idk i miss him t t

askusanythingavengers  asked:

Idk if I've missed it or something but I haven't seen Rodney replying to things in a couple days. Is he ok? I saw that some people got a little nasty about diagreeing with him about an opinion he had, I hope they didn't make him quit being a mod here.

He’s still around, just not responding much. -Mandie

  • me regarding other people's abusers: what a terrible piece of subhuman filth. i hope they suffer every day for the rest of eternity. i would drop-kick them off the face of the earth if i saw them. kill all abusers!!!
  • me regarding my own abuser: idk it wasn't that bad? i provoked him. idk. he was nice, really. it was just me. i love him. i miss him. i'd hug him if i saw him. i don't deserve better

Am I the only jungkook stan who miss seing his real eyes ? I know lenses are good….but I feel like jungkook’s natural sparkle is missing whenever he has those large lenses on. Idk if you get what I mean ? His natural eyes give him that natural charming “jungkook” aura that no one else can pull off . Lenses are for performances but he’s been wearing them so much these days T_T jungkookie pls let me see the eyes I fell for….

Think About It ~ Joe Sugg (Requested)

Request:  Hello again! Can i request another Joe Sugg imagine/one shot where the reader is pregnant and she hasn’t told him yet and Zalfie, Caspar and Oli are at the reader and Joe’s house and she bought them all a baby onsie with text  to announce the reader’s pregnancy

Word Count: 1,384

Warning: Cursing? Idk. 

Keep reading

Okay, just a theory i guess. But do you guys remember when Lip and Karen were walking down the street and they’re talking about some shit and then they see Mickey and his brothers go onto the side walk in front of them Lip asks her “what does he want?” and Karen replies w “Mickey probably wants to ask me out again.” and Lip said “not interested?” or some shit like that and Karen’s all like “Well if you like the smell of cow shit.” 

Well I was thinking that why did Mickey look dirty through season 1, was it so that girls wouldn’t find him attractive or some shit and he didn’t want to reject any advances and fear his dad assuming he was gay? idk. And then after him and Ian started fucking around he looked cleaner and shit.  idk, I just miss his presence on Shameless tbh.

I generally dislike focusing on the negative comments but literally wdym @dauntlesschanel “Guat no cal isn’t asian” ??? Idk if you were trolling me or anything but well… Cal is literally a fictional character, people can picture him as any ethnicity they want to, and as far as I know it’s never mentioned in the books that that he isn’t. There’s PLENTY non-asian fancasts out there if that’s what you want. Thank you for missing the entire point of why I made the edit. Have a nice day.

Youngjae + yellow

aka yellowjae

btw don’t kill me for not crediting stuff, I just had them downloaded already

ok so here we go

first starting with this adorable photoshoot

he’s an angel, isn’t he?


I miss GOT7NOW


his moles are adorable ;-;

is this post getting too big? idk buT LOOK AT HIM

and of course, our queen, Coco

btw feel free to request(?) me other stuff!!

Okay so 59 missed calls.

If a woman is legit about to give birth and she calls her husband FIFTY-NINE TIMES and they don’t answer is she really just going to sit around waiting for him to come get her?  Like why wouldn’t she have just gone to the hospital already?  Call an ambulance or something?  I understand that she would be pissed at him for never answering, but it doesn’t make sense to me that she would just sit there like “well, I’m in labor and literally about to pop this baby out of my vagina, but I guess I’ll try calling John another 25 times before I do anything about it” am I the only one who finds this super weird???

do you guys remember season 3 CS? so good. i mean yeah emma’s walls were up and she was super guarded but i really loved all that sexual tension they had going on. plus i enjoyed their FRIENDSHIP. like they were legit friends that worked together and went on adventures and started to trust one another. sure they weren’t confirmed true love yet, or emma didn’t go full on dark swan to save him, and he didn’t die for her a million times, they had 1 kiss back then instead of 7534. all the epic stuff was still to come but yet they were friends who had each other’s back, constant banter, moments where they opened up etc. that friendship was the basis of everything we have now. from enemies to FRIENDS to true love. no otp compares. 


