With everything I do I crave to feel. My mind is always intense. I’d rather feel than hide in fear of getting hurt. I don’t need to hide. I’m not afraid. I never was afraid. I’ve always been more than willing to put my heart out there for anyone and anything. It’s up to the universe if I get hurt, but it’s my choice if I decide to grow from it or if I let it ruin all of the progress I’ve made. Even if it might break me, I will always choose to grow from it.
Beer makes me feel good, but you made me feel alive
Requested: “idk if youve done something like this but can you do a first date with Shawn? like going to his place and making dinner then like walking out on the streets or something? :)”
You watched a small waisted girl with a high ponytail, walk into a small dance studio that was hidden behind other small shops on this obscure little road Shawn drove down. You were awfully awkward and you window shopped, people watched, and counted road signs, hoping it would inspire you to say something cute, something to start a conversation with the boy driving. First dates were exciting in your opinion, but obviously also totally nerve wracking. Not only had you spent hours trying to decide what to wear, but you remembered acting out conversations with your mom, your best friend, your roommate, everyone you could think of basically. They were all pitching in to help you have a good first date.
“And so that way if asks you about the stuff you like, he’ll kinda already have an idea, making it easier for you to explain! I know, I’m a genius!” You distinctly remember your best friend saying this to you the night before your date, when you couldn’t decide what outfit you were going to wear. She suggested you wear your favorite band t-shirt so that way, he knew what kind of music you liked. You considered it for a small second but you just ended up shaking your head and showing her another cute blouse you liked. She had shrugged her shoulders saying, “I guess that’s cute too.”
Fast forward past the multiples times you had to do and redo your eyeliner, and here you were sitting in the passenger seat of his Jeep, feeling like a princess simply because of the fact that he was driving you anywhere. There was a quiet singing voice echoing throughout the car, and you listened carefully trying to figure out exactly which Chance The Rapper song he was playing.
“Can I turn up the music?” You asked politely hoping he wouldn’t take it the wrong way, you didn’t want him thinking you weren’t interested in taking.
“Yeah of course, you like this song?” He turned his head away from the road for a split second to look at you, and his eyes met yours, capturing your attention the way fireworks would.
“Yeah. It’s catchy.” You say, looking away shyly, hiding your blushing cheeks.
The rest of the ride was filled with laughter and singing, and you went from feeling nervous, to excited. You tried to hold yourself together whenever he complimented you about something, and you’ll never forget the way he said the words “You’re beautiful!” Or, “I think you’re hilarious, seriously! Like one of the funniest girls I’ve met!”
You felt like you could be yourself, and the way he spoke made you feel as though you weren’t being judged. He talked and talked, and laughed, only to finish by saying, “Okay, your turn!” And then you’d go off, talking about whatever the topic was at the moment, and your mouth went dry, and your jaw hurt from smiling. This was the only kind of pain that you believed was good. Almost as good as that feeling of your heart jumping up and down, whenever you heard him say your name.
You finally reached your destination, his apartment, and he asked you to stay seated in the car. You were a bit confused, but you listened to him as you watched him get out. 30 seconds later, he was opening your car door for you. He literally asked you to stay in the car just so he could open your door. Who does that?
“I’ve always wanted to do that, but any other girl I’ve had in my car, whether we’re on a date or not, they all get out way before I can even reach their door!” His cheeks were as red as yours, and you weren’t sure what to say.
“Well.. Thank you.” Was all you could think to get out, before he was leading you into the apartment building. You sort of adored the location his apartment complex was in, because it was a little hidden, giving you less a chance to be mobbed by fans, or seen by paparazzi. Shawn’s fame scared you a bit, but of course that didn’t stop you from liking him. He was more than the lights, and the screaming girls. He was a gentleman who opened your car door.
“I’m pretty sure that somewhere in our text conversations, you said you liked pizza, so I hope you don’t mind making some pizza for dinner.” Shawn threw his keys across the room on the couch and then headed towards the kitchen area, opening the refrigerator.
