idk what am i to do with myself now

the times my son, harry james potter, was the sass king

  • there’s no need to call me ‘sir’, professor
  • it’s just, you can’t break an unbreakable vow. I’d worked that much out  for myself funnily enough.
  • wow, I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life 
  • whatcha fell ova for? I didn’t do it on purpose
  • the task is two days from now. really? I had no idea 
  • did you think we’d be staying in five-star hotels? finding a horcrux every other day?
  • but I am the chosen one
  • tell them I mean no harm. I’m sorry, professor. but I must not tell lies.
  • listening to the news! again? well, it changes every day, you see
  • yeah, you can have a word. good-bye
  • I know what day it is. well done. so you’ve finally learned the days of the week
  • just do what I did, harry! what, drop my wand?
  • an interview? what do you mean? I mean a reporter asked me questions and I answered them
  • It’s time you learned some respect! It’s time you earned it.
  • they stuff people’s heads down toilet the first day at Stonewall. Want to come upstairs and practice? no, thanks. The poor toilet’s never had anything as horrible as your head down it — it might be sick
  • Sure you can manage that broom, Potter?… Shame it doesn’t come with a parachute — in case you get too near a dementor. Pity you can’t attach an extra arm to yours, Malfoy. then it could catch the Snitch for you.

honestly there’s always this sense of inadequacy in my min d like it never feels like i’ll be good enough t o achieve what i want and to do well in school or be significant in any way idk why i put myself down so much but ??????? it just feels like i’m Not Great in the grand scheme of things n everything else is a lot better than me??? 

;; throws self headfirst into the sun

hey guys hey so literally all i managed today was three asks. i’ve had a persistent headache all day and have been dealing with what i suspect are withdrawal symptoms bc i can’t get one of my meds refilled until tuesday. c’: basically wow how feasible is throwing myself into the sun, like is that something we can make happen or

and okay i wasn’t gonna say anything bc whatever, obvs i’m not required to do my drafts or anything but now that plans have been confirmed, i am doing Life Things tomorrow and thus… may not manage any drafts again. so i did decide to say something, i guess.

idk dudes my body feels weird in a bad way so we’ll see what happens. probably gonna get some early sleep. as always, you guys are all awesome. i hope your nights are going well 

anonymous asked:

When I was younger, I was molested by a father figure... for so many years I slept with countless guys to try to feel something and hide from myself that I am lesbian. Idk if it stems from the abuse or not, all I know is I hate boys and I'm totally into girls. I'm just so scared now to come out bc I feel like no one will believe me 😶. What should I do? I'm lost.

Hello,

First I want to say thank you for sharing. Second what happened is not your fault. You father was a jerk and that may have an effect.

I will personally tell you that I suffered something like this but learned a lot about myself and how I truly felt. But I will say if you have been with other men it will help. Be sure that you are doing what you need for yourself. I also want to say that attraction can been tough to truly understand but I am curious what draws you to other women? That will truly determine if you are attracted to them sexual that is not due to what your father did (that is personally how I figured it out). Just do what you feel is best for you.

~Melody (Mel)~

Hormones keep changing my motivation system I can’t keep track of what I care about

maybe that’s why I’m so depressed

what’s the point

im Mt[vomit-inducing-monstrosity] right now

why am i doing this i can’t pass at all

im making everything worse

im so depressed

i should just take lots of testosterone stuff anf try to fit in as an imp or goblin

both very accepted and ancient positions in the t-sphere

idk i wish i didn’t look so immensely gross

i could just transition

it’s not going to work im just making myself uglier and gaining more weight and entropy-ing my brain more

i wish my body weren’t so repulsive or were repulsive in a feminine way

im really depressed

i keep saying ill stop but i like these hormones and want to pass i want to integrate

like i can’t but i don’t always listen to me

my face looks so terrible i wonder how many mutations are in my genes everything seems disproportionate

i don’t know why no one’s lit themselves on fire and flung their body into the sea upon seeing me

everything’s so wrong why don’t people express their sense of horror?