I’ve been in an One Piece mood lately…so glad Dressrosa is over, so glad T.T

canon au! halfway between a fic and a headcanon, 4k, rated M, pimms but eventual pb&j. originally plotted out live in the OMGCP IRC chat but then I cleaned it up to post here. promise it turns out alright. so just read it idk.

  • What if Kent hadn’t been a dick at Epikegster, and he and Jack started dating again?
  • Like, there’s so much history there. It would have been so easy. If Kent had just come to Jack as a friend, had just said, “I miss you. Where do you think you’re gonna play? I want to be in your life again, no matter where you go.”
  • Jack misses Kent too. He always has. And if Kent hadn’t used I miss you like a weapon, Jack might have… actually wanted to kiss him back.
  • Obviously Bitty would notice right away that something is different with Jack, because he has a crush the size of Montana. He’s paying attention.
  • So then Bitty would have to watch as Jack and Kent talked more and more—first just texts, then phone calls, then Skype sessions most nights, Jack laughing loudly enough that Bitty can hear him through the door. Jack would start mentioning Kent in conversation, telling stories about him, and it’s just little things… but Bitty notices. Kent even comes to visit, too, a couple of times. Jack starts leaving some weekends to go to Vegas.
  • and it’s………………. a pretty awful day, honestly, the day Bitty realizes Jack isn’t straight but he’s into someone else.

Keep reading

i’m so conflicted about charlie because?? on one hand he’s such a cunt to miss quill but on the other hand?? didn’t she want to kill his people or whatever?? he’s not channeling his anger in a healthy way and that’s problematic but miss quill is technically a criminal???
don’t get me wrong i’m on miss quill’s team all the way and i hope she gets that thing out of her head but??? charlie is like seventeen and probably doesn’t realise the severity of what he’s doing to her because he was told by his parents & rhodia that this was a justified punishment, and maybe it was on their world?? idk but he needs to stop abusing it and lighten up on miss quill a little because she’s just as angry as he is but channels it more obviously,, it doesn’t make him better than her?? same feelings but managed differently

petertheromaniwolf  asked:

New girl

i love you omg

  • my all-time ultimate fave character: Nick
  • a character I didn’t used to like but now do: Winston tbh
  • a character I used to like but now don’t: none of them tbh i love them all
  • a character I’m indifferent about: Reagan probably
  • a character who deserved better:  ryan, i miss him tbh
  • a ship I’ve never been able to get into: nick x reagan
  • a ship I’ve never been able to get over: nick x jess
  • a cute, low-key ship: schmidt x robby  
  • an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: jess x ryan mybe?? idk if its unpopular but i thought it was cute
  • a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: jess x russell
  • my favourite storyline/moment: s01e02 jess pretends to be nicks girlfriend at a friends wedding
  • a storyline that never should have been written: nick x jess breakup also schmidt cheating on cece 
  • my first thoughts on the show: i am literally nick 
  • my thoughts now: yep still nick

send me a show!

  • what she says: im fine
  • what she means: i don't know how brendon boyd urie expected to get away with writing hallelujah about ryan and act like it's not. if not then how do you explain the him in "you miss him like you miss no other" and if it is actually "them", why is he being ambiguous to the gender? it wouldn't be surprising for it to be she, but why did he choose "them". and then he said that it's not about anyone but both of the verses are obviously talking about someone and having an affair with them, and while they were quite young, and we know that ryan and brendon got together when they were young? also, if it's not about someone/an affair then why is the cover art of a messed up bed? and how do you explain the similarities between the lyrics from the young veins' songs and all of his songs. in hallelujah he says "and being blue is better than being over it", but in the young veins' song lie to the truth, ryan says "now if we're even, then why are we both blue?", which is just one example of the many times that brendon and ryan have had similar song lyrics after the split. i just wanna know the truth brendon

anonymous asked:

I feel like my entire dash is missing the part where we've spent the last month criticizing Russel/Louis' team

i personally haven’t seen any of that, but i think people bristle at critique of harry’s team for a couple of reasons:

- they haven’t really done anything yet, so what we’re judging is based on shady SM moves and press, which we all know is not a way to properly assess what’s happening.

- the azoffs and jeff were long hailed as the saviours of 1D, and people still hold on to the idea that he (and irving) have ALL the boys’ backs and not just harry’s.

