idk happy fourth of july!!

Hey everybody happy July fourth! To celebrate let’s talk fireworks and some Foxes

  • Fireworks sound like gunshots
  • Even if they don’t to you
  • They do
  • Especially to someone with ptsd
  • Especially to someone who’s been shot
  • And shot at multiple time
  • It startles the skin from your bones as your body readys fight or flight
  • Absently you know it’s not guns
  • It’s not
  • But all your brain registers is “shots”
  • (shots shots shots shots shots. Sorry.)
  • Which makes fireworks a terrible thing
  • And America on july fourth is a hellhole of fireworks
  • You literally can’t escape them
  • People shoot them off on the first of july
  • The first 
  • (everyone should calm down, please)
  • Neil Josten has been shot
  • Has been shot at
  • He flinches when he hears the loud bang of a firework on the second of July
  • Scrambles from the bed
  • Even though
  • He knows
  • Absently
  • He knows
  • No one is shooting at him
  • He still reaches for that damn duffle though  
  • Still reaches for a weapon
  • Still jumps to unsteady legs ready to run
  • run run run run run run run
  • His mind warns
  • But he stops before he actually runs
  • He stops and he looks around
  • He listens even though his heart is in his throat
  • He waits and he waits
  • Then nothing
  • Silence
  • He turns to find Andrew’s hooded eyes staring at him the darkness 
  • Still nothing
  • Still silence
  • And Neil climbed back in bed

  • Andrew had his own problems with the noises celebratory activities
  • The loud bangs in the darkness
  • The sudden bursts that get your heart to jump when you don’t know they’re coming
  • And it seems impossible to know when they’re coming
  • (bc people shot them at 7:30 while it’s still daylight!! What are you doing??!?!)
  • Andrew doesn’t jump quite like Neil does
  • And its not everytime he hears the loud bang
  • But there is moments
  • Moments when it pops while he’s on the fragile line between wake and sleep
  • When he’s relaxed enough
  • Enough to drift
  • Enough to sleep
  • That’s when he tosses his limbs
  • Fights an imaginary beast from his nightmares
  • Bc that loud noise was just right to wake him fully
  • Just right to scare his mind into fighting back
  • He hits Neil once
  • Rough enough to knock the wind out of him
  • But not too rough that it would do any lasting damage
  • “Andrew?”
  • It’s silent beside Andrew’s few rough pants
  • he doesn’t sleep very well after that
  • Even after the sound stops

  • Aaron never had a problem with fireworks before
  • But mid-day on july fourth some kids throw down some Pop-Its
  • (you know those little TNT things??)
  • And that sound
  • The little pop
  • And you know how a certain sound is all it takes
  • A certain sound just takes you back
  • And sometimes it doesn’t have to be the same sound
  • Just similar enough to destroy you
  • That was this sound
  • The sound of a little burst
  • That sounded enough like the sound of a skull popping
  • Bursting under the weight of a racquet
  • And Aaron is back in that room
  • With blood on his hands
  • Taking a life
  • Killing a man
  • He deserved it
  • He deserved it
  • He deserved it
  • Aaron didn’t realize he was shaking 
  • Until Katelyn rubbed his arm
  • Squeezed his hand
  • Brought him back

happy fourth guys!