Be More Michael!
a/n: At first, I can’t see any situation where Michael takes a squip. But seeing how I put an (with a name and everything) au out there I have it a shot by shimmying around some very circumstantial stuff.
summary: Michael just wanted a tictac
warning: VERY QUESTIONABLE PLOT?? drug mentioned (mainly pot and squip)
“Wait so it’s like drugs?” Michael muttered as they walked side by side down to the Payless. He rummaged through his hoodie’s pockets and began picking at the lint he found in every crevice. “Are you sure you wanna take drugs? You know JUST stopped gagging when you take a drag of the blunt” Michael winked at him, sticking out his tongue adding a bit more insult to his tease.
Jeremy turned up his nose and stiffened his spine trying to make himself look taller. “It’s not drugs…it’s a computer…or whatever, I don’t know how to explain it. Rich had this cool song…” He waved his hands in front of him. “It’s from Japan.” His voice went up a few octaves before cracking, trying to recreate the feel.
Michael nodded a bit, “sounds legit.” The closer they got the more Jeremy began to perspire beside him. “Dude stop walking like someone who’s about to make a drug deal.”
“W-What” Jeremy flinched then looked around nervously. “I-I look like someone who’s going to make a deal!”
“That or you look like someone who’s about to take a major dump in his pants.” Michael clapped his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders and gave him a small squeeze. “Just be chill.”
“That’s MY problem, I don’t know how to be CHILL, Michael.” He hung his head a bit and sighed. “…I wish I can be more like you.” He chuckled a bit. “You’re always pretty chill.”
“Be more like me then, walk in there and trade in hundreds of dollars for a possibility of awesomeness…or a complete and utter waste of time.”
“I don’t think anyone could be more Michael, Michael” Jeremy’s blue eyes disarmed Michael’s heart and he felt all his taunts and best friend banter go out the window and into speeding traffic. “Say…uh…you usually buy your weed…mind…ya know…” He swayed a bit, pulling a very sweet Heere smile.
How could Michael say no? With a few groans and eye rolls, Jeremy slapped the bills into Michael’s hand went to wait for him inside of Spencer’s. Michael walked in with a little more sauve than Jeremy but he couldn’t shake the small voice that reminded him he was packing 600$ of money that didn’t belong to him. The drug deal was suddenly weighing on him a bit harder than his usually dime-bag deal. Still, Jeremy was counting on him and he pushed through the Payless and walked over to an exceptionally greasy looking stock boy behind the counter. “I’m here for the…stuff.” Michael leaned up against the desk, keeping his face turned away from the employee.
“The stuff?” He repeated in a monotone voice.
“Yea-yea man you know the stuff, that stuff, that special stuff.” Michael waved his hand coolly, he even popped the hood of his hoodie up adding to the effect. He was so suave, Jeremy would cream himself if he saw him. Wait—why did that come to mind. Suddenly Michael felt himself flush and a hand come to his mouth. Suddenly he felt the box nudge his arm and he looked down. So there it was…600 dollars worth of drugs. He opened it up to check and his face fell… “My…dude…” he muttered opening the box fully “what the hell is this?”
“Size eight-n-a half red pumps from the back room.” He shrugged, “We ran out a week ago, I’ve been holding onto it for the right price.”
“Do I look like I’m here for a size eight heel?” He pulled up the shoe by the heel and began to wave it around.
The stockman shrugged then waved his hand over his face, “probably and maybe a tictac.”
Michael groaned and leaned in a bit to the counter against the stockboy’s wishes. “I’m here for…the squip?” He whispered watching the man’s eyes go from dull to very steely and cold. He gave Michael a nod and went to the backroom. After two long minutes of waiting he returned with a regular looking shoe box. Michael opened it up a second time half expecting another pair of shoes when he noticed a baggie with a long, off gray pill inside. “So…this is it?” This tiny thing was worth 600$?
“400.” The guy grunted, Michael blinked.
“You heard me, four. Hundred.”
There was no arguing with that, Michael handed over the money saving Jeremy two hundred dollars and getting the drugs for him. He was going to be his hero. “Alright, oh can I have a tictac too?” He breathed into his closed hand and wondered if he had severe sushi breath.
“Here take it with Red Dew, and also, before you go I gotta tell you that–” He handed over the mint then realized Jenna was strolling over. “We’re all out!”
“Of…shoes?” She shook her head a bit then looked at Michael.
“Right.” The stock boy turned his attention to Jenna and left Michael to his devices. Michael didn’t seem to think there was anything else he needed to know. A drug was a drug and from what he knew pills got ingested. A part of him did worry though…his brother and his father were big on the war against drugs. His brother more so he was turning into Michael’s police man when it came to his future. He made his way towards the Spencer’s, thumbing the tictac in his hand while he examined the pill some more.
