idek what this is

Jason once made the mistake of telling Damian that he ‘didn’t trust him any further than he could throw him.’

Damian was heartbroken.

Jason was suddenly snapped back from offhanded snark and was awkwardly repentant.

However…it’s Damian. Once you make a slip like that, it sticks. So, to prove to Damian that he did actually trust him, Jason’s only logical recompense was clearly to throw the kid as hard and as far as he could. He tried to select a soft enough surface to prevent permanent damage.

Explaining the sprained wrist to Alfred was not fun. And claiming it was ‘family bonding to help prove and internalize Damian’s worth and self-esteem’ didn’t help much, either.

@thunderboltsortofapenny said: No no let’s do this! Why would steve need to be fake married. Or why would bucky need to be fake married to Steve. We need a reason. #Viper do the thing #It’ll be fun!

So I did the thing, and it’s stupid and terrible, but here, have it:


Bucky’s an EMT. Normal guy, just living his life, trying to help where he can. And then one day, all of a sudden, the aliens are invading NYC, and Bucky’s out there helping, right in the middle of the danger zone because of course he is.

There’s a fight going on, and a bunch of freaks in weird suits seem to be fighting the aliens, but Bucky doesn’t have much time to focus on anything other than all the people in dire need of medical attention. He does what he can to help, grabs the first metal bar he can find and fights only the aliens getting in his way, and works himself to exhaustion. Then there’s a blast, and it sends a man flying right into the wall next to him.

“Hey, you okay?” Bucky asks, rushing to help him, and though Bucky could’ve sworn the blow was hard enough to crush anyone’s ribs, he’s surprised to see the man–who must’ve been on his way to a costume party–stand up practically unscathed.

He’s got broad shoulders and a strong jaw and eyes of the prettiest shade of blue Bucky’s ever seen, and even with his face covered in soot and grime and blood, Bucky’s heart skips a beat.

For a few seconds the man seems a bit disoriented, then he finally registers Bucky’s presence. “What are you doing here?? Get out of the streets!”

“I was–” Bucky starts, and is cut off by an explosion right above their heads and a bunch of debris raining down on them, and a hand shoving him aside.

When he comes to, which is a surprise in itself, the dust has started to clear, and the man who’s clearly saved his life is carrying him as if he weighed nothing, concern in those beautiful eyes and a big, warm hand pressed tenderly against Bucky’s neck, checking for a pulse.

He locks eyes with Bucky and sighs in relief, the hint of a smile on his plush lips, but the hand remains where it is. “Hi,” he says. “You all right?”

“Y-yeah… Thank you,” Bucky replies, but he doesn’t move to free himself of the man’s arms. His stomach is doing something weird, and the man surely has other people to rescue, but for a few seconds they both just stay there, shell-shocked and staring at each other like the world around them has stopped.

Then something blows up nearby, and the spell is broken.

Carefully, the man helps him to his feet, makes sure Bucky’s in one piece, and then says, “Find shelter, okay? Stay inside.”

Bucky’s not planning to, but he can’t find it in him to tell that to this incredible man, so he slowly licks his lips and nods. Before turning around to leave, the man offers him a small, shy smile.

- - - - -

During the next few weeks after the Chitauri attack on NYC, every single piece of footage of the Avengers fighting against the aliens and helping civilians goes viral. Phone videos, security cameras, blurry pics.

The most popular, by far, is a snapshot of Captain America carrying a guy, who can be seen fighting aliens and helping people in other videos, bridal style, thumb caressing his jaw, and both looking like lovestruck teenagers.

Bucky can’t go to the grocery store or even do his job without being stalked by the paparazzi or Cap’s groupies or just random people wanting to know what his Avenger name is, and for how long he’s been dating Captain America.

- - - - -

“You’ve ruined my life!!” Bucky tells him, because of course, of course Captain America would pick Bucky’s park for his morning run. Of course Bucky’d slip on wet leaves on the pavement precisely this morning, and of fucking course Captain America would just happen to be around to catch him at just the right time. Bucky’s seeing red.

“I’m sorry,” Captain America says, and it’s extremely unfair just how genuine and how much like a kicked puppy he looks.

Christ, Bucky wants to punch him.

- - - - -

Steve’s been living in PR hell.

He’s spent the past weeks “saving” girls and boys alike from getting hit by a bicycle, or fainting, or a fuckton of equally stupid shit.

