idk if all of these are accurate

anonymous asked:

You know what I like about jungkook and jimin’s friendship/possible romance..... so jungkook is such a brat sometimes (I love it) and be teases his hyung all the time (omf let tae live in last vlive) but like when it comes to jimin (the way I personally see it so idk how accurate this is) it’s either HIM who does the teasing or nothing like if the others tease jimin he’s always the one to show support he doesn’t really join in, or it’s him who teases jimin in the first place... idk man it’s cute

yeah i’ve noticed that. jk teases jm a lot. but then when others do that, he’s like “you’re doing great jimin!” and cute shit. it’s adorable. 

Whenever I see people quoting/referencing/parodying My Immortal it’s always one of the same four or five lines. You know the ones.

The iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et cetera).”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

“And Loopin was masticating to it!”

As great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.

  • Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.
  • Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.
  • Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a pentagram into his forehead.
  • There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens to have the exact same name.
  • Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.
  • The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian and Harry is a Satanist.
  • Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim” with his “tim machine.”
  • Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”
  • Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.
  • Voldemort wears high heels.
  • Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.
  • Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.
  • Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara is a Rambo fan?
  • The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a female owl, for some reason.
  • Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread.”
  • Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.
  • James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.
  • Draco’s singing voice is described as “a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”
  • Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.
  • Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”
  • McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.
  • Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.
  • Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I think that is a genuinely clever pun.
  • The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.
  • Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”
  • This line: “Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”
  • And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”
  • “Azerbaijan”
  • “Hoes of Wax”
  • “Tom Bombodil”
  • “Cornelio Fuck”
  • “Professor Slutborn”
  • “Preacher McGongol”
  • “Lumpkin”
  • “TaEbory”
  • “The Bark Lord”
  •  “Vadermort”

In some kind of AU… 🍃


  • Someone: of course Naruto is atraight. Just look at him.
  • Naruto: *imagines Sasuke naked besides him in the bathroom*
  • Naruto: *says Sasuke while his hand is on his chest and just after he saw a shooting star*
  • Naruto: *thinks about Sasuke like ALL the time*
  • Naruto: *wonders if Sasuke is okay and what he’s doing and if he is thinking of him just after a girl confesses her love for him*
  • Naruto: *remembers his kiss with Sasuke in important times*
  • Naruto: *thinks Sasuke is WAY good looking*
  • Naruto: *says Sasuke was quite handsome*
  • Naruto: “you’ve been my goal”
  • Naruto: “I wanted to be just as strong and cool as you”
  • Naruto: “I’m your one and only”
  • Naruto: *a woman says to him she will teach him about her “body’s secrets” and he gross out*
  • Me:
  • Me: yeah, he’s TOTALLY straight. No doubt.

Castiel had always known how he felt about Dean. Somehow he’d always been able to conceal it.

Not anymore. Castiel feels like he’ll burst if he doesn’t just say it. He’s only human now, after all.

He does say it, eventually. He makes use of all the knowledge he’s acquired and tells Dean how he feels over and over again.

It’s in Danish the first time. “jeg elsker dig” he murmurs as he accepts his mug of coffee.

The second time is a few days later when they’re on a case related to an Arab painter. “أحبك,” Castiel says, not looking up from the book he’s poring over.

He ends up saying the phrase more times than he can count.

“Ez hej te dikim”

It is not always “three simple words”.

“मैं तुमसे प्यार करता हूँ”

And he never says it in the one language that matters, the one language that Dean would understand.

“دوستت دارم”

Castiel will only learn later that he has severely underestimated Dean. He will only learn later when, one day, Dean turns to him and says, “You know I love you too, right?”

