ib jokes

Confession #5,063

people are always anti-ableism until someone has a “funny” disability.

irritable bowel syndrome is constantly the punchline of jokes, even in supposedly “progressive” online communities. well let me tell you, there is nothing funny about:

  • experiencing excruciating abdominal pain for hours every night after dinner
  • shitting so much blood you have to be hospitalized
  • having your first colonoscopy at age 14
  • skipping meals just to avoid the pain your digestive system causes you
  • flunking an evening college class because you physically can’t walk to it due to the pain
  • skipping more meals so you’ll be able to go to class
  • having to go to the bathroom multiple times an hour every hour every day
  • the anxiety and depression that people with ibs are 70% more likely to experience than the general population
  • being a teenager and crying in the doctor’s office while describing your symptoms TO YOUR DOCTOR because you’re so embarrassed
  • the fear you experience when you’re definitely not on your period and you look down and see a pool of blood in the toilet

i am tired of seeing ibs jokes. i am tired of “representation win jkr confirms dobby has ibs lol”. i am tired of “this image is so cursed it gave me ibs”. i am tired of my personal hell being seen as a “funny” illness that even people who say they fight against ableism can point and laugh at.

How to be an IB or AP Kid For Halloween! A Short Guide
  • Dark circles under your eyes (almost black) 
  • If you want to go with more eye makeup, it should be streaked in teartracks down your cheeks. 
  • Whip your hair into a mess (think of someone who hasn’t had time to brush it for a few days. Russell Brand is a good inspiration) 
  • A flannel is a good top, either buttoned up wrong, backwards, or inside out, probably stained with some coffee
  • Shoelaces should probably be done up wrong. 
  • Carry 50 textbooks, or, if you don’t want that heavy of a load, get a seven-gallon jug of coffee
  • Look at people only out of one eye, make sure it’s a dead stare, like you’re seeing an unsolved math problem and not really whoever you’re looking at 
  • Act the part! Looks aren’t everything! If anyone tries to touch you, jump and look confused. If anyone invites you to a halloween party, say no, you have too much homework, and cry
  • When people say, “Trick or Treat!” attempt to analyze the deeper meaning and comment on the use of alliteration. 

Happy Halloween Everyone!

TYPICAL COMPUTER STORAGE FOR DIFFERENT IB CLASSES
  • IB Math: Several thousand equations. Twenty different calculator apps. Terrible math joke as a wallpaper.
  • IB Bio/Chem/Physics: At least 3 different versions of the periodic table of elements. Several different life simulations. Folders full of experiment ideas. Thousands of lab reports. Some sort of nature or space background.
  • IB English: Countless bibliographies full of sources on several different books. No evidence of those books having actually be read. Twenty-one essays about gay subtext. Wallpaper is either very feminist, very anti-feminist, or Gatsby.
  • IB Art: Thousands of pictures of famous artworks, for use in master studies. Individual analyses of each. A Matisse or Salvador Dali wallpaper.
  • IB Music: Generally at least twenty different sketches of compositions. Nothing that's actually close to being completed. Music theory and history notes everywhere. Wallpaper that is some sort of joke about all Russian composers being gay.
  • IB Theatre: Fifty papers that are at least 9 pages long. At least 8 random plays saved to computer, with 3 or more of those being original works. Wallpaper is, without fail, always a portrait of Stanislavsky.
  • IB Spanish/French/Latin: Several papers written in different languages. Traditional literature in that language. Some sort of traditional wallpaper from Latin American, French, or Hellenistic culture that implies existential crisis.
  • IB Film: Seven thousand video files of themselves eating cereal or playing guitar. A single completed avant-garde film consisting entirely of said files. Wallpaper is a strange Hitchcock screencap.
  • IB History: Eighty papers about Hitler's debilitating fear of Syphilis and Stalin and Trotsky's suspected love affair. An entire folder devoted to jokes about Russia. Wallpaper is something about Mensheviks.
  • IB Psych: Several folders full of lab reports diagnosing every person they know with paranoid schizophrenia and PTSD. Eight papers about how incredibly wrong Freud was. A chart of the Myers-Briggs indices of all loved ones. Wallpaper is some sort of optical illusion that has a trick to seeing which the student uses to be pretentious.

oilvla  asked:

🔥the ib program

The International Baccalaureate is the highest of educational programs, there is no other that can surpa– 

I’m just kidding IB doesn’t give two twist ties about students actually learning content from the teachers, so long as all the reviews come in as stellar.

The IB curve is so forgiving because no one actually understands what the material was in the first place.

As long as you kiss IB’s ass in the reports you send, basically anything goes.

IB Bio more like IB Die-o.

CAS is the most useless part of the IB diploma, and that’s after considering the 4k word research paper on pretty much whatever the fuck you want that I, personally, wrote on Sailor Moon.