iceberg salad

The Worrying, by Paul Monette

Paul Monette’s husband, Roger Horowitz died of AIDS related complications in in 1985. Monette died of AIDS related complications in 1995. 

ate me alive day and night these land mines
all over like the toy bombs dropped on the
Afghans little Bozo jack-in-the-boxes
that blow your hands off 3 A.M. I’d go
around the house with a rag of ammonia
wiping wiping crazed as a housewife on Let’s 
Make a Deal the deal being PLEASE DON’T MAKE
HIM SICK AGAIN faucets doorknobs the phone
every lethal thing a person grips and leaves
his prints on scrubbed my hands till my fingers
cracked washed apples ten times ten no salad but 
iceberg and shuck the outer two thirds someone
we knew was brain dead from sushi so stick
to meatloaf creamed corn spuds whatever we
could cook to death DO NOT USE THE D WORD 
EVEN IN JEST when you started craving deli
I heaved a sigh because salami was so de-
germed with its lovely nitrates to hell with
cholesterol that’t for people way way over
the hill or up the hill not us in the vale 
of borrowed time yet I was so far more gone
than you nuts in fact ruinous as a supermom
with a kid in a bubble who can’t play and ten 
years later can’t work can’t kiss can’t laugh
but his room’s still clean every cough every
bump would nothing ever be nothing again
cramming you with zinc and Haagen-Dasz so wild
to fatten you up I couldn’t keep track of 
what medicine what old wives’ but see
THERE WAS NO MEDICINE only me and to
circle the wagons and the island the last of our
magic spoon by spoon nap by nap till we
healed you as April heals drinking the sun
I was Prospero of the spell of day-by-day 
and all of this just the house worry peanuts
to what’s out there and you with the dagger at
your jugular struggling back to work jotting
your calendar two months ahead penciling
clients husbanding husbanding inching back
and me agape with the day’s demises who
was swollen who gone mad ringing you on
the hour how are you compared to ten noon
one come home and have blintzes petrified 
you’d step in an elevator with some hacking
CPA the whole world ought to be masked
please I can’t even speak of the hospital  fear
fists bone white the first day of an assault
huddled by your bed like an old crone empty-
eyed in a Greek square black on black the waiting 
for tests the chamber of horrors in my head
my rags and vitamins dumb as leeches how did
the meningitis get in where did I slip up
what didn’t I scour I’d have swathed the city 
in gauze to cushion you no man who hasn’t 
watched his cruelest worry come true in a room
with no door can ever know what doesn’t 
die because they lie who say it’s over
Rog it hasn’t stopped at all are you okay
does it hurt what can I do still still I 
think if I worry enough I’ll keep you near 
the night before Thanksgiving I had this 
panic to buy the plot on either side of us
so we won’t be cramped that yard of extra grass 
would let us breathe THIS IS CRAZY RIGHT but
Thanksgiving morning I went the grave two over 
beside you was six feet deep ready for the next 
murdered dream so see the thread was real
why not worry worry is like the prayer uis like
God if you have none they all forget there’s 
the other side too twelve years and not once 
to fret WHO WILL EVER LOVE ME that was
the heaven at the back of time but we had it 
here now black on black I wander frantic
never done with worrying but it’s mine it’s 
a cure that’s not in the books are you easy
my stolen pal what do you need is it
sleep like sleep you want a pillow a cool 
drink oh my one safe place there must be 
something just say what it is and it’s yours

I’ll Show You Anti-Pasta You Mooch

Prompt: #7. David Rossi burning down an Olive Garden to spread his Italian agenda. from @ilikepipecleanerswitheyes Crack Fic Challenge

Rossi was up for anything when it came to gathering with his friends and teammates.

Anything. But. This.

They had caught the unsub, saved a victim even. So why was it the only place open in this PO-dunk town was a God-forsaken joke? Were the kids trying to mess with him? Was he being Punk’d?

He pulled up in the SUV with Reid and JJ. “Guys? Do we really have to eat here? I mean, its rather insulting isnt it?”

