idk what else i should write here

Fuck You (Connor Murphy x Female!Reader Smut)

A/N: This is my first smut so yikes I’m sorry if it sucks and I want to send a special thanks to @problematicc-favs for encouraging me to write this, if you’re not already following them you should be cause they’re the real MVP

Summary: An argument between you and Connor leads to something much more heated

Warnings: smut, probably bad writing, got lazy at the end, ??? Idk what else to put here please tell me if there’s something I need to add!


“The hell are you doing here?”

You jumped slightly, glaring over your shoulder when you recognized the voice. Connor Murphy. “Zoe invited me. What, did you think I decided to come over and rob you of all your water bottles?” You nudged the fridge door shut with your foot and unscrewed the cap on the bottle you had just taken out.

Without the light coming from inside the fridge the kitchen was dark, you could barely make out Connor’s silhouette. “If Zoe invited you then shouldn’t you be with her?” He sounded almost offended that you had run into him.

“If I had known I would run into you,” you took a swig of water before setting the bottle on the counter beside you “I would’ve opted to stay in her room and watch her sleep.” His eyes narrowed at you, clearly irritated.

Before you knew what had happened, Connor had grabbed hold of your wrist and was dragging you towards his room, grumbling angrily under his breath.

“Connor, what the fuck is your problem?!” You whisper yelled once he closed the door to his room in an attempt to keep from waking up the entire household.

“My problem is you! You just think you’re so fucking perfect, everyone else does too. My entire family seems to think you’re some kind of fucking angel!” He shouted, gesturing wildly as he did so.

“Maybe you just gave them low standards.” You retorted with a satisfied smirk, you knew you probably shouldn’t have but you couldn’t help it. He looked kinda hot when he was irritated.

Connor walked towards you, backing you up against the wall. “You’re so….” he looked down to see you smirking at him and for a moment and seemed to lose all self control. He pushed your shoulders into the wall and let out a small growl before he leaned in to connect his mouth with yours.

You were surprised to say the least, but you weren’t complaining. You kissed him back, moving your hands to grab fistfuls of his shirt.

“Get on the bed.” Connor said firmly as he pulled away from you. You didn’t think to argue and moved to sit on the edge of his bed. “I’m so fucking tired of you acting like you’re in a position of power all the time,” he mumbled as he tried to undo his shirt buttons angrily “its long overdue for someone to teach you a lesson.”

Your eyes widened slightly as he made his way over to you, you hadn’t been anticipating this when you came over tonight and half of you was wondering how you’d got into this situation. All your doubts subsided however when you felt his lips on yours again, taking advantage of your shocked expression and slipping his tongue into your mouth. His hands made their way under your shirt in no time, pushing it up and pulling away for a moment to remove it completely.

“Connor..” you whined quietly as he moved his mouth down to your neck. He bit down on you when he heard you say his name, causing your hand to move up into his hair as you let out a moan. You swear you could feel him smirking into your neck while his hands found their way to rest on your chest.

He reached behind your back to undo your bra, damn he really wasn’t wasting any time. You felt yourself being pushed back down onto the bed. “Don’t move. Got it? If you do I’m leaving you like this.” You nodded furiously, earning an amused chuckle from Connor. “Good girl.” He said condescendingly. You tried not to to let it show how much that small praise effected you.

Connor leaned down and started leaving open mouthed kisses down your jawline and continuing towards your chest, reaching one of his hands down to rest on your thigh. “Please….” you whimpered quietly, pressing your legs together, desperate for some attention between your legs.

He liked you begging, he rolled his hips lightly so you could barely feel his erection press against your crotch. Connor listened to your whines for a little longer, teasing you by moving his fingers along your thigh, achingly close to where you wanted him. “Please.” You say again and he gives in.

Connor sat up and hooked his fingers under your underwear, pulling them and your pants down with one tug. You shiver slightly at the feeling of being exposed and he moved his hand up your thigh and then between them, feeling how wet you were. “Damn, you must be really desperate for me right now. Maybe you’re the one with low standards.” He smirked, obviously proud of his effect on you.

You gasped when you felt him slip a finger inside of you, curling it agonizingly slow. “Fuck, Connor,” you said breathlessly, trying to think of something witty to say but coming up blank. He added a second finger and you closed your eyes to take in the feeling. He moved his fingers at a faster pace, his eyes locked on your face to study your expression. You groaned loudly and he closed his eyes, reaching down to his crotch and rubbing himself through his jeans.

