idk what to put in the caption

I feel sick
or scared
or something I cant name, or something I cant put into words
I don’t know
I shouldn’t feel like this, i don’t think
or maybe I should, maybe I have a right to
or maybe I am making a huge mistake by writing this down
I don’t know
and right now, at 2:38 am, I feel like screaming until my vocal cords rip apart
or maybe crying until my eyes burn
I do both so often it’s difficult to tell which one will happen
im thinking too much and im tossing too much and there’s a candle across the room and I can feel the heat coming off of it and I am far too hot right now
I feel uncomfortable
I feel good thinking about it, I think
when your hands traveled over the parts of me that his used to roam, i felt good
I didn’t think of him and I was glad
and I was okay
right now is a different story
at 2:48 am it’s a totally different story
and I don’t know why im writing like this, I think maybe lists calm me down
but I don’t get why im not calm, I don’t know why I don’t know isn’t an emotion because it should be, it’s what I feel right now
maybe I wasn’t ready
or maybe I was
or maybe im thinking too much, or too fast
i feel sick at 3:04 am because don’t want anyone to touch me anymore
because I wanted you to and you did but that was something he used to do
because I wanted you to kiss me and you did but that was something he used to do
because everything was something he used to do
and it all comes back to him and he’s the reason I feel sick
he made me sick
and im angry that I still write this shit about him because all of it is shit and everything I say is shit
the problem with falling in love with the devil at fourteen is not knowing who he is. you don’t even believe in god, you don’t believe in the devil, but something about being with him makes you feel so good and nothing could bring you down from cloud nine.
I can feel the heat from the candle again even though it’s across the room or maybe it’s because im piled under these blankets since it’s the only quiet place I feel alright
the problem with falling in love with the devil at fifteen is not knowing how to breathe without him. it’s having an oxygen tank, but the thing is only he has control of it and can take it away whenever he pleases.
the problem is him being the cause of your attempts and we all know which ones, and every fucking slash on your damned wrists from now until you learn that you can be okay without him.
the problem with running away from the devil at sixteen is being too scared to be with someone new. the problem is thinking that you don’t deserve any good person who comes your way. and I don’t know if that will go away, but I hope to god it does
because I don’t want to ruin someone who is so good, someone who deserves so much more than me
you deserve more than me, who still writes about the one person I don’t want to write about
I don’t want to ruin you
and at 3:25 am,  I don’t feel sick. but I can still feel the candle, and the flame is a bit too bright, and it’s all okay
and I don’t know if I wrote this for you because this is definitely not a love poem. it’s just bits and pieces of thoughts that I held onto long enough to write down
but that’s okay I think, even though it seems bipolar
im okay too
im okay hopefully
—  when did i get ruined so badly?

anonymous asked:

i mean it's editable for a reason... It's my blog and i decide what i want there. In the end, you're putting stuff on the internet, you gotta count with that.

ya but you can always add a comment rather than delete the caption. idk I personally don’t like when anyone’s original caption is removed