Reid and JJ shared a knowing look, Uncle Rossi was very disappointed. “Garcia says this is the only place that is still serving food. Unless you want to try the Ihop by the interstate?” JJ suggested, sarcasm dripping.

He looked her in the eye, “Do I look like I have a death wish? What is with the back country, don’t they know what food is?”

“Statistically speaking blue collar families are eating out more due to time constraints. However I am sure this establishment may be a splurge for the families in the surrounding communities that have only a $39,000 median household income.” Spencer explained.

“Poor and poor taste, great.” Rossi finally opened his door, ignoring the giggles from the Sweet Valley High twins.

The cheap plaster and overly zealous hostess had Rossi biting his tongue. He let JJ deal with the seating, she was used to negotiating with terrorists. Luckily, Hotch, Morgan and Prentiss were already at a circular table in the back. Dave followed the younger agents and took the last seat available. He had his back to the wait-station and tried to focus on enjoying the time spent off the clock.

It didn’t go well.

Emily had to drop her accent when she ordered because the tween couldn’t understand her. “Sorry, doll, we don’t usually get foreigners here.”

The bread sticks were salty as the Dead Sea.

The “salad” was iceberg lettuce drenched in oil and disaster.

Then Dr. Giggles had to get freaking cheese on everything. Not only did Dave have to suffer here, his Italian heart shrinking in shame with each passing moment, but he would have to suffer on the jet home dealing with the kid.

Rossi ordered another bottle of their insult to wine, keeping it solely for himself. If he had to be here, he wasn’t going to do it sober. Hotch was eyeing his most experienced agent, usually Rossi wasn’t one to let emotion show. But the neon signs were loud and clear tonight: Dave Rossi = Pissed.

Rossi prodded his entree in suspicion. He cut into the Chicken Marsala. As he slid it into his mouth it was cold. He tossed his fork back down in disgust. “I’ll be a minute. Just need to cleanse my pallet…”

The team grew quiet for a full minute, then returned to their meals. No one else was disappointed with the food, they were just happy to have nourishment after a grueling day. Hotch began to check his watch as Rossi had been gone more than ten minutes. “Morgan? Why don’t you go see what happened to Rossi?”

Derek left the table at a lazy pace. The team was still having fun, but it was getting awkward without Zio Dave there. Morgan found Rossi outside under a decorative tree in the parking lot. Smoking a stogie. He laughed when he saw the younger agent, wrapping him in an exuberant hug. Derek laughed off the drunken ramblings of his mentor.

“I’m fine out here, Morgan. Just take care of the bill?” Rossi said, slipping Morgan a wad of cash. “Atta boy.” Patting the bulky agent on the back. “Oh, Morgan? Please don’t give that moron of a server more than 15%, capisce?”

Derek shook his head and laughed his way back inside the restaurant. The team was getting their take home containers filled when Derek returned. “Rossi’s good, a little drunk maybe. He is smoking a cigar while he waits for us.” Hotch nodded, slightly less apprehensive about the veteran agent.

Morgan tipped 20% because it wasn’t his money. Everyone loaded back into the waiting SUVs. JJ decided it was best she drove back to the hotel. As they idled in the parking lot, Rossi looked down at the fuel gauge over JJ’s shoulder. “Looks like we’ll have to stop for gas JJ.”

“What? Didn’t we fill up this morning?” Reid was flummoxed.

JJ slid from the parking space as David Rossi flicked the end of his cigar out of the back window of the dark federal issued vehicle. It hit a puddle of gasoline which instantly ignited. The snaking trail of fuel wrapped around the parking lot into the dumpsters, where the discarded cooking grease and  a strategically placed gas can exploded.

“Good riddance, you imposters!” Rossi called from the backseat. His laughter was maniacal.

JJ floored the gas pedal, peeling away into the night.

Mexican Style Salad bowl.

This recipe serves 2.

300g of chicken breast.
1 tsp smoked paprika.
1 tsp ground cumin.
½ tsp powdered garlic.
1 T olive oil.

