idk i got this from youtube. i will make better ones if i had it on my laptop

the types as things they've all said to me

ENFJ: “yeah i’ve take the personality tests a few times and it can never type me, i always get like 50/50 on each of the things, so i’m really balanced; i’m EXXX” (bitch MORE than 2 of you have said this to me, you are all problematic and project those questions onto yourselves you fake ass hoes)
INFJ: “i should start a psychic business and pretend to take people’s fortunes because i’m so good at this.” (this was said after she guessed that her boyfriend would get a 96 on his philosophy exam after he had gotten a 97 on the last one, and was exactly correct. tl;dr every INFJ is a demon)
ESFJ: “i get to take care of you and treat you until you’re better!” said with real tears in his eyes after i had rolled my ankle and it was the size of an actual softball. he held my hand as he said it.
ISFJ: “i’m trying my best!” said very flusteredly (it’s a word, shut up) after we poked fun at the fact that he was still 4 labs behind on homework. he was also on youtube at the time.
ESTJ: “joe hasn’t answered me and we’re leaving for austria for spring break in TWO months and i need a plan for what we’re going to do the first weekend ASAP or i’m going to literally kill him with my bare hands.”
i have no more context to add to this, yall are literally just the most extra people i’ll ever meet.
ISTJ: “i feel like…” and then you proceeded to lie to me because none of you have felt anything, ever.
ESFP: “what’s happening?! should i talk to him?! should i ignore it and be oblivious?! idk what to do im not an intuitive!” said when i was pissed at everybody and he accidentally got the brunt of my rage. you are all pure and naive and just want to have a good time and i respect that; you do you, boo boo the fools, just keep doing you.
ISFP: “i’m about to make a transatlantic flight to austria to instill the fear of god into every one of those girls playing with joe’s heart over there.” said about her little brother while still in her horse riding gear, in between walking from the dinner table to her laptop to watch sherlock and dr. who. im 100% not joking about this, her name is Mary Duran and she paints on the side too.
ESTP: “well, enough of that.” said moments after crying for two minutes, and seconds before throwing a lawn chair across the yard and breaking a window because he didn’t know how else to process his emotions. @everyESTP, pls get help.
ISTP: “HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A FUCKING BLINKER. USE YOUR BLINKER BEFORE I SLIT YOUR THROAT.” (this is literally every time i’m in the car with him, no matter what, no matter how long; tl;dr every one of you shouldn’t drive, ever.)
ENTP: “but was kant really that bad?” said by some hoe in one of my higher level philosophy classes as he introduced us to Irrelevantland™. stick to your memes and stop antagonizing every person you meet you bored ass mfs.
INTP: “the old lady thinks i’m going to fix our neighbor’s AC, which means i have about 45 minutes to get to a town 34 minutes away to see if the guy has one of the car parts i’ve been looking for. it’ll cost about $200-$220, but i gotta take the money out in small increments around town so she doesn’t get suspicious.” said by my best friends dad, in reference to his wife and his unhealthy obsession with fixing up old, unusable cars.
ENTJ: “socrates was probably the dumbest person to ever live, and i wrote an entire 12 page paper on it and got an A.” (i have no more to add to this; you’re all just as bad as the ESTJs and must be stopped.)
INTJ: “that was a good burn. i think i’m going to like you.” said to me after i said something witty and sarcastic to my ENFP best friend. p.s. every INTJ has an XNFP best friend, it’s just a fact, accept it).
ENFP: “hey remember how you’ve been telling me for the past three months that im overcommitting myself and doing too many things? well today after my seventeenth breakdown of the semester so far, i realized that you might be right.” (said by my best friend. not much else to add to this, really; you’re all insane.)
INFP: “my friend brought me a puppy between classes today and it was only the second of four times i cried today.”

Uncut

I wrote this when Phil made his ‘My Secret Files’ video and totally forgot about it until I was moving stuff over from my old hard drive and figured posting it is better than just having it exist but not be anywhere so I hope you enjoy lmao

Summary: Phil is sorting out his old computer and he finds an accidental sex tape of his and Dan’s. 



