the daily. The reason for this masterpost is so that, if and when Season 4 airs, and if it is about Sana, then most likely, these words and phrases, or concepts, may be commonly used/addressed, so it’s always nice to just, have a reference, I guess, of their meaning, so that you can understand the context and definition a little better! 

CONCEPTS.

Islam: The word “Islam” in itself means to submit, to surrender - to give yourself over to Allah, to feel the peace that giving yourself over to Allah brings to you.

Allah: The Arabic word for God.

Muhammad (sal’lalaahu alayhi wasalam): The final prophet sent down by Allah to mankind, with the religion of Islam. (sal’lalaahu alayhi wasalam), or sometimes seen as Muhammad (SAW) means ‘peace be upon him’, which you’ll sometimes see as Muhammad (PBUH). It is an extension we add on to the name Muhammad, whenever the prophet Muhammad (SAW) is being referred to, out of respect.

“The 5 Pillars of Islam”: These are, in essence, the 5 core aspects of Islam, that every Muslim must believe in, and do to their full potential, unless it is detrimental to their health, or they are unable to do so due to a lack of wealth:

  • Shahaadah - This is the very core belief of a Muslim. They “must testify and bear witness that there is no deity but Allah, and that Muhammad (SAW) is his worshipper and messenger.”
  • Salah - The 5 daily prayers, which must be read. These are Fajr (the prayer we read before sunrise), Zauhar (the midday prayer), Asr (the late afternoon prayer), Maghrib (the prayer we read before sunset) and Isha (the night prayer). Each of these prayers are signalled when the Adhaan (the call to prayer) is heard, and before performing these prayers, Wudhu (ablution) must be made.
  • Zakah - Alms, charity. Every year, we must take a portion of money out from our combined wealth that we own to give to charity to the poor and needy. Of course, to do that, Islam sets certain rules on how much wealth you must have in order to classify if whether you are in a position where you can give charity or not.
  • Sawm -  Fasting in the month of Ramadhan. Ramadhan is the 9th month of the Islamic calendar, whereby the start and the end of it is marked by the sighting of the crescent moon. During Ramadhan, Muslims all over the world must fast from sunrise to sunset, abstaining from food, water, sex and sin. They must instead increase their worshipping of Allah, by performing Salah and increasing their Tilaawat (reading of the Qur’aan), Tasbeeh (praising of Allah) and indulge themselves as much as they can within Islam. Suhoor (morning meal) is the meal we eat before sunrise happens, kind of like a breakfast, before we begin our fast for the day, and Iftaar (evening meal) is the meal we eat to break our fast, just as sunset is about to occur. Taraweeh is an additional compulsory Salah that Muslims must pray in Ramadhan (since this Salah is only read during Ramadhan, and in no other month beside it) after the Isha Salah. The end of Ramadhan is marked with Eid ul Fitr, the first of our 2 Eids that we have within the year, a celebration! The fasts in Ramadhan are only compulsory on people that are physically and mentally healthy enough to do them. 
  • Hajj - The 5 day sacred pilgrimage that takes place in the final month of the Islamic calendar, once a year. Muslims all over the world travel to Saudi Arabia, more specifically, Makkah and the surrounding cities near it, to perform their Hajj. Only those that are physically and mentally healthy, and that can afford the Hajj, will find it compulsory on them to do so. Our 2nd Eid, Eid ul Adha is celebrated on the 3rd day of Hajj, by remembering the sacrifice that the Prophets Ibrahim (Abraham) and his son, Ismail (Ishmael) were to make. 

Qur’aan: The Holy Book of Islam. It is considered to be Allah’s final word, and the final, unchanged Holy Book that was sent down via Angel Jibra’eel (Angel Gabriel) to the Prophet Muhammad (SAW). 

Hadeeth: The teachings and sayings of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) that were reported by his close family and friends.

Sunnah: The beloved actions of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) that were reported by his close family and friends.

Shari’ah Law: The Islamic ruling. Any Muslim country will most likely be governed by the Shari’ah Law. However, its not just people living in a Muslim state that must abide by the Shari’ah Law. Muslims all over the world must try their best to abide by it too. The Shari’ah Law is based upon the teachings of the Qur’aan, which hold the most weight in Islam, with a little understanding from the Hadeeth and Sunnah, in terms of how to apply these Laws.

Jihad: The word itself means to struggle, to battle. There are 2 types:

  • Jihad Kabeera: The Greater Struggle/Battle - this is the one we as Muslims face on a daily basis, within ourselves, to better ourselves as believers of Allah, to always do the right thing by Islam, which is something that affects us on a daily basis, especially if we live in the West, since we face the battle of living in the Western society, as well as being Muslims, and choosing to do the right thing. 
  • Jihad Sagheera: The Lesser Struggle/Battle - this is the one where we proactively, as Muslims, must fight against anyone who wrongfully says ill about Islam. In it, we must take care that we are not hurting those, who have not hurt us, but rather, that we fight against the common prejudices, stigmas and stereotypes that are placed on Islam and Muslims. 

Hijaab: The headpiece the women of Islam are recognised by. However, hijaab is not just that. Hijaab is also in the way we dress modestly, the way we must act modestly, the way we must speak modestly, because the woman’s modesty in Islam is very, very highly valued and respected. Men are told lower their gazes in front of women. 

Niqaab: The face veil that some, not all, but some Muslim women choose to wear, if they want to.

Burqa: The long material that covers the head and reaches thigh length, that some women, again, choose to wear, if they don’t want to wear the Hijaab, but something a bit more looser and covering.

Abayah: The long “dress” the women wear, on top of their usual clothes. Most of the times, these are black, with several printed or embroidered designs on them for more fancier wear, or sometimes they are simple, for more everyday wear. Not all women wear an abayah, and not every abayah is black in colour.

Thobe/Jubbah: Kind of like an abayah, but for men? I guess? It’s a long stitched garment, that comes in many different colours, mostly neautrals, like white, gray, beige, black, blues, greens etc, that men wear. Muslim men in the East wear this more frequently than Muslim men in the West, but Muslim men in the West would most likely wear this on Friday, Ramadhan, and Eid - on sacred occasions.

Dua: Prayers. So, when you raise your hands and pray to Allah, and ask anything of him and remember the people who you want to remember in your prayers to Allah.

Jummah: It means Friday, which is the holy day for Muslims. Kind of like Sabbath, I guess. On Fridays, instead of the Zauhar prayer, men normally go to the Masjid (the mosque) to offer Jummah Salah (The Friday Prayer), where the Imam (the person leading the prayer) will give a Kutbah (a short sermon) regarding a specific topic to do with Islam.

Masjid: The Mosque. This is where Muslims gather to pray Salah 5 times a day.

Madressah: Islamic schooling - so, Islamic classes that, most often, take place inside the Masjid, i.e, the mosque, when it is not being used by the general Muslim public to offer Salah.

WORDS & PHRASES.

As-salaamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuhu: This is a greeting, both used as a hello and a goodbye between Muslims. As-salaamu’alaikum - May peace be upon you, Warahmatullahi - And Allah’s mercy, Wabarakaatuhu - And his blessings. Usually though, most people will only say/use As-salaamu’alaikum.

Allah Hafiz: May Allah protect you. This is another greeting we have that Muslims use as a goodbye.

Bismillah hirahmaa niraheem: In the name of Allah, the most Merciful, the Most Kind. It’s a phrase we use/say when we’re about to start something, we start whatever we do in the name of Allah, by remembering him so that whatever we’re doing will have a successful outcome. Somtimes, we just say Bismillah, in short, which just means, In the Name of Allah.

Subhanallah: Glory be to Allah. This is a Tasbeeh (a praise of Allah) that is said when something overwhelms you, so much so, that you literally have to take a moment and glorify Allah for having that thing overwhelm you, whether it be someone’s beauty, something’s beauty, or something that’s happened that’s overwhelmed you in a really positive way.

Alhamdulillah: All praises be to Allah. This is a Tasbeeh that’s said when you’re thankful for something. Thankful for anything or anyone, for food, for good health, after we sneeze we say Alhamdulillah, or if someone is asking you how you are, you can simply reply back by saying Alhamdulillah, and they’ll understand that you are in good health, or if someone is offering you something extra, like food, for example, then you can simply say Alhamdulillah, and they’ll understand that you’re content with the amount you have.

Allahu Akbar: Allah is the Greatest. This is another Tasbeeh, but it’s used in quite versatile ways. It’s the first and last phrases of the Adhaan, it’s said in Salah, but it’s also used in daily speak too, most often when we want to reaffirm our belief in Allah, to remind ourselves that, Allah is our sole keeper of destiny, and that, sometimes, things we don’t anticipate can happen too. It’s a resounding statement of faith, that can invoke feelings of strength when it is needed, telling you to reevaluate where your faith is at. Or if something that you can’t believe is happening, you’ll say Allahu Akbar, to express your disbelief in it.

Insha’allah: If Allah wills. This is something we say when we’re thinking about the future, and we hope that the way we think about the future is something Allah is willing to offer us. Kind of like a “I don’t wanna jinx it”.

Mash’allah: Allah has willed. This is something we say out of respect for a situation, if it’s gone in favour of someone else we’re speaking to, or if we’re appreciating someone, whether it be their beauty or their character. It’s a way of showing someone that you’re extremely happy that Allah has willed for something to go their way. 

Wallah: I swear by Allah. It’s something you say when you’re absolutely serious about something, because you are swearing to Allah about it, you are keeping Allah as your witness about it.

Astagfirullah: I seek forgiveness from Allah. This is said when you’re repenting to Allah, or someone else may say this to you if they’re reminding you of something wrong that you did/are doing, not as a way to patronise, but to remind you that you have a choice in not doing that wrong thing either.

Jazakallah Khair: May Allah reward you with the best (of rewards). This is said in place of thank you, when you’re thanking someone for something, Most people sometimes just say Jazakallah, or either Baarakallah (May Allah’s blessings be upon you.)

Ameen: Amen. Something you say when you’re agreeing with something, or accepting something from someone.

Mubarak: Glad tidings/Congratulations. Usually you’ll hear people say this in Ramadhan or Eid, to each other, or if someone tells someone else they’re going for Hajj/have come back from Hajj, you’ll hear the phrases:  Ramadhan Mubarak, Eid Mubarak, Hajj Mubarak etc, but generally, it’s just used as way of saying congrats.

Nikah: Wedding.The actual wedding ceremony.

Ammi: Mum.

Abba: Dad.

Habibi/Habibti: The Most Beloved. Where Habibi is the masculine term, and Habibti is the feminine term. It’s not just said to the person you love romantically, it can be said platonically too, and quite often, is.

  • jensen complimented my shoes when I walked up to his autographs
  • jared told me I smelled good

  • every time he saw me after the m&g he would wink and go ‘Hey, you!’