Mix the spices and olive oil together and rub onto the chicken breast. Allow to marinate in the refrigerator overnight or a couple of hours will work too.


3 iceberg lettuce leaves, chopped roughly.
Handful of spinach leaves chopped.
1 cucumber diced.
¼ capsicum diced.
8 cherry tomatoes quartered.
¼ red onion finely chopped.
1T fresh chopped coriander.
2/3C of cooked brown rice.
125g can of corn kernels.
½ avocado sliced.

For the dressing.

¼ C lime juice.
1tsp of extra virgin olive oil
Half a green chilli deseeded and finely chopped.
Pinch of salt.

Place salad ingredients into a large bowl.

Cook the chicken in a non stick frying pan over a medium heat.
A few minutes each side until cooked through. Allow to rest.

Mix the dressing ingredients together in a glass jug.

Slice and place the chicken on top of the salad. Drizzle with dressing.

I served our salads with a slice of Lebanese flat bread that I cut into wedges, sprayed lightly with olive oil and sprinkled with all purpose seasoning before placing onto an oven tray and cooked at 180 degrees Celsius in a preheated oven for about 5 minutes until crisp.


Food Journal Day 174, for the 29th of August 2017! These noms were:

Breakfast: Banana, apple, blackberry, ginger, carrot & raisin porridge with nuts (almonds, walnuts, hazelnuts, cashews & pistachios), seeds (linseeds, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds & chia seeds), powdered banana, blueberry & cranberry.

Lunch: Leftover kidney bean chilli, vegan spaghetti bolognese, spiced rice, vegan jambalaya rice, corn on the cob, pasta with pesto, roast broccoli, pickled chillies, pickled mushrooms, salad (lambs lettuce, beetroot, red chard & ruby red chard) and a sourdough bread roll.

Dinner: Cauliflower steaks with sesame dressing, courgettes in tomato sauce, baba ganoush, rice and salad (iceberg lettuce & cucumber).

Supper: Diced frozen strawberries with blackberries, pumpkin seeds and crushed nuts (cashews, almonds, walnuts, pistachios & hazelnuts). This was a bit of a rush job because I wanted to watch something on tv that clashed with my prep time, and while nice, wasn’t as nice as it would have been if I’d had half an hour to make it presentable (also I should probably have blitzed it, but oh well) :P


If Wolverine was pulling his punches during his first fight with Lady Deathstrike, he certainly isn’t here. He fucking shreds her like an iceberg lettuce salad. With blue cheese. I don’t know what that means. Anyway, this fight makes that issue of Alpha Flight seem like an episode of the Hair Bear Bunch, and it just goes to show you how many light years ahead of almost everything else Uncanny X-Men was at the time. No wonder it got so damn popular. This is completely unrestrained storytelling right here. No joke, I spontaneously started bleeding when I was reading this. (Uncanny X-Men #205 – May 1986)

Too Hot To Handle: Chapter Thirteen

So I kinda wrote a different kind of fanfiction. It’s nothing as in depth as my other fics so I am going to post it here. ENJOY!!

  ***Actor, Real Person Fanfiction, Walking Dead RPF***

Featuring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan X Original Female Character, Norman Reedus and others.. (FYI this is total fiction, as in I know nothing about JDMs life or that of his real SO and son etc. Because of this, for this work of fiction, they don’t exist. Jeffrey’s been a typical actor playboy dating fellow stars etc. This is written for sick daydreaming pleasure.)

Aria St. James is a busy woman with a thriving restaurant. She thought she had everything she needed until a few famous faces visit her dining room. A tall, dark and handsome actor decides Aria’s just what he’s been looking for.

