idek that girl's name

Unnamed Rilaya Ficlet

When Riley thinks of Maya she thinks of summer days at the park on the swings trying to swing the highest and late nights watching movies and talking about things they couldn’t say to anyone else, when Riley thinks of Maya she thinks of that warm feeling she gets inside of her when Maya laughs at a joke she made and how good it feels to hold Maya’s hand, when Riley thinks of Maya she thinks of happiness and feeling free.

Riley assumed this was how you felt about all your friends until first grade when she met Farkle Minkus. She loves Farkle but it wasn’t the same as Maya and she could never figure out why -or maybe she knew but just couldn’t admit it.

She could never admit it to herself but she doesn’t even know what it is, but now she’s on her first date with this really nice boy who looks at her like she’s everything he wants and Riley knows she doesn’t look at him in the same way.

And maybe it isn’t the right time to let her mind think these things but for the first time she’s letting herself think about the way Maya looks when she just wakes up and the way she’s smarter than she realises and other things not about Maya, like how the love interest in movies always seems a little more interesting and how girl bands seem more talented than boy ones and how when a girl at school was called dyke and Riley flinched and spent all lunch helping her clean her locker. Riley thinks about these things while Lucas is talking about having their moment and oh god she thinks she could cry because here she is finally letting herself think about these things and this amazing, wonderful boy is talking about the two of them.

She realises that that Maya has gone to talk to Josh and she seems giggly but also Maya and when Josh leaves Lucas notices and tells her to go to Maya which is so nice (isn’t that what she like about him). Maya pushes her to him again and she sees a faint hurt in her face that Riley really doesn’t have the time think about as she’s telling Lucas how glad she is that he’s her first date and she is even though she doesn’t know what she’s feeling. It’s like she’s taking back what she let herself think but Lucas is nice and handsome and her friend and she’s liked him all year so that doesn’t stop being true so she kisses him and it feels so wrong that she might cry.

When Riley gets home her and Maya sit and talk for about five minutes (she tells Maya that her night was magical when really, she doesn’t know how it was) until Riley makes the excuse of needing to sleep and Maya goes home none the wiser to the war going on inside Riley’s head. She lies in bed for maybe half an hour willing her mind to stop and just fall asleep but when she realises that it probably won’t happen anytime soon she goes to the kitchen to get a glass of milk and comes back to make a list. Riley’s always liked lists, they help keep order and god knows does she need order at the moment. Riley starts to make a list but instantly she feels tired and only just makes it to bed before she collapses in a dreamless sleep.

Maya has been really good at not pressuring Riley but soon she starts to along with everyone at school everyone is all over he about Lucas, Riley can mostly ignore it but the worst is Maya who seems so genuinely happy for Riley. So, she goes for it, she blushes because she is embarrassed that they’re asking her about how she feels and she hold Lucas’ hand and wow she’s relieved when he also thinks it’s awkward but Riley can’t tell him that she’s pretty sure she’s the reason why it feels so stilted and wrong. It is nice talking to him, how she wishes that they weren’t a boy and girl so they could be friends without all the pressure because Riley thinks they would make excellent friends.

They agree to be just friends but Riley can feel his eyes on her and he looks at her like he wants more and Riley just can’t give him more. She almost tells Maya this but she doesn’t know what she would say so she keeps quiet.