I hate that I'm trans. I'd do anything to be cis gendered. No one sees me as a man. I have no place where I can be me. Idk what to do anymore. If I transition im going to lose my family. I hate myself
You gotta take care of yourself before anyone else. Obviously living how you are right now isn’t working, even if it’s preserving your relationship with your family.
Do what you need to do to be happy with the person you wake up with. Make that your number one priority. Align your life with that cause and don’t stop until you wake up to it.
Then you can take time for other people.