BTS as words
  • Seokjin: Serene
  • Yoongi: Tempestuous
  • Hoseok: luminescence
  • Namjoon: Aesthetic
  • Jimin: Divine
  • Taehyung: Unorthodox
  • Jungkook: Timorous
I Kissed A Robot And I Liked It: A Complete Meltdown by Phillip J. Coulson
  • May: He replaced me with a robot version of myself? How long did it take for you to figure it out?
  • Coulson: ๐Ÿ˜ง๐Ÿ˜ง๐Ÿ˜ง๐Ÿ˜ง๐Ÿ˜ง
  • May: What finally tipped it?
  • Coulson: ๐Ÿ˜“๐Ÿ˜“๐Ÿ˜“๐Ÿ˜“๐Ÿ˜“
  • May: Didn't get messy between us, did it?
  • Coulson: ¯\_(ใƒ„)_/¯ ๐Ÿ†˜
  • May: After we escape this place, we're definitely opening that bottle of Haig.
  • Coulson: ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿคฅ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿคฅ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿคฅ๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜
  • May: I need to take one for the team... So you'll give me mouth to mouth.
  • Coulson: ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜
  • May: Did something weird happen with my robot self?
  • Coulson: ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜
  • May: Did I make a move on you?
  • Coulson: ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜
  • May: Phil... Did I try to... Kill you?
  • Coulson: ...... ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ’ฃโ˜ ๏ธโšฐ๏ธ
  • May: I knew something was up. What are you not telling me?
  • Coulson: ...... ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿท๐Ÿป??
  • May: ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ’ฉ!!!!
  • ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ
  • Coulson's Ongoing Internal Monologue:
  • ๐Ÿค–๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿค–๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜๐Ÿ†˜
The Signs As Girls I Know

(because they’re awesome and I’ve seen many other people do this)

I know this isn’t accurate for everyone, but I’m curious to see how many people feel that this is similar for them or not. Definitely comment!

Aries:

-doesn’t think they’re cool but they’re cool
-loves chugging energy drinks
-gets really hyper from said energy drinks
-will play an app to the finish, beating all the levels. Only person I know who does this

Taurus:

-really quiet but definitely has opinions
-is a really good Baker, bakes the coolest (and most picturesque) things
-an Amazon addict, constantly ordering new things
-is just pretty? Like SO pretty. Idk how she does it

Gemini:

-thinks they’re so tough but is actually a teddy bear
-really talkative, but not in a bad way. Just has opinions on things!
-really good at hair and makeup
-never listens to the same song twice

Cancer:

-very extroverted– I don’t know where the stereotype that cancers were introverted came from?
-hella good music taste
-loves aesthetics
-tries very hard to look good

Leo:

-gets offended when people say they get offended easily
-so ambitious, will probably be running the world in 10 years
-loves being around people
-puts SO much work into everything they do, which is a good thing

Virgo:

-eats really healthy, not because they want a healthy diet but because they think junk food is gross
-actually has a to-do list
-needs to compliment themselves more :)
-really good runner though they won’t admit it

Libra:

-ALWAYS reading
-loves aesthetics
-actually a child at heart
-gives the best compliments

Scorpio:

-drinks gallons of coffee a day
-loves being organized, hates chaos
-very obsessive over crushes
-has NO TIME in their schedule
-dressed up even if they don’t have to

Sagittarius:

-does the boldest things– not afraid to experiment with their hair and piercings
-hella good music taste
-constantly making jokes and laughing
-bi and proud

Capricorn:

-very talkative
-always surrounded by people
-comes off as someone who’s going to be successful- intelligent AND sociable
-very ambitious, if they want something they will get it

Aquarius:

-loves challenging the dress code
-the original hipster: doing things before things were cool
-no qualms about rubbing people the wrong way, will definitely get their point across
-very sociable but also private at the same time? Nobody knows much about them

Pisces:

-always starting things and never finishing
-has so many plans but never goes through with them
-has an air of likeability about them
-loves just sitting and talking
-also very obsessive over crushes

On a much less serious and more upbeat note than the last book, I present to you:

The Pants Project by Cat Clarke

Liv is a young boy who has just started middle school. He has two moms and a younger brother, and he loves them both dearly. What he doesn’t love, however? The fact that his new middle school has a uniform. And the girls have to wear skirts.