“I love pizza! Especially when I can make it myself.” You said with excitement in your voice, you stood on your tip toes not knowing what to do with yourself. Should you start opening cabinets and starting looking for the ingredients and help get everything ready? Or was that an invasion of privacy somehow? You figured you would just be honest and so you asked him, “Where are the ingredients and everything else we need?” And then he was showing you around the small cooking area, and where everything was. Soon enough your fingers were covered in herbs, and dough, and there were ten different types of cheeses laid out across the table.
“Are you a mozzarella, or cheddar type of person?” Shawn asked reaching for one of the cheeses.
“That’s a good question. I like both, but I really love mozzarella.”
“You love it, eh?” Shawn raised his eyebrows, stuck his hand in the shredded mozzarella cheese bag and took some out, flicking it at you.
“Hey!” You waved your hand around, trying to dodge the cheese but you ended up laughing instead, and then picking up the pieces and eating them.
“And what about you? What kind of cheese do you like?” You asked with a grin across your face.
“I’m pretty fond of mozzarella myself.” He was smiling at you, right at you, his eyes mesmerizing you once again and you felt silly for getting so animated about cheese, and making pizza.
“Then you won’t mind if I do this?!” You said before flicking some cheese at his face the way he did to you. He just laughed and shook his head, picking pieces out of his hair. The rest of the evening went pretty smoothly. Shawn teased you for having a smaller pizza than him, but you teased him about his burnt edges. You had a slice of his and he had a slice of yours, and you felt like the luckiest girl in the world to be sharing pizza with Shawn Mendes. It was dumb, but it meant something to you. Later on, you watched a movie that you don’t even remember the name of, because you were too busy laughing at your phone with Shawn. The whole movie basically ended up being you and Shawn showing each other memes the whole time. After the movie ended you helped Shawn clean the kitchen a bit and he walked you outside to the car to bring you home.
“I want to show you something!” Shawn said as he walked in the opposite direction of where his car was. You just smiled and followed him.
“Check this out!” After three minutes of walking you reached the end of the sidewalk, at the back of the apartment complex, there was a cute little river with a small waterfall. It wasn’t anything too beautiful but for some reason it still took your breath away. It was probably Shawn, or so you thought. He made it so that everything took your breath away, even pizza and dumb memes.
“This is really nice.” You said quietly staring out at the water. The moonlight reflected off it giving it a radiant glow. You felt like you were in some romantic movie where everything goes perfectly on the first date. The thing is, everything did go perfectly, making it seem so unrealistic. You and Shawn ended up talking by the waterfall for another ten minutes, about life, school, music, family and everything in between. There a came a point where there was a lull in the conversation, and Shawn looked at you with his puppy eyes, and he licked his lips, moving his feet towards yours. You felt pretty confident that he wanted to kiss you, and as much as you wanted to kiss him too, you just weren’t ready yet. You knew the setting was perfect, and the whole date itself went well, but you barely knew Shawn. You learned so much about him tonight, yet you still barely knew him. So you backed away, and changed the subject of the conversation, walking towards the car away from the romantic scene at the waterfall. Shawn said nothing about kissing at all, and he followed you, walking right by your side.
“We should do this again some time.. If you want, of course.” Shawn said looking at the ground a small smile forming on his face.
“Yeah, I’d love to.” You replied back, moving a little closer to him. You really did like him, you just wanted to make sure it was real. You hated that kissing was always so easily done nowadays, with no meaning whatsoever. You wanted it to be more special than that. And so instead you tried something a little more innocent, and you reached for his hand intertwining his fingers with yours. Palm to palm, his hand felt warm and soft, and it fit yours perfectly. He must’ve felt the same because soon enough, his cheeks were a pretty pink and he was then squeezing your hand, smiling at the ground.
CAN YOU STOP SENDING ASKS ABOUT IT? Okay how many times have I explained how that ship makes me super fucking uncomfortable???? I really despise it cause it just makes me so anxious and it just UGHTUHG!!! IT MAKES ME A NERVOUS WRECK CAUSE IT JUST HURTS YANNO? I DON’T KNOW WHY BUT IT DOES ALRIGHT? Like, I don’t wanna make the people who DO like it mad but, pleasEEE!! Respect me for it okay?? Sure, I hate the ship but I don’t hate the people who ship it!! They don’t mean no harm!! Just please stop sending me asks about it cause it just makes me so anxious and it really really hurts ughhgh,,,