idek i'm laughing

Reblog if you want an internet friend super badly. One who would remind you to write, let you rant, make stupid jokes with, be comfortable spamming, fangirl/boy with, and all around be there for you and make you smile.

4

Okay, what happened?

Early Wake Up Calls

A soft breeze swept in through the open window as chirping birds and a mildly warm sun beginning to rise signalled the start of a new day.
The slight rise and fall of the duvet being the only indication of the forms that lay tangled in a heap of limbs beneath.
Everything about the scene expressed a calm and relaxed environment before-
CRASH
‘Ouch! Fuck! Oi, Faceache, learn not to leave your fucking stupid keyboards all around the fucking hall!’
Followed by the sound of what could only be assumed to be said keyboard smashed against 2D’s bedroom door before Murdoc stormed off in a fury of heavy footfalls and varying curses.
The loud and unwelcome disruption only worked to ease one of the people in the bed out of their slumber, bleary eyes blinking open before slamming shut again at the blinding light of the sun shining in their face.
‘Ugh, Stu, this is another reason why I think it’s best we stay over at my place when we get together’ your voice was groggy and still laced with sleep as you tried a second time to pry your eyes open and keep them open with a little more force this time.
However, whether 2D had developed an incredible way of completely blocking Murdoc out in his sleep, or if his sleeping tablets were simply working a bit too well, the body beside, or rather completely on top of you, refused to awaken.
A sign escaped your parted lips after a few moments more of waiting to see if 2D would respond at all, which of course he didn’t as he continued to lightly whistle in your ear, something you’d discovered he done in his sleep due to his lack of front teeth.
You rolled your eyes with a huff and worked to decipher where his limbs ended and yours began so you’d be able to untangle yourself and get up to start the day. After a few moments you discovered your right hand was lodged underneath his left hip and your side, a bit of an awkward one to get out from but you could do it, he was basically dead to the world at the moment anyway, plus your left hand was free.
'Okay Stu, give me something to work with here’ you grumbled as you gripped his shoulder and started to gently shove him onto his side, he may be a lanky guy but damn was he heavier than he looked.
You only managed to slide him about an inch away from you before he mumbled something incoherent and shuffled himself even further on top of you, making you release his shoulder with a startled 'oof’ as he wrapped his arms tighter around you and buried his face into your neck, trapping both your arms in the process.
'Stu, please get up, I really need to pee’ you whined in his ear, trying to shuffle yourself around in an attempt to rouse him.
'Mmmm, just hold it’ a muffled reply came from the side of your neck making your eyes widen in realisation, the bugger was awake!
'2D, I’m really gonna need you to get your butt off of me, I literally can’t move’ you huffed, trying to pull yourself away, but another realisation washed over you, not only is he heavier than he looks, he’s stronger than he looks too.
'That don’t seem to be a problem to me’ he spoke, shuffling himself around while placing soft kisses on your neck, making you gasp out at the sensation.
'Stu, I promise you, I am so into where you’re going with this but I’m not joking, unless you let me go now I’m literally going to pee myself’ you whined, rocking your hips back into his which made him groan, but of course your reasons weren’t quite the same as his since you were genuinely trying to stop yourself from relieving yourself right there and then.
'You’ve got to be mad if you think I’m gonna let you get away from me now’ he finally raised his face from your neck, grinning down at you before bending his neck and catching your lips with his.
'Stu’ you almost sobbed between kisses as he slipped his hands under your t-shirt to rest on your hips as he grinded himself against you.
He finally moved himself up to straddle you, releasing your hands to allow you to bury them in his hair at the nape of his neck as you returned the kiss feverishly.
His hands had just began their journey upwards, dragging your top up in the process before he found the moment suddenly over as his back collided with the hardwood of his bedroom floor.
He could only lay there and wonder what the hell had happened as you suddenly jumped over him and ran into the bathroom attached to his room chanting 'I’m so sorry babe but I gotta pee, oh god I really gotta pee’ before the door slammed shut and he was left on the floor staring at the ceiling contemplating if there was a better way to initiate morning sex than this.

Roller Derby Names That Should Be Used
  • Pain Austen
  • Janet Snakehole
  • Scrape-ril Ludgate
  • Opalescent Tree Shark
  • Michelle Crowbar-ma
  • Peggy Martyr
  • Artillery Clinton
  • Tina Slay
  • Amy Poleaxe
  • Prickly Minaj
  • Captain Scarvel
  • Mariah Scary
  • Hate Middleton
  • Ghastly Knope/Grisly Knope/Deadly Knope
  • Beyonce
鈴木達央;前野智昭

Maeno: Are you ready? Then, let’s start! What would Suzuki-kun say to his girlfriend, who’s nervous when they do their “first time”… then, three, two, one!

Suzuki:Ah, don’t worry, I’ll wear a condom!

Maeno: That’s going to be interesting, but wait! Wait! Let’s ask for the staff’s votes!

Suzuki: Okay, okay! Vote yes for me! All of those people who agree with me, raise you hands! 

Maeno: Would anyone agree??

Suzuki: And those who disagree!? Oi, all of them are raising their hands! 

Maeno: It’s voted down!

Suzuki: Seriously!?!? But isn’t that just normal!? Doing it for the first time, you can get really nervous, right!? Isn’t what I said a really reassurring thing to say?! 

Maeno: But I don’t think it’ll be ‘that’ kind of nervous?!

