idek what i'm doing with my life anymore

Your daily dose of crack

There’s a sloth, reaching out for an ice cream cone. The sloth is be a part-time electrician who goes to night school to be a professional chef, specializing in french cousine with ghanian elements. He just doesn’t like flambé. The flames in your face destroy the suspense, he says. Suspense, something the sloth’s cousin, who is a professional crab, is familiar with. He works at the movie theatre. He’s actually a sloth too but he majored in being a crab. Doesn’t get you lots of jobs so he saw the chance of working at the movie theatre and was like “meh, i guess it’s okay”

Besides, the theatre is right next to the mall and he likes to go to the perfume shop there. He thinks he looks especially dapper in his reflection in the curvy perfume bottles. Just for that, he doesn’t care about the perfumes. He lost his scent loooong ago, when he was hanging out with his dad, who was a welder, and he dropped the flame-thrower and it hit the poor guy’s nose his nose never worked again *single perfect tear* One more detail though: the two sloths met this hobo once, a real bamf dragon with a cauliflower for a head (the war does unspeakable things to people) and gave him a penny. He used that penny to buy a lottery ticket and little do the sloths know he’s now the millionaire who lives in the castle up the hill. They’re going there next week to ask for money to buy a chocolate cake for one of them’s birthday, will they recognize him?

And more important: Will the dragon recognize the sloths who changed his life?


ᴀs ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ sᴇᴇ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ʙʟᴏɢ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ɪs ɪɴ ᴀ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀғᴜʟ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʟ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇ. ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴇs ɪ ᴄᴀɴ sᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘɪɴᴋ ɴɪᴄᴏʟᴇᴛᴛᴇ. ʙᴜᴛ ɪᴛ·s sᴏ ᴋᴀᴡᴀɪɪ ᴏᴋᴀʏ﹣

ᴛʜɪs ʙʟᴏɢ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴄᴏɴsɪsᴛs ᴏғ; 

  • ✫ғʟᴜғғʏ﹐ sᴏғᴛ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴄᴜᴛᴇ 
  • ✫ ʙᴀʙʏ ᴀɴɪᴍᴀʟs ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ 
  • ✫ ᴏᴜᴛғɪᴛs ɪ ᴡɪsʜ ɪ ʜᴀᴅ 
  • ✫ ᴍᴏᴇ ᴍᴏᴇ ᴍᴀɴɢᴀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴɪᴍᴇ 
  • ✫ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʟ ɢɪғs 
  • ✫ sᴀɪʟᴏʀ ᴍᴏᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴀɢɪᴄᴀʟ ɢɪʀʟs
  • ✫ ᴛᴏɴs ᴏғ sᴡᴇᴇᴛs 
  • ✫ ᴀɴᴅ ғʟᴜғғʏ ғᴀɴғɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴs

sᴏ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ·ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴄᴜᴛᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ﹡sϙᴜɪɴᴛs﹡ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ - ^ -