- jeff seems to genuinely be friends with harry and it follows that he would have his best interest at heart. so criticizing him might seem like a critique of their friendship and harry’s judge of character. 

none of this can be said for louis’ team, so critiquing them is much more accepted.

anonymous asked:

I think John genuinely loved and wanted both Paul and Yoko, and maybe those conflicting desires are what led him to often contradict himself in interviews? Like, I think in the early seventies he wanted to pursue his own life with Yoko but perhaps the fact that he was so used to having Paul in his life at the time it led to him missing him but also resenting him because of how it all ended. Idk I feel like he never quite got over Paul and it led to a lot of inner conflict with him.

yes i definitely agree, i don’t think he quite got over paul either. i think he WANTED to get over paul at first, so he could live his own life and be his own person, but i don’t think he could ever fully give him up. i always think of that quote “the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.” the fact that john spent so much brain power on paul, spent so much time going through paul’s music and finding “hidden messages” about himself, spent so much energy writing and recording songs that were about paul… that’s kind of a big deal. even if those songs were negative and hurtful in nature, i just don’t think you would do that for someone you no longer cared about. 

i remember an interview where john suddenly got distracted and said “is that paul?” referring to a radio that was playing upstairs, which the interviewer hadn’t even noticed. john was still so attuned with paul, always subconsciously looking for him. in my experience, that’s not how people behave after they’ve willingly left a relationship, friendship or otherwise.

honestly, i think he chose yoko but wished he could have both.


“i miss you so much, i’ve just been wearing your clothes and pretending its one of your hugs…”

ahh~ @changkyuh​ tagged me– thank you dani ;; you’re really gorgeous i– aiofnwaeoifnaowei–

honestly, i haven’t worn denim in ages and idk why?? but yeah, i really love this picture of him so i was like mmm gotta go math bae per usual ;;; but yep ;; anyway– this is me after crying for an hour basically ;; 

i’m gonna tag: @ilovesuga​, @blushguk​, @crystals-n-diamonds​, @jimint​, @cherryuta​, @jonginsavedmylife​, @yoonnmini​, @haecchan​, and @haechance​ !!! don’t feel obligated to do it ofc !!!

The Lies We Tell (Part 11) (Lin x Reader)

Summary: They don’t just want you dead, they want you to suffer.

Warnings: Mentions of death, it goes from really happy to really sad real fast, I almost cried myself.