Connor grew impatient and removed his fingers from you. Your eyes flew open and you let out a whimper at the feeling of him leaving you, only to be greeted with the sight of him moving his fingers to his mouth to clean them off. He moved to a drawer and pulled out a condom before looking at you, silently looking for permission. You nod your head slightly and watch as he pulls his pants down and puts the condom on before returning to you.

He moved on top of you and kissed you again, it was still a rough kiss but…there was almost a sense of sincerity in it. He lined himself up with you and pushed into you slowly. Your hand flew into his hair again, forgetting all about his previous command not to move, he didn’t seem to care. You tugged on his hair lightly, earning a moan from him, it seemed to spur him on and he seemed to pick up his pace and thrust into you.

After awhile you could feel yourself start to build and dug your nails into his back. He could tell you were getting closer and began going harder. “You think you’re so. Fucking. Perfect.” He practically growled, punctuating each of the last three words with a rough thrust of his hips. It sent you over the edge and you came moaning his name, taking him with you.

He remained on top of you, panting for a moment before getting up and disposing of the condom. Connor laid down beside you.

“Fuck you.” He mumbled and moved his hair out of his face.

“You just did.” You said rather seriously before glancing over at him.

Your eyes met for a moment, calm for the first time that night and you both let out a genuine laugh.
searching for a sweet surrender (but this is not the end) - nouiiam - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own]
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: One Direction (Band), The Voice (UK) RPF
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Niall Horan/Original Female Character(s), well tbh, niall just talks about wanting to sleep with someone, never really happens
Characters: Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Cher Lloyd, Lou Teasdale
Additional Tags: GUYS GUYS, okay so i watched an interview with blake adam usher and shakira, AND I GOT REALLY EXCITED ABOUT WRITING THIS, BECAUSE LOUIS IS ADAM, AND HARRY IS BLAKE, AND NIALL IS SHAKIRA, so so so, I wrote it, here it is, now for some real tags, Friends to Lovers, Famous Harry, Famous Louis, zayn and liam are actually romeo and juliet, idk what else to tag this as?, AU, it mentions Zayn singing beyonce at some point, thought i should tell you that

Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles, the two most loved coaches on The Voice UK known for their banter on the show and best friendship off. Louis’s determined to win and finally end Harry’s winning streak with Zayn Malik on his team, but Harry’s flirting and Liam Payne have different plans.

— Or an AU based off the Voice where Louis’s Adam, Harry’s Blake, Niall’s Shakira, Zayn and Liam have a cliche Romeo/Juliet love story and Louis’s too old for pathetic pining.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I love your fics! :D Would it be possible for you to rec me some of your favourite fics and authors please? I'm not keen on death fic but anything else is good, WIPs, one shots, angst, fluff... I'm open to anything! Thank you!

welFirst thank you so much and second again I am SO SORRY this took so long to do pls forgive me if you even see it.

okay so i know on the last list I put  safe in your hands but like? I don’t care. its beautiful and needs attention and @capseycartwright should hurry up and give me more. It’s a magic au and its LOVELY.

head first into the fire  by @vckaarrob is … well anon its smut tbh but ITS SO GOOD and anyways read it and frankly if you’re a fan of the smut i also highly recommend this “why were we arguing” prompt from Vic as well

Need You Now by @turquoiseterrier now this is a WIP and it also deals with some VERY dark subject matter. So please please head the tags and warning before you read. its probably not a fic for everyone.

Don’t you let me go  by @wolkje25 this is also a WIP buta warning, it hasn’t been updated in a while [im always holding out hope for a surprise update] but Robert ends up temporarily blind following the explosion at the scrap yard with chrissie.

When You Know…You Know  by @scrapyardboyfriends a very cute WIP about Robert coming home a whole lot sooner than he did in show and the friendship [and more] that forms with Aaron.

It’s All Greek To Me by @dorsetti i mentioned this one of the last list too but i think its still really flown under the radar and it deserves attention, but its a wip about greek life robron and i love it.

scaling fences by @vckaarrob again its a SUPER CUTE teenage bff au and its so so lovely and vic might murder us all with smut but she can crush a soul with fluff too

sure as the world keeps the moon in the sky  by @aarobron it’s her big bang so you might have already read it BUT if not it’s a neighbors falling in love au and?? it ruined me for life i love it so much. i WOULD have put the tennis au here but SOMEONE hasnt finished writing it yet >.>

maneuver one into place by @robertjacobsugdens another big bang this time an oceans 11 au that im still tryin to convince a hoe to write a sequel too

The Hardest Science by well sadly idk who they are on tumblr so someone should give them a shout out for me, but its an AU where robert has his memories of Aaron erased and then rolls back into Emmerdale none the wiser while literally everyone else remembers what this dumb bitch did a few weeks ago. its SO good. i also really enjoy how they write Aaron.