“Well lil buddy, you’re gonna make my buddy super cool…” He chuckled talking to the small pill. “Which shouldn’t be too hard, Jeremy is already the coolest, but I guess sharing that kind of cool-a-tude with the rest of the world won’t be bad. After all” Michael felt his smile soften a bit. “After, all Christine won’t be able to resist him once she gets to know him.”
For a second Michael thought about…well what if he didn’t give this to Jeremy. Nothing would change, he wouldn’t have to share Jeremy with anyone. No one would have to know how Jeremy was awesome at Mario Kart, or the fact he held the n64 controller WRONG by using that weird middle handle. Or the way he wrinkled his nose right before he laughed like he was trying to fight it back. No one had to know that Jeremy could name the best 80s B-rate horror films in order of blood content. No one had to know that Jeremy had a small mole on his hip that as a kid his father would say was his tickle button. No one had to know the Jeremy Michael knew…He held the pill in his hand feeling like he could crush it in his palm…then sighed, stuffing it in his pocket.
It would crush Jeremy. It would suck if Jeremy was unhappy. He bit his bottom lip and smiled, feeling his muscles relax with defeat. If this made Jeremy happy… well then Michael didn’t need any more reason than that. After all what were bros for? He smirked as he watched Jeremy narrowly avoid half of the anime merch, even with his back to it, Michael knew he was probably eyeing some shirt or poster. “Jeeeer” Michael sang as he walked through the store. “I got your drugs.”
“MICHAEL” Jeremy shrieked cupping both hands at his mouth. “Don’t! SAY!THAT!” He hissed, turning red from the tips of his ears down to his neck.
“Tehe.” Michae chuckled beneath his hands. “Alright, alright, oh and I saved you 200$.”
“Wow, and here was worried I blew ALL of my money.” Jeremy opened the box and blinked. There was no pill, his face went pale for a second when Michael pulled his hand from his pocket and presented him with the small white pill. “Jesus, Michael you scared me!”
“Is it ok for a Jewish kid to swear to Jesus?” Jeremy shrugged a bit and it forced a small laugh out of Michael as his friend looked at the pill. “Well…there it is, cool in a capsule. You ready?”
“You wanna split it?” Jeremy asked his eyes on it, this was going to change his life. He could feel it.
“I don’t think it works like that…plus I like knowing when you’re cool, you’re gonna owe me.” He winked. “You gotta drink that with Mountain Dew, by the way.”
“Why?” Jeremy didn’t mind but it felt like a strange combination.
“No clue, just do it.” Michael was ready to watch Jeremy take his first steps into drug induced popularity when his phone buzzed. He snatched it out of his hoodie pocket and pouted. “I gotta run, brother is coming home tomorrow and I have to help mom clean out his room.”
“I didn’t think Ryan would be back so soon, isn’t he like…in college?”
“Yea he’s only coming for a short while before finals hit him. Then we won’t hear from him for another few weeks.” Michael shrugged, “sooo that means tomorrow night, we’re hanging at your place!”
With a ruffle of Jeremy’s short, tuffed brown hair Michael was off. He didn’t hear much from Jeremy after that, Michael felt like asking how it went and whether he was alright. However he was probably enjoying his new popularity, more importantly his mom had him carry down boxes of junk that had been storing in Ryan’s room to the basement, Aka Michael’s man cave. “Are we done yet, MA?” He called from down stairs feeling grungier than usual.
“Si~” She sang from the kitchen.
Michael slumped into his beanbag and stared at the second one beside him. He wondered if Jeremy would be too cool for video games? No, that was unlikely. Jeremy would be himself, just…maybe less sweaty and better breath. “Ah… right.” He dug his hands into his pocket and found his tictac. He popped it into his mouth and rolled it around in his tongue. It wasn’t right, no mint flavor and it was surprisingly sleeker than he thought.
“Michael, tienes hambre? (Michae are you hungry?)” his mother called from upstairs.
“Nah Ma I’m fine-aH” He spoke while his tongue was still testing the strange pill in his mouth. He felt the tictac roll down his throat and in a moment of pure shock he reached for his soda and chugged it down dislodging the small object from his throat canal. “Fuck…” He hissed, gulping making sure he was not going to choke on a tictac. What a lame death that would be.
Michael took off his glasses and rubbed his watery eyes. The moment past and he reached for his phone realizing he had a missed call from Jeremy. Probably called while he was helping his mother. His hand paused when he heard, so clearly a voice say.
Calibrating Cerebral functions
“Huh…” Michael looked around and stared at his TV which was very clearly off.
Identifying …Michael Mell…Self confident, glorified…loser.
“Wait woah who said that, I am not a glorified loser! … I’m a regular loser with great qualities.” He spoke back to the disembodied voice.
Well, then regular loser Michael. This…is going to hurt.
And it did.