idk i like it so

8

hyung line x mic drop remix

two years ago to the day, i realized that im gay and like. im so happy that i did. my life is not….yknow great at the moment and i still have tons to work through, but realizing im a lesbian and accepting it has been literally the best thing that ever happened to me. despite how hard it is being a lesbian (and even saying the word “lesbian” is difficult sometimes) i wouldnt change it for anything.

so like. if you’re reading this and you’re confused about who you are, if you’re questioning your sexuality or gender or you’ve recently come out to yourself (as anything— gay, bi, lesbian, trans, pan, anything i’ve not listed) i love you. take your time and be patient with yourself. there’s no rush. you’ll get there

HFD Monaco Week Day 6- Cosmetics

Some people think luxury is the opposite of poverty. It is not. It is the opposite of vulgarity. - Coco Chanel


hhh something sweet and simple for today as well! ofc monmon would be decked out entirely in chanel, from her clothes to her makeup ♥♥ what a babe

yes i’m still wrecked over Christian Borle. thank you for respecting my privacy during this difficult time.

Ooohhh boy, oh shit. My dog vomited a couple days ago and apparently my parents didn’t fuckING CLEAN IT UP???? I’m home for thanksgiving and I just accidentally touched it with my foot and holy shit I want to cut my damn foot off….!.!!!!!!!!!

rant /

@seliniakocharitos enabled me on my post: Don’t get me started on Orianna.

g e t s t a r t e d

Alright well I feel like no one really pays attention to Orianna’s parents and that’s what kinda sets me off. Like… I get that no one has parents apparently in the entire cast and what is family and the only time family even remotely gets brought up is for yet another wife in the fridge trope? But it’s bloody terrible. And I feel like almost no one wants to even bring up parents unless there’s a very specific reason or it’s already sitting there in the background (e.g. Sona and Talon are obvious cases b/c they’re adopted and their relationships with their adoptive parents are very important).

But I feel like the relationship between Orianna and Corin gets sidelined, and worse still is the relationship between Orianna and her mother (who isn’t even really mentioned…?) Maybe just because I’ve been looking and writing Orianna a long time, but I feel like from what all I’ve extrapolated, it’s difficult for me to believe that her mother was ‘sidelineable’.

For one, we clearly know that Corin is a genius, but besides his amazing biomechanical clockwork constructions, he really only cares about Orianna. And he’s extremely protective of her. Protective to the point that, after she goes down to Zaun and gets sick, he fixes her lungs with clockwork but also installs a key in her back - she can’t wind it herself, someone has to wind it for her. In the old lore, the Ball is built as her protector. In the new lore, Orianna builds it herself…?

However, he’s also shown to be extremely reclusive and highly antisocial. And in both the old lore and the new lore, Orianna has a clear interest in theater, in dance, in ballet. So where did that come from? From the reclusive genius who is overprotective of his daughter from a suspiciously absent mother? And Corin is ever so cautious regarding the Blight.

i dunno it just reads to me like Orianna’s whole thing with ballet and theater is partially inspired by her mother or some other source? It’s easy to say mother, who is now out of the picture of unknown reasons. Again, my assumption here is she fell ill. And Orianna is known to be a very talented dancer, even at a young age (but she’s also an extremely intelligent roboticist apprenticing under her father? so again, where does that come from?) But here’s the other really big and really important thing?

Orianna’s a really good and really selfless person. I mean extremely good. In the original lore, she’s really interested in the champions of the League, and she’s this naive young woman with natural grace. But then you go back to what’s the league for, and it’s to solve conflict. So sure, she’s fascinated by League’s champions, but she’s also motivated (and you can guesstimate this because she’s explicitly stated to be naive) to help people? And then you look at her new lore and she’s literally this pure ball of sunshine. She’s the storefront for Corin, she’s the face of the shop. She builds things purely because they bring Zaunites joy. She completely disregards her father’s warnings and steals off before light with her arms full of rebreathers to help in Zaun.

Zaun, a place she’s never been to, that (having grown up sheltered in a wealthy district) she should by all means be judgmental and cautious of. Pilties are generally that way, but not Orianna. Orianna hears that there’s been a great disaster, and she looks at her father and goes “We can help. We should help!” And when he says no, she does it anyway. And then she gives up her rebreather for someone else. That’s the kind of person she is. And I want to believe very much that some of that comes from the way she views her mother and what few memories she has of the woman.

Idk it feels like people just don’t appreciate that relationship with Orianna. And they’re so focused on this fascimile, they ignore that the facsimile “made a sound that was supposed to be a girl’s squeal of glee and hugged The Ball “ (from the League Judgment). I wish we had an age for Orianna, because everything about her reads 16-20. I could see her being 19, easily.

And yeah, I pull a lot from the old lore, but that’s kinda because my divergent Orianna pays its due respects due both the new and old lore. It just bugs me that people treat Orianna as though she’s… not an attempt to mimic a father’s interpretation of his lost daughter. That’s what she was in the old lore, and that’s not quite the same as new lore Ori - a girl who has lost her heart and sense of self, is emotionally stunted. Yet, she craves freedom (because for a few years at that point, she’s essentially been chained to her father, who she still loves and adores but has gone mad/become sick/etc)

She’s also clearly lost so many things that one expects in a human person. She works tirelessly without end, all her organs and her entire body is replaced by metal and techmaturgy and biomechanical engineering. We’re pretending the infinity gear doesn’t exist, because it doesn’t under the new lore, but… She’s lost that connection to her humanity. 

I do take some time to kind of unify my theories and explanations on how all of this works together in a long, adjusted lore, but… I guess the point of this is, “oh man people really don’t respect that Orianna is trying to be human when she can’t be.” Thematically, that’s where she is and has been constant in both old and new lore. And fundamentally, insisting that you’re a human when you’re not (old ori) or dealing with a loss of parts of what made you human (new ori) is not the same as a robot that acknowledges its a robot. She’s even stated in old lore to be seen as unnatural and to have less of a soul than Blitzcrank. That is, the steam golem is more human than she.

My Orianna is so influenced by her parents. And extremely motivated by her desire to do good and help people. She lives in a city full of people who believe function is more important than beauty, that happiness can be neglected, and she fights so desperately against that while trying to remember what it feels like to feel happy. Because she can’t feel anything anymore and all she ever wanted to do was help people and make her parents proud.

tbh i feel like i cant address anything until it gets “bad enough” like my brain, my back, my stress, my ed, whatever have you. but the thing is like…what is bad enough? i keep waiting for some big Trauma to happen in one fell swoop so i can finally point to something and say “thats why im like this” instead of a bunch of tiny things building up to brain and body pain like its been

if its a bunch of little things, none of it should bug me right?