*sighs dramatically* *takes deep breath* MICKEY MILKOVICH DESERVED BETTER. IAN WANTED MICKEY TO KISS HIM, SO MICKEY KISSED HIM. WHEN MICKEYS FATHER WALKED IN ON THEM, HE STOPPED HIS FATHER FROM HITTING IAN AND TOOK A BRUTAL BEATING FROM HIM INSTEAD. HE WAS RAPED WHILE HIS FATHER WATCHED. IAN TOLD MICKEY HE WASNT FREE, MICKEY TOLD HIM WHAT THEY HAVE MAKES HIM FREE, THEN CAME OUT IN FRONT OF HIS HOMOPHOBIC FATHER AND TOOK ANOTHER BRUTAL BEATING. WHEN MICKEY FOUND OUT ABOUT IANS ILLNESS, HE WANTED TO LOOK AFTER HIM BY HIMSELF, THEN HE WAS WORRIED SICK AND TRIED TO GET HIM SOME HELP. IAN STOLE MICKEYS CHILD AND MICKEY STILL WANTED TO HELP IAN AND MAKE HIM BETTER. IAN WANTED MICKEY TO LOVE HIM AND HE DID, HE LOVED HIM SO FUCKING MUCH AND HE CARED ABOUT HIM AND IT STILL WASNT ENOUGH. Mickey. Fucking. Milkovich. Deserved. So. Much. Better. FUCK.
There are creatures which have evolved to live in coral reefs and simply could not survive in the rough, tooth-filled wastes of the open sea. They continue to exist by lurking among the dangerous tentacles of the sea anemone or around the lips of the giant clam and other perilous crevices shunned by all sensible fish. A university is very much like a coral reef. It provides calm waters and food particles for delicate yet marvellously constructed organisms that could not possibly survive in the pounding surf of reality, where people ask questions like ‘Is what you do of any use?’ and other nonsense.
– on universities |
Terry Pratchett,Ian Stewart, and Jack Cohen, The Science of Discworld
Rincewind was in his new office, filing rocks. He’d worked out quite a good system, based on size, shape, colour and twenty-seven other qualities including whether or not he felt that it was a friendly sort of rock.
– on important rock qualities |
Terry Pratchett,Ian Stewart, and Jack Cohen, The Science of Discworld
Don’t Go - Mickey does what he needs to do to keep Ian from going to the Army, but it involves coming out in front of the Gallagher clan.
Surprise (Ch. 1) - Kash makes a surprise visit to the Gallagher/ Ball/ Milkovich bonfire in an attempt to get Ian back. Mickey decides to put an end to it, letting everyone know who he truly is and his true feelings.
Surprise (Ch. 2) - Ian and Mickey have a good time adjusting as a couple until they hear the news that Terry Milkovich is out of prison.
Surprise (Ch. 3) - Mickey becomes extremely protective of Ian in the face of their fathers, especially when Terry decides to end some unfinished business.
Surprise (Ch. 4) -
Mickey surprises Ian by taking him on a date and telling him his plans for the future.
Panic - Ian has a panic attack after seeing Terry, and Mickey shocks everyone by the way he calms Ian down.
Drunken Karaoke - Fiona hosts a party to release some stress that was hanging over everyone. Frank brings a karaoke machine. Ian serenades Mickey and they resolve their issue.
I Need You - Mickey realizes what he needs to do to keep Ian from joining the Army.
You and Me (Ch. 1) - Nothing could ever make Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich stop loving each other, literally nothing. (How I would’ve like 7x10 and 7x11 to go, plus more)
You and Me (Ch. 2) - Ian joins Mickey on the drive to the Mexican border. They dive deep into their feelings about each other.
You’re Here - A group of guys hear Ian talking to Mandy about the guy he’s been hooking up with, so later that night, they decide to attack him, leaving Ian very injured. How does Mickey react to this?
I’m With You - It’s been a month since Ian left Mickey at the border, and Ian is more depressed than ever. Will Mickey come home for Ian?
Not A Burden - Ian is prone to having panic attacks. One day when Mickey and Mandy are at the Gallagher house, Ian has one and no one knows what to do but Mickey.
Figure It Out - The Gallaghers had been wondering why Mickey Milkovich is sleeping on the floor next to Ian’s bed.
Thank You - Frank hits Ian in front of Mickey, and Mickey’s reaction shocks the whole family.
Release - Mickey gets released from prison, but no one knows. The first place he goes is the Gallagher house.
So Much - Ian is married to Mickey when he goes away for three days on a work retreat. Mickey spends some time at the Gallagher’s house with Fi, V, Debbie, and Mandy to accidentally get extremely drunk and confess some things.
Knew It’s Real - Mickey and Ian fall into conversation about when they knew they were in love with each other.
Summary: Ian has a panic attack after seeing Terry, and Mickey shocks everyone by the way he helps Ian calm down.