few people want to touch me im so creepy etc i want to touch many people, not worthy, repulsive etc etc etc

standard issue emotional reactions; boring

its 0450

everyone hates me no one wants to ever associate with me ever again etc more standard issue assertions

how do i get people to hang out and talk and not panic

i tried to have a threesome recently but one of the people had a panic attack and was very nauseated. and i helped as much as i could and talked with their girlfriend about things to do

oh yeah. it was validating kind of. like that’s exactly the reaction i expect from people

i guess not everyone has enough of an anxiety disorder to pull it off

im trying to be kinder too idk if this is kind or mean there’s a bit of a trinity with honesty, kindness, and cleverness and it’s hard to balance them all all the time

it’s 0504 so i think im down to just honesty and am setting aside kindness and cleverness b/c they feel less central

“im just going to go to bed” reports regional patron saint somnlog the encia:
crowd looked happier but still a little uneasy:
“im also going to sleep” the depressed lump burbled:
the crowd smiled, nodded understandingly, and quickly dispersed::

anonymous asked:

I feel so sad when I look to my past and present.. I was always such a healthy, happy child, nothing was ever wrong till I got this idea of lose weight and now look what it did.. I am underweight, unhappy with myself, I feel like a disappointment to everyone in my life. I didn't even suffer "bullying" with my previous weight, idk why I decided to diet. I'm sorry I am venting with u, I don't rly feel like I have someone who I can do it with.

Oh bean :((((( I feel this so so deeply. Yes genetics come into play and things happened in my childhood that conditioned me to turn to destructive methods of comforting myself and gaining control but I also feel so so sad when I look at that relatively happy, intelligent, curious 10 year old, who saw my parents dieting and going on Weight Watchers, who read a book on bulimia and thought, “that’s something to try out,” and proceeded to let something into her life that would destroy so much of what she loved.

What gives me comfort is that that child still lives in me. Every time I eat pizza on a whim, or dance around my apartment, or hug myself after a good cry, or run along the beach smelling the salty air feeling free, I am honoring my inner child. We haven’t destroyed our souls. We can still make the bravest move of all, to love and live our meaningful lives. 

Venting is so so important, I am always here if you want to talk <3

Sometimes (like once a week) i examine and reflect on my gender and the result is always me saying to myself “honey idk what you are but you are like not cis at all.” but then i think about all the work and suffering that goes into identifying as trans, and how tired i feel after thinking about gender for a little while and how lazy i am, and im like i am not emotionally stable enough to address this right now. Ill come back to it later…..

It’s 6:30 am and I haven’t slept yet 😞I’m a bit tired now but can’t sleep, I’ve been trying! And my tummy feels funny now idk what to do with myself.I hope I’ll feel better reeeal soon, I’m supposed to go out today it was planned to be a fun day😠!!! Sick sleepy fairies don’t have much fun. Sometimes being a night fairy takes its tole.✨✨

Gonna get a bit personal but I keep getting feelings like I feel guilty for who I like and for gender stuff and I feel like I wanna hide and deny it and idk i was ok for a while esp w being bi I thought I was totally ok w that I think I’m just thinking now about getting older being an adult bc I’m gonna live and have relationships and ppl r gonna see that and judge it and say stuff and I can’t handle that? like I’m so scared of what other people will think of me as an adult. Bc just who I am as a person I’d like to go thru life quietly u no. Do what ppl expect and not have to explain myself all the time. But I can’t do that.

  • Guy: so essentially I'm a lizard man but now I'm a human man and I'm only a lizard during the full moon and I'm like 10000 years old and this guy bit me and I'm a human idk what to do with myself
  • Mulder: I am so sorry :( that is so bad :( and sad :( I will help you friend
  • Guy: and also the fbi lady was all over me
  • Mulder: that's untrue! and impossible!! and unbelievable!!! are you lying to me????

