idk that's enough

The survivor’s intimate relationships are driven by the hunger for protection and care and are haunted by the fear of abandonment or exploitation. In a quest for rescue, they may seek out powerful authority figures who seem to offer the promise of a special caretaking relationship. By idealizing the person to whom they become attached, they attempt to keep at bay the constant fear of being either dominated or betrayed. …

Almost inevitably, the survivor has great difficulty protecting themself in the context of intimate relationships. Their desperate longing for nurturance and care makes it difficult to establish safe and appropriate boundaries with others. Their tendency to denigrate themself and to idealize those to whom they become attached further clouds their judgment. Their empathetic attunement to the wishes of others and their automatic, often unconscious habits of obedience also make them vulnerable to anyone in a position of power or authority.

Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery

(pronouns made neutral for wider applicability)

lol oh no is this a double date

in which lucas chooses maya instead

ok this is dedicated to the light of my life @georgesfeeny and basically it’s if lucas chose maya @ ski lodge instead of riley (don’t worry though riley’s not like heartbroken etc. etc.) and it’s essentially pure wish fulfillment but kelsey wanted lucaya kissing so :)

She sat there, looking at him. All she wanted to do was look at him forever, draw him, hold him, kiss him. But she had to say goodbye. It was the only thing left to do to save everything. So she steeled her heart to push him away. “We all know you chose somebody,” she said. “We all know what’s the right choice.” Because it was the right choice. They’d be happy together, and wasn’t that what Maya had always wanted? Lucas and Riley happy, and now they’d have that. “And we know it’s the only choice you could possibly make.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before, really,” he said, and Maya swallowed. He sure as hell wasn’t making it any easier to say goodbye. “I just talked to Riley, Maya.”

“Oh.” So he’d beaten her to the punch. She forced a smile. “Finally figured it out, huh, huckleberry? You two… you’re gonna be good together.”


“I’m really happy for you guys.”

“Maya.” She forced herself to stop talking and look at him. “We talked and we came to a mutual decision that this hasn’t been what either of us has wanted for a really long time.” She felt her heart leap up into her throat.

“What do you mean?”
“I mean that we decided that we work better as friends, not trying to force a romance that neither of us are feeling anymore.”

“I thought - I was gonna tell you to go to her. I was - I don’t know, I-” Maya desperately tried to form a coherent sentence. She squashed down any bit of hope that was itching to come to the surface. She’d already prepared for his rejection. What use would it do to go back on it?

Lucas looked down, wringing his hands. “I get it if this isn’t what you want anymore, Maya. I get it if you still like… Josh, or if you just don’t want this anymore. But, for what it’s worth,” he looked up, “I choose you, Maya. You’re the one I want.”

Maya sucked in her cheeks, reaching out to touch him. “I thought… I want this, too. I want it. I do. I want this,” she said in one breath. And then, before she even knew it was happening, she was kissing him. She didn’t know who initiated it, she didn’t know how long it had been going.

She felt herself tense up and then dissolve into him, until she couldn’t even tell where his touch ended and hers began. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer like he was the only thing allowing her to breathe. His lips were chapped, and he tasted like Christmas, until finally she pulled away.

“I’ve wanted to do that for…. forever,” she breathed.

“Me too,” he said, grinning. She felt exhilarated, invigorated, renewed, like she had been sleeping under snow for centuries and spring had finally come. Lucas tore his eyes away from her, focused on a spot above her head. She followed his gaze to where Josh was standing, arms crossed.

“Maya? I thought we talked about this,” he said. He didn’t seem mad, just confused, and Maya forced herself to stop smiling, though it was hard with the taste of Lucas still on her lips.

“I was wrong. I mean, I lied. I thought… it doesn’t matter now, does it?” She turned around and flashed Lucas a smile. “I was wrong.”

When she turned back around, Josh was walking away, jaw clenched. There would be time to deal with that later, though. There would be more than enough time. Right now, all she wanted to do was sit here with Lucas. She could look at him forever.


★ we finished season two! ★ here are some small doodles i did while watching (including some pokemon au ideas lol)

@micronecro, regardinging Sepira, Kawahira and Trinsiette, taken straight from the manga:

- Sepira and Kawahira’s people were down to five and unable to control Trinsiette so they split the stones and gave half to the first group of Arcobaleno, sticking them with the pacifiers that permanently drew on the Flames of the Arco to keep them “on” and eventually killing them

- But the other earthlings kept dying! And then they were down to two (Kawahira and Sepira), and were unable to control even the part of Trinisette they did still have

- They split the remaining stones in half, the Mare and Vongola Rings (Sepira suggested that they should be rings so that they could be removed, and with double the number the strain on people’s bodies were less so they could)

- Sepira chose Giotto at this point to take the Vongola Rings, while the Mare Rings “were controlled by her family”

- After that all decisions regarding the pacifiers specifically and Trinisette in general were made by Kawahira

- At some point Sepira and Kawahira had a “disagreement” and “broke up”, with Kawahira implying it was regarding Sepira’s decision to live with humans that was the issue

- And then Sepira died at some point, I’m assuming for the same reason the rest of the earthlings died off (Kawahira, what are you doing that you’re still alive)

I don’t think FFXV is terribly heavy on life lessons. It’s non offensive, fun, and very well written; that’s why I enjoy it. All final fantasy games have A+ messages, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve personally always played them more for the story and the characters than the real life implications. That being said, I really appreciate some of the messages ffxv pushes, two in specific. First, that you need to be able to rely on other people and that doing so is a positive thing. Second, that people need time to grieve and recover and they’ll do so at their own pace. When gladio tried to push noct to “man up”, it wasn’t framed as a good thing like it often is. Instead, gladio’s told off by ignis. Noct would move on from his father’s death and become king when he was ready to, not before. FFXV had some good messages to send, especially to boys; crying, being distressed, needing help, relying on others, and needing time aren’t weaknesses and no one should demand that you “man up” for doing those things.

when you’re feeling shitty [listen]

ribs lorde somewhere only we know keane before your start your day twenty one pilots teen idle marina and the diamonds forever halloween the maine talking bird death cab for cutie at the bottom brand new love at first sight the brobecks in transit mark hoppus cough syrup young the giant i miss you blink-182 shake it out florence + the machine dark storms (acoustic) out last night golden fall out boy please, please, please, let me get what i want the smiths last hope paramore monkey gone to heaven pixies flawless the neighbourhood