  • if you tell jensen ackles that he’s beautiful (I did oops) he’ll smile real soft and his ears will turn pink and he’ll hold your hand and ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

  • jared has the best fucking smile in the entire universe. like, I already knew this, but seeing it so many times on sunday did nothing but confirm such thoughts

  • jared curses like a sailor in a small setting and every other word is some version of ‘fuck’

  • j2 were saying hella inappropriate things to each other before my op. idk what was said but they were both whispering in each other’s ears and it was AWFUL

  • jared waved at me while I stood in line for his op ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

  • JENSEN IS A DAMN TEASE TO EVERY PERSON IN EXISTENCE

  • jared was def scent-marking jensen before ops, cannot tell me otherwise, nope

  • jared calls jj “birdy” and says she has him whipped already

  • jared looks at you when you talk and it’s really intense and you forget your own name and giggle a lot and it’s super embarrassing but it happens so

  • jensen’s waist is so fucking teeny and tiny and i’m upset about it still ohmygod

  • the spn tape ball apparently weighs over 15 pounds now
Literally how I became happy.

A lot of you guys are always concerned about me because the more that I share, the more you realize I’m a real person with struggles and issues and I’m not 100% okay 100% of the time haha so I just wanna give an update and share some insight on how I’ve been doing and what I’ve been working on.
The hair cut is the visible part. The change is sooooo real. I look like a different person but I seriously FEEL like one. Surface changes: I live in Tennessee. I have short blonde hair. I’ve now dated two guys that I actually loved. I own a house and a car. Before, I lived in California, I had freaking long brown hair, I shared a mini van with four other people, I’d never been on a date and truly questioned whether I’d ever meet anyone that liked me for who I was, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life past like two years into the future and I felt like I would live with my parents forever. So a lot of big things have changed but honestly the biggest changes happened inside with less visible results. You can only see it in my smile and hear it in my words. But really you’ll see it in my actions over the next 12 months. It’s just the beginning.
I honestly don’t know where it came from. The last six years I have been so passive. My life has been happening to me. There have been some breakthrough moments where I learned a lot about myself and my confidence and self love, yes. I had some good times for sure. But as far as knowing what I want and where I wanna go, I was not good at that. I felt SO powerless and began to withdraw more and more, in my friendships, my career, our band, my family, everything. I shared so little each day, I had so few ideas, I didn’t create much, I only wrote when I was really upset or inspired (which wasn’t that often), I had no social life, no vision for myself, no confidence that anyone would ever love me and I just wasn’t living a rich life at all. I was an observer hoping that one day someone or something would come along and make my life actually enjoyable. I was constantly waiting. I journaled a lot and released a lot of emotion, that part was good. I just felt like I was living in a cave, stuck in the past, not doing much each day to actually experience life.
Then we moved across the country. *shock* *panic* *whoa*. That was the first time I was really shaken up.
Then I had my heart broken. Twice. I fell in love and both times it didn’t work out. I NEEDED that, to meet people who actually got me and appreciated my personality and loved all my quirks and my strange mind and how childlike I am. For the first time I felt understood. I wouldn’t change a thing. I was so closed off for so long and suddenly I was ripped open. Someone was asking for my time and attention and I had to give it to them. I was so scared but I really wanted to experience that side of life so I had to let those people see me and experience who I was. It was so good for me omg. I felt like my heart was shriveled and frozen before that, it had seen the sun maybe three times, but once that happened it absolutely bloomed. Not everyone has to fall in love to open their heart but for me that’s how it happened.
Anyway it was really intense and pushed me to the edge, dealing with that loss. I cut off all my hair. I just had enough. I was so drained. I had felt so vulnerable throughout my dating experiences, such a long period of trusting and hoping after so many years of doing the opposite, I guess I became a little over exposed. I pictured myself feeling tough and strong after a particularly intense weekend of fighting and I saw myself with no hair. It was kind of a crazy idea at first but it turned into a real desire. After a few days of thinking it over, I took the plunge.
What. A. Rush.
Suddenly I just wanted to feel alive. I went a little overboard but I did so many things. Concerts, road trips, bonfires, social plans nonstop, shopping, reinventing my style… I was really hurting during this time and I just wanted to feel better. I don’t regret doing so much but I’m glad I came down after a month and examined myself. I realized how much I was hurting and I faced it. I felt scared, hurt, abandoned, broken and vulnerable but it was comforting to identify that. Once you face it, you can feel it, release it and eventually let it go.
In October I realized I wanted more. I actually had dreams. Cutting my hair showed me I could have an idea, see it through and that it could actually go well! I wanted that on a bigger scale. I started writing again, all the time. I took an interest in my appearance again. Before, I just wanted people to think I’m pretty. Of course I still do but now it’s so much more than that. It actually is for me. When my outfit/makeup/overall look matches my mood, I feel so much more confident, comfortable with myself and ready to take on the day. Even in my work out clothes, I always try to coordinate them now and make them feel good because I know I just do more with my day when I feel confident and ready to put myself out there. You don’t need to look perfect AT ALL, in fact sometimes that can cause more stress because it puts more pressure on you. Just take the time to put yourself together and feel GOOD about what you’re wearing each day. It seriously makes a huge difference. And especially DO NOT wear anything that makes you feel bad. GET RID OF IT!!!! All your clothes should make you feel cute in some way.
Idk how this happened but I kind of just realized nothing is a big deal. The way I used to live, EVERYTHING was a HUGE deal. Texting a guy? Leaving the house? Spending 30 dollars? Calling someone first? All terrifying things I dreaded and avoided at all costs. I had to work through so much INTENSE anxiety when I first started dating, it was really sad how much that freaked me out and how much I had to work through just to get to a point where I felt comfortable going on one date or being the object of a man’s attention. I felt so incredibly unworthy.
Anyway, maybe it was the hair cut but sometime around then I just became really bold. Right now I feel like almost nothing scares me. My biggest fear is probably trusting people that have hurt me. That’s one thing I can think of that I’m struggling with and truly terrifies me, trying to rebuild broken relationships. I’m having help working through that. Other than that, there are so few things I won’t try, won’t pursue, won’t say to someone. I am becoming more bold, confident, comfortable in my own skin and sure of myself with each passing second. I just feel GOOD. Nothing is that big of a deal! Seriously force yourself to take more risks and you’ll quickly understand what I mean. You can spend weeks, months, even years fearing things and trying to predict what will happen but once you finally do them you’ll see just how unnecessary all that stress was. Nothing is that hard, that daunting, that permanent. Heck, even tattoos can be removed these days.
I think that was the biggest change of all so far: the removal of fear. Fear used to be the gas in my tank, it absolutely fueled me. Now it’s faith. I am so ON FIRE for my life!!!!!! I have so many exciting dreams I want to pursue, so much I want to create, so many places I want to go, things I want to experience, learn, master, people I want to meet and be around….. I love it all. I decide what I want and I go after it. I look at myself in the mirror and I smile. I’m starting to look as bold and unique as I feel. The long hair was beautiful and fun and maybe one day I’ll want it back but for now, it just feels too plain for how colorful and out of the box my mind is. I always used my mind a lot but I wasn’t exploring it much before. Now that I’m embracing my unconventional brain, I just want to express that openness and share it with the world.
Also I’ve noticed I’m getting disappointed comments from traditional, conformist men I never wanted to date anyway that used to love my hair 😂 so no offense but I was never interested in you anyway, there are soooooo many long haired women in the world you can comment on that you’ll probably never even meet but i’m just one less you need to worry about hahaha. All of the bold men that liked me before just like me more now. And I think it’s because I also like myself more! Confidence attracts confidence! I’m growing into the baller I was born to be and it’s just helping me attract more ballers 😂😂
BTW THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING LONG HAIR OR A MORE SIMPLE STYLE I FULLY SUPPORT IT. YOU DONT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON OR LIVE A WILD UNCONVENTIONAL LIFE TO BALL OUT ON EVERYONE THATS JUST HOW I CHOOSE TO DO IT HAHA. EVERYONE IS A BALLER IN THEIR OWN WAY I EMBRACE AVERAGE LOOKING PEOPLE AND WILD LOOKING PEOPLE, AS LONG AS YOURE LIVING A LIFE YOU LOVE AND CHOOSING WHAT TRULY FULFILLS YOU!!!!!!!!!!! WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE JUST LIVE IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT 🙌🏼
Anyway, I feel so much more confident in myself, men or no men. It’s funny cuz I finally stopped worrying about guys and now I actually interact with them the way I always wanted to hahaha.
I no longer rely on the approval of others to get through the day. I no longer feel paralyzed by fear every morning and night. I no longer ponder whether I’m worthy of a date or not. I no longer look in the mirror and sigh. I no longer think of the future as a blurry grey blob filled with hopelessness, uncertainty and fear. I know it will be whatever I make it and I am going to make it freaking phenomenal.
That’s a huge key, putting YOURSELF in the drivers seat. Forget this message of victimization. You are the person holding yourself down but YOU can be the one to lift yourself up!!!! Wow I just got a huge craving for meat loaf and mashed potatoes. HAHAHA. Anyway, put yourself in control. Ask God for guidance. Trust that you are taken care of always because YOU ARE. Embrace yourself. Stop thinking you have to be perfect. Stop thinking you’re unlovable. Realize how cool you are and how much you have going for yourself. Jump in and try things. Stop thinking you have to be “ready”. THE LESSONS OF FAILURE ARE FAR MORE VALUABLE THAN THE PRIZES OF SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!
On that note, go kill it. Embrace yourself. Blossom. Live. Come alive. You got this 👊🏼💗

so i walk to this mall close by my house often and it’s also near a high school, so while i was there this group of guys were hanging out in front of target (which i needed to walk by) and while i was heading towards them they suddenly got loud and these two dudes were pushed out of the group and i stopped because i didn’t want to get in their way. let’s call them Ron and Pete. so Pete starts arguing with Ron and they’re up in each other’s faces until Ron looks over his shoulder and sees me and is like ‘HEY GIRL COME HERE’ and i turned and thought he was talking to someone else but nope. he was talking to me. Pete turned and he gestured for me to go to them and i was like.. haha no and i shook my head and stared going the other direction but Ron grabbed his skateboard and rode over to me and asked me what the first thing i thought of when i looked at Pete and when i said a skater boy and immediately shouted ‘NO. WRONG. HE IS A CHEATER AND HE KISSED LARSON LAST NIGHT EVEN THOUGH WE ARE DATING’ and flipped Pete and the group off and rode away. Pete then came over to me and apologized and went after Ron..

Beetlejuice (Connor Murphy x reader fic part 1 of 2)

THIS IS A GHOST AU. LIKE CONNOR IS DEAD BUT YOU MEET HIM IN HIS LIL GHOST FORM. IT’S NOT AS LAME AS IT SOUNDS. OR MAYBE IT’S EXACTLY AS LAME AS IT SOUNDS.

Guys. It is like crazy long. And only part one. I’m going to post part two in a few days but I split them up because i’m still working on an ending. I honestly have no clue if anyone will wanna read this because it’s so fucking long. But this is like a Connor Ghost fic where you move into his house after his family moves out to get over Connor’s death and he haunts you but you guys become friends and idk this idea was so good in my head idk it I did it justice but maybe someone will enjoy. Part two will not be long because 1.) lack of motivation 2.) lack of ideas 3.) I’m making you guys read all this I won’t continue to waste more of your time. also this was so hard to edit so i’m sure there are one thousand mistakes im sosososos sorry.

