Oh my god, in last night’s Bob’s Burgers, Bob takes Gene to a laser light rock show at the planetarium (super important to Bob, because it was his favorite when he was a teenager, and this is the last night before they’re closing the exhibit because it’s old and no one goes anymore, also it’s Bob’s birthday), and Gene has no idea what he’s in for, but he gets pumped for it anyway ‘cause Bob’s so excited about it, and finally they get in there and they’re watching it, and Gene has a sensory overload and kinda starts freaking out ‘cause he can’t handle it, so Bob takes him out and they sit in the car for a bit. Gene’s angry because Bob didn’t tell him it would be so loud and scary, so Bob offers to play the album for Gene at a normal volume, and Gene starts to enjoy it, so he reclines the seats, takes out the cigarette lighter, tells Gene to pretend it’s a laser, and starts drawing in the air, explaining the plot to him (it’s like a full on Pink Floyd or Rush-esque rock opera about a bunch of robot overlords telling rockers that they can’t play music anymore, and one Rebel rising against them). Gene gets really into it and decides he wants to see the finale of the laser show (which Bob regards as a life-changing experience), so they sneak back into the planetarium (there’s no re-entry allowed) with a few tricks that parallel the story from the album, and watch the climax of the show together (Bob fashions some earplugs for Gene out of a napkin). On the way home, Bob’s asking Gene how he liked it, and Gene says “I loved it!”, Bob asks him to speak louder ‘cause his ear’s are shot, and Gene yells, “I LOVED IT, DAD”. Bob yells back “I love you too, Gene”.
I FUCKING!!! CAN’T!!! DEAL!!!! WITH HOW GOOD THIS SHOW IS!!! I know i don’t talk about Bob’s Burgers a lot but this show is flawless and charming and gross and funny all at the same time, the characters are written like people with actual fears and anxieties, and unlike a lot of comparable shows, the comedy doesn’t come from the family being pitted against each other, it’s always the family against the world… I love it, I love it, it’s so pure and refreshing and still somehow manages to be funny without sacrificing it’s heart, and I fuckin’ love it, please watch Bob’s Burgers holy CRAP okay I’m done.
So. Who broke it? I’m not mad. I just want to know.
I did. I broke it…
No. No, you didn’t. Nogla?
Don't look at me. Look at Lui
What?! I didn’t break it.
Huh. That’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?
Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!
No, it’s not!
If it matters, probably not… Bryce was the last one to use it.
Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!
Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Ohm!
Alright let’s not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it, Brian.
No. Who broke it?
[whispering] Terroriser, Wildcat's been awfully quiet…
I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
ALRIGHT MY DUDES I’M NOT GONNA BORE YOU WITH THE RABBIT HOLE I WENT DOWN TO FIND THIS BUT JUST LOOK AT IRL KEITH
His name is Ernie Reyes Jr. but he played a character named Keno (KENO?? KEITH?? COINCIDENCE?? I THINK NOT) in the 1991 movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (again, don’t ask how I got here)
He’s a pizza delivery boy that gets caught up in turtle shenanigans and literally only exists for one movie but please just look at him.
The black t-shirt, the bright red jacket, tHE MULLET. Did I also mention he’s Filipino because I could go for some Filipino!Keith headcanons like sign me the fuck up
AND WHAT’S THIS??? Have you always wanted to know what Keith would look like reacting to meeting cryptids irl well HERE YOU FUCKING GO. THROWBACK TO THE OG CRYPTIDS OF MY CHILDHOOD: GIANT RATMAN AND HIS GREEN DISCIPLES
Here’s him ready to fight a bitch in a tank top because he loves fisticuffs and is a hella good martial artist. Within the first like four minutes of the movie, he sees these dudes robbing a store and goes up to them ALONE telling them “you’re under arrest” HOLDING A BUNCH OF PIZZAS and attempts to take all of them out alone. I mean he beats the shit out of them but like then a bunch more guys come running out and then he’s like oH SHIT I DIDNT THINK THIS THROUGH but luckily the turtles come to save his ass.
Did I also mention that out of all the turtles he is most similar to Raphael? The red turtle. The most impatient and impulsive turtle. Always ready to fight. PLEASE. Also Raphael doesn’t really like him at first but then Keno suggests he use himself as bait to find the baddies and suddenly Raphael is like “I hate to agree with him but he’s gotta point.” So even though Splinter is like “TOO DANGEROUS” the two of them break off from the rest of the team and do the mission anyways (um) and accidentally find The Big Bad™ (uM) and then get into hot shit (UM) and Raphael sacrifices himself for Keno (UMMMMMMMMMM). But don’t worry Keno brings everyone back to save him.
And then later there’s a scene where Splinter tries to teach him how to meditate but Keno physically can’t do it and runs off to fight instead because fuck patience he needs to kick something. Here’s this idiot literally back flipping onto the stage to fight Shredder one-on-one like wtf he’s so extra™
He also had an action figure even though he was only in one movie and HOLY SHIT THIS IS MORE KEITH LIKE THAN THE KEITH ACTION FIGURE????
In conclusion: WHAT THE FUCK WAS KEITH DOING WITH THE NINJA TURTLES IN 1991?? IDK BUT I FOUND HIM
ATLAS: do not talk to me of the weight of the world, nor its people’s hearts. you know nothing of endurance. the heavens are heavy and my shoulders ache. i am tired.
APHRODITE: you think holding the earth is enough? you think you are close to them just because they rest on your back? you know nothing of their pain. do you even remember how tears taste?
ATLAS: i know pain. i know bruises that last centuries, bone deep and digging like claws, burrowing like worms through body structure-
APHRODITE: -you know standing still, rigid, a statue in body and soul alike / you know the exact weight of the human heart x 7 billion. you do not know how it feels to watch as they burn in place, how it feels to see them fall; down / in love / to their deaths.
ATLAS: i carry them in life and death. my dear, your hands are soft; they do not understand the strength it takes to balance oceans on knuckles and land against muscle.
APHRODITE: my hands are soft because they hold hearts as easily as you hold the world, and hearts, in their own way, are worlds. i know strength. better yet, i know how easily strength crumbles and i know how to guide through the breaking. do not equate soft with weak. they are not the same thing.