Because, you see, Liv is a closeted trans boy - and he very, very much does NOT want to wear a skirt.

Thus begins Liv’s campaign, joined by new friends, to let anyone at this school wear pants if they want to! It’s an absolutely adorable book. Liv’s two moms are great, and the book nicely deals with the homophobia he faces for having them, there’s a fantastic side cast (included a disabled character! but sssh spoilers) and quite frankly this book was a JOY.

I read it all in less than one hour in the park, and I absolutely adored it. A must read for anyone seeking novels abt trans characters, especially trans boys, bc Liv is an absolute gem.

This was a really nice book, and I absolutely recommend it.

Sometimes when I am editing, I have to wonder if other Brits go through the same disconnect that happens when a US writer refers to women’s underwear as “panties”. 

It’s especially jarring when I read it in fic meant to be set in the UK, and I just know the words “take your panties off” just wouldn’t fly, especially in Scots. Knickers, yes, and even briefs and drawers. But panties, not so much.

Like I know it’s in our vernacular too, and maybe I’m just showing my age (what do I know what the kids are saying these days, old thing that I apparently am), but panties just has such a juvenile and patronizing quality to it that the word just makes me want to shrink in on myself. I dunno, maybe it’s just me being to finicky. Which I suppose is kind of the point when you hire me to make accurate cultural edits like Brit Eye for the Yankie but whatever, I feel certain in telling you the word “panties” would not have been used in 17th century Scotland.

Although if you want to tell someone not to get their pantaloons in a twist, I’m 100% here for this.

somethingofavoid  asked:

could you point me in the direction of the evidence that alexander the great was a bottom? I absolutely don't doubt it's true but I've never seen anyone say otherwise so I figure there's some proof of some sort I'm missing, but couldn't find anything myself

you didn’t find anything because there is no proof, and in fact, the sources tell us the precise opposite. so why did i say he bottomed in my joke post? let’s get into it.

A (SIMPLIFIED) PRIMER: in ancient old mediterranean times it didn’t matter if you were a man who boned men or women – you should probs do both – but what mattered VERY much was whether you topped or bottomed. are you old enough to have a beard? now you’re too old to bottom. pederasty was the name of the game in the south (think athens) especially. if macedon followed these same sexual mores, we can’t be sure, tho they were likely similar. 

now that you know this, take note that hephaestion was actually older than alexander, taller, and more masculine and impressive-looking. according to the above – that’s called the dover model – it should be a given that hephaestion topped, right? or that they didn’t have a relationship at all, considering they were so close in age, and the dover model mandates a big age difference. then why do i have in my pocket two handy examples of hephaestion being identified not only as the bottom but as younger than alexander? observe:

• justin refers to hephaestion as “puer” (”boy” but with connotations in this context of “young pretty bottom boy”) 
• arrian refers to hephaestion as alexander’s “ἐρώμενος” (i.e. alexander’s beardless younger bottom) 

weird, right? we could take this at face value, discounting all that we factually know about hephaestion, or we could take a look at how romans of the late republic/early principate – when these biographies were penned – viewed sexuality in their own society, and how that may have influenced the way they interpreted alexander and hephaestion.

late republic/early principate sexual mores were a bit different from classical greek mores in that, simplified version, the socially superior partner had to top, and the supremely socially inferior – like a slave or a woman – was to bottom. hephaestion was second man in the empire with a massive presence in court; importantly, he was free-born. if alexander and hephaestion had a sexual relationship, which the roman biographers were fairly certain they did, that meant to the romans that hephaestion was either sleeping his way to the top (a common late republic sentiment – cicero used it against antony, like, hourly) which is very not befitting for, you know, the top general in the empire, or – worse – that alexander was a tyrant who was raping his second in command, and hephaestion wasn’t man enough to fight back against it. yikes. even worse option than that to the romans? alexander, king of kings, was taking the d from someone below his status. no matter what the evidence said – like hephaestion’s age and physicality and what we know about alexander’s personality, which i’ll get to in a minute – that was literally unthinkable. 

