So, this past year I hit a really low point. Started doing a few drugs (not as much to be addicted at any level, but more than I had wanted) and consumed myself with the lives of others, which didn’t leave me much time to focus on myself and to even think through what I was doing. I got caught up, and to make things worse, I came on Tumblr to start looking for new ways to make more money. (Selling pictures to random guys) Though I never followed through with anything, just the thought of it now kind of disgusts me. I’m into girls way more, and to think I had hit that low…idk. Things slowly started looking up around November/December, but things really didn’t start falling into place until the new year. I’ve been doing better now than I have in probably five years. I hope to keep it up, and I intend to do so. But, I’m afraid my demons will come back to haunt me. Though I’m not in any rush, I really really would love a sweet girl to make happy and cherish. I’ve got so much love in my heart, but I’ve also got a past, and I’m afraid that makes me unloveable, or to the least makes things a bit more complicated usually. I don’t want complicated, I’ve always wanted something simple. Someone to lay in bed with me and read our books and do little games/crafts together. Someone to comfort me and I comfort them. But I think I may have ruined that chance and I don’t know if I’ll be able to ever have it. I made my bed, and now I must lay in it. I’m just hoping that one day things will look up and maybe I’ll be wrong about this.
Namjoon's favorite time of day is probably about 6 am (whether he's just waking up or he hasn't gone to sleep yet). He'll sit outside or go for a walk, savoring the feeling of being the only one awake besides the occasional night shift workers heading home. He loves to watch the sun rise, watch the fog around him begin to soften and become lighter as the light of day begins to break through. This is when he really gets to be alone with his thoughts and sort out his day.