A/N: What happened to James actually happened to my brother so yeah idk @pierce
You smiled as you woke up, you didn’t even have to open your eyes. You were in a bed, and not in a car or a cell. You could feel Lin’s even breaths as you opened your eyes. After you had picked him up he’d brought you here, to his apartment. Told you you couldn’t leave again, that he
missed you too much. You told him you weren’t going anywhere, he was too good to leave. The sun peeking in through his room and landed on his face perfectly. You sat up a little and watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful, not nervous and jumpy, but calm and relaxed. You wished he’d be like that all the time. You didn’t know how much time had passed when his eyes started to open.
“Don’t wake up.” You whispered and he laughed. “If you wake up we have to start the day and I want to stay with you.” You said and he smiled.
“Well you’re freelancing right, you don’t really have to do anything, you can come to the theater with me.” You traced around his goatee as he said it.
“Lin-Manuel, you’re a genius.” You said and kissed his cheek and forehead and he laughed. “Never stop laughing.” You said leaning your forehead against his.
When you got out of the room you picked your phone out from the clothes that littered the floor. You pulled on Lin’s t shirt from last night as you waited for Swan to pick up. “Hello?”
“Hey I can’t make it in today. Gonna have to get your own breakfast.” You said and you could hear her eyes roll.
“Yeah whatever, you spend your day slacking off while we work our asses off to find the person who burned you. I hope you catch an STD.” Swan snapped as hung up. You glared down at your phone, she really was angry about yesterday.
You sighed and set down your phone, you wouldn’t let her ruin your day. You hadn’t see Lin in a month, which wouldn’t have been so bad if you hadn’t been in a dark small box with bad food and little sleep. Being around Lin had been more revitalizing than the last week had been. You could hear him walking up behind you, you rose a brow but didn’t turn around.
“I don’t know what you think you’re doing Lin-Manuel, but I know it’s not scaring me.” You said and his arms wrapped around your waist.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said and you turned to look behind you at him.
“Oh really?”
“Hmmm.” You said and broke free of his grasp. You walked to the kitchen and looked around. “So what do you want for breakfast?” You asked. He was quiet and he walked to you again and wrapped his arms around you.
“I missed you.” He said and you turned to look at him.
“We knew each other barely four days.” You said and he kissed you.
“Yet you still slept with me, and last night. Don’t tell me you didn’t miss me, or that this is small. I saw the look on your face last night. You missed me too.” He said and you were silent. You didn’t know what to say. You weren’t in love, but it could be, these intense feelings could turn into more that just random feelings.
“My parents asked about you, they really liked you too. My nephew won’t stop asking me when you’re coming back.” He said changing the subject. You wondered if he did that because he sensed you were uncomfortable or if he thought the conversation was over. You couldn’t help the smile growing on your face.
“Well I hope I’ll be joining you. I’m just waiting on an invitation.” You said and looked at him pointedly.
“Would you like to come to Sunday dinner?” He asked as you turned back to the counter.
“I don’t know, I have a busy schedule.” You said in a teasing tone and he turned you around again. “I’m starting to get dizzy.” You said and he kissed. You smirked into the kiss and slowly wrapped your arms around his neck. You could stay right here, in this moment forever.
“You’re too good for me.” You whispered.
“Hmm, I’d beg to differ.” He whispered and kissed the top of your head. It was quiet and peaceful and then Lin, being Lin, jumped away and looked at you with surprise.
“I just remembered you speak Spanish.” He said and you nodded and hopped up in the counter.
“That I do, and German, and French, and Swahili, and just about any language you can’t think of. Though I’m only fluent in a few.” You said and he looked at you in awe.
“Who are you?” He asked.
“The love of your life.” You said and he smiled.
You eventually did make breakfast though it was slow and full of Spanish whispers. You told him about your travels, leaving out a few things, like the fact that you were a spy. You told him you worked for a travel agency that you took pictures for brochures. He asked to see your portfolio, you told him that an enemy of yours had deleted it off your computer after you’d been let go, and you couldn’t find your flash drive. He told you about In The Heights, the years it had taken to write it how much it meant to him. He told you about being a teacher and how nice it was.
You wondered how none of this came up before, probably because it was just him gushing over rewrites and the Richard Rodgers. You had just been content to listen. He sang as you cooked and you couldn’t help but laugh as most of it was ridiculous.
After breakfast he calmed down, you wondered what time he had to be at the theater, but from how he was sitting on the couch writing it wasn’t any time soon. He was completely immersed in whatever world he was in. You finished washing the dishes and kissed his cheek,”I’m going to take a shower.” You said and he nodded.
“You can borrow some clothes if you want.” You gave a small smile.
