idk what am i to do with myself now

yo so i just tried to kill myself then my roommates when i got out alive from the mental hospital for one week were like ‘we’re evicting you bc your mental illness is too much to handle’ and im SCRAMBLING to find housing, my parents are unsupportive, and i really need help. pls donate to me on paypal emi.serna1@gmail.com or “signal boost”, as it were, bc i really am stuck in an extreme shitpile of stress and idk what to do about it ive been unemployed for like 5 months and now is the time when i really really need help so badly

Update!

I just wanted you guys to know that by the end of this month, I will with out a doubt have my new laptop! Once i have it i will be able to update this blog faster and more efficiently! That means prompts will be posted more often, asks will be answered quicker, and… new content! I will be expanding what I offer to you guy’s on this blog! I will be making character analysis sheets as well as writing exercises! Thats all ive realy got so far though, so If there is any kind of content youd like to see me add to this blog, anything you think i could do that would be helpful, please let me know! I am open to and welcoming ideas!

Coming Out?

So I accidentally came out to one of my friends today. We were just chillin’ and passing the time with a group of other people when she said something along the lines of, “I’m 74% DONE with today”. And me being me and forgetting that no one there knew that I was pan said, “did you say 74% gAY? because same.” Accompanied by finger guns and a wink. And I swear her eyes got as big as the Cup ‘O Noodles top that I accidentally dropped on myself right then. And no one else really heard us I think, so we just completely ignored the fact that I had said that and went along with the conversation. So now I am very confused

anonymous asked:

I was looking up your user on twitter and there's post about you supporting incest and pedophila and I don't ever remember that??? Do you know why they'd say that?

Yeah let me explain lol… so basically i have never supported real life incest/pedophilia ever in my life but when i was very young like 13-14 i was exposed to some really bad stuff (bnp, pixiv-esque shota cp) that altered my perception of what it was in fiction. The way i viewed it then was like .. it wasnt creepy in my eyes because i was the same age as the children being preyed upon in the art (which is?? ridiculous logic but i though “oh at least im not an old creepo looking at this to get off on it”) I mainly viewed it as regular shipping lol ( i shipped the characters from dtmg at one point so that’s where the incest thing comes from i think) Like due to my muddled perceptions of what it was i didnt view the characters as a predator/a victim i just saw them as some fictional personalities (which is what they ARE but i didnt take the whole adult/child thing as seriously as i would had it been real life) Idk if i’m explaining myself but basically I AM guilty of believing that sort of art was just like .. harmless at that age. Of course now i understand fully how harmful and damaging that shit is and if i could take back those years of my life and teach young me to not fall into such a disgusting pit of shame i would!!! But i cant, all i can do is apologize for my actions and hope that ppl understand that i’m beyond that now and will not be returning to it ever again lol

sometimes I wonder where I would be now without knowing the youtubers I watch. What I mean is that people like jack, ethan, mark, robert, etc have helped me grow as an individual through these past few years. They basically helped me realize some things about myself and the world. That it’s ok to be you and that not everyone is against you all the time. I wonder though what my mindset would be like now if I never was recommended to check out their channels (ethan, felix, mark, etc. ) or accidentally found them like jack. I know my personality would be the same but idk if I would have gained some of the confidence I have now to try and put myself out there more and to show the real me to the world. tbh I probably would still be the shy kid who hide in the shadows but being in these communities has changed that. am I perfect no, do I still have my rough times yes, am I still that shy kid of course, but that doesn’t mean it defines me. through my experience with these youtubers I’ve learned that it’s ok to be yourself no matter what others may say and there really are great, loving, people out there just waiting to grace your life. Life can has its ups and downs but thier are people in your life willing to catch you when you fall and help you back up. Just remember that you do matter and what ever you’re going through it’ll pass, you just have to stay strong, determined, and most importantly believe in yourself. In the end, you are the only person with the power to change your life for the better so just keep swimming. it’s these exact messages that I like to constantly keep in my heart and pass on to anyone who may need it but I know it never would have had the same impact if it wasn't​ from those I absorbed it from; the youtubers I watch. I know to some they just be people on the other side of the screen but to me they are game changers who are impacting individuals each day the same that they have for me. like I said, who knows what my mindset would be if I never found them but it’s useless to dwell on what could of been. Honestly, I’m just greatful that I’ve gotten the chance to know​ these people through youtube and the journey that I’ve gotten to go on through them and individually has been incredible. that being said, just thanks for all that you guys do and just keep doing what you do best as you moving forward ❤