Word Count: 1831
“Lip!” Mandy screams from the shared bedroom in the Gallagher household.
“What, Mandy? I’m doing something!” Lip yells back to his girlfriend from the kitchen where he is feeling his youngest brother Liam.
She screams for him again. “It’s Ian. Come here now!” The eldest Gallagher boy hears the panic in her voice and runs up the stairs and into Ian, Carl, and Liam’s bedroom. When he enters he finds Ian sitting on the ground against the wall and holding his legs to his chest. He’s rocking back and forth and violently sobbing. “He ran into the house a few minutes ago so I ran up after him. He was doing this when I found him.”
“Hey, bud,” Lip processes Mandy’s words and tries to approach his redheaded brother.
Suddenly, Ian stops shaking and tenses up completely. “Leave me alone!” He cries.
“I’ll call Fi,” the girl says and exits the bedroom.
“Hey, Mands, tell Carl and Debs to stay downstairs and watch Liam.” Mandy nods.
Lip tries to talk to his distresses brother again. “Wanna tell me what’s goin’ on?”
Ian shakes his head. “Go away. Go away!” He struggles to breathe through the tears.
The older brother frowns at this sight. He doesn’t know what caused this or how he can help it. Praying for Fiona to arrive soon he sits and watches his brother, and thinks of what to do.
“She’ll be here in ten,” Mandy reenters. She looks at her best friend softly. “Hey, fuckhead, wanna say what’s on your mind?” She forces a smile, but Ian ignores her and begins shaking again.
“Fuck,” Lip says.
* * *
Fiona walks in the front door to see Carl, Debbie, and Liam on the couch watching television. She can tell they know something is going on because Carl is gripping the edge of the couch tightly and Debbie’s body looks very stiff. Fortunately, they know when something is worth joking about and when it is not, so they keep their mouths shut and wait.
“Hey, guys, where’s Ian?”
Debbie turns her head quick to look at her sister. “Upstairs in his room.”
“Fi,” Carl says. “What’s going on? Mandy seemed scared.”
The oldest sibling kisses each of their heads. “Sounded like he’s having a panic attack. We’ll figure it out and calm him down.” She smiles weakly. “He’s okay, just a little shaken up right now.” The kids nod and watch their sister make her way up the stairs.
She steps in the room to find Lip and Mandy staring at Ian with sympathetic faces. Her face falls when she sees her brother crying and shaking in the corner of the room. “How long has he been like this?”
“About twenty minutes.”
Fiona sets her purse down on the bed, and inches towards her brother. “Hey, Ian.” When he doesn’t respond, she steps closer. “You okay? Wanna talk about it?” She studies him trying to figure out if he can even hear her, but she doesn’t think he can.
She turns back to the other two people in the room. “Do we just wait until he calms down? I mean anxiety attacks normally pass, don’t they?” Mandy suggests.
“The fuck has got him so worked up?” Lip cringes at the thought of what could have possibly hurt his brother so badly to cause this reaction.
* * *
Mickey makes his way to the Gallagher’s front door in hopes to see Ian. He feels bad for ignoring Ian since the day everything went down with his dad, but he hates dealing with his feelings. He’s never cared about anyone before, so he tries to keep it that way, but it didn’t seem to be working.
He had a plan to walk in and ask where his sister was. He assumed that Ian would be with Mandy since they’re practically connected at the hip. It’s very convenient sneaking with someone who’s always around, just happens to be difficult as well.
Mickey walks into the house, and looks around. When he sees the younger few of the Gallagher clan, he walks in front of them to get their attention. “Where’s Mandy?”
“U-upstairs.” Debbie says shakily. “Might not want to go up there, Ian’s having a panic attack.”
Carl nods. “It’s real bad. Barely fucking speaking, but we keep hearing him cry.”
Mickey suddenly feels his heart drop. How bad? What happened? He runs up the stairs, completely disregarding Debbie’s protests. When he gets to the bedroom, he sees Mandy, Lip, and Fiona surrounding his secret lovers.
Is trying to help out worth letting everyone know who he truly is? Is Ian worth it? Of course.
“Get out of my way,” Mickey says harshly. “Let me talk to him.”
Fiona scoffs. “Why the hell would I let you talk to him? You’re Mickey fucking Milkovich.”
“Guys, move. He needs to talk to him, Fi,” Lip says and Mickey nods.. He’s the only one who knows of the relationship. Fiona and Mandy share confused and frustrated looks, but they both step out of the way.
Mandy looks to her boyfriend. “What the fuck does my brother want to do with Ian?” Lip ignores her and they all watch to see what Mickey is going to do.
“Hey, Gallagher.” Mickey cautiously approaches the redhead. “What’s up?”
Ian begins to cry harder. He covers his eyes and tries to catch his breath, but it seems nearly impossible. Mickey’s heart is breaking looking at Ian like this. Giving no shits about the others, he sits on the ground in front of Ian and prys his hands away from his eyes.