“Don’t worry I have some in my car.” His eyebrows knitted together and you quickly made your way down. You grabbed some clothes and made your way back and to his bathroom. When you’d washed away the last week of stress away you stepped out and almost jumped out of your skin when your phone rang.
“(L/N) wha-”
“Where the fuck are you!”
“We’re taking a break, it’s been a stressful week, calm down Williams.” You said and rolled your eyes. He started going off about responsibility and how irrational you were.
“Williams I don’t know why you’re so angry. I’m hanging up, call me back when you’ve got your emotions under control.” You said and hung up on him, “Medics.” You said and rolled your eyes.
The morning was quiet as you walked around the house cleaning. He didn’t seem to notice, which was fine, he was writing and you needed a bit of normalcy in your life. You hadn’t been at home for more than a day in months. You hadn’t really cleaned in at least a year.
When you started to pick up in the living room he took off his head phones. “Do you need help, gosh sorry, I didn’t realize-”
“Lin it’s fine, you were writing and this place is a mess. It’s fine.” You said and laughed.
“Yeah, but you’re not a maid and this is my home-”
“Lin, shut up. This is the highlight of my week honestly. I’d rather do this than what i’ve been doing. So chill out, it’s okay.” You said and went back to cleaning. He tried to protest again, but you ignored him.
A timer went off somewhere and Lin hopped up from the couch. “You ready? I gotta get there a little early, I’ve got a few things to do.” You looked at him and nodded.
When you arrived at the theater you were surprised at the people standing there. “They’re waiting for tickets.” Lin explained.
“Damn.” You whispered and Lin and you snuck to the back door as walked in you could see the stage. You remembered the night you came to watch the show for the first time. It was crazy, you’d loved it so much. You were supposed to go out for dinner, but in the excitement of the show Lin had asked you out to drink with the cast.
That had been…. interesting.
As Lin lead you through the small cramped hall ways of backstage you finally reach a decent sized room painted green. “Is this yours?” You asked and he nodded. “Nice.”
“That was awkward.” He said teasing you.
“You’re awkward.” You and she lightly pushed him away. He pulled you to him and kissed your forehead.
“Hey I’m the guy that wrote, ‘If it take a war for us to meet it will have been worth it.’” You put a hand on his cheek. Your chest bloomed with some unrecognized emotion and you shook your head.
“You keep trying.” You told him and he pouted.
The day went along easily, you sat in Lin’s dressing room for the most part. You looked through his books, and the art on his desk. You stared at the picture of the old man tapped to his dresser, you didn’t remember seeing him at the last Sunday dinner. You found a huge book on South Pacific mythology and flipped through the pages smiling at the notes.
When everyone started to arrive you reacquainted yourself with everyone. Chris politely greeted you before he and the rest of the guys started to horse around. Pippa, Reneé, and Jasmine started to talk to you like you’d never left their side that night at the bar.
“So where have you been, Lin’s been moping around ever since you came out with us.” Jazz said and you scratched your neck.
“I was handling business out of town. Some work stuff that needs to be taken care of.” You said and they nodded. The rest of the afternoon was spent with them telling embarrassing stories of Lin. You laughed until your sides hurt. So this was what having (real non-work related) friends was like.
“Knock ladies, time to start getting ready.” Lin said. He saw you laughing at something Pippa had said and his smile grew.
“Hey Lin.” You said and wiped under your eyes.
“Hey beautiful.” He said as he leaned against the door.
You shook your head and got up from where you were sitting. “I’ll let you guys get ready.” You told them. You turned to Lin and rose a brow,”and so do you, you look nothing like a bastard orphan.” You said and he rolled his eyes.
“Yes mom.”
He got dressed, refusing to have you in the room as he did.
“I’ve seen you naked like twice.”
“Doesn’t matter, this is my time, to myself shoo.”
You didn’t mind, you understood. You had to take time to yourself too before you went undercover, even if it was for a while. Every morning you’d wake up and try to get into a mindset of who you were supposed to be portraying. The opening number went off without a hitch and with it Act one.
When intermission rolled around you were let into the dressing room as he changed. When he was finished you smiled a him. He hadn’t put the over coat on yet so his sleeves puffed and fell down his arms. You grabbed the fake glasses and strolled over to him.
“You know what my biggest weakness is?” you asked him quietly. He shook his head as he wrapped his arms around you.
“Act two Alexander, hair down, over coat off, glasses on.” You said and slipped the fake spectacles on him.
“Oh really?” He asked and you nodded.
“Then again, you entirely is my weakness.” You said and leaned in close.
“That was smooth.” He said and you laughed.
“I hope you were taking notes.” You whispered and he smirked.
“Don’t worry I was.” He said and he leaned in a little more and kissed you. You stayed there too until a knock at the door broke you apart.
“Ew get a room.” You heard Chris say.
