This scene, to me, is the most important scene for Kieren and Simon’s relationship, specifically Simon’s part in it. Because up until this point, Simon has been struggling to find the difference between “Kieren is important.” and “Kieren is important to me.” Here is where I finally see Simon accepting that difference.
At first Kieren was important because he was important to Amy, because he was a pds sufferer in Roarton, a pds sufferer not yet converted to the ULA’s mission. That all changes when Simon gets to know him and not only is he beautiful but he’s kind and compassionate and brave. He’s confident in his knowledge of right and wrong even when he’s not all that confident in himself. Kieren was important in the beginning but now he’s important in a different way and Simon struggles with that. You can see it in the way he tries to continue with the religious zeal, even though Kieren has seen right through it from the beginning, but drops it instantly when it looks like Kieren may leave. “There’s what I believe and then there’s you.” Again when he discovers Kieren is the first risen. “He’s beautiful.” Simon is falling for Kieren, he knows Kieren is special but Kieren is also special to his mission. His devotion to his religion is still getting mixed up with his feelings for Kieren.
Then the undead prophet tells him that Kieren has to die. He knew it, he knew Kieren was important. Kieren is important to the ULA. So it should be okay that he has to be sacrificed. But it’s not. And Simon doesn’t understand. Doesn’t understand until he’s in the graveyard and this beautiful boy is so set on never hurting anybody ever again that he’s fighting blue oblivion in a way that shouldn’t be possible. Doesn’t understand until somebody points a gun at Kieren. He’d always known Kieren was important. But first and foremost Kieren is important to him. It’s probably been so long since Simon’s felt any sort of devotion to anybody besides drugs and the undead prophet he didn’t realize it at first. It’s not the cold needy fervor he had for drugs or the blind obligation he had for the religious group that took him in when even his own family didn’t want him. It’s warm and solid and all for this boy in front of him.
Here, in this scene, is where I see Simon beginning to separate his feelings for Kieren from his religious beliefs. “You’re incredible.” You’re essential. You’re important. To. Me.