Warnings: idk slight sexy times(ahaha I cant write smut lol) sad break up times and a little bit fluffy



Word count: 3489 



Keep reading

random aus

They’ve prolly been mentioned before somewhere else but meh i’m gonna do it anyway have some aus

  • “I’m a dancer and was trying out this new move in public but accidentally crashed into you and you got hurt so I brought you to a nearby clinic and I am so fucking sorry about that what can I do to make it up for you (also fuck I broke a hot person’s arm I am absolute trash)”
  • “I am legit the BEST fucking cheater in this classroom I have never been caught once but then YOU came along and found out that I had marked the windows with a special ink that is only visible through the type of material I made these glasses out of and I REFUSE to be beaten by you I’m gonna find a way to cheat successfully in your class I swear”
  • “I am a new teacher and I encourage all of my students to try and cheat through my class because the subject I’m teaching centers around problem-solving and critical thinking and if you ACTUALLY find a way to cheat without me knowing then you’re utilizing the knowledge properly”
  • “There’s a curse on this entire city and we literally cannot speak without it being a direct line from any song at all which is why I’m explaining it to you using this note also my singing voice is terrible”
  • “I accidentally wrote your last name instead of mine when I was writing my full name in the test and I totally forgot about it but then the teacher suddenly started giggling to herself in the middle of the class and I didn’t know until she called both of us to the front”
  • “My dog escaped last night and so did your dog but when my dog came back your dog followed her and is now trying to bang her and um this is kinda awkward”
  • “We accompanied both of our little siblings/cousins to this birthday party and now we’re handcuffed together because the shitty magician they hired fucked up his trick and is now trying to convince all the kids that the reason the cuffs wouldn’t come off is because destiny is binding us together do you wanna corner him later and beat the shit out of him”
  • “I just asked the most inane question in the entire world rhetorically but then you barged in and gave a legit response and I actually didn’t know that and now I am ashamed”
  • “My little siblings LOVE going to this trashy pizzeria so I pass the time by beating all the high scores on every single arcade game they have but then one day someone beat all of my high scores by exactly 100 points and I KNOW it’s the same person because they used the same fucking name on the scoreboards each time my pride is on the line who the hell did this I will fight them”
  • “So this couple just passed by and they’re singing to each other and all of a sudden the passerbys just joined in and it’s become one huge musical number and suddenly I know the song and start dancing along then started dancing with you and we had the same confused/horrified looks on our faces and then the music stopped and everyone went back to normal like nothing happened and we’re just looking at each other and we’re so confused are we in a Disney movie”
  • “The local government hired me to paint a mural on this extremely long and blank wall and I’m pretty sure I only started at end of the wall I didn’t do the stuff at the other end but somehow the entire thing is coming together as this panorama story thing and I NEED to know who that other artist is because really they’re making my job easier plus their work is beautiful”
  • “I’m the English lit teacher and no one must know that I write fanfiction of my own students and publish them online so I’m TERRIFIED when I learn that you - the art teacher - know about everything but turns out you make fanart for them and turns out we’re both fans of each other’s work online do you wanna work together and hook these guys up”
  • “This really fast paced song came on and I started dancing to it using these dance moves from this very specific video somewhere and it turns out you know the moves too so we end up dancing together and now everyone is staring at us I don’t even know you’re name”
  • “Am I cross-dressing at this costume party yes yes I am and it’s fantastic”
  • “We’re both at this costume party held by mutual friends and you’re dressed as the person I heavily ship with the person I’m dressed as also you’re cute can you pls make this ship come true for a while for me I’ll buy you a honey bagel”
  • “I just met you but I’m PRETTY sure you’re literally Captain America no really what is a perfect specimen you doing in this danky-ass coffee shop that I work at is that your drawing oh my gods you really ARE Steve Rogers aren’t youuuu”
  • “Did you actually fucking make a fully functional technological suit of armor for this cosplay competition- oh my gods you DID I’m gonna have to step up my game during the presentation. What the hell though you should be making a self-sustaining energy source or something not wasting your talents on a fucking cosplay convention”
  • “I animate a bunch of music vids on YouTube and decided I’d try out doing a cover for this one song so I go out of my way to use and actual recording studio because my mic is shit and I’m really flustered about singing this in front of a total stranger but you’re being really supportive and keep giving me tips for making my voice sound better and eventually we end up singing a duet and it sounds amazing and I am subjected to listening to it over and over again and I end up animating a love story using our vocals and it’s got so much positive feedback and they want us to do another duet? What? No, I didn’t make it a love story bec I fell for you at first sight what no”
  • “My jam went on while on the bus and it’s REALLY hard not to dance to it in my seat and you’re staring at me weirdly I apologize for being a strange creature but you don’t understand this song is perfection”
  • “We’re the only two people in the class who know how to sing this one Russian lullaby and the whole class goes totally silent while we do a duet and apparently it sounds REALLY creepy when we sing it wanna dress as dead Russian children and sing together in random dark alleyways”
  • “The teacher accidentally left his music playing on his laptop so when he opened it it started playing a Japanese song very loudly and we just start belting out the lyrics we’ve memorized by heart and I’ve never really talked to you but you seem like a cool person plus you’re singing voice is great why is the teacher looking at us with sparkly eyes
  • “I make really cheesy/nerdy pick-up lines and usually when I tell them to people they groan at how terrible they are but then you overheard me telling one and cut in with an equally cheesy/nerdy pick-up line so now we’re just shooting each other pick-up lines back and forth”
  • “I play the cello really weirdly and you play the guitar really weirdly so our friends decide to hook us up and now we’re composing a hella good song it’s gonna be a huge hit”
  • “You are literally sparkling in the sunlight are you okay you’re not a Twilight vampire or a shoujo character are you?”
  • “I am a tech wizard and am so sorry for your loss, and I will do my best to try and restore your laptop to its former glory with minimal pay, also you should probably avoid looking at funny videos and drinking milk at the same time”
  • “What the hell kinda vine are you tryna make that involves me holding onto your legs as you dangle haphazardly out your apartment window that is on the eighteenth floor”
  • “That is the most neon shirt I have ever seen a person bear to wear pls burn it”
  • “As your doctor I would advise you to stop from using yourself as reference I don’t care if it’s for your novel you can’t just walk into a bar and ask the biggest guy you can find to punch you really hard in the shoulder my gods”