Soooo I’m an ft…um, follower. 

Less so “a fan”. A while back, I used to be O B S E S S E D with fairy tail like every noob is obsessed with their first long-term-relationship shounen anime. Now I just keep up with the manga for nostalgic reasons, and I’ve promised myself I’m going to ride that shit out until the end. You know, tribute to my past self.

but idk with how the manga has been going… like where is it going to end? I mostly am sticking around for the ships to get together, if I’m going to be honest. but like…. okay here’s my real issue : WHAT IF MASHIMA DRAGS THE WHOLE ENDING OUT SOOO LONG HE NEVER GETS ANY OF THE SHIPS TOGETHER HE JUST DOES THAT BULLSHIT THING THAT CREATORS DO WHERE THEY JUST IMPLY THE COUPLE GOT TOGETHER


LIKE I SWEAR TO GOD IF HE DOES

i was kind of considering deleting my tumblr. but I’ve decided not to. I’d miss the cool people I’ve met and all the stupid memes too much

what i WILL do is stop queuing. when i started this blog, i posted whenever i was online and thats it. i might still be online every day, idk, but the blog will only be active when i am from now on

…i feel like most people do this anyway lol but idk i used to put all this pressure on myself to have an active blog 24/7 and that takes the fun out of it so

Oh guys! By the way!

So like, idk if I have talked about this here, but now that I graduated I’m planning on doing a Masters Degree on Creative Writing abroad. I’ll be going to Spain and I’m super excited!

I don’t wanna spam you with travel/study/adulting stuff, so I made a side blog: @sofiaenbarcelona

So if you wanna keep up with my shenanigans and maybe give me good advice or laugh at what a useless adult I am you can follow it!

Also that way I won’t feel like I’m talking to myself. And I plan on sharing as many survival tips as I discover along the road, for both studying, writing and making it on your own in a foreign city.

So yeah. Here we go.

oikenobi  asked:

ju help seeing leia in that trailer broke me idk what to do with myself right now oh god i love her so much

LISTEN I totally missed her the first time (I have really bad connection today) and I was so disappointed but then I saw it again and I. Am not. Over it. Mark my words, they’re gonna keep her alive

5

❣️looking for penapals ❣️
my name is Mia i was born in 1999 and i live in. Australia
i used to have like 25 penpals in 2014/15 and it was so fun but i got unmotivated to do anything and stopped and now I want to start again bc ive got nothing going on for me :-) above are some pics I found of a few letters I sent when I was still pen palling and some pics of my head …
i really put time and effort into my letters and am very dedicated to my pen pals! I love putting in lil gifts like tea and stuff…I used to be so good at selling myself as a pen pal but idk what im doing now please message me if ur interested 💖

anonymous asked:

I ruin everything and I just want to cry mg eyes out

WELL IF IT AIN’T ME


But anon, you don’t ruin everything. I am sure that you brighten so many people’s lives and that you make many situations better. Idk you but you are an incredible person with an incredible mind. Never forget that 💙

And here I’ll tell you what I tell my friends and sometimes myself when I ger upset or in a bad state (it’s not working now for me but hopefully it will work for you!!)

Slow down. Take a breath. Repeat after me.