TW: suicide, self harm, bullying, anxiety, depression, swearing, angst, fuck it’s sort of sad idk i feel for ghost connor

12,085 words yikes

You jolted up, your sleep disturbed by loud (and quite rude) banging at your bedroom door. You shot up quickly, trying to figure out what the hell was happening at…

You checked your phone which was shoved under your pillow, the illumination making you flinch from your unadjusted eyes.

It was 12:00.

The knocking ceased momentarily, which made you think you were hearing things due to exhaustion. Plus, there was no way it was your parents, seeing as they were the oldest middle aged people you knew, hitting the pillow before 9:30. You relaxed, regretting it seconds later when the knocking came back.

You brought your legs close to your chest, covering your mouth so whoever was there couldn’t hear your breathing. You decided to quickly get up, drawing the cover off your bare legs and moving nimbly to your empty closet, trying to avoid the maze of boxes that crowded your room. You’d just moved in, it was literally your first night at the house and probably the last day of existence. You thought this was a good neighborhood, and your parents had an alarm system. Surely your dad would come running to save you or maybe they’re calling the people. Or maybe the imagined murderer already killed them, coming for you to finish the job. You could feel the tears well up in your eyes as you closed the walk in closet door as quickly as you could. Fuck. Is this the part you were supposed to pray for forgiveness? Fuck. You had leftovers in the fridge from tonight that you were really looking forward to eat for lunch tomorrow. Then you thought how pathetic that was, having that be your last breathing thought of your fleeting life. Your door swung open, not hearing any footsteps but a sudden pounding on your closet door. You were shaking, hands covering your mouth, resulting in tears to flow.

“Zoe! I know you were in my room. I can’t get in. You fucking locked it you bitch. I’m going to fucking kill you with the key when I find it. Stop messing with my head, I don’t understand why you’re doing this to me.” The voice screamed out desperately, followed by angry sobs. Your tears ceased however. Zoe? What the hell? What’s happening? The closet door swung open, but no one was even there. All was quiet, you were so shaken up you couldn’t move for five whole minutes. It was like you were frozen. You were tired. Maybe, that was some sort of nightmare of sleep paralysis. Because where the hell did the voice come from. How the hell did your door fly all the way open without a single person in sight. You were hallucinating. That had to be it. From lack of sleep or from that weird black mold that grows in the walls you heard about in that short weird documentary on YouTube. That’s the only plausible thing. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to blink away to exhaustion. You finally exited out of the tiny space, going to reach for the closet door knob to cease it shut. Before your hand even got near it, it slammed closed, causing you to open your eyes swiftly.

“What the hell is your problem, Zo-” A boy stood before you, looking half dead. Not even half, but fully dead. His eyes were bloodshot, he looked like he had bags under his eyes, and even in the dark, you could see a large circular purple mark all the way around his neck.

You fucking started screaming.

“Shit!” he cupped his hands over your mouth, the temperature of Antarctica hovering over your lips. “I didn’t realize Zoe had friends over. Shut up you’re going to wake up my parents.” This is when you started crying. Not only did he murderer sneak into your home, he was a complete lunatic. His parents? Zoe? He was fucking nuts and he was definitely going to kill you. You went to shove him away, but your hands went through, like he was mist. Now, you started to ball. You were the crazy one. You convinced yourself you developed schizophrenia overnight and were losing it, or it was definitely the black mold. He looked as scared as you did, backing away. He touched his stomach, which his hands didn’t go through at all. His face was unreadable, then he was unreadable, vanishing into thin air.

You didn’t sleep the rest of the night.

The next day you walked around void, scared to go even take a nap. You convinced yourself it was just a nightmare. A nightmare you don’t remember falling asleep to or waking up from but that’s what you decided. You needed to tell yourself it was fine. You also googled that hallucinating black mold, and that really only grows in really old houses, so you eliminated that. It was fine. Everything was fine. Your parents commented on how tired you looked. Brushing it off, you just told them how excited you were about the new house, and you couldn’t sleep. A lie, but since you were lying to yourself why not make some more up. Night quickly approached as you tried to fix up your room, figuring where your desk and bookshelves should go. Plus, nothing else really weird happened. You stayed up, busying yourself by decorating. When the banging started again. It was midnight

“Zoe!”

Fuck.

So, reality was hitting you. Were you crazy? Was this house fucking haunted. You never really believed in ghosts, but that wasn’t to say it didn’t scare the crap out of you. The door slammed open about, without a person there. You froze in place again, waiting for it to just appear again. It went straight to the closet again, banging loudly.

“Why are you doing this?” Similar words whimpering out of his mouth. You think about running into your parent’s room, like how you did when you were 5. But you were just stuck. The hallucination, or ghost, or whatever, had their back toward you. It was definitely a guy, his voice low and sort of nasally. He had shoulder length hair, you couldn’t tell if it was black or brown, and he was wearing a hoodie and jeans. He disappeared and the closet door slammed open, as it did the other night. Connor reappeared right in front of you, your eyes wide and just in utter shock.

He hissed: “Who the hell are you?” His eyes were a very dull blue with what seemed to be brown spot that now seemed more gray than anything. They were lifeless. Below was a nose that had a few bumps down the slope, and a wide mouth with a soft, but prominent cupid’s bow. His neck was even more visible than the night before, making your skin crawl as you peered at the purple mark that was the entire circumference of his neck. You subconsciously dug your nails into your palms, feeling pain within seconds. So you were definitely awake. Next was to test if this was a hallucination from sleep deprivation. You squeeze your eyes shut, as hard as you can you think your face might melt, scared to open them back up. He was still there, with a face of confusion mixing with anger. Okay, now it was ghost checking time. You gently went to put your arm through him, ghosts are just apparitions right? Your whole hand went through his body.

“W-what..?” he stuttered out, almost like a croak.

You pondered, how could he touch you but you couldn’t touch him. A realization came to you, causing you to jerk your hand back. He could hurt you but you can’t even defend yourself against him. Tears started to spill again.

“Please don’t hurt me.” you whimpered softly, completely submissive.

His eyes widen, freaked out that you thought he was trying to hurt you. “I’m not… I wouldn't…. how… what…” he was totally as confused as you were. Probably more scared than you, if that was even possible. This boy is dead and he doesn’t even know. The sound of footsteps approach your door, and the ghost was gone.

“Why is your light still on, sweetie?” your mother comes in, wincing from the brightness.

“Sorry, I’ll wrap it up soon.” you told her, again, like nothing was wrong. You quickly turned away, shielding your tears from her. She was oblivious and didn’t even notice. Your mom walks into your room, admiring your wall of old pictures of your friends.

“This is nice…” she says, trailing off knowing you weren’t happy with the move becasue you were an hour away from all your friends now. You hum meekly, not able to say a word about the topic. “I’m really sorry honey. It was just… You know your dad got this new job. And neither of us wanted to move your senior year but… We didn’t have a choice. You know that.”

“It’s fine, mom. I’ll meet new friends! And I’ll still have them! So I’ll have twice the amount of friends now.” you struggled to fake enthusiasm, but your mother’s density seemed to buy it

“Well. You gotta go to the new school tomorrow. It’s Monday now, so you gotta get up early. You can even take my car. Maybe I’ll ask your dad if he’d be willing to buy you your own! Uh? How about that.”

“Sounds great. That’d be really cool…” you tried to say with fervor, but it came off more sarcastic.

Your mom came over to you and planted a kiss on your forehead. “You know I love you, sweetie.” you nod in response as she turns to leave, turning the light out on the way out.

The boy didn’t come back again that night

—.

School sucked. You didn’t meet any new friends. Kids looked at you weird. The school was a lot bigger than your last one. You were late to one of your classes. And the walls were bare, with the exception of some random suicide prevention posters up. They gave you a sour taste in your stomach. The words “The Connor Project” almost screaming out to you as you passed them at the end of each hallway. Was Connor a kid at your school? Is? Was? That was even more disturbing to think about, there was a dead kid at your new school that everyone is probably mourning and you have no clue who this kid even was.

Unless.

No. No! That was completely ridiculous. Absolutely not.

Once you got home, you found yourself opening your laptop typing the name of the school and the name on the posters.

Connor Murphy -  Obituaries

You clicked the link, leading you to an obit from almost a year ago that contained a school picture.

Fuck.

The colored picture was a kid looking straight into the camera. A kid that had sad heterochromic eyes. A kid with a bumpy nose. A kid with a wide mouth with a define cupid’s bow. A kid was long brown shoulder length hair.

A kid that looked eerily similar to whatever you saw last night.

You ran downstairs. Your mom making god-knows-what in the kitchen with your dad.

“Did a kid kill himself in this house.” you blurted out. You didn’t want to put it that way. That sounded insensitive. But the words were already out there. You mom was shocked, eyes wide and she brought her lips in, as if she was sealing them. You’re dad pushed up his sleeves and tilted his head to the right, squeezing his eyes closed as if he was trying to read the lines he was about to tell you, like they were tiny little cue cards in his head.

“We should all sit down.” he calmly said. Good one, father. Rehearsed that perfectly. The three of you head over to the couch, you sitting on the chair opposite, like they were having an intervention for you that you started.

Your father started. “There was a family who lived here. The Murphy’s.” Christ. It’s been confirmed.

“They had two children. Zoe… and er…” your mom took control of the conversation but paused before saying his name. “and Connor.”

“Last year… Around this time. Connor…” Your mother covered her mouth, like she was going to start to cry. You wanted to roll your eyes at her fake sympathy. Your father took her hand.

“He hung himself, (y/n)”

Your mother chimes in, “(y/fathers/n)! You don’t have to be so brash. God! Sweetie, the young man, the Murphy’s son, committed suicide. He was very unhappy, sweetie. And if you’re ever going through anything-”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll talk to you guys about anything I’m going through or whatever.” You lied. Not necessarily about the depression bit, but more over on the side of telling them things. No way in hell were you going to tell them you thought the house was haunted. They’d think you were just paranoid. “Um… where did it happen?” They knew what you meant by it.

In his bedroom. Which, is my office now. That’s why we had you take the girls room. Just because you were destined to find out. And I know that wouldn’t sit right with you” Your dad said. You sighed, sinking back in your chair. After letting all the information set in, you went slowly back up to your room, pulling out your phone.

You googled: exorcists in my area.

Bad news was that this new town didn’t seem to have any exorcists nearby, and the closest one was about 3 hours away and charged a hell of a lot. Money you didn’t have. Money you couldn’t even ask your parents for because imagining what that conversation would be like was one that wouldn’t go. Not even well, just wouldn’t go. So you decided if you’re going to be living here for the next year before going off to college. It was ghost befriending time. You felt a little stupid typing into the search bar “how to befriend a ghost that doesn’t know he’s a ghost living in your house .” Nothing. You went for something more broad. “Befriending ghosts”. More, not many, results showed up, causing you to scan through them. You read almost every article on the first two pages. Even watched some videos (with headphones in case the parents would hear). Also, you may or may not have taken notes. It was getting late, and you heard your parents go to bed. Connor was going to knock any minute, your phone was at 11:59. You walked up to your door. And as soon as a knock happened, you swung it open. Connor angrily standing there, bewildered now.