So those are some of my current picks, I tried to not overlap with the last list [this is why you see a lack of teacher a even tho id die for more parent teacher au but anyways] some solid writers you should look into are







Now I most definitely left off people that are incredible writers because its honestly not possible to list everyone, our fandom is big and talented, these are just some of my faves

anyways love you hoes

stiles stilinski imagine // idk what the title should be so here you go

Summary: (Y/N) is new at BHHS. Her first lesson chemistry & her teacher was Mr. Harris. She hadn’t expected anything else but it hurt her a little when she realized that she was sitting alone. Only until a boy came late for class and realizing that only one seat was still available.

Characters: (Y/N) x reader , Stiles Stilinski,

Word Count: idk


‘There it is.’, you thought. You stand in front of the BHHS, not knowing what is going to happen throughout the years, not knowing where your first class is, not knowing anyone nor anything.

“Your locker is that one and your fist class is in this classroom.” The lady said as she circled some numbers out.
‘Thank you.’, you said politely even though you knew she wouldn’t care if you even said nothing.


You had trouble finding your first class but eventually you were sitting in the right one.
At one table in the third row. Alone.
You didn’t expect anything else because still, no one knew you but it was a little heartbreaking ‘cause none of your classmates found the interest in talking to you.

You lost your train of thoughts when the teacher yelled: “Stilinski! 5 minutes late!”
“Sorry!”, the apparent 'Stilinski’ mumbled while he almost fell in front of everyone.
“Wow” slipped out of your mouth while the pen you were holding glided out of your hand, falling at the ground causing him to look at you. You gazed at him; Into his gold/brown eyes that shimmered beautifully in the light, his messy brown hair & his scattered freckles around his face that were more than just cute. He was beautiful.
“Take a seat”.
Those words made you loose your train of thoughts again. You looked around, realizing that the only available seat in that room was next to you.
The beautiful boy took the seat.
“Huh? Oh, yea- umm… (Y/N).” You smiled a little, still embarrassed of your reaction of when you saw him.
“Cute name.” he smiled at you.
You blushed, causing him to laugh a little.
“Thanks.” You gazed at him again.
“So what is it about that look you gave me already 2 times in 5 minutes?” He smirked.
“uh- well.. i-i don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He started laughing a little. “It’s ok you don’t have to answer.” He put his hand on your thigh to calm you down because you were obviously a little nervous, but before you could react he threw his hands in the air and said “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that. That was stupid of me. I am stupi-”
“It’s ok. Don’t worry about it.” You grinned at him.
“I’m a jerk, I’m sorry. Are you new?”
“Yes. Yes I am new and I have no idea where my next classes are”
“Well, Miss 'I don’t know where my classes are’ would you give me the honor to take you to your next classes?”
You laughed “You’re weird, but I really like you”


The bell rang.
Stiles started packing his stuff into his backpack. You did the same.
“You have your next class with me on 2nd floor” Stiles said while he was leaning against the table in front of you & looking at your schedule.
“Oh, ok great.” You stood in front of him, looking at his beautiful eyes which were still looking at
your schedule.
He looked up.
You watched each other until he leaned in.
You did so too.
You felt his nose on yours until Mr. Harris interrupted. “Out of my class. Immediately.”
You two both said “Ok.” And ran off.
There was an awkward silence between you two as you were walking down the hallway.
“Hey Stiles!” you turned around to see who it was. A  boy with an uneven jawline.
“Hey man. What’s up?”
“Oh God I’m an idiot. (Y/N), Scott. Scott, (Y/N).”
You giggled.
“Nice to meet you” Scott said. “Hey I talked to Lydia and she finally wants to hang out with you!”
That sentence hit me ,so I started walking off.  
Wow. It’s my first day at this new school. Everything is going well, I start liking a boy who actually tried to kiss me and know I find out that he likes another girl?
“(Y/N), wait!” He started running towards me but I hadn’t stopped walking. Stiles had faced me. “Who is Lydia?” I sounded like a jealous girlfriend.
He was silent for a moment. “A girl I had been in love with since 3rd grade.”
“Well congratulations, now you have a date with her.” I stormed off.
Why am I like this?
I don’t even know him.
Why do I sound like a jealous girlfriend?
I asked myself all these questions but unfortunately, I had no answers for them.