I’ll add more when I think of them if yer gonna use them tag me maybe idk

A letter to Dan

Summary thing: Phil is leaving the London apartment for good but doesn’t quite know what to say
word count: 1,091
a/n: i found this kinda sad to write so it might be sad i’m sorry if it is but i don’t think it is but it might be

Looking down at the blank piece of paper before him, Phil thought hard about how to start this letter. He was by no means a professional, or even good, writer but he had always enjoyed writing - until now. Of course, he’d written plenty of serious letters, mostly in the form of emails, but none would ever compare to this one. No letter he’d ever sent would make his heart race as this one did.

Keep reading

Clash of the Titans

Resbang is eh right now, and you all encouraged me yesterday, so this happened. College AU with ToraDora! premise.

The door of the coffee shop was emblazoned with a familiar green trim, but instead of the trademark mermaid that dotted every city corner in New York City, the circular logo slapped on every wall, doorway, and coffee cup featured a cartoonish skull. The most incriminating evidence of plagiarism was the coffee shop’s name–Deathbucks.

 

“How the hell hasn’t this place been sued yet?” Soul wondered aloud. He fingered the shoulder strap of his bag, gathering his courage. The overwhelming whirlwind of sophomore year had only just begun, and already Soul felt the weight of his classes hang heavily on his psyche. This school year wasn’t going to be easy, but he had a feeling things were turning around.

 

Soul pushed open the door of the coffee shop, resolute. This year things were going to go differently. This was the year everything was going to turn around. No more rumors that he was a demon some drunk freshman summoned with a spell off the internet. No more whispers that Soul was secretly a mass arsonist, a cult leader, a serial killer, or a death eater. No, this was his year to shine, his year to show everyone that red eyes and sharp teeth didn’t mark him as the spawn of Satan. He just had to get over his shyness and take the first step.

Keep reading