“Shit.” he said under his breath. You signaled for him to come in. “I,” he paused. “What happened to Zoe? What happened to my parents? Where are they.” he was started to catch on, realizing  something was up.

Even though you were scared, you also felt like you owed him something. You weren’t sure why, but he needed to know. At least a little.

“They don’t live here anymore, Connor.”

“What… What are you saying. Where the hell are they? And… H-how do you even know my name?” he stammered over his words, not looking at me. I tried to avoid his neck.

“Connor… do you know what you are.”

“What the fuck do you mean?”

“Do you know what I’m talking about?” He ignores you. Instead, he’s focused on the mirror hung up on the wall. Shit, he can’t look at himself like that. He will freak. You follow his line of sight, seeing you. Just you. Of course, he wouldn’t be there. He’s not living.

“Oh my god…” he started to breath heavier and heavier, until tear start falling.

“I’m so-”

“Stop! This is some weird nightmare. Some weird long nightmare… That I’m only remembering bits and pieces of as I go more and more into my sleep. I’m going to wake up. I’m going to go to school. I’m going to live a miserable life and make everyone else miserable. I’m-” He’s basically wheezing for air. He fell to the ground, you going by his side, going to try to embrace him until he disappeared.

Well. That went superb.

It had been a couple of days, and you saw no sign of Connor. But you could still sense him lingering, the air always seeming colder when he was around. You’d call out his name. And… Nothing. It was like he was hiding.

Anyway, school was the same. But today was particularly bad, it was worse by one thousand percent than all the other days combined.

You overheard some kids talking in English. “It’s the anniversary.” one said, almost as if he was amused.

“Shut up. I don’t know why you think it’s so funny. You’re messed up.” a girl hissed at him.

“I’m just happy, that’s all.”

“Happy?” she was repulsed.

“Well, if you think about it. It was either us or him.” It clicked in you. They were talking about Connor.

“What the hell do you mean by that.” she asked. You asked the same question in your head. You pretended to look for a pencil inside your bag, turning your body 90 degrees so you could actually hear better as you rummaged through your bag.

The boy with glasses breathed out, “I mean that he would’ve shot up the school if he didn’t snap his neck. That’s what I mean.” the girl looked at him with utter disgust. “You act like that’s far-fetched.”

“Connor wasn’t like that. You didn’t know him.”

“Yeah, and you didn’t either.” they paused. You glanced back, trying to figure out why they stopped. They both peered over at you.

“Could you give us some damn privacy.” the boy growled. You quickly turned back, facing the front of the room, heart beating out of your chest. Shit. Shit. Shit. You already made an enemy, and you didn’t have any friends yet to comfort you. You held your breath for what seemed like the rest of class, zoning out of their conversation, the lecture, everything. The bell snapped you out of it. You tried to get out of there as quickly as possible.

“Hey.” a feminine voice called out. You turn around. It was the girl. “I’m really sorry about Jared. He’s a real jerk. I’m Alana.” She stuck out her hand, but you didn’t shake it. You couldn’t. Hand sweat levels were off the radar.

“I’m really sorry for eavesdropping. That was so not cool.” you blurted out.

“No! No, it’s fine, really.” she reassured you, making you comfortable enough to make eye contact. “I, uh, I know you’re new here. You’re (Y/N) (Y/L/N)! I’m not a stalker or anything i just have to know everyone’s name. I’m running for senior president!” she told you, getting off topic. Shaking her head, “Anyway, enough of the self-promo. Um, what lunch period do you have?

“3rd…” you told her.

“Oh me too! If you want, you can come sit with me.” you weren’t sure if she was being nice, piteous, or deceptive. But you accepted, you didn’t want to eat in the library for the following week, pretending to catch up on your new classes.

Lunch came around and you looked all over for Alana. She spotted you before you spotted her.

“(Y/N)!” she called out much louder than needed to, and everyone looked. Your day was just filled with embarrassment. You walk over, with your head down and sit across from Alana. The boy, Jared was there along with another boy who looked severely uncomfortable as well. You made a mental note, knowing that feeling all to well.

“Hey, Alana.” you decided against a verbal hello to the boys. So you just gave them a nod. Jared just kind of stared at you while the other kid smiled awkwardly back. This was weird. Alana was weird. Jared was weird. That kid was weird. And you were weird. All weird in different ways, so it made it even weirder. You all weren’t even on the same ‘weird’ page.

“So, (Y/N). Sorry about the whole ordeal I made in English.” Jared, the boy with glasses who yelled at you, said. It wasn’t a genuine apology. Alana gritted her teeth at him. “Since you’re new to this school, I’ll tell you a little of its history.” He said, almost demented. It reminded you of something the joker would say (Heath Ledger’s joker, may Heath Ledger rest in peace). “You see, today an important day. It’s the day we lost a fellow student. The anniversary of Connor Murphy’s death.” you gulped down. This was all way too much for you. “Great guy. Really added to the atmosphere here. You see all these kids mourning?”

No one seem to be upset. Oh… you got it. He was being sarcastic.

The awkward kid cut him off, “That’s enough.” he yelled, banging his hand on the table.

“Oh, Evan. I know you must be grieving greatly. You were his best friend after all.” Evan glared at Jared. So that’s his name. Everyone was dead silent. Like, the whole cafeteria. A girl got up and ran out. You swear to god, you recognized her. “Oh, look. Your girlfriend, Zoe. Aren’t you going to go get her?” Zoe? Fuck. Zoe was the sister. Evan followed her out, chasing behind.

“She still goes here.” you accidentally asked with concern aloud. Jared looked at you scarily, almost wanting to smirk. This conversation going exactly as he wanted.

“Oh! So you know about the Murphys? How’s that?”

“Jared, stop it.” Alana told him

“No!” he said, “How do you know about them?”

You couldn’t tell them. You weren’t about to let them know you live in that house. Jared would probably harass you some more.

“I- I don’t. I don’t know anything. I’m just gonna go-” you start to get up.

“No! You can’t go!” he announced. Alana pinched the bridge of her nose. “Tell us about it?”

“About what?” you asked back.

“Are you an idiot or something? The house. Alana told us you live in the house. Come on! Is it haunted? I feel like Connor was a troubled soul. Did you exorcise it? You really should look into that!” Your eyes darted over to Alana. She didn’t look at you. Is this why she wanted you to sit there. You jolted up, walking rapidly out of the cafeteria. You went to walk down one hallway but you saw Evan trying to comfort zone, which she seemed more tense and remote in his present. You could tell it would be better for Evan to just leave her alone, but you decided against interfering. You barely knew what the hell happened other than the death of this kid Connor.

School really sucked.

Hours past. It was about midnight and you couldn’t stop thinking about it. Really, you couldn’t stop crying. You started crying because of how no one seemed to be nice at this school, then you started bawling about how your old school was fine and how you missed all your friends and the familiarity and everything that this new place isn’t.

“Why are you crying.”

Your head shut up. Connor was at the end of your bed. He stared into the mirror. At nothing.

“You didn’t knock?” trying to make a joke but you accidentally let your voice crack.

The corners of his mouth pulled up, but quickly fell. He got straight to the point, “I’m dead, aren’t I?” he asked. All you had to do was look at him, and he got the answer from your eyes. He shut his eyes.

You wanted to get his mind off the matter. “School sucks. That’s why I’m crying, if you’re still curious.”

“If you go to the one I go to, you got that fucking right.” neither one of you corrected his wording of the present tense of “to go”. But you both knew.

“People are mean.” you murmured out.

“Yeah… I know.” he clenched his jaw. Shit. You guessed that school was a factor why he did… it. “Who was mean to you?”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Then what do you wanna talk about because you don’t wanna talk about the fact I offed myself, so I’m kind of running out of conversation topics here.” You didn’t say anything. He squeezed his knuckles, digging his nails into his palms like you do sometimes. You didn’t know what to say, he kept going anyway. “It wasn’t Jared Kleinman, was it?” he asked bluntly. So that was his last name. “Fucking Christ, he’s such a dick.” his voice gets a little louder. Your face must of given it away. You made another mental note to show letting your thoughts show to easily. “Avoid him. Just ignore everything he says or does. You have to numb yourself at this school, okay.”

Your ghost was giving you survival tips on how to make it through senior year. It’s ironic, because, he didn’t exactly survive it himself. But this irony was not of the humorous sort. You felt sick.

“Hey, you alright?” He asked.

“Yes, I just feel dizzy.” the room really started to spin. It’s like you momentarily forgotten you were talking to a literal dead person and when you remember, you reacted the way any normal person would. You passed out.

“Hey, um, girl.” Connor never learned your name. “Hey, um. You aren’t dead too? Right.” Connor almost started to dryly smile to himself. “Because I’m the one who gets to haunt this house, not you.” He checked your pulse. It was strange. He seemed to be able to touch you, but you couldn’t touch him. He was having the same realization as you. He got up. Looking around your room for anything he could find more about you on. He looked along your walls, looking at pictures of you and your friends. There was one of you kisses some guys cheek. Connor got annoyed by it. Why did everyone have someone but him. He looked back at you, the unknown girl to him, and bought a cover up your body. Then disappearing

The following day of school, you guessed it, sucked. You’re starting to see a pattern here.

Alana tried talking to you again. You didn’t want to talk with her though, you didn’t even want to look at her. Jared just kind of would glance at you and quickly look away, guilt lingering in his stares. Then, Evan just kept his head down. Not that you were mad at him or anything. He didn’t do anything. Well, not to you. It seemed something was up with that awkward kid. Like, did he mess around with Zoe or was he a dick to Connor? He didn’t seem like either type, so you let it go.

Jared did approach you after school in the parking lot.

“(Y/N)!” he called out nervously. You kept walking, putting in your earphones to drown him out; drown everything out. You could tell he was still calling stuff out, but you couldn’t hear it over the lyrics of Karma Police. You felt a hand grasp your shoulder, turning you around roughly. Was this kid trying to fight you? He paused your music from your headphones. “Hey.” he said shyly.

“Please, just leave me alone.” You unpaused your music and started toward your car again. This time he ran in front of you, taking out your earphones.

“I’m sorry, (y/n). I don’t know why I was like that yesterday. Just, the whole Connor thing kind of tips me off.”

You cut him off not really caring to hear more, “It’s whatever. If you really wanna apologize, just leave me alone and that’d be more than enough.”

“Please, just wait. I don’t want you to think I’m this massive asshole. I mean, I am an asshole. But I was just vindictive yesterday. Something happened after Connor’s death. Something messed up that some kid did and, I uh, I helped him with it. And I still feel guilty. It was fucked up, and I’m still angry about it. So I took it out in you, god knows why.” His voice started to tremble. You started feeling bad, now.

“Jared, it’s fine.”