The second anyone spots Captain America, there’ll suddenly be some kind of dangerous situation going down, and someone hoping Cap will carry them bridal style to safety and maybe fall head over heels in love with them in the process.

Steve is tired and done and ready to get back in the ice for another few decades, and shares Pepper’s worries that someone might actually put themself in real danger soon.

“We should handle this before it gets worse,” Nat says. And Steve agrees, of course, but he just doesn’t know how.

“Just marry the guy,” Clint suggests.

Steve almost chokes to death on his own spit.

“WHAT?”

Clint shrugs. “Why not? Half the world already thinks you’re dating…”

“Clint, he hates me…”

“Only cause people keep pestering him about this. If you two get married it’ll be a circus, but then it’ll blow over. He can’t even do his job right now, right? So you pay the guy for the trouble, yadda yadda, then when this is over you two get a quick divorce, and that’s it. Problem solved.”

For two minutes, no one else opens their mouth. Then:

“He’s got a point…”

“Tony, no,” Steve whines.

“You saw the footage, how he was helping those civilians… If you have to marry someone, he’s not a bad candidate,” Nat says, and then smirks. “Plus, he’s cute.”

Steve already knows he’s lost this battle, but that doesn’t help him feel any better about this. Yes, he’s cute. Yes, he’s a brave and kind and smart guy. Yes, Steve could very easily pretend to be married to him for a while and yes it’d help them both. None of that’s the problem.

The problem is that he kind of really likes the guy.

The problem is that the guy hates him.

This is a really, really bad idea.

  • Harry: Oh Ginny, can we name him James Sirius Potter?
  • Ginny: *smiles kindly with a tear in her eye* Of course, love.
  • *one year or so later*
  • Harry: Ginny *puppy dog eyes* I want to honour two good men by naming him Albus Severus Potter.
  • Ginny: Um, well........ Okay?
  • *couple more years*
  • Ginny: I was thinking—
  • Harry: Lily Luna Potter, after my mum, Merlin bless her soul.
  • Ginny:
  • Ginny: You win this time, Potter.
  • *after an appropriate time period*
  • Harry: Oh, Ginny, I was thinking—
  • Ginny: Nymphadora Molly Potter.
  • Harry: Are you sure—
  • Ginny: Nymphadora. Molly. Potter.
  • *next time*
  • Ginny:
  • Harry:
  • Ginny:
  • Ginny: *opens mouth*
  • Harry: REMUS FRED POTTER!!!!!
  • *twenty years later, the Potter's are sitting around their dinner table and the youngest weaves through his various sibling to come before his father*
  • Harry: What is it, child?
  • Fawkes Sorting-Hat Potter: Why, Dad? Why?
  • Harry: That was a brave hat, Fawkes, you should be proud.
  • Ginny: *in the background* Hufflepuff! You leave Horcrux and Aberforth alone!

James: never sleeps past 7. never writes anything down. never wears matching socks. never interrupts you. never closes his curtains. never misses a pun. never forgets a birthday. never puts milk in his tea. never turned 22. // always puts sugar in his coffee. always supporting his friends. always dramatic. always laughing. always sneezing. always playing with a snitch. always thinking about Lily. always full of love. always watching over harry.

Lily: never awake before 7. never on time. never without a quill. never forgets a name. never leaves a dirty cup in the sink. never without a snarky quip. never puts sugar in her coffee. never got to see her son grow up. // always tripping over. always gets mint choc chip ice cream. always napping. always braiding her hair. always humming. always loosing her train of thought. always hugging people. always holding someone’s hand. always protecting her family.

Eddie has always strived for perfection. Perfect grades, perfect appearance, perfect health, perfect everything. Organized and color coded folders, crisply folded shirts, neatly combed hair, soft freckle free skin, the works.

And then he meets Richie.

Richie, with his wild untamed hair, his loud patterned shirts paired with wrinkled cargo shorts, his chaotic explosive personality, his fiery comebacks, and his freckles like constellations scattering all over his face. Everything Eddie thought he hated and couldn’t be all wrapped up in a human being so perfectly imperfect.

They are polar opposites from each other, but they compliment each other in ways they never thought possible. Trashmouth and Eds, Richie and Eddie. Losers from the beginning, lovers until the end.