Stiles POV

“Thanks, you just ruined everything.”
“Sorry man I-”
I ran off, not caring what my best friend had to say. There was something about her that I couldn’t explain.
I think I was falling for her. I knew that I had only known her for a couple of hours but that didn’t matter. “I have to find her.” I said to myself.
So I looked everywhere. At the lacrosse field, the girls dressing room, the girls toilets, the hallways & even our classroom. And now, I walked towards my car like I always do when I am frustrated or pissed.


I found myself laying on top of a Jeep Roscoe.
I heard footsteps coming closer so I got up to see who it was. Stiles.
I ran up to him and hugged him tightly.
“I am sorry I shouldn’t have reacted that way I mean I don’t even know you but still-” I talked so fast the whole time, “I like you so darn much I don’t even know how I can possibly like someone as much as I like you in only one day and-”
the next second I felt his lips on mine. My hands on his neck and my cheeks cupped in his hands.
We put our forehead at each other’s as we pulled apart.
“Did you know that that is my jeep?” He pointed at the blue vehicle I was lying on a moment ago.
I giggled.
“Not until now.”

Rajigaze Dec 23

Reita (reading mail): “I’ve been dating my boyfriend, a full-time worker, for 6 months. I’m still a student so we don’t have many chances to meet, but this Christmas we both happened to get the day off so we’ll be able to spend it together. It’s our first Christmas together and I want to get him a surprise present, but our age difference is pretty big so I’m having trouble deciding what I should get him. I want some advice from you two! I’m seriously looking forward to your anniversary live! I hope I can see the GazettE a lot next year! We rock!”

Uruha: Hmm…

Reita: So they have an age difference – I wonder how much? Well anyway, we don’t know but…they’ve been dating for half a year, and it’s their first Christmas together, and she wants to get him a surprise present.

Uruha: That’s the happiest time, isn’t it? (*I think he means in the relationship, because it’s still the beginning)

Reita: So what would you suggest for a present? Like, if you get him this, your relationship will go well.

Uruha: Ahhh, but that’s really the most fun time, isn’t it?

Reita: Please suggest a present!

Uruha: But honestly I just think they’ll be happy just to be with each other!

Reita: Yeah, yeah, I know! BUT! She wants to get him a prESENT! A surprise present.

Uruha: Hmm…a surprise, huh…I wonder…what would you consider a surprise Christmas present at this age?

Reita: Me?

Uruha: I mean, we’ve already given you pretty much everything.

(Uruha giggles)

(Reita cackles)

Reita: Yeah, we’ve already worn it out…

Uruha: We’ve covered everything

Reita: We’ve covered everything…and there’s just no feeling in it anymore

Uruha: Mhm…

Reita: Yeah…..but what could she give him that would make him happy? A thing, or…

Uruha: Her heart?

Reita: I mean, it really is the heart, but…

Uruha: This, right? *pounds chest*

Reita: Here? *pounds chest*

(both laughing)

Reita: My chest muscles are sore, I can’t hit it too much!

(both gigglin n gigglin)

Uruha: But what should she give him? Other than her heart

Reita: Oh! I get super happy when people write me letters…or like, how about a homemade cake!? Or…it could be like accessories, or something else you buy…we have to suggest something!

Uruha: A homemade cake would be nice eh?

Reita: Yeh homemade cake

Uruha: A letter…like, yeah it’s nice, but…idk….that goes along with the gift, you know? That’s not like, the main part.

Reita: Ohh, like when you give them the gift, the letter comes with it?

Uruha: Yeah, you just write like a few words…you don’t have to write that much

Reita: Okay so what should she get?

Uruha: I…I like the cake idea…..

Reita: Cake……

Uruha: But isn’t that a lot of work to make?

Reita: Yeah, it seems like it would be.

Uruha: It’s too much effort

Reita: Yeh

Uruha: You gotta think of like a design too…

Reita: Yeh

Uruha: Too much work

Reita: Yeah and like, if she’s going to his house, she could just take the cake there, but if they’re meeting somewhere first and going out, she’d have to bring the cake…..

Uruha: Ahhhhh….well then, they can eat the cake when they get home, so couldn’t she just bring it along with her…I guess not…….

Reita: (laughs) What, like she’s gonna take the cake to the movies?