“It isn’t fine. None of it was fine. Evan got out of hand, and I was just as bad.”

Confused, you stated: “Evan didn’t really do anything.”

“Not yesterday. Before… The Connor Project. Fuck. Never mind, I’ll just see you tomorrow.” Jared quickly b-lined for his car. You stood there, not understanding one bit.

Maybe Connor will have some answers.

You took a nap when you got home. You haven’t been getting much sleep, and you knew you’d have to wake up at midnight to talk to Connor. Your life was getting weird.

You woke up to a weight at the edge of your bed. Your eyes fluttered open, Connor sitting before you. His hair in front of his face looking at one of your old yearbook. The one from 9th grade.

“You look really different now.” he simpered. Everyone’s 9th grade picture was cringy. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Drawing out each name.

You tore it out of his hands. “So is this how you haunt people? Humiliation? Because the average ghost would flicker the lights on and off, or throw my valuables at me, or write murderous things in my wall with my cat’s blood.”

“You have a cat?”

“You missed the point.”

“Are you really trying to tell me how to be a proper ghost? Because I don’t believe you have that sort of experience under your belt.” he slyly stated.

Without even thinking (which you really should have fucking done), you remarked back, “says the one trying to tell me how to survive high school.” your eyes widen. Did you really just fucking say that. His jaw clenched, digging his nails into his palms, knowing he wouldn’t feel a thing. “Shit. that was supposed to be a joke. But I suppose jokes are funny, and that was just-”

He cut you off, “This sucks. This still sucks so much and I’m still in so much pain. But I can’t even hurt myself. I’m just stuck. Afterlife fucking suck. But high school was so bad, my family was so unbearable, I was so insufferable. Everything was starting to feel not real, I was numbing myself. No one was there for me. No one gave two shits about the freak. No one ever reached out. I had no one. No one to talk to. No one to vent to. No one.”

Your heart started hurting.  An “I’m sorry.” was all you could muster out.

“It’s too late.”

“I know….” you paused. You understood how he felt. Being alone. Being with people didn’t even stop that feeling. But you weren’t about to tell him that. “Do you know an Evan Hansen.” There you went with the present tense again.

The lights started to flicker, you would’ve made a joke if you both weren’t having a serious conversation about it. “Yeah.” he said simply, trying to not get angry. There was pause between the both of you before he continued. “I thought he might’ve been a nice kid. He wasn’t. He made fun of me just like everyone else… With this note. God, that stupid fucking note.”

“What did the note say.”

“Doesn’t matter. It was some prank. Jared probably put him up to it. They just wanted to get in my head.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that.”

“I’m sorry.” He whipped his head at you, “Shit, I mean-”

“It’s fine, (Y/n). Just… try not to. Or whatever. I don’t give a fuck what you do or don’t do. Why’d you ask about Evan?”

“Jared brought him up to me today-”

Connor cut you off, “I thought I told you to avoid that fucking kid. He’s not a nice guy.”

“I tried. No, I tried. He like, hunted me down in the parking lot. Apologizing and telling me some stuff.”

“Don’t listen to him. He’s probably trying to make some joke. He thinks he’s the fucking class clown but he’s not even funny.” he paused, curious about what he might have said. “What was the stuff he told you.”

“Um…” you didn’t know whether to tell him about the Connor Project. It was obviously about him, but he didn’t seem to be fond of anyone at his school. Not even his sister. Now wasn’t the right time to bring that up. You know he’d be pissed about it. And now, it pissed you off, feeling like it was a pity project to make people feel better that no one actually cared about Connor.

“Woah, easy.” Connor said, sort of aggressively. He pulled your fingers off your palms, finding little red marks indenting your skin, the skin slightly broken. He brushed his fingers over the marks, you didn’t even realize you started to do that “I do the same thing. It just doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Connor didn’t re-ask what Jared told you. You two kind of talked about random stuff the rest of the night. Like your family (who were very different but similar in the rich neglectful way), your old lives (his living and yours where you used to live), and then music (which surprisingly was very similar! How many people can say their house ghost has a good taste in music. I’d take a wild guess and say next to none!) You stayed up until three, and both of you were getting tired (ghosts need sleep too apparently, existing in that form is draining.) You fell asleep first, curling up your body in a fetal position on your full size bed while Connor sat crossed legged. Before he disappeared, he had the realization that you were cute. Which wasn’t going to be good, finding you attractive.



“(Y/N)?” Jared whispered behind you. Snapping at you to get your attention. “Hey (Y/N) Pst! Hey, hey, (Y/N)!” he started yelling-whispering. “Heeeee-”

“What, Jared?” you hissed back. He leaned back in his desk, smiling widely at you in a goofy way.

“Wanna be partners?” he asked, pretending like you never said to leave you alone.

“Aren’t you usually with Alana?”

“She’s at some Student Council field trip for like three days, so I thought since neither of us have partners. Then we should just group up.”

You corrected him “You can’t find a partner.”

“Oh, I forgot. You’re miss popular. I mean, look at all the people begging to be your partner. What? You want me to get on my knees, profess my dire need of your partnership? Huh?”

“No don’t-” …And the boy was on his knees, making a scene.

“Oh, sweet merciful goddess of forgiveness. Please take mercy in me and take me on as your burden. Rise me up through the ashes and make me anew. Oh-”

“Okay okay. Please just stop… whatever you were just doing. Bring a desk over here.” you quickly told him, getting up to stop. You tried to hide your face. Half the class chuckled while the other rolled their eyes. So this was typical. Connor did tell you he was the class clown type. Though, Connor would’ve been a part of the half to roll their eyes.

The two of you started working. It was a MacBeth project. Recreating some scene in a modern day aspect. Jared wouldn’t shut up because how lame it was. Though, as you wrote the script, he would put his two cent on what memes to add. You ignored him.

You couldn’t help but to think about what Jared was telling me yesterday. You knew it was none of your business, but you couldn’t help to feel curious. Especially since you, well know Connor.

“Jared.” you said, not looking up from the paper you were writing on. “Um, what’s the Connor Project?”

He shifted awkwardly in his seat, “It’s a dead club.” You knew if he didn’t feel guilty about the whole thing, he would have chuckled at his accidentally pun. “The posters are still up just to make everyone feel better. Like the schools doing something when no one is.”

“Well, why isn’t anyone running it.”

“Why are you so curious about it all of the sudden. You didn’t want me to talk to you at all yesterday now you’re asking me questions about this. What’s the catch?”

“There isn’t one… I’m just… I don’t know. You, Alana, Evan, and Zoe just were really beat up about it. But no one else seemed to even flinch or bat an eye. Did Connor mean a lot to you.” you weren’t sure why you were asking questions you knew the answers too, people do that a lot to hear what they wanna hear.

“I don’t wanna to talk about it.” No one wanted to talk about anything, you thought.

“I see.”

Jared remarked: “You don't…”

“Why’s that.”

“You don’t know anything that went down. You know some kid killed himself and Evan started the Project. Which is now dead. T-the project, that is.”

“Well, I don’t know anything because no one will tell me.” You thought to yourself for a minute, waiting for a response. Evan started it. But Connor said that Evan wrote that mean note-

“Can we just get back to working in this stupid project.”

You complied. You still had no answers, a fuck ton of questions, and a memeless MacBeth project.

You got home later that day around 3. Connor was already in your room.

“You’re up early.” you say unphased. I mean, come on. A ghost lives in your house and you talk to him daily, what else could phase you at this point.

“Yeah, I haven’t really figured out why though.” he mumbled. He’s lying on your bed, staring at your ceiling. You notice scars all on his forearms. You don’t say anything. “I think my body thought it was 12 at night, when it was really 12 in the afternoon. I’ve been laying here for about 3 hours waiting for you to get home. Why don’t you have a clock in here.”

“Because I have a phone.”

“Yeah, but you don’t even have an alarm clock.”

“My phone is my alarm clock.”

He changed the subject, “How’s school.”

You shrugged your shoulders, looking around at everything other than him. He looked tired and so beat up. It made you incredibly sad. Connor caught on

“Is there a reason you won’t look at me.” he said, annoyed by your distance. “Am I that ugly?” That’s when you realized. Your ghost was cute. But he was hard to look at, seeing all the pain he had to go through. You wanted to start crying for him in a way. But what gave you the right to cry. Also, why did you refer to him as your ghost.

You made yourself make eye contact. Connor noted to himself that if he were alive, he would’ve blushed. But there is no blood running through his body anymore. “You happy. I’m just stressing out about this MacBeth project.”

“The modernization one?”

“Yeah, you did it?”

“I received it.” he said dryly, understanding what he meant. You looked away. He noticed. “Um, you had to partner up with someone right? Who’d you group with?” he asked, trying to steer back the conversation on the right road.

You couldn’t tell him, so you lied: “Alana. I’m not sure what her last name is.”

“Beck. It’s Alana Beck. You’ll ace that one. You’ll just have to deal with her annoying ass.” you smiled at him, reconnecting your eye contact.

“She seems okay.” you lied. You were still mad about what happened at lunch, and how she told Jared about your personal life. So you didn’t care for her.

“She’s, like, obsessed with how people see her.”

“Aren’t we all.”

“You don’t seem that way.”

“I am. I really want to make friends at this school.”

“No one’s worth your time…” he paused, going into a deep thought than coming out of it. “Alana, though. She does all this shit so other people think she’s this kind person like food drives. You know, that kind of shit. But she only does it for bonus points, like, so she can put it all on her college application.” You wondered if she was a part of the Connor Project?

“I mean, at least sees doing something.”

“But she’s not sincere about any of it. She doesn’t care.” he looked really sad again. Not even sad just empty. “I'm… I’m  just gonna go.”

“Wait, Con-” and he disappeared. Then, you felt really alone.

You tried facetiming your old friends. No one was able to pick up. It was Friday. And Fridays at your old town meant bonfire nights. Ugh, it was probably the first fire of senior year, and you were missing it. You were missing all of it. You went on instagram to see all their pictures. First, you looked at the old ones. Then the newer ones. The ones showing you weren’t missed. You noticed a message.

Jared Kleinman wants to send you a message.

Ew. No.

You read it anyway.

@JaredKleinmeme: hey i realized that this has to be a rough draft by monday and we only have half of it done. So we gotta meet up over the weekend. I would say my house but my moms are redoing our floors. So idk where you wanna meet.

No way were you coming here. Connor would have a fit. But you can’t borrow he car over weekends because your mom and dad both work during the day.

You got to message back.

Do you have a car? I don’t think we can come to my house?

He typed back within seconds.

No, i don’t. My parents only let me use theirs when i go to school.

Shit. Sure we can’t do yours???

Positive

Connor only ever seems to be in your room. Maybe if you guys stayed downstairs he’d never know.

Okay. We will make mine work.

Jared came over Saturday. You guys stayed in your living room. Everything was fine until your mom left.

Jared was focused on his computer. Writing out the rough draft.

Connor appeared at the stairs.

“Oh my god!” you screamed out, making Jared jump.

“What the hell?” Jared goes to look, but you grab his head to make him look at you. He turned flush.

