I’m whining please don’t read
Better yet, snap me out of this unproductive whining and stop me from running away from my problems for soooo loooong ~
Y’know, help this girl grow some spine, i have no idea where to start, I just felt my existence is nothing everyday. I don’t even have a problem, just my whiny self.
I just want to kill my whiny self so my actual, cool and less whiny self would show up and i actually GET SHIT DONE.
Or maybe, can somebody please tell me how to stop myself from internet addiction to actually WORK. THis is getting out of hand. I hate myself too much.
THing is I KNOW what I did is embarassingly bad and useless.
I WANT to NOT waste myself away with youtube and reality shows that have do no good and make no money.
but I don’t know where to start.
I’m 22 and i can’t even talk to someone in a private chat.
I can’t drive
My cooking skills are limited to pasta
I used to think I’m smart but my biggest problem now is my thesis that never have progress because I’m dumb and my professor thinks I’m slow AND dumb(and not well read). Thing is he’s right in the I’m slow (and not well read) part. probably am dumb.
I don’t know how to ask for help.
I don’t know how to tell the people who helped me so far that the support that they give only end up with me wasting internet and electricity. That I am an embarrassing lazy human being.
I don’t how to tell people that my problem is incredibly basic and theoretically easy to fix but I’m stuck with it. that when asked of progress i can only laugh and shrug. and I know well that my close circle friend treat another person, with the exact problem as me, as the ‘weird person’ and that they have ‘given up’
That people like me don’t deserve the help unless i look pathetic enough.
Theoretically I have Executive Dysfunction. But here even something as big as schizophrenia is thought as “someone who was lazy, cursed, and just didn’t pray enough God decides to punish”. Not as a treatable illness.
That I can only cry and feel sorry for myself and then realizing millions of people have it worst than me and then i feel EVEN WORST and I just can’t get out of this mentality.
This is Ramadhan, the month of happiness, of healing, of fresh starts, of generally being a better person.
And here I am feeling like the worst hypocrite ever existed
And can only hope for some forgiveness to this undeserving human being.