“We did!” Lin yelled back at him as Chris walked away. You laughed and kissed his forehead.
“Go, I don’t want you to miss your cue.” You said and he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.
You sat in his dressing room for the rest of the show just listening to the music. When it was over you stood as Lin opened the door. Lin smiled at you as you stood from the couch as he came in.
“I still can’t get over this show, it’s great.” You said and hugged him. He kissed you on the top of your head.
“Thank you.” He said and you gave him a quick peck. When you tried to pull back he pulled you back in. You wrapped your arms around his neck and you-
“Where did you come from where did you go where’d you come from Cotten eye joe!” You pulled back and answered your phone.
“Joe can I help you?” You asked as Lin laughed and continued to kiss your cheek and jaw.
“A hit and run on your parents car, they’re in surgery, but they don’t expect them to make it out. James was in the car with them.”
“I’ll be there as quick as I can.” You said and hung up. Lin looked at you concerned.
“What’s wrong.”
“My parents are dying.” You said and started out the door. He followed after you. When you reached the stage door you turned to him.
“Hey, you stay here. Get dressed, I’ll call you if something happens okay.” You said and kissed his cheek.
“As soon as I’m done here I’m coming to see you.” He said and you nodded.
“Okay.” Your phone beeped and the address of the hospital popped up.
You hailed a cab and showed him the address, telling him to get there as fast as he could. It was clear until you got t ye wreak. It was huge, what the hell had happened. “This is as far as we’re going until this is cleaned up.” He said and you groaned. You got out of the cab and ran across to the side walk. You tried to navigate the streets and were doing a pretty good job.
When you got there you were panicked and speaking faster than you could think. You’d never been so scared. You’d considered yourself an honorary orphan, since you’d been adopted by your uncle. You could remember the night so well. Your parents had left you alone, again. They’d gone off to some party, only twenty five with a seven year old daughter. They’d decided that you weren’t as important as having fun. It was unfortunate, but it was your life. Around seven as you were putting yourself to sleep you heard a knock. You were scared but you went to look to see who it was. You’d never been good with self control.
“Uncle Joe!” You had exclaimed as you hugged him. He hugged you back and held your hand. He told your parents were sick and in the hospital. You went to wait with him. Later you’d find it they’d over dosed. Someone had called the ambulance and they’d been spared, but you were given to your uncle.
You spent years angry at your parents, refusing to go to Christmas at your grandmothers to avoid seeing them. They’d send letters, and presents on your birthday. They’d say they were sorry, and wished things had been different. You didn’t believe them, you knew they meant if you hadn’t been born things would have been different. When your grandmother died, you had to see them at the funeral. You’d been seventeen, ten years, you never realized how much you missed them. You needed something more than your uncle. You needed a mother, and she had been there. From then on they were in your life. You still lived with your Uncle, but they came over for dinner almost every night.
When you reached the waiting room you saw it was filled with your family. You honestly had never met better people. They were always on each other’s sides. You were each other’s biggest fans. When your parents had decided to quit their party lifestyle everyone had been rooting for them to get better. Then your little brother had been born. He was five now, and he was in surgery from being in a car wreak.
Your Aunt, your mother’s oldest sister, sat there in tears; your third oldest cousin, Jenna, who was your age sat there trying to comfort her. Kaley, oldest cousin sat with the kids on the floor. Most of them were asleep.
Joe was standing to the side talking to a doctor, he saw you and didn’t give any indication of it they were okay.
“MayMay!” Sarah, one of Kaley’s youngest yelled and ran to you. You wanted to roll your eyes at the nickname, Jenna had started calling you that in tenth grade, you had no idea why. It had stuck between all the cousins. Their kids had picked it up too.
“Hey sweetie, why don’t you go sit with Mimi while I talk with Joey.” You told her and she nodded. You walked slowly and calmly, you didn’t want to upset the somber mood in the room.
“Are they okay?” You asked, your voice shaking.
“I don’t know.”
“Who did this?” You hissed.
“I don’t know.” You gritted your teeth as clenched your fists. “I will get to the bottom of this. I will find them and I will end them. They messed with me and that’s okay, but they will not touch my family.” You said and he put a hand on your shoulder.
“Calm down, in the morning you can be angry, but right now be here with us.” He said and you shook your head.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to be tough here.” You broke down at that.
“I don’t want to be an orphan.” You said and he hugged you.
“You’re not going to be an orphan. It’ll be okay.” He whispered and you sobbed. It was louder than you expected and it almost scared you. After a few minutes you were sitting in a chair your head leaning on Jenna’s shoulder. She was your best friend, she was the only non-agent in your family that knew what you did for a living. Your phone was in your hand and you got a text.