I am loved.
I love.
I am valued.
I value.
I am not my mistakes.
I am imperfect, but that is okay.
For I am only human.
Even though I make many messes, I also do many things right.
This round may get the better of me.
But I will bounce back.
Because i am strong and I teach other people how to be strong.
I am appreciated, and i appreciate.
My life means something to other people.
I am good. I am kind. I am not weak though I may think I am.
Others may get mad but it’s their fault not mine.
For all I can control is me right here and right now.
And I will get over this and the next bad thing that happens and the next bad thing that happens after that.
I am resilient, relentless, and loved.

I am not a mistake.
I am not useless.
I do not ruin the world,
I make it better.

anonymous asked:

cap!!! i hope ur doing fine:D lately ive been confused w my identity? like last year i realized i wasnt straight so i came out to myself and my friends as bisexual but now ive started to wonder what if im really gay? and how can i know for sure what i am? like i see boys in the hallways at school and i couldnt care less about them but when i see a girl is like d a m n. on the other hand, i feel like some friends wont believe me? if i come out again as gay? so idk what to do now

Hi darling! Oh sweetie, same re: girls and d a m n! And honey, honestly, if gay feels like it fits you better than bi, that is absolutely alright! Our journey of self-discovery is rich and beautiful and important, and you have every right to come out as many times as you need to and for each of those comings out to be validated, because each of them are real (we just learn more and more about ourselves as we go!). The question of whether your friends will believe you or not is honestly up to them: the only responsibility you have is to be true to yourself, and if that means coming out again as gay, then when you’re ready, go for it! I am so proud of you for being who you are, whatever identity fits you best! I’m sending you so much love: you’re not alone!!! <3 <3 <3 

anonymous asked:

So I'm nonbinary, but I haven't come out to anyone yet (except 1 friend). So at this moment I am still presenting as a girl. The problem is that in 7th grade (I'm in 9th grade now) I told my friends I was bisexual. At the time, I thought I was. I did like girls. That was before I figured out that I was nb. Now, I don't think I'm bisexual. I don't really like girls that much anymore, but calling myself straight makes me uncomfortable because that implies that I am a girl, which I'm not. What do?

well you have several options. you could say “I’m nonbinary but idk what my sexuality is since my gender is so complicated.” you could also just gloss over your orientation altogether.

anonymous asked:

are you happy nat?

golly, isn’t that the question of the century

i feel like i ought to be, you know? and for all intents and purposes, I am. Cause i’m in europe right now “expanding my world view” and doing cool shit a lot. but it’s not as great as every post on social media would assume. it’s not a vacation, it’s still life, i guess.

i’m stressed for when i get home, i’m stressed for the future, i worry i’m not doing enough or making the most out of college or doing what i can to be successful in the industry i want to go in 

which is a whole thing in and of itself cause idk what i want

and then i find myself consistently and constantly thinking about the past. and i know what i want there but those are things that i can’t have. for some reason, i’m this hopeless romantic despite how abysmal my romantic life has been. i think i spend a lot of time thinking about love when i think about being happy.

anyway. this is more than what you asked and i still don’t have an answer. i’m less than happy right now because it’s morning here, i have a migraine for whatever reason, i didn’t turn in an assignment on time, and i have spanish class in 30 minutes. 

But! this week i’m going to bilbao and san sebastian and the week after i’m going to the canary islands and then after that barcelona and then i’ll be home in seattle. 