Suzuki: Let me just say this, I really would say that! 

Maeno: But just thi–

Suzuki: WHY?! WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT!? AREN’T I PROMOTING SAFE SEX!?!?

Maeno: But wouldn’t you get on trouble with your agency with this?!

Suzuki: Eh– ?!

SUZUKI TATSUHISA MAN, WHY?

/dead over Maeno’s laughing…

Roses are red

You can dye flowers teal

i’m in the hospital because my dad is having surgery and i’ll be here alllllllll day so prepare for a hospital headcanon! (i’m sort of nervous and jittery rn so please excuse that this isn’t my best writing. it sort of falls apart at the end but it’S FINE)

So Neil has to get bloodwork and some shots for an Exy related reason and Andrew goes with him.
- They get there before the ass crack of dawn and have to wait an hour and a half, so by the time Neil gets called back they’re both tired and agitated
- The waiting room is entirely maternity ward patients and then there’s smol angsty Andrew, sitting in the corner and looking like an expectant mom’s rebellious teen
- one nice, very pregnant lady sits down next to him and Andrew is sort of worried that she might pop at any minute
- she mistakes his side-eyes and tense shoulders (no fucking way is he going to help deliver a child today, nu huh andrew you’re in a hospital there are doctors for that) as nerves so she starts talking to him
- she assumes that Andrew is there waiting for his pregnant wife and Andrew doesn’t correct her 
-She introduces herself as Linda, asks him questions about how they met and how long they’ve been together and is it their first child
- Andrew - reclusive, anti-social, anti-people Andrew - talks back to this woman and MAKES UP AN ENTIRE LIFE STORY

-  He and his wife Renee were high school sweet hearts. They were from different sides of the tracks and their parents didn’t support their relationship so they had to keep it a secret. There were sneaky meeting spots and codes for meeting times, and a few of their teachers knew about the romance and let the two of them spend time in empty classrooms so that their parents wouldn’t find out. Invariably, her father did find out one day, and beat Andrew so bad that he was in the hospital for two weeks - Renee visited him everyday and snuck in to sleep with him at night when the nurse’s were changing shifts.
- At this point Linda is clutching her chest and being really attentive and Andrew knows he’s got her hooked in
- He details all of the sneaky shenanigans that ensued, and some of the situations may or may not be scenes that he half-remembers from the terrible movies that Nicky makes him watch. They ran off together after graduation and got married at a park in some small town (a small and intimate ceremony, just them and a few friends. they stood under japanese cherry blossom trees and he cried when they said I do.). Now they live in a small one bedroom apartment together and it’s a struggle for them to get by, but when they found out that they were expecting it was the happiest day of their lives.
- If the foxes could see him right now they literally wouldn’t even recognize him, he’s smiling and gesturing with his hands and looking wistfully off into the distance
- Linda rubs her belly and looks at him affectionately, thinking how lucky this Renee must be 

- Twenty minutes later Neil is released into the waiting room, looking relieved to see Andrew and making a bee-line for him, not sparing Linda a glance
- He tries to tug his bright orange hoodie out of Andrew’s hands but Andrew doesn’t let go, just looks up at him and lets his face fall into an expression of surprise
- Neil, who hates hospitals and just wants to leave, tugs again at his hoodie and says “Babe, let’s go.”
- Andrew looks at Linda with wide eyes, hamming it up, then back at Neil and says “what are you doing here”
- Neil is hungry and tired and in no mood for this
- “Andrew, I want to go home so I can sleep in our bed one last time before I get relegated to shitty hotels beds and couches.”
- They’re about to start their olympic tour with the Court, which will have them traveling around the world for the next two months. Linda, of course, hears hotels and sees a male that is definitely not Renee calling Andrew babe and makes other assumptions and is so s/c/a/n/d/e/l/i/z/e/d
- Andrew takes a moment to look like he’s deliberating on whether or not he should go with Neil, then touches Linda’s hand (Neil is very ????) and says “when Renee comes out looking for me, will you tell her that i’m sorry?”
- He stands up and puts his hands tenderly on either side of Neil’s face, looks into his eyes and asks, quietly enough that Linda can’t hear “yes or no?”

- Neil just really really wants to go home, and hopes that if he goes along with it it’ll get them there faster, so he nods slightly and let’s Andrew plant the wettest and most dramatic kiss of his life on him
- Linda is staring at them, mouth gaping (Neil is slightly worried that this woman that was sitting next to Andrew might go into labor before they’re able to leave)
- the waiting room gets quiet as people watch this sudden and honestly a little graphic display
- Neil has no idea what the hell is going on (getting kissed means he’s not exactly mad about it but definitely just incredibly confused)
- Andrew finally pulls back and they’re both sort of breathing heavily and Neil is flushed and startled enough that he goes limp and lets Andrew lace their fingers together and pull him hastily away from the hundred pregnant ladies
- this is better than daytime television for them
- When they get into the hallway Andrew drops the act and goes back to his normal, straight faced and unenthusiastic self
- he tries to drop Neil’s hand but Neil doesn’t let him, and no matter how much he needles Andrew doesn’t explain what that was all about
____________________________________________________________________

- The next time everyone is together Andrew calls Renee “sweetheart”
- Neil’s face looks so dumb afterwards that Andrew laughs to himself for an hour and keeps calling Renee pet names for the rest of the day