When people say (or imply) that I’m lazy, over-exaggerating, faking it, etc.. they don’t get that sometimes I wish I was any of those things.
If I were just lazy, I could lay around at home all day and be content. But instead, I’m restless. I have so many ideas that never see reality. I have so many goals and interests that I’ll never get to pursue. I can’t have a job. I feel like a failure, and not because I can’t do what other people want me to, but because I can’t even do what I want to.
If I was over-exaggerating or faking it, I could still choose to do things. I want to go out and experience things, to travel, to make memories with friends.. or even just to be able to run errands, for fucks sake. But most days, I don’t have that choice. Most days, I spend hours wishing I did.
People don’t understand the amount of sheer frustration that comes with being disabled & mentally ill. And all of that already exists without anyone piling extra shame and ableism on top of it.
I wish I was just lazy, but I’m not. I’m disabled, and it sucks.