I do not hate him, but I think everyone knows I have been a completely different person since we broke up. Do I like it? Idk. Am I truly myself right now? Idk. But what I do know, is the reason I am a completely different person, is because a part of me was lost in him. Actually.. ALL of me was lost in him. Gosh I loved that kid. I can’t lie, I still do. A part of me still holds out hope for us getting back together, because trying to move on from that goofball has proved to be nearly impossible. I’ve been moping over the break-up for longer than the actual relationship lasted. That’s kind of a wake up call for me.

I do not hate him, even if I impulsively say I do sometimes. Truth be told, I hate myself for screwing up the bond me and him shared. But I have to move on. I have to forgive myself. I can’t carry out my life begging someone to come back, especially if they do not want to.

I do not hate him. I am actually so thankful for every moment I shared with him. I’m very glad it happened.
Even though he’s ruined many holidays, songs, movies, places for me. And even though seeing a limousine, or driving passed the place we took homecoming pictures has the power to make me instantly burst into tears.
Even if I will never be able to return to Six Flags..
I do not hate him.

I’m thankful for him breaking my heart, or rather me breaking my own heart.
I’m thankful for him teaching me many things,
like how to put the blade down,
how to not take things for granted,
how to play hockey,
how to concur fears of roller coasters,
how eating in front of a boy is perfectly fine,
how to accept love.. even if it only lasts a little less than 5 months.

He taught me that no matter how many text messages are sent, how many pictures are posted, tweets are tweeted (or drafted), and no matter how long and loud you scream & sob someone’s name in your pillow at 3 in the morning.. They do not always come back.

But most of all, he taught me how to live without him. That’s something I thought I would never be able to do. Some days I wake up and I’m still surprised, that my life can go on without the man I love, the man that kept me going for so long when all I wanted to do was give up.

He stood beside me & carried me, when I did not deserve it at all.
He made me feel loved, worthy, beautiful,
when I thought I would never feel that again.
He made me have this smile.. that only he could make. That was true happiness.
And for that I am thankful.

And even though I do not hate him,
He is still on my mind,
every day,
and every night.
Sneaking into my dreams occasionally.
Making my heart ache more than anything.
And I do hate that.

—  Aimlessly rambling about “The One That Got Away”.. I miss him.
hazy - part i

Rating: T/PG-13 | Total Words: 10597 | Pairings: Adrien Agreste/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | time jump fic, angst

Things this fic was supposed to be:
-a oneshot
-appropriately angsty
-unresolved

Things this fic is:
-a three parter
-an angst spiral
-somehow got resolved at the end I think idk what’s going on really

Really, just blame Téa - @sadrien​ . It was her time jump fic that inspired this, after all.

Thanks to @raikou (who may or may not be awake right now) who spent like all day/night with me yesterday fleshing this whole thing out. High five for messed up sleeping schedules.

[ao3]

What if I fall and hurt myself / Would you know how to fix me? / What if I went and lost myself / Would you know where to find me? / If I forgot who I am / Would you please remind me? / Oh, cause without you things go hazy


“What do you want to do after this?” Nino had asked once, when they were lying on the floor of Adrien’s bedroom, after a particularly tiring round of trying to catch flying potato chips in their mouths.

“What do you mean?” Adrien had wondered. “Like for dinner?”

Nino had laughed at that, and his head had turned towards his friend, neck resting on the pad of one of his black and blue headphones. “No, man, like in life. After we graduate.”

“I guess I’ve never thought about it,” Adrien remembers saying, even years later. “I guess I’d go to university. Move to some quiet place. I’m tired of big cities.”


It’s funny, the way getting what you want can feel like.

Adrien takes a deep breath, letting the cool air coming off the lake fill his lungs. The Mont du Chat might be a tough climb, but it’s worth it for this view. Everything here is so peaceful it’s almost like the world’s come to a stand still. He’s tempted to get lost in it. The blues of the water and the greens of the hills might just be the prettiest colors he’s ever seen, especially in the afternoon’s light.

He can’t stay, though. For once in the four years he’s been here, he has to be somewhere important enough to not bask in the beauty of this setting. It’s not quite the same pressure of his childhood; the ticking of the clocks and the clicking of Nathalie’s heels and every moment scheduled down to the millisecond. Technically, he can be late to this one.

