idk man i just want to make memories

When people say (or imply) that I’m lazy, over-exaggerating, faking it, etc.. they don’t get that sometimes I wish I was any of those things.

If I were just lazy, I could lay around at home all day and be content. But instead, I’m restless. I have so many ideas that never see reality. I have so many goals and interests that I’ll never get to pursue. I can’t have a job. I feel like a failure, and not because I can’t do what other people want me to, but because I can’t even do what I want to.

If I was over-exaggerating or faking it, I could still choose to do things. I want to go out and experience things, to travel, to make memories with friends.. or even just to be able to run errands, for fucks sake. But most days, I don’t have that choice. Most days, I spend hours wishing I did.

People don’t understand the amount of sheer frustration that comes with being disabled & mentally ill. And all of that already exists without anyone piling extra shame and ableism on top of it.

I wish I was just lazy, but I’m not. I’m disabled, and it sucks.

Xmen movies are so fucking confusing y'all. Like I want to read more and understand but there’s SO MANY COMICS. idk where to start. And can I rent them? I don’t want 572 comics in my life. I just want to I read them and understand. Fucking days of future past and Logan comes back to the future with Jean and Cyclops alive but no memory of 1973 on. Like he was just living a total life, being present in people’s lives but no memory of it cuz he snapped back from 1973. And how magneto make himself fly like the fuck man I need answers