Lin: I’m here, which floor.
You almost let out another sob as you wrote the words.
You: Intensive care floor 5
Lin: Okay, hold on. It’ll be okay. This too shall pass. Less than ten minutes later he was there. He seemed a little overwhelmed at the people.
“I thought I had a big family.” He muttered as he sat beside you. You laughed a little as he wiped your tears away.
“It’s gonna be okay.” He said and wrapped his arms around you. You shook your head you couldn’t let your guard down, not this time. You had to be ready for the hit, even if it never came.
What felt like days later a nurse came through the door. You were the first to stand.
“Miss (L/N)?” You nodded your head.
“Come with me.” You started walking and Lin followed you. You stopped and turned to him.
“Stay here, I-I don’t want you to see me- if - if the worst happens.” You said and put a hand on his shoulder. It felt forced, like he should come with you, but you couldn’t let him. He wanted to protest and you knew he would.
“Please.” You said and he nodded.
“As you wish.” You nodded and walked toward the nurse.
The door shut behind you, and there were people everywhere. You couldn’t help but feel a little overwhelmed. The nurse looked grim, like she was about to tell you you were an orphan.
“James and Mrs. (L/N) are stable, but Mr. (L/N) might not make it through the night.” Your heart dropped. You wanted to cry, you realized you’d cried more in the last month than you had in years. Whoever was doing this to you, didn’t just want you killed, they wanted you to hurt. They came after you where it meant the most.
“I’ll inform the rest of your family. They’re all together in that room over there.” She said and pointed to a room with a slightly cracked open door. You nodded and walked over there, it was like slow motion and you could feel your heartbeat through your whole body.
You opened the door and your little brother was laying there, bruises and cuts covered his face and you wanted to scream. He was asleep and you didn’t want to wake them. They were all asleep, recovering from their surgery. You took a deep breath, they almost looked like they weren’t breathing if you didn’t pay close attention. Soon enough Jenna and Joe and everyone were filing in. Your brother woke up first. The nurse came in and took care of the wires and IVs.
“MayMay.” He said weakly, he looked like he was in pain. Your heart wrenched, for the first time in a month Lin wasn’t the first thing on your mind. All you could think about was your little brother in a hospital bed with a black eyes.
“Hey Jamie,” you said quietly and pushed his hair out from his eyes. He was five, he hadn’t done anything wrong to deserve this. He had fought so hard to get into the world. His umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and had started to suffocate him, they had had to perform surgery. He’d almost been taken out of it, that thought ripped your heart to shreds. Tears welled in your eyes, this was your fault. You should have gone in today, you should have called them more, should have visited more often. Your family had fixed themselves and you weren’t there enough, and now your father was dying.
He was so young, only forty five, he had so much life to live still. Everything that would never happened flashed through your mind. He’d never walk you down the aisle, he’d never see James graduate, he’d never see his grandchildren, he’d never get that promotion he wanted, he’d never be at another Christmas, he wouldn’t tell you he loved you anymore.
The tears came again, “Jamie I love you, I promise I’ll always be here for you.” You said kissed his forehead.
“MayMay, why are you crying? What’s wrong? Where’s mommy and daddy?” You couldn’t tell him.
“They’re right here, mommy and daddy are walking up. I’m gonna go talk to them. Sarah and Jeremiah are here.” You told him and he perked up. You walked to your mother who was slowly blinking her eyes open, the same nurse came in and did the same thing she had done with James.
“Mom.” You said she gave you that smile a mom could only give you. She’d learned how to perfect it as she got older, she’d perfected everything with James.
“Hey, how are you?” She asked and wiped your tears away.
“I’m supposed to ask you that.” You said and sniffled.
“Well I just had surgery and a nap, I’m fine. You’re upset, what did the nurse tell you?” She asked and you told her. Then she was crying, and you were crying. You wanted to go back to those weekends you’d spend at home, your dad would have to work, but you’d climb into bed with your mom and just let everything out.
You never got tell your father you loved him one last time, because he never woke up.

anonymous asked:

Is it normal to miss your abuser? :/ like, yes, i know now that he was shitty, and i'm still affected by what he did. But I feel so bad for missing the relationship. Not that I would ever give him space to come back into my life again but idk. What should i do in this situation?

It’s normal. Please do not feel bad. Even though the relationship wasn’t a good one, when we leave we’ve still lost something. We lost someone we cared for, we lost our hopes for change, we lost our dreams for a life together, and we lost the relationship we often tried our best to build. It’s okay to miss him and to grieve. Just let yourself feel and remind yourself he wasn’t good for you. I promise with time it will pass