However, it’s rude to keep someone waiting for you. He’s retained that lesson from his youth, at the very least.

Adrien turns and makes the march down the paved road.

Keep reading

Things I will do when you tell me to stop saying sorry:

  • Say sorry again because I’m sorry for saying sorry
  • Cry
  • Isolate myself and never talk to you again because obviously you hate me now and think I’m annoying, and will be glad that you don’t have to put up with me anymore
  • Anylyze the interaction for the next 300 years. Idk what I’m trying to find, but I’ll do it anyway

Things I will not do when you tell me to stop saying sorry

  • Actually stop saying sorry
  • Psychic: *Reads my mind*
  • My mind: MOB MOB WHAT DO YOU WANT MOB MOB WHY DO YOU WANT MOB MOB WHO DO YOU WANT
  • Psychic: idk man its kind of touch and go right now, im having some trouble answering that myself you know? i cant really think of anything i want to do with the rest of my life and its kind of disconcerting but im trying to work my way through, making some progress
  • Me: yeah alright my guy that's understandable, take your time, you have the rest of your life ahead of you

okay.

about aromanticism. as many people know i am aromantic myself and i lowkey (highkey) complain about the lack of representation but i just have to deal with this. however, yesterday i was watching a tv show, or specifically, my younger sister was watching a tv show.

and before we begin this, i know tv shows are now doing a good job teaching about feminism and rights and really valuable lessons, so before anyone says that i can’t conform myself with these things: i acknowledge them. i recognize them. they are absolutely amazing and do a good job teaching kids about them and i’m glad this is the kind of stuff my younger sister watches. it’s amazing, A+, keep up your good work.

but please, stop making romance such a big deal. normally i don’t complain about this. normally, i think that there is nothing i can do about it, it’s just how they are now and unfortunately every movie and series nowadays needs romance to be succesful. and i’m okay with that, sometimes it’s even fun to see two characters play around each other for a while. it’s sometimes funny and enjoyable in sitcoms and some other series. 

but in this show in particular there is this line, it might be a wrong translation since i watched it on spanish, but it said “what is life without love?”

which in another context would be amazing—like, if it meant love in all the ways, in a platonic way, in a romantic way, if it meant including all the love you feel for your family, or your friends, and your significant other. i would be up for it. you need to love and when i say this i don’t mean in the romantic way. i mean in every single way. love is essential and it’s not only romantic. but the context of this was “what is life without romantic love?”

and, to be honest, there are similar lines in lots of movies too, how people cannot live without the love of their life and stuff and i have to stick through it even though i don’t really care, but this show is aired towards younger people. teenagers and little kids, mostly. it’s like telling kids, hey, if you don’t get a romantic partner, your life is nothing.

me, being an aro person, felt kind of bad. okay, truth, i felt really bad. i was staring at the tv, hearing the “what is life without love?” and i’m like, oh well, fuck, apparently i’m not living at all. nice to know i’m dead

people—and i mean people, tv shows, books, need to stop doing this. people need to stop glorifying romance as the only way to achieve happiness or that the purpose of every human being in this world is finding their partner, get on a relationship and that’s how your problems stop existing. 

stop making romance the ultimate prize you can get. stop making it look like if you don’t get a couple, you don’t exist or you are broken or heartless. i, for a fact, know that i am not a heartless person. i get that feeling butterflies, that knowing that someone likes you back or having your first kiss must be exciting, amazing and everything you want, but it’s not a solution to everything. 

my point is: stop making romance a synonym of happiness. stop teaching kids that this is the only way you will be happy and most importantly, stop making not only kids but everyone that life isn’t worth it without a romantic partner or without finding love. 

you can be happy without romantic love. has anyone ever heard of something called, um, i don’t know, platonic love? you can love your friends and be happy. you can love your family and be happy. you are still loving, and you’re happy, and because you don’t feel romantic love towards someone it doesn’t mean that you are unable to love at all. stop spreading that message. just stop it.

thank you for your time.