life is ok

What is it with my aversion to being connected to people? I’m lying in bed thinking about my NYE makeup tomorrow and just knowing everyone is gonna be wearing glitter tomorrow makes me really not wanna wear it. Like I only wanna go all out on normal days and then when everyone is going all out I really don’t want to. It’s just makeup but I feel like it’s such a reflection of my life. I don’t think it’s really a good thing. I’ve definitely benefited from it in some ways like I feel a really strong sense of individuality from going against the grain so often, I have no problem doing stuff I wanna do that’s weird or abnormal. But it also causes isolation, which I’m so comfortable with and used to that I don’t even realize sometimes when it’s motivating me. Idk I’ve just been thinking a lot about that lately. Isolation sucks. We need friends. We need to feel connected. I’m still not gonna wear glitter tomorrow hahaha but I’m just thinking I don’t wanna be so far removed from everyone. Even if I dress different I still wanna act united. I wanna feel connected to something. I’m such a loner I can spend days by myself comfortably but then I start to go crazy and do weird stuff when in reality I should just be sharing myself with people and opening up my soul to other humans. I’ve never had a problem saying no to things but I do really need to work on saying yes, to life in general. In 2017 I wanna open my heart. I grew a lot in 2016 but it was just scratching the surface in comparison to what I wanna achieve in 2017 on a personal level. Like I really wanna grow in how I treat people and myself and how much I trust and share myself with others. I wanna be a connected individual cuz I really am not right now. I got a long way to go but I know I’m gonna get there.

ok i drag greek a lot, we all do, but do you ever just get that romantic feeling while you are struggling through it? Like you are translating a dead language and you don’t know who is speaking but it is like catching whispers behind a curtain, the voices lost and indistinguishable but the words remain, a shadow play of light without heat from stars now dead and light years away, snatches of things in a language no one learns on their mother’s knees anymore, foreign phrases and idioms in strange orders that sound more and more natural the more they appear to you - “Truly, you speak?” “Why indeed?” “I do not understand what you say” “I suppose” “To be one, or two?” Watching these words drop like pebbles and pass through other centuries, other decades, other languages and transcriptions, as blurred as they are illuminated.

Is that why I am still studying this?

Introducing Myself

Hi there. I don’t think I’ve formally introduced myself on this tumblr page. I think I told you guys what I was doing for this page originally until I noticed it got harder and harder to find fan art and stuff, so here I am now :p
My name is Jim (yes surprisingly a guy likes Marianas Trench. It’s weird not that many guys like them idk) and I’m 16 almost 17 years old. I remember when I first started this tumblr page back in 2015 during the summer. I was like, “oh my god I’m gonna be so popular.” Yadda yadda yadda. Annoying crap like that. I was brat when I was 15 and I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
Really though I just wanted to show peoples work and my love for MT. I never really thought this page would be a success because again I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. Then remember when I posted someone’s drawing of Josh’s hair through the Ever After era (and at this point I wasn’t getting a lot of notes or whatever). And I was in school and I looked at my phone and saw people liking it and stuff, so I was like okay.
Didn’t realize that when I opened the app it was at like 150 notes and I was like HOLY SHIT! Then I thought maybe I can get that again. And stuff happened in between now and back then with Astoria and all the tours they did.
So you’re probably wondering why I’m doing this? Well I guess I’m opening up. I’m not using this to seek attention. I’m doing it because it’s my page and I can post whatever I want on it (even though it’s all marianas trench). I’ve been depressed for about 4-5 years now and really it’s been a struggle. And I can kind of hear it now. “Ooohh another person who’s depressed ugh.” Okay if that’s you, fuck you and get off my page (sorry for that).
Anyway whenever I get depressed I used to go on tumblr and look at a lot of random things to make me feel better. Like marianas trench and all the tour videos people recorded. They always make me go like AAAAAHHH! But you know things change. I still love marianas trench with all my heart. Still my favorite band of all time, but for some reason I don’t think they can even save me anymore.
I really don’t think anyone or anything can make me feel good, or even decent, anymore. I wish they can, but I don’t think so anymore. It might be my depression talking idk. But right now it’s hard to see that light everyone tells me to follow. One day I will get there, but at the moment I want to just stop and end it.
I’m sorry this turned into a depressing post (even if it wasn’t for you or not), but I feel like I need to be honest. I don’t know why, but I feel like I can’t keep my identity a secret anymore and who I truly am. But yeah. I won’t put any tags on it, so if people stumble upon it then they stumble upon it. Other than that thank you ❤
-Jim ✌🏼 🙅🏻 (double dab)