“Hey, hey, baby, I’m here,” he says softly. “Come on, baby, look at me. I’m here.” Ian’s shaky breaths begin to slow, and his eyes slowly open. “Can you tell me what happened?”
Mickey feels anger bubbling in his chest as Ian tries to say the Milkovich father’s name. “Fuck,” he whispers.
“Listen to me, okay?” Ian nods. “You’re going to breathe with me. I’m going to count to ten and after each number we’re going to take a deep breath, okay?” Ian nods again.
Mickey grabs both of Ian’s hands in his own. “One,” they take a deep breath. “Two,” they breathe. “Now count with me,” Mickey says. “Three,” they say together. Once they get to ten, Ian is a little bit calmed down but still clearly shaken up. “Now what were you saying about Terry.”
Ian closes his eyes and tries to speak. “I-I saw him. He came into the Kash n Grab with–with a gun.” Mickey tightens his grip on Ian when he hears this. “I snuck out the back after I heard him threaten to kill me.”
“I couldn’t even run to you because you didn’t want anything to do with me. I thought you hated me.” Ian chokes up another sob and digs his face into Mickey’s chest. “I thought you left me,” his voice cracks.
Mickey pulls him closer than he thought was possible. “Hey, I’m never leaving you. This is it for me, you understand? You and me, right? I’m not ever leavin’ you, Ian, I’m not. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry for making you think otherwise.”
“I-I know you don’t want to hear this but I really love you, Mick.” Ian looks into Mickey’s eyes and expects him to run when he hears those words.
Mickey knows that Ian thinks he’s going to bolt after those words were said, which hurts him. How could he have treated him so badly? He knows he doesn’t deserve the love that Ian Gallagher is offering him, but he hopes that he can be good enough for him in the future. This boy meant everything to him. Instead of ignoring the words or leaving, he grabs Ian’s face and kisses him passionately. He felt all of Ian’s worries wash out when the kiss deepened. It was the first meaningful kiss they shared, and he loved it.
When they pulled back, the corners of Ian’s mouth began to curve into a grin. Mickey wanted to see a big bright smile, so to help it along, he said, “I really love you too.” Ian’s smile turned so big that Mickey’s heart fluttered. They kissed again and smiled into each others mouth.
Once they separated, Ian noticed everyone else in the room. Their mouths hung wide open. He wondered if Mickey knew they were there, but he assumed not because he couldn’t imagine him spilling his heart out with everyone listening. Mickey gripped his hand though, to tell him he knew they were there and that staying right next to him.
“Shit,” Lip said. “I knew you two were hooking up or whatever, but shit,” he speaks in astonishment. Mickey is surprised he’s not as mad as he should be now that he knows Lip knew about them.
Fiona looks at Mickey, then looks at Ian. “Mickey fucking Milkovich?” She questions Ian and repeats her words from before.
Ian rolls his eyes. “Yes, Fi, ‘Mickey fucking Milkovich.’”
“How long?” Fiona’s mind is racing.
“Three years now,” Ian smirks.
Mandy now looks annoy. “You fucking assholes! Three years and no one told me? This is who you’re always talking about, Ian? My brother!”
“Don’t be mad, Mands,” Ian says apologetically.
“Are you going to tell everyone?” Mickey worries.
She comes closer to the two boys and punches them both hard. “No, fuckhead. Dad would kill you if he knew! I’m mad you didn’t tell me. I’m your fucking sister,” she points at Mickey. “And you,” she points at Ian. “I’m your best friend!”
“You think I’d let him advertise this to anyone in the South Side? Are you fucking stupid?” Mickey snaps. “And dad knows.” He gulped.
Ian nodded. “That’s why he came after me, he caught us the other day,” Ian says sadly. “I thought we were going to die–”
Mickey runs the hands that isn’t holding on to Ian through his boyfriend’s hair. “Don’t got to talk about it. Too fucked up. I don’t want to relive it, and I don’t want you reliving it either.” Ian nods and lets out a breath of relief. Mandy tunes down her anger.
Fiona looks at them sadly. Then she opens her mouth as if she’s about to speak but pauses before starting again. “Did you say three years?”
“Yes, what the fuck,” Mickey exclaims. “He came after me with a crowbar and then we hooked up, not too hard to understand.”
Lip chuckles. “Wow, romantic. I didn’t know things ran so deep between you two.”
“Didn’t want it to,” Mickey looks at his and Ian’s hands. “But look where that got me.” He looks away from Lip. He wishes he wasn’t such a pussy about being with Ian, but then again it proves how strong their relationship really is.
“It runs fucking deep,” Mickey says softly looking at his boyfriend as if he’s speaking to him rather than answering Lip. “Really fucking deep.” Ian smiles at the words.