ice cream cone guy

10 Sure Fire Ways To Keep Your Girl

1.) Tell her she’s beautiful every 37.2 seconds.
2.) Scream violently that her butt looks nice anytime you see it no matter where you are.
3.) Bring her chocy milk to bed.
4.) Lick that vagine like a melting ice cream cone my guy.
5.) Rub her feet after she comes home from a long day of being a corporate slave.
6.) Bring her a bouquet of dank.
7.) Unhook her bra for her after a long day. (The Ultimate Panty Dropper)
8.) Buy her cool panties when her period ruins her favorite ones.
9.) LAY IT DOWN FAM. LAY IT THE FUCK DOWN. DRAG HER SOUL TO THE DEPTHS OF THE EARTH….and then watch her ascend into heaven after you’re finished.
10.) Feed her.


It was hot at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C., this weekend. Really hot. The iPhone weather app displayed a sweltering 100 degrees.

“It feels like a million degrees,” says Tammy Long, who was visiting from Pennsylvania with her husband and 2-year-old daughter. “It’s sweltering out here.”

Families camp out in the shade, many with ice cream in their hands. Craig Saffoe says this works for the lions and tigers, too.

“We would eat an ice cream cone to try to cool our body down,” says Saffoe. “We give these guys a big cat version of an ice cream cone. It’s literally a block of blood, frozen, and they’ll munch that down.”

How Does A Tiger Keep Cool In This Heat? One Word: Bloodsicles

Photos: Courtesy of Smithsonian’s National Zoo

The signs as weird things kids in my high school have done

Aries: snuck out of the school and brought back pizza for the entire class 20 minutes later

Taurus: masturbated in math class while glancing around the room nervously

Gemini: threw fettuccine Alfredo out the bus window until it got stuck to a passing by cars windshield

Cancer: licked the chalkboard

Leo: pierced his nose in class, then asked the teacher if he could go to the bathroom to clean up the blood

Virgo: accidentally drew a penis on the chalkboard (this was actually a teacher)

Libra: got suspended for stealing an ice cream cone from the cafeteria

Scorpio: convinced the principal that this guy he hated was the leader of a violent gang and got him suspended

Sagittarius: made a fake Instagram account pretending to be Keaton Stromberg from emblem three and tried to get girls numbers

Capricorn: cursed out the Spanish teacher in fluent Spanish

Aquarius: ran across the football field completely naked during a game until the players tackled him

Pisces: cried because she got an A but wanted an A+

The Signs as characters from that one episode of Spongebob where he broke his ass and got scared of the outside world
  • Aries: Angry and sketchy undersea Gorilla
  • Taurus: Spongebob
  • Gemini: Spongebob but torn in half
  • Cancer: Patrick
  • Leo: Penny
  • Virgo: That one really intense looking guy waiting in line to spank people
  • Libra: Chip
  • Scorpio: Used napkin
  • Sagittarius: Sandy
  • Capricorn: Undersea Zebra that's clearly two people in a zebra suit
  • Aquarius: That old guy Patrick was washing
  • Pieces: Two melted ice cream cones
Dating Jungkook

* Dating him
* More like babysitting
* Haha no
* He’s such a cute boyfriend
* He can be really shy
* Especially at the beginning of your relationship
* So he hesitates to hold your hand
* But he talks himself into it
* And then you’re holding hands
* He’s just like woaH
* I’m holding their hand
* You usually have to initiate skinship
* He lOVES to sing you to sleep
* It’s not like you’re complaining
* I mean his voice is a+++
* He takes you everywhERE
* But he has to be careful when he takes you anywhere serious
* You guys together can’t take anything seriously
* There’s no point in even trying
* Fun dates like at a carnival or something
* You guys probably share an ice cream cone
* And he tried to win you every plushy he sees you show interest in
* Failure
* And loss of tons of money
* But he still keeps trying
* You have to make him stop
* Later on in your relationship you definitely adopt a dog
* And he’s like your baby
* Because jungkook and dogs
* You also probably travel a lot together
* Explore new places
* Your relationship is so much fun
* I’m jealous

The signs as things my friends and I have done

Stapled an oversized glove to my hand :  Gemini 

Staples my own thumb: Gemini 

 Hit my house cleaner on the back with a stick bec she was stealing from us (at the age of 6):Taurus/Virgo/Libra 

Put fake blood all over a classroom after school hours to freak the entire school out: Sagittarius/Capricorn 

 Trespassed a guys house I went to a party to one time but he didn’t even know us and ran away because we heard the dog bark: Libra/Scorpio/Capricorn 

Walked past a random house having a party and walked in asking if “Jordan” was in and everybody responded saying “JORDAAAAAN YAS HES IN” :Aquarius/Libra/Sagittarius 

 Stolen a PS3 but gave it back because we felt guilty: Pisces/cancer/Virgo

Thrown an ice cream cone on this guy’s head who bitched about me for no reason while passing him on the streets: ARIES 

 Punched a girl who was all about the drama in the middle of the party:Aries/Leo 

Told a guy who tried to hit on me at the bus stop that I was married and had three kids and that I was out of milk: Sagittarius/Gemini

 Graffitied a building and ran away from the police: Capricorn/Sagittarius 

Snuck into a haunted house and freaked out because what we thought was a ghost was just a pigeon:Scorpio/Aries/ Taurus

Carried vodka to school in a water bottle and chugged it right down before an exam - Leo/ Taurus 

Poured beer all over my friends phones while drunk and threw up 7 times everywhere and called the cops on the party I PLANNED MYSELF and then proceeded to run away :Cancer/Aquarius