“Sorry! I’m still getting adjusted to this house. Sometimes I just think I see things.”

Jared gets serious, “You don’t think it’s, like…. haunted or anything.”

He’s onto you. “Jared. Stop being ridiculous. I didn’t mean it like that.” Shit. Why did you make up that excuse?

“Yeah..” he chuckled meekly. “Sorry… I’m just… paranoid. Connor didn’t like me. For valid reasons. I wasn’t exactly nice to the guy-” a crash sounded upstairs. In a flash, Jared started collecting his stuff. “I-I-I’ll finish the project at home, just don’t worry about.”

“Jared. That was just my cat! It’s fine.” you lied. You didn’t have a cat.

“I know that this is going to sound crazy, but just in case Connor is haunting your house. He probably is a vengeful ghost and will kill me. I really have to go, okay. I’ll email you the script.” he practically ran out of your house. Connor popped up right in front of you as the door shut behind Jared, causing you to stagger back surprised.

“What the hell, (Y/N)?!” he fumed.

“No! What the hell to you, Connor!” you matched his anger. “Don’t do that shit when I have people over. Jared thinks you’re haunting the house now.”

“Well, aren’t I?” he hissed, “I can’t believe you lied to me. God, literally I told you to talk to anyone but him. But not only are you his friend, you’re inviting him over to your goddamn house. Are you trying to fuck him or something. That fucking virgin probably itching you to fuck him.” Connor was completely out of hand.

“What the actual hell, Connor. What’s your fucking problem!

“Jared! Jared fucking Kleinman is my fucking problem, (Y/N)!”

“Well he’s gone, thanks for that by the way! Just an FYI, I’d never even hug Jared if my life depended on it, let alone try and have sex with him. So, drop it!”

“Then what was he doing here.”

“A project! A stupid MacBeth one.”

“You told me you were working on that with Alana?”

Shit

You story fell through. “Shit… I… You know I couldn’t have told you.”

“Why are you working with him then?”

“Because he was the only one left in the class. Are you done interrogating me? Because now i have to worry about how to tell people my house isn’t being haunted by some freak.” You froze, your hands covering your mouth as if you could shove that last word back in, pretending you never said it.

“Go fuck yourself.” He screamed his voice cracking. You couldn’t believe you let that word leave your mouth. Especially directing it at Connor. You fucked up.

You didn’t see Connor for a full week. You tried apologizing, knowing he had to be around somewhere. He was. He always was. He’d watch you at all times. He’d watch you sit and watch TV, eat dinner with your family, watch you sleep, and write in your journal. You always felt his presence, the air always felt a little colder when he was around.

You couldn’t stand not talking to him.

The following Friday came. You looked at your friends pictures online. Then, you looked at the people from your new school pictures. And then you looked in the mirror. Coming face to face with yourself. All alone. Tears started rolling down your cheeks. You were so alone, it started to ache. Even your parents were out doing things.

You started talking out loud. “I’m so sorry, Connor. I didn’t mean that. I was… I don’t even know why I said it. I don’t believe that at all. I miss talking to you. You’re the only friend I have here and I miss you so goddamn much. I’m an idiot for saying that and I should never talk again because I always screw up and I’m the worst and I’m sorry I’m the person who moved into this house because I’m just like the people at our school. I belong there, I suppose. Even though I’m an outcast, a fucking loser. I am the freak Connor.”

“I guess we are both freaks then.” he appeared next to you on your bed. How didn’t you notice the weight before.

Tears burst out, and you cried loud. “I’m so sorry. You’re not a freak.” Connor brought you into a hug. You were shocked at first, his cold exterior touching you. You slowly put your arms around him. Not wanting to go through him.

You didn’t.

You were hugging him. Touching him.

“Connor?” you muffled into his chest.

“Mhm?” his face was buried in your hair.

“How am I touching you?”

“I think I’m letting you. I don’t really know. I don’t have a ghost manual.”

“That would’ve been handy.” the two of you chuckle lightly. But yours came out really weird because you were still crying. He squeezed you tighter.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Anything.”

“I read your diary…” you disconnect from him, staring into his eyes, bewildered.

“You did what?”

He continued. “While you were at school today. I was going through your room. And I found your black book, noticed there was writing in it. And I kind of read it all.”

“You… read… all of it?” You weren’t even mad. What you felt was worse, you were mortified.

“We never talk about your problems. I don’t know. I didn’t know you felt that way… So alone.”

You were beyond mortified. You couldn’t believe he read the entirety of your diary. “Oh god….”

“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m not gonna tell anyone. um… I mean I can’t. You’re the only person I talk to. Because I’m dead-”

“I get it, Connor.” you squeezed the bridge of your nose, not wanting to look at him. You wrote about everything in there.

“You don’t want to… you know. Um. Commit suicide.” Your head shot up, meeting his eyes. He looked so worried and sad. “Because, coming from me, it’s not at all worth it. Um, it didn’t solve anything. I almost wish I didn’t fucking do it. All I had to do was wait another year. Go to college. Pay for my own therapy. I could’ve done it. I was just so…. lost… and alone…. I couldn’t see a future. But you’re really great. You’re amazing. You’re like the best person I’ve ever met. And I wish I would’ve known you when I was alive. Maybe…. just maybe…” he quickly shut his mouth, knowing if he finished his sentence, he’d break. He turned away, knowing the tears that were welling up in his eyes were about to fall. You grabbed his hand, silently reassuring that it was okay to cry. Neither of you said anything for the rest of the night. You both just laid in your bed, staring up at the ceiling, innocently holding hands.

Both of you felt a sense of belonging for the first time in a while.

You shot up from sleeping the next morning, Connor’s body gone.

He read your diary. Fuck. You wrote about that one kid Tyler at your old school. That weird, awkward, awful sexual encounter with Tyler. Oh, my god. You’re humiliated.

He didn’t bring it up all weekend though - thank god - hopefully he never would. But then school came around Monday.

“Hey, um, (Y/N)?” a voice questioned you from behind Turning around, your eyes met Zoe Murphy’s. Shit. “I’m Zoe… er Murphy.”

“Yeah, um. I remember you. From the house sale, that is.” you stammered. Why was she talking to you.

“Oh, cool. Um, are you eating with anyone at lunch today? Because, I wanted to see if you wanted to sit with my friends and I? I’m just super confused on what we are doing in here and you seem to be the only one in class who actually knows what’s going on. And I’m trying to get in Juilliard, and I need to show them I’m not only good at playing in the Jazz band, but also at astrophysics. But if you’re busy, or sitting with other people, I totally understand.”

You shifted in your seat. You weren’t busy or sitting with others. But you didn’t want to sound pathetic. “I’m behind on some work-”

“Oh…” she looked incredibly sad. Like almost Connor-level sad. “That’s fine. Sorry, it was probably really weird for me to ask you like that-”

“No! N-no no no. It’s fine. Actually, I can sit with you! I’m not that behind.”

She smiled slightly, almost so subtly; you’d miss it if you blink. “Awesome! I sit at the first table by the window near the gym. Or, um, I could meet you-”

“Nope, I’ll just come to the table.”

“Sweet.” she nodded her head. “Um, I’ll see you there then?”

“Yeah… Um, for sure.” you said with weak excitement. Zoe waved and walked in the opposite direction.

What does she want now? People just don’t invite others to randomly sit with them. . Especially not the girl who moved into your old house who hangs out with your dead brother. Unless of course if you’re Alana and you wanted something out of it. Did Zoe want something more than a lesson in astrophysics from you?

The first half of the day dragged on, you not really being there entirely because your thoughts kept drifting off to Zoe, or Connor, or Jared, Alana, or even Evan. Didn’t Jared say something about Evan dating Zoe, and Connor said something about a mean note from Evan. Nothing made sense. You weren’t just a step behind, you were a full mile.

Lunch finally came, and you found Zoe right away. She was watching the door for you to come. There were a few of her friends at the table. They all smiled and said hi when you sat down. You caught none of their names. Zoe forced a conversation out of you. She kind of reminded you of your old friends: nice, pretty, talkative, cool without trying. You told her that. She smiled bigger, almost more subtly. In the middle of your explanation of spectroscopy, she interrupted you.

“(Y/N), what are you doing after school?”

Hanging out with your dead brother. You decided to go with: “Um, nothing I can think of.” instead.

“Cool. Um, do you wanna maybe hang out after? Um, we can get coffee? If you uh, like coffee.” she asked, you couldn’t help but to think it was a trap.

“I do, I do. But I have to get the car back for my mom in time for her to go to work-”

“I could pick you up. I mean, I know where you live.” she tried chuckling.

You didn’t know how to get out of this one. And a small part of you yearned for any type of friendship between the living. “Uh… are you sure? I could ask if my mom could just drop me off?”

Zoe reassured you, “No! No, it’s fine. It’s not out of the way.”

“Only if you really want to.”

“Yeah, of course! Do you wanna go right after school?”

“Do you actually just wanna follow me to my, er, the house?” you felt weird using personal pronouns when it previously belonged to her. She nodded, not bothered by it though.

You regretted it as soon as you made the official plan. This was gonna be weird.

This was weird.

Zoe followed behind, even though she knew the way better, she probably knew the back roads. You parked the car in the driveway, and quickly got in hers. She was staring at the house, looking at Connor’s room window.

“I live in that one.” Pointing at her old room, knowing it was hers, to distract her from Connor.

“That was mine!” She says excited. “The closet’s really nice.”

You forced out a laugh, sounding real enough. “I know! I love it. Most of my clothes are still in boxes because I’m just too lazy to put them all away.”

“No way! Me too. More than half of them are still in tubs on my floor. My mom is so annoyed by it. She’ll probably hang them up soon if I don’t.”

“My mom would never do that. She’s been in my room once. Maybe twice. She doesn’t really care what I do.” Zoe frowns at this. “N-not like she doesn’t care about me or anything. Just like what I do. I have more freedom than I know what to do with?”

“Oh… That’s actually really cool. Do you want to come to a party on Friday then?” Zoe blurted out, feeling like she had been too forward.  

“Um…” you hadn’t been to a party since your old town. What were these parties like. How do you dress? How do you act here?

“You could come over to my house, er, new house and get ready with me and the girls.” she made it sound appealing. This was a chance to meet friends.

“Yeah. Um, I’ll think about it.” Or this was a chance for everyone to find you weird. You were caught in the middle of your two-sided thoughts.

“Cool.” she stated pulling into the coffee shop. “I go here all the time. They have really good Matcha Tea. I’m not a huge coffee or tea person, but Matchas really good.”

The two of you went in, ordered (both getting Matcha, Zoe was right, it was really good), and sat down. It was odd at first. It felt like an awkward blind date that neither party wanted to be there. But after a while, you warmed up. You told her all about your old town, school, and friends. She told you about your new town, your school, and her friends.

“What are parties like here, anyway?” you gushed. “I’ve only been to parties where I know everyone. We play pong, drink, couples hookup in bathrooms, and then everyone talks about it at school the following Monday on who won at pong, who got blackout, and who had sex.”

She laughed wholeheartedly, “It’s basically the same. But we play flip cup.”