Uruha: Hmmm…

(Reita laughin)

Uruha: Yeah I didn’t think about that

Reita: It should be something that’s not too big n bulky

Uruha: Well, she has to walk around with it…so what about like a teddy bear!

Reita: (laughing) Well like I guess…is she even gonna have time to get something? Like, this is broadcasting in the middle of the night on the 23rd…and she’s meeting him 2 days later! No matter what we suggest she’s not gonna have time to get it!

(Uruha laughs normally)

(Reita laughs very hard)

Uruha: She can’t wait for us to answer, she has to get ready!

Reita: Yeh……why don’t we just forget it then

Uruha: hehe

Reita: HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Uruha: Do cake! do the cake!

Reita: Yeahhh! I would be so happy if I got a homemade cake!

Uruha: Yeah

Reita: Yeh…do u like cake

Uruha: Idk I don’t really eat it

Reita: I like kugurofu

Uruha: Huhuhu

Reita: Kugurofu, and…what was that other one…I forgot (laughs)

Uruha: Well it’s been a week

Reita: Hexon house?

Uruha: Hehehehehehe

Reita: What was it…? Oh hexenhaus!

Uruha: Bush something 

Reita: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA– yeah so get him cake and a letter.

Uruha: Yeah

Reita: Yeah

Uruha: Yeah

Can you hear me?

“Can you hear me?” I don’t understand how I could or even should hear it but I did. Coming from beneath the waters of that still lake. A voice, clear as the waters this lake would have during the day that I was fishing on, loud enough to make me feel like it was right in my ear, yet soft enough to hear what was definitely pain inside that plea. “You’ve been hitting the bottle too much Riley. That’s enough for tonight” I chuckle to myself. The moonlit water was always my sanctuary from the constant blaring noise and flickering neon lights of the city. None of that here. Just the crisp breeze of the wind, the stars shining on the now black waters of the night lake. “Help me…” I thought I heard but I don’t have time to react before my fishing line tugs softly, then hard. Something pulls on my roughly, angrily it seems for being snagged. “Goddammit, there shouldn’t be anything this big in the lake, it’s too shallow.” I try to reel in the line, pulling on both my pole and using the reel with all of my strength. I grunt, having never used so much force, “Argghhh..” when the line snaps. All that’s heard afterwards is the echoing of the loud thud from my behind hitting the inside of the boat. Catching my breath for a few moments, I get back up to check on the now broken line. My boat begins to rock, as if it’s starting to shake. Something seems to be trying to rock it. I try to balance myself and the boat by keeping my feet right against the inside edge, but it doesn’t stop. Faster and faster the boat rocks when all of a sudden, it stops. “F*** this, I’m done” I say to nobody I thought. “HELP ME!! HELP ME!!! HELP ME!!!!!” Loud screams fill my ear, hell bent on making them bleed. They grow grow louder, shrieking agonizingly in my ear drums. I lose my balance as the boat is starting to rock again, harder than before. I don’t remember hitting the water. Everything is in shades. I’m swimming underneath the water but there isn’t a way to resurface. The moon looks disgustingly gray now. I don’t know if I can do anything now. What happened? Who was calling to me? What was that voice? Wait, I think I see something. It’s… It’s a boat! Yeah! “Hey!” I swim up closer to the boat. It’s you! I see you! “Hey! Oh my goodness, I thought I was losing it, I’m so glad you’re here…” You look down right at me but it doesn’t seem like you notice me. “Hey!” I’m losing my mind. I don’t understand. What should I do? I swim as close as I can. You’re right there… “Can you hear me?”

reluming  asked:

same bottle, same gun: two shots + 4 and 11? :D

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Look, I’m just gonna cheat here completely and list three chunks of dialogue that I couldn’t pick between. Don’t judge.

„Should you be in need of a place to fuck,“ Eleanor said loudly, making sure her voice carried to the rafters, and picked up her rifle, „we have clean rooms at good prices. Else go to the brothel next door or some alleyway. I’ll be sending someone along, so I suggest you find your purses or finish up quick.“ A tentative crackling of straw answered. „After I have left this stable,“ Eleanor added and exhaled in noisy exasperation. 

I like seeing Eleanor as the pragmatic businesswoman, even at 17. The small, mundane realities of running a tavern that she has to take care of, even while managing island politics. Also, it’s funny.

“But I was born on this island, I grew up here. There’s not a leaf that would rustle nor a stone that would scatter to give me away.”