Rating: Mature

They were driving over to Norman’s place for a small dinner with a few other of Jeffrey’s friends. Aria chewed her lip as they pulled up to the large home surrounded by land.
“No reason to be nervous.” Jeffrey rasped, his lip quirked to the side.
Rolling her eyes, she pled ignorance. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Right and that gnawed lip and bouncing knee is because you’re excited right?”
“Fine. I’m nervous alright. Happy?”
“No, I’m not happy you’re stressed out. It’s just dinner with Norman. You met him already. Then there’s his assistant and Steven and his wife. Maybe a couple others. Nothing too crazy.”
“Yeah I just… I’m not from this crowd Jeff.” She sighed, her eyes narrowing as she tried to say what she was feeling. “I don’t know how to talk to people like that?”
“You talk like you always fucking talk. You don’t have a problem talking to me.”
“You’re different.”
“You know what they say about assuaging your nerves in front of groups of people, well, I can picture you naked far easier than them.”
Barking out laugh, he replied, “I’d prefer if you didn’t picture Norman naked thank you very fucking much.”

Keep reading


Happy morning! ☺️☺️☺️

Green smoothie - water, almond milk, fresh pineapple, 1 fresh pear, one fresh orange, a huge handful of spinach, one banana and a big nob of ginger.

Salad - iceberg, spinach, tomatoes, cucumber, a hard boiled egg, avocado, cress, spring onion, British garden peas, seeds, Cous Cous & vegan baked falafel (carrot and chickpea). Oh and a dollop of natural yoghurt with curry powder and lemon juice stirred in ☺️🙏🌻

Now it’s hearing up here!
I know this is not the case back home though! Keeping it simple and light on such a warm sunny day here in Vienna where I’m currently living!
Nice big salad with iceberg lettuce, cooked mushrooms and sunflower seeds, diced tomato, lactose free cheese (best!) and avocado!
And of course me favorite dressing!
Balsamico, linseed oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper!
Great light dinner on a summers night! The Aussies out there may have to hold onto this one for a few more months ;)

Grilled Lettuce Stuffed with a Blue Cheese Potato Salad and Topped with Bacon-y Bits.
Submitted to MasterChef by jerryjamesstone

BBQs aren’t just for meat lovers. As a 24-year-long vegetarian, I am always looking for fun ways to bring veggie cooking to the grill. And this grilled iceberg salad is the perfect way to show off almost any salad of your choice, but I highly recommend my Blue Cheese Potato Salad. Tangy and creamy and topped off with Bacon-y Bits that are vegan. Summer just got better.

1 pound russet potatoes
1 clove garlic, minced
½ red onion, small dice
½ cup sour cream
¼ cup mayo
2 teaspoons horseradish
½ teaspoon balsamic dressing
2 ounces blue cheese
3 ribs of celery, sliced
1 2-inch dill pickle, minced
1 tablespoon parsley, chopped
1 iceberg lettuce, halved
¼ teaspoon sea salt
Cracked black pepper
Olive oil

1. Cut the russet potatoes into 1-inch cubes. Then, in a large mixing bowl, toss the potatoes with just enough olive oil to coat, and 1 clove of minced garlic plus a pinch of salt. Lay potatoes out on a lined baking sheet and roast them for 30 minutes at 450 degrees F, or until tender.

2. Let’s make some Bacon-y Bits. I call them “bacon-y” because they are made from onions and provide a similar role. They add a crunch and saltiness to any meal. And they’re vegan! So, in a small fry pan, warm about a tablespoon of olive oil over a medium heat. Add in half of the minced red onions, and cook until browned and crispy. Towards the end of cooking, toss with a pinch of salt.

3. Whisk together ½ cup sour cream, ¼ cup mayo, 2 teaspoons prepared horseradish, ½ teaspoon balsamic dressing, ¼ teaspoon sea salt, and pepper to taste. Crumble in 2 ounces of blue cheese and fold into mixture.

4. When potatoes are done cooking, remove and let cool. Combine with celery and remaining red onion. Combine potato mix and blue cheese sauce. Fold in the dill pickle and parsley. Set in the fridge to cool.

5. Half the iceberg lettuce and pull out enough of the middle area to form a small cup. Grill it cut-side down for about 30 seconds, until grill marks form.

6. Divide the potato salad between the lettuce bowls and top them with the bacon-y bits.