“Shit, I don’t know the rules for that.”

“Don’t worry. It’s easier than pong. Just watch what the people do before you.”

You both laugh, having genuine fun. She didn’t ask anything from you. Or use you for her advantage.

Something was off.

But you left it alone. She drove you home. It was around 8. You knew you had to work on some homework before bed, even through her protests. She told you to keep sitting with her at lunch, if you wanted to. You agreed.

You walked into your house smiling.

“Why was Zoe’s car in front of the house?”

Connor asked, scaring you half to death the minute you entered your room.

“God. You need to stop just popping up. You’re going to give me a heart-attack.”

“What? So you wanna hang out with her now? Are you sick of me? Did she tell you things about me. All the terrible things I did to her? Did you talk about me? No, that’d be ridiculous. She’d think you were crazy.”

There Connor went off again, rambling out his anxieties. “Slow down, Connor. We didn’t talk about you at all. You didn’t even come up.”

“Of course I didn’t, why would she talk about me. She’s probably glad I’m gone.

“That’s not true at all. The day… The Anniversary. She was crying in school. And she just looks sad all the time.” his face fell with even more grief. “Not like… ‘All the time’, like just when she thinks about you.”

“I thought you guys didn’t talk about me.”

“We didn’t. Sometimes you can just tell.”

“She wants something, (Y/N).”

“Like what. If she did, she would’ve asked today, not asked if I wanted to sit with her at lunch or go to this stupid party on Friday.”

“You’re going to a party? Who’s house?”

“Maybe… and I don’t know? I don’t even know if I’m going.”

“Don’t. Nothing ever good happens at party.”

“Are you, like, a party expert?” you ridiculed.

“Shut up. I’ve heard what happens.”

“I’m headstrong, Murphy. Now get out, I have to change.”

“I’ve seen you change before…” he said nonchalantly.

You turned red, “What!?” you hissed.

“I thought you knew I was there. You just walked in and threw off your shirt and pants.”

“Oh my god.” you held your head in your hands.

“ I tried to leave, but i still have to open doors to get to places. A common misconception about ghosts by the way. Or I just haven’t figured it out yet…” he didn’t realize your embarrassment, continuing to ramble.

You cut him off, “You’ve seen me naked?” you exclaimed.

“No! Just bra and underwear! Not full on. Not like Tyler.”

“Tyler?” you asked confused, then it hit you. “Oh my god!” You run to your bed, burrowing your face from all the humiliation. “Get out, you perv!” You shouted, throwing a pillow through him. “Wait how can things go through you if you can’t go through them?”

“Exactly what you said. Things can go through me, but I can’t go through them. Or at least I haven’t figured it out.”

You didn’t actual care at that moment, your distress taking over of all other worries. “Oh my god. Just get out.” you groaned, huffing into a body pillow.

He laughed as he closed the door, letting you get changed. “Lemme know when you’re done.”

You wait a minute, making sure you can’t sense him in your room. He may have been lying about the whole he couldn’t go through things. That’s when you decided. You were definitely only going to change  in your closet from now on.

Friday came. Sitting with Zoe at lunch was a lot of fun. She never brought up Connor or the house. I mean, why would she bring Connor up to you? To her knowledge, you don’t know him. You went home and immediately started getting ready for the party.

“Are you really going to that stupid fucking thing.” Connor groaned.

“Yes.” you mumbled, doing your hair in your mirror.

“Wouldn’t you rather hang out with me.” he huffed, lying on your bed, reading something.

“We hang out every day.” You looked over at him, realizing your diary was in his hands. “S-stop reading that.” you turned red, getting up and tackling him, trying to get it out of his hands. He held his one arm out, using the other to gently stop you. Your whole body was basically straddling him. Then, he turned red. Well, as much color as a ghost could get. You finally retrieved it, not noticing his bashfulness. “Ha!” you announced. Closing the book and putting in back on your bookshelf.

Connor just fell back on your bed, just staring at you. He never noticed how your hair framed your face, or how your eyes got all sparkling when you were happy, or how the corners or your mouth would twitch up when you blushed, revealing subtle dimples.

“What are you looking at. Looks like you’ve seen a ghost.” you joked, laughing at it yourself.

“Stay here. With me.” he asked vulnerable.

You paused, his tone throwing you off. You shook it off. “Come on, Con. You know I gotta go out and seem social. People are gonna start to think that I’m staying home all the time to hang out with my only friend, who’s a ghost.” You’d never called him Con before. He liked it.

“Not a chance people are going to start thinking that…” he smiled, finding that scenario completely ridiculous. And finding you completely perfect.

“I’ll be home tomorrow! All day, and we can play video games or watch movies downstairs when my parents leave.”

“Why do that tomorrow? When you could do that tonight?” Connor kept trying. You walked over to him, giving him the ever so lightest peck on his forehead. His stomach felt like it was filled with butterflies. He got that saying now.

“Tomorrow, Connor. I promise.” A beep came out from outside. “That’s your sister. I gotta go. How do I look?”

“Perfect.” he said glumly, but he meant it fully.

“I’m serious, Connor.”

“Me too…” you looked at him funny. “Go, she’s going to honk again. She’s the most impatient person ever.”

“Okay, okay.” you stood before the mirror, brushing your hair in the front, then to the back, then to the front again. Letting out a big, nervous sigh, then heading toward the door. “Bye-bye Murphy. Don’t have too much fun without me!” you called out, your door slamming shut behind you. Connor looked out the window. He meet eyes with Zoe, who was staring straight at her old room window, making what seemed like eye-contact with him. He basically ducked to the floor.

Once you got in the car, Zoe seemed panicked. “Hey, what’s wrong? Are you good.”

She quickly faked a smile, “Yeah! No, I’m good! We gotta pick up the rest of the girls.” Something was up with her.

The night sped by. You got the girls, went back to Zoe’s, touched up hair and makeup, and went to the party. It was actually only like three blocks away from your house. You were all immediately handed shots as soon as you guys walked through the door. And then a red solo cup of beer. And then a mixed drink. This house party was a lot bigger than the ones back home. You had to drink more to feel comfortable, and you sort of blacked out. Coming in and out of consciousness. At one point you were playing flip cup (and dominating), then you were doing a beer bong with Zoe (the girl somehow beat you there, not coming across as the drinking type), then you ended up in a bathroom. On a counter. With your legs and arms around some guy. Who was making out with you. What the heck were you doing.

“Connor?” You drunkenly said.

“No, er, Jared.” that sobered you up. You shoved him off, crossing your arms.

“Oh, my God. No.” you wiped off your mouth. “Hell, no. What the fuck Jared?”

“You started making out with me first. Why the hell did you just call me Connor.” Shit. Why did you call him Connor. You jumped off the counter and stormed out of the room. Someone grabbed you by the shoulder.

“(Y/N)! I’ve been looking for you.” Zoe slurred. You tried focusing on her face, but it was spinning.

“Listen, Zoe. I gotta go home.” you said back, definitely slurring your words too.

“No! You can’t!”

“Yeah, I gotta the other girls are here. You’ll be fine.”

“No, it’s not that. I need to ask you about Conmor.” She mispronounced his name, somehow slurring an M into it.

“What do you mean. I didn’t know him Zoe.” you said nervously

“No. You do. Jared told Alana that you said you see things. And there was a bang in your house and you pretended it was a cat. But you’ve never talked about a cat before. It was like you were trying to cover up. And you kept asking questions.”

“No. No it’s not like that. I just see the posters every day.”

“I saw him, (Y/N)! And you just remind me of him. Like, not like you’re mean but like, I don’t know, your humor. Like, you say things Connor would from time to time. And sometimes, I swear you smell like him. It’s like you talk to him. And I saw him, (y/n), in your room.”

Shit. Shit shit shit. You were in deep shit. Everyone is going to think of you as a fucking ghost whisperer. You had to fix it.

You started laughing, cackling.

“Zoe. Are you serious right now? Are you that drunk? We gotta find you a bed. God, you’re a treat. I haven’t laughed this hard since my old town. Wow.” you pretended to wipe a tear from your eye, humming out the last bit of fake laughs. “I’ll see you Monday.” You turned around and your smirk fell. You had to get out of there. You stumbled down the stairs. Looking for where you came in. Why does being drunk make you lose motor control and your sense of direction?

You somehow made it out and you were walking back home, tripping over your own two feet. You didn’t even realized you made it inside until you had to throw up. You bolted upstairs, going to bathroom and letting all the different kinds of alcohol up from your stomach into the toilet bowl

“(Y/N)?” You rose your head up. Shit, was that your dad.

“Occupied, Dad.” you called out, feeling like that didn’t sound drunk at all. It sounded very drunk.

“Let me in, it’s Connor. Your parents aren’t here.”

“No. I’m gross right now.” you whined out. You were too drunk to talk to him. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Who the fuck am I going to tell. The dead bugs in your window?”

“I don’t care about who you tell. I’m scared of what you’ll think of me.” There was a pause. “Connor?”

“Let me in, (Y/N).” he said so gently and nice, that itself almost made you blush. You crawl over to the door, using the knob to pick you up and then unlock it, not even realizing you locked it in the first place. Connor opened it slowly, peeking his head in as if we didn’t want to startle you. You leaned against the wall, pointing a finger at him.

“I drank a lot.” you confessed, trying to smile and act not as drunk as you were.

“Yeah, I can smell it. Are you ok-” you interrupt his sentence by running to the toilet. He followed behind, holding your hair behind you. He saw that in a movie once. He patted your back, which made you smile into the toilet.

“Isn’t it gross that we put our face so close to the toilet when we puke.” you joked, which did derive a laugh about of him.

“You’re drunk, (Y/N).”

“I know.” you lean your head against the toilet set. “Will you help me up? I wanna brush my teeth and gargle.” Connor complied, helping you up by the waist and leading you over to the sink. You got your blue tooth brush and started brushing.

“Uh, (Y/N)… You forgot the toothpaste.” he shyly told you. You started to laugh.

“Oh yeah, can you help?” he picked up the toothpaste for you and squeezed (a lot) on. Round two: you started brushing again. Making a lot of toothpaste foam. Connor just laughed. Looking at you in the mirror, only slightly annoyed he couldn’t see himself. Even like this, with all that shit dripping out of your mouth, you still looked pretty to him. He wondered what he looked like. It this state he’s in. He noticed he still had the scars on his wrists. He couldn’t help but wonder about his neck. He couldn’t help to think it’d be unfair for him to be able to look at you all the time and you had to look at the mess he was.

You brought him out of his thoughts, “Connor.”

“Mhm?”

“Stop staring at me. You’re making me self-conscious.” you blushed madly in the mirror. He looked away, allowing you to spit all the toothpaste out of your mouth. You slowly turned the water on, missing the handle the first try, and rinsed you mouth off. You took the Listerine and just started drinking it. Connor quickly took it away from you. You gargles the rest of what you had in your mouth as Connor reached for the cup. You almost spit all over his arm, if he wasn’t able to let stuff go through him.