so the principate biographers lied. yep. in order to better mould hephaestion to their worldview, some bent the history so that hephaestion was younger and prettier (justin), or just plain unimportant enough that being alexander’s ἐρώμενος was socially acceptable (arrian). some laid into the nepotism angle even if they didn’t explicitly state fucking as the cause of it (plutarch). 

take-home message? history is malleable: like a memory, it never remains whole and accurate. the more often we pull it from the shelf, the more often it gets rewritten. 

idk, oprah. proof isn’t a thing that really exists for this period. but now that we know the roman histories are sometimes fake news, here’s some stuff supporting alexander bottoming: 

good evidence: historiography & the dover model

• what the romans had to say about hephaestion and alexander’s relationship is lowkey lies, so even tho we can’t definitively say hephaestion topped, we know that pretty much all evidence that hephaestion bottomed is not legitimate. that means the opposite could be true.

• alexander was younger than hephaestion, infamously remained beardless, and was physically smaller, which means that if macedonians followed southern sexual mores, and if alexander and hephaestion in particular even cared about bringing social politics into the bedroom (see how many variables?) then alexander would’ve bottomed 

pretty okay evidence: character extrapolation 

• i’ve had a prof bring up in class the fact that alexander was too soft for his parents, who worried he was effeminate, which we can safely interpret as “worried he was a bottom” – playing the lyre, not wanting to get it on with anyone in a way befitting a red-blooded macedonian guy, sleeping with the iliad under his pillow, other assorted twink activities. from his annoying high-pitched voice to the fact that he started dressing persian – seen as effeminate to macedonians – it’s pretty much accepted that he was an effeminate dude in his day. not conclusive, definitely problematic as being indicative of sexual position preference, but it is an argument i have seen.

not-really evidence but a component relevant to our discussion of the insidious crawl of unintentional historiography: 

• mary renault ran amok with the bottom/top thing in her books and made alexander finally topping and becoming a “man” into a whole arc in the persian boy, and it’s a fairly pervasive narrative in historical fiction that he’s a somewhat effeminate bottom. this isn’t historical evidence, but it shows how the narrative shifts – this interpretation, so widely distributed in fiction, is now undeniably present in our shared consciousness. (my joke post, which was geared toward an audience of like literally one person, was more about this.)

a final note is that people are just people, and we tend to forget that when we get so caught up in how fun it is to study ancient cultures. but at the end of the day, no matter the mores of their location and period, people are gonna fuck how they want, where they want, who they want, and when they want. like any other pair of young guys getting it on, i’d bet you ten bucks, realistically, that they switched. 

(source 1)
(source 2

illusionarypandemonium  asked:

Random request? Just... An octopus in a martini, with a tiny umbrella and everything. Idk, I'm just in a WTNV vibe mood

thank you, this was so much fun to draw! (and I can accurately say it’s something I never would’ve thought of on my own) keep sending in those requests people!

I feel like the octopus should have a name.. idk what do you guys think

The Signs As Girls I Know

(because theyโ€™re awesome and Iโ€™ve seen many other people do this)

I know this isnโ€™t accurate for everyone, but Iโ€™m curious to see how many people feel that this is similar for them or not. Definitely comment!

Aries:

-doesnโ€™t think theyโ€™re cool but theyโ€™re cool
-loves chugging energy drinks
-gets really hyper from said energy drinks
-will play an app to the finish, beating all the levels. Only person I know who does this

Taurus:

-really quiet but definitely has opinions
-is a really good Baker, bakes the coolest (and most picturesque) things
-an Amazon addict, constantly ordering new things
-is just pretty? Like SO pretty. Idk how she does it

Keep reading