Eleanor in canon is deeply connected w Nassau, to the point she eventually can’t tell herself apart from it; she dies when Nassau is razed to the ground. She never left the island until she was brought to England for trial. I feel like in a way, she demands reciprocation of the trust and protection that she extends to the island. She’ll imagine it, if she has to, but she craves for this place to give back for all that she invests in it. And not just metaphorically or its people, but the very island itself, its leaves and rocks and beaches. She feels absolute ownership and wants to be recognized and owned by this place in turn. Her father doesn’t even claim her properly as his daughter, so she’ll be the island’s daughter instead.

“I don’t believe them. I know that I’m right and that my word must be law. But it galls me. To know they feel themselves right, when they can’t see what I can see, can’t do what I can do.”

Is it Flint’s or Eleanor’s? Can you tell just by the quote? I feel that this shared way of seeing themselves as outside of pirate society, even while they hold significant positions of power in it, even as it enables them in ways civilisation never would, is not talked abt enough.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I rly struggled to write Eleanor, she’s such a complex character and I was fumbling to figure out where she might be at mentally, at this point in time. She’s younger and less experienced, just barely building her reputation, but there’s all the makings of the Queen of Thieves already there, ready to burst into bloom. This is the very night she dumped Vane’s sorry ass after using him to drive off Teach: she’s experiencing a rush of power that is almost terrifying. She’s young and vulgar and pragmatic, reckless and charismatic and hungry. I’ve never written Eleanor before and was v intimidated and rly wanted to do her partnership w Flint justice bc I love them so much. In hindsight I’m quite happy how she and her burgeoning relationship w Flint turned out.

Oh and I’m v happy w the “two shots, poured from the same bottle, fired from the same gun” metaphor. I just feel like it rly embodies how I view these two, bc “two sides of the same coin” feels like the go-to description and it’s just… not entirely wrong, but it doesn’t hit the spot either. I’m v v particular abt metaphors. (Also the dragon motif for Eleanor!)

Ask me about my fics!

read same bottle, same gun: two shots


I’m just here and I really feel like writing a post because I have tummy issues today and I have nothing else better to do LOL
Anyways, I still feel really weird about having graduated and seeing all my friends at uni having fun and i’m kind of still lost as to what I should be doing but life seems to be falling into place better for me? At least I really hope so
I mean, I don’t have many friends back here so it definitely gets to me because it went from living with 5+ roommates to back at home with my parents and having my closest friends all sparsed out geographically. I want to talk about things and confide in people and have conversations in person but literally can’t and to be honest it’s definitely super lonesome. 
On the other hand, my fitness goals have been going well besides the fact that my abs refuse to come out (I plan to have them more visibly by Halloween), BUT I squatted 200 pounds and did 7 pull ups the other day!!!!!! I’m also getting more flexible, and I can’t put my finger on how but no complaints here. I still definitely need work in every aspect but i’m proud of myself so far and hope to just continue. As cliche as it is, working out has been my saving grace through a lot and seems to be the only thing i’ve actually grown to be decently good at that definitely shows.
Oh and you know what else has happened even though I was convinced that it never would especially now that i’m done uni? Well, I managed to find a lovely man!!!!  Unfortunately things are kind of difficult given that he works a ton so I barely get to see him, but I understand that life… i’ve been there, it’s hard
He told me he wants me to be his. I’m really starting to fall for him hard but i’m still so terrified to get hurt. I have vocalized this to him, but nobody ever starts with the intention of malice or to hurt you… at least most people anyway lol
I’ve always wanted somebody that proves to me that he wants to be with me and nobody else, somebody who is willing to be vulnerable with me, make the effort and who I could have hard conversations with, get into spats with but communicate and resolve things, be completely open with and so far I could honestly say that’s what i’m getting but my insecure little heart can’t seem to accept that everything will be fine. Definitely not used to this
I just hope that with this little turn around my life just progresses nicely from here because I just really want to be super happy and not lost and confused and backtracked like i’ve felt for a while since i’ve moved back here

I was writing a little vent thing about my mother, (as I am wont to do) and it accidentally turned into prose, like I was writing a fiction about somebody else. And I think it came out pretty good??? Idk if I should post it here or not, cause I feel like it’s a bit longer and heavier than what I usually write on my blog. Also it almost feels like part of a story that isn’t finished yet, even though it’s literally just a (flowery) account of our actual lives and feelings and stuff. Like idk maybe I actually could insert part of it into some story I write? (But also I’m like… kind of proud of it and wanna make other people read it rn lol.)