“I’m glad you a ghost in that instance. Because that would’ve sucked.” He noted you said instance, but didn’t say anything. He walked you to your room, “How many people can say there dead best friend helps their drunk selves out. Zero. I win!” you giggled.

Connor rolled his eyes, “You’re going to be hung over tomorrow.”

“Nooooo…” you retort, as if you were a child.

He sniggered, “We aren’t going to be able to play games or watch movies. Guess I’m going to have to read your diary again.”

“Connor! Anything but that. I’ll stay awake. The less drunk I am when I go to sleep, the less hung over I’ll be. Science.” you told him, realizing the two of you were on your bed.

“No, you should go to sleep. The longer you sleep, the less hung over you’ll be. That’s Science.”

“But I don’t wanna go to sleep.”

“And why’s that.”

“Because I want to talk to you more.”

“We can talk tomorrow.”

“No.” You rise up, your face getting close to Connors. “I wanna talk now.” you whisper.

“A-about.” Connor stammered out. You were so close to him. He’d never been this close to anyone.

“Everything…” you close the distance, placing your lips on his. He’d never kissed anyone before. He never thought he would when he was dead. He kissed back for a split second, until he remembered.

He was dead. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t let you kiss a fucking dead person. He was probably cold and disgusting. He broke the kiss.

“I’m so sorry!” you panicked, creating unwanted distance between the two of you.

“Why did you do that.” Connor hissed, getting up and pacing.

“I don’t know. I’m- I’m sorry. I’m drunk.”

“Don’t ever do that again.” Connor jumped up and stomped out the door, disappearing mid-shut.

You were mortified. Your thoughts raced, thinking of everything that happened, until you passed out from all the alcohol.

Me: *sees a car pass my house*
My brain: !!! You’re being watched !!! They’re stalking you !!! Close your blinds !!! watched !!!!
Me: can you like,,, shut the fuck up and be realistic for once please

anyway so john looked at sherlock, at all of sherlock, at the crime and the experiments and the mess and the drugs and the landlady and the danger and the weird older brother, and not only did he say, “cool sign me the fuck up” he literally said “cool this saved my life and i will protect it by any means necessary” so like. if that’s not meeting the most important person of your life, idk what more you’re looking for really. 

Marauders x Reader / Make it up. ❤

Request :Could you write little blurbs for each of the marauders, watching you (their girlfriend) putting on makeup? ( A couple paragraphs for each marauder)

Hello, lovelies! ❤Well I have to admit, that I may have changed it up, a little bit, cause it was hard to write it like that, but I hope you like this version of it! If you do then let me know, it would be really nice of you, to tell me what you think about it :) 

Warnings : Blurbs gone bad?! It may have turned a bit longer 😅And also…the Sirius one happened to go in a direction, that at first I did not plan at all…(kind of racy? idk you decide)

Originally posted by marauderseraimagines

James:

“What is that? It looks like a torture device!”  

“Give it back, Jamie” you smirked at your boyfriend, trying not to chuckle “It’s just an eyelash curler” you rolled your eyes, and took it back from him.

“Y/N, are you seriously going to use that little, evil thing? Don’t even try getting it close to your eyeballs!” he exclaimed in protest, already on his feet, trying to get it out of your grip.

“Jamie!” you shouted, as he jumped on you, and began tickling your waist “Don’t be silly” you gasped, already out of your breath.

“I James Potter, have to protect you, and your poorly treated eyes. That’s my duty to fulfill” he laughed, and started placing kisses all over your face, making you giggle.

You have asked yourself far too many times, how it was possible, that every time you saw him, he made you laugh, even if you were in a bad mood. He was like a ball of sunshine, and pure energy, that radiated from him, in an infecting way.

“You are such a prat” you sighed, as he stopped, his head now hovering above yours.“Your prat, though” he winked at you, and kissed your forehead.

 “You know” you started, after a brief moment of silence “You actually missed a spot” you smirked up, at him, your eyes meeting his.

“Did, I?” he raised and eyebrow, a smug look on his face “Let me make it up to you then, love” 

Originally posted by nellaey

Sirius: 

“Red, or pink?” you asked, while holding two different lipsticks in your hand.

“Hmm…” Sirius stood up, and walked towards you, slowly getting closer “Do you have to wear any?” he smirked, and tilted your chin up “How am I supposed to kiss you then, love?” 

“Now, is that a thing that you were planning on doing?” you arched your eyebrow, an amused look, spread across your face.

“Oh, I have planned so much more for tonight” he looked straight into your eyes, his already twinkling with excitement. 

“Then what are you waiting for, Black?” you dared him. 

“Where is your patience, Y/N?”he winked at you, and jumped back on your bed.

“Mine is perfectly fine actually, now it’s time to test yours” you smirked, and turned around.

“You know, it’s really hot today” you said in an innocent voice, already hearing a nervous movement behind you “I think I’m going to change”

You removed your top, in the slowest way possible, hearing with satisfaction, as a low growl rumbled in his throat. You proceeded to unzipping your pants, as in a matter of seconds you found yourself pinned to the nearest wall. 

“That patient, aren’t you?” you whispered into his ear, your warm breath lingering over his neck.

“Oh, fuck that” he pressed his lips on yours, in a crushing, yet passionate kiss, that only being a taste of what’s yet to come.

Originally posted by marauderseraimagines

Remus:

“You know, that you don’t even need all of that, right?” Remus smiled at you, while putting aside your makeup bag.

“Believe me, I do” you laughed, at his statement, waving it off “You don’t have to lie, Rems”

“I’m not lying” he said, his voice suddenly more serious, than earlier “You are beautiful, just the way you are” he seated himself beside you, and pulled you into a warm embrace.

“You are sweet, but I know that it’s the boyfriend code, that makes you tell me such things” you giggled, clearly having none of it. Makeup was a type of shield for you, that made you more confident. It protected you from the others judgment, and you were clearly not ready to give it up, yet.

“I’m not, Y/N” he said, pulling you even closer “You are the most beautiful girl, I have ever known”

“Oh, really?” you turned your head, his face now only a few inches away, from yours.

“Mhmm” he mumbled quietly, while leaning over, and placing a soft, and delicate kiss on your lips. 

In that moment, as he held you in his arms, you truly felt like the most beautiful girl in the entire world.


Peter: 

“Yyy…You look nice”

“Thanks”


(Sorry I had to do it! He was one of the Marauders after all )

 Love you all! ❤

Unbearable Distance [Prince Sidon/Reader]

Title: Unbearable Distance 
Pairing: Prince Sidon x Reader (you)
Summary: Prince Sidon has always been overprotective of you and anxious over your depatures, whereas you’re just trying to keep yourself from being a blubbering mess.

A/N: Yo! First Sidon fanfic out of the many I plan to do. If you have a request, feel free to ask! Also. Unless specified, the reader character is gender neutral. So, my hope is that anyone who reads it will find enjoyment in it!

Lemme know your thoughts!


“Are you certain you wouldn’t just prefer for me to take you there myself?”

“No. Horseback will be more comfortable and more… dry…”

“Ah, yes. Point taken. However, I do think that if your village is so near to Lake Hylia, it would be most beneficial for me to–”

“There are merchants I need to meet along the way. Don’t worry about it.”

“My love, must you take the road less traveled? The descent through the hills, the woodlands, the pastures–they’re brimming with beasts!”

“It’s okay, seriously. Stop worrying so much.”

“Darling, please allow me–”

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The Nanny Part 7

Summary: When Bucky Barnes hired a Nanny, he thought he was going to hire someone to take care of the kid. But when she starts, he knows that she is more than just a Nanny

A/N: So here it is. Part 7 of the Nanny. I was hope this was going to be like 10 parts but idk guys. 

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1159 Words

The Nanny MasterList

~Saturday~

It had been about three days since that morning and things had resumed between you and Bucky like nothing had happened. Which, was probably for the best. It’s not wise to go poking the beast. You needed this job and you weren’t willing to risk it by bring up what happened.

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Regret - Peter Parker x (f)Reader (royalty!AU)

Words: 8436 (*jared voice* holy. shit. holy…fuckinggggg…shit.)
Pairing: Peter Parker x (f)Reader
Featuring: Father Tony Stark, Mother Pepper Potts (technically stark), May Parker. Random characters named Zoe and Connor who are not based off no one at all what you can’t accuse me of basing them off Dear Evan Hansen characters what never! (they are not siblings)
Warnings: Some swearing, swords, fighting with swords
Summary: In an alternate universe lives King Tony, Queen Pepper, and Princess (Y/N) in the Kingdom of Avenge. In the same universe lives Queen May and Prince Peter in the Kingdom of Midtown. When the Queen and Prince of Midtown visit the Kingdom of Avenge, the prince and princess meet for the first time. A rollercoaster of emotions is to come after- from both of them, from the start, thinking they will never be friends. Only after figuring out they are not what they seem do they become closer. With the help of your lady in waiting, Zoe, and castle chef, Connor, does everything fall into place.
Authors Note:  So, this is my first full out AU. I wrote a soulmate thing once but damn I think I did it wrong, but ya know. I had so much fun with this and I think this is the most detail I’ve ever put into fanfic before, so, holy. This was also for an au challenge from @tatortot2701! It was based off a prompt and I chose the prompt “You’re going to regret this.” So yeah, very long, which never! happens with me, so idk if this will ever happen again. But thank you, your au challenge has introduced me to the lovely world that is AUs!  (there’s also a lot of time skips but whatevs) (anyone catch my steven universe references?)

Tay’s AU Challenge Masterlist

Peter / Full Masterlist

Ao3


The Kingdom of Avenge was never one to think they would be on the top of the food chain. But with the past rulers doing the right things, and the current leaders being loved by their citizens, it gained popularity. What started out as a small town and kingdom, became one of the biggest, most prosperous kingdoms in all of the marvelous land. In a far off land, but not too far from the other kingdoms, lived the royal family; The Starks. Their kingdom grew and grew, and drew in more money every day. Led by King Anthony Stark and Queen Pepper, with their daughter, you, the kingdom continued to live in prosperity. People and followers loved living there, happy they lived in the land of the Avenge Kingdom. The economy was better than any kingdom could dream of, and the crime was usually taken care of by the kingdom’s most trusted guards. You and your family were living well.

You had servants and were raised to be the proper princess everyone expected you to be, thanks to your mother and father. You were awoken by your servant you had around nearly all the time, Zoe, and she helped you prepare for the day. You and Zoe are the same age, making it easy for the two of you to be close. She lays out your outfits, runs your baths, and helps you with anything you need help with. Lucky you both got along, or else you would be stuck talking to the chef all day, so at least Zoe was a friend your own age. Of course, you do love the chef, Connor. He’s a little older than you and Zoe, but he’s very likable and fun to talk to- so you don’t mind staying in the kitchen with him and his staff.

You had to admit; you were very lucky with all the things you have. A wealthy kingdom, a happy family, servants who love their jobs, and citizens who do their work and love where they live. Your life is one of the easier ones when you attend your classes taught by private tutors, and listen to your mother and father whenever they speak. The entire kingdom knows that you will make for a great queen one day.

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